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After all that, going to hell and back to save her…there Vi was, right back where she started. The wall she stared at was spattered with dirt, some flecks of blood. It swallowed up her heavy breaths, and from how much the wall took up her field of view due to how close she stood in front of it, it was as if the dingy gray was an endless void that stretched out infinitely, swallowing up her whole body too.
Maybe that was her fate, where she really belonged. The only life that would be the default just for her. Those four walls, the concrete cell, her prison and her entire world. She used to dream of breaking out, that she would be the one to fix it all, if she could get out of Stillwater somehow. She would dream up all these impossible scenarios just to get through each day, of finding Powder, collecting the broken pieces of their life and reassembling what little there was left to salvage and she would do it no matter how the jagged edges cut her fingers. Vi would be the one to ignore her own blood, sweat and tears to put it all back together again.
In a way, she had always thought she was meant to be the hero. That the responsibility fell on her shoulders and she couldn’t fail, she couldn’t afford to, not with so many people counting on her. But time and time again, Vi would stumble and flop and claw her way through life trying to rise up to that responsibility only to end up spreading oil over everything and everyone around her with all her flailing, her mere existence the match that burned down and destroyed it all.
She couldn’t save anyone. And for that reason, Vi glared at the wall in front of her and wished it was her own face, so she could look herself in the eyes and admit the truth. No one needed her, or wanted her, and maybe when she was locked away in that cell she had always been right where she should have been. Those thoughts draped over her like a steel blanket until the sound of footsteps penetrated the endless noise in her head.
There was a time when she looked over her shoulder at the person who stood behind her now and felt nothing. Empty. Like the bars separating them were physical manifestations of all the differences between them.
Piltie scum. Perfumed princess. Asshole enforcer. All the insults came to mind the first time Vi had laid eyes on her. An enforcer, the blight on her life, the one she thought was to blame for all her problems, when she should’ve been pointing the finger at herself. Never in her wildest dreams would Vi have thought back then that at the moment she looked at Topsider Caitlyn Kiramman now her eyes would widen in soft recognition and her chest would tighten at the sight of the woman she felt she needed most then, even if she didn’t deserve her there.
“Had a feeling I might find you here,” Caitlyn stated casually, locking eyes with Vi through the bars and unlocking the cell door after briefly fiddling with the keys, pushing at the thick bars to open it.
Vi didn’t go to her. She was frozen in place, the place she felt she belonged most, with Caitlyn standing outside the prison cell that was much like the one Vi had familiarized herself with over the course of seven years. She turned her head away in shame, retreating back to the confines of the cell.
“I really believed she’d help.” Vi pressed the side of her closed fist against the wall, feeling the abrasive texture and all the little chips and dents in its surface.
“Say it,” she seethed. “You told me so.”
The heat building up in her face, behind her eyes as she fought back tears felt like she was standing right in front of the flames raging around the wreckage of her choices. All those wrong turns trying to find a way out of what seemed like an endless cycle for Vi, where she left puddles of coal black ink in her wake to fuel the fire that seared everything away until she was left with ashes in her hands.
“I was an idiot to trust her. I went behind your back. I choose wrong every time!” Her voice broke as she hit her forehead against the wall.
She didn’t understand why she could never figure it out. And what screw was loose in her brain that made her keep trying, despite how many times she failed. That compulsion to keep fighting, to keep pushing and reaching and searching and trying to hold onto all that ash and smoke until it slipped through her fingers.
“And because of it…I’ve lost everyone.” Vi reached up to grip the back of her neck with both hands, feeling as though the only thing she had left was the body she was in. And after ruining everything, fucking it all up, all she could do was stand there. She was still there, still standing, alone. Just like when it all started.
Caitlyn quietly watched Vi talk through her struggle, simply listening to her, the agony laced in her voice. Although she knew what Vi was saying wasn’t true, she stared at Vi’s tensed back, the woman all coils of torment and self-hatred that ran so deep Caitlyn might not ever see the roots of all her pain. She wondered how long all of it had been eating away at Vi. How many years those thoughts swirled around her while she rotted away in the cell she found her in so many months ago.
Vi curled in on herself, accepting that prison, that sentence to endless self-sacrifice that would never put her any closer to saving the ones she loved most, doomed to never be able to let go of the hope and drive to keep trying. And Caitlyn stepped inside the cell, willing to cross the threshold and brave the chaos that Vi was sure surrounded her at all times. In doing so, when Caitlyn stood next to her, seemingly unscathed, she contradicted all the thoughts in Vi’s mind.
Despite that, Vi still seemed unreachable, but Caitlyn persisted, staring at the woman in front of her who was lost in a spiral of doubt. She searched for Vi’s eyes, who could barely manage to glance at her before she softly asked, “You really think I needed all the guards at the Hexgates?”
Vi lifted her head and finally met Caitlyn’s gaze, momentarily stunned. She wasn’t sure she heard right. But the sincerity in Caitlyn’s eyes was unmistakable. Impossible to fake, as real as anything she’d ever felt in her presence before. But Vi still had a hard time believing it, needing some kind of additional confirmation. Those doubts, the voices in her head were still gnawing at the back of her skull in dogged attempts to convince her of their validity.
Caitlyn effortlessly broke through by simply smiling at Vi’s look of confusion. Bright sapphire eyes took in the bandage on the bridge of her nose from the constant fighting. The grown out, ragged scarlet hair. The cuts and fading bruises riddled on her face along with that characteristic tentative uncertainty in her eyes.
For Vi, it was all so unlikely, so contradictory to what she had always known about herself and her life that it seemed out of the question. That someone like Caitlyn, or anyone, could finally see her. For all that she was, her strengths, her faults—all her faults, and finally accept it all. Even when Vi fought against herself.
Caitlyn’s smile widened into a content grin, a sense of acceptance hitting her then, one that Vi would realize in time. Violet, as she was, standing before her, in whatever state—whether she was confident and staunch in her convictions or mired in self-doubt and anguish, whether she was fiercely taking on the world for those she loved no matter how much it hurt her or punishing herself for failing at achieving some lofty, impossible goal, whether she believed it one moment or denied it the next, whether she believed she deserved it herself—Violet was the woman Caitlyn loved. “Sorry to say…you’ve grown a bit predictable,” Caitlyn gently whispered to Vi.
She wasn’t expecting Vi to surge forward right then and there, rough hand grasping the back of her neck, pulling her in. Fervently searching her mouth for the same clarity that Caitlyn had approached her with. The way Vi clung to her was raw, heavy with need, as though she was drowning out at sea and fighting to survive, to accept that desire to reach the surface and finally feel sunlight on her face. It was instinctual, reciprocating Vi’s intensity, meeting her body without hesitation, ready to embrace her and quiet all the doubts in her mind, finally let all the madness fade away around them for at least the moment.
Just when Caitlyn felt herself getting lost in the sensation of full lips and warm breath on her neck, she backed away, remembering the stark difference in how her body reacted to Vi’s touch in contrast from someone else she had all but forgotten yet refused to hide from Vi before they went too far.
“Listen…while you were gone, I…saw someone,” Caitlyn stumbled, trying to find the right words. Her eyes widened when she caught the shift in Vi’s expression and quickly realized the explanation wasn’t necessary, judging from how desperate and hungry the look in her eyes was, that fervor not wavering for a second.
“Cait…” Vi panted, shaking her head. “I don’t fucking care.”
Nothing else mattered, not when Vi was so far gone with Caitlyn that she didn’t want to look back for a second. The past was opaque, the future was non-existent, and for the first time in her life, Vi felt that all that was left was the present moment, where she could let go of all expectations, guilt or blame and just be with Caitlyn without feeling sorry for any of it. Vi claimed her lips again, tongues meeting as Caitlyn finally felt okay to lean in fully, both women only parting briefly to smile at how unbelievably wonderful it was to be in that space together.
When Vi wrapped her arms around Caitlyn, nuzzled into her neck, caressed her body and breathed in deep to suffuse herself in her scent, a sudden thought tried to wedge into her mind. Of whether it was alright to feel this good. Of whether she was allowed that feeling of happiness.
Before Vi could dwell on the thought long enough, Caitlyn lifted up her top, pulling it over her head and baring herself to Vi. And suddenly her mind went quiet. And there was only Caitlyn. The amber lamplights behind her alighting on her bare shoulders while she casually blew stray strands of hair away from her eyes. And Vi could only marvel at the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen closing the distance between them again, she could only silently watch as Caitlyn unbuttoned her tanktop and slowly pushed the fabric off her shoulders.
Caitlyn stared down at her body appreciatively. Then her expression faltered when she glimpsed the bandaged scar. She wondered if they should take it slow, afraid Vi might get hurt as she gently touched the bandage with her fingertips. But Vi grasped her wrist and yanked Caitlyn towards her, refusing to slow their pace. Vi desperately needed her, all of her. To feel Caitlyn’s heated skin, the softness of her breasts against her.
When Caitlyn’s hand skirted down Vi’s shoulder to her chest, cupping and squeezing lightly, the stimulation alone ignited something in Vi. She turned their bodies, Caitlyn easily going along with the subtle repositioning as Vi reached down to fumble with the gilded belt buckles at Caitlyn’s waist.
Something about the impatience in Vi making her fingers clumsy was so adorable in that moment that Caitlyn didn’t bother even suppressing the light giggle that rose up in her, causing Vi to instantly smile in kind, her pale blue eyes flitting up to meet Caitlyn’s as she let out a small laugh. That fleeting laughter, the earnest innocence of that smile, the first one that Caitlyn had seen on Vi’s face that wasn’t forced or tinged with sadness, filled Caitlyn with a delirious happiness that she truly felt Vi was sharing with her when their eyes met.
That tenderness briskly slipped into passion, those sentiments existing simultaneously in the way Vi finally pushed down Caitlyn’s pants, her hand firmly gripping her ass as her lips sensually kissed down her neck. Caitlyn watched Vi continuing to descend, leaving a trail of kisses, settling down to her knees with a steeled gaze trained on Caitlyn.
She sucked in a breath and held it to prepare herself as she saw Vi’s tongue extend out of her open mouth and toward her sex, parting and pushing past her folds. Her body shuddered in response, the sensitive nerves there being stimulated by the hot, wet firmness of Vi’s tongue writhing against Caitlyn, sending jolts and pulses of indescribable pleasure through her entire frame. Caitlyn finally breathed out, the following breaths shallowing as she spread her thighs further apart while trying to maintain her footing, her nails clawing at the concrete wall behind her.
Vi groaned, her eyes breaking contact with Caitlyn’s to flutter shut and savor the slick heat on her mouth, the silky tender bud that Caitlyn bucked her hips to rub against the flat of Vi’s tongue. Vi brought her palms up to Caitlyn’s legs and noticed them trembling under her touch, and her head went hazy when subtle whimpers reached her ears from above, like notes to a song.
Caitlyn suddenly bent down, running her hands through Vi’s hair to signal for her to stop and look at her. When she obliged, licking her one last time before pulling away, Caitlyn kissed her, tasting herself on Vi’s lips and tongue and feeling the dampness of her face.
They momentarily lost themselves in overwhelming bliss, drunk on indulgence and haphazardly touching each other's bare bodies until they ended up reclined on the floor on a makeshift bed of their discarded clothing. Vi knelt over Caitlyn, wordlessly spreading her legs and briefly observing the delicate threads of wetness that clung to her slender thighs, the drenched thatch of dark hair over parted pink folds petaled open for her to slot herself between Caitlyn’s legs and roll herself against them. At the sensation of their dripping sex meeting, supple flesh melding together and slipping against one another, Vi hissed at the heated contact. An uncontrollable urge instantly took control and she immediately braced herself up on her palms, fingers tensed against the concrete flooring as she started to thrust against Caitlyn.
Hands shot down to grip Vi’s ass, Caitlyn encouraging her efforts, their eyes meeting once more as her back arched, her breasts swaying from the constant movement and drawing Vi to bring her hand up to roughly fondle them. Each pulse of her hips, each reactionary thrust brought with it a new spark of pleasure, her clit sometimes slipping over Caitlyn’s in quick strokes that caused Vi’s breath to hitch in time with her own pounding heartbeat and Caitlyn’s eyes to roll back from the sudden explosion of ecstasy.
A throbbing knot of tension growing taut in Vi’s lower abdomen was almost unbearable, the only release found inside Caitlyn, in her loud moans, the soaked, soft warmth between her legs, the curves in her lithe body gradually stiffening beneath her. Vi kissed Caitlyn as she chased that high with her, only breaking away to impulsively nip at her neck.
Caitlyn reached the peak first, the sounds of her gasping, the vibrations of her cries against Vi’s lips latched on her throat slick with sweat pushing Vi over the edge. All her synapses and senses fired on all cylinders. She leaned down and wrapped her arms around Caitlyn as her climax hit, her breathing coming hard and fast, her hips slowing but rolling deeper, while riding out the waves. The wet sounds between their joined sex more apparent as they came down and the cell grew quiet again.
In that quiet, the gnawing feeling in the back of her skull crept up to the fore and Vi pushed herself up to hover over Caitlyn, her expression pained, causing Caitlyn to give her a worried look. Maybe the feeling would always be there, Vi wondered, waiting for the most quiet and still times in her life.
“I’m sorry I’m—my life is such a fucking mess…” Vi lamented, averting her eyes.
Caitlyn’s hands cupping her face and coaxing her to meet her deep blue gaze brought her back. And Vi was met with that gentle smile again. “I’ll be in the mess with you, Violet…”
At the sound of her name coming from Caitlyn’s lips, Vi was overcome with the need to kiss her again and again. They shared an embrace that lasted long enough for the warmth to wear off and the chill of the cell to set in. When they finally picked up their clothes, they slowly dressed one another, kissing every inch of skin with quiet reverence before it was covered. Then they allowed themselves one more long, ardent kiss that conveyed more emotions than they could ever communicate with words, sharing a look before they walked out of the cell, hand in hand.