Chapter Text
Kylo Ren was breathless and confused when his broken voice spoke, “I’m being torn apart.”
Han Solo looked deeply into his son’s eyes and didn’t want to allow himself to hope that what he saw was something that resembled regret. It was just too good to allow himself to believe.
“I want to be free of this pain,” Kylo continued, his lip starting to tremble. “Can you help me?”
Without missing a beat Han truthfully replied, “Yes. Anything.”
His hand clasping around the hilt of his misshapen and hazardous lightsaber, Kylo brought it up, the saber catching the eye of a hopeful Han Solo. Holding it out with two hands, Han brought a single hand to the saber. But Kylo wouldn’t let go. Couldn’t let go.
He worked too hard to get to where he was. He knew that he would never be fully accepted in the Resistance. People may forgive, but they would never forget. Would he really, truly be free of the pain he was facing if he left the First Order?
Kylo Ren knew that in order to progress further with Snoke’s training, he needed to cut off any ties he had with his rebel family. He knew Snoke would never truly trust him and see him worthy, if he still had blatant connections with ‘rebel scum’ like Han Solo.
So without allowing himself to talk himself out of it, he ignited the lightsaber and plunged it into his father’s chest.
He switched off the lightsaber and time seemed to stand still.
“Thank you,” were the last broken words Han Solo heard from his son. He realised that maybe Ben was fully gone. However, as he looked upon those eyes he spotted fear and shock, as if Kylo Ren was surprised at his own actions.
Kylo Ren looked into the eyes of the man who had raised him, guilt and regret started to seep into him at the spark of betrayal he saw.
But as soon as he noticed, it was gone. The only emotion he spotted in those eyes were love.
He was overwhelmed and when his father’s hand made gentle, cautious contact with his cheek, the tears in his eyes threatened to spill.
There is no pain, Kylo Ren recited over and over in his mind to try and blank out the emotions he was feeling.
It left a lump in his throat and his stomach uneasy.
Han Solo’s body began to go limp and the hand that had grasped Kylo’s cheek loosened its grip, as Han gently fell into the interminable abyss below.
…
As Rey watched Han Solo’s lifeless body fall into the darkness below, she was reminded of lonely nights on Jakku before she was thrust into a world where the myths and legends of The Empire and Luke Skywalker were reality.
She remembers the first time flying the Millenium Falcon with Finn, dodging blasters from TIE fighters. She remembers that she felt important and worth something when her and Finn had celebrated after their success.
She remembers the first time flying with Han Solo. She never knew her family but being around Han, Chewie and Finn had made her feel like she had found her own dysfunctional family.
She remembers what Kylo Ren had told her when he infiltrated her mind and discovered her familial feelings towards Han. “He would have disappointed you”.
Finn grabbing her arm brought her back to reality, she couldn’t think straight, the words he was screaming sounded far away from her and her thoughts.
“We have to get out of here, Rey, come on!”
The sound of a blaster tearing through the air and piercing skin and bone was more deafening than the corresponding roar from the shooter, Chewbacca.
Kylo Ren grunted and fell forward onto one knee from the impact of the blow.
He turned his head sharply up and made eye contact with Rey.
He looks so broken, thought Rey.
She grasped Finn’s hand at the same time as Kylo Ren grasped for his lightsaber.
This is far from over, Rey thought.
…
Kylo Ren stumbled onto his feet, the shot from the Wookie causing more pain and damage than he originally thought.
He thumped on the fresh wound to stop himself thinking on his recent actions and focus on winning this battle.
He had finally done it. He had killed Han Solo. It should have made him feel powerful and free from the pain of the constant call from the Light. However, instead his action had just made the call stronger, reminding him of the demon he had become.
Whimpering from the pain he started to stride out of the room, into the cold, snowy expanse of Starkiller Base. As much as he hated the man, he couldn’t help but praise General Hux, in his mind, for the wonderful creation of the base, but as he felt the planet tremble beneath his feet from the blows caused by the Resistance fighters, his praise started to dissipate.
Stepping onto the snow, his foot slowly sinking into the softness, he started to stride away from the base, locating the scavenger and the traitor, FN-2187, using the Force.
This isn’t over yet.
…