Chapter Text
The day was going to end in the best possible way, Akk was sure of that. The route to get to his judo class was quite long, and he usually used it to read or study. Classes had only started a week ago, so he had no interest in doing anything other than looking through the window. The nice weather, the empty bus, and the best music playing through his headphones were everything he could’ve asked for.
The bus stopped at the next stop, and Akk continued immersed in his tranquillity, closing his eyes as the breeze coming through the window ruffled his hair. A gust of wind suddenly brought a new aroma, subtle but sweet, and the young man smiled lightly, unable to ignore the satisfaction it gave him. It was a strange sensation, but Akk didn't feel like knowing where the fragrance came from. It smelled like sunlight, akin to the smell that emanated from his skin after basking in the sun for too long, or like the freshness he would feel after leaving the house and letting the sun warm his skin.
The bus started, and Akk inhaled harder as the smell became more intense. He intended to stay like that, calm and comfortable, until he was forced to open his eyes suddenly when he heard the fare collector's bad-tempered voice, deep and loud. This made a clear contrast with another soft and, for some reason, pleasant voice.
It was no surprise that both the scent and the voice had a common origin.
Whatever the bearer of that voice was saying didn't matter to Akk, nor did he care to know what kind of argument he got into with the collector. Akk, however, was more enthralled by the strange interest that arose just from seeing him. It was a mixture of confusion and fascination, of feeling his heart begin to beat faster and not feeling it work despite its efforts, of believing he was crazy but also in paradise.
Expensive clothes, shiny watch, sweet designer perfume, and impeccable hair combed back.
Akk just wanted to know what a rich boy was doing on the bus, nothing else. There was no other type of interest. He was not interested at all in the veins that stood out and adorned his arms, nor did he draw attention to the beautiful shape of his lips or the strange shine that his eyes had when… he was staring at Akk?
Before Akk could even react, the rich boy proceeded to repeat the question he had missed, “I don't have enough money for the ticket.” Akk blinked twice, still unable to understand the situation, and the rich boy was forced to explain further, “I only need five baht, please.”
Instinctively, Akk's eyebrows furrowed in genuine confusion and indignation while his hands clenched the backpack on top of his legs as if he feared it would be stolen. Why did he have to give money to a clearly well-off guy? What if he didn't return it? Would he have to settle for a “thank you” as payment?
The seconds passed, and both boys started a fight with their eyes; Akk frowning and the rich boy pleading with his eyes—the most insistent eyes Akk had ever seen in his entire life. The battle continued a little longer under the noise of the engine until the collector spoke again and threatened to make the boy get off the bus, and Akk swallowed hard as the exasperation in the air became enormous. Since he didn't know how to say no, he ended up reaching for his wallet to take out the last coins he had left—just the exact amount needed to pay for the bus ride home. Dammit. Spending more than planned was a situation he always tried to avoid, and now that his hands were colliding with the boy's soft hands to give him the money, all he could think about was how stupid he was; from handing him a coin and making a drama about it to assuming he wasn't going to pay him back, which was quite likely.
For a moment, just for a tiny moment, the bright smile the boy gave him was enough to ease his discomfort. Maybe he was going to return the money. Maybe Akk was just exaggerating and dramatizing a situation that was far from tragic.
Stunned by his own thoughts and that damn smile, Akk watched as the rich boy handed the coins to the fare collector, and then sat in the seats on the other side of the aisle. Akk’s body stiffened instantly, and his back began to ache from the force he was exerting. Why was he so anxious? Why was it so hard to forget about his stupid money and that stupid guy? A little later, he turned his head slightly so he could look at him and fuck; some strands had escaped from his perfect hairstyle and lay delicately on his forehead, and just below, his eyebrows were slightly furrowed while his eyes reflected the phone screen. Akk tried to ignore the rings on his hands as he wrote something or the way his thumb and index finger caressed each other when he thought about what to write.
A very deep sigh escaped him, leaving him without air in his lungs, and he stayed like that for a while, without breathing again, as if that were his only way of staying forever in that moment. Akk could recognize that sensation: that accelerated heartbeat, that dry mouth, that tingling in his fingers. It was all very familiar, and yet the ferocity of his emotions made him feel like it was the first time.
No one would generate that effervescent feeling again.
“Can I get your phone number?”
A blink was enough for the rich boy to appear in front of him with a mischievous smile. That simple gesture was all Akk needed to breathe again when he felt like he was about to faint. The question repeated itself over and over in his mind, unable to understand his own native language. In another situation, Akk would have understood why he was asking him that: he just wanted to return the money, but there was another strange thing in the boy's eyes that lit a suspicious spark of illusion. It had been a while since anyone had last flirted with him, and Akk almost took the bait. It was very easy, really, or at least he thought so; that little smile and those eyes were too powerful to believe anything else.
“So I can pay you, I mean.”
Any hope vanished right after materializing. What the fuck was Akk thinking to believe that someone was trying to flirt with him?
It was very difficult to hide the look of disappointment on his face.
The bus stopped abruptly at the next stop and with that, Akk managed to regain control of his throat, although he was not sure what to say. The rich boy continued to look at him expectantly, and his cheeky smile seemed to increase as time time went when he noticed that Akk didn't have the slightest idea of how to react.
He swallowed twice and finally managed to speak, “Yes.” And he didn't say anything else, now using all his mental strength to find his phone in his pants pocket. The reading of his fingerprint did not work even after trying it five times, so he was forced to write his four-digit PIN.
Digits that he seemed to forget when he felt the rich boy's gaze on him.
Shit.
The vibration returned to his fingers with a force never seen before, causing Akk to misspell the password not once but twice until he came out victorious after typing it a third time. Getting his QR code was much worse, and his throat was so dry that it was starting to tear. His lips were loosely parted, desperately aching for air, and everything got so much worse when the rich boy scanned the code with his cell phone, gave him an angelic smile, and took his seat again.
Even though the distance had increased between them, Akk couldn't stop imagining his face, his hands, his scent, his— He should be calm already! The money was going to reappear in his account and, even though he wasn't going to have cash for the bus, he would be able to continue with his life as if nothing had happened.
Or so he thought.
The bus continued its journey, meters and meters passing in front of Akk and the bank's notification never arrived.
Frustration was added to this accumulation of intense sensations. Brilliant. Marvelous. Akk let himself be fooled by a damn smile.
His pride was big enough, so he did not want to ask what the fuck was going on or why his five measly baht weren’t back in his account. No, he didn't want to know. He didn't want to see the face that the rich boy would make when asked for the money or what he would say. What if he felt pity for him?
He needed to get out of there and forget about him.
Akk clutched his backpack tightly and asked for the stop well in advance, and even before the bus came to a complete stop, he was already jumping onto the sidewalk to almost run away. He didn't want to know anything more about him. He didn't want to give importance to those feelings that were beginning to blossom. All he wanted was to release all that energy while exercising.
《———》
“Early again!”
“Good afternoon, sensei,” Akk greeted, trying to compose himself from the bad mood he was in. His teacher beckoned him over to come closer and a pile of uniforms scattered all over the floor was what the boy found when he entered the office. Sudden confusion hit his face and he asked, “Do you need help?”
“A new kid signed up yesterday,” he began to explain as he pulled out more old uniforms from an old box. “I need a small size for him, but I can't find any.” He tossed the last piece of clothing to the floor and added, “I guess he'll have to settle for a medium in the meantime.”
His teacher left the uniform to Akk, who accepted confused, but preferred not to say anything.
The man in front of him took a deep breath and gazed at the floor full of uniforms as he wiped the sweat on his forehead. “He…” The teacher started to speak, but his brow furrowed almost instantly and stopped for a second. He seemed to be struggling to find the right words, and Akk could even hear some distress in his voice. “He signed up late, but since he was the nephew of a… friend of mine, I didn't know how to say no.”
When his sensei remained silent, Akk decided to intuitively figure out what he was asking of him. “Do you want me to help the new guy put on his uniform?”
Akk's words seemed to throw him off for a moment, as if he had gotten deep into his thoughts. “Ah… yes.” And in a second, he was completely composed. “I wanted you to help him integrate well into the group since he is your age and is not very good at following rules.”
Akk squeezed the uniform with plenty of pressure. Great. That would just mean more wasted time. He was not patient, he couldn't keep on repeating a simple instruction for a second time, and didn’t want to talk to anyone. Akk was not the right one for the job and his sensei knew; he was aware that his best student was the one who had the worst bond with the group, that he was the quietest, the most distant. Not only that, but he was asking him to keep an eye on someone who didn't seem to abide by the rules he loved so much!
His answer was clear; a resounding no was what Akk was about to answer until he noticed his professor's tense gaze. “I don't know, sensei. I—”
“Akk,” his teacher interrupted, stopping Akk from starting to ramble and overthink the situation. “I just need you to help him become part of the group.”
It was almost impossible not to raise his eyebrows in curiosity when the sensei had a somewhat strange tone when speaking, when he could sense a possible unspoken intention. The sound of the fan was the only sound in the room while Akk’s brain was working, as he exchanged glances with the uniform in his hands and his teacher. The adoration and respect he had for him was too high, so refusing a request that seemed harmless was not easy. He couldn't say no to someone he had known long enough, much less when he looked genuinely desperate.
Akk wanted to say no because he didn't want to witness a situation where he wouldn't win, where he wouldn't be the best. He wanted to say no because disappointing his teacher at the starting point was easier to bear rather than disappointing him after failing miserably. It might have been so much easier to just say no, but for the first time in years, something deep inside Akk was screaming at him to say yes.
Not knowing what was happening inside him, words found their way out even before Akk acknowledged them. “Okay. I think… I could do that.”
“Awesome!” He responded instantly, leaving no room for Akk to repent. “His name is—Ah! He’s here,” he interrupted himself as the door to the dojo was opened. “Come, I'll introduce you to him.”
His sensei motioned for him to leave the office, but Akk stayed inside for a brief time as he looked at the uniform, his thumb gently stroking the fabric. Was he going to regret it? Why did he feel so terrible about such a harmless situation? He even had the possibility to make a friend, so why…? It was as if a small weight was enough to break the stability Akk was trying to maintain. He just didn't want anything else to deal with.
“Aye!”
The teacher began to talk to the boy excitedly and before leaving, Akk looked at the uniform one last time with disdain, as if that garment was the one to blame. Having extra work was something Akk didn't want, but he had to trust that feeling that assured him that he was doing things right, that he had to keep going. A deep sigh came out of his chest as he prepared to face the situation and when he went out and listened to that voice, his heart stopped instantly. Suddenly, the uniform weighed a ton and was ready to take Akk thousands of kilometers underground, and it actually seemed like a great opportunity. He wanted to escape, to disappear from there, to tear his stomach out because he felt like vomiting when his eyes made contact with the rich boy from the bus.
“This is Ayan,” the professor explained to Akk, who decided to look away and focus on the poster on the wall. “And this is Akk, he's going to help you integrate.”
“It's a pleasure.”
“Likewise,” Akk spoke through gritted teeth.
There was only a second of silence, but it was enough to make Akk want to bang his head against the wall until he lost consciousness. The rich boy's gaze could be felt from afar, and Akk could almost imagine the way he was smiling joyfully.
“Well, I have to clean up the office. Why don’t you help Ayan put on the uniform?” He exchanged glances with both boys with a smile. “We didn't have any smaller sizes left, so you'll have to make do with that for now.”
Ayan shrugged, not giving it much thought and with that, Akk didn't know how to feel. That could be a good thing because he wouldn't be so picky about basic topics in the dojo. But, on the other hand, it could also show that he didn't take things seriously and that was essential in a place like this. Akk's face was reflecting his displeasure and he forced himself to think differently, trying not to come to such hasty conclusions. Something almost impossible when his intuitions on the bus did not fail him.
Without saying anything, Akk pointed to the dressing room and began to walk quickly, caring little if Ayan got lost. He put the judogi on the chair as soon as they entered and said, “This is your judogi.”
“My what?”
Shit.
“Your uniform,” he snapped in a slightly grumpy tone, making Akk feel a tightness in his chest as he noticed the shocked expression on Ayan's face. He cleared his throat loudly and decided to continue with the explanation while trying to use a more empathetic tone. “You have to put it on over your underwear, but you can leave a t-shirt on if you feel more comfortable.”
Ayan only responded with a murmur and, without further ado, began to take off his clothes. Akk's brain began to short circuit, neurons exploding that left him unable to have a normal reaction after seeing skin and more free skin. It was a normal procedure, without any damage, but something was already beginning to become clear: Akk was not going to be able to act normally in Ayan's presence.
He bit his lip ferociously and swore under his breath when he saw something he wished he hadn't.
A tattoo.
“How do I put it on?”
Are you serious?!
Akk clenched his hands and closed his eyes for a moment. Nothing he was doing made sense, and he didn't know if the boy in front of him was feigning complete innocence or if Akk was the crazy one.
“Like a normal uniform,” he muttered as he looked away. He didn't want to think anymore, he didn't want to know how red his face was getting.
“And the belt?”
“Put your uniform on first,” he replied almost instantly.
Maybe it was intentional, but it took Ayan longer than necessary to put on the judogi. Does this leg go here? Where does the arm go? He asked himself in a low tone, but enough for Akk to hear.
“Finished.”
Before turning and seeing him again, Akk had to close his eyes and pray, and then responded with a sound and reached for the belt. The short one raised his arms almost instantly, without any fear, his eyes closing and letting Akk do the entire job. It was too much; the way his skin crawled when he got close enough and smelled that pleasant fragrance again, or when he got a closer look at his lips, his eyelashes, his—
Akk cleared his throat heavily, thankful that Ayan still had his eyes closed, and began tying the belt, twirling it around his torso. His hands were stiff and tying the final knot was taking him more than it should for someone with years of practice. He was afraid, very afraid of accidentally touching his skin covered by the judogi, of feeling that radiating heat more closely, of having his thoughts enter restricted areas.
“F—finished,” he muttered as he walked away and aimed his gaze at the ceiling.
The rich boy looked at his body and began to move his shoulders up and down, checking that everything felt good. A few seconds passed until he frowned and said, “I think it's a little tight.”
Akk, for his mental health, decided to ignore him and left the locker room.
He’s not only rich. He’s a dwarf And very annoying.
《———》
Ayan was a bit… particular.
“Why do we have to sit like this?”
His personality was composed of so many things that Akk didn't even know where to start.
“The belt is still too tight.”
The most remarkable aspect of his character, without a doubt, was his rebellious side and how he did not stop critiquing everything in the dojo. Only fifteen minutes since the class started and Ayan hadn’t stopped asking the purpose of each rule and would not stay calm until he could fully comprehend it. He didn’t care if the class was slowed down or if someone seemed fed up with his constant questions. He asked, asked and asked.
“Akk,” he called again, using now a gentler tone. “Why does the teacher wear a black belt?”
The taller gave him a look of frustration. “You can google that later. Now pay attention.”
“But—”
“Ayan!” His sensei called, but Akk couldn’t feel any hint of anger, almost like he was used to Ayan’s attitude. “Come here, it’s your turn.”
Without further ado, Ayan stood on his feet and cracked a smile when some classmates discreetly started to make fun of him. Akk couldn’t pay attention to his sensei’s explanation, his mind was instead focused on the surrounding murmurs. He’s finally quiet. Khan is going to destroy him! He’s too small to even knock down a fly.
Akk barely reacted when, after a few minutes, Khan skillfully knocked Ayan down. He looked proud and the roar of approval began to resonate in the dojo. I told you so! Khan went too easy on him. He should’ve been rougher.
For some reason Akk couldn't quite understand, he wasn't happy. But he should be! He should feel satisfied to see someone as annoying as Ayan being put in his place. He should not feel pity for seeing him like this, on the ground and humiliated. Akk shouldn't be worrying so much about him!
All comments ceased when Ayan stood up, winked at Khan and returned to his spot. He looked so happy, even more than the other boy, and that attitude managed to throw people off.
“I don’t think a fly could've survived that,” he spoke, barely audible but enough for everyone around him to hear.
The worst thing of all, according to Akk, was the way he always had something to come up with.
Most people seemed to enjoy Ayan’s unique reaction since it was new, unexpected and somehow charming. Everyone was talking, laughing and asking Ayan thousands of questions after the class ended. Everyone except Akk, who ended up walking away at the same time he watched the interactions happen in front of him. It was his job to help Ayan integrate into such a chaotic group, but he had already managed that on his own, which only meant that Akk failed in the only task his sensei gave him.
He was also very irritated, embarrassed and humiliated because Ayan achieved in one afternoon what Akk had tried for years: having friends.
Akk huffed loudly and began to gather his things, ready to get out of there. He was distraught with himself and was barely able to even exchange a glance with any of the other judokas. He could only head to the exit of the dojo and sigh when a small breeze greeted him and, almost instinctively, started walking towards the bus stop until his brain reminded him of an essential detail.
He didn't have cash.
If he wanted to maintain his almost non-existent pride, he couldn't ask anyone for money, so Akk adjusted his backpack and accepted his fate: walking for more than an hour.
“Hey,” that voice greeted him, making him turn around. Ayan’s hair was wet and looked so damn— “Are you going to the party?”
Although it was not the first time that his classmates had a party without inviting him, Akk still felt a knot in his heart. He had no right to feel this way when he was the one who put himself in a cage, the one who said no repeatedly until everyone around him began to give up. Being invited to parties was minimized to the point that he never heard a single word from his classmates again.
Admitting that he wasn't invited was too humiliating. “I have other things to do.” He glanced at Ayan out of the corner of his eye and fell silent when he saw him lost on the horizon.
Another thing that caught his attention was the way Ayan seemed to get lost in thought for small moments, when he would stare at the ground and suddenly smile wistfully. It didn't happen once or twice, but several times until Akk lost count. His gaze was full of so many emotions, pain and also love, peace and chaos.
It was a lot. Ayan was a lot. And he managed to conquer Akk in a matter of hours.
“What about you?” He decided to ask a little later, in an attempt to get him out of his thoughts.
Ayan blinked twice and also turned to look at Akk. Then a sigh followed and smiled, although he didn't look happy. “Nah.” He did not give any further explanations, although it was noticeable how he was struggling hard to stay silent. The breeze blew loudly and before Akk could speak, he added, “Do you want a ride? My mom is going to come pick me up.”
The breeze ruffled both boys' hair again, and it was impossible for Akk not to be stunned, his mouth almost on its own to shout a resounding yes.
Tempting, very tempting.
But his pride was much greater.
He felt the temperature of his cheeks contrast with the cool outside air and looked away instantly. “I'll walk, thank you,” he muttered without looking at him and walked away with hurried steps.
His body was about to burst and being next to someone like Ayan wasn't going to help at all.
《———》
The night was horribly bad, to say the least. And the morning was much worse. The pain that the walk left on his muscles was so severe that he had no idea how he made it to university alive. Not to mention how worthless he felt for everything that had happened to him the day before.
“Akk?” His mother asked, trying to get his attention. “All good?”
No, he wasn't fine because he couldn’t sleep even a damn hour. He wasn't fine because he couldn't stop thinking about a certain person who didn't seem to be one meter tall. He wasn't close to being okay because he felt like his head would explode at any moment.
Akk closed his eyes and sighed. “Yeah.” A small pout formed as he debated what else to say. Confessing that he acted like a jerk yesterday because he found Ayan attractive? Over his dead body. “I missed the bus after judo and I had to walk.” A slightly altered version of reality, but authentic enough for his mother to believe him.
The call went completely silent until his mother sighed. “Akk,” she complained fondly. “You could have called a cab.”
Another sigh left his lips. “I know… but I felt like walking.” Walking home at night for an hour and a half? Of course.
If his mother were there with him, she would be scrutinizing him with her eyes, searching for the truth behind his words, trying to persuade him until he explained what was happening. However, the reality was different and Akk was hours away from home—his mother would have to settle for what she heard.
“You’ve got homework already?”
“Yeah.”
Silence reigned between them, and neither seemed inclined to hang up. Akk clutched the phone and bit his lip. It was clear that his mother wanted to ask him something, that she wanted to know more and guarantee that her son was okay.
“How is it going this year?”
Akk understood the entire context of the question, he knew that his mom actually wanted to ask something more like How is it going this year? Better than first-year? Do you finally have friends or are you still being the weirdo in class?
He could say he had it all, or at least enough to have no valid reason to complain: a house, food, and an academic career with excellent grades. However, it only required a glimpse beyond the point where the sun reached to stop spotting flowers. Akk had no friends, not in judo or at the university or anywhere. He was totally alone, with no one to talk to, no one to laugh with and what hurt the most was knowing that everything was his fault. How could he blame others when he was the one pushing them away? It was complicated for him to open up and, just when someone managed to break down a barrier, fear got the better of him. What would they do if they found out that the best in class was a weirdo with weird tastes? Would the perfect façade Akk had in front of others disappear into nothingness?
“Good. It’s only been a week, but everything is fine.”
Maybe switching degrees would fix everything, Akk had thought many times, but it was pretty clear what the real problem was.
His mother was silent again and Akk bit his lip, fighting back the sudden urge to cry. He smiled, even though she couldn't see him, and added, “I'm fine, really. I’m just tired.”
《———》
“Here.”
Akk raised his head only to find Shortstop with a shiny, almost new, ten-baht coin.
“Here,” he insisted again, now using a slightly more pushy tone. For a tiny, tiny second, Akk almost saw that angelic look he had when he was a total stranger.
He snorted disdainfully and returned his gaze to his book. “I didn’t lend you that much money.”
“I know,” he responded only to sit right next to Akk, their bodies exaggeratedly close. Things got worse when he grabbed the tallest man's hand and left the coin there. “I don't have any more change now.”
“But—”
“I know,” he repeated now with a more annoyed tone, his eyebrows wrinkling in clear irritation. “It was my mistake not to pay you instantly, so please accept it.”
Maybe it was the pleading, perfect look Ayan gave him or the way his lips curled as he repeated please several times what convinced Akk to accept the coin. That gesture had managed to calm some of the stress he had been carrying since Tuesday, and it made a smile appear on his face, which was instantly erased when he noticed the adoration on the short guy's face. Akk looked away with a clearing of his throat and continued studying.
However, with one more paragraph embedded in his memory, he was surprised by a very large yawn, which was abruptly interrupted when he realized that Ayan was still looking at him. Longing, fondness… there were too many things in those little eyes and that only contributed to his heart working with difficulty. The bile could be felt on his tongue, and his hands squeezed the book very tightly.
“Are you in uni?”
Akk nodded, looking again at his from book. Another line learned.
“Are you studying now?”
Akk nodded again. Two more lines.
“Studying on a Friday?”
Akk didn't respond, hoping Ayan would shut the fuc—
“And what do you study?”
The book slammed shut, expressing the unjustifiable irritation he felt; because Akk wanted to do many things and one of them was to talk to him. He wanted to continue striking up a conversation with someone who showed interest in him, someone who, although always had a sarcasm-filled smile, did not seem to have any intention of mocking him…
It's a trap, the statement was repeated as he debated what to do. Ayan… he … he looked so willing to talk to him and that feeling had a very strange effect on his chest. He looked so interested in listening to him and creating a friendship…
It's a trap, he scolded himself again when he saw the expensive clothes, the impeccable smile, and all the perfection that was Ayan. Someone like him wouldn't want to listen to someone like Akk.
“Chemistry,” he replied under his breath.
They both stayed quiet and Akk didn't know when he was supposed to look away. That gaze, soft and attentive, was still there and seemed to intensify with each passing second. Ayan was waiting for him to speak, to do something. It was very much a new experience and one that Akk had no skill in and, for that reason, he blinked several times and returned his attention to his inorganic chemistry book.
“… and you're not going to ask me what I study?”
“No.”
《———》
“Ouch!”
With a simple and smart movement, Akk managed to knock Ayan down, who reacted by groaning. It was a common movement, a common position which Akk should be used to, but something felt different, he could tell by the way his lungs decided to stop working. For some reason, the dust around them was taking ages to return to its place, their breathings were so exaggerated that Akk could feel the way the chest of the boy beneath rose and fell, and he almost forgot they weren't alone.
It was like his body acted on its own when Ayan tried to move and Akk tightened his grip.
He didn't want him to leave.
The slightly open lips, the hand around his arm, the—
“Akk!” His professor's voice stopped any train of thought. Thankfully. “That's enough.”
Embarrassed, Akk blinked multiple times until he was freed from whatever strange spell Ayan had cast on him. Was it the barely noticeable grin what made his blood boil? Was it his soft and warm skin what made Akk crave more contact?
He coughed and walked back to his spot, ignoring the curious gazes around him. He didn't want to see anyone's face, much less Ayan's. He didn't want to know what was happening to him or why his body was reacting like that. And he definitely didn't want to know anything else about Ayan; any fact about the rich guy's life was a mystery, and it was going to remain that way.
《———》
Biology. Ayan was a biology major, a fact Akk had discovered after spending a few hours trying to find his Instagram. And now that he knew, he couldn’t stop thinking about it because the faculty Ayan studied at was literally two minutes away from Akk’s. How was he supposed to feel? He didn’t know, and he didn’t understand why he found it so appealing to be able to run into Shortstop at any moment. He didn’t like him! Akk shouldn’t be looking forward to their paths crossing, to him speaking, to him asking a million questions and…
“Akk.”
The little jump the young man made in his seat was hardly noticeable, but it still managed to make some people laugh in the back of the class. Akk had to blink several times to remember where he was and almost grimaced when he recognized that he was in organic chemistry class. And much worse: the way his professor was looking at him with her arms crossed, and a raised eyebrow only made his stress even greater.
“May you repeat the question?” He muttered, trying to ignore everyone's eyes on him.
The professor looked a bit offended by the request. “What product comes out of this reaction?”
Akk blinked again, more slowly now, and turned his attention to the board. Cycles, reagents, mediums, and Ayan — they had to give some kind of compound that Akk didn't know at the moment.
“I… don't know.”
“You didn't even try,” his professor replied, and her offended face was even more obvious, as if it seemed unbelievable that someone like Akk couldn't answer a simple question. “What’s the product of this reaction, Akk?”
His throat went completely dry and Akk's brain instantly locked up. The looks, the pressure, the comments. It was too much and the boy who was supposed to be at the top of his class, the smartest, the one who always knew how to answer everything, was unable to answer.
He was supposed to be much more, but his thoughts were focused on another much more important and interesting topic: Ayan. What was Ayan doing? Was he in class? Bored and thinking about Akk?
Without even looking at the board, Akk decided to answer firmly, “I don’t know.” He hoped his tone would be enough to make it clear to his professor that it wasn’t his day and that she should avoid asking him any more questions.
She sighed, revealing her disappointment, and turned her gaze to the rest of the class. “Does anyone know?”
Akk barely paid attention to see if anyone else answered the question. He couldn’t care less. He was tired, and everything that had been happening to him only made that feeling of guilt worse. Furthermore, he couldn’t say for sure if it bothered him more to feel that way because he didn’t know how to answer a question, because he felt humiliated by all the eyes on him or because loneliness was affecting him more every day.
The class didn’t last forever—thanks to Akk not paying any attention—and, as soon as he could pick up his things to leave, he walked quickly until he could get outside the building. He needed fresh air, to forget everything that was bothering him and try to relax. So, he made his way to the tiny park near the faculty and his beloved bench greeted him, empty and ready to host Akk while he waited for his next class.
“Hello.”
Akk almost laughed like a psychopath when that voice echoed in his ears, as if his innermost, secret desires had come to light and reached Ayan’s ears. There he was, the rich boy with a mischievous smile, ready to torment his day.
“Hello,” he muttered and looked away instantly. God, he didn’t have the strength to see him in uniform.
“Do you mind if I sit here?”
In a normal situation, Akk would have been able to answer a robotic and monotonous Yes, but in Ayan’s presence, the words didn’t want to come out. Did he mind that Ayan sat next to him? Not really. The problem was that Akk wanted so many things and none of them made sense. He wanted to hear him talk about his favorite type of coffee, but he also wanted him away from his life. He wanted to learn more about how his muscles would move when he smiled, but he also wanted to forget about that gorgeous face. Akk wanted too much, and this new feeling only made him want to get away from there.
“Go ahead,” he muttered and pressed himself as close to one corner of the bench as he could, ignoring a huge part of his wishes. The rich boy sat down somewhat close to him, though, allowing the cologne to make its presence felt. He smelled so, so—
“What year are you? Second?”
Jesus, couldn’t he stop asking questions?
Akk swallowed hard enough to be heard and nodded. It’s just small talk, he told himself, hoping it would be enough to calm him down, to stop this weird thing from making his blood start to bubble. “Yeah.”
There was silence again, but Akk could feel Ayan’s gaze boring into his face and, sunk under temptation, he held eye contact for a measly second. He was doing that again; he was looking at him with excitement, with empathy, with emotion. He was surprisingly quiet, smiling, and waiting for Akk to continue the conversation.
Fighting the lump forming in his throat was difficult. “Are… you in second year?” Was there any point in asking something like that?
A smile, almost proud, appeared on his lips. He looked… satisfied. “No. I’m in first year.”
Almost instantly, Akk’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and he looked away to the ground to remember what his sensei told him. In theory, they were both the same age, so why—?
“I had to retake a year,” Ayan interrupted before the taller man managed to say anything. The way his lips curved uncharacteristically as he let out the words with difficulty and how his eyes lost their shine made Akk feel the sadness as if it were his own. As if his chest believed the pain was his and had to be compressed to be smaller.
Not knowing what to say, Akk nodded and clasped his hands together. “I see.” Some encouraging phrases might work, but he didn’t know any by heart.
Ayan fell completely silent, and his gaze turned to the ground as he fiddled with his hands. It was like a very unpleasant thought had just struck him, like he was scratching his hands in order to distract himself, in order to forget. Shortstop was at a loss for words and that only helped Akk feel more uneasy. What else could he say to continue the conversation if Ayan wasn’t the one pushing? It was supposed to be his job!
With all the courage he possessed, Akk took the risk and opened his mouth, ready to continue the conversation.
Until a meow interrupted him.
“Hi,” Ayan greeted, now with a soft and affectionate tone. A melancholic smile appeared on his lips when the cat responded with another meow and her tail stood straight with the tip curled.
Whatever Akk was going to say was history when the cat approached him and rubbed her black fur on his legs. “Hi there,” he greeted, almost forgetting that he had someone beside him. He brought his hand out for the cat to sniff, and she responded with another meow before starting to show her neck for Akk to start petting her.
He could feel Ayan's gaze on him, he could almost imagine the smile on his face, but… this time, it didn't feel so bad.
《———》
A few hours later, Akk received over thirty messages from Ayan. Most of them were pictures of the cat.
Ayan Judo
What's her name?
She's pretty
I like black cats
Akk squeezed his phone tightly, ignoring the chill that ran through his body for no apparent reason.
Akk
I don't know
I haven't named her
Ayan Judo
What do you think of Akk?
Sounds like a good name
Akk left him on read and didn't reply. It was a trap he wasn't going to fall into. He was not going to fall into any other trap because letting Ayan annoy him was more than enough.