Chapter Text
The tragedy of being a pirate while also wanting to have a meaningful first sexual experience with someone of importance was this: it was statistically unlikely to ever happen.
Sanji may have been a bit late realizing this, and it had taken him quite a few near death experiences and an unwanted arranged marriage falling through for him to really grasp it. He’s not, unfortunately, very likely to meet the love of his life while in constant travel, fleeing law enforcement and engaging in battle. The choices left to him seem to be: wait until he’s settled and established in all blue which could be anywhere between 3-20 years in the future, or stop putting so much stock in the concept of virginity and get freaky on the next island.
It isn’t like he hadn’t been tempted before. Even back on the Baratie he had come close when returning customers had given him their attention. But the knowledge that they’d never stay had been enough to sway his tender romantic heart. Even with the crude stories and occasional teasing of the other chefs he had held firm in his belief that one day he would get married to a lovely lady and they would enter their newly appointed bedroom with equal lack of experience, trusting each other wholly and dearly. They would be embarrassed and slow but it would be magical in the end, the two of them joyous in having their first time together. He’s really thought it through, he has it all planned.
Turns out it’s a lot harder to romance when you only get a month at most islands. Not too many women willing to drop everything and get hitched and then risk their lives over Luffy's next adventure.
For a brief time Sanji had actually indulged in the idea that, one day, maybe, him and Pudding would actually consummate their marriage. Then she’d shot his sister, which had not been great.
Fast forward to the present, and he’s not even trying to go romance someone at this point. He’s just sitting at a bar, starring at his glass of cheap wine, trying to decide if this is the begining of his new life as a carefree whore or not. It has a nice ring to it.
Iva had told him there was freedom is sexual exploration. They’d said a lot of stuff that Sanji hadn’t quite been ready to hear, but he’d still listened ok. Like, he’d known he was attracted to men- that wasn’t anything insane- he just didn’t see any possibility of romance with them. Men seemed to always want sex when Sanji wanted connection, and he had no way of explaining that to the guys that bought him drinks without having them be assholes about it. If only he’d been more open when Ace had offered.
“All by yourself, handsome?”
Sanji rolls his head despondently towards the voice, a middle aged man of average build without anything unique about him whatsoever. Sanji could have laughed at the irony of the question.
“For the rest of my life, probably.” Sanji deadpans, grabbing his glass to take the world's most unenthusiastic sip. He goes back to staring at the countertop, confident he just bummed the guy out enough to send him away.
“Buuuuuut not for tonight?” Or not. Desperation and a positive attitude will get you anywhere it seems. Sanji turns back to the guy, giving him a closer look.
No, still boring. Sanji can’t even be bothered to take in his hair color. The countertop was better.
“I don’t know.” Sanji says, voicing his thoughts aloud. “What difference would it make to loose my virginity on this island vs the next? Is the next island going to be cherry popping island? Am I just supposed to keep waiting? Should I just go to a brothel?”
Maybe he should go to brothel. They’d know what they were doing at least.
“Uh. Well.” Oh great the guy was actually answering how fabulous. “I, uh, have a room upstairs?”
“Wow! Random sex with the first guy to talk to me tonight! Why didn’t I think of that before!?” Sanji waves his hands in the air, turning to fully face the man. “You didn’t even buy me a drink, shithead.”
“Ok, you know, you don’t have to be such an asshole about it.” Mr. Asshole says, turning around and walking off with a huff. Sanji returns to his sad wine, drowns the glass and begins staring at the counter anew.
Jokes on that guy, if he had bought him another drink maybe he would have actually fucked him. Maybe. Who knows.
“Probably a lot faster to just kick them next time, cook.”
Closing his eyes for a moment, Sanji gathers his patience before turning to confirm that, yes, somehow Zoro had managed to find the one bar in town that Sanji had chosen to be in for the evening.
“What do you want, mosshead. I’m busy.”
Zoro gives Sanji and his sad wine an unconvinced look.
“The fuck are you doing moping around at a bar alone? Some girl turn you down already?” Zoro makes a grab for the wine and Sanji slaps his hand away.
“I’ll have you know I’m making important life decisions right now and it’s very taxing on my soul.” He finishes his drink, waving the empty glass in Zoro's face. “Now shoo.”
“What, deciding between pasta and rice tomorrow?” Zoro mutters.
Sanji slams his palm on the bar top, turning around to fully face the other man. He opens his mouth only to immediately snap it closed, realizing that maybe, actually, the Marimo is the worst possible candidate to hear about his woes. It’s not that he’s expecting Zoro to be a dick about it, but he’s not exactly the most sympathetic listener of the straw hats. Well mosshead, turns out I don’t want to die a virgin so I’m trying to get my head out of my ass long enough to let someone touch me even if we’re not reciting love sonnets to each other. Zoro didn’t even know what a sonnet was.
Frustrated, Sanji turns back around and puts his head on the counter, hoping that maybe the algae brain would get the hint.
“Seriously, what’s up your ass? You only spent like 5 minutes spewing compliments at Nami’s today. You sick?” Zoro flags down the bartender and orders the usual grog, clearly ignoring Sanji's plea for solitude.
More like what’s not up his ass, Sanji thinks dryly. He had left his lovely Nami-San and Robin-Chan that morning with only the barest of compliments to his great shame, his heart too distracted by his inner turmoil.
The counter is cold against his face as he contemplates what he should do. Zoro would leave if Sanji genuinely asked him to- that was how they worked. They respected each other just as much as they annoyed each other and, dare he say it, they were friends. So what if Zoro laughed at him, he’d just beat his face in until his shoe broke. Then they’d keep on as usual.
“I want to loose my virginity.”
The grog exists Zoros mouth in an impressive burst. It dribbles down his chin as he coughs violently, wiping as his face while the bartender curses, giving the swordsman a glare.
“And before you give me shit I’ll have you know it was my choice to not- do stuff with anybody because I wanted it to be special.” Sanji grinds his teeth as he narrows his eyes at Zoro in warning. “I don’t care if you think it’s stupid. I wanted it to mean something and so I advise you to be very careful wording your response.”
It feels like the whole bar goes silent for a few moments as Sanji watches the Marimo swallow and slowly turn to look in Sanjis direction. His one eye is blown wide and his face is going through a series twitches like it can’t decide which expression to give. It settles into something very carefully blank after a while, his shoulders set in an unnaturally stiff line.
“That’s.” Zoro pauses again, seemingly to think of the correct words. “Good?”
Sanjis toe connects harshly with the green man’s shin, causing a hiss.
“Well what am I supposed to say to that!?” Zoro yells, rubbing at his leg. “I didn’t even know you were- that!”
“I don’t know what I want you to say!” Sanji bursts. “I don’t even know why I told you! Just-!” Sanji grabs his own face, dragging his fingers down the skin and groaning. “Just tell me it’s not going to be bad and weird with some stranger I don’t completely trust! Tell me it’s going to be this insignificant thing that hardly actually matters!”
He grips the ends of his hair, the curls weaving through his fingers as he tugs. “Tell me that barring yourself is actually easy and the whole thing means nothing, because otherwise I’ll fight myself on this for the rest of my god damn life.”
There’s a warm touch to his hand, giving it a slow tug to ease it out of his hair. It surprises him, and he follows it down tanned knuckles to Zoro’s sleeve.
“Hey, breathe. Come on, you’re working yourself into a panic. Breathe.” The swordsman instructs. His voice has gone surprisingly gentle as he continues. “You’re going to stop hyperventilating and I’m going to order another drink.”
Somehow, they both do just that. Sanji inhales and holds it for a good second while Zoro appeases the bartender with a wad of bills. His next drink is promptly chugged by the time Sanji is more in control of his breathing.
“Ok.” Zoro begins again, setting the empty glass down. “First of all, don’t kick me just because you don’t like what I have to say. Deal?”
“No deal.” Sanji answers immediately.
“Worth a shot. Anyways, no way you’re ready for sex”
Sanji throws his leg back as Zoro exits his barstool swiftly, putting a smart amount of distance between them.
“You almost passed out from stress just talking about it, cook! How the fuck do you think actually doing it is gonna go?”
Sanji refuses to answer that, instead choosing to glare from his seat, leg still prepared to lash out.
“So that’s it then? You’re brilliant advice is to wait?” Sanji hisses.
“Are you in that big of a rush?” Zoro counters.
Sanji holds back on explaining the whole I could die tomorrow and I don’t want to die a virgin thing. He deflates almost comically, not having realized just how tense he was up until that moment. He’d been holding himself defensively, he realizes with slight shock. His body in fight or flight mode just over the idea of intimacy that night.
Fuck. Zoro was right.
“I’m- not ready.” Sanji admits, more to himself than Zoro. It shouldn’t be such a surprise, but it is and that annoys the hell out of him.
“And there’s nothing wrong with that.” The swordsman adds with a nod. “You’re the love cook. Of course you want your first time to be mushy and special. It’s who you are.”
Oh, Sanji could cry over that. How badly he wants to not be the love cook for a moment though. To just exist with his skin and bones without his overly romantic heart controlling everything. He’s never felt so betrayed by the ba-bump of his heartbeat as it skitters into overdrive at the mere thought of flesh on strange flesh.
“I don’t want to wait anymore.” He’s aware that he sounds childish, but he hardly cares anymore. “It’s this stupid expectation now and it’s too much. If I wait any longer it’s just going to keep building and freaking me out.”
Zoro and Sanji heave a sign at nearly the same time, resulting in a mutual look of annoyance. The swordsman takes a moment to order another drink, drain it, and then fix the cook with a serious look.
“…ok, so just to be clear- you want to have sex but you want it to be special. It can’t be special to you without a connection. You can’t have a connection with someone unless you know and trust them completely. Is that right?” Zoro asks, genuinely checking.
“…right.” Sanji mumbles morosely.
“…and you haven't considered…someone in the crew?”
There’s another pause as 1. Zoro gets himself out of kicking range and 2. Sanji straightens in shock. No, despite all his moping over the issue, he hadn’t considered anyone on the crew. But of course, he quickly realizes that might have been because he’s deeply lacking in options on that front.
“Excluding the crew that’s in a relationship or in love with someone else already, I’m afraid I’m not into reindeer children or bones.” Sorry Brook. “That literally leaves Jinbe. You seriously expect me to ask Jinbe to-,”
“No, what the fuck, I meant me!” Zoro exclaims. “What the hell is wrong with you, of course I’m not sitting here pimping Jinbe to you.”
“You’d be such a shit pimp.” Then the rest of Zoro’s words catch up to him. “Wait. What?”
“Did you seriously think of Jinbe before me? Like in your head you went ‘who would I rather fuck, Zoro or Jinbe’ and you just jumped straight to Jinbe? Really? The fish man old enough to be your dad?”
“Ok but-,”
“Really thought it’d be Nami-swan this, Nami-swan that-,”
“She and Vivi-Chan are happily together how dare you-,”
“-but no, the top contender is Jinbe-,”
This time Zoro doesn’t doge the kick, Sanji having stood up to get within reach fast enough to connect to his shin again. The swordsman topples over with a curse, echoed by the bartender at the sight of a potential bar fight.
“I can’t believe I have to clarify this, but I do not actually want to fuck Jinbe. I just said that aloud. You just made me say that out loud.” Sanji tosses a few more bills at the bartender, enough to cover the potentially damaged stool and a silent mouth. He rounds on the mosshead with renewed ire. “Go back to the part about you offering yourself, but say it in a way that doesn’t make it sound like a joke this time.”
That’s enough to snap Zoro out of his angry retort. Instead of starting a fight, he stands up to his full height slowly and looks Sanji dead in the eye. He searches Sanji's face for half a second more before he finally replies.
“You want a connection. We’re connected.” Zoros words are firm with conviction. It’s easy to tell how genuine he is. “If what you need is trust, you know you have mine, and I know I have yours.”
For a moment Sanji wants to laugh. Of course Zoro would find a way to make this seem like a bushido code exercise. Honor the other as you would honor yourself, yada yada. He makes it sound so dignified.
“You’re serious about this. Why?”
Zoro looks like he’s preparing himself again for confrontation before uttering the words “Because I want to.”
It’s Sanjis turn to splutter this time, luckily sans drink. It makes sense, sure, and he doesn’t know why he’s still suprised every time Zoro is blunt as a nail, but still. He’s been propositioned by plenty of men and a decent enough amount of women to know he’s not hideous, but Roronoa Zoro isn’t just some guy.
Maybe that’s why Sanji hasn’t said no already. Zoro was right about their connection- he knew the swordsman to a point that it was already intimate.
“Even if…I want it to be romantic? Sweet?”
Zoro raises a brow. “You think I’m not capable of that?”
“You don’t exactly scream ‘tender lover’” Sanji grumbles, embarrassed all over again.
“Doesn’t mean I can’t be one.” Zoro says with a shrug. He’s back to being casual about everything, which makes a vein tick in Sanji's forehead.
It’s a lot to process but it’s also not, is the thing. It makes too much sense at the end, which just serves to piss Sanji off more. Out of everyone in the whole world, who else has his back the way he knows Zoro does? If he can trust the swordsman to keep him alive during the heat of battles against warlords and kings, he can trust Zoro with the humiliation of sex.
It brings up the last question, one that Sanji already suspects he has the answer to.
“And you’ve, uh, done it before?”
His voice cracks a little at the last bit, which is not ideal. Still, Zoro's not laughing yet so it could be worse.
“Yes.” Zoro replies, and it’s without shame. Why would it be? Sanji’s probably the only idiot 21 year old pirate who didn’t have the guts to put out because he wanted true love and ended up almost dying a virgin as a result. Zoro, mister live without regrets probably took up all sorts of people at their no doubt plentiful offers. Sanji wasn’t about to lie and say Zoro was anything less than gorgeous- body like it was carved from marble, sharp and striking features, a composed and proud posture. It didn’t matter that he bathed once a week and acted like a slob half the time because you could still take one look at Roronoa Zoro and tell he was a strong, powerful, and unwavering person.
“Right. Yeah.” Sanji wasn’t sure what else to say to that. Congratulations? “Cool.” Fabulous, even. Applause all around.
He guesses that’s all there is then. Zoro’s sitting there, waiting for possibly more questions, but Sanji is strung out of words. He knows where this is leading- he wouldn’t still be talking if he hadn’t already made up his mind.
“So. When?”
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