Chapter Text
11: 17 p.m. Tuesday, September 22nd, 2015
12 days since-
Everyone thinks there is a definable moment when your life goes to complete and utter shit. One sole event and bam, everything that once held your life together in perfect harmony is shattered, destroyed and irreparable. Your life is shit, right then and right there because of one thing that you probably could have changed, if you are lucky.
People think there is a moment where it could have gone one way or the other. A moment of a critical decision. A definable, singular point in time that made all the difference and brought you to where you are now. Where the scales could have been tipped one way or the other. When the odds weren’t in your favor.
But that’s not true. Not exactly.
Sure, everything has a start, a birth, an ignition point. Hell, you might even be able to pin-point it to one event. That’s the push, but the fall is something else entirely and that’s what people don’t understand. That’s progression, my friend. It’s that sense of impending doom but being able to do nothing about it. You usually can’t. These are the moments where sensibility and reason are gone and instinct, no matter how terrible it may be, is the only thing that prevails and takes over.
The fall is the worst though. It’s because there is no end point in the near future, no worst to get to anytime soon. You are simply falling into a depthless abyss, never quite hitting the ground but certainly never finding solace. You keep expecting it to come and sometimes you even wish for the end and try to speed up the advancement. It’s still in progress only to get worse as you fall deeper into the pit. It will always be in progression until there is no one to there to tell you that it’s over. That’s the crash. You can all imagine how that ends. There is no mystery there.
Robb Stark knew what event caused his push, but his steady fall was all on him, all his fault. He wasn’t that ignorant to deny it. He kept perpetuating it and he could-would admit that. The funny thing? He didn’t care anymore. If anything, Robb began to realize that maybe he wasn’t falling, but continuously pushing himself. He was pushing himself into this place and kept pushing. It was almost a game to see how low Robb could sink. With falling there was no control, but pushing though, it was all in Robb’s hands. He had the control, the power, to do as he pleased. Robb was beginning to find out that he liked the control over his own destruction. There was irony in that somewhere if he looked hard enough.
So on a murky Tuesday night, Robb drowned himself on his fifth beer and stayed in his safe little corner where he could be alone in the crowded house. There he could see everyone and not have to interact with a soul. He didn’t know whose house this was, he had only heard about the party in passing, but the owners didn’t seem to mind Robb’s lackluster added company. He doubted anyone even noticed his presence. He personally preferred it that way. He didn’t come to this party to make friends or talk to random people. Socializing was not on his agenda. He only needed one thing out of that night. One very important thing.
His reason for being that the party wasn’t the alcohol or the people, he could get that anywhere, but the fact that it was blissfully loud in the house, which was a lacking entity in his current living situation. The noise was good, great, wonderful. It meant that he couldn’t hear himself think. The voice in his head was getting annoying. The loudness crowded out his thoughts and left him blank. Thinking is what ruined him. A few beers and maybe a pack of cigarettes would not be his end; thinking would. But tonight, he felt even more compelled to prove that point. Who was going to stop him anyways? He was alone.
Robb fumbled with his pocket to find his pack of Marlboro smokes and numbly tumbled outside to the patio. It was quieter out there in the cold and Robb decided he wouldn’t stay long. He’d smoke a stick and get back to the thunderous heaven. He could already distantly hear the sobs remerge. He couldn’t tell if they were a memory or a suggestion, but one thing was clear: he needed to be quick and get back inside to drown out that sound.
He hastily took out a cigarette as the cold bit at his finger tip and nose. It was only September and winter was already well on its way. Robb shoved the pack into his pocket harshly and held the lone cigarette in his hand under intense scrutiny. They looked harmless and Robb knew from the years of public schooling that they weren’t. Hell, they didn’t even taste good. He just knew he felt better when he had one. It was the smell, really. He only had picked up smoking recently. It was something his da-
No.
No thinking about that.
That’s why he had come to this inane party of strangers. It was so he didn’t have to think about that for one fucking minute. It seemed to be all he thought about in the past week and it was wearing his mind thin. He’d rather feel numb.
Robb knew he should have stayed inside where he wasn’t able to hear himself think and go down the rabbit hole for the hundredth time. But the pulling urge for a cigarette was too much. Hopefully the smoke would help him stop thinking.
Robb patted his pockets for his plastic green Bic lighter and cursed softly after coming up empty handed. He must have forgotten the light in another pair of pants. Now he was just the idiot standing outside in the cold with an unlit cigarette in hand and the beginnings of a migraine. The urge to drown his problems in nicotine, smoke and ash was overwhelming now. Robb glared at the cigarette in his hand, like it was to blame for his lack of light.
“Here.”
Someone was holding out a zippo for him, its flame dancing inches from his face. The lighter was stainless steel, shiny, and very well maintained, especially considering how old it looked. Definitely not a product of his own generation. Robb would have probably found more interest in examining it if he didn’t feel the itch to inundate himself in smoke. Robb chided himself to stop thinking as he leaned forward with the cigarette in his mouth and the frost biting his cheeks. The zippo’s flame licked the tip of his cigarette and the radiating warm thawed his nose and cheeks.
“You look a bit out of place here.” The zippo lending voice was speaking again.
“So?” Rob spat out as he puffed on his now lit cigarette. He leaned further back from the zippo voice. He breathed out and watched the smoke drift away and dissolved into the air. Robb envied it briefly.
“Just curious.” The man, he was definitely a male with some more feminine features, shrugged as he lit his own hand-rolled cigarette with his zippo before flicking it shut artfully and tucking it in his pocket once more.
“Don’t be,” Robb bit out a tad meaner than he had initially meant but at this point he gave little to no shit. He already got what he wanted from the man; anything else was just excessive and for fun. At least the man could distract him from his thoughts momentarily while he smoked.
“Angry, huh?” The man kept fucking talking with amusing riding his voice. It was grating.
“You got something better to do?” Robb countered him, turning fully to glare at the man and getting a good look at him for the first time. He hadn’t cared to before.
Dark was the first and maybe only word to describe the man before him. Dark hair, dark clothes, dark smile, and dark, soulless, unreadable eyes. He was attractive. A dark and seductive force. Exactly the opposite type of person Robb would normally associate himself with. In gender and in personality. Something about that made his cock twitch. Perfect. New experiences snuffed out old memories and Robb had little use for those anymore. What good is the past when it was dead and gone?
“Nope.” The man seemed to get Robb didn’t want to talk as he blew out a ring of smoke with dancing black eyes. They were laughing at Robb, the man’s eyes.
The smoke hit Robb and he knew that it was not cigarette smoke. Robb could deduct that much. He had smelt something like that once before at a party he had attended with Jon when they were still in high school a few years back. Jon had said it was weed but Robb and Jon had never tired the stuff so they weren’t a hundred percent sure.
“It’s weed, chill.” The man rolled his black-hole eyes at Robb, confirming what Robb had suspected. “No need to panic.”
“I wasn’t panicking.” Robb tried to show the stranger before him that he was the image of calm, chill, and collected. The man didn’t seem to buy it as the corners of his dark lips turned up.
“Really?” The man was smiling like a shark at Robb. Robb found that he rather liked it. His cock twitched again. Robb silently dared the man to continue. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to fuck this man or fight him at this point. Both sounded rather appealing. The man was both annoying and appealing but Robb wasn’t sure which the man was more of.
“Shut the fuck up,” Robb grumbled as he tossed his half-finished cigarette into the birdbath that was already overflowing with butts.
Robb began to walk away when the man held out the joint in his path. “Want to try?”
He stared at it for a long time. He had never done anything like that before. Drinking and smoking cigarettes was one thing and kind of a drug in their own respect, but this was an actual illegal drug. He swallowed and looked nervous. The man read this and withdrew his hand.
“No pressure.” He winked as he wrapped his pretty pink lips around the joint and inhaled. The man then opened his mouth and let the smoke flood out.
Robb was entranced by the way the smoke poured out of the man’s pretty mouth. It oozed and pooled like a liquid with no effort coming from the dark stranger. It looked like water or something thicker like blood. But it still contained its weightless quality of smoke. The man made unwavering eye contact with Robb the entire time. It was like he was daring Robb to try it but at the same time was just curious to see if he would partake. Robb made his decision and held out his hand.
He spent far too much of his youth following the rules and being a good son and older brother, the role model and example for the others. It was about time he caught up on living his life, especially in light of recent events. He was in his twenties. Robb was supposed to be getting into crazy shit and let’s be real, smoking weed wasn’t that crazy. It was the start to a new life. Robb needed to live a little. He was too young to be focusing on dark truths and adult life. He never got to be a kid. Now was his chance to make that up. Death put things into perspective and Robb wanted to actually live his life before it was all over.
The man looked indifferent on Robb’s decision and passed the joint casually. Robb gripped it awkwardly in his fingers before slotting it between his index and middle finger. Robb had never smoked weed before but he wasn’t going to let the man think he was completely innocent. Robb smoked it like a cigarette, expecting more of the same but the man stopped him before the joint touched his lips.
“Hold it in your lungs.” He was closer than before and was whispering airily in Robb’s ear, warming it with his breath. “Hold it like this.” The man’s long narrow fingers were on Robb’s, fixing the grip to have him holding it in a pinch between his index and thumb.
Excitement scurried up Robb’s back and he shivered as it traveled back down. Robb watched the man’s hands with interest. His fingers were long, nimble and moved with ease. Robb felt himself become curious about what the man could do with those dexterous fingers. His arousal only grew.
When the man removed his hand, Robb took the joint to his mouth again. He did as he had been instructed and coughed on the exhale, tasting thick ash on his tongue. The man chuckled lowly as he took the joint back.
“Shut it,” Robb hissed in between coughs.
“First time, huh?” The man’s black eyes were dancing with challenge.
“That a problem?” Robb sneered combatively.
“Is everything a fight with you?” The man was smirking deeply like he was on the verge of laughing but trying to keep it all in. Robb felt both the need to kiss and punch the smile off the man. He wasn’t sure what he wanted more. Again, both sounded like a tempting offer.
The man took another hit before letting the smoke fall out of his mouth like a waterfall again. He held out the joint and Robb took it again. Robb almost felt a desperate needed to show the man he could do it as he stuck it to his mouth again. He wanted to prove his right to be standing next to him at this party, that he was worth taking interest of. He smiled victoriously when he exhaled with no coughing, like it was a crowning achievement. The man rolled his eyes and took the joint back. The two smoked in peace for a while, talking with their causally glances but little else.
Robb, in that time, decided that he rather liked weed. He couldn’t hear anything except for the man’s taunting voice and it was nice and soothing. He liked the black eyed man’s voice. It was different than any other voice speaking in his head. It was loud, charming, and distracting. Three things Robb frantically desired and this man was offering it all for free.
Once they got to the end of their shared joint, the man pushed against the wall and gave Robb the last of it. Robb could barely hold it between his fingers and managed to take another hit before dropping it in the birdbath with the rest of the discarded butts. The man left without a word and Robb shrugged, trying to feel indifferent on the matter. He wasn’t expecting a lifelong friendship there, maybe something a bit more sexual, but there were plenty of other people at this party for Robb to partake in now that he found himself falling into the mood. Plus, the furthest Robb had ever been with a man was kept to kissing and minor groping. A girl would be a safer and more secure bet to get rid of his growing arousal. He could simply just think of the man. Robb felt confident in his skills in remembering the man’s dark, absorbing eyes and long fingers.
He didn’t expect for the man to come back though, and definitely not with two beers in tow. The man silently passed one to Robb. He resumed his position beside Robb, leaning against the wall, before letting his feet slid out from beneath him and he, in turn, slid down the wall to the ground, his legs bent at the knees and his beer cradled between them. He looked up at Robb with glistening night sky eyes.
Robb felt the urge to join him and tried to mimic the man, sliding down as well but with much less grace in his execution. The man said nothing verbally but his crocodile smile and shining eyes said much more.
“How’d you find yourself here?” the man asked after a few breathes of silence. Robb was beginning to think that the man couldn’t stand silence and for once, Robb was thankful. He usually hated, or had a strong dislike for, people who couldn’t appreciate silence but right now he couldn’t stand the silence either. It allowed for far too much thinking and this man did have a wondrous voice Robb could be content in drowning in. At least there would always be the promise of distraction and blissful noise.
“Friend of a friend type thing,” Robb lied. He never lied as a kid and even as a teenager, but he found himself doing that more and more. He was catching up on that part of his childhood as well. It was kind of like a game. Who would, or would care to, catch him in the lie? There was a certain thrill in that. It was like dancing along the edge of a pit. He could fall at any moment, but not yet.
“Which friend of a friend?” The man was leaning closer to Robb and Robb couldn’t help but lean toward him as well. He was warm, it was cold out, and he still smelt like sweet smoke and distractions.
“Does it matter?”
“’Suppose not,” the man hummed as he leaned his head back against the wall, his eyes closed. “You really don’t look like you belong here.”
“And you do?” Robb shot back almost teasingly. The man opened one eye and smirked. He clearly liked this game they were playing. Robb did too. He felt himself harden with each passing second in the man’s company. He wasn’t sure if it was the man, the alcohol, or the weed. Maybe a sweet mixture of all three. Weed was supposed to be an aphrodisiac but Robb didn’t have the experience to know if that was true. There were too many factors. Robb would have to test this hypothesis multiple times. Robb was beginning to forget why he had come to this party in the first place.
“I’d like to think I have a bit more standing at these things than you. I look like I fit in. You don’t.”
“Why?” He felt like a child for asking.
The man didn’t answer and chose to shrug off the question. His eyes traced Robb’s figure. “You got a name?”
“Do you really care to know my name?”
Robb leaned his head back against the wall as well, opting to look at the ink black sky that matched the man’s eyes perfectly as Robb’s hand clumsily landed on the guy’s thigh. He almost second-guessed himself and removed it but threw that thought out and reaffirmed his stance. If he wanted to make progress with this, he couldn’t back out. There was something about drinking, or the weed, or the man that made Robb take the extra step he normally wouldn’t have be daring enough to take but he was very grateful for the motivator regardless.
The man looked at Robb’s hand with laughing eyes before letting out a chuckle himself. Normally, Robb would have felt himself curl up in embarrassment but the drinking, the smoking, and the weed seemed to have dulled his sense of caring. There was something about that man that allowed Robb to feel confident. Maybe it was the anonymity of it all. He was about to move his hand away when the man grabbed Robb’s hand and moved it up to his crotch teasingly.
“I couldn’t give less of a fuck of what your name is.” The words were hot and moist on the shell of Robb’s ear. Robb could feel that the guy was half hard, just like himself. “Come.” The man stood up abruptly.
Robb felt cold now and stood up as well, chasing the heat. He wanted to be warm, numb and to forget. The man was his key to that. He just had to follow him blindly.
The man opened the sliding door and the music came crashing into Robb’s ears. All he could focus on was the drumming beats and the man walking in front of him, navigating through the crowds. He followed quickly to not lose him in the crowd as the man guided them up the stairs, opening a door. He walked in without checking the inside and Robb followed, closing the door behind him.
Robb barely saw any of the room. The minute the door closed it was dark and the man’s lips were on his own.
He had crushed Robb against the door, leaving no room for escape. The stranger crowded him like a small animal which only elicited more anticipation in Robb. Robb liked it very much and clung onto the man desperately, balling parts of the man’s dark shirt in his fists. He was being smothered by the man, suffocated by his lips and Robb craved every second of it greedily.
There was nothing nice about the kiss though. Nothing nice at all. It was bitter, hard, and painful. Their teeth clacking together, lips were being bitten and swollen, and tongues were fighting urgently. Robb vaguely thought he could taste the iron of blood. It was the type of kiss Robb usually avoided because he thought himself a gentleman (or he used to), but he wanted it now, craved it right then and there, needed it in that moment. The faster the man consumed him, the faster Robb would come to completion. This man held his answers. Robb just needed to ask the right questions.
The man pulled away roughly, taking a little bit of Robb with him, and pushed Robb to his knees commandingly. Robb obeyed willingly and came face to face with the man’s bulging jeans. Robb may not have been experienced in this particular form of sex, but it was clear what the man wanted and what Robb was going to do next. Robb would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous as all hell, but somehow the joint had allowed much of that to wash away.
His fingers fumbled with the zipper as he tried to free the man. He hastily opened the zipper and pulled down the pants and boxers rushed. Robb swallowed as the man’s very hard, leaking erection hung in front of his face. Robb had seen dicks before, just never like this.
Robb absently wished he had taken another hit from the joint as nerves came to him quickly. While he had been blow a few times himself, he had never done it to another person. Even though he was already pretty far gone, he wasn’t far gone enough to go in thoughtless.
He licked his lips nervously and refused to look up at the man. It would only psych himself out more. Robb took a tentative lick at the head, unsure with how to begin. It was salty and already moist. The man let out a quick and hushed gasp and Robb assumed he was doing something right.
Robb tired his best to mimic his past experiences. He licked up and down the shaft a couple times, using his tongue to trace veins and invisible lines as he held the cock in his hand. He spent an exorbitant amount of time at the head; pressing his tongue to the slit and finding great pleasure in listening to the man choke back his moans. Robb kissed the head, remembering how his girlfriend used to do it, before gently taking it into his mouth and trying to keep his teeth out of the picture. He was clumsily and unsure and the man probably knew this. He didn’t say a word throughout the whole thing and let Robb do as he pleased and explore this new territory. Robb appreciated the man’s patience.
Robb was slow in getting the man into his mouth, trying to fit all of him in at once. He was unable to do so without it hitting the back of his throat causing him to choke. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to take the whole thing in. The man seemed a hundred times larger in his mouth.
He moved slowly, bobbing his head in an experimental rhythm. He tried to work his tongue into the mix but found the action too difficult against Robb’s inexperience. Robb pulled off the man and pressed his tongue to the man’s slit again, pressing with more force than before. The man moaned throatily and Robb grinned, taking the man in again. He hummed against the cock to show his shared delight and elicited another moan that only fed Robb’s untouched arousal.
The man’s hands and narrow fingers groped at Robb’s scalp before finding locks of hair to wrap his fingers around. Robb continued to suck, bob, and lick, using his hand to jerk the rest his mouth couldn’t reach. With his other hand, Robb tended to himself frantically. There was something about the entire situation that had him leaking. Knowing he had the ability to make this stranger come undone was empowering in a way Robb never knew possible.
At some point, the power shifted. The man began thrusting earnestly and pulling at Robb’s hair in a forceful movement. Robb relinquished control of his own body and let the man fuck his face as he pleased. He set the pace of fast, shallow bobs.
“You got a nice mouth, you know that?” the man purred at Robb. Robb couldn’t help but get closer and closer to release as the man spoke. Robb, mouthful, responded with faster strokes on both of them.
“Is this your first time sucking?” Robb could feel his cheeks heat up as a blush can through but it felt silly to be embarrassed now when a man was fucking into his mouth.
“I can tell.” The man pulled lightly on Robb’s curls for emphasis. Robb dared a look up to see the man’s eyes clouded with lust but on him. A ghost of a smile was resting on his lips and Robb tightened his lips around the cock just so he could watch the faint smile morph into a gasp of ecstasy.
Robb pumped harder and faster as the other man kept talking and purring. Robb couldn’t so much understand the words but was simply lost in the stranger’s voice. He liked being talked to like this, he liked being used, he liked the attention, he liked the fact that he couldn’t hear a goddamn thing save for the man’s voice, and most of all, he liked that this man’s eyes were on him and only him. Like he was something to be desired and not pitied. He was treated like a human being, not a child.
Robb licked and sucked greedily as his head was now being moved by the man. There was something fulfilling about being able to cause this much pleasure in another person. The man was breathing hard and making low grunts and noises that were bringing Robb closer and close to release. The man didn’t even seem to mind the fact that drool was dripping down Robb’s chin.
“I’m close,” the man grunted weakly.
Robb could only moan throatily in response.
The dark stranger’s face was red and moist with sweat. He looked close. The stranger’s eyes were darker than Robb thought was possible. Fully devouring Robb. That’s when he came into his hand, choking slightly on the man before him. His own release spilled onto his hand and the floor a second later. Robb absentmindedly wondered if they had carpet or not, it would be a shamed if they did and it was stained by their little encounter.
The man bit his lip to hold back a groan and Robb choked at the man’s seed filled his mouth. Robb pulled off the man’s cock but felt the remainder of the man’s seed slap onto his face wet and warm.
Once Robb had managed to spit out the come and catch his breath, he wiped his face with the sleeve of his jacket, not worrying about the probability of a stain. Not after what just happened. The man was leaning against the wall over a still kneeling Robb. His softening cock was dangling limply in Robb’s sticky face like a taunt, a reminder of what they just did.
“Not bad. A bit sloppy, but not bad at all,” the man teased. The effect was lost by the man’s hoarse and breathless voice. “I guess I don’t have to do you,” the man chuckled lightly.
Robb felt sweet shame sink into him and anchor in his stomach. He came from having a man fuck his mouth and come on him after he smoked weed at a party of a person he didn’t know. This was certainly not the Stark prodigy his family aimed to raise. If only his mother saw him now…
The man pushed away from the wall and pulled himself back into his pants. Robb stiffly got up and straightened out his clothes despite that his jacket was now stained at the sleeves. His knees were killing him but the lightness he felt from his post-orgasm was enough to make it a concern for later, future Robb. He was going to live in the moment and deal with any problems later. It was his time.
They were now standing face to face and Robb was completely unsure of what was supposed to happen next in these instances. Was he supposed to say ‘thank you’ or something? Robb shifted his weight from foot to foot as the man and he stared at each other. It was like they were testing their moves with each other, seeing who would speak or make the first move. The man was smirking suddenly and Robb knew that the man had won this round of…whatever it was they were doing.
“See you around.” Robb walked past the man and out of the room.
All he wanted was to get drunk (check), smoke (check), fuck (kind of check) and spend a couple of minutes not thinking of the reason he had come to this place (triple fucking check). Robb knew he wasn’t going to see the man anymore, although he did miss out on seeing what those long, nimble fingers were capable of. That thought would just have to be left up to his imagination and Robb would be fine with that.
The man followed Robb out of the room and walked beside him on their descent down the stairs. Neither of them spoke as their reached the floor. Robb watched the man nod his silent goodbye and walk off. Robb could see the stranger had returned to his previous position on the patio outside already pulling out another joint.
Once the man was out of sight, an intense need to vomit came over him. It had been curling around in his stomach long before but without any distractions, the need became very evident. Robb darted to the nearest bathroom.
He threw up upon entry, ridding his system of the taste of that man, the many beers consumed that night, cigarettes, and his first joint. Once all the contents of his stomach were in the basin, Robb watched the evidence of the night’s activities swirl down the toilet. The only mementos of the night were the come stained jacket and the sweet sting in his throat.
Robb left soon after vomiting. It seemed like a nice close to the night.
He walked home, despite the fact the walk was going to take roughly an hour. The cold air was numbing and the pain in his throat from retching put him at ease. Physical pain was always better than mental; he just never experienced the truth in that until now.
When he rounded the corner to his house, Robb could see the lights off. Good.
After dropping his keys multiple times outside and having great difficulty in actually opening the door, Robb crept inside and made the familiar path up to his room, navigating quietly in the dark with ease. Sure, his footfalls were louder than normal, but all the inhabitants of the house should be dead to the world. No pun intended.
Robb was currently sharing a room with Jon and Robb hoped that Jon would be asleep. He wasn’t in the mood to see anyone from his family, but more so Jon than anyone else. He didn’t even know where he’d begin to explain all of this.
The room was dark and he could hear Jon’s soft snores from the top bunk. Robb stripped out of his dirty clothes quickly and silently, balling them up and tossing them onto the floor to deal with in the morning. He hoped Jon didn’t examine them too closely and see any of the evidence of what Robb had been up to that night. Robb suddenly hoped that his face didn’t betray him in the morning and that his eyes weren’t too red from his first joint.
“Robb?”
Robb looked up at Jon like a deer in headlights. The moon illuminated the room just enough to see the confusion on Jon’s face. Robb hoped that it was still dark enough so Jon couldn’t see the night’s events plastered all over his sticky face.
“Sorry, man. Late night study group,” Robb lied for the thousandth time. It was becoming a habit. Jon looked skeptically but sleep seemed to be distracting him from asking what he really wanted to know.
“I thought your professors gave you three weeks off.” Jon was yawning and his eyes were hooded. Robb could see Jon was fading back to sleep quickly. He wouldn’t have to deal with him much longer.
“I just don’t want to fall behind. Plus, it keeps me occupied,” Robb sighed.
“I get that.” Jon’s head fell onto the pillow. “’Shouldn’t stay out late though. Catelyn worries too much. You know that.”
Robb crawled onto his bunk as he repeated the words he had told Jon four nights in a row. “This is the last time, promise.”
“Goodnight, Robb,” Jon slurred with sleep.
“’Night, Jon,” Robb said much too awake for the hour of three in the morning.
It was times like this that Robb wished Jon had an obnoxious snore. That Jon would make some sort of noise to keep Robb from thinking. Something for Robb to actually focus on that wasn’t himself and his inner turmoil. Jon slept easily but Robb’s head was thundering. Robb envied Jon. While Jon slept in completely peace, Robb distracted himself with thoughts of loud music, stony faces, drifting smoke out of smiling lips, tears spilling from little boys’ faces, and slick wet cocks. He hates himself a little more and reveled in it all the same.
It felt good. He just wanted to feel good again. Robb decided he would chase that feeling.