Work Text:
Shin’s thoughts swirled like a storm, darker and angrier with every passing day. He had always been angry at Saint. He was angry for the way Saint had left him without a word, angry for the way he had disappeared when Shin needed him the most. But there was something different now—a new kind of anger. The kind that made his chest tighten and his fists clench.
It had all started two months ago, after Saint had finally, very suddenly stopped pestering him. The day before it happened Shin had told him to leave him alone and just die. And Saint had taken him at his word. He stopped showing up in places where Shin might see him, stopped trying to talk to him, and for the first time in months, Shin didn’t have to endure Saint’s awkward attempts at reconciliation.
It had been what he’d asked for, right? So why did it feel so much worse?
Saint had disappeared from his life just like that. He wasn’t there in the hallways between classes, he wasn’t sitting next to Shin in the cafeteria, and most painfully of all, he wasn’t there when Shin wanted him to be. He would only avoid his gaze. And every time Shin would feel like crying.
Just fucking look at me, you asshole!, he would think to himself.
At first, Shin had convinced himself that he’d been right, that he needed Saint to stay away, that he didn’t care about Saint anymore. But as the days stretched on, and the silence grew heavier, Shin found that he cared more than he had ever wanted to admit.
And the worst part was: Saint wasn’t even trying to come back. Not anymore.
---
It was on the rooftop that Shin finally saw him again. The place where they had often argued, fought, and if he was being honest, where a lot of the things he truly felt about Saint had been buried beneath the heat of their words.
He could see Saint standing near the edge of the roof, staring out at the horizon, his back to Shin. His dark hair ruffled by the wind, his posture stiff, as though trying to be invisible. The distance between them felt endless, even though it was only a few feet. Shin could hear his own breath growing shallow as his frustration began to bubble over.
“Saint,” he growled, his voice sharp like broken glass.
Saint’s shoulders tensed, but he didn’t turn around. Instead he stood still for a good ten seconds before slowly moving towards the door.
“What do you think you’re doing, Saint? Leaving again?” Shin’s voice cracked with pent up anger. “Sure, why not? That’s the only thing you're good at, right? Just leave like you did in the past. It's what you always do. It's what you’re best at!”
The words cut deeper than he meant them to. The rawness in his voice made Saint pause, and slowly, as though dreading the moment, Saint turned around to face him.
Shin’s heart skipped a beat, but it didn’t make him feel better. The emptiness he felt seeing Saint’s distant gaze hit him like a cold wave.
Saint’s expression was pained, and his eyes were tired—tired of Shin’s angry words, tired of the conflict, tired of trying to figure out what Shin wanted. He let out a long, ragged sigh.
“I kept my distance... Like you asked me to, Shin.” Saint said, his voice breaking slightly.
Shin got even more mad at that. He knew that it was his fault that Saint stopped looking at him but he would rather put up a fight than admit he's wrong. "Oh so you thought you could just decide you could stop trying to make it up to me? Who said I wanted you to stop begging? I know I didn't."
“I thought you wanted me to go away. To leave you alone and die. Those were your exact words. So I did what you demanded of me!" Saint took a pained breath after realising he had raised his voice at Shin.
"I'm sorry, Shin. I shouldn't have yelled at you, but you're not making any sense right now. I don't know what you want from me. One moment you tell me to stop bothering you and the other you say I can't! It's getting very tiring and confusing trying to keep up with what you truly want from me. And I probably deserve to feel this way now but... you're just being cruel." he sounded numbed by sadness as he said the last part.
Shin blinked, surprised at the hurt in Saint’s voice, but he didn’t show it. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, his heart thudding painfully.
“Cruel? How am I being cruel?” Shin’s voice cracked again, his heart and mind filled with frustration and hurt. “You don’t even try anymore. You don’t come near me, you don’t say anything to me. You just avoid me. It’s like you don’t care! You left me before, Saint and now you're just doing it all over again!”
Saint’s face twisted in frustration, his brows furrowed deeply as if torn between his own confusion and the overwhelming pain he felt.
“You told me to leave you alone, Shin. To die, remember?” Saint spat, his voice rough with emotion. “I’m not pestering you anymore because I thought you wanted me to stop. You’re acting like it’s my fault when you can’t decide what you want. You’re being cruel because you want me to make up for everything, but you won’t let me! You won’t let me do anything right!”
Shin’s chest constricted. The words stung, but they weren’t completely wrong. Saint was right about one thing: Shin had told him to leave. He had pushed him away when Saint had been the one to cling to the fragments of their broken friendship, even after everything that had happened.
But that didn’t stop the ache. The emptiness. The loneliness that was becoming harder to ignore.
Before he could say anything, before he could let the truth slip out, Shin grabbed Saint by the collar, yanking him forward in a surge of emotion. Saint’s body stiffened, but he didn’t push away.
“I don’t know what you want from me, Saint!” Shin’s voice was strained. “I don’t know what you want me to do! I don’t know what you want me to say! You... you keep disappearing. You keep avoiding me. But I can’t stand it anymore!”
Saint’s face was inches from his, and his breathing was uneven. Shin could see tears welling up in his eyes and instantly felt his own start clouding his vision as well.
Saint's voice was soft, almost like a whisper as he said “I just want to make you feel better. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I normally wouldn't take your harsh words to heart, but I felt like this was what you needed, for me to listen to you and do as you say. Because you never tell me what you need. I can't guess what you need from me, Shin.”
The tension between them crackled like an electric charge, thick and undeniable. The silence that followed felt suffocating, the air between them heavy with words unsaid.
And then, without thinking, without any real control, Shin leaned forward and kissed him.
It was sudden. It was desperate. It was everything Shin had been holding back for months, all the anger, all the longing, all the pain, pouring out in that single kiss. Saint’s lips were soft against his, still hesitant, still unsure, but Shin didn’t pull away. He couldn’t.
For a long moment, it was just them—breathing together, sharing this strange, unfamiliar connection.
Eventually, Saint broke away, his breath shaky. His eyes were wide with confusion, his lips trembling.
“Shin...” His voice was low, almost a whisper. “Are you... are you really okay with this? Do you really want this? We haven’t even made up yet. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this...”
Shin was still panting, the taste of Saint’s lips lingering on his own. He looked at him with a fire in his eyes that he couldn’t quite explain.
“Shut up.” His voice was rough, full of urgency. “You don’t get to complain about this, Saint. I’m giving you a chance to make it up to me. Don’t you dare waste it.”
For a moment, Saint just stared at him, his face a mixture of confusion and yearning. But after a pause, as if some invisible wall inside him finally crumbled, he leaned in and kissed Shin again. Not wanting to throw away the chance at reconciliation presented to him on a silver platter.
This time, it was different. It was fierce, more heated than before, the desperation and need clear in the way their lips crashed together. Saint’s hands found Shin’s face, his fingers threading into his hair, as if holding on for dear life. Shin kissed him back, his own hands gripping the front of Saint’s shirt.
Their bodies moved backwards until Saint's back hit the wall. He turned them both around and his hands moved down to rest on Shin's waist pulling him impossibly closer. He broke away from their kiss once more and Shin was just about to get mad at him for it but he didn't give him the chance to.
His lips found their way to Shin's neck. At first he left soft kisses on the spot where he could feel Shin's heartbeat going a million miles per hour. And then he slowly moved upwards to a spot he knew Shin was sensitive. Shin realized this and put his arms around Saint' shoulders, one hand finding its way into Saint's hair and the other clutching the back of his shirt.
Saint started sucking on the spot behind Shin's ear and it instantly made Shin let out a moan he had been suppressing until that moment. He clenched his fists and pulled Saint's hair slightly making the other moan as well.
Saint didn't stop until he was certain he had left a visible red mark that wouldn't fade for a week or longer.
Shin giggled softly which made Saint look at him in surprise. He never thought he'd hear Shin laugh again if he was the one trying to make him do it, but here he was in front of him, doing exactly that before smugly smirking at him.
"Asshole," Shin cursed but there was no hate behind it, Saint could tell that from looking in his glittering eyes alone. "My friends won't stop questioning me about this thing until I tell them who gave it to me."
He clashed his lips against Saint's again and bit his bottom lip pulling it towards himself with his teeth. "Good," Saint let out in one breath. He smiled and pushed his upper lip against Shin's and deepened the kiss by pushing his tongue inside Shin's mouth.
Saint could feel through the fabric of their clothes how hard Shin had grown and moved quickly to undo both their jeans buttons. His hand found its way inside Shin's underwear as he took hold of Shin's already hard heat.
Shin's breath hitched and he moved to do the same thing. As they started jerking each other off their breaths became more and more ragged, and their kiss sloppier than before, tongues moving on their own accord.
At some point they were both so desperate for air that they had to stop kissing no matter how much they didn't want to pull away. This wouldn't be such a bad way to die, Shin thought to himself but he'd never admit it to Saint so soon. Their foreheads were resting against each other, both panting in the other's face, sharing one breath.
When they were both close to release, Saint took both their cocks in his hands and started kissing up Shin's neck again, sucking and biting as he went. The sound of Shin's moans were music to his ear, the warmth of Shin's breath against his cheek was the lifeline he clung to as he sped up his movements.
They came at the same time in Saint's hand. Shin slumped against the cold rooftop wall and gave Saint a handkerchief to clean his hand. Finally they properly let air fill their lungs. In silence they both fixed their clothing before sitting down next to each other on the floor, letting time pass as the adrenaline they felt until then left their system slowly.
“What made you do that?” Saint suddenly asked, still trying to make sense of it all. “What made you kiss me?”
Shin’s chest hurt a bit at those words, his emotions still raw and tangled, but he couldn’t keep pretending anymore. Saint was a dick but he didn't deserve to deal with his contradicting mood swings and unclear expectations. Of course he still doesn't know what I want if I don't tell him honestly...
“It... hurt me, when you wouldn’t look at me,” Shin sighed, his words thick with emotion. “When you avoided me... When you turned away like that. It reminded me of the way you left me during middle school. When you just disappeared after everything... After you broke my leg, and you didn't even visit me at the hospital. It was like I didn’t matter anymore. It hurt so damn much, Saint.”
Saint’s eyes widened, the realization hitting him like a train. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Shin took a deep breath. He looked to his right seeing Saint was already looking at him and smiled a bit sadly.
“You’re the only one who can make this better. But you have to start by looking at me. Please. Don’t leave me again.”
That made Saint swallow hard. His lips parted slightly, unsure of what to say next. But as he gazed at Shin, something shifted in his eyes, and for the first time in months, he didn’t look away.