Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Chapter 01 — Arrival

-then there was pale stone beneath her boots, beneath her hands as exhaustion carried her down, scrabbling forward with all the grace and fervour of a hounded rat, away and down, away from the pale shimmering behind her, as if it was going to reach out a hand and drag her back within. Muran was addressing her- Elucidator clacking away to give her the words, the suspicion and accusation carried in his needing no translation.

She did not care. She did not listen to him nor anyone. She scrabbled and crawled, the last of her expended in pursuit and hope of-

It must have rained not so long ago; the dirt burrowing its way under her fingernails was soft and pliable, sinking a little as she dug her hands in, fingers clawing. She dug her hands into the earth like a predator at the neck, like she had on Her Manifest Glories when the Anti-grav had given out midway through a harsh turn, leaving her dangling by the fingernails, the main dorsal corridor stretching out beneath her, nothing to stop her until her bones would pulp against the sealed hatches of the Enginerium, far too many decks to Aft.

She clung to the dirt- like- she had no more words left, no more comparisons to make. She clung on until she could finally believe that this was real - that this wasn’t some grotesquely-detailed Drukhari game- that this wasn’t simply the culmination of some fresh torture. “My masterpiece-” she could hear Mazerhai drawl out the words, smug, preening, exultant – “a dream of escape, of surviving our Dark City, the delusion that you are strong enough to endure what I have planned for you. To have all that, shattered… How does it feel ?”

She choked, suddenly, holding herself so desperately still for a moment, unable to discern if it was simply that- or the prelude to it all being snatched away. But the moment passed- and the sun broke through the clouds, so terribly bright and enthrallingly warm.

Joscina von Valancius, once Joscina Stubbs, Shadow Queen of the Malfi an System, collapsed into a ball and wept. Arms, warm flesh and cold metal wrapped around her, a warm body and familiar scent pressing against her back- wet tears pressed against her shoulder. And near her- near them- she felt the moment her Blade and Shadow took up guard, for all she knew Kibellah’s heart sung with the same exhausted, exultant relief that washed over them all.

They had lived .

She was lying in a bed, now. No- not lying- she was engulfed by it, a lumbering hulk of silks and softness. It might have been uncomfortable in its unfamiliarity if it wasn’t so novel. She was in a shift- so she must have been stripped and changed at some point. She was deliriously, gloriously clean- so she must have been washed. She tried to move an arm- became aware of the dull stab from the needle in her arm. She was… It must be the former Von Vyatt Palace.

Joscina had never trusted the wretched lot that called themselves ‘Nobility’- for all that they had been many of her most frequent (though oft unreliable and difficult) clients. Nothing she had seen since her unexpected ascension had done a wit to change that. Alright- maybe Abelard was an exception, but give the Werserians time- for the moment, their low rank and the scorn of their Noble ‘betters’ forced them to remain competent. Stagnation would infect them them eventually.

Regardless- when Vistenza Vyatt had been so accommodating as to reveal her nature, it had given her the opportunity to drag the title of Planetary Governor out of the hands of the Nobility- the Adeptus Mechanicus were far more- accommodating was the wrong word. And they certainly weren’t reasonable, not in any way Joscina was familiar with the word. But they weren’t Nobles- which meant Joscina was spared having to be harangued about traditions and inheritances and marriage alliances and ancient privileges and all that groxshit.

It had also given her the opportunity to seize the former Gubernatorial Palace- the new Genetor Governor had chosen to reign from his personal Mega-Harvester- for herself. She hadn’t really known what to do with it; she’d just asked Abelard to scour it for any remaining traces of the Von Vyatts and their tainted legacy.

She remembered (or at least, she thought she remembered) someone (Pasqual, probably) locating a functioning Vox, summoning a shuttle for them. She can’t remember if she walked aboard it or was carried- only that she desperately wanted to sleep on the shuttle, but couldn’t manage it. And then they landed- she trudged her way inside, half-walking, half-carried by Jae. Some servant (she didn’t get their name) lead them to a room- this room, presumably. She had just… Laid down. She hadn’t meant to sleep. She wanted wash, to eat, to drink, to… Talk- everything. Anything .

“Statement: Designate ‘Joscina von Valancius’ is attaining standard levels of cognitive activity.” It sounded like Pasqual for a moment, but only because every Tech-Priest sounded like Pasqual.

Joscina forced her eyes open- squinting and turning aside as it was all too intense for her.

“Bright…” She murmured, hoping… Whoever that was understood the rest of it.

“Ha!” Mercifully, whoever it was did not need to, as Jae Heydari did. “I told you Cogs- she’s voidborn, grew up on shiplights- the sunlight-” Joscina heard the clack-drag that she only too recently learnt was the sound of curtains being drawn, and the dreadful bright receded “is too much for her.”

“Statement: Catalogued; appended to Patient notes.”

Joscina creeped her eyes open, finding she was now able to see- watch, not merely hear Jae drag an absurdly overstuffed armchair across a carpet thick enough to bury a body in, set it down right up against the bed- trap Joscina’s hand in her own.

“Objection-” Joscina even managed to smile, a small weak thing, as she watched Jae’s eyes afix themselves to whoever-it-was, her gaze baleful, full of the promise of disproportionate and brutal retribution. Whoever-it-was halted, the silence holding for a few heartbeats, one of Jae’s thumbs beginning to idly brush over her knuckles.

“Statement: Risk of adverse patient impact; low. Magnitude of adverse patient impact; negligible-to-minimal. Objection: Withdrawn.”

“Good.” There was a clip to Jae’s tone that spoke to Joscina of carefully contained annoyance, with the threat of uncontaining it yet lingering, only half-feigned.

“Statement: Catalogued; appended to Patient notes.”

“Oh- don’t you push it-”

“Jae.” She fell silent as Joscina spoke, for all her voice sounded… Weak. Feeble. Joscina supposed it matched how she felt. She had meant to tighten her fingers around Jae’s as well- but she could barely flex them. “Don’t begrude the Medicus their calling.” She finally turned her head to behold them.

Before her was a tall yet thin creature, rendered androgynous by the shapeless form of the red robes of their Priesthood. Over it they wore a spotless white apron that was festooned with pockets and pouches, each one holding some instrument or tool, carefully polished metal glinting in the narrow shaft of sunlight intruding into the room between the mostly-closed curtains. Beneath the concealing drape of their hood, Tevna could spy the green tint of augmetic eyes, beneath which lurked an augmetic unit that covered their lower face. A small swarm of Mechadendrites lurked behind them- more than a handful, less than a dozen, Joscina supposed- one of them holding something or other, the other… Cleaning it, perhaps?

“Correction: Designate is Xenobiologis-Extremis Adept Ascel Phi-07.”

For a moment, Joscina simply let her head lull back and closed her eyes- wondering if she couldn’t just fall back to sleep and avoid having to something. Be polite? Use manners? Interact with strange people? Anything.

Sadly, tragically, damnably, she was just too damn good at what she did. It came naturally to her, even when she might not even want it to. So she sighed, and grasped around for her manners.

“Apologies…” She trailed off for a moment, then restrained herself to an internal sigh, “Xenobiologis-Extermis Adept Ascel Phi-07. We had not been introduced.” She furrowed her brow, knowing there was something she had meant to- ah, that was it. “Is there a shorter yet still polite form of address I can use? Oh- and a gender- for the use of pronouns.” That was it. Pleasantries accomplished, Joscina let herself sink back into the edifice of pillows behind her head, eyes slipping closed again.

“Answer: ‘Adept Phi-07’ will suffice for use by laity.” Then a pause. “Answer: This Designate has been designated Male. That will-” was that a slight tinge of hesitation? Or perhaps, dissatisfaction? “suffice.” Joscina filed that away; not really meaning to. Frankly, it would be easier if she hadn’t, because then she couldn’t dredge it up later to use as a stick to poke the Adept with. But she supposed her curiosity hadn’t quite killed her yet.

“I presume-” She had to pause, fighting the urge to fall asleep again. “I presume you were summoned.”

“Answer: Confirmation. Designate ‘Pasqual Haneumann’-” the Adept didn’t use Pasqual’s title, Joscina noted, unwillingly filing that away, “initiated Vox contact with Planet:Janus-Fane:Genetor, requesting the requisition of a single Designate with expertise Field:Biologis, Extremis; Field:Xenobiologis. This Designate was assigned.”

Joscina opened her mouth to reply- then decided that nodding was easier, and did so. She opened her mouth, ‘what’s the damage’ already conjured behind her teeth- but somehow she doubted Adept Phi-07’s ability to parse that. What would a Techpriest respond to..?

“Requesting Patient Status Report.” That would do it.

“Patient Status: Vitals; substandard; improving. Injuries, minor-to-moderate: ‘Several’.” The Adept quoted the word like it was a profanity, shifting to more properly turn towards Jae. If Joscina didn’t know better, she’d say the Adept was glaring at her.

“Clarification: Designate ‘Jae Heydari’ requested collation of Injures, minor-to-moderate. Itemised account is available upon request.” Joscina couldn’t think of anything she wanted less, frankly.

The Adept fell silent, and with a little dawning horror, Joscina realised she was expected to reply.

“She doesn’t.” Once again, Jae strode to her rescue. Joscina could even squeeze a little in thanks. “Continue your report, yes?”

There was a little noise that Joscina thought might be displeasure. “Dehydration: Minor; improving. Malnutrition: Minor; improving. Stress: Highly elevated; improving. Xenos Taint identified. Source: Aeldari; subcategory: Drukhari. Xenos taint identified. Source: Unknown. Actions taken: Remedial surgery. Spinal Incision – L3 to S5; extraction of remnant unidentified Xenos material. Necrotic tissue excised by Tarmegation. One milimeter quarantine layer removed. Incision undone. Lenimenal bolstering of Hepatiaic and Renalic systems ongoing.”

Joscina squeezed her eyes shut as she struggled to translate out of… Magos Biologis into something she actually understood.

“He took out the rest of that… Slug thing-” Jae spoke, as though holding the words as far away from her as she could manage, “put maggots in there- yes, Shereen, he took them back out again-” Joscina relaxed a fraction- “cut away some more flesh for good measure, stitched you-” her eyes were only half-open, but she could still see Adept Phi-07… Bristle, she would name it, at the description “-back up. And then he gave you drugs to help your liver and kidneys get the rest out.”

“Designate Jae Heydari-” the pause was as pregnant as it was begrudging, “is not incorrect.”

Joscina smiled a little. “Thank you, Adept Phi-07. I hope it was not just me you have been seeing to?”

“Answer: This Designate has administered to the following Designates: Magnate-Joscina von Valancius; Pasqual Haneumann;” (again, the lack of title,) “Sororitas-Argenta; Unknown-Jae Heydari; Redacted-Idira Tlass; Cultist-Unknown. Potential patients: Astartes-Ulfar; Xenos-Unknown Female; Xenos-Unknown Male. Designate Ulfar refused examination. Unknown Xenos were not approached. Unknown Xenos will not be approached without explicit instruction. And armed guard.”

Joscina nodded- already tiring again. “Thank you for your work, Adept Phi-07. I believe I am going to sleep more now.”

“Statement: Sleep advances the restorative processes identified in laity.” The Adept turned their head again to fix their eyes on Jae. “Statement: Strenuous Physical Exertion inhibits said processes.”

“Pleasantry: Parting.” The Adept turned and left, the following swarm of Mechadendrites having to wrap in around them to fit through the doorway.

She wanted to at least kiss Jae before sleep claimed her again .

S he was not successful.

Days had passed. Joscina was finally off of enforced bed rest- the medicines had done their work, and she was… She wouldn’t say her old self. She probably wasn’t going to be her old self ever again. None of them were. But she was no longer shackled by drips and fatigue and the fuzzy-minded spell the drugs dragged her through.

Which meant she could no longer put it off, could she?

Well, that wasn’t quite true. She could- and in fact, there were plentiful things she still was putting off (the lean, black-clad Drukhari loomed large in her mind- him and his damnable smirk. ) But she couldn’t put this off any longer.

“Jae.” She murmured, having let out a long sigh. They were entwined on a chaise, Joscina leaning her head against a shoulder, twining a finger around black tresses. “There is something- We need to talk.” She could feel Jae stiffen, however hard she tried to conceal it. How could she blame her for that?

“No no no-” she interjected, bringing up her other hand to rest below Jae’s throat, tracing the lines where flesh and metal met. “It’s not bad. At least- I hope it’s not.” She drew her head up so she could get her eyes on Jae- peck her on the lips, gaze lingering on her eyes- and Joscina couldn’t help but smile at her pretend-princess. “Hopefully, it’s good, actually.”

“It’s you, Shereen, Light of my Eyes-” Jae gave her one of her half-false smiles, to match her half-false words. “How could it be bad?” They both knew she was lying, at least in part. It could always be bad- Joscina could snap her fingers and have Jae killed or Servitorised, and no one would bat an eye. Joscina didn’t begrudge Jae these lies- not when they were Jae constructing the world where Jae could simply trust her without reservation- the one where Jae had nothing to fear from her.

Joscina enjoyed those lies, because she wished they weren’t, also.

“I’ve been thinking-” And she could feel Jae stiffen up again. “No no no no.” She insisted- then forced herself up, swung herself over to straddle Jae, cupping a cheek, kissing her again, this time soft, slow, tender- the sort of kiss Joscina imagined lovers should share. “It’s not bad.” She insisted once they parted, taking Jae’s flesh hand and pressing it over her heart. “I promise.”

“It’s you, Shereen.” Jae began- and then she stopped there. For a moment, she simply smiled at Joscina, and her heart soared. It was one of the most genuine things she had ever seen Jae Heydari do.

Joscina suddenly found herself snapping at the edges of her self-control and good sense- oh so very tempted to just claim Jae’s lips, and then her body- put all this messy business of talking and emotions and everything else off for another day. It had helped that her libido had been another casualty of the cocktail that had been wringing her out- but now it was back with a vengeance, crashing over her like a train through a rat.

“Us.” She began, pressing a finger to Jae’s lips because if she didn’t start now, she risked not doing so at all- and if Jae opened her mouth again now, the temptation to kiss it closed might just overwhelm her. “I- I know you’re good at talking, Jae, so… Listen? Please?” She sighs, shook her head. Off to a great start, she was. “I like us. I’d like us to keep being us. And-” She paused- took a steadying breath, which she told herself wasn’t for courage.

“I know you enough, Jae, to know that when you started this, it was business. I know…” She waved an arm vaguely towards a wall- more specifically the prominent von Valancius crest freshly carved into it. “I know the power I have. I’ve been under that sort of power. You think I haven’t been where you were? The boss can kill me, so- get in good with the boss. And the weakest part of anyone is their soft, idiot fleshy bits. I get it, alright?” She pulled her finger away so she could peck their lips together again. She wasn’t sure why, she just… Couldn’t not do so.

“The stunt with the vox. I know you were solidifying your position.” She brushed her thumb over Jae’s lips, just… Admiring her for a moment. “Made you more… Important. Makes you more sticky- more difficult to get rid of. I get it, alright?”

Jae was opening her mouth to speak- and she pressed a finger down again to silence her, resting their foreheads together. “No no Jae. You don’t have to. It’s alright. I forgave you then, and I meant it.” Damn it all, why was there water gathering in her eyes?

“And- I mean, I knew that when we started, right? So… Don’t go saying that you were just using me, alright?” If anything, Jae looked affronted at that. Joscina broke into a smile, breaking her concentration for a moment. “I knew what you were doing, and I let you, because you’re pretty- no, beautiful-” Jae Heydari could preen with the best of them, even held down and silent, “and capable. And I was lonely. All this-” Another wave towards the crest on the wall, “it’s still not my world. Not yet, if it ever will be. Fuck-” she laughs, a bitter, wretched thing, “last year I was just Joscina Stubbs, Shadow of Malfi.” She smirks, “Pirate Queen, I was. Well- smuggling was more profitable, really. The piracy was only for- doesn’t matter, not the point.” She shook her head to get her head out of the tangent like some sort of doused animal.

“You’re from the sort of muck I’m from. That’s what I’m trying to say. You helped keep me sane. Grounded. But I knew you were doing business.”

She sighed, collapsed against Jae, chin now in the crook of her neck. “Like I said, the weakest part of anyone is their soft, idiot fleshy bits. Well- it worked. It’s not business for me- and I hope, I think- that it’s the same for you.”

Joscina closed her eyes, finally falling silent. Jae, for her part, said nothing, just brough her arms up and tightened their embrace. A moment passed. Another.

“Oh-” Jae started suddenly, and Joscina could hear the shit-eating grin in her voice. “Can I talk now Shereen, L ight of my E yes?”

“...Arsehole.” Joscina muttered grim vengeance against the back of the chaise, flailing an arm round to try and get a thump off at her side. She succeeded, and instantly regretting it as her knuckles battered fruitlessly a metal plate. “Yes, Jae, you can talk.”

“Oh good.” Jae captured her errant hand, brought it up to her lips, pressing little kisses into each of her knuckles, before letting out her own sigh. “You do know me too well, Shereen. Though- I want to make it clear, when I say you are gorgeous, I mean it.” That was truth, and Joscina knew it- that was one of the things Jae had never been able to lie about. “But I would have pursued you if you had been an ugly crone, for…” Now it was Jae’s turn to trail off, relinquish an arm to wave at the von Valancius crest on the wall, “the reasons you described.

“However!” Jae turned her head to rub their cheeks together, a hand curling through her hair. “I- hmph.” Joscina couldn’t help but smile as she felt metal fingers softly drumming upon her back. A speechless Jae Heydari was a rare treat. “I lie often, yes? We both know this; you do know me too well, light of my eyes. “Nutkah- well, you made me explain the word, Shereen.” Joscina could feel her pout, and smiled. “It can be fun, yes, but- work can be fun, that doesn’t mean it isn’t work.”

Jae broke off again, sighed deeply- then muttered to herself, a long string of unfamiliar Efreeti. “Shereen, you are impossible , and I will forever begrudge you for forcing these words from me !” Joscina found her head dragged off Jae’s shoulder- their foreheads once again meeting as Jae pressed them together.

“Yes- it was business. Good business, mind you.” Joscina allowed herself a small smirk at that. “You-” She broke off into a snort. “I was to say ‘didn’t treat me like a toy, but’-” Joscina broke out into a small snicker, and Jae joined her in it- pressing their lips together for a moment before continuing. “I could tell that I was never just… Flesh to you, yes? Always asked. Always ensured that I could say ‘no’ or ‘stop’. You...” She sighed, Jae no longer able to avoid the word. “Cared. Even when you didn’t have to. No — especially when.”

A hand was cupping Joscina’s cheek, now. “Do you think I would have told-” Jae stumbled, “the story about the girl who was a miner, then a soldier, then a deserter, if it was just business?”

Joscina didn’t- a wave of tension leaving her in a rush, her lips falling towards Jae’s- only to find them halted by cold metal.

“Now now, Light of my Eyes- now it is my turn to say that I know you too well. Were this but you and I- I think you would have never felt the need to speak on it, yes? Why would we? You knew when I told you the story what it meant.”

Joscina pouted against cold metal - was she really so transparent?

“So…” Jae asked, craning up to kiss her forehead. “What is this about, l ight of my e yes?” There was a particular tinge to Jae’s tone- affectionate, yes, but also… Smug. Oh- that little-

“You know, don’t you?” Joscina asked, letting out another sigh as Jae flashed her a grin. “I do, Light of my Eyes!” Jae smirked wide. “But- turnabout is fair play, no? You made me say all those words- to you. For you. It’s only fair, yes? That you do the same for me?”

Joscina pursed her lips for a few moments, turning it all over in her head, searching for… Something. A flaw, a reason, a pretext, an excuse. But there was nothing.

“I’m going to get you for this, Jae.” She muttered, only half meaning it.

“Oh, I know Shereen.” Jae smirked. “I might even be looking forward to it.”

Joscina was going to have to think up something special , wasn’t she? But- later.

“Kibellah.” Jae’s smirk only widened as Joscina confirmed that, yes, she’d known exactly what Joscina had been leading up to. “Me and her, we…” She paused, not really having the words to describe it. Did such words exist? Maybe within the Bloodspun Web itself, perhaps?

“...Have a bond?” She offered.

“Nutkahir?” Jae waggled her eyebrows at her. For her part, she spent a moment fantasising about burning them off.

“If it was just fucking-” the word ‘Love’ was teteering upon her tongue, scrabbling for her lips. But there was only so much she could subject herself too in the one day, “I wouldn’t be so tangled up about it.”

“I know, Light of my Eyes.” Another wide smirk- though this time Jae mollified her with a quick kiss. “She is good at hiding- body and mind. You… Less so.”

“But you’re making me say it myself as payback.” Joscina grumbled.

“Of course, Shereen!” Joscina pouted- Jae didn’t even kiss her this time.

“Fine.” She sighed. “I don’t want to lose you. I-” She huffed. “A long time ago, I said ‘I’ve been thinking’. What I meant to follow that up with was ‘I want you with me’. I don’t want this to be something we just… Sever when it becomes inconvenient, go our separate ways. I’d rather you didn’t do that- I’d rather you stayed. But-”

Joscina wasn’t sure whether to sigh or- She wrapped a hand through Jae’s hair and tugged a little. It helped her, somehow, and she knew the hitch in Jae’s breath wasn’t an affectation.

“I’m a greedy, grasping selfish bitch, Jae. I want you- but I don’t want just you. And I’m not just talking… Nutkahir.” What had this woman done to her?

“And me?” Jae asked, lip quirked, eyebrow arched.

Joscina knew she ought to respond, but all she could manage was- well, nothing. She had precisely no idea how to respond- she didn’t even know what Jae meant .

“What about me, Shereen, Light of my Eyes?” Jae chuckled, kissed her again. “Do I get to be a greedy, grasping, selfless bitch? Or am I meant to be just yours?”

J ealousy surged up within her- her hand tightening in Jae’s hair, a smirk and fluttering eyelids telling Joscina that Jae knew exactly what she’d been doing. She swallowed down her bile — She owed Jae that much, didn’t she? No- more than that.

“Oh, hush Shereen.” Jae smirked at her, thumb- her flesh one- pressed against her lips. “I was teasing. I know you. You want to say no, but you’re just too fair to actually say no. So you’ll let me, but you’ll be huffy about it, yes?”

Jae knew her far too well, broke out into a laugh, soft, light, at her expression.

“Fear not, Light of my Eyes, I come to soothe your wounded soul.” Jae kissed her on the cheek, chuckled a little. “I do have my appetites- but yours is a match for it. I’m not going to be prowling the mid-decks for some little morsels when I can feast with you. But… If there is something who does catch my eye… I will endeavour to talk to you about it first, yes? And tell you after- if you want.”

That all seemed… Aggravatingly fair and reasonable.

“...Fine.” Joscina found her better judgement and clung to it, pressing down the loud, snapping part of her mind that told her to take Jae to her bed and chain her there, that she could never leave again.

“But I don’t think we need to talk about Argenta.” She smirked at Jae, revelling in having found the opportunity for a counterstrike. “If you can manage it- by all means. Tell me all about it.” She leaned in, took an earlobe between her teeth and nibbled. Jae sighed- then pushed her away with a wagging finger and a ‘nah ah ah’.

“Kibellah, Shereen?”

Fuck, they hadn’t actually settled that, had they?

“ I want to have you. And her. And… Maybe more?” Joscina tilted her head- not having anything to mind that she could name, but knowing herself well enough to know there would be more. “ But definitely her. That is- I haven’t talked to her yet.”

Joscina prayed, desperately, to a silent, useless God-Emperor that she would have to say nothing more.

“I have also been thinking, Shereen.” Perhaps she didn’t believe in the God-Emperor’s mercy, but she did believe in Jae’s. “I saw you wrestling with a question, and thought ‘what could it be?’” She tittered, interlacing her flesh hand with one of Joscina’s. “Then I saw how your eyes flitted between me and the door as you lay in your bed- the door that Kibellah stood guard over. I saw it in your eyes- the worry and the fear, and the little voice of hope, yes?”

“I have already thought on it, Light of my Eyes.” Jae paused, and they both know it was simply for dramatic effect. “My answer is yes. If she will try, so shall I.”

R elief and elation crashed against each other inside her. She should… They should… She had planned to… Kiebellah was right outside the door-

None of that mattered as she pressed Jae down against the chaise, hands already roaming .