Chapter Text
"MotherFUCKER-" BLAM! Amphitrite startled awake, head turning slightly to look at her husband.
"'ello-?" She tried to greet, sluggish from sleep as Poseidon dramatically threw himself onto the bed.
"Can you believe this, Amphi!?" He snapped, his whole body throwing itself into a sitting position. Ah, this is one of those nights... "This- this coward thinks he can escape the consequences! Went up to Aeolus to get rid of the consequences, and now he's gonna go back home with no consequences! And Zeus won't listen to me about the consequences, says they're gonna come on their own! WELL I DON'T WANNA WAIT! I WANT THE CONSEQUENCES NOW!"
Amphitrite looked blankly at her husband, sleep still clinging at her eyelids. "... Sei, what the fuck are you talking about?" She finally asked Poseidon, confused beyond belief.
"The consequences, Amphi!" Poseidon repeated, as if that cleared up anything.
"Of... what, exactly?" She asked, slowly sitting up. "The war in... what, Thrace?"
"Troy." Poseidon corrected, his voice the calmest it had been since he came in. Amphitrite was usually too busy running things in Atlantis to really care about what was going on outside while he dealt with his family. The least he could do was help her stay updated.
"Right, Troy." She corrected herself, nodding in gratitude. "It ended, like..." She slowly did the math in her head. "A few months ago at this point, I think? And you're only back now, rambling about consequences."
Poseidon groaned loudly, pacing. "It's fucking- Athena's little pet mortal, Odysseus-"
"Oh, you're mad at your niece again." Amphitrite mused out loud, before moving to lay back down in their bed.
"No- Amphi, come on-"
"You know what I think about you waking me up just to complain about your family, Sei-"
"It's not about Athena!" Poseidon snapped, somehow gesturing as if his body wasn't big enough for what he was feeling. "It's the mortal!"
"... How'd a mortal manage to piss you off this badly?" Amphitrite questioned, coming back out from under the blanket.
Poseidon took a deep breath, waiting for Amphitrite to properly sit up in their bed. "Alright, so Odysseus and his fleet arrive at the cyclops' island- the ones I had with Thoösa, not the ones who made my trident." He clarified. "Would be weird if they were- anyway, they arrive, find Polyphemus' cave, break in and kill one of his sheep."
"Okay, go on."
"Thing is, Polyphemus was keeping those sheeps for mostly the same reason Helios keeps cattle, and those humans just killed his friend! Smart boy that he is, he decides here and then to kill those guys, even after this Odysseus guy tried to bribe him with some wine, and he actually got a a few before-"
"I'm not sure that was a bribe, I think Odysseus was trying to make up for killing the sheep." Amphitrite noted, frowning. "If your son still tried to kill them after that, that's a violation of hospitality..."
"Who cares!? Those idiots walked into a cave full of domesticated sheep and immediately killed one of them! They broke hospitality first!" Poseidon snapped, and Amphitrite gave a little nod of agreement. "And anyway, it turns out the wine was fucking drugged! And they used the opportunity to fucking blind him! And on top of all that, Odysseus had given him a bullshit name so when the other cyclops came to investigate, they'd think nothing was wrong!"
She frowned, more to herself as she thought than at her husband. "Sei, I don't think it's fair to be mad at mortals for defending themselves..." Amphitrite then noted. "Your son did kill a few of them."
"No, I'm not mad about that!" Poseidon protested. "Well, maybe a bit. But that's not the problem! That coward just... ran away after! And taunted Polyphemus about tricking and crippling him! And yelled out his name and address while doing it!"
"Wait, didn't you say he was Athena's?" Amphitrite questioned, now confused.
"He is!" Poseidon confirmed, livid beyond belief. "Yet another reason to hate him!"
"... she's the goddess of wisdom. Why is he so dumb?"
"Your guess is as good as mine! But I- I cannot let this stand, Amphi." Poseidon growled. "And I didn't! I created the biggest, meanest raging storm I could! And put it right around his stupid island!" He practically bragged, starting to pace again. "Practically designed to stop anything in it's tracks! Other gods would barely be able to find their way through it without my permission, nevermind a fleet of mortals! They were fucked! They were supposed to die trying to get back home! But noooo, Ody had to spot the Island in the Sky, and went up there to ask for help, and he got it-!" He didn't finish his sentence, erupting in angry gibberish.
"... Is that the consequences you were rambling about?" Amphitrite asked, squinting to herself as her husband's entrance rant suddenly made a lot more sense.
"Yes!" Poseidon snapped. "And now, Aeolus put my storm in a bag, and Zeus told me to just let it happen, and that greek is going to make it back home without any-"
"- consequences, yes I got that." Amphitrite interrupted before her husband could go on another rant about consequences. She rubbed the exhaustion out of her eyes. "Alright, first of all: isn't Aeolus... kind of a jerk?" She questioned. "They like playing tricks, last time I checked. I don't think your dumb mortal is gonna make it back home that easily."
Poseidon stopped dead in his tracks, staring at his wife with a blank expression. "Ah." His whole posture then relaxed. "Hadn't thought about that."
"Didn't think so..." Amphitrite patted the space next to her, inviting her husband to come sit down. Once he did so, she gently grabbed his face, and dragged his head into her lap. "Okay, so now that we established that this man is not, in fact, getting away with his crime against you: where is your storm supposed to lead him?"
"Crime against us, and the Land of the Giants." Poseidon informed her, relaxing despite himself as she played with his hair. "He's just been sailing in circles, though."
"Sailors sail differently when in a storm than on calm seas." Amphitrite reminded him. "If someone opens the bag, the storm will be unleashed, and drag them right to the Laestrygonians." She reassured him, digging her nails into his scalp. "And they can definitely humble some arrogant dipshit."
Poseidon grunted. "I know, Amphi. But I still want to kill him..." He then whined.
Amphitrite hummed. "Well, working yourself up isn't going to lead to anything." Her eyes then narrowed. "And what do you mean by 'us'? Last time I checked, your cyclops weren't mine."
Poseidon moved his head slightly, gauging his wife's face. Often, he feared that she was much more upset with his fooling around than she let on. But she didn't look angry or frustrated, merely confused. "If I don't avenge Polyphemus, it makes it look like I don't care for what's mine. It makes you look unimportant. Like an afterthought." He hissed. "Had he killed him, I could've ignored it: things die sometime. But he didn't, he just humiliated him. And if I don't do anything, then that reflects poorly on me. And if I look like a soft-spinned idiot who won't stand up for what's his, what does that make you who married me?"
Amphitrite hummed, now understanding her husband's plight. "Well, we definitely can't have that..." She thought for a moment. "Besides the insult, what else has this... Odysseus done to anger you?"
Poseidon scoffed, fully turning to look at his wife. "He's got Athena's false righteousness about him. 'Oh, I'm Odysseus of Ithaca, and instead of killing you like any sane person would for what you did I'm gonna blind you and tell you to live with it'!" He mimed gagging at this. "Worst part is: he's the one who ended the fucking war! He knows that being ruthless is mercy upon one's self, he just- argh!"
Amphitrite hummed, waiting for her husband to settle back down. "Sounds to me like you should remind him, then."
Poseidon blinked at her, processing her words. He then recognized the spark in her eyes, and smiled up something terrifying at her. "What do you have in mind?"
Amphitrite smiled back. "I don't think I need to tell you, love~"