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THIS JUST IN!!! THE NATION’S GOOD BOY HAS GONE BAD!

Photos are surfacing from last week’s Seoul Fashion Week afterparty, hosted by Star Entertainment’s famous young model and the country’s National Sweetheart, HueningKai, showing the esteemed model locking lips with a semi-naked woman and proceeding to share what looks to be what locals are referring to as a “green-looking cigarette,” which can only mean one thing—our nation’s Good Boy has gone BAD!

What will this mean for the famous model’s future career path, as well as his current deals that he has signed on with several well-known brands? The twenty-two year old star, who rose to fame with his ‘Flower Boy’ photoshoot that he did as a partnership with Gucci Korea, is already rumored to be dropped as the brand’s ambassador, and there’s no doubt that other partnerships might be harmed due to his actions. 

We wonder if his company will issue a statement anytime soon…in the meantime, click HERE for photos of the scandalous event. 

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Hello, 

This is Star Entertainment. We are issuing an official statement regarding one of our clients’ reckless actions that has been made public a few days ago. HueningKai is being reprimanded for his behavior, as well as being put on an indefinite hiatus, to reflect on his childish actions and seek the necessary time to better himself and be held fully responsible for his completely unprofessional decision to go behind the company’s back and host a social event that was not only not approved by the company, but also done in poor taste. 

Here is HueningKai’s official apology letter:

* Attached Letter *

Thank you, 

STAR ENT. 

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“This is bullshit—”

“Not a word from you,” Taehyun let out, the bridge of his nose pinched between his fingers as he placed a hand on his hip and stood up from the couch across from Kai, “I’m serious, Hyuka, not. A. Word.”

Kai parted his lips to try and talk again, but his manager and longtime friend’s glare met him halfway there and shut him up as soon as his mouth opened. He released a frustrated sigh, resting his back on his leather couch and letting his head lay on the headrest. 

The “apology letter” was made public this morning, along with a statement, by his company. He didn’t even write the letter—they did everything on his behalf, without directly contacting him to confirm whether the event even happened (though, the pictures made it very clear, in their defense). 

Still, he felt like he was being treated as if he were still a kid—they went to Taehyun before they came to him. 

“The indefinite hiatus means an immediate halt on all activities, as well as re-negotiating every single fucking contract that you have with the companies we’ve worked so hard these past few years to get you to sign with,” Taehyun emphasized once again, as if Kai wasn’t hearing it the first time, or the second, or the third, “do you get how fucked you are right now?”

Kai felt the pounding in his head grow. He placed an arm over his eyes to shield them from the bright lights that Taehyun insisted on opening up so that you can better see the fucking audacity you have to act nonchalant about all of this, Hyuka . 

“I get it, Hyunnie,” he sighed out, his throat feeling dry and worn out from having to speak at such late hours of the night, “trust me, I do—”

“I don’t think you do,” Taehyun cut him off, voice raised. It rang in Kai’s ears and worsened his headache. “They’re kicking you out of the country, Hyuka—”

“Come on,” Kai couldn’t be bothered to yell back—he’d exhausted all his energy last night, when he had to call his parents and tell them why he’s going to suddenly be coming home after years of succeeding in this cursed business, “they’re not kicking me out—I’m just gonna spend a little time back home until things calm down here and then I’ll be back in no time—”

“Kai,” Taehyun paused, forcing Kai to move his arm away from his eyes so he could look at him. His heart dropped at the sight—Taehyun’s eyes, big and round, were eyeing him with so much disappointment that it actually made his skin crawl. The realization that he’s going to be looked at this way by everyone back home made him want to crawl into a hole and never come out. 

“I know…,” he let out, voice cracking. He felt the emotions building up, and he swallowed them down and let them simmer in his stomach like a bile of poison, before speaking again, “I fucked up, Hyunnie…I fucked up bad and I’m just—”

His words cut off along with his breath. He didn’t know what to say—the reality is that, in a few hours, he was going to be on a flight home, and his career might cease to exist sooner or later. He will sit at home every day and contemplate whether he should even have hopes for a return to the job that he’s worked his ass off for years to get to. 

And worst of all? He didn’t think he did anything wrong. He was just acting his fucking age. 

Maybe that’s his biggest downfall. Maybe he should be repenting, but all he could do was be angry at everyone in the industry but himself. 

He finally settled on, “I fucked up. I don’t know what else to say, Hyunnie, I just…I’m tired.”

Taehyun eyed him silently for a few moments, before his shoulders dropped and he breathed out. He slowly walked over to where Kai was sitting, before dropping down on the couch next to him and placing a hand on his thigh. He squeezed gently, eyes on him as he told him, “I can’t lie to you and say that this isn’t a big deal, Hyuka…this is a fucking big deal. But I’m also not gonna sit here and pretend like the way this business deals with humans being humans isn’t absolute shit. Look—”

He turned his whole body until it faced Kai’s, “I’ve been your manager for years now…and I’d like to think of us as more than that. We’re friends, aren’t we, Hyuka?”

Kai hummed, feeling numb all over. He’d lost sleep and he thinks he won’t be getting any anytime soon. Not tonight, not tomorrow night—not for a long fucking time. The thought alone consumed him. 

“As your friend, I’m telling you this,” Taehyun’s voice was soft, frown visible on his face. Kai noticed the bags under his eyes, the red rim surrounding the whites of his eyeballs—this has taken a toll on him, too. Kai felt his heart tighten at the realization. Fuck , he’s a nuisance to everyone close to him—

“When you’re home, do everything you can to lay low,” Taehyun commanded, grip tightening on Kai’s thigh, “it should be easy, since you’re more well-known here…but, please , Hyuka…no parties. No drugs. Just—lay low, for the sake of your career and mine. Okay?”

Kai let out a tired chuckle, shaking his head and dropping it in his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair and gripped, hoping it would distract his nerve endings enough to lessen the pain he was feeling in his temples. 

As if he will even have his freedom once he’s back home, let alone enough time to get away with partying. Besides, who the fuck was he going to party with, anyway? His two sisters? He’s sure the sleepovers will go fucking crazy—

“Okay, Hyunnie,” he whispered out, “I’ll lay low. I’ll be invisible.”

Lord knows I crave disappearing from this earth more than anything at this point , he wanted to add, but stopped himself. He couldn’t inflate the bags under Taehyun’s eyes any further, not when he’s stood next to him all this time. Not when he’s helped shape his career to be what it is today. 

A career that might go down the drain all because he let loose for one night. 

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Hawaii is beautiful. 

Colorful skies, blue waves, tall trees, bright flowers—it’s breathtaking. Kai enjoys when he visits and gets to listen to the ocean’s silent coos as it washes over the clean sand, or the wind running through the palm trees and swaying them side to side, or the smell of salt overtaking his senses and liquifying every worry in his veins until it’s purified out of his bloodstream. He likes home when he visits, because he sees the most beautiful parts of it. 

Living at home is different. 

Having to be here, 24/7, is a beast of its own—one he hadn’t had to battle in years. And, now, it was his only option. He’s greeted by his parents as soon as he was out of the airport, and was met with cold hugs and even colder stares. He felt the familiar chills of being a kid doing something bad again—it’s insane how young they made him feel, despite how much he’s grown since he lived here last. 

Parents have a funny way of making you regress to your worst age sometimes. 

“Kamal,” his father’s voice pierced his ear like a knife, quite the opposite of the usual customer-service voice he uses when interacting with residents at the family hotel he owns. His eyes were on the road and his hands were gripping the steering wheel, keeping calm despite the fact that he’s extremely disappointed in Kai, if his earlier phone calls with him were any indication. “You look pale.”

Kai looked out the window, eyeing the scenery before him. The drive out of the airport and into their town takes about thirty minutes, though it’s starting to feel like hours the longer that he sat in silence in the back of his parents’ car. His mother didn’t utter a single word to him, and he’s inching closer and closer to being so tense that his bones will permanently freeze into a state of stiffness until the day he leaves again ( if he even got to leave, at this point). 

The ocean came into view, blue and clear, and the sun illuminated its gentle waves and made it sparkle as it reflected back into Kai’s vision. He felt it soothing a fraction of the ache in his chest. He didn’t realize that his father wanted him to interact with him until he cleared his throat, forcing Kai’s eyes back on him. 

“Mmm,” he let out instinctively, before internally wincing and clearing his throat, “sorry, uh—yeah, dad, I’ve not been getting much sun in Korea.”

Also, you know, your son’s not been in the best mental state these days, not that you’d find an ounce of empathy over that, because you think he’s at fault for everything he’s done to himself so far, so, looking pale as fuck comes as a package deal with that —

His dad hummed, fingers drumming against the steering wheel. His eyes flickered to his mother—she was staring out the window, lips pursed and arms crossed over her chest. Kai kind of appreciated her silence right now. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle hearing her disappointment in him. It’s easier to get resentment from his dad, anyway. 

“Well, get ready to have plenty of it here,” his dad grabbed his attention again, his lips twitching into a bitter smile and eyes catching Kai’s through the rearview mirror. The stare he gave him was so distant that Kai felt it in his bones. “You’ll be working at the resort again starting tomorrow. Hope you learn a thing or two from being back home—maybe to act your age, or to remember your privilege.”

His mom’s head turned to look at his father, lips slightly parted. She calmly let out, “Nabil, darling—”

“No, love,” he shook his head, cutting her off. He’s always had a habit of talking over her, clearly. “Not now—don’t get soft on him now , of all days. He needs to realize just how serious the situation he’s in is.”

I do realize , Kai wanted to let out, I do fucking realize and it’s eating me alive because I did nothing to deserve i t—

He balled his hands into fists, so tightly that he broke skin with his nails, and bit his tongue to keep himself from losing his composure. Before him, his parents were exchanging soft whispers that he’s choosing to tune out. 

“Fine, fine,” his father let out at some point, sighing defeatedly, before he eyed Kai again, “I’m sorry, Kamal—I shouldn’t have been so harsh. But you have to understand why we’re saying what we’re saying. Your career might be going down the drain all because of your reckless actions…is that sinking into your brain at all?”

Kai forced himself to nod, using all the media training he’s had on his parents. Smile, nod, wave—scripted words, kind looks, fake laughs. He’s used it more at home than in public, which was comical in its own way. 

His dad scoffed, “doesn’t look like it.”

Kai breathed out a disbelieving huff before he could help himself, weighing himself down onto his hands until they were almost numb. He looked out the window again, vision suddenly engulfed in blue, and he let it blind him as it took him away from the car he was in right now. This is how it’s going to be every day. Every. Single. Day. 

At least he’ll have the ocean close by—maybe it’ll make the days a little easier. 

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“Uh-oh…Korea’s hotshot model is in the house,” Kai’s older sister announced as soon as he strolled inside with his suitcase, “so happy I was put on cleaning duty last night—hope it’s up to your standards, kind sir—”

“Hyuka-oppa!” his little sister attacked him with a bear hug before he could even sass his older sister back, her embrace crushing him, “you’re back—can’t believe you’re back!”

“Mmm,” his arm patted her back as he pursed his lips, before he narrowed his eyes at his smirking older sister, “truly wish I wasn’t.”

His parents had dropped him off and immediately drove to the hotel, claiming that they had business to do. Kai assumed they did it to stay away from him—and he’s fine with it. In fact, he’s okay with them never interacting with him again, if it meant a little peace of mind for him. 

“Bahiyyih, get away from the traitor,” his older sister said, standing up from the couch and crossing her arms over her chest, “he left us alone to deal with the family business and didn’t invite us on his cool trips once .”

Kai rolled his eyes, smiling as he walked up to her, “ again , I didn’t plan those trips—my company did,” he forced her into a hug, just to hear her gag and try to push him off. He laughed as he tightened his embrace, “and, if you were a bit more loving towards me, maybe I would’ve asked them to be more accommodating.”

“No thanks,” she pushed him off, before pulling on his earlobe, “I don’t kiss ass.”

“Lea, be nice,” Bahiyyih popped in from behind Kai, arms wrapping around him as she ducked down and squeezed her head between his arm and waist, “we just got him back—we don’t want him running away so soon.”

Kai parted his lips to respond, only for Lea to beat him to it, “Not like he’ll have anywhere else to go,” causing him to sigh out and shake his head, pointing at Lea with his lips twitched upwards. 

“What noona said,” he said, before patting Bahiyyih’s head, “plus, who wouldn’t wanna spend every day with the lovely Lea?”

Lea responded by flipping him off, and he reacted by shielding his younger sister’s eyes. 

“Okay, relax, I’m not a baby anymore,” Bahiyyih laughed as she moved his hand away gently. She contradicted that statement when she proceeded to jump up and down, shaking him with her as she exclaimed, “So happy my favorite sibling is back! Can’t wait for us to do all the fun summer activities Lea’s boring ass refuses to do with me!”

Lea’s jaw dropped, and Kai chuckled amusedly. “Holy shit, you sold me so quick,” she flicked Bahiyyih’s forehead, “watch—you’ll crawl right back to me when he leaves you and goes back to Korea.”

“Highly unlikely,” Kai said, chuckling, “haven’t you heard? I’m kind of blacklisted there now.”

Lea hummed, and Bahiyyih’s shoulders dropped. Kai’s face scrunched, “what—too soon? I thought we were in a joking mood.”

A moment of silence passed by. Bahiyyih exchanged looks with Lea, and Kai felt like crawling out of his skin. 

“I so badly wanna say you’re right just to piss you off,” Lea finally settled on, “but I have faith that you’ll be back to doing what you love, Korea or not—call it a sister’s intuition or whatever.”

Kai chuckled, “thanks, noona—I love you, too.”

She deadpanned. “Don’t push it.”

“ Eee ,” Bahiyyih went back to jumping, catching Kai off-guard as he bounced with her, “the Huening siblings are back!”

Kai smiled at Lea, his own jaded attempt at a thank-you , and her nod to him was enough of an acknowledgement. That’s how they’ve always communicated—he’s happy their dynamic didn’t change, at least. 

Unlike everything in his life this past week. 

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Weed was Kai’s best friend in Korea. 

It eased his anxiety, got him through most days, and it helped him with his social skills. On more than one occasion, he’d find himself getting high just to get through a day of schedules. It wasn’t the healthiest of methods, but it wasn’t the worst, either. He wasn’t addicted to it or anything—he indulged whenever he needed it. He would even get high with Taehyun sometimes, on late nights after particularly hard days. His team was aware of his weed consumption, allowing him to keep at it as long as he kept it under the radar. 

After the pictures came out, his team suddenly turned on him— weed is bad, Hyuka , one of his staff members scolded him on the day he went to the company building and was informed of the leak, it’s not good for your brain, and it certainly isn’t good for your image . 

Neither is sleeping with your boss’s daughter, Don, but here we are , he wanted to retort, but didn’t. He kept calm, like he did with most things. He was already in deep enough hot water as is, and he didn’t want “punching a staff member” added to the list that the company had hanging over his head. He decided to go home that day and get high, because he knew it would be the last time for a long time. 

Kai missed weed now more than ever. 

At home, during nighttime, when he was forced to face the walls of his childhood bedroom and come to terms with the fact that he’s back to square one. He’s not an emotional person, he doesn’t like to be—but, right now, he felt it all come bubbling out of him in silent sobs that he hid into his pillow. 

When his pillow became too wet, he turned it over to the other side and pretended like nothing happened. It’s a toxic way to let emotions out, but he didn’t care enough to change it. It’s gotten him this far, anyway—he’ll be fine. 

God , he really missed weed. 

He spent the rest of the night awake, thoughts of his apartment in Korea and his stash of weed and his canceled schedules filling his mind and keeping him up. 

He wondered if there’s a light at the end of this very long, very dark fucking tunnel. 

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He’d been assigned the night shifts at the family hotel. 

He expected it—his dad isn’t anything if not petty about his entire situation. His mom talked to him last night, after dinner, and told him she tried to convince his dad to give him evening shifts on some of the days, but he was insistent on him working nights. 

He wanted to respond that it was okay because he wasn’t sleeping, anyway. But he didn’t want to worry his mom. He just smiled and nodded and told her it’ll be fine. 

And now, here he was—looking at a smirking Lea as she stood behind the bar and announced, while working on a cocktail for one of the residents, “can’t wait to be off in five minutes and go back to my beautiful bed.”

Kai gave her a strained smile, putting on his apron and shoving his notepad into its pocket, “can’t wait till you’re out of my face, noona.”

She winked as she shook the mixture, before pouring it smoothly into a triangular glass and sliding it over to Kai, “first order of business—take it to that gentleman in the booth, and try not to trip on your way there. Though, with your model training, you should be amazing at walking by now.”

“And with your training at being a big pain in my ass, you should be amazing at being a nuisance in my life,” he winked at her, before walking away with the glass before he could fully watch her flip him off. 

He spent most of his shift on autopilot—he took orders, smiled and started mind-numbing conversations with the customers, and snuck a few glances at the beach as he watched it settle into nighttime after the sunset, making him remember that he still had a few hours left to go of his shift. 

Their hotel, for the most part, is at a really nice location, and it’s become one of the more popular resort spots for tourists. The good side is it’s great for the family business, but the bad part is they have to deal with stuck-up visitors and people who disrespect the fuck out of the land and come here just to take pictures and show everyone that they’re better than them. 

God , he hated the tourists as much as he hated being back home. 

When it fully hit midnight, most of the residents started dispersing, with some leaving to go to clubs and others calling it a night. The bar stays open, mostly because it’s the one spot that takes phone orders from residents, and Kai worked as the deliverer of the orders. 

Which meant—Lea ordered him around, and he walked up and down seven different floors and delivered foods and drinks to the worst people. It started to die down around one in the morning, and Kai found himself getting the hang of his shift, until Lea started taking off her apron and announced, “alright—Soobin’s about to come in and take over my shift soon. See ya later, loser—I’ll make sure he takes extra notes of your cleaning method. If it’s shit, I’ll give you shit, got it?”

He furrowed his brows at her. Oh, right—her leaving meant someone taking over her shift. He should’ve put two-and-two together sooner. 

“Soobin?” he asked, chin resting on his arm as he sat on the hi-chairs in front of the bar. 

Lea scowled at him. “Don’t tell me you don’t recognize that name.”

Kai tiredly shrugged. He felt the lack of sleep slowly catching up to him. 

“Hyuka,” Lea let out, raising an eyebrow, “be so fucking forreal.”

“Noona, just answer,” Kai sighed out, “I’m too tired to play Sherlock Holmes right now.”

“Kai!” She exclaimed, reaching over the bar to smack his arm. He let out a hey , rubbing the area, and she rolled her eyes at him, “don’t be dramatic, it wasn’t even that hard.”

“Yes it was,” Kai retorted, pouting, “you’re getting too fucking strong.”

She smirked, before flexing her arms, “gym’s doing me good, Hyuka.”

He scowled at her, before sitting up and asking again, “you gonna tell me who Soobin is before he shows up and I make a fool out of myself?”

“You’re unbelievable,” Lea groaned, rolling her eyes, “your childhood friend up until, like…high school. Super tall. Also Korean. Went to study abroad, and—hello? How is this not jogging your memory right now?”

Kai spent a minute thinking through his life before Korea. It’s all a blur—he remembered bits and pieces, but nothing particularly stood out. He thought about his childhood Korean friends, and all that came to mind was a guy named Beomgyu, only because he’s the one that always gave him his brownie during lunch time. Fuck , that was a good brownie—

“Oh, you better fucking remember him before he gets here,” Lea pointed at him, voice stern. She always sounds like his mother when she tries to order him around. He always wants to tease her about it. “He’s a sweetheart, and he’ll be heartbroken if you do that to him.”

“I—” Kai tried to tell her that it’s not really his fault his brain’s blocked that part of his life, when his thought is cut off by a deep voice from behind. 

“Whose heart are we breaking this time, Lea?” The guy let out, and when Kai turned around in his chair to look at him, he was immediately met with a chest clad in a white shirt and broad shoulders. “Don’t tell me you rejected Beombeom again . Poor guy can’t seem to understand you’re not into men, huh.”

Kai’s eyes trailed up, only to find that the guy was already looking down at him. His heart skipped a beat— holy shit , he’s handsome. Dyed blonde hair, striking dark brows, defined cupid’s bow—he’s a poster child for what Korean parents would want in a kid physically. Tall, too, and muscled, and fair-skinned, and—

Kai looked away. He still felt the guy’s stare on him, even when he turned back around and smirked over at Lea, “Beombeom?”

Lea’s eyes rolled as she tossed her apron over to Soobin, mumbling out a can’t stand men, forreal . Soobin swifty caught it, his arm coming into view in Kai’s side vision. Toned biceps, blue veins visible in his lower arm and hand— damn . 

Kai enjoys looking at pretty people, and he was surrounded by them in his business. Pretty men, pretty women—he liked them all just the same. Slept with them just the same. But, fuck —he hasn’t seen someone this pretty in a while. 

He found himself staring at Soobin’s arm for too long, and he flickered his eyes back to his sister. She eyed him, unblinking, as she crossed her arms over her chest, “don’t tell me you forgot Beomgyu.”

Kai chuckled at that, brows raised, “Beombeom is Beomgyu? Well, I’ll be damned.”

Clearly, he’s missed a lot. His sister groaned as she walked around to the outside of the bar, “alright, y’all—I’m off to bed. Enjoy cleaning later!”

“Oh, you need to remember we live together, noona,” Kai pointed at her as she walked away, smirking when he watched her pick up her pace at his words, “I’ll walk in extra loud and slam my door and everything if you don’t tell me you love me right now!”

“You can fuck right off, actually,” she announced, before walking out of the hotel’s restaurant. 

He chuckled at that, hands playing with his notebook’s cover mindlessly. Huh. His sister and Beomgyu—he wondered when brownie boy started crushing on her. All he remembered in his brain was a boy with comically large glasses, a bowl cut, and braces. He wondered how he looks now—

A clearing of throat snapped him out of his thoughts, and he looked up and—ah. Right. His coworker, who’s also somehow his childhood friend that he can’t seem to remember at all, was standing before him with a cool expression and toned arms working behind his back to tie the apron up. 

“So,” he let out, tilting his head slightly to one side as he continued to look down at Kai. Kai almost felt inferior this way, and he didn’t even know why. He had the urge to stand up, but he’s scared of just how much shorter he was than this guy. “Kai. Long time no see.”

Kai slowly nodded, eyes fixated on the dimple on the tip of Soobin’s nose, and the way two matching dimples popped out on both of his cheeks when he spoke. His ears lingered on the slight lisp he had when he said see . He didn’t realize he’d taken too long to respond until Soobin’s brows arched up, elegantly sitting on his forehead and slightly crinkling it. 

“Uh—yeah, sure, dude,” he found himself letting out, giving him a thumbs-up, “super long, too long, or—like, whatever.”

Good God, what the fuck?

He’s not fumbled the bag this hard since he was a teenager. He had to pull it together before he did some embarrassing shit. 

Thankfully, Soobin didn’t look put-off by him. He chuckled at his comments, eyes flickering over various parts of Kai’s face, before they settled back on his own, pink lips parting to let out, “nice to see you haven’t changed much—guess you can put the weird kid in modeling but you can’t take the weird out of the kid, huh.”

Kai’s jaw dropped. Soobin winked, before he went behind the counter of the bar and told him, “alright—get to work, and come back here at 2AM sharp to help with cleaning.”

“Um—okay,” Kai looked around slowly at the empty restaurant, before he eyed Soobin again. He’d proceeded to start cleaning some of the glasses Lea was using earlier for mixing, and Kai found himself zoning in on the way the muscles of his back strained against his shirt with every movement, shoulders poking out every time he scrubbed. 

Wow. He can’t be saved, huh. 

He couldn’t even tell Soobin that he had no job to do right now, because that would mean he would have to sit here and ogle him longer. Instead, he quietly announced that he was going to get started on cleaning the outside patio, before getting up to leave. 

“Sounds good, Ningning,” Soobin said from behind him, and– oh . Holy shit, he’s not heard this nickname in so long. It hit him then, exactly who it is that gave him that nickname, and how much it used to irritate him when he was a teen because of how young it made him feel. 

Ningning, come sit with me and forget about those racist jocks. 

Ningning, screw Beomgyu—just pass me the ball instead!

Ninging, you want some of my tuna kimbap?

Ningning, the homework isn’t that bad—you just need to focus a little longer on it instead of eyeing that pretty girl across the room. 

Ningning, I can’t be there for your graduation because I’m leaving for a study abroad program next year—

Fucking hell—Soobin. Right. That’s Soobin—the boy who’s two years older than him with black hair, bunny teeth, and the nickname that only he ever referred to him by. The boy he spent almost every school day with, until he graduated and left him with no contact. 

God —he hated high school. He hates that he had to revisit it, when he’s worked so hard to remove it from his brain all this time, and it’s all because of him . He placed his hands into his pockets, hiding his clenched fists, and proceeded to walk out onto the patio. 

He realized just how much he’s going to have to fucking revisit now that he’s back here. 

Home sweet fucking home. 

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The ocean is so peaceful at nighttime. 

On most sunny days, the sky is clear and the moon is full and shining down onto the waves, turning them into a dark blue hue that resembles the beauty of topaz in the clear light. Today was one of those nights—Kai finished cleaning the patio and found himself just…sitting there. Admiring it. Lost without a single thought for once.  

He’s at peace, letting the sound of the wind swaying the palm trees and the waves crashing on the shore calm his soul. He felt it wash away his worries, let it relax him enough to melt onto the deck chair, arms hanging on either side of him, head tilted back and looking up at the night sky. 

There were a lot of stars out tonight—his eyes caught sight of the big dipper, the small dipper, the north star—all the popular, well-lit constellations that he’d grown fond of over the years. At least he knew, no matter where he was, the sky stayed the same. The stars didn’t leave. 

He likes to think he’s not alone in that way. 

He closed his eyes, and the flashing of cameras overtook his vision. The photographers, the reporters, the runway—it’s all he saw for a moment, and he let himself indulge in the memories. Allowed himself to walk during fashion week again, letting the feeling seep through his skin and overtake him. 

Kai was never a confident kid growing up—he was the odd one out in America, being half Asian and one of the very few ethnic kids at his school at the time. It wasn’t until he became a model that he fully felt, for the first time, that he was decent looking. His job is what made him confident—it’s what made him who he is. 

Now that it’s gone, he realized fully just how much he didn’t know himself outside of it. 

He squeezed his eyes, tighter and tighter, until he couldn’t tell if he was looking at the stars or if he’s imagining those, too. He wanted to disappear, to just not have to think about the things he’s being punished unfairly for—

“Ningning?” He’s startled out of his daze, making him jump up and whip around to see a smirking Soobin standing behind him. 

His hair made him glow under the moonlight, giving him an angelic look that made Kai breathless. He almost looked like a dream—Kai wondered if he'd drifted off or if this was still reality. His head was spinning and he’s sure the lack of sleep was catching up to him. 

“Falling asleep on the job is unprofessional, you know,” Soobin’s deep voice teetered on the edge of teasing, dimples deepened by his toothy smile as he placed his hands in his pants’ pockets, “did they not teach you that in modeling school?”

Kai felt a sourness fill his senses at Soobin’s words. Who is he to talk to him like that? They’re not close—they barely even know each other. And, right now, all he felt from Soobin’s tone was that he’s being seen as someone young, inexperienced. He didn’t like it one bit. 

He tried his best to smile politely, body tense and eyes barely open as he felt the tiredness weighing him down, “Sorry, hyung, I—uh. Finished the patio. What else is there left to do?”

Soobin huffed out an amused breath, “don’t worry about it. I finished everything up—we’re free to go home, Ningning.”

Kai felt the zap of irritation reaching all the way to his neck, and he tried not to wince or recoil. He kept smiling, face tight, as he nodded, “cool. Thanks for your service, I–uh…owe you on the next one, I guess.”

Soobin didn’t say anything back. He just stood there and studied Kai for a moment, face unreadable. Kai was too tired to decipher what lied beneath the look he gave him. 

Though he tried to sound calm and collected, the impatience in his tone still showed when he broke the silence, “Can I leave now?”

Soobin blinked, taken aback. Kai couldn’t find it in him to care. He quickly collected himself, shrugging and telling Kai, “sure, Ningning—I’m not the boss of you.”

Kai pursed his lips together, stuffing his hands in his pockets to keep himself from imprinting more crescents into his palms with his nails. He thanked him and silently walked past him, stiff and tense and ready to end today and finally be in his bed. 

He didn’t look back at Soobin to watch his reaction to his abrupt exit. He didn’t care enough to. God —was it going to be this awkward every shift that they have together?

He had a lot to look forward to, clearly. 

.

He’d been waking up past noon these days. 

Thankfully, his parents were already at work by that time, so he didn’t have to hear them scold him for waking up so late. He did, however, get a sour look from Lea every time he sat down to eat lunch with her and Bahiyyih. He grabbed a bowl and poured himself the homemade pasta she cooked, and plopped down onto the chair in front of her, scowling back at her and answering her judgemental look with a, “What?”

Bahiyyih was chewing on her meatball slowly, eyes bright as she looked back and forth between them. Kai almost wanted to comment on how she looked like a deer caught in headlights, but Lea spoke up before him, “Tell me how your shifts with Soobin are going.”

Kai breathed out a laugh, before poking into his food with his fork, “Good afternoon to you, too, noona.”

She stared blankly at him, waiting. He ate a few bites of his food, before her stare became too heavy on his soul for him to stay quiet. He groaned as he pushed his bowl slightly forward and gave in, “bro, it’s been fine. I mean, it’s, like…awkward as fuck but fine, now—can you let me eat in peace?”

“Awkward how?” she narrowed her eyes, “awkward as in you say things to make it awkward, or awkward as in you’re talking to someone new awkward?”

Kai let out a frustrated breath, “Awkward as in we rarely talk except to discuss work procedures and he calls me Ningning, which makes me wanna gauge my eyes out.”

Bahiyyih giggled, repeating Ningning under her breath, before she stopped and went back to eating when Kai glared her way. Beside her, Lea bursted out into loud laughter. 

“Holy shit,” she exclaimed, hand on her chest, “I haven’t heard someone call you that in years .”

Kai felt his eye twitch, “mhm…it’s almost like I grew up and out of that childish ass nickname, Leabug .”

Lea halted her laughter, pointing at him. “Touché.”

Kai batted his lashes and smiled. She flipped him off. He blew her a kiss. 

“Why’s he back home, anyway?” he let out, grabbing his bowl again and scooping up a forkful of pasta, “wasn’t he, like… super smart in school? Didn’t he get into that program you were dying to get into?”

“Ah, so I see you got your memory back, grandpa,” Lea teased, and Bahiyyih giggled, “and, yeah—he and I were competing for it senior year, but he was accepted in with a scholarship and I had to pay to go, so, I opted out.”

Kai hummed, “don’t care—I repeat, why’s he back home if he made it so big?”

Lea smiled coldly, “I’m putting poison in the pasta next time, actually.”

Kai mimicked her smile, before motioning for her to start talking. Lea scowled at him, but gave in, “he finished the program and graduated in May—decided to come back home and take a gap year.”

Kai’s face contorted, “why the fuck would anyone take a gap year back in their hometown?”

“I asked Soobin-oppa the same thing, actually,” Bahiyyih pointed out, eyes adorably blinking his way, “he said that being away from home made him realize how much he misses it and can’t live without it. Said something about the Hawaiian ocean being the only thing that frees his mind.”

Huh. Okay, that last part, Kai can relate to. But is it worth living at home again and feeling like you’ve regressed back to square one just to enjoy the view of the ocean? Now, that part he couldn’t seem to reason with in his head. 

He scoffed, “never related to this fake blonde man any less.”

Bahiyyih laughed, and Lea snickered. She shrugged his way, “I don’t know—I mean, I kind of agree with you. I wanna leave, too, when I finish my degree, but…he has it differently than we do. I guess life is kind to us that way.”

When Kai asked what she meant by that, all she replied with was, “ask him and find out—clearly, you two need some bonding time.”

“ Ugh , you’re no help,” Kai rolled his eyes, “and your pasta’s mid.”

Lea reacted to that by reaching over the table and flicking his forehead. 

.

It’s been a few weeks of being back home, and things were still awkward between him and Soobin. 

So awkward, in fact, that he’s decided to talk to Taehyun about it. And he rarely talks to Taehyun about these things, mostly because he knows he’ll tease him about it. 

And that’s exactly what he did, responding to him with, “childhood friend turned into a blonde hottie who teases you all the time,” and Kai could see his shit-eating grin in his mind when he said, “hmm…sounds exactly like your type, Hyuka.”

“Hyunnie, lock in for a sec,” he spoke into the phone, “I like them pretty and feisty—I don’t like it when they fucking ruffle my hair in front of guests and call me embarrassing nicknames and act like I’m still a teenager in their eyes. It’s weird and annoying.”

“He ruffled your hair?” Taehyun’s shit-eating grin was only getting bigger. Kai could feel it. 

“Yeah, once,” Kai felt himself heat up in irritation at the memory, “it was embarrassing.”

Kai was watching Soobin make a drink for a resident that day—he fully witnessed his customer service charm, toothy grin and deep dimples on display, flirty smiles and winks passed in between fancy glass tosses and mixer shakings. He looked good —he was in his element. Kai almost found him bearable in that moment, until he was caught staring. 

Then Soobin had asked him to come over, and proceeded to recite to the resident their history, and called him adorable and proceeded to ruffle his hair. Kai was sure steam would’ve come out of his ears if he boiled a fraction of a degree higher in that moment. 

“No fucking way,” Taehyun sounded like he was holding back a laugh, and Kai scowled at the wall in front of him and imagined him standing there. Then he imagined himself punching him in the face. He smiled at the thought. “What does he call you that’s got your panties in a twist, anyway?”

“Nice try,” Kai retorted, “I won’t let you hold that type of leverage over me, Hyunnie.”

“Huh,” Taehyun sounded impressed when saying, “break has made you smarter.”

Kai was quick with a response, like he always is when he’s bickering with Taehyun, “maybe just being away from you has made me gain some brain cells.”

Taehyun chuckled, and Kai realized how much he missed hearing him laugh in person. In retrospect, it hasn’t been that long since his departure from his dream life, but— fuck , time moved differently here. 

He wanted to ask Taehyun about any updates, the words clawing in his throat, but he stopped himself. He called Taehyun tonight as a friend, not as a manager—he couldn’t use him like that. 

“Hey, I–uh…,” when he spoke again, his voice grew heavier. Quieter. He admitted, “I miss you, or whatever….”

They’re not really the type to be affectionate with one another. That’s how he knows it’s bad—and it shows, even more, when Taehyun doesn’t tease him about it. When he sighed into the phone and admitted back, “I miss you, too, Hyuka…so much.”

Kai felt the emotions that were simmering in his stomach bubble back up, and he forced them down by swallowing the lump in his throat. He gripped his phone tighter, closing his eyes as he collected himself. 

He tried to lighten the mood up by asking, “hey, speaking of types—are you still pining over the new model our agency signed on a few months ago?”

“I hate you.”

“What was his name, again? Yeon—something?”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Yeon jun —?” Kai laughed as the end-call ringing filled his ears, and he opened up the messaging app to tease Taehyun about his crush. 

Taehyun texted back minutes later and warned that he’ll block him. That only made Kai laugh harder. 

.

It wasn’t until his second month of being back home that he and Soobin finally had a conversation. 

It was completely unintentional, too—Kai was finishing up cleaning the floors of the restaurant, lost in the rhythm of the music he had been playing on the speakers, and was more energetic than ever. It was a nice routine he began having a few weeks into being back here—it helped keep him sane, putting on music and passing the time dancing along to it while he cleaned. He asked Soobin if it was alright, and he’d replied with a shrug, and Kai took that as a sign of consent. Kai also learned that Soobin’s number one line of communication with him was through his shoulders. Kai wished they weren’t so broad, or he wouldn’t be so distracted by them. 

It wasn’t until he was finished with the inside and walked outside to get started on the patio that he remembered Soobin existed. He noticed that he’d cleaned the patio, and was sitting on one of the lounge chairs and quietly looking at the ocean, pants rolled up and shoes off as he dug his feet into the sand. 

He looked…peaceful. 

Kai wondered if he should just leave him there and go home, or if he should announce his departure. They never exchanged more than a few words between them, anyway—it was always hey, hyung, I finished the order and hyung, I’m leaving now from him and sounds good, Ningning , and alright, goodnight, Ningning from Soobin, with nothing with substance in between. 

And honestly? Kai was sick of it. 

So, he decided to go back inside, grabbed two bottles of beer, and walked back out to the patio. Today was the day that they ended this awkward streak between them—he’s not going back to Korea anytime soon, so he might as well make friends here. 

He loves his sisters, but he didn’t want to be the loser that only hung  out with his siblings on his days off. And Soobin seemed like a decent guy—or something of the sort, at least. He didn’t know because, again, they haven’t talked. 

He extended his arm out until the bottle of beer came into Soobin’s view, making him turn his head and look at Kai with a soft smile. He seemed completely relaxed this way—eyes lazy, arms laying on top of his stomach and clasped together. 

Kai almost felt bad for breaking him out of his slumber, until he sat up and reached for the beer, “thanks—hey,” he said as he fully grabbed hold of the bottle, and Kai felt a slight jolt in his skin when their fingers brushed against one another, “aren’t you too young to drink, Ningning?”

Kai let out a huff of breath, an automatic reaction to that nickname as he recoiled, “please stop calling me that.”

Soobin’s half-smile faltered, and he slowly blinked at Kai. His voice softened as he let out an oh , before telling him, “didn’t realize it bothered you that much…sorry,” and looking down at his lap. 

Immediately, Kai felt like a dick. He winced at his words, before he immediately backtracked, “look, it doesn’t bother me, I just—”

Soobin looked up at him, eyes twinkling like the stars in the sky, and Kai lost his train of thought. They spent a few moments just staring at each other in silence, before Kai sighed. 

“I just don’t want you to keep seeing me as a kid,” Kai finally admitted what he’d wanted to say to him since he first saw him over a month ago, mostly because there’s no way around it now. He couldn’t avoid the conversation now that he’s confronted it. “I’m twenty-two now…and, if that’s alright, I’d like to be seen and treated like one by the people around me.”

He hasn’t been treated his age since his return home. Since the scandal. His parents would laugh in his face at what he just said. His sisters would snicker and Lea would make fun of him. His entire company would flash the words “CHILDISH BEHAVIOR” in his face and show him the pictures of that night at the party. They would all say if he wants to be treated like an adult, then he would have to start acting like one. 

He expected Soobin to do the same, but he didn’t. 

Instead, he hummed, before his lips stretched into a thin smile, his dimples making an appearance again. His eyes softened as he looked at Kai and said, “honestly, it’s less about seeing you as a kid and more about being reminded of when I was a kid when I look at you…that’s why I keep calling you that.”

Kai felt trapped under his gaze, frozen in place as he told him, “I do it for the sake of nostalgia, not to bother you or make you feel like you’re being treated like a child…sorry that it made you feel that way, though.”

Kai stilled, rendered speechless. He wasn’t expecting Soobin to react this way. He was waiting on him to tease him or dismiss his words, like others would. 

“Oh…,” he found himself letting out, dumbfounded. Soobin’s smile widened, amused, and it made the heat rise onto the surface of his face. He didn’t know what else to say, so he just…stood there. Frozen. 

God , weed would really come in handy right about now—

“Come on,” Soobin cut the silence with smoothness, just like he did everything else. He pulled the leg of the lounge chair next to him with ease, settling it closer to him, before he patted it and looked up at Kai, “tell me more about who you are, so I can see just how much you’ve grown, then, Ni–uh, Kai.”

Kai immediately chuckled at that, feeling the tension dissipate, replaced by a sense of ease that he hasn’t felt since before the afterparty. He settled down on the chair next to Soobin and took a sip of his beer, admiring the view of the beautiful night before them. 

The summer hasn’t been particularly too hot this year—Kai appreciated it, when Hawaii’s wind felt chilly as soon as the sun disappeared, making him nuzzle into his clothes and get cozy whenever he was outside. It’s a nice change from the humidity of the city. 

He enjoyed the fresh air as he inhaled it, before exhaling audibly, lips pulling up into a satisfied smile. 

“So, tell me,” Soobin broke the silence again, making Kai’s head turn to look at him, “what have you been up to since I last saw you?”

Kai couldn’t help it—he laughed at that. “Hyung,” he let out, “that’s a lot of years to catch you up on.”

Soobin shrugged, leaning back on his chair, “I mean—I got time, unless you want me to go first,” he winked, before taking a sip of his beer, tilting his head up. 

Kai’s eyes lingered on his protruding adam’s apple and the column of his extended neck. Shit, even that part of him is pretty—

“Uh…,” he responded dumbly, and because he couldn’t find his words right now, he settled on asking Soobin to go first to make less of a fool out of himself in front of him. 

“Okay,” Soobin chuckled, “well—last you saw of me, I was graduating and leaving to go study abroad. So, I did that, obviously…it was fun, obviously —”

Kai snickered at that. Soobin has a very relaxed way of speaking, voice leveled and vibrational. He uses his hands and brows to express himself, and something about that makes him adorable to Kai. He found it weird, thinking that about someone older than him, but he couldn’t help it. 

Soobin is adorable , with his bunny teeth and dimpled cheeks and soft eyes. 

And he’s even more adorable when his eyes lit up as he told Kai of his study abroad experience, “I ended up volunteering for three different shelters these past four years—each one in a different country. Met people from different parts of the Middle East, and it was so wonderful. Learned how to speak a bit of Arabic and how to cook maqluba …it was a dope experience.” 

Kai couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face—something fluttered in his chest at Soobin’s words. He doesn’t think he’d met anyone in his life that was so happy about the volunteer work they’d done. It made him rethink every interaction he’s had with his coworkers—all plastic exchanges and disingenuous connections. 

He hadn’t had something real come into his life in a while. Perhaps Soobin was that something real. 

“That’s really cool, hyung,” Kai uttered out, “your work actually helped people—it’s admirable.”

Soobin’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink, surprising Kai. He didn’t think of him as the type to be shy about compliments. He let out a small thank you , before sipping more of his beer. 

Kai drank some of his beer as well, letting it be his liquid courage as he finally asked, “so, if you liked it so much—why come back home?”

Soobin was still smiling as he spoke, looking out at the ocean before them with serenity, “well, I graduated, and I had some family business to take care of back here, so I came home for my gap year. Your parents generously hired me when I asked for a job, and…here we are.”

Kai hummed, the urge to know more making him grip his beer bottle tighter to keep himself from asking about the family stuff. Soobin doesn’t look like the type who wants people to pry, and Kai isn’t the type to push. 

So, he gave him what he owed, and told him about his career. Told him about how, in his senior year, he was contacted online by his current company after he posted his graduation pictures onto social media and they blew up. Explained that, when he was hired to train under them for professional modeling, he took on the opportunity immediately and packed up to leave for Korea. He left everything behind for the chance at something new, mostly because he wanted a change from home, but also because the idea of modeling seemed fun at the time. 

“Did it end up being fun?” Soobin asked, “did it end up being like how you imagined it would be?”

“I mean, yes and no…,” Kai paused to think about it, before answering him, “I got lucky. And the job pays well. Plus, I got to travel the world at such a young age and gained the status of being the “National Sweetheart,” which was a great honor…”

He faltered, and Soobin pursed his lips. He patiently waited on him, not wanting to overstep, and Kai appreciated him for it. He found it easy to open up to him about this because of it, despite barely knowing him. There’s a sense of familiarity with him…maybe it’s his younger self talking, but he felt like he can trust him. 

He looked back at the ocean, eyes zoning in on the movement of the waves. It relaxed his anxieties, as he admitted, “but, like…it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies, despite what people think. I know, in hindsight, it’s all first world problems—”

“No, no,” Soobin immediately interjected, making Kai look at him. The sincerity in his eyes left Kai’s heart fluttering under his skin. “You have every right to feel like your job wasn’t perfect—please, indulge me. I won’t judge, I promise.”

“I—,” Kai’s lips parted, “well, thanks, hyung…”

Soobin's eyes scrunched slightly as he widened his smile, before motioning for him to go on. Kai did, feeling a lot more comfortable with talking about it now, “well, it’s just that…being in the industry in Korea is shit …like, I was taken in at such a young age and exposed to a lifestyle that I wasn’t ready for. Yes, I was trained for media handling and stardom, but like—”

He paused, feeling the heaviness of the last four years weigh him down on the chair. He frowned as he admitted, “first year or two, I was just…constantly getting wasted. I surrounded myself with the worst crowd, and I just…lost myself for a bit, just to escape the stress of it all.”

Soobin stayed quiet, listening intently. His expression remained relaxed and kind, not once showing disinterest or judgment. It encouraged Kai to go on, “then Taehyun, my manager, got signed on and helped steer me in the right direction by putting me in therapy and stuff…things got a bit better after that. But I still found myself going back to my old ways every now and then, but not without being a lot more responsible with it, despite what the media is trying to paint right now.”

Soobin scoffed out a chuckle, “the media, twisting things around? Yeah, right…”

Kai matched his amusement, “yeah, right? I mean, according to them, I’m on the same level of fucked up as rapists and murderers all because I smoked a joint and kissed one of my acquaintances.”

Soobin smirked at that, and Kai felt the urge to explain, “I didn’t sleep with her, by the way—they fabricated that shit, too. We just had a friendly kiss and called it a day. I’m not a whore, or anything—”

Soobin bursted into a fit of laughter at that, and the sound resembled music in Kai’s ears, a melody so beautiful that he found himself relaxing into it.

“Oh, darling,” he tipped his beer bottle over to him in a salute, “I like that you’re talking to me about this, but, you can keep that part to yourself,” he said, before he winked as he finished the rest of his beer. 

Kai felt his heart jolt at that, and his cheeks fully heated up under Soobin’s teasing. He let out a flustered whatever , before looking back at the ocean. Besides him, Soobin chuckled, making the goosebumps rise on his skin. 

He couldn’t help the smile that played on his lips when Soobin told him, “but, no, yeah—not a single person on earth could’ve handled what you’ve been through, and no one should have to go through it, either—least of all you.”

Kai’s head whipped back to look at him, heart rate increasing as he’s met with sincere eyes and even more sincere words, “seriously—all you did was act your age. And you did it responsibly, but they spun it around to make you look bad. Your personal life shouldn’t be anyone’s business.”

Okay, wow, holy shit . 

This might be the first time anyone’s not scolded him for what he did. 

He’s rendered speechless again, heart arrhythmic in his chest and words scrambled in his brain. Of all the people in his life, the hot blonde bartender that called him a childish nickname all this time was the last person he thought would treat him with seriousness and respect when it came to the mistake he made. 

It’s strangely endearing—he barely knew Soobin, yet his validation greatly affected him. He thanked him again, voice hushed as he watched him smile at him and shrug, telling him it’s not a big deal. 

“Plus,” his lips twitched, eyes glinting with something that Kai couldn’t read. It made his heart jump. “None of us are perfect—I mean, look at me. I peaked in high school, and I’m working a minimum wage job at your parents’ hotel. Who am I to judge?”

“Don’t say that, hyung,” Kai shook his head, frowning, “what you’ve done is amazing—and, soon, you’ll find a wonderful job and be out of here doing more cool things in this world.”

Soobin smiled softly as he thanked Kai, before he told him, “what you do is cool, too, you know…not many of us can finesse the system with good looks and get away with.”

“Oh, you totally could,” Kai retorted, ignoring the way his heart flipped at Soobin indirectly calling him good looking, “ look at you—you’d be a star in the business in no time if you applied.”

He didn’t realize how flirty that sounded until Soobin smirked his way, “yeah? You think I’m handsome, Ningning?”

Kai felt his entire body flush, and he parted his lips to try and backtrack, when Soobin’s eyes widened. He quickly cut in, “Shit, sorry, Kai—didn’t mean to call you that again. Force of habit.”

Kai relaxed, chuckling as he dismissed it with a motion of his hands, “it’s alright, hyung—it’s kind of cute when people have special nicknames for me.”

“Oh?” Soobin raised his brows, before he wiggled them, “so you’re saying you think I’m cute, again ?”

“Good god,” Kai rolled his eyes, reaching over to shove Soobin’s arm, “ enough . Stop fishing for compliments.”

Soobin giggled, bunny teeth on display, “you make it so easy, Ningning.”

“Literally how?” Kai exclaimed, and Soobin took his breath away with a smooth, “because you’re pretty as fuck, and pretty people make me fish for compliments from them.”

Goddamn , he didn’t think Soobin would be such a good flirt. There’s clearly a lot he doesn’t know about him yet—he’s ready to find out more. 

They call it a night shortly after their little back-and-forth, and on their way out, Soobin gave him a pat on the head and told him, “don’t tell Lea this, but…you’re slowly becoming my favorite coworker,” before he ruffled his hair and left him in shambles. 

His cheeks stay red all night after that. 

.

Kai had been very good at not being recognized these past few months. 

He stayed under the radar, spent most of his days at home, and tried to be invisible in the public light. Taehyun was right—he’s not as recognizable in the States, and he’s taken advantage of that. He spent time at the gym with his sister, took Bahiyyih to the arcade when she asked him to come with, and went to the obligatory family dinner outings that his father forced on them. It’s mostly been going good—he forgot what it’s like to be out and about without the fear of stalkers or reporters. 

Fans, on the other hand, find a way into his life no matter where he is. 

He’s at the local mall with his two sisters, a slushie in one hand and a bag of Lea’s purchased clothes in the other, when he’s approached by one of them. 

It’s a girl around his age, and she’s standing next to her boyfriend and introducing the both of them with a bright smile and kind enough eyes. Kai decided to indulge out of courtesy, despite Lea warning him not to. 

“Seriously, I’m a huge fan,” she emphasized once again, “I stanned you as soon as you showed up on that Allure Korea cover two years ago. Blew me away!”

Kai smiled politely, his media training a muscle memory now, as he thanked her. She asked him for a picture, and he declined for the sake of privacy, before he told her, “I appreciate you saying that, though—I hope you enjoy the rest of your day and thank you for saying hi.”

He made a move to walk away after bowing, when her boyfriend stopped him in his tracks by scoffing, “can’t believe that’s who you idolize—won’t even let you take a picture, and he’s blacklisted from his own fucking country.”

Kai halted in his steps, smiling tightly as he told him, as politely as he could, “I was actually born here, but I’m sorry that you feel this way. I’m ordered by my company to stay away from the public’s eye, so a picture with your wonderful girlfriend would—”

“–what? Worsen your reputation more than you already have? Fucking failure ,” her boyfriend scoffed, and the fan attempted to shush him and pull him away, but he moved her hand away and leveled with Kai. Kai stood before him, frozen, unable to do anything but take his words as he felt his ears begin to ring, “no, no—spoiled guys like him need to hear this. You’re a failed star, and you’re not even worth a picture with a fan at this point, so what makes you think anyone will care if my girl posts you on her social media—”

“Okay, that’s it,” Lea stepped in, pulling Kai behind her and pointing at the guy, “he’s media trained, but I’m not. I’m also not afraid to sock you in the face if you don’t get the fuck out of my face right now.”

Bahiyyih’s hand intertwined with Kai’s, and it’s the only thing grounding him at this point. He tuned Lea out as she argued with the guy, his vision blurring as he felt everything closing in on him. 

He barely found his voice enough to look over at Bahiyyih and plead, “home. Please take me home.”

Bahiyyih’s look of worry broke his heart. His little sister was worried, and it’s because of him. He’s the one that should be her protector, not the other way around. 

Fucking failure . 

He felt his breathing pick up. 

Failed star . 

His vision darkened, and he felt himself being tugged backwards. He didn’t gain knowledge of his surroundings until he’s in the car with his sisters, and they’re looking over at him and calling for him. Lea was on the phone, and he barely registered that it’s his phone, before his lungs burned and reminded him that it’s getting harder and harder to inhale. 

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t hear them and all he could see was the guy, close to his face, telling him that he’s a fucking failure —

“Hyuka?” Taehyun’s voice broke through the ringing in his ears, “Hyuka, you there? Can you hear me?”

Kai didn’t realize he’s tearing up until Bahiyyih’s hands were on his face as she wiped them away. When she held his hand afterwards, it made him register that he’s shaking. He answered Taehyun, and his voice sounded gravelly and broken. Foreign to his ears. 

What the fuck is happening to him?

“Hyunnie—” he choked out, “Hyunnie, I-I promise I didn’t wanna be recognized. I-I’ve been following everything you’re telling me to do. I h-haven’t broken any rules—”

“Hyuka, I know, I know,” Taehyun’s voice was calm. He soothed a bit of the ache in his chest when he assured him, “what happened in there isn’t going to reach Korea. Don’t worry. Please, just—breathe. Your sister’s really worried about you.”

Kai eyed Lea, seeing the way she looked at him like she used to when they were young. When he’d get bullied by the people on the playground, and she’d shoo them away and look down at him and ask him if he’s okay. 

He felt five again. He felt small, and pathetic, and all he wanted to do was crawl back into his childhood bedroom and hide under the covers like he did when he was younger. 

“Take me home…,” Kai whispered over to Lea, throat thick and heart rate barely slowing down, “ please , Lea…”

.

He rushed into his room as soon as they arrived home, closing the door behind him and fully breaking down, and Taehyun stayed on the phone with him to comfort him. 

“Breathe, Hyuka,” he reminded him, “deep breath in. Count for five seconds. Then release it. C’mon, please —for me. Do it.”

He followed his instructions, taking the time to breathe in deeply, before he held it in and counted. Then, he released it in shaking sobs. He tried to do it again, and more sobs came out of him. He felt his head hanging heavy on his body, and the pounding in his temples only made things worse. 

“I-I don’t wanna be here anymore, Hyunnie…,” he let out through his sobs, curling himself on the floor until his knees were tucked under his chin, “I d-don’t belong here…I hate it here and I feel like I lost who I am the day that I—”

His voice broke again as he thought about the day of the scandal. He’d been on autopilot since being at home, and the weight of everything didn’t crash down on him until now. All it took was a fucking dickhead at a mall to break him apart. 

Go figure. God , he hates white people—

“I know, Hyuka, I know,” Taehyun’s voice was gentle, kind. He’s careful with each word, as if stepping on shattered glass made of Kai’s soul. “But I need you to stay strong…I can’t have you falling apart before you come back to work.”

“I-I don’t know if I’ll be back…n-not when they’ve let me go o-on hiatus for this long,” he whispered, and the admittance of that made him ache. He tightened his hold around his shins as he squeezed into himself, “Hyunnie, w-what if that was it? What if that was the end of my career—”

“Hyuka,” Taehyun’s voice broke through his negative thoughts, abruptly shutting them down and easing his brain, “Don’t say that. I’m working every day on getting you back here…I can’t have you give up on this. You hear me?”

Kai squeezed his eyes, so tightly that he saw stars, and he let Taehyun’s words in, trying to get them to overpower the surge of negative thoughts he’s repeating over and over in his mind. 

“Kai, tell me you hear me,” Taehyun pleaded, “promise me you won’t lose hope.”

Kai whispered out a promise to Taehyun, despite his brain telling him to give up. He already felt like shit for worrying Taehyun this much, and he couldn’t keep doing that to him. 

“Good,” Taehyun said, before Kai heard him sigh, “good, Hyuka, good…look, take a rest day. Try to breathe. We can talk about this again when you feel better, okay?”

Kai whispered out an okay , before the hot tears that had stained his face fell slowly onto the carpet below him. He felt his chest constrict when Taehyun told him, “I love you.”

Another surge of emotions overtook him, and he forced them down enough to tell him, “love you, too,” before he ended the call and burst into tears. 

The last thing he remembers from that day is his sisters barging in and collecting him in their arms before he shut down. 

.

He stayed home for two weeks. 

Lea took over his shifts, covering for him by telling her parents that he felt under the weather, and he told her he owed her forever for that. Bahiyyih kept him company at home when she came back from her summer classes, and they spent most of their time working on fun activities that required little thinking. 

He’d done so many arts and crafts projects this last week alone than he has his entire life. 

He slowly found his sanity again—he contacted his therapist in Korea, and she agreed to meet him virtually to continue their sessions. They talked about the effect this has had on his life so far, and how, despite what everyone around him was telling him, he didn’t deserve any of it. 

“But my parents agree that I’ve fucked up,” he found himself arguing during their session, “and so does my company. And so does the entirety of Korea.”

His therapist hummed, before asking him, “but what do you think about all of this?”

Kai scoffed, “well, I’m a narcissistic Leo— of course , I’m gonna think I don’t deserve this.”

His therapist spared him a smile at his sarcastic comment, before speaking up, “or, maybe you’re a bright individual with mature thoughts. Have you tried to see yourself in a positive light, rather than the light that everyone around you sees you in?”

Kai shrugged, admitting, “kind of hard to do that when everyone around you tells you the opposite of what you wanna think.”

“Well, that’s the problem with living in a toxic environment that you can’t escape, Kai,” his therapist calmly explained, “you often end up believing the lies that you’re being fed every day…”

Kai felt, for the second time since he’s come home, like he’s finally being seen. He’s only ever had that feeling when he last spoke with Soobin. At the thought of him alone, Kai’s heart stuttered. 

Maybe one good thing has come out of being back home, after all. 

.

When he came back to work the week after, he’s immediately greeted by the sight of Soobin soothing his insides with a big, toothy grin. 

“Ningning, you’re back,” Soobin exclaimed as soon as he walked into the restaurant, eyes bright and blonde hair swaying across his forehead, “was beginning to miss you.”

“Mmm,” Kai let out, feeling his heart soar at the sight of him as he reached the bar and sat on the hi-chair. He couldn’t help but tease, “glad I didn’t keep you waiting too long—wouldn’t wanna deepen your frown lines, old man.”

Soobin’s jaw dropped, before he reached over the bar counter and ruffled Kai’s hair roughly, making him squeal and try to push him off. 

“That’s what you get for being a brat,” he said through laughter, before he immediately pulled his hand back and started fixing Kai’s hair with delicate finger movements. The action made Kai hot all over. “There—all pretty again.”

Kai narrowed his eyes at him, his face hurting from how much he’s smiling, “So, you’re saying I’m ugly without my hair all styled?”

Soobin hummed, and Kai realized how close their faces were. His heart fluttered when Soobin’s eyes flickered to his lips, before he mimicked his expression and whispered out, “precisely.”

Kai tried his best to look offended, before he nudged him back. Soobin giggled, before he walked around the corner of the bar counter and started to put on his apron. 

Kai realized then, just how beneficial having someone like Soobin in his life is. He’s a shot of dopamine, and he doesn’t even have to try to be. His existence alone makes home a lot more bearable. 

His therapist was right—maybe he just needed to get out of his toxic environment. Maybe Soobin’s his way out. 

They continued working until it died down again, and Kai found himself back at the bar counter, gravitating towards Soobin like a magnet as he watched him clean the glasses, shamelessly zoning in on the way his biceps flexed with every move. 

He didn’t look away until Soobin turned around to face him, making him dart his eyes quickly and scan his surroundings, pretending to be interested in the lights of the restaurant. Before him, Soobin chuckled, “don’t you have a job to do, Ningning?”

Kai’s eyes landed back on Soobin, and his heart skipped a beat at the way he eyed him with that signature flirty glint that he gave their customers. Impulsively, he found himself asking, “can you make me a drink, Binnie-hyung?” 

The nickname slipped out before he could help himself, and Soobin’s bright smile was enough of a reason for him to remind himself to use it more often. 

“A drink?” Soobin asked, tilting his head to one side as he began to untie his apron, “like, one of the restaurant’s cocktails?”

Kai shrugged in agreement, and Soobin’s brows furrowed, amused smile on display as he set the apron aside and leaned his elbows on the bar counter so he could look at Kai closely. It did something to Kai’s insides. He chose to ignore it for the sake of keeping his sanity. 

“Why, Ningning?” He challenged, brows arched. He rested his chin on his hands, pink lips pouted in mock-innocence. 

Kai found it in himself to be brave, letting all the confidence that he learned from modeling fuel him as he straightened up and fluttered his lashes, making sure to give Soobin a knowing look as he shamelessly admitted, “kinda wanna see you work for me…”

Something flickered over Soobin’s face, and it sent a jolt through Kai’s entire body. When he spoke again, his voice lowered, and it sent shivers down Kai’s spine, “yeah? How come?”

Kai felt his stomach flip with desire, a feeling igniting inside of him that he hadn’t experienced in a long time. He let it fuel his words as he rested his arms on the bar counter and looked at Soobin through his lashes, “I don’t know…it’s kinda hot, watching you make drinks, hyung.”

Soobin’s eyes darkened, and it made Kai’s core stir. Before the feeling lingered, Soobin pulled back and told him, “one signature cocktail coming up,” before he started working on the drink. 

Kai sat there, mesmerized, as Soobin made him his cocktail. Without the apron on, he’s able to see how Soobin’s white shirt hugged his toned body, and he shamelessly stared at every bit of muscle that his eyes landed on. 

Soobin caught his eyes, and he smirked knowingly. Kai felt a flush run through his entire body. 

When his cocktail was done, Soobin placed it on the counter and put a straw in it, forefinger and thumb holding onto it and eyes glued to Kai’s as he let out, “drink up.”

His hand never let go of the drink, and the realization of what he wanted Kai to do made him almost let out a desperate sound from the depths of his throat. Fuck —he’s not had action in a while, and it’s starting to show. 

Fuck being friends—Kai wanted to devour Soobin. 

He leaned in and wrapped his lips around the straw, deliberately slow with his movements as he kept his eyes on Soobin. Soobin’s lips parted when he started to suck, cheeks slightly hollowed and brows drawn together as he emphasized the look he’s giving him. 

Kai knew when to turn his charms on. Soobin wasn’t the only one who was fucking smooth. 

And it clearly worked, because Soobin cleared his throat and pulled back altogether, hand scratching the side of his head and pulling on his earlobe as he laughed, “how, uh–so, how’s the drink, Ningning?”

Kai swallowed the sip he’d taken, letting the heat of the vodka coat his throat and light it up, before he hummed and nodded, satisfied smile stretching across his face. He felt like a cocky little shit, but he didn’t care—not when Soobin had been doing the same thing to him this whole time.

“Good, hyung,” he sealed his act with, “anything coming from you is good.”

Soobin’s cheeks turned crimson, and Kai thought, fucking jackpot . 

.

The next night they closed together, Soobin suggested taking a stroll on the beach. 

They finished cleaning early, and Kai was teasing him about messing up one of his circus bartender acts, and Soobin told him to fuck off. Then he brought it up, leaning his elbows on the bar counter and giving Kai a look that made his body tingle, and who the fuck is Kai to refuse such a request?

So, they ended up in the sand, both barefooted with their shoes somewhere on the hotel’s patio and their sweaters on as they walked on the muddy area of the beach, feet getting washed by the water every now and then and making Kai shiver in the cold. 

Soobin teased him about it as soon as he started noticing, airy giggles falling out of his lips as he asked, “Getting a little too chilly for you, Ningning? Wow—you’re losing your roots.”

“‘Mnot,” he let out, teeth slightly chattering as he hugged himself tighter, “just a little cold tonight, is all.”

“Nah,” Soobin tutted, cocky grin on display as he retorted, “I think city life changed you.”

Kai’s eyes studied Soobin’s grin in the dark, noticing the shadows of his dimples and nose and the twinkle in his eyes, and he forced himself to look away before he tripped on his own two feet. 

“City life hasn’t changed me, Binnie,” he let out, purposefully kicking in his step to toss some of the sand onto Soobin’s feet, “you just have no feelings.”

“ Rude ,” Soobin lightly nudged Kai’s shoulder with his, before proceeding to kick sand back his way, “and it’s Binnie- hyung to you. Did city life make you forget your manners, too?”

Kai halted in his steps, giving himself space between him and Soobin, before he kicked forward with his foot. A chunk of muddy sand landed in a pile on top of both of Soobin’s feet, making his jaw drop. 

Kai giggled, “that’s what you get for starting it, Binnie- hyung .”

“Brat,” Soobin dipped down until he was on his knees, before he grabbed a handful of muddy sand. 

Kai’s smile faltered immediately, “what the fuck are you doing—”

“ Run .” 

Soobin’s hand raised, and before he could throw the handful of sand, Kai was already running the opposite way, squealing in fear as he exclaimed, “Childish as fuck of you to do this, hyung!”

Soobin’s laughter rang in his ears like a melody, and he heard him get closer as he started catching up to him, “I’m only matching your mental age, Ningning.”

Before he could escape it, Soobin’s arms were on his waist and he was pushing him down until they both lost balance. They fell onto the floor in an extremely ungraceful way, with Kai letting out shrieks and complaints of sand getting all over them, and Soobin letting out loud laughter and rolling them over to the drier side of the sand. 

They didn’t settle until Soobin had him trapped under him, hovering over him closely with his toothy grin on display and beautiful, mischievous eyes squinting at him. He picked his muddied hand up, and started slowly bringing it over to Kai’s face. 

“No, no, hyung—” Kai immediately grabbed his arm with both of his hands, and— damn . Soobin was strong . His hold did nothing, as Soobin easily kept inching his hand closer and closer. And one thing about Kai? He’s never above begging if it meant saving his precious skin. “I worked hard to get rid of my acne, hyung, please —don’t!”

Kai could only hear Soobin’s giggles as his hand stayed hovering over him, and his grip tightened on his arm as he pleaded, “I’ll literally clean everything next shift, just—please…”

Soobin gasped, and his voice mocked Kai as he told him, “ everything , huh? But what about your precious ten-step skincare routine for your hands, Ningning?”

Kai opened his eyes to scowl at Soobin. “I can’t even fucking lie and say I don’t have a ten-step shower routine—”

Soobin’s laughter made him pause, and his heart leaped at their proximity. Soobin was looming over him, propped up by one arm, and his body heat radiated off of him as he scrunched his eyes shut when laughing, pink lips matching his pink tongue and making Kai’s own tongue swipe out to wet his dried lips. 

Fuck , he’s pretty. 

“You’re something else, Ningning…,” Soobin let out in between laughter, eyes opening to see Kai staring back at him. Kai’s heart skipped a beat as Soobin’s laughter died down and his eyes softened into a hazed look the longer that they stared at one another. 

Soobin’s muddied arm slowly lowered until it was laying on the other side of Kai’s head, digging into the sand below them to keep him hovering above him. Kai’s hands slid off of his arm, trailing down until they were brushing against Soobin’s chest. 

Soobin’s lips parted, and Kai was reminded again by their proximity. He could hear Soobin’s breathing, could feel it against him, as his eyes stayed glued onto his face. Kai’s eyes lowered to his lips, admiring their defined cupid’s bow and pouting plumpness. Even his lips were pretty. Everything about him is pretty—

When his eyes trailed back up to Soobin’s, he saw it—the flickering as they darkened and set into a determined stare, before he dipped his head down and attached their lips together, knocking the breath out of Kai’s lungs. 

As soon as their lips meet, they fit perfectly together. Kai didn’t feel butterflies or fireworks, but he felt a warmth and a familiarity as his entire body liquified under Soobin and melted into the sand. This was the first kiss he’s had that left him feeling as if he were laying on a soft mattress and engulfed in a thick blanket that soothed the coldness of the night. 

It was so… relaxing . It eased him immediately—Soobin was a soothing presence, and his kisses resembled that. 

When Soobin pulled back, cheeks red and lips parted, Kai immediately felt his chest expand with cozy heat he’d never experienced before, and it hit him then. 

He didn’t just wanna kiss Soobin—he liked him. 

His stomach was swarming with butterflies at the epiphany, body flushed all over, and he fisted Soobin’s shirt and tugged him down until he was kissing him again. This time, the kiss was a lot firmer—he did it with more fervor, lips parting and tongue darting out to taste Soobin’s lips and bask in their sweetness. 

Soobin inhaled sharply at Kai’s boldness, before his body relaxed onto his, their chests touching as he deepened the kiss. Their mouths danced together under the moonlight and the stars, and it was sentimental and beautiful and everything Kai would have wanted from a kiss. 

He didn’t realize he’d been craving this until he got it from Soobin. And, now, he wasn’t ready to let it go. 

.

“Hyung, can I ask you something personal…?”

After their kiss, Soobin had pulled Kai up and intertwined their fingers together as he took him to his favorite spot at the beach. It was a little cliff area on the edge of it, away from the city life, where the moon perfectly sat high up in the sky and shined down onto the dark waves, creating a sequence of sparkles that resembled disco lights. 

It was beautiful—Kai felt his chest constrict with emotions. Good emotions. He was at peace for the first time since he’d been home, and it was all Soobin’s doing. 

He cuddled closer to Soobin until their arms were touching, and Soobin let out an amused huff of breath as he nudged him lightly, “if you want me to put my arm around you, all you have to do is ask.”

Kai scowled dramatically, “I don’t like to ask for things.”

Soobin rolled his eyes playfully, before he placed his arm around his waist and brought him closer. Kai laid his head on his shoulder and let his hand rest on his thigh. He squeezed gently when Soobin told him, “you can ask me anything you want, Kai…I wanna be an open book for you.”

Kai’s heart fluttered in his chest at his words, and his lips twitched upwards, not helping his smile as he cooed, “who knew you’d be so sweet?”

“Excuse you,” Soobin pinched his side, “I can be very sweet…you just had to unlock it by kissing me.”

Kai laughed at that, before he pushed at his side with his elbow and pulled back, “if I knew kissing you would make you stop teasing me, I would’ve done it the first day we reunited.”

“Oh, no,” Soobin smirked at him, reaching over and ruffling his hair, purposefully making him deadpan him, “being sweet with you doesn’t mean I’m willing to give up giving you shit—that part’s never gonna die, babe.”

Kai pretended like the pet name didn’t make his heart do backflips as he rolled his eyes, before he looked out into the ocean. He’d debated asking him this for a long time, mostly because he wasn’t sure if it would bring the mood down between them. 

But, now that he was sure he liked him, he wanted to know things about him. He wanted to get to know the boy that gave him so much peace—he had a right to make sure he wasn’t getting into something that could potentially hurt him, not when he’d been hurt so much this year already. 

He inhaled sharply, before releasing it in an audible sigh, and kept his eyes on the twinkling waves as he finally asked, “would it be okay for me to ask why you decided to come home for your gap year?”

Soobin’s answer was almost instantaneous, easing his worries immediately, “of course, Ningning…you can ask me anything. I won’t be offended, not by you.”

God , he made it so easy for Kai to want him—

“I came back home to deal with some family issues,” he spoke up, and Kai looked over to see that he, too, was watching the ocean. His hair resembled a halo, and his eyes looked like the night sky. Kai wanted to take a mental picture of him like this. It was a beautiful vision. “My, uh…so, mom and dad are basically getting a divorce.”

Kai felt himself falter. He let out a quiet oh , and Soobin huffed out a laugh, “yeah…fun stuff. They’ve been, like, on a decline with their marriage for a while now, so…it’s not news, really?”

He paused to chuckle, his hand coming up to play with his earlobe. Kai noticed early on that that was a nervous habit of his. He found it fucking adorable. 

“I mean, when they told me and my siblings over the phone, we literally couldn’t even be shocked, but then, mom started crying and saying she missed us and I just—” he huffed, twisting his earlobe between his fingers and tugging, before he released it and dropped his hand into his lap. He began picking at the fabric of his pants, shrugging, before he continued, “it’s whatever…I’m not really affected by their failed marriage, but I did wanna be here for them when they ended it legally because, like, none of my siblings wanted to, and I felt this responsibility to provide them with some mental support, I guess? I don’t know…”

Kai hummed, frowning. It wasn’t until Soobin laughed and motioned with his hand dismissively, telling him, “it’s not a big deal—it’ll be fine, or whatever,” that he felt like speaking up. 

Carefully, he reached over and grabbed onto Soobin’s hand. He intertwined their fingers together, before letting out, “I don’t mean to overstep or anything, hyung…but, it kinda sounds like you’re taking on a job you’re not equipped to deal with…they’re your parents, not the other way around.”

Soobin huffed out another laugh, eyes flickering over to Kai as he squeezed their fingers together, “yeah, my sister said the same thing…my brother called me an idiot for coming back here altogether, so…,” he chuckled, rolling his eyes, “I know I shouldn’t play therapist for them, but…I just don’t want them to fall apart once all this is over. I want to be there for them while I can.”

Kai felt his heart squeeze at that. Most people would take their time off to travel the world, to explore—not to be at home taking care of their parents. Besides Soobin, Kai felt like an ungrateful little shit for having parents who kept their problems hidden from their children and provided them with a loving home, for the most part. 

He leaned over until his head was laying on Soobin’s shoulder again, and Soobin immediately reacted to that by wrapping his arm around his shoulders. 

“Hey, don’t worry about me, okay?” Soobin said as he laid his chin on top of Kai’s head, squeezing him close, “I’ll be fine.”

Kai wanted to tell him that he couldn’t help worrying. That he was developing feelings for him that were going beyond being just friends with him. He wasn’t sure how he’d even start such a conversation, mostly because he’s never had to have one like it before. 

He opted to stay quiet, instead, and enjoy the view of the ocean and the peaceful moment that they were sharing with one another for tonight. 

.

On a day off from work a few weeks later, Soobin suggested they go to the fair. 

“Come on,” he said when Kai immediately recoiled, “kettle corn, fun rides, churros—it’ll be a blast .”

“Mmm,” he cringed, his shoulders tensing up, “nope. Bad idea. How about we spend the night at yours instead?”

Kai didn’t realize that he was insinuating something unintentionally until Soobin looked over at him with glinting eyes and a smirk, and he groaned and dropped his head into his hands, “that’s not what I meant—I just meant I’d rather not be in public.”

Soobin’s smirk slowly settled into an understanding smile, eyes softening as he let out a quiet ah , before nodding and looking down. 

Kai felt his heart jump. He hated when he brought the mood down like this—they’d been on a good streak the past few weeks, working together and then, after closing, hitting up the beach and making out on their special cliff. It’s been a nice change of pace from the boring life he was having at home before. He liked kissing Soobin almost as much as he liked talking to him. 

But, sometimes, the conversations would steer in the direction of his career and his thoughts on what he’d been going through, and he’d find himself shifting away from the subject. He knew it made him a hypocrite, running away from the very thing he would constantly ask Soobin to open up to him about. But it just was never fun for him to open up about his heartache relating to his career. 

Still, Soobin treated his jaded attitude with patience, and it made it easier for him to want to open up to him. It almost made it so, so easy to fucking want him in his life for a very, very long time. 

Seriously, Soobin was so fucking easy to like. Kai is very lucky. 

“It’s alright, then, Ningning,” Soobin let out before the silence became long enough to reach the edge of awkwardness, face beaming as he eased Kai’s nerves with, “we can chill at mine, instead. I’ll make you some nice food and we can have a relaxing day.”

Kai’s heart warmed as he gave him a grateful smile, and Soobin reacted to it by closing the space between them and attaching their lips together. 

.

Kai had forgotten when he’d become accustomed to being at Soobin’s place like this—one day, he was kissing him on the beach and acting shy around him whenever things got hot and heavy, and the next, he was spending weekends at his house—sometimes till the sun came up, because they would just be sitting and talking for hours —and having to awkwardly ask Lea to cover for him in case his parents asked where he was. 

God , he felt like he was a high schooler again. 

Lea said he owed her until the day he died, and he told her he’ll have his debt paid to her in heaven. She told him, “brave of you to assume you’ll enter that holy place,” and he’d proceeded to flip her off. 

Safe to say, he and Soobin have been steadily moving into relationship territory, yet neither one of them was addressing it. 

Kai wondered when, or if, the conversation would come up. In retrospect, the idea of a relationship sounded so nice—he wanted to have something more concrete, and Soobin seemed like the perfect person to start that with. He was responsible, confident, and the calm to Kai’s storm. 

The other day, when Taehyun had broken the news to him that the company was considering ending his contract, Soobin had him in his arms before he could fully break down. He calmed him down through soothing words and soft kisses to his head until he’d regained his composure. Then he talked him through it, and told him, “baby, it’s not the end of the world—you’re beautiful, and you can just apply to modeling jobs in America. Screw those guys.”

Kai started crying again, mostly because Soobin made it sound so easy, but also because no one else looked at the biggest fuck-up in his life and seemed to wholeheartedly believe that he wasn’t at fault for it. Sure—Taehyun didn’t fully blame him, but even he scolded him for it. 

Soobin was the only believer that Kai didn’t make a mistake, that he was just…being human. It made him break down and cry into his chest until he was soothed out of another breakdown. Then, he kissed Soobin until he lost feeling in his lips, and Soobin let him, because he knew it was what he needed. 

So, yeah, having someone like that be his boyfriend would be a fucking dream. 

He just wondered if it would ever happen, especially since Soobin never brought up the question of what they are with him before, and Kai was too apprehensive about doing it himself. He didn’t want to ruin whatever they had—he didn’t want Soobin to turn into a point of stress in his life, not when he was the only silencer of his anxieties. 

Before he could dwell on it for too long, Soobin popped his head out from where he was in the kitchen and asked, “So, before dinner is served, pick one—Uno or Monopoly tonight?”

Kai groaned from his spot on the couch, eyes on the television as he whined out, “I don’t like when we play either—you get so competitive every time.”

“Me?” Soobin exclaimed, “Really, Ninging, me ? You almost ripped my Uno cards the last time we played.”

“Yeah, well—,” he uttered in annoyance, “you pulled a Plus Four on me twice, and proceeded to bat your lashes and try to pretend like it wasn’t the most trifling fucking move, like, ever !”

Soobin’s giggles broke out then, as he immediately gave in, “okay, yeah—that was shitty of me.”

Kai whipped his head over to scowl at him, eyes narrowed, “You think?”

Soobin’s eyes crinkled as he gave him his signature toothy grin, before announcing, “Dinner’s ready—last one on the kitchen table has to do the dishes!”

“Not fucking fair,” Kai jumped up and rushed into the kitchen, watching as Soobin sat on the table with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, “trifling ass bitch.”

Soobin laughed, pulling the chair next to him back and patting it, “A trifling ass bitch who cooks for you for free , now come sit and stop being all pouty.”

“‘Mnot pouty,” Kai let out, before proceeding to pout as he walked over to the table, and pout some more as he plopped down on the chair, and continue to pout as Soobin poured him a scoop of rice and placed a spoonful of okra stew on top of it, a recipe he learned from his time volunteering. 

Despite his pouting, Kai’s stomach gurgled as the delicious smell of the stew filled his nostrils. Soobin found it amusing, as he reached over and pinched his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger, gently tugging it and smirking, “pouty baby—eat before it gets cold.”

Kai felt his entire body flush at that, before he scoffed and swatted Soobin’s hand away. Soobin’s laughter rang in his ears like his favorite song, and his heart backflipped in his chest, a common reaction to anything he did to him these days. 

They continued to have a back-and-forth as they ate, with Kai claiming that the food wasn’t all that, and Soobin telling him that the fact that he inhaled his first serving in two seconds says otherwise, before he was forced to stand at the sink and start on the dishes. 

“C’mon,” Soobin’s hands were on his waist as he kept him in place, grip firm and sending jolts all throughout Kai’s body, “you lost, and now you have to do the dishes.”

“It was a rigged fucking competition,” Kai said, his voice sounding a bit shaky as he felt his body heating up when Soobin loomed over him from behind, their proximity turning him slightly dizzy, “I demand a rematch.”

Soobin huffed out a laugh, and the sound vibrated against Kai’s back. He felt his breath on top of his head as he kissed it, before his lips hovered near his ear as he whispered, “no rematches, baby—get to work.”

Then he pulled back altogether, and Kai’s knees almost gave out. He didn’t have to look back to know that Soobin was smirking at him. That little shit —

“If you finish quickly,” Soobin’s voice sounded a bit farther now as he moved closer to the table to wipe it down, “I have a surprise for you.”

Kai’s head whipped around to face Soobin, immediately catching his mirthful gaze and feeling it send a zap of electricity all the way to his core. Then he giggled, eyes crinkling as he teased, “not that kind of surprise…though, you’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

Kai scowled at him, and Soobin’s giggles rang throughout the walls of the kitchen as he told him, “sorry, sorry, I’ll stop—I promise you’ll like the surprise, though.”

Kai narrowed his eyes, before letting out an unconvinced, “sure….”

Soobin mimicked his expression, though his was more playful, “check the fridge, you little brat.”

Kai kept his eyes narrowed at Soobin, until he motioned with his head to the fridge and told him to get it over with , making him groan and walk over to the fridge. He opened the door, registering items he’d gotten used to seeing in there, mostly because he and Soobin got them when they went grocery shopping together (again, when did they get so domestic?). 

His eyes scanned the shelves, before landing on the bottom to see a glass cake stand with— oh . His heart rolled inside of him, eyes widening and lips parting because, holy fuck , Soobin made him his favorite cake. 

He mentioned it once . 

Only once . They were sitting on the barstools of the hotel’s restaurant, going over their list of friends and telling each other stories about them, and Soobin had told him about his friends back in Egypt and Lebanon, and Kai had told him about Taehyun. He proceeded to ramble, mostly because he missed him so much, and explained to him that his favorite thing to do was to go with him to their local café and get a matcha sponge cake and split a slice as they caught each other up on their week. It was a small dose of normalcy during their hectic schedules. 

Soobin remembered that. He remembered it, and he decided to make him that cake. Kai was sure his eyes would pop out of their sockets and turn into giant hearts if they could right now. 

He felt a rush of warmth engulf his entire body, a hug by the universe made of Soobin’s sweetness, as he turned around to look at him. 

He’s shifting on his feet, fingers mindlessly tugging on his earlobe, cheeks turning a soft shade of pink as he eyed Kai shyly. 

“Hyung…,” Kai tried to articulate how he felt about this, how wonderful this was, but couldn’t. He was, once again, rendered speechless by the man that stood before him. 

Soobin’s smile reached his eyes as he nervously giggled, before letting out, “I know it’s probably not gonna be as good as the real thing, but, like…I just wanted you to get a piece of Korea here at home to hopefully make you feel better about—oh.”

He was immediately cut off by Kai rushing up to him and wrapping his arms around his shoulders, bringing him down into a tight embrace that squeezed them both together so tightly that it almost cut off their breaths. He scrunched his eyes shut, his entire body bubbling up with the emotions that his heart wanted to pour out, lips dancing around soft whispers of thank you, hyung, thank you …

Soobin’s hands wrapped around his waist, finding a home in Kai’s embrace as he softly responded that it wasn’t a big deal and that Kai deserved it. Kai pulled back, making their eyes meet, and felt his heart jump to his throat at Soobin’s kind stare. 

“Hyung, I…,” He felt his throat catch around his words, the emotions already getting to him as he admitted, “this is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me….”

Soobin’s gaze softened, pretty pink lips parting as he squeezed his sides and told him, “but, Kai, this is the bare minimum…I mean it when I say this is nothing.”

Kai couldn’t help it then—he felt all his emotions pour out of him, as his eyes watered and his chest squeezed and twisted. Soobin immediately reacted by sliding his hands up until they cupped his cheeks, concern written all over his face as he asked, “no, baby—didn’t mean to make you cry, shit…you okay?”

Kai immediately let out a watery laugh, feeling his tears roll down to his cheeks, and Soobin immediately collected them with his thumbs and swiped them away. “No, no, I’m okay…,” his voice came out shaky, the truth coming out of him faster than it had in a long time, “j-just overwhelmed…never really felt this way for anyone….”

And it was the truth—Soobin was the first person in Kai’s life to make him feel all these emotions and react in the way that he did. Then again, no one in his life was like Soobin in any way. It didn’t scare him, but…it still was a lot . Doubts swam in his mind constantly about whether he deserved this, and he didn’t know if he should listen to those voices or embrace the fact that he was given something good by the universe and was allowed to have it, for once. 

His entire life was spent with him on edge—from the moment he left to Korea, to the training period when he would wonder if he would be dropped and sent back home, to the moment the scandal happened—he was constantly reminded that everything he had could go away in a second. 

Yet Soobin was here , in front of him, with his gentle hands on him and his sweet words comforting him. And he wasn’t going anywhere—he made him his favorite cake , for fuck’s sake. He was probably just as whipped for him, and it was time that he embraced that kind of love in his life. 

“Oh, my Ningning…,” Soobin’s voice was calming like the ocean waves as he cooed, “I feel the same way…no one’s swept me off my feet as quickly as you have.”

Kai felt his heart flit, his eyes collecting more tears as he whispered out, “you do? You really do…?”

“ Of course , I do,” Soobin’s own eyes turned glassy as his face broke out into that toothy grin of his, thumbs swiping away more of Kai’s tears as he continued to cradle his face, “when I walked into my shift the day I saw you again, I knew I was in trouble, Kai…I knew I wanted you then.”

Kai felt the air in his lungs catch in his throat at the confession, and Soobin didn’t give him a chance to breathe as he continued, “I mean, I like you, like… a lot , if I haven’t made it clear with all the teasing and the kisses by now.”

They both laughed at that, and Kai felt light as a feather as he let Soobin’s words run through his insides like warm water, before he admitted, “I like you, too…wanted you from the moment we reunited. Though—I have to admit, I didn’t remember you from high school, and I felt bad for hiding that from you this whole time.”

Soobin broke out into a fit of airy giggles, thumbs and forefingers pinching his cheeks as he told him, “I don’t blame you—I’d trauma block this entire town if I could, too…being at home sucks sometimes.”

Kai found himself matching Soobin’s contagious laughter, his own hands reaching around to cup his cheeks as he said, “hyung, you’re talking to the king of hating being at home right now. Trust me, I get it.”

“I know, I know…,” Soobin let out, chuckling, before his eyes softened, “though, you make it easier for me…I hope I do the same for you.”

Kai felt his chest expand with all the feelings he had for Soobin, begging to come out into a stream of consciousness that wanted to shower him with all the compliments and confessions that he had in his mind. He settled on, “you have no idea, hyung, truly…,” and moved in to attach their lips together, hoping that their kiss would convey all his emotions to Soobin that he wanted to pour into his mouth. 

Soobin’s lips immediately moved in tandem with his, a routine they’d become used to by now, as his hands slid down to grip his waist and bring them closer together. Their chests brushed against one another, both expanding and retracting with the same erratic rhythm of breathing in and out their feelings into the warm air around them. 

And, in the midst of the warmth that engulfed them, Kai realized that, no matter what happens next in his life—whether he gets back into his business in Korea, or takes on a different career, it didn’t matter. Because it will all feel like a breeze with someone like Soobin in his life. 

Soobin is his light at the end of the very dark tunnel.

.

THE END