Chapter Text
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Someone had graffiti’d the TARDIS again.
The Doctor had just dropped Rose at home on the estate so she could attend a party that Jackie absolutely insisted she be at. Possibly on pain of death. Rose's mother still wasn't particularly keen on him, so it wasn't hard to have himself excused from the event.
He'd given Rose a knowing grin and promised he wouldn't take the TARDIS out of their time zone while she attended to her familial duties. He only felt a little wrench of guilt as the door closed behind him and he caught sight of her forlorn and worried face. Damn, she was still afraid he might abandon her. It might have been a possibility once, but he deeply regretted ever dangling the threat for her now.
The Doctor had grown attached to Rose over the past months. That was probably the correct word, wasn't it? Attached? Entwined? Bonded. Irrevocably enmeshed… Dangerously reliant.
Anyway. He wasn't about to leave her behind now. For better or for worse, he'd discovered he needed her, and he'd have to face that fact at some later date. Not now. A problem for a future him to work out.
He'd planned to take a quick spin around the Trifid Nebula and return in time to pick Rose back up, when he caught sight of the giant white letters painted across his beautiful ship’s front doors. Bad Wolf.
The last time his ship had been vandalized it had been the same phrase. He'd seen the tag before around the estate, and wondered idly if it was a band name, or maybe the artist themself. Unfortunately the culprit was nowhere to be found this time, so it fell to him to clean up the mess.
Grumbling and feeling old, the Doctor retrieved a bucket of soapy water and a sponge, and set to work repairing the damage, murmuring consoling and apologetic words to his ship while he worked. The paint was still fresh so it didn't take too long to remove, and he was just carrying the bucket back inside when he heard a panicked screech from down the block.
“DOCTOR!!!”
He ducked back outside at once, hearts in a knot, searching for the source of the scream. That had been Rose's voice.
“DOCTOR, WAIT!”
He turned around the side of the TARDIS and saw his girl pelting up the block towards him from the opposite direction of her mum's apartment.
“Rose? What the—”
He was cut off as she hurtled into his arms, wrapping hers tightly around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder.
“Oh my god, oh my god!! I can't believe… Oh my god!” Rose shook in his arms, she sounded on the verge of tears.
“What the hell happened! Where have you come from, I just left you at your mum's!” He made a slight move to disentangle himself from her grip, but she only held on tighter. Slowly he accepted that she wasn't likely to let go soon, so he relaxed and wrapped his arms around her, patting her gently on the back.
“Doctor, thank god… Oh god I missed you… I've missed you so much...”
Rose's voice was muffled, but the Doctor caught every word. Alarm was creeping up his spine. Something was very, very wrong.
“Rose…” He started in his most ‘now listen here’ tone, taking hold of her arms and gently prying himself free of her hug, “I need you to explain…” His words died on his lips as he caught sight of her tear streaked face, but it wasn't the crying that alarmed him.
This was not Rose. Well, it was, but not his Rose. Not the Rose he'd left twenty minutes ago, with her long wavy hair and baggy jumper and youthful exuberance. It was Rose, but she'd changed, in more ways than just her clothing, though that was different too. She wore a tight blue leather jacket, and her hair was much shorter and pin straight. While it didn't seem like there’d been enough time for these changes, they were still things that could easily be explained away.
What couldn't be was the fact that she looked older. No, she was older. She was thinner, her cheeks less round, showing off those incredible cheekbones he'd admired before. There were hints of tiny lines beginning around her eyes that he knew for absolute certain hadn't been there before. Huh. Apparently he'd memorized her eyes.
“Rose… What…”
Her hands came up to cup his face, joy and grief wrestling for dominance in her expression. “My… My Doctor…” she breathed, struggling to get sound out around her sobs. The touch on his face dizzied him a little. It was a form of affection she'd never shown him before. Far from making him uncomfortable, he felt himself leaning into it, craving more, while a prickle of enjoyment made its way across his skin.
Alarmed by his own reaction, he took one of her hands off his face, holding it to his chest while his expression darkened.
“Inside. Now.”
Rose obeyed at once, leaving her hand in his and pulling him quickly into the TARDIS behind her. The Doctor gave the courtyard a quick scan, satisfying himself that no one had seen them, before shutting the door firmly behind him and locking it. He turned back just in time to have Rose reattach herself to him, wrapping her arms around his waist this time, tucking her head just under his chin, its favorite place. Her body still shook with the occasional silent sob.
“Rose, let go.” He said it kindly but firmly, putting his hands on her shoulders and extracting himself. He didn't look at her, just walked past her to the console. He could feel anger rising in his chest, mingling with confusion and an old emotion he couldn't quite put his finger on. He leaned forward on the console, head spinning.
“What. Were. You. Thinking?” He almost snarled the words. It was less than a month since Rose had almost destroyed reality by saving her father. She knew better. He turned back to her to see she'd come up behind him, but she kept distance now, leaving an arms length of space between them. Her joy had been tempered by nervous anticipation. “I thought you understood the risks of crossing your own timeline, Rose. What are you doing here?!”
Rose squared her shoulders and lowered her chin, defiance and certainty radiating from her, no hint of sheepish apology anywhere to be seen, despite the red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. Well now, that was a new look.
“Looking for you.” She was staring daggers at him now, heat coloring her tone as well, and took a slow step towards him. “I have been looking…” Her voice faltered for a second before returning with even greater strength. “I have been looking for you, Doctor, for months… I haven't seen you in almost two years.”
This information fell between them like a dead animal, both horrifying and impossible to ignore. The Doctor's ears rang, the air itself whispering the gossip.
“You haven't… two years? But why?” A dim part of his mind eyed him at this question. It wasn't very long ago that he would have said goodbye to almost any travel companion at the drop of a hat. Gods, he'd even done it to Sarah Jane. Somehow the idea of doing the same to Rose froze him to his core. “I can't have left you behind. I wouldn't.” It was equal parts denial and plea.
Rose dropped her eyes, staring at his knees while she wrestled with something. Finally she said without looking at him, “you tried, actually, just didn't stick. I'm still pissed. But that's on him, not you. I mean…” She looked up at him with a grimace. “Sorry. Time travel logic.”
“Then what happened? No, don't answer that,” the Doctor held up his hands suddenly, backing away and moving around the console to put as much space between them as possible. “I can't know anything. Rose, you being here—”
“—makes this a vulnerable point, I know,” Rose moved to lean her hands on one of the railings, and she suddenly looked so tired. He'd never seen her like this, like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. That was supposed to be his job. “I can't control this thing, I'm just trying to lock onto you… I haven't seen you in two years, Doctor, excuse me if I got excited.” She turned her chin away from him, raising her hand to her face, and he suspected she'd started crying again. Without really meaning to he started drifting closer, the instinct to comfort her stronger than his caution.
“... Has it really been two years?”
She sniffed, blinking at the ceiling to clear her eyes. “Nearly. It'll be two years next month.” She looked at him again, slowly scanning him up and down with a sad smile. “Even longer since I saw that face though.”
The Doctor froze a few feet away from her.
“... Yeah, forgot to mention that little trick, didn't you?” Rose's smile wasn't angry, just a little sardonic.
“So… I've regenerated then.” Gods, this was dangerous. He wanted so badly to know what had happened to him. Nothing would be a worse idea. “... How do I look?” He tried to pass it off as a joke, but realized there was a bit too much hope in his voice. Did she still like his new face?... Did she like it more than this one?
“I got used to it,” she said, turning to him as he stepped closer. “I think he's… You're gorgeous.” She smiled slightly to herself. “Can't tell you how much I've missed this face, though.” She reached out and cupped his cheek again, and the same melting instinct had him leaning into her touch.
The easy way she showed him this affection, though… This was an intimacy beyond what he was used to with his Rose. He didn't mind, far from it… just wondered how they'd gotten there from here. Was it just a natural progression of their current connection? Or… His next generation hadn't… Had he? Would he? The idea of crossing that line felt like such a wild leap into the unknown. So much for dealing with the problem of being too attached. Seemed like instead he'd jumped into it head first. He closed his eyes as Rose's fingers ran up his cheekbone and over his brow, remembering his features.
“Rose… are you two… I mean, are we…”
She didn't respond, but his hearts sank as her touch disappeared, and he blinked his eyes open. She was staring at him, biting her bottom lip as if unsure how much to say.
“... No, you're right, you shouldn't tell me.” He stepped back and ran his hands over his hair, clasping his hands behind his head.
“I just… honestly don't know how to answer that.”
Well great, that didn't make him even more curious. Not at all.
“When did you become so enigmatic?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
Rose smirked. “Mum says I've turned into you, so you can blame yourself.”
“I'm sure I do.” Rose's face fell and the Doctor flinched. He hadn't meant to say something so self-deprecating. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment.
“You didn't leave me, for the record. I just…” She squeezed her eyes shut, some painful memory playing through her head. When she spoke again her voice was higher as she fought through tears. “I got lost. And he… you told me there was no way for us to get back to each other.” She opened her eyes again and this time she looked angry. “... But there is. I found it and you didn't even try.”
The Doctor frowned at that. That wasn't possible. Not unless he'd become a completely different person. There wasn't a single version of himself that wouldn't tear the world apart to get Rose back. Gods, had he really just thought those words?
“If I didn't come looking for you… it's because I was absolutely certain there was no way to find you.” Rose shot him a petulant glower. Now that was the girl he knew. “... Not saying I wasn't wrong. There's a first time for everything.” He tried for a little humor.
Rose held her glare for a second longer, then her face twisted as she tried to hold back an unexpected laugh. The Doctor's hearts swelled. There were only a handful of times he'd seen Rose in this much distress, and it was like someone had a fist around his chest and was squeezing hard. He'd do just about anything to make her smile again.
He meandered nearer again and leaned back against the railing a few feet away, folding his arms across his chest.
“There's another possibility, you know.” He didn't really want to say it. But Rose was a seasoned time traveler now, she needed to understand the consequences of her actions.
“What’s that?”
He looked her dead in the eye. “I'm gonna remember this.”
Slowly, Rose's face registered the meaning of his words. Her eyes settled on the middle distance between them, her mouth opening slightly as she thought through the ramifications of that fact.
“I… hadn't thought of that.”
“You should have.”
“I was looking for him! I didn't expect to see you! I just…” Rose stepped closer. It was like they were two magnets playing with their own polarity, drifting together and apart, together and apart. “Doctor, how could I not come to you? It's like there's been a chunk missing out of my heart…” She trailed off, putting her hands on his chest like she needed to get a fix.
He wanted to give it to her. He wanted to fill her heart with himself until she overflowed, had enough of him to last through however long it would take her to find his future self again. He covered her hands with his own, holding them tight to his chest. “This could change everything, Rose. It could change the future.”
“Or… Maybe this always happened. Maybe you always knew.” She turned her hands until their fingers were laced together.
The Doctor nodded, looking down at their connected hands. “... It's likely. In which case… I already know I won't find a way. It has to be up to you.”
“... Fuck.” She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her forehead to his chest. Extracting one hand, the Doctor rested his palm on the back of her head.
“I'm so sorry, Rose. I can't… can't imagine being away from you for so long.” He sighed, hearts twisting again. That was in his future. He clutched her tighter and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, fighting the sudden desire to somehow pull her into his very skin so he'd never have to worry about losing her.
Rose shifted in his arms, slowly pulling back to look up at him. So much about her had changed in the years between them. There was a level of self assuredness there he hadn't seen before. She'd never been one to back down from a fight, but she'd lost all of her childishness. Life experience and struggle had settled her. He wondered if she still laughed as easily.
The Doctor looked down at her mouth, wondering what her grin looked like on this more mature face, wondering if he could get her to smile like that just once before she left. Then he realized he'd been looking at her mouth for several seconds, and it had opened a crack. He could feel her pulse speeding up. His might be doing the same. He wasn't thinking about doing it, he just didn't stop himself. Magnets. He was leaning closer, he could feel her breath on his mouth.
“The hell? Doctor? Why'd you lock the door?”
There was a light clatter of metal as a key was inserted into the TARDIS door. Rose and the Doctor leapt apart.
“Hide, now!” Rose didn't need telling twice. There was no time to get to another room, instead she ducked around the console, dropping to the floor and crawling under the lip of the dashboard just as her younger self pushed open the front door.
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