Work Text:
Walking alongside Yachi, Shimizu took in the post-practice setting sun, painting the sky an array of warm crimsons and purples. Beside her, Kageyama attempted to suck out Hinata’s brains by grabbing his hair—Hinata was screaming , Shimizu noted—and Suga peered over Hinata’s shoulder to investigate his phone.
“Are you talking to Kozume again ?” Suga asked.
At this, Kageyama withdrew his hand and stared at the road like it was Aoba Jonsai before Oikawa’s serve.
Interesting.
“Yeah!” Hinata exclaimed, oblivious to Kageyama’s glowering. He jumped excitedly, in typical Hinata fashion. “He’s ranting to me about K—er, somebody he likes! Like, like-likes!”
“Ah,” Suga leaned back. He smirked, in typical Suga fashion. “Kuroo.”
Hinata wheeled around to stare at him with wide eyes. “WHA?! Why, I never said—Kenma doesn’t like him . The—the audacity —”
Tsukishima feigned astonishment. “Who taught you that word?”
“Good one, Tsukki!”
“HEY,” Hinata started, swiftly changing the direction of his outrage.
Suga cut in, “It’s pretty obvious, with the way they talked during training camp.” Hinata simmered.
Nishinoya dashed forward. “I know! They’re both gay as hell. I’ve been hoping somebody else would point it out.”
Tanaka snorted. “I swear, if I have to listen to Kuroo call Kenma ‘kitten’ one more time—”
His voice rose. Kiyoko felt something unfamiliar rise in the pit of her stomach.
“—I’m gonna commit a fucking hate crime. Not against a minority, but, like, a hateful crime. Against them.”
And Kiyoko burst out laughing, because holy shit, he’s right .
And the conversation continued, because Kiyoko didn’t have a loud laugh, not really, and Yachi had heard it before, so she only grinned and turned her attention elsewhere, but Tanaka—Tanaka turned to stare at Kiyoko like she’d just cured cancer or some shit.
She looked at him for only a moment, but the impression carved itself into her: wide, stunned dark eyes, flushed cheeks, dramatic hand clutched to dramatic heart. She tore her gaze away. No one will ever believe you , she wanted to tell him. Hot embarrassment found a familiar home at the base of her ribs.
How to make this right, how to make this right…
She had to make it even, like Daichi was always telling her to do when people wronged her. As payback, she had to make him feel the same embarrassment she did. By making him laugh at something stupid, preferably.
A foolproof plan.
The next day:
At the beginning of afternoon practice, after setting up her clipboard and notepad and making some side notes to Yachi, Shimizu went to lean against a wall. This wall was placed strategically close to Tanaka and Noya, but not close enough for them to faint from proximity to a breathing woman. They were, however, staring at her and whispering to themselves.
Kiyoko, frankly, didn’t want to know.
She stared out into the gym, where Hinata and Kageyama were practicing their quick, and Yamaguchi and Kinoshita, their jump float serves. Just loud enough for the two to hear, she began to speak.
“Why did the volleyball player become a gardener?” At her words, her half of the gym went silent. Seems dramatic, but alright, whatever works .
She took a deep breath, calming her nerves. “To perfect his digs.”
A moment of perfect quiet. Then, Hinata and Suga burst out laughing. On the inside, Kiyoko preened.
Hinata cackled, nearly in tears. “‘Yama, did you hear that? His digs !”
“I did,” Kageyama grunted, grabbing another ball. Hinata squawked.
Kiyoko looked at Noya and Tanaka, but—no laughter. Instead, Tanaka had fallen to his knees and was now staring at her with his hands clasped, as if in prayer. “Kiyoko-san,” he began. She had an eerie sense of déjà vu. “Kiyoko-san, please ma—”
“No,” she answered, and walked to the bench.
Plan foiled.
Bean (Yachi)
Kiyoko-san:
Hello Yachi.
Bean (Yachi):
HI!!!!!!!!!! WHATS UP???? SORRY FOR RESPONDING SO LATE HAHAHA
IS IT IMPORTANT MANAGER STUFF
KIYOKO-SAN!!!!! IM SO SORRY ARE U DEAD NOW??? DID THE MANAGER GODS KILL YOU???
Kiyoko-san:
It was only six minutes. Don’t worry.
It’s personal, not manager business.
Bean (Yachi):
Oh ofc!!! I figured!!!! Obviously it is hahahahah!!!!
What’s up??
Kiyoko-san:
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
The day after that:
“Knock, knock.” Kiyoko looked Tanaka straight in the eyes for this one. Maybe that was what she had missed yesterday.
Tanaka stared at her, mouth open.
“Keep your mouth open like that,” she warned him. “And you’ll let the bees in. Say, ‘who’s there’.”
His mouth shut with a dull clack . He then dipped into an unnecessarily low bow. “Of course, Kiyoko-san! Who’s there, Kiyoko-san!”
Kiyoko stared down at him. He was vibrating. Distantly, she noted Nishinoya staring them both down with the intensity of a hawk. “Setter,” she replied.
An awkward silence. Tanaka was still bowing. “This is where you say, ‘setter who’,” she prompted. “It’s an American thing. Sorry.”
Tanaka snapped up with wide eyes, forgetting his… Tanaka-ness. “No, Kiyoko! Don’t ever apologize, it’s not a big deal.” He looked at her with big, dark, earnest eyes. “Uh, setter who?”
Kiyoko cleared her throat. “Setter down. Let’s talk strategy.”
Tanaka breathed in deeply. He’d changed into loose-fitting practice clothes, which revealed swaths of his ribs and built arms. Under the fluorescent lights of the gym, his sturdy hands were shadowed and his eyes shone.
He looked. Stunned.
Kiyoko shook her head. He hadn’t laughed.
Plan foiled.
A week later:
Kiyoko had decided, upon further deliberation, to try a different style of joke. Yachi had informed her that her near-subconscious comments on the world around her often amused them. Once, she even made Michimiya laugh like the Joker being boiled alive in the middle of a lecture by making a comment about the vice principal’s wig under her breath. Humiliating for Michimiya, but definitely gratifying.
So, Kiyoko could be funny, in the natural sense. She could . Next time she made a comment, she just had to ensure that she was close enough to Tanaka for him to hear it. A foolproof plan .
The opportunity came in the form of Kageyama falling on his ass while desperately diving for a receive. Except this time, he hit his head.
“Oh,” Kageyama said. He tried to get up on his elbows, then fell back down. “Yeah, that hurt. Can I try again?”
Kiyoko rushed over, dropping off her clipboard, but Yachi and Takeda beat her to it. Sensei propped his head up and held a tissue— where did he get that? —to Kageyama’s nose to staunch the bleeding.
“Kageyama, we’re taking you to the nurse’s office. It shouldn’t be that bad an injury, but it might take you out of commission for a few days.”
He scrambled up, wincing as he did so. Takeda tried in vain to keep him down. “What?” he growled. “That’s ridiculous. I need to keep playing. It doesn’t even hurt that bad, watch this—”
Kageyama approached the metal pole holding up the volleyball net. Kiyoko held a hand to her mouth and developed a very bad premonition of what was about to happen. Then, Hinata came out of his shocked stupor and sprinted towards him, an orange blur.
“Kageyama!” He yelled. He grasped Kageyama by the shoulders. The setter blinked, eyes crossing, and one of his hands came up to cover Hinata’s smaller ones. “You dumbass! Don’t hit your head against the pole!” He shook Kageyama violently. Kiyoko winced in sympathy.
“Hinata-kun,” Ukai started.
“You need to take care of yourself to get stronger,” Hinata exclaimed, ignoring the interruption. “And you definitely need to get stronger, so I can beat you someday!” His voice took on a softer note. “Okay, Reckless-yama?”
The gym went quiet, even Ukai, waiting for Kageyama’s response. Better than reality TV , Kiyoko thought, Or a Thai BL comic.
Then, something miraculous happened. Kageyama smiled. And it wasn’t even creepy . A small upturn of the lips, but it made his entire face glow.
“Alright,” Kageyama replied, voice gravelly. His other hand came up to cover Hinata’s, and he gave the wrists a quick but visible squeeze. “Make sure to practice while I’m gone, Shoyou. Okay?” He paused. Kiyoko had to look away from his eyes, then—it somehow felt like she was intruding.
“I want to see how high you can fly.”
And then he turned and walked away. Hinata didn’t move his arms, just kept them raised. Kiyoko could have sworn that she saw a buffering symbol hovering over his head. His mouth was slightly agape.
Beside her, Ukai rubbed the bridge of his nose and muttered something about dramatic gay children, has this team even changed at all since I graduated ? Kiyoko blinked, and the world spun back into motion.
“Okay.” Takeda-sensei clapped his hands. “On that note, let’s go back to receive practice!”
Daichi cleared his throat. “Uh, should someone go with Kageyama to make sure he gets to the office? Maybe Yachi.”
Yachi squeaked and jumped about a foot into the air. “Yes, sir! Sorry, sir! Thank you for reminding me, Daichi-san!” She scampered off after Kageyama. Daichi blinked. Kiyoko sighed and made a mental note to give Yachi another pep/self-esteem/maybe-you-should-see-a-therapist talk later.
“Okay, kids, line up again, excitement’s over,” Ukai barked. “Hinata-kun! That includes you.” A pause. “Uh, Hinata-kun?”
Hinata didn’t react. He was still frozen, staring off at where Kageyama had walked away. “Shit,” Ukai muttered, then quailed when Takeda gave him a sharp look.
“Hinata,” Takeda started, placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Is everything alright?”
No response.
“Oh my gods!” Nishinoya cried, sliding to his knees in front of Hinata. “He’s broken! What if he’ll never play volleyball again?”
Azumane trembled. “Wait, he’s broken?!”
The moment of truth. “Have,” Kiyoko started under her breath. Then, she scooted closer to Tanaka without looking at his face and repeated, louder, “Have you tried putting him in rice.”
Tanaka looked at her. Somewhere in his eyes, Kiyoko could have sworn that she saw amusement. Then, his face crumpled, and he fell to his knees.
“What,” he sobbed. Tears streamed down his face. “What’s happening to me? Am I hallucinating? Am I dead? Kiyoko-san, before I die, I need to tell you—”
Shimizu turned and walked away. She needed to set up the court for the rest of the drills.
Plan foiled.
This mission required further counsel. Kiyoko took a deep, fortifying breath, and then opened up one of the best-kept secrets from summer training camp.
Managayz for Dayz: Ultra Epic Cherry Flavored Homo Cross Spike
Angle (Miyanoshita):
Idk!!!! how do you usually deal with a team member like this???? Hes started skipping every other practice it’s serious!!!!!
COCKroach Gummyworm Core (Shirofuku):
send him feet pics that’ll cheer him up
Angle (Miyanoshita):
I will no longer be taking suggestions from fuku-san
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
send him feet pics
Angle (Miyanoshita):
Aight I will no longer be taking suggestions
Frookles (Suzumeda):
srsly tho when bokuto goes emo we always just give him Akaashi
might not work in this situation but I can send you our Akaashi Keiji ASMR Compilation, if u think it’ll help
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
Obsessed with the fact that she capitalized Akaashi’s name and NOT Bokuto’s
also ur fucking WHAT
Frookles (Suzumeda):
that bitch has earned my respect ten times over
i pray for him every day
like bokuto is even more of a mess than yachi
Bean (Yachi):
hEY
THATS NOT FAIR YOU KNOW I WONT TALK BACK ))))):
Frookles (Suzumeda):
HITOKA NO FEAR I STILL LOVE YOU LIKE A SON
I MEANT IT IN A POSITIVE WAY I SWEAT
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
let’s see if this saves her from Shimizu’s wrath
also: lmao sweat
Frookles (Suzumeda):
every day i wake up and i wish you were dead
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
That’s gay
BUT back to Eri-kun
During the match with Karasuno, I gave this massive speech. I actually didn’t think they would listen to me as an authority up until that point?? But they did. It turns out they respect me a lot more than I thought they did.
My point is that
(especially since this guy is also a first year)
you should talk to him straight up, tell him how you feel about the situation
Volleyball boys are like spiders you’re more scared of them than they are of you
COCKroach Gummyworm Core (Shirofuku):
yeah thats actually so true
Angle (Miyanoshita):
Oh wow!!! Thank you for the advice Misaki-senpai!!!! You’re so cool!!!!!! You’re my FAVORITE EVER!!!!!!!
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
lol thx. Anytime, seriously
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
well as sincere and heartwarming as that was
(Fuku is rite u shuld talk 2 him)
I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR FAVORITE SENPAI
Angle (Miyanoshita):
uhhhhh
COCKroach Gummyworm Core (Shirofuku):
but I gave u my last rib at the BBQ!!!!! I thought I would be your favorite
Angle (Miyanoshita):
UHHHHHH
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
SHE EXPLICITLY TOLD ME I WAS HER FAVORITE AFTER OUR BONDING MOMENT IN THE TRAINING CAMP KITCHEN AT 2:17 AM
WE WERE BOTH ON OUR PERIODS IT WAS GR8
she said I was her favorite after I recruited her to throw a tampon into Nekoma’s room to see how that baldy kid wuld react
Angle (Miyanoshita):
I’M SORRY I SAID THAT I DON’T HAVE FAVORITES I SWEAR
also, the screams were legendary
BUT ME AND YACHI LOVE ALL OF YOU SO SO MUCH PLZ
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
all the teams started accusing each other it was great
kuroo was Convinced it was bokuto
ANYWAYS
its not my fault you don’t know how to handle loooosinngggg LMAAOOOO
stick ur entire tongue up my asshole
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
u would like that wouldn’t you
COCKroach Gummyworm Core (Shirofuku):
i have 1 question and 1 question only
who hurt u
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
my dad
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
Goddamn
Kiyoko blinked at the slew of messages and scrolled to the bottom of the chat. Clinically and with great purpose, she typed in an important message.
Goddess on Earth, Smash, 10/10:
How does one force a laugh out of a volleyball player?
She paused. Considered the people she was talking to.
Goddess on Earth, Smash, 10/10:
Hypothetically.
Perfect.
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
EVERYONE SHUT UP GOD IS TALKING
COCKroach Gummyworm Core (Shirofuku):
1. “hypothetically” which one and why????
Goddess on Earth, Smash, 10/10:
Hypothetically, Tanaka
Hypothetically, obviously to beat him.
Because he made me laugh first.
I can’t let him win.
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
Obviously.
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
well to b fair
the guy would probably set himself on fire, arab spring style if you asked him to
srsly you culd just tell him to laugh and that bitch wuld
fucking simp
Goddess on Earth, Smash, 10/10:
It needs to be genuine.
In this hypothetical situation.
Bean (Yachi):
Dw about it Kiyoko-san!!!! You’ll get him soon!!!! Sorry that none of the knock-knock jokes worked ))))):
Also what’s the arab spring????
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
Hold up gimme a minute
The Arab Spring was a series of pro-democracy uprisings and protests that began in late 2010 and spread across the Arab world throughout 2011 and beyond. It was characterized by demands for greater political freedom, economic opportunity, and social justice. The movement began in Tunisia with the self-immolation of Mohamed Bouazizi, a street vendor who faced police corruption and humiliation. His act of protest resonated with widespread frustration, leading to demonstrations that ultimately overthrew Tunisia's long-time leader, Zine El Abidine Ben Ali.
Frookles (Suzumeda):
why is it that every time I think I know more about you, you get a. worse or b. more confusing
COCKroach Gummyworm Core (Shirofuku):
bro quit talking about about the Arab Spring ur scaring the hoes
Angle (Miyanoshita):
I always find it funny when people fall over or get injured, Kiyoko-san!
Like those epic fails!
There was this one where a guy tried to do a flip with his bike over a railing and then lost track of the bike and then landed balls first on the railing and THEN the bike landed on his head!! I couldn’t stop laughing!!!
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
Eri-chan I love you more than words can express but from the bottom of my heart
What The Actual Fuck
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
well that came out of left field
lmao came
As I was saying. When I’m down I just read rly bad furry porn bc it either confuses the fuck out of me or makes me laugh
COCKroach Gummyworm Core (Shirofuku):
Perchance have u ever met Tendou Satori from Shiratorizawa
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
no???? why????
COCKroach Gummyworm Core (Shirofuku):
Good. Keep it that way.
Goddess on Earth, Smash, 10/10:
Okay. These are some good hypothetical ideas for my hypothetical problem.
Anything else?
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
Idk. I think he finds you funny and he’s just too afraid of you to laugh.
Don’t let it get you down
Goddess on Earth, Smash, 10/10:
Thank you for the reassurance. I will try not to be so hard on myself.
Is what I would say if I was in this hypothetical situation. Haha.
And thank you. I really do appreciate having all of you in my life.
Frookles (Suzumeda):
WE LOVE YOU
Angle (Miyanoshita):
YES WE DO
I WOULD DIE FOR YOU KIYOKO-SAN
COCKroach Gummyworm Core (Shirofuku):
yeah ofc we gotchu
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
anytime honeybuns ;)))))))
Bean (Yachi):
Le tus know if you need nanythign else!!!!
Fucking autocorrect
We love you!!
COCKroach Gummyworm Core (Shirofuku):
WHO TAUGHT YOU THE FUCK WORD
NAMETSU IM COMING FOR UR KNEECAPS
No. 1 Hater (Nametsu):
BRING IT ON
MY DMS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW
Kiyoko walked a few minutes (she could coat the gym floor in grease? No, bad idea, Hinata would absolutely break his neck and Daichi might actually develop an ulcer) before her phone went off again.
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
You know what
One of my team members just asked me who on the team I’m most carnally attracted to
Suzu would you send me the Akaashi Keiji ASMR Compilation
Frookles (Suzumeda):
Yeah ofc
the one of him eating spicy food or of him lecturing the team on proper hygiene or of him talking to bokuto
or the one of him explaining japanese literature
or one of the other ones
Bottom Bitch (Misaki):
All of them.
Please.
Frookles (Suzumeda):
I gotchu queen
Yachi had been shooting Kiyoko concerned looks for the entirety of practice. Kiyoko thought it might have something to do with her frazzled hair and slightly bloodshot eyes, but she was too busy coming up with new puns to be sure.
How do volleyball players stay in touch? They net-work!
How do volleyball players stay so fit? They always jump to conclusions!
Not good enough. She knelt to pick up the volleyballs for another set of receiving drills.
What did Tanaka find funny? The guy took everything so seriously, but he often made people laugh without even realizing it. Same with inspiring others—he was always trying to impress his underclassmen and earn the admiration of, well, Kiyoko, but she really found him most impressive when he was just being… Tanaka Ryuunosuke. Inherently good, giving the things and people he cared about one-hundred percent, to the point of putting himself in his sister’s debt to get Hinata and Kageyama to Tokyo.
He and Nishinoya gave Sawamura ulcers on the daily, she knew. But he was still so good .
Why was it so hard for her to make him laugh? Sure, Kiyoko knew that he had a crush on her for her looks, not her personality, but by now, he should have at least found something she said amusing.
Was Kiyoko really only good for her looks? Could she really not make someone as excitable and one-track minded as Tanaka laugh?
“Uh, Shimizu-senpai?” Yachi twittered next to her. Kiyoko started and turned to look at her kouhai, who was clearly anxious to have interrupted her thoughts. “Sorry, sorry! I know you were thinking about super important club stuff. Oh, gods, and now we’re going to fail at the Inter High all because I—”
Shimizu melted. “Yachi,” she interrupted. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry for being so distracted. Thank you for snapping me out of it.” The final volleyball—which Shimizu had been holding for an abnormally long time, she now noticed—landed in the cart with a rebounding thunk . She resolved to pay attention for the rest of practice.
She made her first move at the end of practice, in the corner of the gym at the end of clean-up. She went for the direct approach and walked up to Tanaka. He froze. She resisted the urge to poke him and see if he would fall over. “Tanaka. Do you enjoy physical humor?”
He looked like he was about to pass out. “Ph—physical?”
“People falling over,” she clarified. “Getting injured.”
He blinked. Blinked again. “Uh, maybe? But I don’t really find it funny when people I’m friends with get injured, or anything like that.” He squinted. “What’s this about, Kiyoko-san?”
She evaded the question, skillfully and tactfully, by replying, “What about puns.”
He looked even more confused. Dumbass . “Uh, they’re fine, I guess. Kiyoko-san, are you alright? I keep on telling Nishinoya about the jokes you’re telling me, but he doesn’t believe me. Is this a hallucination?” He clutched a hand to his heart. “Shit, am I even real right now?”
Kiyoko rolled her eyes. “No, Tanaka. These are your final moments. Your brain is setting off a series of electric sparks as your mortality flashes before your eyes, causing you to relive your life from start to finish.”
Tanaka’s mouth fell open. Then, he barked out a laugh. “Yeah, okay, Kiyoko.”
And the rest of what he said faded into static because, Wow, that’s a nice laugh and Wow, I did that and HEY, I WASN’T EVEN TRYING THAT TIME and What happened to Kiyoko- san? Why do I like just “Kiyoko” so much?
“Tanaka, one last thing,” she said. Because. Hey.
That’s not the kind of laugh you can only hear once.
“Do you enjoy sexual humor? For example, furry porn?”
Tanaka blinked. Several times, concerningly quickly. Then, he wheezed and fell to his knees. Wow, Shimizu thought, this time for an entirely different reason.
“Kiyoko-san—oh my gods—how did you even—YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO—who has shown your innocent eyes such dastardly things?”
Kiyoko recalled that year’s training camp, as well as the “Managayz for Dayz: Ultra Epic Cherry Flavored Homo Cross Spike” group chat undoubtedly blowing up her phone at that very moment. “I’ve seen worse,” she reassured him.
Tanaka gapes. “Kiyoko-san!” he yelled. “Who has corrupted your—”
“Tanaka,” she interrupted. “Why couldn’t I make you laugh before?”
“Oh,” he blurted out, looking like he had a severe case of emotional whiplash. “Uh. You were. Trying to make me laugh?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Isn’t it obvious? Dumbass. “So I could beat you?”
“Why are you saying that like it’s obvious! What does that even mean?” He lifted himself off of his knees. His voice became noticeably higher-pitched.
“Well. You made me laugh the other day.” She tried to get the conversation back on track from these stupid questions. “So, why couldn’t I make you laugh for so long?”
“Huh,” he said, actually considering it. Then, he visibly panicked, remembering who he was talking to. “I’m so sorry Kiyoko-san! From now on I will laugh anytime you want me to!” He bowed unnecessarily low.
Kiyoko rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Why did you not laugh.”
He got up and frowned, once again shedding his Tanaka-ness. For a moment, at least. Kiyoko recalled the Greek myth of Sisyphus. “I guess. I mean, I found all of your jokes funny. Still do.” Oh. “I guess I was just. Intimidated. Y’know?” He rubbed the back of his head, and Kiyoko briefly wondered how it felt—prickly? Soft? Also, “Intimidated”?
Kiyoko frowned. “You don’t need to be intimidated by me. I’m only a year older than you.”
Tanaka smiled, a little bit. It wasn’t quite as fierce and wild as his usual ones, but Kiyoko found herself liking it just as much. “Kiyoko, have you seen yourself? Have you heard your own jokes? Yeah, you’re hilarious. I want to marry you someday.” Okay then. “So, yeah. Of course I’m intimidated by you.”
Kiyoko stared at him. His hair was growing back. He needed a haircut. He looked. Earnest. Just the way she liked him, maybe. “Marriage,” she started. “Seems like a pretty significant commitment.”
He smiled, for real this time. “I know! That’s why I want it with you.”
Kiyoko. Cleared her throat. “Let’s finish cleaning the gym. And then we can walk home, yeah?”
“Yes—oh! Yeah!” He exclaimed, then dipped into a low bow—because some things never changed. “Please let me carry your things on the way home, Kiyoko-san!”
They walked home together that night, framed in the light of the setting sun. Kiyoko, for once, found herself looking forward to waking up the next day, and all the days after that.
Tanaka maybe liked her back for who she actually was. It was a pretty damn good feeling.