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A year ago, Izzy would never have thought the scene before him possible—trying to keep up with Stede, who was striding purposefully towards the Pallas's cat exhibit, golden hair glinting in the sun, utter determination in his form. His bottom bulged in a way only Izzy would recognize, wrapped in a carefully folded diaper and a bright orange cover. The Pallas's cat’s enclosure was a good twenty minute walk into the zoo. Izzy's leg was already starting to ache. "Slow down, speedy," Izzy said, reaching out to graze Stede's shoulders and make sure he was paying attention.
Stede's head whipped around, and his frown filled Izzy with warmth. "Mama," he said, quiet and trying to not be heard by others. Izzy was less worried. "We might see her get fed!" He turned forward and slowed his pace, but only a little.
They passed crowds of families talking in dozens of languages. In the fresh breeze carrying the smell of cut grass, hay, and animal dung it felt like everyone shared are purpose: bringing delight to someone they loved and learning what they could about the wonders of living life.
Passing Lemur Island and a giant sculpture of a triceratops, Stede crouched down to tie his shoe. This gave Izzy a moment to skate a hand down Stede's back. Sweat already dampened the button-down, darkening the pink background of the floral print. The respite was brief, as Stede quickly stood and trotted off to the loop of small mammals they sought. Several families crowded the entrance to the loop with strollers, as parents handed water bottles and snacks to chattering children. Stede rushed past them, but Izzy had to twist uncomfortably to break through. He weighed whether or not this warranted a spanking. But there was no doubt where he would find Stede—it wasn't like he was running off on a whim. May be a few taps to his willy later instead, when they would fuck this afternoon at home. Just as a reminder and more of a tease.
He wiped the sweat from his brow as they approached the cat's enclosure. Stede gripped the railing, almost vibrating. “I can't find it," he said, a little too loudly, and shaking as Izzy came up behind him.
“Be patient, little boy,” Izzy said quietly. Hands on Stede's shoulders, Izzy felt him relax by half. “They're grumpy and shy, like Mama.”
Stede gave a frustrated huff but continued to settle. Izzy scanned the enclosure. A small empty cage attached to the chain-link fence allowed the keepers to feed the cat. The enclosure sloped down a hill, bushes and tall grass providing plenty of good hiding spots. Izzy briefly worried about the cat's stress levels, being on display all the time. And while Pallas's cat preferred being alone, she would probably never mate or have kittens again.
A tug at his sleeve broke his melancholy. "She's in the treehouse," Stede hissed, then pulled out his phone to photograph the cat. She sat on a shady platform built into a tree trunk, eye level for visitors. If she held still, she was invisible to someone simply glancing, which most of the other families passing by seemed to do. A full bowl of water rested on the other end of the platform, the surface rippling in the wind. The cat sat facing away from them, her tail wrapped around her gray-brown body.
“I want to see her face, Mama,” Stede whined.
Izzy wrapped his arms around Stede's waist. He traced the edge of the diaper cover, where it rested right below Stede's waistband. "Be patient," Izzy reminded Stede. "We're not in a rush. We can stand here as long as we like."
Stede's body wound up again, and Izzy prayed he'd be patient enough that he wouldn't need to remind him further. When little Stede wanted something, he required it the moment he realized his desire. It's what had ultimately landed Izzy in the caregiver role with him in the first place. Expressive and forthright, what Stede wanted or needed was never unclear when he was small—even if he wasn't feeling particularly verbal.
Stede gave a small chirp of delight, his body thrumming. Izzy looked up, and saw the cat stand and stretch. She turned her head and fixed Izzy with her curious golden eyes. Since her pupils were circles, they felt oddly human. She returned to her original position, watching some something intently outside the fence of the enclosure.
Very seriously, Stede turned to Izzy and said, “She looked at us.” Izzy smiled, and a grin broke across Stede's face before he returned to staring at the cat.
Izzy felt a smile spread across his face. To bring Stede joy---this was an unprecedented gift. It made him feel shivery and unsettled, not to mention a little scared, but he couldn't remember ever feeling so good.
That he could still have firsts at his age---that he could still have them with Stede and they could move him so wholly: yeah, he would have never expected that a year ago.
