Work Text:
The silence of the house rang in Kammie's ears, her dark bedroom was lit only by a small desk lamp.
She sat hunched over her nightstand, clicking her pen in an attempt to somehow stimulate her brain into coming up with ideas. Her band had announced a new album, they were confident this would be the thing that would launch them into the mainstream.
But here she sat, her mind blank but racing still, like there was wind blowing against the inside of her skull. She was starting to get a headache.
Why now? Why did she have to reach a block now? The album is almost done, everyone is counting on her, why can't she hold up her end?
Frustrated, she throws her pen to some end of the room, flopping on her bed face first.
There's always tomorrow.
–
Monday rears its ugly head, and it's time for school again.
The day drags slowly on, it's only second period when she's gradually growing irritated with the singing of the artificial lights overhead. Her irritation magnifies at the sight of honey colored curls beside straight white teeth.
Kammie bumps into her on the way past, glancing back, she sees Eliza falling into Daniel. Something ugly stirs in her gut.
"Watch it, trailer trash."
Kammie doesn't plan on stopping until she hears Eliza yell out again behind her.
"What? No snarky comment today?"
She turns, only glaring at her before continuing to walk. Part of her wished to see the look on Eliza's face.
–
"-so when I saw him today I didn't know what to say, it's been like, super awkward!"
Juno whined, throwing his head back against the bean bag he was lounging on.
Kammie hummed, adjusting her legs resting against the headboard of her bed. Juno came over to try and help come up with ideas for her song, but rather than doing that, he's been ranting about his dumb gay crush on that fake Jesus freak.. Riley?
"Oh, I know! Maybe you can write about that?" He perked up.
"Absolutely not." She rolls her eyes, turning her attention to the blank page in her hands.
There's several beats of silence while Juno thinks of what to say, Kammie stares at her hands.
"C'mon Kam, look around, see what's in front of you." He offers sympathetically.
Finally resting her head against the mattress, she replies.
"There's a ceiling in front of me."
–
At night she doesn't sleep, still staring at the ceiling. If you stare at it long enough, it almost looks like faces begin to form, twisting and turning like liquid. It's like what you see behind your eyelids when you rub your eyes too much. Kammie has become acquainted with the thought.
By this time Juno had long left, her grandparents were fast asleep, when she was little she was anxious they wouldn't wake up.
As time passed, she didn't fear the thought as much. Life is a fickle thing, it's very brief with no ultimate purpose. People spend their entire lives searching for meaning, a reason as to why humanity exists. You waste your time like that, she thinks.
She likes to think of herself as a conscious person. An intelligent person. While Kammie still pursues her passions, she knows it is ultimately a worthless feat.
Everything disappears, in due time so will she, and in turn, her ideas.
She inspects her arm, old gashes healed into small flesh mounds. Little mountains decorated all around her skin, constant reminders of her own vulnerability.
Reminders of her experience, she knows better now.
Kammie looks to the page, smudges from her eraser in the top left corner.
–
After school on Friday, Kammie makes the trek to her friend Miles’ treehouse, bag slung over her shoulder. She and her friends made plans to hangout, school is always a unanimous stressor for all of them, so it's nice to decompress.
It isn't long before she arrives at her destination, before her standing the old treehouse Miles practically lives in, the old wood warped and dull.
Climbing up the ladder, she’s greeted by Juno at the top, Sam and Miles already deep in conversation. They're often in their own little world, together.
“Hey man, I’m glad you could make it.” Juno grins, leaning his back against the wall.
Kammie smiles back, “Yeah, how’re you holding up with.. y’know..” nodding her head towards the two conversing in the corner.
Juno can only huff out a laugh before they turn to greet her.
“Hey Kam! Sorry about that, me and Miles were just.. Um..” Sam looks off to the side, seemingly hesitant to finish his thought.
Miles leans back on his arms, spreading out his legs. “We were talking about our new album.” He paused briefly, “Say, have you finished that song yet?”
Kammie swallows, setting down her bag against the nearest wall. “No, I’ve reached a block I think. There's just been a lot on my mind lately.”
Miles hums in return, tilting his head to the side. “Like what?” he says, patting the spot next to him and Sam on the floor.
“I don't know, just-” She pauses, shuffling to sit down beside them. “Do you guys ever think of your own mortality? Like, everything is kind of pointless, isn't it? Since we all die someday.”
Miles and Sam look at each other briefly, on the other side of the treehouse Juno looks down at his shoes. She internally begins to regret opening up.
“Well yeah, but,” Sam pipes up, “Doesn’t that make it all the more reason to enjoy living?”
“What? What kind of sense does that make?” Kammie retorts, scrunching up her nose slightly.
He sits up. “I mean, life is short so.. There’s no point in dwelling on it. Live as you want, have fun while you can.” He looks up at her before continuing.
“You’ll lead a miserable life worrying about the point of it all. There is none, that’s why we create our own purpose.”
Wordlessly, Kammie springs up and hurriedly grabs her bag, making a beeline for the ladder down.
Her friends call behind her, but she doesn’t hear them.
She finally knows what to write about.