Chapter Text
Patrick was rummaging through his suitcase, frustrated that none of the clothes he'd packed felt quite right. Not that he knew what the right clothes for this situation were anyway. What were you supposed to wear to a gay bar? Especially when you had the specific intention of finding someone to hook up with.
Patrick now had an empty suitcase in front of him, his clothes scattered across every surface his tiny New York hotel room had to offer. Why'd he pack so many t-shirts? In the moment he was sure they'd be fine, but right now they seemed too casual. Deciding it was better to be overdressed than underdressed, Patrick opted to wear the one button up shirt he’d packed at the last minute, just in case a situation arose where he needed it. He was certain it would be too formal for this, but he felt better in it than a plain t-shirt. And he needed to feel good in what he was wearing if he was about to leave his comfort zone.
Button up shirt and jeans on, he threw all his clothes back into his suitcase and did a general tidy of the room, in the off chance he did bring someone back here tonight. Grabbing his phone, he double checked the address of the bar he was heading to, before grabbing his wallet and room key and headed down to the street. The bar wasn’t far, enough time for him to think and process in the short walk there.
Patrick had one clear goal tonight. Find a man to hook up with and cement in his mind what he already knew- that he was gay. Realistically, Patrick knew the chances of bringing anyone back to his hotel tonight were slim. Not only was it a Wednesday night, not exactly a popular night to go out, but he knew even if he did see someone he found attractive tonight, he probably wouldn’t have the confidence to approach him, let alone flirt with him. He’d probably have to work up to that. He told himself that maybe tonight was just a jumping off point. A chance to wade into the waters and see how it feels, and hopefully have more confidence for the weekend, when there’d be more people at bars. Hopefully by the end of his two weeks in New York, he’d be going home with a notch or two on his belt and more understanding of himself than ever before.
Spying the name of the bar he was looking for on a building up ahead, Patrick felt jitters in his stomach. He felt like a fish out of water and he hadn’t even set foot in the place. He was certain he was going to look like a fish out of water too. That people would somehow know he’d never been to a gay bar before, or they’d think he was straight and was taking up space in a place that he shouldn’t be taking up space in, which was the last thing he wanted. He told himself he just had to act with confidence and walk in like he felt he belonged there.
Patrick took a deep breath, stood tall, and walked in. He was immediately greeted by a man behind the bar, who’s warm smile made Patrick’s nerves settle a little.
“Welcome! Can I get you anything?”
“Um, hi, yeah a whiskey would be great, thanks.”
Patrick looked around as he waited for his drink. He was definitely overdressed. The handful of people that were here were much more casually dressed. At least he'd know for next time.
The barman handed Patrick his drink and he made his way over to one of the vacant lounges at the side of the bar. He settled in, as much as he could, and sipped slowly at his drink.
Over the next hour, Patrick watched people come and go. It was busier than he thought it would be. After a while, Patrick started to feel more relaxed. He didn’t know whether it was the couple of drinks he’d had or maybe he was becoming more comfortable in his sexuality, but after a while he started to let his eyes linger slightly longer when an attractive man walked into the bar. He had tact of course, he didn’t want to make them uncomfortable, but when they turned, Patrick would let himself run his eyes over their body. Something he’d never given himself permission to do before. It felt good. Real good. Patrick didn’t realize how good it would feel sitting in a bar thousands of miles away from home, checking out men.
Just as Patrick was about to stand up to get one more drink before calling it a night, he noticed a tall, dark haired man come in and walk straight to the bar.
Patrick froze. This man was beautiful. His eyes weren’t lingering now, they were full on staring. He was a fantasy Patrick didn't realize he even had, until now. His stomach swooped and he felt a rumble of butterflies in his stomach, something he always thought romance movies made up. But this was so very real and intoxicating and it was making Patrick feel like he was frozen in time and space. No man ever, not just the ones he’d seen tonight, had given him such an immediate visceral reaction. The more he watched him chatting away to the barman with a carefree nonchalance, the more he felt an immediate pull deep within his gut to go talk to this guy. Like he was a compass and this man was north. He looked way out of his league. This man was impeccably dressed and looked like he belonged in places much fancier than this. It would be very easy to not go up and talk to him, but he reminded himself that exploring his sexuality was his main goal of coming to New York, and that was never going to happen if he sat back and people watched the whole time.
The guy was now sitting at one of the seats at the bar with some sort of bright drink in hand. Patrick figured if he ordered near him, he might be able to strike up conversation somehow. He’d struck up conversations with women he thought were attractive before, surely it wouldn’t be much different? Except he’d never felt this way about a woman before and he hadn’t even spoken to the guy.
His ex had always described him as a take charge guy, and she was correct. He just had to find that take charge energy right now and funnel it into walking up to the bar and talking to this man. Giving himself a mini pep talk, Patrick took a deep breath and walked up to the bar.
“Whiskey on ice please.” he asked the barman.
He’d barely finished speaking when the man spoke. “Ice? That’s just watering down good whiskey.”
That was quick.
Patrick's brain was whirring, unsure how to reply. The man stared at him, one eyebrow cocked, waiting for a response. If Patrick didn’t come up with something quick, it was going to get real weird real quickly.
“I happen to think ice adds to the flavor.” Patrick finally managed, once his brain came back online. It wasn’t true. That was just something he’d heard his Dad say before. He had no opinion about ice one way or another. The whiskey was never in his glass long enough to worry about it being watered down with a few ice cubes anyway.
The stranger scoffed, but there was a teasing playfulness to it, his lip curling into a smile. “Good thing you’re attractive with an opinion like that.”
Patrick felt himself blush. Having a man, and not just any man, this man, say he was attractive, was doing more for him than he thought it would.
“I could say the same about you.” Patrick replied, suddenly very thankful he already had a couple of drinks in him to enable him to give such a bold response. Are all men this easy to flirt with? Or did he just hit the jackpot?
The stranger smiled at him and Patrick’s heart picked up speed.
“I’m David.”
“Patrick.”
The barman handed Patrick his drink and he immediately took a swig, bigger than he usually would in the hope it would calm any nerves.
“So tell me, Patrick, how does someone like you end up in a bar like this on a Wednesday night?” David asked.
“Someone like me?”
“Yeah.” David pointedly ran his eyes over Patrick’s body. “You don’t exactly exude the vibe of the usual patrons of this place.”
“I could say the same about you.” Patrick ran his eyes over David's body in response. He was wearing things Patrick didn’t even know the name of. Some sort of skirt-like thing that went over his pants? A sweater that looked way too big for him but he could tell was a very intentional choice. He was certain this man's clothes cost more than Patrick’s entire monthly wage, and here he was, wearing a button up shirt that was out of a three pack.
“Is there an echo in here? I think I’m having deja vu.” David replied, smiling again. His smile was addictive. For whatever reason David was clearly interested in him and he needed to see where this was going. He needed to buy him a drink.
“I think I’m going to have to buy you a drink before we get into that story. That is, if you’re happy to sit with someone holding such an offensive beverage.” Patrick held up his drink, the ice in the glass clinking almost on cue.
“For you, I’ll make an exception.”
Patrick felt himself blush again. This man was really upfront, something Patrick didn’t realize until now that he’d need in this situation.
“Besides” David finished the rest of his drink in one go before putting his now empty glass on the bar. “I do love a story. Another cosmopolitan, please.”
Patrick tried to keep his cool as he bought David’s drink and made their way back to the lounge Patrick had been sitting in. He wanted to ask someone to pinch him. First night out and he’d successfully bought an attractive guy a drink. Was he dreaming?
Patrick sat down first and David closely followed. He was pleasantly surprised at how close David chose to sit next to him. There was enough space to leave a slight gap, but it was closer than he was used to sitting next to a man. The close proximity felt good. It felt comfortable.
“So, story time,” David said, looking at Patrick expectedly.
A slight panic set in deep in his stomach. Despite Patrick himself offering to tell David the story of how he ended up here, he'd been so distracted by David himself that he hadn't thought about the fact that telling him the story meant telling him he'd only just worked out he was gay, something he'd never voiced to anyone. He supposed he could just tell David everything. If anything was going to happen between them, he probably should know that Patrick had absolutely zero experience with men, and if that was off putting for him, he’d rather him know now. If anything, telling a stranger would be good practice for when he had to go home and tell people like his parents. And if telling David went terribly, at least he could leave and never see him again. Regardless, he decided to ease in slowly.
“Long story short, I broke up with my fiance and decided I needed to get away for a while.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It's ok. It had to happen. It's definitely for the best. She’s a wonderful person, but we were never going to work.”
“So you're in an Eat, Pray, Love situation?”
Patrick stared blankly at him. He must have looked very confused as David answered his unspoken question.
“It’s a book. Well, and a movie. A woman goes through a break up and goes traveling to rediscover herself.”
That’s basically what he was doing, rediscovering himself. Working out who he was and where this whole new part of his identity fit in.
“Does this woman break up with her partner because she’s had a late in life sexuality crisis and needs to go to a big city because her home town is way too small to be able to explore that?”
“Ah.”
Patrick could see David's mind ticking over. He was half expecting him to get up and leave. He got the feeling David was very experienced when it came to sex. He had nothing to base that off other than he oozed the confidence of someone who was used to meeting people in bars. And he was so damn attractive, surely he’d have people lining up to sleep with him. Now he knew how inexperienced Patrick would be, he probably wouldn’t want that. But David didn’t move. Instead his eyes softened, and a small, knowing smile graced his lips.
“So this is a ‘small town gay runs to the big city to sow his wild oats’ type thing?”
Patrick let out a nervous laugh. “I guess? Although that makes me sound like I’m planning on sleeping with a different guy every night.”
“That’s not the plan?”
“I’m not sure that’s my style. That, and I don’t know where I’d begin to find that many eligible men who’d be interested in me to be sleeping with a different person every night.”
“Trust me, open Grindr and there'll be plenty of men lining up to sleep with you. You’re very cute.”
Patrick felt himself blush for what was the third time tonight. He’d never blushed so much in his life. God he wanted to kiss David. And the more they talked, the more it seemed like maybe David wanted to kiss him too.
“Not sure Grindr is my style either. More like visit a few bars while I’m here and see what happens. See if I’m lucky.”
“Have you had any luck so far?”
“No, I only got here yesterday, and this is my first night out.”
David put his drink down and shuffled closer so their legs were now touching, his face mere inches away from Patricks now.
“Can I kiss you, Patrick?”
“Yes,” Patrick replied without hesitation. “I-I’d like that.”
David smiled, moving to close the gap, his eyes darting down to Patrick's mouth as he went.
“Looks like you’re lucky tonight then.”
David cupped one hand on Patrick’s cheek, leaving just enough of a pause to fill Patrick with the rush of anticipation before leaning in to kiss him. Patrick felt his whole body light up the moment David’s lips touched his. It was like electricity pulsing through his veins. Is this what kissing was meant to feel like? Is this what he’d been missing out on? Before he knew it, David pulled back. Far too soon as far as Patrick was concerned.
If he had any doubts before, he certainly didn’t now. Everything about that kiss felt right. Patrick Brewer was one hundred percent irrefutably gay.
David was staring at him, his eyes searching, like he was trying to gauge Patrick’s reaction.
“Regrets?”
“No, why would I have regrets?”
“It's just a habit to ask. That and queer panic is a very real thing, so.”
“No panic. I actually feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”
Kissing David seemed to have ignited something in him, and he wanted, no he needed, more and Patrick found himself kissing David before he even realized what he was doing. He was pleasantly surprised at how receptive David was. He wanted to deepen the kiss, let their tongues tangle, but he was acutely aware that they were in a very public place, so settled for a very light brush of his tongue against David's bottom lip right as he pulled back, hoping it was enough of a tease.
Patrick’s dick was thrumming with need, a type of directed energy he’d never felt before, and he desperately wanted to do something about it. Was it too soon to ask David back to his hotel? How could he have only spent ten minutes with this man and already be addicted?
“Definitely no queer panic, then.” David said. It was a statement rather than a question.
Patrick shook his head. “I’m very gay, David.”
David chuckled. “Do you want another drink? It’s my turn to buy.” David asked, looking down at his now empty glass.
Patrick looked to his own glass, which was near empty too, small globs of dissolved ice floating in what would now be watered down dregs of whiskey. Maybe David was right about the ice.
“Yes please.”
“Whiskey on ice?” Patrick could tell David was refraining from rolling his eyes.
“Neat, actually.”
David smiled at him before standing to go to the bar. Maybe after this drink he’d have the courage to ask him if he wanted to come to his hotel. He was fairly certain David would say yes. He was showing no indication of not being interested.
David returned with a whiskey neat and a cosmopolitan for himself.
“I tried getting you something slightly better than what you were drinking last time but the bar has a shockingly terrible whiskey collection.”
“I suppose you better take me somewhere with a better selection then.”
This New York version of Patrick was bold, apparently. He was starting to like it.
“Mm. I can do that.”
“We could finish these drinks and find somewhere else?”
“We could.” David started, hesitating. “However I have a slightly different proposition. If you’re interested.”
Patrick could tell by the way David’s eyes darkened and his voice dropped what he was suggesting. For the second time that night, his stomach swooped.
“I have a really nice bottle of whiskey at home that would be better than any bar open tonight would have. If you’re not comfortable with going to my place, it's ok we can-”
“David,” Patrick couldn't help but interject. “I've been sitting here for the last few minutes wondering if it’s too soon to ask you back to my hotel room. I’d love to go to your place.”
David chuckled. “I have a feeling my bed will be a lot more comfortable than your hotel bed.”
“That wouldn’t be hard. I feel like I’m sleeping on a rectangular collection of knives and barbed wire.”
David grimaced. “Ew. I couldn’t possibly let your first time with a man happen in such unsavory conditions.”
Patrick smiled, trying to ignore the blood that had very quickly started rushing south as soon as David invited him back to his place.
“Guess we better finish these drinks then.”
Patrick watched David, mesmerized, as he tossed his head back to finish the rest of his drink, his neck elongating beautifully as he did so. Patrick found himself wanting to run his lips up it, to find out what the stubble that spread up to his jawline felt like against his lips. Hopefully he wouldn't have to wait long to find out.
“Let’s go, David.”