Chapter Text
Daemons. A strange phenomenon to think about if one truly spent the time to ponder. When he was younger, Shang Qinghua remembered asking his parents where Daemons came from. Both he and Airplane were brimming with curiosity for the answer. But his parents, like always, waved the two of them off. And their Daemons were just the same. So Shang Qinghua and Airplane were left with doing their own research.
Centuries ago, far enough back that the exact timeline is still wonky even now, humans began manifesting half their souls outside their body. Some theorize they were always there, just that they couldn’t be seen. Regardless, the form these souls took were always in the shape of animals. Mythical or not. In a person’s youth, the Daemon’s form would change between animals. This was attributed to the fluctuations of a child's emotional state.
When a child began entering puberty, they would go through something called 'Settling'. This was when their Daemon would permanently turn into an animal that best reflected their human. However the thing was, a person usually never saw their Daemon's form settle. This was because when a person hit the start of puberty, their Daemon would be swapped with that of their Soulmate’s. And together the two would grow with each other. Only after the Daemon was reunited with their human would they swap and get their soul piece back.
"I wonder what you'll settle into!" Shang Qinghua would whisper to Airplane late into the night. It was a common topic the two would gush endlessly over.
Airplane giggled, entire body shaking with excitement as she shifted into a puppy. "Maybe I'll be something big and cool! Like Godzilla!"
"Yeah! And my Soulmate will have something small so we can protect them!”
“Yeah!”
For most of childhood, it was always something exciting to ponder. When one was a kid, they didn’t fully grasp what it meant to have your Daemon swap with your Soulmate’s. To them it was like leaving your home to go to school. You’d come back by the end of the day. It wasn’t like you were going away forever. But then the swap would happen. And when it finally dawned on the children they wouldn’t be seeing their Daemon– their very first friend– for quite a while, of course the waterworks would start coming. That’s why Daemon swapping was always a bit of a delicate affair.
For Shang Qinghua, he at least liked to think he was somewhat prepared for when it would happen. He and Airplane were plenty smart! And growing up in the household they did, they learned to be aware of most things from an early age. They knew that the separation would be for a while. Like 5 years or something! So in the meantime they had to be strong. Not for themselves, but for their Soulmate. Shang Qinghua would absolutely protect his Soulmate’s Daemon. And Airplane would do her best to make sure their Soulmate never felt lonely!
Yet when the Daemons of his peers began swapping one by one… There Shang Qinghua and Airplane remained. Still together. Still unswapped. And that wasn’t odd! Sometimes these things happened, especially if the soulmate themselves weren’t entering puberty. This just meant that Shang Qinghua’s soulmate was probably a little younger. It would be fine!
That’s what Shang Qinghua and Airplane tried to reassure each other with. All throughout Shang Qinghua’s remaining years in middle school and the start of his freshman year in high school, he told himself it was only a matter of time. Of course then freshman year ended and still Airplane was with Shang Qinghua. By this point it’d become another subject of ridicule from Shang Qinghua’s peers.
“She doesn’t have a soulmate” they’d say. "What a freak!" He and Airplane were used to the vitriol. The cruel words and derisive laughter pointed their way. His lack of a soulmate was perceived as a "failure" on his part. And this "failure" was just another reason for his parents to dislike him.
Since Shang Qinghua’s birth, his parents and their Daemons always seemed to be tense around each other. Little arguments here and there, accusations hissed by his father's viper and countered by his mother's hawk. Sometimes Shang Qinghua was stuck in the middle of their bickering, other times he was used as ammunition. Yet when a year of high school had passed and Shang Qinghua still hadn't swapped Daemons with his soulmate, it seemed to spark a revelation within his parents. Turns out what they needed to set aside their differences and come together was to realize that it wasn’t them who were the problem, it was Shang Qinghua.
From there any measly scraps of affection Shang Qinghua once had from his parents or their Daemons was taken away. Their patience grew shorter and they were quick to berate him and Airplane, always finding fault with the two. Slowly, bit by bit, Shang Qinghua’s confidence in himself was chipped away. The passion and desire Shang Qinghua had for protecting his Soulmate began to wane with every poisonous word spit their way. After all, what was the point if their Soulmate didn't even exist?
And Airplane reflected this change.
As she reached the ‘Settling’ phase, the forms she took grew smaller and smaller. In their youth Airplane had been bubbly, easily excitable in-between her frequent napping. She'd switch forms near constantly, most of them being that of mythical beasts. But over time in this stifling household, she grew small and timid like the soul she reflected. The two had been so used to shrinking in on themselves to be smaller targets that it made sense the form she took that best represented Shang Qinghua would be a rodent.
And at first this had upset him. But as Shang Qinghua held Airplane in his hands, her final form that of a Campbell’s Dwarf Hamster, something sparked in the two of them. A realization. It was alright that they hadn’t swapped like everyone else around them. Who cared what anyone else had to say? The only thing that mattered was the two of them together. Shang Qinghua and Airplane only needed each other. And that was fine with them.
So they went through high school alone, but not lonely. At some point Shang Qinghua stopped expecting to wake up and find his Daemon swapped. When his 15th birthday came and went, Shang Qinghua figured he was just one of the unlucky few that didn’t have a Soulmate. Good for him, he supposed. If he was being honest it was a little bit of a relief that it hadn’t happened. That it might never happen. The idea of getting to know someone new terrified him. But what scared him even more was bringing someone as special as his Soulmate’s Daemon into Shang Qinghua’s household. If he had a Soulmate, he never wanted them to deal with his shitty family.
"These are all the universities far enough away that we'd have to move out." Shang Qinghua whispered, laying out all the pamphlets on his bed. His high school year had flown by and now Shang Qinghua was preparing for his senior year. After this, college. "Here we'd have to foot the bill for dorms ourselves if I don't get a scholarship. Upside is we wouldn't need roommates. If we go here or here, we'd have to share a dorm with people. But only this one has separate bedrooms. It does have a shared bathroom though."
Airplane watched as Shang Qinghua pointed to each, describing their rooming situation. She sleepily stuffed her melon seeds into her cheeks, shuffling her tiny body over the sheets in order to pat one of the glossy papers. "If we save up enough money, we can do this one!"
She'd picked the pamphlet for the university without roommates. It was honestly the most appealing idea. The problem was getting the money for it. There was no way Shang Qinghua was going to ask his parents for help. Sure they might be willing to chip in if it meant getting him and Airplane out of their hair, but he didn't want to give them another reason to resent him. Or worse, a reason for him to owe them.
"I'm making a bit of money from posting my stories online. If I cut back on spending and save, I should have enough by the time we graduate." Shang Qinghua cracked open his notebook, jotting down numbers as he thought aloud. "And during the summer I can try and get a job or something! Have extra money just in case."
Airplane's little nose twitched as she flipped open the pamphlet, reading over what was advertised. "We can get the smallest dorm. I don't take up a lot of space, and neither do you. It'll be perfect!"
"That's smart. We'll save a Hell of a lot more that way." And if Shang Qinghua was able to secure a scholarship, that would be even sweeter!
Airplane paused in her excitement, tilting her head before gasping, "Door!"
The panicked whisper had Shang Qinghua springing into action. He scooped up Airplane, dropping her on his pillow before turning off his bedside lamp. He tugged his blanket over himself and the pamphlets just as the sound of footsteps could be heard passing Shang Qinghua’s room. The two remained quiet, barely letting themselves breathe. It was only when they heard the steps returning down the hall from the kitchen did they let their tense muscles relax.
Shang Qinghua glanced up, sharing a look with Airplane's shiny black eyes. With a giggle she tucked herself up, rolling down the pillow and landing against Shang Qinghua’s face. She nuzzled into his cheek, "That was close."
"Yeah…" Shang Qinghua sighed, relieved they hadn't been caught.
He waited a few more minutes before sitting up and turning back on the light. Airplane scrubbed at her face before yawning. It was quite late but the two had to plan this out properly. They'd go through it and revise things over the coming months, but for now they needed to at least set up goals. If Shang Qinghua had something to work towards, he'd be much more motivated.
"It's still going to cost a shit ton for 4 years…" Shang Qinghua grimaced, biting at his thumb. "Maybe we should look at apartments too?"
"Mmm but where would we go?" She tilted her head, "We'll have to pick a school first."
Airplane was right. Plus there was no guarantee an apartment would even be available come time for graduation. But Hells, Shang Qinghua was willing to find a place 3 hours from the university if it meant he could move out of this house. He was that desperate to leave.
"These are my top picks so I'll just apply to them all. And tomorrow during lunch I'll look up apartments around them. We'll make a list of cheapest to most expensive." Then from there, the two will just move to whichever university accepts him. Full proof!
Shang Qinghua gathered up the pamphlets and carefully tucked them into his notebook. He then moved that to his backpack where it was safely hidden beneath his bed. When Shang Qinghua turned off the light and laid down, Airplane was quick to clamber onto his chest and curl up. Shang Qinghua rested a hand over her, comforted in the small weight against his ribs and the gentle feel of her fur.
"I can't wait till we move out," Airplane mumbled, already slurring her words as sleep edged closer.
Shang Qinghua hummed in agreement, staring up through the darkness at his ceiling. "... Do you think we'll meet others like us?"
Airplane blinked, tilting her head, "Someone without a soulmate?"
"That. But also like us. Born the same gender and all." Shang Qinghua bit his bottom lip, fingers twitching against Airplane.
That caused Airplane to perk up, little ears turning towards Shang Qinghua, “I mean… I’d like to think so. Universities are big, right? There’s bound to be others like us.”
“But what if there isn’t? What if even there, we’re alone?”
Airplane’s heart clenched, feeling everything that weighed down Shang Qinghua. She shuffled out from beneath his hand, climbing her way across his chest so she could slide into the crook between his neck and shoulder. She then did her best to wrap her arms around what she could reach, pressing her fuzzy face against his warm skin as she hugged him.
“Well whatever happens, we’ve got each other. I mean, we made it this far, right?”
That was true. They’d dealt with so many things in their short 17 years of being alive. From verbal abuse to physical, bullies at school and in their own home. The only thing keeping the two from going mad was the fact they were weathering it together. For Airplane, Shang Qinghua could go through anything. And he knew despite her small size, the Daemon felt the same. She might no longer be big enough to protect Shang Qinghua like they always dreamed of doing for their Soulmate, but at least she could provide an emotional comfort and lessen Shang Qinghua’s anxiety.
“You’re right,” Shang Qinghua smiled faintly, reaching up to scratch her fuzzy body, “Thanks Airplane.”
“Of course!” She chirped, “Things will get better. We just have to be patient.”
He knew Airplane had a point, but waiting was hard! Especially when Shang Qinghua wanted changes now. Through their bond Airplane could tell what Shang Qinghua was thinking. She gave him a little pat, giggling softly.
“You’ll see. I’ve got a good feeling about this.”
Shang Qinghua had nothing to say to refute her words. So with a softer goodnight, he closed his eyes and let sleep take him. Shang Qinghua dreamed of university, of finding friends that accepted him and Airplane for who they were. Shang Qinghua dreamt of warmth, happiness, and support. However in the middle of the night, he did wake up once. There was an itchy sensation in his chest and a faint agitation that was not his own. But feeling fur brush against his skin had Shang Qinghua’s sleepy mind calming. He hummed, turning and curling closer to the warmth beside him. Too lost in his dreams, Shang Qinghua didn’t even notice how there was less space on his bed than usual.
Come morning, there was no way for Shang Qinghua to ignore it. Not when a paw was being shoved into his face and making it hard to breathe. Shang Qinghua scrunched his brows, turning his head and trying to cling to the last dregs of sleep. “C’mon Airplane… You’re takin’ up so much room…”
It took a moment for his sleep-addled mind to catch up with his slurred words. But the moment they did, Shang Qinghua stiffened alongside the mass against him. Shang Qinghua sprung up, gangly limbs flailing as he fell off the side of his bed with a cry. From beneath the blankets Shang Qinghua heard a high-pitched growling, the threatening sound accompanied by intense feelings of confusion and anger washing over him. So used to the gentle and soothing bond between him and Airplane, this new influx of emotions was hot like fire and left Shang Qinghua gasping.
He trembled, fear clogging his throat as the reality of the situation dawned on him.
‘No. Please no!’ Shang Qinghua thought, tears stinging his eyes. He didn’t want to look. If he looked it would make it all too real. Would confirm his deepest fears.
“Who the fuck are you?!” Spat a voice much sharper than Airplane’s, “Where am I?”
Shang Qinghua screwed his eyes closed, breath hitching. He didn’t want to look, he couldn’t!
“Answer me! Where is Binghe?!”
Flinching at her volume increase, Shang Qinghua’s head snapped up as he looked to his bedroom door. “S-shhh, don’t be so loud!”
“Don’t tell me what to do. I want answers!”
Jaws snapped close from the corner of Shang Qinghua’s eye. He yelped, flinging himself back and finally looking at the Daemon on his bed. She looked like a rather large pup, her rough black fur standing on end as she openly snarled at Shang Qinghua. The brown of her eyes was such a rich color it bordered on red, overall aiding to her threatening demeanor. But despite the clear hostility lining her frame, Shang Qinghua could feel it. Feel her apprehension, her confusion. And that solidified Shang Qinghua’s own fears.
A few stray tears slipped down Shang Qinghua’s cheeks, his heart clenching in his chest. “I-I don’t know…” He whispered, hands fisting the blanket tangled around him. “W-we swapped. You’re my S-Soulmate’s Daemon. And he… He has mine.”
“What?!” The Daemon across from him reeled back, ears pinning against her head as her form twisted and shifted. Fur gave way to scales, her body elongating as she took on the form of a rattlesnake. She coiled tight, tail rattling defensively as she flashed her fangs at Shang Qinghua. In response to seeing a snake, Shang Qinghua gave a full-bodied flinch, cowering further in on himself. “I can’t be here! Luo Binghe needs me!”
“P-please, stop yelling!” Shang Qinghua, in contrast, was furiously whispering at the other Daemon. He knew this was a distressing situation. His own feelings of upset were feeding into her’s, turning around and being sent towards Shang Qinghua in a feedback loop. It wasn’t helping matters that his own anxiety was spiking. If they were too loud then–
“I said don’t tell me what to do!” The Daemon snapped at him, hissing low in her throat. “Luo Binghe needs me to protect him! Those assholes will hurt him worse if I’m not there!!”
Instantly horror dawned on Shang Qinghua at the implication. He felt his face drain of color and a deep trembling began throughout his body. Those tears that he’d tried so hard to hold back finally burst forth. Shang Qinghua hiccuped, grabbing his head in distress.
“Airplane can’t protect anyone! She’s too small!!” The one thing the two of them had wanted to do for so long and now they couldn’t. Because Shang Qinghua had caused Airplane to take on a smaller form. If he’d been a stronger person, if he’d maintained his confidence, Airplane could’ve settled as a large animal. She would have been able to protect his Soulmate who was apparently being abused. But Shang Qinghua hadn’t done that. He’d been weak. And because of that he’d failed Airplane. Failed his Soulmate.
Shang Qinghua was openly weeping now, distress clogging his chest and making it hard to breathe. Of course he’d swap with his Soulmate just when he’d grown accustomed to the idea of never having one. And he was already fucking it up. How could Shang Qinghua expect to protect his Soulmate’s Daemon when he couldn’t even protect himself? The intense wave of self-loathing that welled up within Shang Qinghua was agonizing. He gasped for air, curling in tight and clutching at his chest.
On his bed his Soulmate’s Daemon hesitated, her defensive form switching back to that large scraggly pup. She kept her body low as she slowly inched towards the edge of the bed. She could feel the poisonous things swirling in Shang Qinghua’s heart, barbed and causing him pain. It bothered her, made her concerned. And that concern made her angry. She’d never cared for anyone other than Luo Binghe. Yet here she was, the bond between her and Shang Qinghua conveying to her everything. Practically forcing her to care. Her first instinct was to lash out, to growl and fight it. But that just caused this person distress. And that only grated on her even more.
“Hey!” She snapped, gritting her teeth when Shang Qinghua shrunk away. With a huff, the Daemon tried to gentle her tone, “Hey… Come on. Crying won’t help anyone.”
“I’m sorry!” Shang Qinghua sobbed, giving no indication he’d heard her. Yet what he did hear was the sound of heavy footsteps stomping their way down the hall. Shang Qinghua’s posture stiffened, head shooting up. He stared in horror at his door as a fist pounded against it.
“Shang Qinghua! Shut up! It’s too early for your nonsense!” Came the enraged voice of Shang Qinghua’s father.
Almost on instinct Shang Qinghua scrambled to put himself between the door and his Soulmate’s Daemon. Despite the tears still staining his cheeks, Shang Qinghua flawlessly interjected false cheer into his voice, “Sorry! I was just so excited that–!”
“I don’t care about why, just keep it down or else!”
There was the hiss of his father’s serpent, her cutting words trailing off as his father stomped away. “Honestly, such a pest…”
Shang Qinghua stood there, trembling in relief his father hadn’t deigned to open the door to continue yelling. But as soon as his steps faded back down the hall, Shang Qinghua felt his strength leave him. He slowly crumpled to the floor, gasping before biting his hand, trying to keep his sobs muffled as he began crying once more. Now that he was in this situation, Shang Qinghua didn’t want it. He didn’t want to swap his Daemons. He hated this. He wanted Airplane back.
“Hey!” Though her tone was harsh, the Daemon at least lowered her voice. She leapt off the bed, hesitating for only a moment before making her way over to Shang Qinghua’s side. She sat down, ears pinned back.
The Daemon looked unsure over what to do. But as she stared at Shang Qinghua, her guarded gaze softened just the barest amount. After some internal debate she sighed heavily before setting her paws on Shang Qinghua’s leg. “Seriously…” She nudged her snout against his hand, pushing his arm out of the way so she could press against his tear-soaked face. Her tongue came out, lapping away the salty droplets. In response Shang Qinghua’s sobs began to subside, only sniffling and a few stray tears remaining.
“Look, this shit sucks. Your Daemon’s small, right?”
Shang Qinghua nodded, pushing out a warbled “She’s a hamster.”
The Daemon before him made a face, “Ugh. That is small. But it makes sense.” She sat on her haunches, gesturing with a paw towards Shang Qinghua. “You’re small and pathetic so go figure your Daemon is too.” Before the mean-sounding words could lodge in Shang Qinghua’s heart and hurt him further, the Daemon continued speaking. She placed her paw against Shang Qinghua’s knee, a gentle point of contact. “But you’re my small and pathetic thing now. And I’m sure Binghe feels the same way about your Airplane. I’m little now, but I’ll get bigger. And then I’ll protect you. So don’t worry too much. We’ll get through this together.”
A new flood of tears welled up in Shang Qinghua’s eyes. His breath hitched and he tried to offer a smile, even if he didn’t feel like it. The words resounded with him. They reminded him so much of what Airplane had told him just the other night.
“Ok…” Shang Qinghua sniffed, holding his hand out to the Daemon. “I’m Shang Qinghua.”
Snorting, the Daemon rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I heard.” She then placed her paw in his hand, letting him shake it. “I’m Xin Mo.”
“Xin Mo?”
“Mmm. Binghe named me. It’s a perfect name that I’m proud to carry!” Xin Mo puffed out her chest, radiating smugness. Wagging her tail, Xin Mo placed her paws against Shang Qinghua’s sternum in order to be able to lean up and knock their foreheads together. “And since you have me as your Daemon now, you’d better share that pride! You’re quite lucky to have someone like me and Binghe as a soulmate.”
Shang Qinghua blinked, stupefied before he cracked a more genuine smile. He hesitated before reaching up to scratch at the fur around Xin Mo’s neck. Chuckling softly, Shang Qinghua said, “I guess so.”
Things weren’t perfect. Shang Qinghua was still upset and he missed Airplane. But he was doing better than he thought he would. Xin Mo was sharp and abrasive, yet that was grounding to Shang Qinghua. She cut through his anxiety with her pushiness, forcing him to be in the moment and focus on her. Though they’d only known each other for barely 10 minutes, Shang Qinghua felt something in him slotting into place. Though he was still worried about the future, Shang Qinghua felt like he truly would be ok. And though Airplane wasn’t at his side like they’d originally planned, that was alright. Shang Qinghua was good at thinking on the fly. He could get through this. He wasn’t alone. Xin Mo was at his side and somewhere out there, so too was Airplane and his Soulmate, Luo Binghe.
Whoever that was. But it was fine! Shang Qinghua was sure it would work out in the end. He just had to be patient like Airplane always said. He could do that.