“Don’t interrupt sweetheart” her father chided.
Laura blushed.
“Anyway, maybe she isn’t the same age as you but I hear you love puzzles? Sarah Jane loves them too. I was thinking of bring her here tomorrow night and the two of you could do some puzzles together, is that alright with you?”.
Laura nodded, feeling shy again.
//
It was another week before she had an opportunity to sneak back to the tree house. Her father had gone upstairs to take a phone call - probably from kate, and she’d sneaked out and found her way back into the woods.
This time she took the time to examine the hut properly and catalogue all of it’s flaws. She’d decided that this would be her next project. It needed a paint job for sure and definitely a bit of spring cleaning. She climbed inside and examined the interior, her heart thumping with excitement.
Over the next few weeks, whenever she had the chance Laura renovated her tree house. She swept out the leaves and ‘fixed’ the leak in the roof, by the time she was done she was extremely proud of herself.
She climbed back down and admired her work. Her smile dropped for a second when she realised there was still nothing she could do about the paint but her disappointment only lasted a moment. A shabby paint job wasn’t the end the of world.
//
Kate and Sarah Jane started to spend more and more time with them as the weeks went on. Laura didn’t really mind, she liked Kate and Sarah Jane wasn’t so bad when she decided to share her puzzles but they took away from the time that she could otherwise being spending in the Forest.
Something felt off when Laura finally got back to her little haven in the woods. She crawled into it uncertainly, try to figure out why she was feeling so uneasy when she noticed a teddy bear in the corner. Her first instinct was to be annoyed, she’d put a lot of work into this place and she didn’t really want someone else up here. Her annoyance faded into worry though when she thought about the little bear the person had left behind.
It looked very loved and her heart ached for the person who was probably missing it right now. She bit her lip and considered taking it home with her, she quickly dismissed that thought because what if the owner came back? She pulled a pack of crayons, some paper and a scarf out of her backpack. She wrapped the bear carefully in the scarf and started writing a note.
Dear bears friend,
I covered up your bear that you left in my tree house so he won’t get cold or stolen.
You should be careful, if i wasn’t nice I would take him with me but you’re lucky because I am nice.
From Laura Hollis (age 6)
She read the note over proudly, then tucked it into the bundled bear. Hopefully someone would return for the bear soon.
She later returned to find the bear gone and a folded note in its place. She picked it up, got into a comfortable position and opened it.
Dear Laura Hollis,
It’s not really your tree house. It is in the Forest so it belongs to nobody. I can keep playing here if I want, my sister says so.
I guess thank you for not taking my bear.
From Carmilla (age 7)
Laura frowned, this girl didn’t sound very nice. She decided not to write back, it was almost her birthday and she wasn’t going to let her new tree house roommate ruin that for her.
Age 7
The day after Laura’s seventh birthday, her father told her that he was going to marry Kate. She was initially very confused, her dad couldn’t marry somebody else because then what would happen if her mum came back? Who would she marry?
It also meant sharing a room with Sarah Jane. Laura didn’t mind her but it wasn’t easy to adjust to always having someone else in her space.
The first night they lived together Sarah Jane was too excited to sleep. She was at an age of asking a lot of questions which meant Laura didn’t really sleep either.
“Laura, where does milk come from?”.
“It comes from cows”.
“Laura, how come you’re shorter than me even though you’re older?”.
“I haven’t had my growth spurt yet”.
“Laura, can I tell you a secret?”.
Laura sighed. “Yeah, okay”.
“I don’t think the tooth fairy is real” SJ confessed.
Laura stayed quiet for a moment, letting that truth sink in.
“Do you have any secrets?” SJ asked
Laura thought about telling her about the tree house in the woods and the letter from other girl who was playing there. she decided against it, afterall it was a secret for a reason.
“No SJ, I haven’t got any secrets but I want to go to sleep now”.
//
After holding her silence for at least a week and a half, Laura’s curiosity got the better of her. She had to know if the girl, Carmilla (though Laura suspected that wasn’t her real name) was still there. The next time she was up there, she brought along her new coloured pencils and wrote a new letter in her best handwriting. She couldn’t let such a rude girl have the last word.
Dear “carmilla”,
Maybe I don’t own this tree house but I’m the one who fixed it up. If you want to keep playing here you have to help me keep it tidy. Me and my stepsister have a chore wheel, maybe I can make us one of those? You should be nicer, we can’t be can’t be friends if you’re mean.
I’m glad you got your bear back.
From Laura Hollis ( age 7)
~
Dear Laura,
You didn’t fix it that well, it isn’t even painted. And I don’t want a chore wheel, you’re not the boss of me or this tree house. We can’t be friends if you keep being bossy either.
I can see that you’re 7 now.
From Carmilla ( age 7 and a half)
~
Dear Carmilla,
I wanted to paint it but I don’t have paint or a ladder! Don’t be so mean, I tried my hardest. I’m not bossy, I just wanted my secret space to stay nice so I can have a happy place to go. It’s ok if you share it with me but don’t you want it to be nice and happy too?
From Laura Hollis ( age 7 )
//
It was almost two weeks after that that Laura finally found the chance to sneak away again. She had been so busy with the wedding that there just hadn’t the time to go back. When everyones backs were turned, Laura ran towards the familiar clearing but she stopped in shock at what she saw.
The tree house was not as she had left it. Somebody had carefully gone over the faded wood with cream coloured paint. They had even put new slates of wood in the ladder where the old rungs had fallen away. Laura let out an excited squeak as she scurried up the newly fixed ladder.
Inside she found a small stack of letters, she counted three. With a small giggle, she opened the bottom one.
Dear Laura,
Maybe I would like a happy place to be too. You’re still bossy but I think we can share it and then we won’t have to fight anymore.
From Carmilla ( age 7 and a half)
Laura picked up the second one.
Dear Laura,
I’m sorry I called you bossy, please don’t ignore me anymore.
From Carmilla ( age 7 and a half)
Dear Laura,
I asked Mattie and she said you would forgive me and talk to me again if I did something for you so i asked her to help me paint this place. Mattie is very good at painting.
From Carmilla ( age 7 and a half)
Laura smiled brightly and pulled her writing things out of her bag.
Dear Carmilla,
I forgive you for saying I’m bossy (even though I’m not). Thank you for painting our tree house!!! It looks so pretty. I’m going to ask Kate to help me make a mailbox for us, she’s so good at that kind of thing, she even made a birdhouse!!!
And I wasn’t ignoring you, this is the first time I’ve been I’ve been here in ages.
Love from Laura Hollis (age 7)
Age 10
Laura lay on her back in the yard, SJ next to her, looking up at the clouds.
“That one looks like shrek” SJ said, pointing to a cloud in the middle of the sky.
“Thats funny, I was just about to say it looks like you” Laura teased.
SJ poked her tongue out.
They lay in peaceful silence for a while.
“Do you ever think about boys?“ SJ asked quietly.
Laura frowned and wrinkled her nose.
"No. Not really, they aren’t very interesting” said Laura thoughtfully.
“Some of them are interesting”.
Laura just shrugged. Agree to disagree. It was then that she noticed that the coast was clear, the perfect time to slip away.
“I have to go now”.
“Where are you always wandering off to? ” SJ asked, sitting up.
“I can’t tell you yet".
//
When Laura arrived at the tree house, the first thing she did was pull a letter and a small wrapped chocolate out of the mailbox. She popped the chocolate into her mouth and settled onto one of the cushions before gently prying open the envelope.
Carmilla had begun writing in cursive lately, which Laura struggled to read as fast as her printed letters. It was worth it though, Carmilla’s writing was beautiful.
Laura,
I’m sorry I took so long to answer your last letter, i had strep throat. Mattie moved out yesterday, she’s going to law school. I miss her a lot more than I thought I would. In regards to your last question, we can’t be friends in person because my mother won’t allow me to"waste time on friends when they’re all beneath me". Don't be upset though, Writing is a much more intimate form of friendship anyway. I’m enclosing a chocolate mother brought back from Germany. I hope your sister has stopped annoying you.
Yours,
Carmilla
Laura laughed, Carmilla always wrote like she was much older than just an eleven year old with a good vocabulary. She carefully wrote out her response.
Hey Carm,
I hope you’re feeling better!!! I’m sorry that you’re missing Mattie, at least she’s not gone forever though. I wish we could talk in person, all this letter writing hurts my hands. I want to hear what your voice sounds like and see your face, I bet you have a pretty face. I just realised the other day that you never gave my scarf back when I was 6!!! I guess SJ is okay, she’s still sometimes annoying but I love her, even when she asks questions about dumb boys. Thank you for the chocolate!!! Do YOU think friends are beneath you?
P.s you didn’t say anything about the tree house curtains I made!!!
Love, Laura Hollis (age 10 and a half)
XOXOXOXO
~
Laura,
You know you don’t have to sign your age at the end of every letter, right? We’ve known each other for four years, I know how old you are. If writing a 100 word letter hurts your hand, I pity you when you come to high school. Do I think my friends are beneath me? You’re not beneath me, so I guess not. I don’t need to see your face to know that you’re adorable, I can tell by your handwriting. This friendship works best on paper.
As for your scarf, you’re never getting that one back cutie, might be time to let it go. I can’t stay long, mother is insisting that I learn the violin.
Carmilla
P.s that is an excessive amount of x’s and o’s
~
Carmilla,
They are not just “x’s” and “o’s”, they are hugs and kisses and you can never have too many of them (XOXOXOX). My dad used to want me to play the flute but he was worried that I would run out of breath and suffocate. You still haven’t said anything about my curtains, I worked hard on those!!! At least tell me if you like them or not!
Are you any good at the violin? I know you’re good at drawing (that picture you gave me of the panther was beautiful). You’re lucky you’re my best friend because you are a giant pain.
Love from Laura Hollis ( age 10 and a half )
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Age 15
Laura had never been to the woods at night before, she had been at a party with SJ but her sister had been quickly distracted by Wilson kirsch and left Laura to fend for herself. She had gotten idea to come here after an hour sitting alone on the couch. She would return for SJ before she even noticed that she was gone.
She was extra careful on the ladder in the dark. Once inside she felt around for the torch she knew carmilla kept there. She made a small triumphant noise when the small room filled with light. She reached into the mailbox and pulled out the letter, running her fingers carefully over her name written on the front before tearing it open.
Dear Laura,
oh come on, you know I was kidding! I would never go after your sister, besides I have a girlfriend. Doesn't sound like you're too happy about Sj's new boyfriend, you're not jealous are you? If you are then you shouldn't be, he sounds like a dimwit. I got you a present but I'm not leaving it here until after your actual birthday, I know you and I know you'd open it early if given the chance. Mattie came back for the weekend for mothers birthday, she asked about you actually. The cactus you gave me last year has officially died, I'm sorry but I did warn you. I don't know why you can't just text me, It's 2012, why are we only communicating via snail-mail.
love, Carmilla
Laura felt her heart sink. She shouldn't be surprised that Carmilla had a girlfriend, after all why wouldn't she, but she still felt jealousy surge through her. She didn't like the idea of sharing Carmilla with someone else. She took a deep breath, Carmilla could do whatever (or whoever, Laura thought bitterly) she wanted. Its not like she owed Laura anything, she was just some girl Carmilla sometimes wrote to.
When she couldn't force herself to be happy for Carmilla, Laura decided she could at least pretend.
She swallowed as she started to scribble out a reply.
Hey Carmilla,
I didn't know you had a girlfriend, that's so cool. why didn't you tell me? I'm so happy for you. And ew, you think I'm jealous of Kirsch? you disgust me. I can't believe you seriously killed a cactus, a CACTUS Carmilla, even the desert can keep a cactus alive. I told you my dad won't let me get a cellphone otherwise I'd be all for it. You're the one who keeps insisting that we never meet face to face. I'm sorry this is so short, It's dark up here and I have to go and make sure SJ and I get home on time.
-Laura (age 15 and 7 eighths)
~
Laura,
If deserts are so great at keeping cacti alive then why do humans keep insisting upon removing them, if you ask me we should just let the dessert deal with them. And yes, I do have a girlfriend, we've been together almost 6 months, I really like her. I can't believe I hadn't told you until now, I guess it just never came up. One of these days your father is going to give in and let you have a phone, then we won't have to wait days between sentences. You know that we can't meet in person, isn't this enough?
carmillla
p.s happy birthday for tomorrow.
~
Carmilla,
have you ever brought her here?
-Laura
~
Laura,
This is our special place, I would never bring anybody else here,
Love, Carmilla
age 16
Laura had admitted she had a crush on Carmilla to herself a while ago, which was why it was especially worrying when she didn't hear from her for three weeks. Still she kept checking the little mailbox she'd made when she was seven but it seemed as though Carmilla had just disappeared.
She almost cried with relief on the day she finally found an envelope waiting for her in the box. The feeling didn't last that long, Carmilla's writing was not it's usual perfect loopy script, it looked shaky and careless.
Laura
I'm sorry I haven't been around. Ell broke up with me.
-Carmilla
Laura froze, she had no idea how to handle this situation. Suddenly the only thing she could seem to think of were bad jokes, and that probably wasn't the kind of thing Carmilla would find comforting. Still she had to try, she couldn't just let Carmilla be hurt on her own. Thinking hard, she set her pen to the paper and started to write.
Carmilla,
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I know you won't believe me right now, but its her loss. Please can we meet in person? I can't help you if I'm not there, and I want to be there for you. I don't understand why you don't want to meet me, aren't you even a bit curious? We've been friends for over half our lives and I don't even know what you look like or what you sound like or how you take your coffee. Please don't push me away, I know this is hard for you but please just let me in.
Lots of love, Laura (age 16 and a half)
~
Dear Laura,
I can't do this right now. Why can't this be enough for you? Laura, you're one of the most important relationships of my life. Getting to know somebody through only words is the truest way to know them, on paper there's nothing to hide behind, you just are who you are and people either love you for it or they don't. I have that with you and I can't risk loosing it. Of course I'm curious about you, I wonder everyday what your laugh sounds like or how your hair feels but I can't risk loosing what we have over curiosity. I'm too afraid that the relationship we have would not last off paper. Please don't push me right now, after everything with Ell, I just don't have the energy. You don't have be here with me physically, you've already been there for me for most of my life.
Yours always,
Carmilla
Reading Carmilla's letter was almost physically painful for Laura, she knew upon reading it that if she pushed Carmilla too hard, she could end up pushing her away. Maybe even forever. As much as it hurt, she would have to take whatever Carmilla was willing to offer and accept that that was all she'd get.
Sighing heavily she clicked her pen and started writing.
Dear Carm,
This is good enough, for now. I'm not going to force you into something you're not ready for, but if you ever are ready to turn this into more than an ink-only friendship, you should know that I am too. Just to put your mind at ease, you said you wondered what my hair feels like, it's super soft and you're totally missing out. I'm curious about you too, just so you know. You never did tell me how you like your coffee. SJ decided that she wants to be a doctor which is great for her but it makes me feel a little inadequate for having no idea what I want yet.
love from Laura (age 16 and a half)
~
Laura,
I can't believe after all these years you still put your age down at the end of each letter, it's not like I'm going to forget how old you are. I like my coffee black, no sugar, though I don't know why you want to know. Since useless questions seems to be the theme of the month, I have a couple for you; what are you wearing? Cats or dogs? and what's your favourite breakfast food? If it makes you feel any better, I have no idea what I'm doing either and I think you'll find most people don't.
-Carmilla (age 17 and a bit)
~
Carm,
Firstly, "a bit" is not a proper unit of measurement and I know you're mocking me but I'm not going to let your bitter ass stop me from putting my age in every letter. No offence Carm, but your taste in coffee is disgusting. "what am I wearing"? seriously? what, are we sexting or something? because I'm pretty sure you can't do that through snail-mail, sorry to disappoint :). I can't choose between cats and dogs and my favourite breakfast food is pancakes.
Lots of Love, Laura (age 16 and a half)
~
Dear Laura,
if we were sexting you'd know. Also you are in no position to judge my preferred units of measurement when you use "and a half" right up until your birthday, that isn't very mathematically accurate. I bet YOUR coffee is 50% sugar. I prefer cats to dogs and I never wake up early enough for breakfast. I'm just finishing up some chemistry homework then I'm out of here.
yours, Carmilla
~
Dear Carm,
So you're doing chemistry homework huh? what would you be doing if I was there with you? ( I'm kidding). Actually you're totally wrong, I don't even drink coffee at all IN YOUR FACE KARNSTEIN. Hey, how are you anyway? you know after things with Ell? you haven't talked about it in a while.
love from Laura (age 16 and a half)
~
Laura,
Your sexting-via-snail-mail game is weak. Has anybody ever told you that you're a giant nerd? because they should. I'm ok, the way things ended with Ell wasn't pretty but it doesn't hurt as much anymore, I still miss being in a relationship sometimes but it's not really about her. There's no sense in mourning her, it's not like she was my soulmate or anything.
yours, Carmilla
Age 17
Laura wasn't sure what made her go out to the tree house that particular night, maybe it was intuition or maybe she just needed to stretch her legs. It was lucky she was so small because otherwise the little room might have started to feel cramped. She was just enjoying the cool night and the sounds of the forest when she heard something that startled her. A quiet rustling for the base of the tree, she peaked out the door to see a figure beginning to climb the ladder. It was dark but Laura could tell it was a girl, not a lot taller than herself and she knew who it was immediately. Carmilla made her way up the ladder without looking up until she reached the top, when she looked through the door, she appeared so alarmed that Laura worried she might fall.
They just stared at each other for several moments, taking each other in. Laura thought Carmilla might run but she just slowly climbed in through the door, never taking her eyes off Lauras face. Laura's breath caught in her throat, somewhere, in a very abstract sense, she had always suspected the Carmilla would be beautiful but this was more than she had imagined. Her jawline was probably sharp enough to cut glass and her hair hung in perfect loose curls around her shoulders.
"Holy shit" Carmilla said quietly.
Laura couldn't help herself, she burst out laughing. Something about this situation seemed so ridiculous to her. Here, in front of her, was her best friend, somebody she'd known forever before ever even having met her and the first thing the girl had said was 'holy shit'.
Carmilla looked at her, trying (and failing) to fight off a smile of her own.
"Hey" she said once her laughter had subsided.
"Hey".
Laura was suddenly aware of how small the tree house was with the two of them in it. There was no space between them and as much as Laura was okay with that, it was also very overwhelming. Carmilla, her Carmilla, was actually there.
Laura didn't know who leaned in first, all she knew was that there were cool hands cupping her face and soft lips pressing desperately against her own. She didn't know how soon was too soon when you'd know somebody your whole life. She sighed against Carmilla's mouth and tangled her hands into her silky hair. Carmillas thumbs brushed against her cheekbones, like she was trying to memorize Laura's face without having to stop kissing her. They only broke the kiss when breathing became really necessary. They rested their foreheads together, breathing heavily.
"Still think this works best on paper?" Laura whispered.
"I honestly don't know, but after meeting you I can't just go back to writing letters. Not if it means I wouldn't get to kiss you again" Carmilla leaned forward again, reconnecting their lips very briefly.
"I was scared you were going to run, you know, when you first saw me" Laura confessed.
Carmilla leaned back against the wall and laced her fingers with Laura's.
"I thought about it. I knew it was you the second I saw you, probably because nobody else comes out here. I saw you and I almost ran, I didn't think I'd ever actually meet you but fate didn't give me much of a choice".
Laura brought her hands up cautiously to touch Carmilla's face, tracing her fingers along every ridge.
"I still can't believe it's really you. That you're really here" she spoke quietly, almost as if she were afraid to break the atmosphere between them.
Carmilla was smiling at her warmly, burning into her with eyes she felt like she'd known forever. Laura couldn't believe that at that time the previous day she hadn't even known if Carmilla shared her feelings.
"I know" Carmilla agreed "It's so- weird. I've never even seen you smile before today, you have the most beautiful smile".
Laura was just grateful it was too dark outside for Carmilla to see her blush.
"Well I had no idea how hot your voice is, so thank you for not warning me about that" Laura said.
Carmilla grinned and kissed her again, much longer and slower than before. Laura slid her hands down from Carmilla's head to her shoulders, she froze then laughed into Carmilla's mouth, essentially ruining the whole sensual make-out thing they had had going on. She pulled back, focusing her attention on Carmilla's neck.
"I knew it! That is my scarf you're wearing! I can't believe you stole that, you're such an asshole" she laughed.
It was the very same scarf she had wrapped Carmilla's teddy bear in when they were kids. She used it to tug Carmilla closer and continue kissing her, she could always steal it back later.
She knew She probably loved her but it was too soon to tell her that right then. She was in no hurry, They had all the time in the world.
Age 18
Being in the tree house at the same time as Carmilla would probably never stop feeling kind of weird. But it was most certainly a good kind of weird. Laura now spent a lot less time writing and a lot more time kissing or talking or engaging in other, less PG activities.
She especially enjoyed the little things, like resting her head in Carmillas lap while Carmilla read and played with her hair. It was everything that she'd never had the chance to do before that really made her head spin.
//
Introducing her girlfriend to her father unfortunately meant confessing to eleven years of running away. Laura was worried he might have a heart attack when she told him, his eyes bulged quite alarmingly. She suspected that it was only Kate (and the fact that she was legally an adult) that stopped her dad from grounding her for life. Despite that slightly rocky beginning, her father seemed to like Carmilla.
"So the two of you met in the woods?" He clarified.
"Actually we were kind pen-pals? for a few years" Laura explained.
"More like pen gal-pals" SJ said from behind a giant textbook, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
Carmilla snickered slightly, bringing the rooms attention back to herself. Laura squeezed her hand encouragingly.
"uh yeah, we met in person for the first time in woods. By accident".
Laura pressed a quick kiss to Carmillas cheek
"Well I guess I finally know where you've been sneaking off to all these years" SJ mumbled.
"Do you mean to tell me you've known about this all this time?"Their father looked like he'd had enough shock for one day so Kate ushered him into the living room for tea.
When they were alone Laura turned to Carmilla and wrapped her arms loosely around her neck.
"Thank you for doing this" She said, kissing the tip of her nose.
age 25
Laura shivered and wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck. It was freezing outside but Carmilla had insisted on going to see the tree house one last time after visiting her dad. They hadn't been into the small forest in years, not since they left town.
Carmilla clambered in first and held a hand out to tug Laura up behind her. Laura looked around, it resembled the state it had been in when she had first found it all those years ago. She felt a little sad to see her special place looking so run down but she was glad to see it again.
She adjusted herself so they could both fit in there comfortably. Carmilla wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"I can't believe we had our first kiss in here" she said, smiling widely at the memory.
"That's sort of why I brought you here" Carmilla said nervously. "I've loved you since before I met you and you're still the best part of my life, I'm more in love with you every day and I wouldn't have any of that if it weren't for this place".
Laura closed the small distance between them and kissed her.
"I love you too".
"So I thought because of everything, this would be the perfect place to give you this".
A small crooked smile tugged on Lauras lips when Carmilla handed her a small folded piece of paper. She unfolded it carefully.
Laura Hollis,
Will you marry me?
Love from, Carmilla Karnstein (age 25 and a half)