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To put it simply — Ponyboy wasn't doing well. The stress from track and school and the still lingering grief from Johnny and Dally's death's weren't a good mix.
Their death's were a very touchy subject, understandably, but it pissed him off that everyone around him was acting like the whole thing never happened — like they never existed.
On top of that, the gang was beginning to drift apart, if you could even call it a gang anymore. Two-bit hardly showed his face anymore, and the rare occasion he did, he was drunk out of his mind.
Steve was quiet, too quiet that it was uncomfortable. Ponyboy never thought there would be a day in his life where he was upset with Steve Randle being silent, but recently, he's been silently pleading for him to speak, just one word, that's all he asks for.
Sodapop's personality has completely drifted, his charming smile that used to plaster his face 24/7, has been replaced by this empty look on his face, the glow disappearing from his eyes.
Darry's personality has also had a drift. He was lecturing Ponyboy way more than usual, and he always seemed on edge — again, more than usual.
That leaves Ponyboy. He's always struggled quietly, muttered a "I'm fine" whenever somebody asked how he was doing. He liked to seem 'tough' like his gang and his brothers, but they've all cracked, and he's close to doing so as well.
Which is why after one particularly rough argument with Darry, he finds himself locked in the bathroom, a bottle of pills in his hand.
He thinks about Johnny and Dally. He thought about how Johnny would always speak of killing himself, how one of the last thing's he said was how he didn't want to die.
He thought about how Dally always wanted to die, too. How he would purposely get himself in to fights, not caring if he died. He thought about how Johnny was the only thing he loved, he thought about Dally's last words, "Pony..", the endless possibilities of what he could have said after that made his stomach churn.
He thought about how it was all his fault, how he never used his head, and made everyone else pay for it. If he had never ran in to that church — hell, if he never fell asleep in the lot, it never would have happened. Johnny and Dally would have lived, and everyone around him, his gang, his brothers, Cherry Valance, himself — they would all be happy, everything would be okay.
He thought of Cherry Valance, he felt bad for what he said. 'We don't need your damn charity!' she didn't deserve to hear that, he thought. She was grieving too, her feelings were completely valid. He had to swallow down bile, he didn't realize how sick he felt.
He sat on the floor next to the toilet, fighting the urge to shove his fingers down his throat. He thought about how this is the best thing he can do for everyone else around him. He was a burden. Soda will be an adult next year then he and Darry can do whatever they like, not having to worry about him anymore.
A tear fell.
It was then he realized there was a banging at the door. He wondered how long that had been going on.
He wanted to be saved, he wanted to be held and to be comforted and to feel like he belonged — but it was too late.
Ponyboy Curtis was dead.