Archive of Our Own

Richard fidgeted in the front passenger seat of the Aviato van. He still couldn't believe they were doing this. He’d complained to the group that after the end of Pied Piper his parents had been nagging him to visit. He was afraid, with the company gone, they would try to convince him there was nothing for him in California, and that he should come home permanently. As though not listening to Richard’s concerns, Bighead offhandedly offered to accompany him, because he hadn’t seen his own mother in a while. 

“I’d offer to go with you as well,” Jared had added, “But I think that might be overstepping.”

“I mean, if Jared’s going, I could tag along,” said Dinesh without looking up from his computer. “It’s not like I have anything better to do right now.”

“How would it make sense for you to go?” Richard asked. 

“Cause then you’ve got, like, all these friends from Palo Alto with you, it’s like, you have a life there, and all these friends… who need to go home eventually,” Dinesh said.

“If everyone is going,” interjected Gilfoyle, “I want to see your parents' reaction to you coming home after the company exploded, bringing the entire goddamn company with you.”

There followed a long and involved conversation that was mentally painful for Richard to be a part of, about the outrageous price of flights, and all the other logistics. It raged on until Jian Yang strolled into the room smoking a cigarette. “Why you always here? None of you live here anymore.”

“We’re just hanging out, Jian Yang,” Bighead said innocently. 

Jian Yang resisted the urge to sigh, and held out a set of keys. “Take van. Air out smell in desert.” He put them in Bighead’s hand and left the room.

“Air out smell in desert,” Dinesh repeated.

“Sounds like a proverb,” said Gilfoyle.

“Nah,” interrupted Bighead happily, “He’s saying we should take Erlich’s van on a road trip to Tulsa.”

“That could take up to 6 days if we’re being realistic,” replied Jared.

“We could do it in 3,” Gilfoyle insisted, and it was agreed.

Richard was getting antsy in the passenger seat. Since Gilfoyle insisted they could do it in 3 days, he would start driving early in the morning before handing it off to Dinesh or Richard for the afternoon, and Jared would take over to drive into the evenings because he was the best low light driver. Gilfoyle also discouraged them from making too many stops. The sun was setting, Richard needed to pee, and stretch, and his water bottle was empty. But he’d already been called a pussy twice on this trip, so he was trying to wait it out. 

Conversation had died down. Jared was focused on the road, Bighead was asleep, and Dinesh was on his phone, somehow immune to motion sickness.

Richard saw something next to the wrappers and other trash he dropped at his own feet. A 50’s picnic-looking blue and yellow thermos. Very Jared. Jared had over prepared, from snacks to hardy meals to band aids, there were things they might need hidden all over the van. And Richard remembered he said he’d bring tea, so he made no hesitation to bend over in his seat and fumble the thermos into his hands. He unscrewed the top, took a sip, and grimaced.

“Oh, that’s rank,” Richard whispered.

“Hm?” Jared asked without looking away from the road.

“Nothing,” Richard replied quickly, not wanting to hurt Jared’s feelings right now. It wasn’t his fault a tea bag had been left in the thermos overnight. It being lukewarm and tasting like the metal of the thermos wasn’t Jared’s fault either. 

Richard stared out at the expanse of desert. They passed another billboard for an alien themed diner. Despite being nowhere near Roswell, Richard had noticed the occasional reference to aliens the moment they entered New Mexico.

“It has nothing to do with Roswell,” Gilfoyle had insisted, “Big open deserts. That’s where they get you.”

Richard knew if he asked, Jared would give him his water, but he didn’t want to take it away from him. Plus there was always this underlying vibe when they sipped from the same drink. As if Richard had just asked to become blood brothers.

He turned further toward the window so Jared wouldn’t see his face, took a deep breath, and forced himself to take two more big gulps of the over-steeped tea. That should keep him from dying until they make it to the next rest stop.

“Are there any more twizzlers?” Gilfoyle asked abruptly.

Jared still never took his eyes off the road as he said, “The yellow bag behind you has all the candy.”

Gilfoyle got on his knees and leaned over the seat in a way that made it so all Richard could see in the rear view mirror was Gilfoyle’s ass. 

“There’s a whole bag of candy back here? You been holding out on us?”

“It’s for the whole trip,” Jared insisted.

Richard smiled. They would call Jared Mom sometimes, but he actually reminded him more of his dad.

“So…” Jared said after Gilfoyle settled back into his seat, having found a small bag of truffles Jared had meant to be shared amongst the 5 of them. “Richard, I know you said not to worry about it, but I was hoping you would give some more clarity to the sleeping situation. Not that it matters to me. I can sleep on the floor. It’s more the uncertainty that’s—”

“I told you it’s fine,” Richard interrupted.

“Hm, feels like you’re hiding something,”said Dinesh.

“I… we’re all adults, we can sleep in the same bed.”

“All 5 of us?” asked Gilfoyle, even though he knew the answer would be no.

“No,” Richard replied immediately. “Gilfoyle and Dinesh in the guest bedroom, and… Jared and I in my childhood bedroom.”

“Oh! Oh, Richard,” Jared said slightly flustered, but trying not to let it effect his driving, “I wouldn’t want to crowd your space. Like I said I can sleep on the floor—”

“And like I said, we are adults,” Richard said firmly.

“Where’s Bighead going to sleep?” Dinesh asked.

“At my mom’s,” Bighead said sleepily.

“Oh, right… that makes sense…” Dinesh said, “Why do your parents live so far apart?”

“Oh, sorry, Dinesh,” Gilfoyle cut in, “This must be confusing because your mother would be stoned to death for leaving the man she was betrothed to at birth, but in America we have a thing called divorce—”

“I’ll have you know my parents met in college and they are still together because they fucking like each other,” Dinesh said, unbuckling his seat belt and starting to get up so he could bat at Gilfoyle.

Before he could really make a ruckus however, he heard Jared’s low voice rumble, “Dinesh, you put your seatbelt back on right now.”

“I… okay,” Dinesh said, sitting back down.

“My dad got a job offer in Phoenix is all,” Bighead whispered to Dinesh.

“Thanks for actually answering the question, Bighead,” Dinesh whispered back.

“Guys,” Richard said suddenly, “I hate to be that guy—”

“Is this going to be more racism?” asked Dinesh.

“No, nothing to do with that, I just have to pee so bad, I think we need to pull over on the side of the road.”

While there was a chorus of chastising ughs in the car, Richard was grateful Jared was driving, as he pulled over smoothly and safely, but immediately, no questions asked. 

Dinesh started unbuckling his seat belt again, and Bighead followed suit.

“We don’t all need to get out and watch Richard pee,” said Gilfoyle.

“Yes— please, don’t— do that,” Richard said, scrambling out of his seat, not meaning to slam the van door behind him, but shutting with a loud clap anyway. 

“As long as we’re stopped, we can stretch our legs, Gilf.”

“This stop doesn’t need to be longer than a minute,” Gilfoyle said, but Dinesh was already getting out of the car.

“I was kinda too embarrassed earlier,” Bighead mumbled, “you know, to do the vaguely public pee thing, but now that it’s getting dark, and Richard’s doing it, I think I should too.”

Gilfoyle scoffed as Bighead got out, Jared following without a word, but stayed on the driver's side of the car to give Richard some privacy. Gilfoyle opened his door after a moment, but he didn’t look happy about it. He’d been on the passenger side, unable to avoid getting out fairly close to Richard, not that he would’ve cared either way.

Richard was zipping up his pants when he said to Gilfoyle, “You see that?”

“Huh?”

Richard pointed out into the desert. “That light. Greenish. Eerie.” 

“I see it,” Gilfoyle replied.

“It’s getting closer.”

“It’s not, it’s an illusion.”

“It’s getting closer to me,” Richard insisted.

Richard could see a mysterious light in the distance, neon green, flickering unnaturally. He stumbled a few feet toward it, into the desert, hoping to see it better. But then it moved. It rose up in the sky. 

“Are you guys seeing this?” Richard asked.

“Yeah, dude,” Bighead replied. Good, Richard wasn’t crazy.

The light drew ever closer in the sky, and Richard started walking towards it. 

“Richard?” Jared called after him. “Jared always cares so much,” Richard thought absently.

The light in the sky came closer and closer, the reality becoming clear as it came into focus. It wasn’t just a light. At first Richard thought it was a plane. Then maybe a weather balloon or satellite. Just something silver he couldn’t see well enough to understand. But as it came near, Richard couldn’t deny it. It was a spaceship.

He thought the gang was following him, but when he turned back to look at them, to see their reactions to this impossibility, they were still standing outside the van.

Suddenly Richard was bathed in light, like a spotlight on a stage. He heard Gilfoyle say in his head, “Big open deserts. That’s where they get you.”

He looked straight up. The lights on the saucer were so bright he could barely make out the details of the ship. He thought to start running, but he turned to do it in the opposite direction. He didn’t want to run back to his friends. 

There was no reason they should all get abducted. In fact maybe this was for the best. Maybe it made sense, after everything. After his friends had stuck by him through highs and lows, every big payday and every unnecessary tantrum. And even now, coming with him so he didn’t have to face his parents alone. Maybe it was fitting Richard just disappear one night, out of their lives. “If you must take someone, take me,” he thought. 

Maybe if it hadn’t been so sudden and he’d had time to think he wouldn’t have tried to be selfless, but in the moments before impending doom, his knee jerk reaction was, “Jared has already been through so much. It would be his luck to be abducted by aliens.” Richard couldn’t let that happen. Not when they could take him. The spotlight followed him as he tried to run, but with the sand and shrubs it was really more of a brisk walk. He continued to make the motions of walking as he was lifted into the air, and swallowed up by the spaceship.

He hoped his friends would be okay.

Inside the spaceship were many aliens, standing around looking at him like he was the alien. He supposed he was. There were blue ones, and yellow ones, pink and green. Their faces were indistinguishable from their hair like cartoon characters. They wore sleeveless full body silver suits, and were short and stout. They were more expressive than any aliens Richard had seen on TV, with bright eyes and button noses. Their features and bodies were soft in a way that made gender a mystery. 

Despite all this, Richard was terrified. “… Are you going to probe me?”

“Probe you?” one of the aliens asked. 

“I know… that’s a stereotype. The only other stereotype I can think of is being taken to mate with, because something something population and birth rate or whatever, but I’m assuming that I’m of no use to you for that.”

“Well, which would you prefer?”

“Excuse me?”

“Would you prefer to be probed, or would you like to mate with us?” a yellow one with long eyelashes asked.

“O-oh… if those were my only options, I guess the second one would be more preferable, depending on… Well, on how either were done…”

“Can I touch your hair?” a pink alien Richard hadn’t noticed asked from behind him.

“Oh! Uh, I mean— I’m-not-a-very-touchy-guy! —but… I mean, that’s-more-to-do-with-awkwardness-than-preference if I’m being totally honest with myself, and well! I mean with either of those options I suppose I’m getting touched, right? And-I-mean no one has actually ever asked me that before, I mean no one has had any interest in my hair. Well— Jared might be too polite to ask.”

“I have been impolite?”

“What? No! I mean honestly you’ve all been a lot more polite than I was expecting, other than the initial abduction that is. …I’m technically, caged, right? But, eh well…”

“You are in a cage,” one of the aliens further back said.

“The mind can be a cage,” said another.

“Aha, sure, I suppose, you could look at it like that. That’s… a thing,” Richard said, fidgeting, not knowing what to do or say.

“Work is a cage,” said the alien that wanted to touch his hair.

“Un… unless you like the work you do.”

“Striving for a perceived success under social conception in a money based society is a cage,” said another alien.

“I guess…” said Richard, “I guess that’s true. Because … even if you do succeed… it’s never enough.”

“It’s never enough. It’s never enough,” the aliens started whispering to each other. 

“This is very wise. You are very wise,” said the blue one who had spoken first. 

“Oh, oh I don’t know about that, but thanks,” said Richard.

The pink one plopped a metal chair behind him and said, “You must sit for me to pet you, as you are so very tall.”

“So very tall. So very tall,” the other aliens whispered back and forth to each other.

“Uh, if you think I’m tall, you should see my friend Jared—”

“Who’s Jared?” said one of the aliens.

“That’s the second time you’ve mentioned him,” said another.

It took Richard a moment to answer, as he was adjusting to the pink one pressing him into the seat, sitting down in his lap, and raking their fingers through his curls. 

“H-he, he is my friend. He’s tall.”

“He is the tall one,” the pink alien said.

“The pale one,” said another, “in a button down.”

“Uh, uh yeah. That’s… that could describe him… but… please don’t take him, he’s been through a lot.”

“You care for him,” said the pink alien. They all but whispered in his ear, and he was suddenly struck with how intimate the interaction was. Their fingertips in his hair tickled his scalp. They pressed their forehead into his and looked deeply into his eyes. 

“I… I do,” he mumbled. He put a hand on their exposed arm, and couldn’t stop himself from rubbing up and down the skin there. “You are… so soft.”

“You are soft too,” they replied, taking their hand out of his hair and placing it on the side of his face. They rubbed back and forth, and seemed unbothered by the bit of stubble starting to form.

“Soft and beautiful,” they told him.

“I… don’t know.” He bit his lip and looked downward, even now in this strange and impossible setting, embarrassed by a compliment. “So you really didn’t bring me up here to do experiments on me?”

“Maybe this is the experiment,” the blue one said.

“But what would you learn from it?”

“Maybe we don’t wish to learn, maybe we want you to learn.”

“This is a lesson?”

“Certainly.”

“Will there be a test?” Richard joked.

“Yes,” said the blue one with a straight face.

“Yes?” Richard asked incredulously.

“The test is called life, and absolutely everything will be on it.”

He knew he should be scared by that statement, or impressed with its profoundness, or something relating to the conversation at hand, but instead he found himself picturing sliding the pink one’s silver full body suit off. Part of him was actually attracted, and another part was just curious. 

Another alien approached them, the yellow one with the lashes, and breathed on his neck. He shivered and shrunk away, back to his anxious self. 

“Oh, hi,” he said to the yellow one awkwardly. “I just, erm… were you expecting— I’m confused. I’ve never done anything like this before. Obviously. Cause you’re aliens. But also with humans. Like I don’t just meet people and then… and they sit in my lap and play with my hair— that’s not… eheh.”

He started to feel dizzy. Maybe this was too much information to just accept. The control panels on the ship started to blur and all he could see were the little lights that made them work. He thought he was having a panic attack, but for some reason it seemed like he could look into the eyes of every alien at once. It was disconcerting but also wonderful, like he was one with them for a moment.

He tried to explain, “I’m human. I can’t communicate telepathically.”

“Sure you can,” said the blue one. But the voice surrounded him, and the alien’s mouth did not move. “You’ve been doing it this whole time, did you not notice?”

“Ooohh. I… You have been talking to me in my mind. Yeah…” Richard said, realizing he’d been so confused since the moment he was abducted.

“Relax,” said the yellow one. He was certain they said it out loud. And they breathed on him once again, right into his face, but this time he could see their breath. It was purple. They must have had some sort of alien power, some evolutionary trick, poison from glands or something.

But he wasn’t poisoned right away. The breath smelled sweet, and he calmed like they asked.

“You are safe with us,” said the pink one in his lap.

“That’s the wonderful thing about strangers,” said a green one. “We don’t really count, do we? Tell a stranger all your troubles, all your embarrassing moments. And then they move on, or you do. Never to see them again.”

“You are safe here,” said the blue one. “Anonymous. Free to feel and be felt. Please don’t be shy.”

“You are so afraid to dive into the depths of yourself,” said the pink one. “There’s nothing bad to want. This is a myth humans have made up.”

“You would know better,” Richard said. It wasn’t a sarcastic comment. He truly believed it. It was clear to him the aliens had such a better understanding of the universe than humans did. 

“Come to lay with us,” said the blue one, turning away. The pink one slipped off Richard to follow, and he felt quite cold without her presence. 

He followed the blue one, who always took the lead, and was so terribly beautiful to him. She had the bluest eyes he’d ever seen, and she used them to look back and forth between him and what he would interpret as a mattress on the floor. It was large, brown but shiny, and there were many pillows in odd shapes. He obeyed her eyes and laid down. It was the most comfortable bed he’d ever laid on, and the sheets and pillows felt like satin.

The yellow one sat beside him, batting her lashes. He’d never been with two women at once, let alone so many, and he wasn’t sure what they wanted him to do. But he shivered when the blue one approached, blood rushing through him, as she kneeled on the bed. She was the one he wanted most. She had long blue hair that he wanted to touch, and she was the leader, she would know what to do. 

She leaned over him, between his legs, and pressed her lips to his delicately. It was different than any kiss he’d had before. Her mouth was firmer and her chin fuller. He put his hands on either side of her face and found it to seem wider than he was expecting. It would make sense that aliens would have a different bone structure. 

The pink one started unbuckling Richard’s jeans as he and the blue one kissed. The blue one pulled back to assist with the pants, as did the yellow one, and with so many people tugging at them they were off before Richard could give it a second thought. 

The blue one took Richard’s erection firmly in hand, but he was unable to watch as the pink one kissed his neck and the yellow one kissed his mouth. Everyone was so soft and luxurious and he felt safe and held by them, but a spike of anxiety found it’s way through and he said, “I was on my way to my parents house. Will I get there?”

“Perhaps fashionably late. But everyone gets where they’re going eventually.”

“Yeah, shit, we’re gonna be late.”

“You’re parents will be okay with that,” one of them said to him in his mind. “Just like they are okay with every little thing about you. Like they always have been. They were never trying to make you something you were not, even if it seemed like it sometimes. They just want you to be happy.”

“Yeah, yeah they do… So you’re not going to kill me?”

“Why would we do that? This is so much more enjoyable.”

“I just don’t get why you’d want me,” Richard admitted as the blue one used their hands to instruct him to bend his knees.

“Why would you want us? Are we the human ideal?” The blue one asked.

“…I suppose not.”

“So, not all humans desire the human ideal. So you can love and be loved by a variety of humans as well.” 

Richard sat in that revelation for a moment. It would sound so obvious to try to explain to someone later. Language would not convey the nuance of his revelation that one didn’t have to be the human ideal.

“But if you do not embrace the unusual, if you do not seek it, you will not get it,” said the yellow one.

“It will not fall in your lap,” said the green one, who stood above them and watched. 

“Y-you fell in my lap.”

“But you could have fought us. Have you considered what you’ve fought that fell in your lap?”

Richard immediately saw himself yelling at Winnie about spaces and tabs, and cringed. 

“Go with the flow, man,” said one of the aliens, and Richard laughed, assuming they had picked up the phrasing from humans somewhere along the way. 

As he was laughing, he felt an odd sensation, and realized the blue one was trying to get their fingers inside his ass. 

“O-oh, I thought we agreed to no probing.”

“Relax,” cooed the blue one, leaning over him for a kiss.

“It’s just that it’s not really my thing, and I just—”

“I will make you feel so good if you let me.”

Richard couldn’t believe how easily he caved. But the words were so comforting, and the sheets so soft, and he was tired but pleasantly so. And it was a fact he didn’t bother to acknowledge that the words turned him on all the more. The words from before swirling in his head: If you do not embrace the unusual you will not get it. Go with the flow, man.

And then there were fingers inside of him. He was expecting it to hurt, at least a little bit, but he wasn’t sure he could feel pain on the spaceship. 

The pink one started to kiss him, and as the yellow one wrapped her fingers around his cock, he figured he didn’t have much in the world to complain about even if this wasn’t going exactly within his specifications. 

There was a warmth in his stomach, like he understood everything now. The universe, and everything in it. This was all there was. This is the only thing that matters. Not the sex necessarily, though that was nice, but the connection. He felt connected to people in a way he never had before. 

The tips of the blue ones fingers brushed against Richard’s prostate, and he saw colors. They danced in front of his eyes. 

“Oh, I see…” he whispered, staring off, “I get it now. I get it.”

The blue one removed her fingers and something noticeably bigger pressed up against Richard. He sat up slightly to look at the blue one, finding them having removed their silver suit, their blue penis visible and hard, about to press into Richard. 

“You… you’re a man.”

“What is a man?” the blue one asked.

“What is a man?” Richard asked himself lying back down. There was something like a window, a sky light, above them, and Richard could see the vastness of space above the spaceship. “What even is a man?” he asked again as the alien entered him. 

Richard embraced him, pulling the alien to him, so they could hold one another as he picked up pace. 

“Yes,” he murmured into the alien's mouth, lips so soft, tongue so warm, eyes ethereally blue. The eyes seemed so strange yet so familiar. Pleasure tingled up Richard’s spine, and he wrapped his legs behind the alien’s back.

When he could focus on anything other than the blue one, when his sight wasn’t completely clouded over by kaleidoscope visions, he noticed that the pink one and the yellow one made love to each other next to him. One of them was male and one of them was female by human standards, but none of that meant anything to Richard anymore. 

The green one still stood above him, but undressed and hard. Richard reached out like a baby for their mothers necklace or someone’s keys. He took the green one’s erection in hand and pumped it the best he could from the position he was in. The green one moaned, and it filled Richard with a sense of pride and belonging. 

“They are so different from us,” Richard thought. “None of this counts. Anyone would do this. None of it really counts.” 

The green one kneeled next to Richard’s head, and Richard got a face full of green cock, but he didn’t mind. It was almost funny to Richard. It was funny, and he laughed as he tried to lick at it with little coordination. Richard may have been unfocused, but the blue alien was very focused. He had sat back up, and held Richard’s hips, practically dragging Richard on to his dick with each thrust. Another alien was stroking Richard, and he was feeling almost over-stimulated. 

It was nice, but time was blurring together, and it sort of felt like he should’ve cum by now. Hazily he realized the blue alien had finished, as the blue one and the green one switched places. He pulled the green one close, as the connection, the kisses, the forehead touching, was his favorite part. 

Others started to involve themselves, and there were hands everywhere. It was strange how it could both be the most spectacular sex he’d ever had, thoroughly overwhelming, and yet also seem like it was taking too long.

After a long while of letting himself enjoy the sensations, not even fully present but mildly happy nonetheless, the green one pulled out and took him by the arms, lifting him up from the mattress. 

“We’ll figure this out,” he told him, which made Richard laugh. The green alien turned Richard to sit in his lap facing away from him. Richard let out a whine at the new and pleasant angle, his cock twitching as he now locked eyes with the blue alien. The blue approached slowly and politely, yet his eyes seemed to be all around Richard, haunting him. The blue one held his cheek, getting onto their knees so they could kiss him, so delicately, while stroking him. Softly at first, and then more diligent. He looked into Richard’s eyes, and for a moment Richard felt accepted and loved and free of embarrassment, and finally he came. 

“And then the whole city was flooded with rats, which was not the outcome I was expecting, but it certainly worked,” Richard told them, head in the green one’s lap as the alien raked his fingers through his hair. Some of the aliens were lying around him on the mattress, and the floor. Others mingled on their feet, drinking and eating. After they had all finished with more illicit activities, they naturally began relaxing together, and the conversation drifted to Richard explaining the entire backstory of Pied Piper.

“You made the right decision,” said the pink one as they popped a piece of cheese into Richard’s mouth. Richard didn’t usually like cheese by itself, but their space cheese was so incredible, it might have been better than the sex.

“Yes, you are very wise,” said another alien.

“I guess…” he nodded. “Is this just… what you do?” 

“What do you mean?” asked the green one.

“Mm,” Richard licked the remnants of cheese off his lips, “Do you just abduct people and… fuck them?”

“Sometimes. It depends what the person needs.”

“You think I needed this?” said Richard.

“Did you?”

Richard let out a breath. “… Yeah.”

The yellow alien giggled, and handed Richard a cup of water. She gestured for him to drink. He took an awkward sip that spilled just a bit on the side of his mouth, because he refused to sit up. He looked up at the green alien, a little embarrassed, but the green alien's only response was to continue playing with Richard’s hair. Somehow this was comforting.

“You just find people who need something?” Richard asked.

“We didn’t find you, you found us.”

“… I guess I did find you. But why? Why do you do it?”

“We want to make the world a better place.”

That struck a chord with Richard. “No, making the world a better place is bullshit. It’s not a thing. It’s all lies.”

“Maybe for you, but not for us,” said the yellow one.

“Yeah, aliens are the real humanitarians,” said someone Richard wasn’t looking at.

“Your company had to make money. You can’t change the world through capitalism. Capitalism was never going to make the world a better place,” said the blue one.

“God,” Richard said reverently, “you are so right.”

The green one leaned down to kiss Richard. He’d forgotten this alien had a beard. What a strange sensation kissing a beard was. It felt nice, an extra special unique experience. And then suddenly it felt wrong. Wrong to like it. Wrong to so thoroughly believe the aliens didn’t count. 

If he could like this here, he could like it anywhere, right?

“I could like it in a house, I could like it with a mouse,” he mumbled.

The aliens didn’t understand. Why would aliens know Dr. Seuss? But Dr. Seuss knew them. It was so obvious. Seuss must’ve been abducted. The similarities were right there. Richard would never see Dr. Seuss characters the same way ever again. 

Not that he suddenly wanted to have sex with Sneetches. …or the grinch. Jim Carry wasn’t such a bad looking guy though. When he was younger. It wasn’t something Richard noticed in The Grinch, certainly, but once at a house party he was only sort of invited to in college, someone put on The Number 23. A lot of people were talking and Richard was drinking, so he couldn’t tell what the movie was about, much less if it was good. The only thing he took away from it was that in some scenes Jim Carry was kinda hot.

“I shouldn’t have let this happen,” he said. 

“Why?” asked the green one.

“Because… because I was thinking you were so different. I was thinking… that if you didn’t seem like a guy to me, having a dick didn’t make you one. But it works the other way too. If what the owner of the dick looks like doesn’t matter then I can be with anyone with a dick.”

“And this is a bad thing?” the pink one asked.

“Humans are very attached to their sexual identities,” the blue one clarified.

“It is stupid,” added the yellow one. 

“I mean…” Richard mused, “it is stupid. Like I’ll admit that it’s stupid.”

“To love freely and without limitation is the purest form of connection.”

“I mean, that's pretty, but humans… I mean, some humans… see monogamy as pretty too. Like that’s the person, and we like them so much we only want to connect with them.”

“We do not speak against monogamy. We speak against self imposed limitations that do not benefit us,” said the pink one.

“Are you bound to someone?”asked the blue one. “Was this a violation of a promise made?”

“No, no, nothing like that…” Richard said sleepily, “it’s just. I never wanted to be with a guy… but I always thought if I did… it would be Jared.”

“You should tell Jared how you feel.”

“I never said I felt anything. I just feel… like… guilty.”

“If you do not like him,” said the yellow one, “there is no guilt to be felt. It isn’t your fault you don’t like him.”

“But,” added the green one, “you have said any genitals will do—”

“That is not what I said!” Richard whined.

“And you have mentioned Jared a great many times tonight.”

“Not that many.”

“You were worried for his safety.”

“I can be worried about a friend’s safety.”

“But now you worry about sleeping with someone other than him while claiming not to have feelings for him.”

“No, I’m not worried about having slept with someone else. He won’t care. You’re aliens for god’s sake. I’m worried that if I want this, it means I have to want that.”

“Why would it mean that?” asked someone at the far end of the room with a drink in their hand.

“Because he does want that,” the blue one said so clearly inside his head. The voice boomed and echoed through the room, but seemingly with no sound at all.

“Now he knows. Now he has no excuse. Now he must get on with his own life. Every decision we make growing up narrows our future. It is okay to grieve for the different versions of ourselves. The different college we could have picked, the different career, the 10 million dollars someone offered us. But we must keep moving forward. Aliens have limited possibilities. A girl in a coffee shop has unknown possibilities. Jared has big possibilities. Things can feel strange. Good things can be ruined. But in the best case scenario, things are still… a lot. The potential is clear, and powerful and long, and they close doors. It’s terrifying,” said the blue one in everyone's head.

“He thinks asking for a date is a marriage proposal,” said the yellow one.

“Oh, but it is, isn’t it?” said the blue one. “When you care that much for someone. When they care for you.”

“This is moving really fast. I might throw up,” said Richard. 

“Nooo,” soothed the green one. “You sit up and drink your water.” The green one rubbed Richard’s back while he did so. “You are safe here,” the green one added.

“And you are safe there,” said the blue one. 

“Yeah?” Richard said, leaning back into the green one and letting himself be held.

“You are safe with Jared. But you can narrow your choices. And then you can leave your life behind.”

“I’m sorry… are you suggesting that if I don’t like choices I’ve made I kill myself?”

“That’s one way to look at it. Or you could simply break up with your partner. Get a divorce. Quit your job, get a new one. Move back in with your parents. Move to Europe. Escape in the dead of night. Become a career criminal. Join the circus.”

“I suppose… yes, I can always join the circus… there’s always the circus.”

“Yes. Life has its problems. We will not deny it. And the world has its problems. And something being better does not dismiss its need to further grow. But you are very very young, and you are very very smart, and you are privileged, and you live in one of the most progressive places and so far one of the most progressive times, and the world is your oyster, Richard.”

Richard locked eyes with the blue one. He didn’t remember sharing his name with them.

“The world,” the blue one went on, “is your… empty page of code. The algorithm you haven’t written yet.”

“Are you telling me to love Jared, or are you telling me to take that guest lecturer position Bighead is trying to push on me?”

“Both of these came to your mind while I spoke. They both scare you.”

“Mm… Bighead says there’s room for growth.”

“The narrowing is scary. But you can—”

“I can always join the circus.”

“You can always join the circus.”

He let himself lay deeper into the green one’s arms, and stared into the blue one’s eyes. They were so strange, yet so familiar. He fell asleep picturing those eyes. 

Richard drifted awake as Gilfoyle changed lanes to get off the freeway. He could feel the car moving. His head was leaned against a window, and tilted, and the very first thing he saw was those blue eyes again, that had surrounded him, that had haunted him. But it was just Jared. Jared looking at him with concern and love.

“Jared,” he whispered.

“Yes, Richard?” 

“You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“O-oh— I— thank you?”

“They let me go. They put me back. Where did you find me?”

“… what do you mean?” Jared asked.

“I don’t… remember getting in the car. They put me right back in the car.”

“Jared and some bearded guy put you in the car,” said Gilfoyle, “Bighead is gonna take the afternoon shift today cause you and Dinesh are hungover.”

Richard still felt dazed. He was in the backseat, and Jared sat in between himself and Bighead. 

There was a long silence as he adjusted to being awake, and thought back on everything that happened. He started to smile. It was like he’d been asking God a thousand questions, and God finally spoke back. The aliens knew better than all of them, and Richard found himself so at peace to have all the answers.

“Man,” he said to Jared, “I can’t even begin to describe to you the experience I had last night.”

“I’ll bet,” Jared said softly, an awkward almost dismissiveness to his voice.

“He must’ve been so worried about me,” Richard thought. “He probably doesn’t even want to think about me being pulled up by that beam of light.”

“No, but it was amazing, Jared. It was so good. I mean, I feel so much better.”

“That’s really good for you, Richard. I’m glad you got something out of it.”

Richard started to become more awake, and more excitable. “I can’t wait to talk to you more about it. I-mean-I’m-actually-a-little-nervous— but, yeah, maybe when we’re alone, we could, like talk about it.”

“Sure,” Jared squeaked, “Yeah. I can do that. …I’m here for you.”

Richard’s eyes softened. “Yeah you are. —I mean, that came out wrong, I just mean you always are. Like— no! I mean, I recognize that you are and, like, the effort you put into our friendship. And , you know… me too, man.”

“…What?”

“I'm here for you too. Like I’m not as good at it as you, but I am, though.”

“You’re chipper this morning, Richard,” Dinesh said from the front seat almost as if he was mad about it. He took a sip of ginger ale and leaned his head against the window.

“Thanks,” Jared whispered to Richard with a grimacing smile.

“Dinesh, it’s noon,” said Gilfoyle as he came into the parking lot of a convenience store.

“It’s noon…” Richard repeated, “I guess I would need a lot of sleep after meeting aliens.”

There was a silence in the now parked car. 

“Illegal aliens?” Dinesh asked.

“What? No, I got abducted by aliens. You saw. You all saw, last night.”

“Richard, are you okay?” Bighead asked.

“You guys remember. The green light? We saw a green light, and I walked towards it, and, and a spaceship came and abducted me.”

“Richard,” Gilfoyle said firmly, turning to look at him, “You pointed out a green light in the desert and started walking toward it, and you were just walking out into the dark by yourself, so we figured we had to follow you. And then there was this shack—”

“It was more like a house,” Dinesh said, “It had separate rooms.”

“Yeah, but like an unfinished house, with no electricity or running water,” said Gilfoyle.

“And no insulation or finished walls or flooring,” said Jared. 

“Yeah, and there were a bunch of people there. You remember the people right?” Gilfoyle asked.

Richard shook his head.

“They were having a party,” said Bighead, “they had coolers and glow sticks, and that’s where the light was coming from, all the glow sticks.”

“You seemed to hit it off with everyone very quickly,” Jared said.

“No,” Richard said definitively. He refused the alternate events outright. “That’s been planted in your brains or something. I met aliens.”

“You think that’s the more likely of these two scenarios?” Gilfoyle asked.

“It’s what happened. It happened to me, you can’t just— I remember it!”

“I would love for us to not yell,” Dinesh said putting a hand to his head.

“Is this what happens to other people who’ve been abducted?” Richard continued, “No one else remembers, and no one believes them, and it’s actually like that?”

“It’s gonna be okay, Richard,” Jared said, patting Richard’s knee, at a loss for anything more helpful or more on topic to say.

It did the trick; Richard smiled and put his hand on top of Jared’s hand. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I remember. My great revelation. They gave me the answers to the universe. You can always join the circus.”

“Okay,” Gilfoyle said opening his door, “Richard’s gone fuckin’ nuts, but let’s get a move on. Everybody piss, walk around, and buy anything you think you’ll need. We lost 5 hours to that party last night and to being hung over this morning, but we didn’t have to pay for a hotel, and I think we can still make it before Richard’s parents go to sleep, so all around win I think.”

“Will you get me another ginger ale while I use the bathroom?” Dinesh whined at Gilfoyle. 

“You gotta switch to water, man,” Gilfoyle told him, “It’s time for water and tylenol for everybody. Richard,” Gilfoyle pointed at Richard, “Water and Tylenol?”

“Mm, just water, please,” Richard replied. “I really should drink some water I guess. I haven’t had much since that awful tea.”

“… What tea?” Jared asked. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Jared, I didn’t mean to say it like that. It’s just, the tea you brought sat in the car too long.”

“I didn’t bring any tea, Richard.”

“But… it was in a thermos.”

“…This thermos?” Dinesh asked, fishing for it at his feet and holding it up.

“I remember that thing,” said Gilfoyle, “That’s Erlich’s thermos.”

“Eugh, so how long do you think it’s been in here, did Richard drink 3 year old tea?” Dinesh asked. 

Gilfoyle couldn’t hold in his slow evil laugh before saying, “It’s probably not tea.”

“No,” Richard whispered.

“I knew you were high as fuck last night, I just didn’t know where you’d gotten it!” laughed Gilfoyle.

“No, no, no!” Richard whined.

“It’s okay, Richard,” said Jared, “It could’ve been regular tea 3 years ago, there are some types of mold that cause hallucinations.”

“I’m not upset that I did drugs, Jared. I’m upset that I— I!” Richard burst into tears. 

“Oh, oh Richard,” Jared patted his back. 

Richard took that as an invitation and dove into Jared’s arms, hugging him tightly and sobbing into his shoulder. “I had it all figured out,” he mumbled into Jared’s shoulder. “My revelation…”

They calmed Richard down eventually with some water, a bit of powdered magnesium Jared had stashed in the back of the car, and some dark chocolate from the candy bag, before getting back on the road with Bighead driving. 

Richard was quiet most of the ride, and was actually relieved when it was Jared’s turn to drive, so they wouldn’t have to sit next to each other anymore after his uncharacteristically intimate outburst. Bighead sat next to Jared in the front seat and chatted, and Richard was surprised to see the rapport they had apparently developed without his knowledge. 

They made it to Richard's parents house by 9pm, had all shaken at least some of their hangover symptoms, and were able to tolerate that Richard’s mother wanted to hug each and every one of them. 

Gilfoyle even kept his comments to himself as he was hugged, and then Richard’s mother kept her hands on his shoulders as she said, “Oh, look at your hair, it is just luscious. You look like you’re Gilfoyle, right? The one with the beard and the hair. Richard did not tell me you were so handsome—”

“Mom, you’ve seen photos,” Richard cut in.

“Oh, but I don’t know who’s who.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Now, you,” she said stepping over to Jared, “I knew would be handsome.” She pulled him into a tight squeeze. “Because you’re so tall, so you must be Jared, and Richard says the ladies love you.”

“That’s not what I said,” Richard whined. 

“You’re Pakistani, not Indian, right?” Richard’s dad asked Dinesh.

“Yeah…”

“Are there big differences between the cuisine of those two—”

“Dad!”

“It’s a question.”

“There’s my little guy,” Richard’s mother said, squeezing Bighead and rocking back enough to lift him off the ground. “Everybody else gets old and grumpy and you just stay wittle and cute and happy forever.”

“Mom, you’re gonna give Bighead internal bleeding,” Richard said.

“Are you staying with us or…?” Richard’s mother asked.

“No, my mom’s gonna pick me up here in a few minutes,” Bighead replied.

“Oh, good, oh good, she misses you so much. Come on everyone, come eat, come eat, you must be starving.”

On their way to the dining table, Jared gave Bighead a look, and Bighead whispered, “It used to bother me, but now it’s just kinda nice to be liked.”

After dinner, Richard sat in his bed by the wall as he watched Jared putter around preparing to go to sleep. Richard had his knees tightly up under his chin. 

“Richard,” Jared said, “I know it’s been a rough day. I can sleep on the floor if you need.”

“No… it’s fine.”

Jared sat down tentatively, but Richard didn’t unfurl. 

“Your parents are nice.”

Richard nodded.

“It was kind of your mother to work around my food sensitivities.”

A small smirk started to form without Richard’s permission. He tried to hide it behind his knee. “Yeah. She likes you. I mean she likes the guys too, but I can always tell who her favorites are.”

“If that’s true, it’s an honor.”

Jared’s hair wasn’t as well kept as usual. It had been a long day, and obviously a long night the night before, and it made sense that it wouldn’t be perfectly moosed. Richard found himself staring at it. The strand hanging over Jared’s eyes, the line of Jared’s jaw, the barest suggestion of stubble at his chin. 

“What was I thinking?” Richard chastised himself, “That I was going to charge into a relationship with my best friend because a bunch of aliens told me to? I mean maybe it is a different kind of friendship. I always thought of Bighead as my best friend and I couldn’t possibly imagine trying to date him. And he’s objectively cute if I’m being honest, so it’s not like it’s his face. He’s just… like my brother. And Jared… is not?” He could picture himself sliding his fingers through Jared’s hair like the green alien was doing to him as he fell asleep. He could picture holding that jaw and kissing Jared like the way he’d kissed the blue alien. The blue alien who had Jared’s eyes. Why did his brain give the alien Jared’s eyes? “If I woke up from a gay dream, and I knew it was a dream, I wouldn’t have thought it meant I wanted that. People dream weird stuff. But it was so clear. Everything felt so clear this morning. I was at peace. It was such a relief. What a load of bullshit.”

Tears came to Richard’s eyes again. 

“Richard,” Jared cooed, “Are you okay?”

Richard shook his head and tried to wipe the tears away quickly. “Sorry I’m being weird,” he said with the voice cracking that comes with holding back tears. “I’m just tired and hung over or whatever, and this whole tea thing is really messing with my head.”

“Don’t apologize. If there’s anyone you can cry in front of, it’s me.” He didn’t reach out to touch Richard, but he opened his arms to show he was there if Richard needed to hug him again. Instead Richard leaned against him, just for a moment. Like he had leaned against the green one. Jared may not have been the most masculine, or muscular person, but he was unmistakably male, from the size of his comforting hand on Richard’s shoulder to the broadness of his chest beneath Richard, and it felt for a moment, like he could melt back into that feeling from the night before. That feeling of safety. “You are safe there, with Jared,” he heard the blue one say in his mind.

“Heh, okay, alright, I’m good,” Richard said, moving away. “I’m good, I’m sorry. We should go to sleep.” “Jared is always the person I go to to talk about things. But I need to talk to someone about this, and it can’t be him.”

“Sure. Sweet dreams, Richard.”

“Mom, Dad!” Richard shouted as he came into the kitchen the next day. “I need— Jared, why are you here?” he said as he spotted Jared at the kitchen sink. 

“I’m just washing some dishes…” Jared told him.

“No,” Richard said hurriedly. He went over to him and started pushing him in the middle of his back, directing him out of the kitchen. “Go watch the movie with everyone else.”

“But we made a big mess at breakfast.”

“You are a guest, go,” Richard said, ushering him the rest of the way into the living room. “And turn the TV up loud!”

“He is so sweet,” said Richard’s mother. 

“Ugh, I know,” said Richard, irritated. He could hear Gilfoyle and Dinesh arguing about something, and then the sound of the movie go up. He didn’t know if it was Jared doing as he was or someone just trying to drown out the bickering.

“Okay,” he said to his parents, going to the end of the counter and back again. “Okay, okay, okay, okay.” He paced. He gestured with his hands. He tried to get his words straight. “I’m gonna tell you a thing. And it’s gonna be weird.”

“Richard, the last time you came in here in this much of a tizzy you wanted to drop out of college,” said his father.

“It was a waste of money,” Richard replied without stopping his pace. “And Hooli wanted me, and Erlich said I could move in, and I was already a way better coder than my professors. Why don’t they hire professors who actually know— …Oh.”

“What?” asked his mother.

“Nothing, I just… I realized something. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I have to talk to you about something else.” He stopped pacing and turned to them. “Okay, so the other night, we stopped on the road trip, so I could pee, and we saw this light in the distance, and then it came closer, and I got abducted by aliens.”

“What?” asked his mother again.

“Bear with me, just pretend you believe me.” 

“Okay,” agreed his father.

“So I’m abducted by aliens, and they look like Dr. Seuss characters, and I’m like, oh no, are you going to do experiments on me? And I brought up how sometimes in movies they’re looking for mates, and they were like, sure, we could mate—”

“Where is this going, kiddo?” his father asked gently. It was weird how he could see it in reverse now, that his father reminded him a little bit of Jared.

“Richard, is this a dream you had?” asked his mother.

Richard put up a finger. “I’m getting there. So, we do. We do some stuff, but that’s not important—” he could suddenly see the blue one above him, feel him inside him. A shiver went up his spine. “Afterwards, we sorta hung out. And we talked about my life. And they told me I should start going with the flow.”

“Good advice,” his mother interjected.

“Sure, but they also said a bunch of other profound things, like that I was never going to change the world with capitalism, and, like, stuff that made me feel better about the end of the company, and just… you had to be there, it was— I got it, you know? Like, like they were saying how if I don’t want the human ideal, then obviously not everyone does which is like… I can’t explain it.”

“We can never explain our epiphanies to other people,” his father assured him.

“Epiphany! That’s what I thought I had, an epiphany. … and it felt so good.”

“… and then?” his mother asked.

“Okay, so then I woke up in the car— No! Wait, there’s an important part of the epiphany. They were like, you know, if you can, uh, fool around with us… um… you could be with other…” Richard cleared his throat and mumbled, “Erm, guys…”

He started pacing again. “And that I talk about, and care about, Jared a lot, and he cares about me. And I think Jared wants to be a thing. I think Jared has always wanted to be a thing. And I felt like… like they knew what they were talking about. Like it was word from God. Now I didn’t have to decide these things for myself, I knew what to do… but then I woke up in the car, and they said we went to a party. The guys said— and I don’t remember this party. And then it turned out that the tea I thought Jared had brought was actually Erlich’s and I had drank it.”

“Erlich used to own the house, right?” his mother asked.

“Yeah, and he did a lot of drugs and it was like, probably mushroom tea or something.”

“Well, if it had been in there that long, it also could’ve just been moldy. Mold can also cause—”

“Mom!” he said with all but a sob. 

“Ooohh, come here, kiddo,” said his father, who pulled him forcefully into a hug. “It’s okay. It was an accident.”

“It’s not that,” Richard said squirming. “It’s… I was going to pursue Jared because the aliens told me to. But now that I know it was just a-a dream, or a bad trip or whatever people say… it invalidates the whole thing. And maybe it’d be different if I was relieved but instead I just can’t stop thinking about it. Like… I was so relaxed, knowing for once in my life what I was supposed to do. Whatever happened, whatever anyone thought. The aliens told me to do it.”

“…but,” his mother began, trying not to smile at her son who was now the same height as her husband but was trying to curl into him like he did when he was little. “Why does it not being real invalidate it?”

“What do you mean?” Richard asked. 

“So these people tell you— I mean, yes, I know they’re aliens, but there’s no reason aliens would know any better about your personal life. So some strangers make an assessment about your life. That could just be disregarded. They don’t know.” Richard’s eyes widened incredulously. This wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “But,” continued his mother, “If it was a vision from your own mind, then it actually was an epiphany. An alien didn’t tell you what you want, you told you what you want. And who would know better than you?”

Richard pulled away from his father, but his father continued to stroke his back. “But I didn’t want it… day before yesterday.”

“You didn’t?” she asked like she was asking if he had taken the last cookie.

“You think it was in there?” he asked. 

His mother nodded. He heard himself say in his head, “It’s just, I never wanted to be with a guy, but I always thought if I did it would be Jared.”

“Maybe you wanted someone to give you permission?” his mother added.

“So…” said Richard, “You guys won’t be weirded out if I did… that?” It hadn’t been that big of a concern to Richard, especially since he and Jared would be hundreds of miles away, but as long as he was having the conversation with them it felt fitting to ask.

“What? We like Jared,” said his mother.

“Were I to be completely honest,” his father said timidly, “I like him much better than most of your girlfriends I’ve met.”

“The polar opposite of Katie,” added his mother.

“Oh, I hated Katie,” his father agreed.

“Okay, we don’t have to roast my exes,” Richard said awkwardly.

“You know what I didn’t like about her was something I sensed in almost every girl you’ve liked.”

Richard sighed. “What?”

His father answered for his mother, “She acted like she thought you were lucky to be with her. We’ve always wanted you to find someone who knew how lucky they were to be with you.”

“Heh… so the guy thing… that’s not…”

“Oh… gee…” said his mother.

“Weeeelll. I mean,” said his father, “it will take some getting used to, but…”

“Your… happiness!— is, um,” mumbled his mother.

“That’s right!” his father cut in, “Your happiness is the most important thing. …To us.”

“You can say it,” Richard said, his eyes half lidded and glazed over.

“Say what?” his parents said in unison. 

Richard pursed his lips. “That you always thought I was gay.”

“Whaaaat, no,” said his mother. 

“We…” mumbled his father, “I mean we’ve always been open to the idea.”

“Whatever,” Richard said, crossing his arms. 

“Hey, Richard, seriously,” said his father, “It doesn’t matter what we think. And things don’t always have to be a certain way. Your future relationships don’t invalidate your past ones.”

Richard uncrossed his arms and sighed. “Thanks, Dad… I should really visit more often.”

“Oh, my God!” shouted his mother.

“How dare you?” said his father.

“It has been so long, you little bastard,” his mother chastised with a smile. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

“So…” said his mother, “Jared obviously lives in Palo Alto… so I assume this takes moving back here off the table?”

“It was never on the table, mom,” Richard all but whined. “Besides… I’m going to start teaching at Stanford.” His father gave a comic gasp. “Just on a trial basis at first… but yeah. Seems like a good next step for me.”

“You were really against teaching last time we talked,” his mother said.

“Well, the aliens thought it was a good idea, so I guess I’ve changed my mind.”

His father chuckled. “Good luck, Kiddo. …in both things.”

“Thanks, dad,” Richard replied, giving him one more quick side hug.

“And,” added his father, “Don’t worry too much about the hallucination thing. We could tell you stories—” 

“No! I don’t like any of the stories from before you were married!” 

“One time,” his mother began, “when we had just moved into our first apartment together, your father’s friend, Grasshopper, came over—”

“No! Why do you guys know someone named grasshopper? I’m leaving! I’m not doing it. I can’t hear you.” Richard left to join his friends in front of the television.

Richard crept into his bedroom having brushed his teeth already, and actually brushed his hair and washed his face for once. He hoped Jared didn’t notice well enough to comment on why he would look more put together right before bed.

“Hey, Richard,” Jared said, rifling through his bag to set out his clothes for the next morning. “Your mother says it’s going to be hot at the museum and I shouldn’t wear long sleeves, do you agree?”

“Yeah, well, we’re going to be outside a lot since it’s more about seeing my cousin than it is about museum-ing, so, yes. You don’t have to come, you know. The guys have decided to bail and go play video games at Bighead’s mom’s house.”

“Oh, but I’m excited to meet more of your family.”

“Yeah… about that… excitement…”

“What is it, Richard?”

“Well… see, um… so I’ve been thinking about this for the whole week we’ve been here. …Now that I say that out loud it doesn’t sound like that long. But, like… I feel like I had this… experience. This awakening. Oh, that sounds stupid. I mean epiphany sounded better, when I figured that word out, but the thing is, I know that I’m trying to explain this to you to justify it, and I shouldn’t have to feel like I have to justify it, right?”

Jared didn’t understand, so he just blinked and waited. He wasn’t batting his eyelashes, not on purpose, but it made Richard think of it and his stomach churned. He couldn’t decide if this was butterflies. It was somehow equal parts pleasant, and just nausea.

“Okay… so… when Pied Piper was still getting off the ground, you and I… No, this is still me, trying to justify it. Who am I doing this performance for?”

“I don’t know, Richard,” Jared said innocently. Richard didn’t know what to say to that, so after a long pause, Jared asked, “Is this about the party, and the tea?”

“No,” Richard said firmly, like he had just decided it wasn’t. “This is about us.”

“Us?”

“Yeah, ‘cause, like… you know.” Jared just waited for more information. “Ugh, I don’t know how you’re supposed to do this at our age.”

“Our age?”

“Yeah, cause I mean, I guess we don’t know it at the time, but as a teenager we could just be a total goober, and in the long run no one thinks anything of it. … but I know, we don’t think it at the time.”

“Well, maybe at 45 you’ll think, I wish I’d known what a goober I could’ve gotten away with being at 30.” That made Richard laugh.

“Okay… okay, then I’m going full high school on this, alright?”

“Okay. I’m all ears.”

“You like me, right?”

“Like you? Of course I like you.”

“No, but you like-like me, right?”

“Who’s asking?” Jared suddenly said, suspicious. He moved back into a protective stance, hunched shoulders, and his arms up, almost as if he thought he might need to cover his face. There was a sarcastic lilt to his voice and Richard couldn’t tell if that meant he was joking or not. 

“What?” asked Richard.

“What?” Jared repeated.

“What are you talking about? What are you doing?”

“Why would you ask me that?” Jared asked, moving further back from Richard.

“Why would I ask what you’re doing?”

“No, no. The… previous question.”

“What the fuck, Jared? Because I feel the same way and I’m trying not to fucking embarrass myself.”

“Oh. …Oh.” Jared dropped his hands and stood up straighter. “Really?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Richard hissed, with a sigh. “You used to tell me you loved me at work; why was this such a trigger?”

“That was different.”

“How?”

“You never poked at it.”

“… Okay,” said Richard, “I can see there are some issues we’re going to have to work through. Honestly, I don’t know how I didn’t see that coming.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I’ve got some of my own we’re going to need to massage.”

Jared’s ears perked up. “I could give you a massage.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“Sorry.”

“Maybe a kiss instead?”

Jared’s eyes lit up. They filled the room. They were all around Richard, haunting him. “Yes. Mom was right, my mind was trying to tell me something.” Rather than dwell on it, he embraced Jared, and kissed him. 

Jared acted like a manikin for a moment, but Richard continued to press their lips together lightly, hold his waist with a soft but assuming pressure, and wait for Jared to catch up. Before Richard felt the kiss change however, first he felt a large and tentative hand slip into the back of his hair, pinky on his neck and thumb on his ear. 

Make out sessions were usually a collection of kisses, but while there had been an awkwardness to Jared’s frozen posture, and Richard’s unwillingness to give up, the longer it went, the more intimate it felt to be caught up in that one firm and true unmoving kiss.  Still, after a few moments, Jared pulled away a centimeter, tilted his head, and softly pursed his lips against Richard’s, slow but mobile, a reverence in Jared’s touch that he should even be allowed to do such a thing. Jared’s hand coaxed Richard to tilt his face up just a bit more, making it easier for Jared to coyly slip his tongue into Richard’s mouth. Richard was so ready for it, and was happy to let their movement transfer from romantic to manic. He didn't want to think about it, he just wanted Jared.

A breathless minute later, Richard pulled away to start unbuttoning Jared’s shirt, which he hadn’t changed out of for bed yet.

“The aliens,” Richard said in between kisses, “They sort of took me off guard, and they made me be the one who… like— Well, I just wonder if maybe with you I could be the one—”

“Richard, Richard,” Jared said, grabbing Richard’s wrists and stopping the unbuttoning.

“You’re not cool with that? I get it, but maybe we could—”

“No, I just think we should calm down—”

“…Jared, we’ve known each other for so long, you couldn’t possibly want to take it slow?”

“It’s not that. It’s…” Jared looked around the room for some help with an explanation, but Richard took that the wrong way.

“You want to wait until we’re not in my parents house. I get that, but we’ll be here another week. And my parents wear earplugs at night—”

“It’s not that… it’s… that night… at the desert party…”

“Yeah?”

“You disappeared into another room for a long time, and some weird noises came out of that room, and you don’t remember it.”

“…Yeah,” Richard said timidly.

“And I want— please don’t take this the wrong way— I want you to go to the doctor before we start… doing things.”

“Oh my God…”

Jared shrunk away. He thought Richard was taking it the wrong way, but Richard was just grappling with the fact that things he originally thought did happen, and then thought were a hallucination, may have actually happened with strangers whom he could not see correctly. It made more sense really. Hallucinating never really accounted for the way his body felt the following days, but he figured he probably did run around doing weird things while hallucinating, and perhaps purposefully didn’t examine it too closely to avoid feeling like he did right now.

“Yeah,” he said in a high soft voice.

“Yeah?” Jared asked.

“Yeah, I’ll get checked.”

“To be clear, having something wouldn’t make me not… —it would just be nice to know.”

“Yeah, no… valid concern.” Richard stood there, shoulders tight, and eyes wide, nodding.

“Richard, I’m sure you’re fine.”

“Me too,” he said, forcing himself to snap out of it. “Besides, at least I can go to my family doctor here.”

“You would prefer to go to your family doctor?”

“Oh, yeah. She never comments on anything. And I would love for Dr. Crawford to not know about this.”

“… You know you can just get a new doctor in Palo Alto, right?”

“I’ve been going to him for like 7 years, and he has all my records and stuff. I just feel locked in at this point.” Richard shrugged. Jared knew it was uncouth, but he couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. “I guess we should go to bed,” said Richard. 

“I guess…” Jared replied. “Um, there’s nothing stopping us from… being affectionate.”

Richard tilted his head down and grinned shyly. Then he quickly got into the bed and patted the space next to him.

“Mm, let me just change,” Jared said, and Richard promptly looked away, despite having been eager to see Jared undressed moments ago. He twiddled his thumbs as he stared at the wall and watched Jared’s shadow hurry to be in something more comfortable. He felt the bed move, and then Jared was lying on his back next to him.

It wasn’t what Richard expected. He thought Jared would reach for him. But then he realized, maybe Jared was letting Richard take the lead, respectfully. So Richard laid down against him on his side, draped an arm across him, and laid his head on Jared’s chest.

Richard felt an arm wrap around him, and a nose in his hair, and heard the most contented sigh. Richard smiled and sighed too.

“Mm, one more thing,” Richard said before they could fall asleep.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to tell the guys. But it’s not because I’m ashamed of you. It’s because I’m embarrassed of myself, and like… everything about me.”

“I understand.”

“So you’ll keep it a secret until it inevitably feels like it’s gone on too long, and you start to feel like I am ashamed of you, and we get into a fight that I fix by telling everyone we know as a romantic gesture, like in every sitcom?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Great. G'night.”

“Good night, Richard.”