Archive of Our Own

January

Joel emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist as he puttered around his room, opening and closing drawers as quietly as possible. He pulled on a clean pair of underwear and pajama pants then grabbed a tee shirt and made his way towards the bed where Ellie was lying under the covers he’d tucked around her. She looked particularly small in his bed, her fingers curled around the comforter that was pulled up to her chin.

Earlier, when the sun had been coming up, Joel had gotten in a quick workout, made a few phone calls to cancel his day, and then showered before returning to her. They had a few hours before they were meeting Maria at the police station where Ellie was due to give her statement about the previous night’s events.

Joel sank down on the bed, running his fingers through his damp hair as he collected himself for a moment. While he knew Ellie was struggling with processing what had transpired, Joel found himself unsure of how to proceed with her, how delicately to handle her, if she wanted to be touched or handled or anything at all.

It had happened so fast and yet felt like it had happened in slow motion. He’d received a text from Ellie around midnight letting him know that she was alright, but that she was heading home and would come by after a shower. But then she’d never shown up. An hour had gone by and she hadn’t texted him again even though he’d assured her that he was awake and she could come over whenever she was ready.

Something was wrong, he’d been sure of it. And unfortunately, he’d been right.

The sound of her cries through the phone still rang in his ears and he closed his eyes, still sitting on the edge of the bed as he swallowed the taste of bile in his mouth. He took a deep breath and pulled the covers back, swinging his legs into the bed as he scooted closer to her.

He didn’t want to startle her, but he just wanted her to know he was there. As he leaned over to check on her, he saw that she was awake and staring at the wall. “Hey,” he breathed, “I’m just gonna put my arms around you and hold you, alright?”

That question seemed to set her off and she gripped the blanket tighter, tears flowing down her cheeks. “Oh, baby…”

Ellie shook her head, swallowing a sob as she scooted back on the mattress, holding the blanket up so he could scoot closer to her. “I don’t know…” she shook her head again, curling in on herself again as Joel wrapped his arm around her waist, his other arm curling under her shoulders as he gathered her body against his. He felt her take a shuddering breath, her hands still gripping the blankets.

“You don’t have to say or do anythin’,” he said, pressing his lips to her hair. “We have a few hours before we have to meet Maria at the station.”

“What about work?” she breathed. Ellie sniffled, wiping her finger under her nose.

“Don’t worry about that. I’m here for you today, okay?” he said. Ellie opened her mouth to speak, but then just nodded and leaned down to nuzzle her cheek against his arm that was tucked under her shoulders. “Just rest and we’ll take this one step at a time. I’m right here; I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Ellie drifted in and out of a fitful sleep for a few hours, and each time she jolted from her slumber or shook with her tears, Joel leaned forward and spoke in soft tones to let her know she was safe and that she wasn’t alone.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Ellie tugged on her sweater then crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned back in the uncomfortable office chair. “I don’t like how long they’re making us wait,” she said, turning her head towards Maria who sat beside her.

Maria nodded in agreement then leaned forward and took a sip of water, swallowing hard as she took controlled breaths through her nose. “You alright?” Ellie asked, leaning closer to her.

Maria nodded, waving her off. “Woke up too early, drank too much coffee on an empty stomach,” she said.

“You, Tommy, and Joel are going to have holes in your stomachs from all the coffee you ingest,” she said.

Maria shifted in her seat. “They’re stalling,” she insisted. “Both the hospital and Davis’s team of overpaid minions don’t want you to press charges or open another case outside of the hospital litigation,” she reminded Ellie. “Do not say anything unless I give you a nod to speak. I’m serious, Ellie. One misstep and his lawyers will sue you for defamation.”

“Right, that’s why they’re settling the case with the nurses and interns,” Ellie grumbled. She shifted and then winced, rubbing her hand over her still-sore shoulder. After Ellie had given her statement at the police station, they’d sent her to another hospital for x-rays of her shoulder and her injured wrist. Finding no sprains or breaks, they’d wrapped her wrist and given her instruction to ice and rest her strained wrist as well as the shoulder she’d landed on after tumbling off the couch.

The sheriff had been more than willing to move forward with pressing charges against Dr. Davis, but he was honest and forthcoming with information regarding the hospital case and the statement Davis had given the previous night. Davis was claiming that he and Ellie were engaged in a consensual relationship and that he’d pushed her too far in their sexual activities. He’d claimed that he was her mentor at the hospital and that their relationship outside of the hospital was private and had nothing to do with the pending case against him. He’d gone to visit her that night to console her after she’d been suspended for allegations that she was involved in the hospital’s “professional slander case,” as he called it.

Ellie had been adamant about getting her statement taken down. She knew that what she’d done the night of Joel’s accident crossed a professional line, but never at any time had her relationship with Davis crossed any line outside of the hospital. “In fact,” she’d told the sheriff, “I had never seen him outside of work until last night,” she’d said, referring to the night he’d assaulted her. “He hadn’t known where I lived until he followed me.”

“Ms. Williams, are you aware of Dr. Davis’s ties with the police department, fire and EMT, and the court in this city?” he’d asked. After Maria had sighed and hung her head, Ellie felt helpless. “You can press charges, you and your lawyer have evidence against him, but I can’t promise either of you that it will hold up in court. Dr. Davis has powerful friends who are already aware of what’s going on. This will be an uphill battle for both of you.”

Back in the present, Ellie and Maria both turned as several people walked into the room: the hospital’s lawyers she recognized from her previous meeting, her representative from the nurses’ union, and then in came Dr. Davis and his lawyers, followed by two members of the hospital board and their lawyers. “Was someone murdered?” Ellie asked under her breath as everyone took their seats around the conference table.

Ellie’s union representative asked that Dr. Davis and his team be seated at the opposite end of the table from Ellie and that started a chain of events that no one could come back from. His lawyers were argumentative as to why he needed to be kept away from her while Maria was pointing out that the bruises on Ellie’s face should be reason enough to keep him away from her. His lawyers started throwing out legal jargon to keep Maria from accusing Davis of having hurt Ellie.

All the while, Ellie kept her eyes on the table until she made the mistake of looking at him. His icy blue eyes were focused on her, an almost curious expression on his face as he watched her. Ellie drew her eyebrows together and watched him for a moment while the lawyers yelled at one another and the board members tried to get the room under control.

It happened in a fog; Ellie saw Maria passing his lawyers the police report. She heard the hospital lawyers claiming that this was a separate case from the case involving Ellie and Davis on the security cameras. The union rep was demanding that Ellie’s assault case be separate from the hospital case because she was only there to protect Ellie’s job.

Round and round it went, most people talking at each other instead of to one another. Ellie glanced around the room, seeing all these people that she worked for fighting for themselves, talking around her and about her, but not to her. For Ellie, she was seeing the next year of her life playing out in front of her. She saw the fights, the litigation, the accusations.

She turned and locked eyes with Davis again. A smirk crossed his lips and Ellie’s stomach rolled. He didn’t care how this went, he had people he paid to fight for him and get him what he wanted. He didn’t care that her career was on the line. He wasn’t going to let her ruin his reputation, even if it cost her everything.

Ellie took a breath and glanced over at Maria who stared back at her. Ellie tried to convey with her eyes, I don’t know if I can do this…

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

February

Ellie unlocked the door to her apartment, her hand pausing on the doorknob for a moment. “You don’t have to do this,” Joel said softly from where he stood behind her. “I can go in and get…”

“No, I have to do this. This is supposed to be my home…” she said, shaking her head, and pushing the door open.

He wanted to tell her that her home was with him, he would make sure of that. But, he followed behind her, looking around as she walked towards the couch, her hand resting on the back of the piece of furniture.

She’d run out of clothes, and despite doing laundry at Joel’s house, she wanted more clothes, and part of her wanted to prove she could move back into her place. But, the Millers – Joel, Tommy, and Maria – all insisted that so long as Davis remained outside of police custody, she was safer staying at Joel’s house.

Even Sarah had called her one evening, asking if she had any questions about her pending court date. Joel had smiled when he’d heard her laughing, even if it had been at his expense as the women had been talking about his continuing recovery.

Now, she was standing quietly in her apartment, looking small and lost. “Hey,” he said softly, touching her shoulder as he came up behind her. He felt the tension for a moment then she softened and let out a sigh. “Remember the first time I came over here?”

She let out a breath of a laugh and nodded. “We spent the whole day in bed,” she recalled, taking the smallest step back into his body.

Joel immediately wrapped his arms around her, burying his nose in her hair as he held her and Ellie let him, snuggling her body against his. “We can do that again,” he offered, “go home and just spend the day in bed,” he said, nuzzling against her neck.

Ellie sighed and wriggled in his arms until she could turn around, wrapping her arms around him as she clung to his body. “Hey, hey,” he whispered, gathering her against him, and rubbing his hands over her back. “It’s okay.”

“No… it’s not,” she mumbled against his chest. “None of this is okay, Joel.”

“It will be,” he insisted, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

Ellie let out a huff and dropped her arms, pushing lightly at him until she could step away. “No, none of this is… I shouldn’t feel like this,” she said, shaking her head as she paced the living space of her apartment. “I used to love this apartment and now… I don’t even want to be here.”

“That’s fine,” he said, looking around the space. “When is your lease up?” he asked.

“Why?”

He shrugged and planted his hands on his lean hips as he looked over at her. “Stay with me,” he offered. She paused and turned back towards him from where she stood in the kitchenette. “I mean, you already have the key and you’ve been livin’ with me for almost three weeks now and… just stay,” he said.

Ellie took a breath, frowning as she shuffled her feet, giving him a small shrug. “I don’t know…”

“I don’t want you stayin’ some place where you don’t feel safe.”

Ellie winced, glancing out the window, feeling a lump rise in her throat. I don’t feel safe anywhere while he’s out there, she thought to herself.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she could hear Joel continuing to talk to her, but she was in a daze, her mind wandering back to that night when she’d been attacked. The events were blending with Joel’s voice telling her he loved her, that he wanted a life with her; “I want you to live with me.”

“What?” she asked softly, turning to see him standing next to her.

“I said…”

“No, I… I heard you…” she said, her mind still fuzzy as she turned her head away from him.

“Talk to me,” he said, trying to be gentle but he heard the sternness in his demand.

The sudden harsh tone in his voice had Ellie breaking away from her reverie. Ellie jerked away from his touch and he stood frozen, watching her pace away again until she whipped around and he saw the tear tracks on her cheeks. “He took something from me!” she exclaimed. “I don’t… I don’t feel safe anywhere! I decided to stop at the gas station the other day, and I was gonna go in and get us doughnuts and coffee, but there was a black SUV parked outside,” she told him, “so I sat in my car for almost ten minutes, waiting to see who the driver was because I wasn’t sure if it was him. I finally just gave up and just came back to your place.”

“Oh… Ellie…” he breathed.

She shook her head, wiping furiously at her eyes. “I don’t want to do this,” she admitted.

“Do what?”

“I don’t… want to go through with this trial. I don’t want this to drag out, knowing that he’s friends with half the police force in Austin, and probably has the judge in his pocket!” she shouted.

Joel could tell she was serious just by watching the agitation roll off her shoulders. Her hands were shaking as she wiped at her tears. “I’m so tired, Joel, and this hasn’t even started yet. I can’t look at him, I can’t be near him and… I don’t want to go back to work and…” she sniffled and she shook her head, letting her head hang between her shoulders.

Taking three long strides, Joel put himself in front of her, reaching for her hands to uncover her face. He leaned down to get into her line of view. “Look at me,” he said softly. She lifted her head, taking a shaky breath. “You don’t have to do anythin’ you don’t want to,” he reminded her. “We can end all of this with one phone call to Maria. You can call the whole thing off, quit your job, and go work at a private practice. Whatever you want, Ellie, I’m right there with you.”

She nodded, swallowing hard as she tried to speak. “I just…”

He shook his head, reaching up to brush a damp lock of hair off her cheek. “You need to do what’s best for you right now.”

Her eyes seemed to focus on a spot behind his shoulder then she blinked a few times and looked up at him, nodding slowly. “Can we just grab some of my stuff and get the fuck out of here?”

“Of course,” he said, taking her hand to lead her across the apartment.

“Then we can spend the rest of the day in bed?” she asked softly as she grabbed a duffel bag from her closet.

Joel let out a chuckle and nodded. “Of course,” he agreed, then helped her pack and had them out of there fifteen minutes later.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

March

Ellie sat on a bench outside of the courtroom waiting to be called inside. Today was the day that Dr. Davis was to appear in court with his plea. They’d been in and out of meetings with lawyers and counselors on the matter but were finally going before the judge. Unfortunately for Ellie, it was the same judge who had warned her that domestic cases rarely saw a jury because it was difficult to prove assault. While Maria had argued that this was not a domestic case, they had once again been warned that it would be an uphill battle no matter how “she chose” to word the situation. Maria had told Ellie that if Davis pled not guilty, they would move forward with a trial.

Maria and Davis’s lawyers had gone in to discuss some matters with the judge and had told Ellie to call for security if anyone – especially Davis – were to approach her.

Peering down at her phone, Ellie smiled softly at Joel’s encouraging texts, letting her know that he would drop everything and come to the courtroom.

I’ll just sit in the back and mind my own business.

By that you mean, put a fist in his face, right?

My fist doesn’t know how to mind its business, sugar.

Ellie smiled, shaking her head. She told him she was fine; Maria had her back and that she’d see him for dinner.

After sliding her phone into her purse, she lifted her head and saw him coming towards her. “Don’t… make a scene,” Dr. Davis said, holding up his hands in a mock gesture of surrender. “I just want to talk.”

“My lawyer said I don’t have to talk to you,” she said, moving to stand but he stepped closer and peered down at her, making Ellie shrink in her seat.

“Your lawyer who is marrying your boyfriend’s brother?” he replied. “That sounds sticky and complicated, Ellie,” he said, and she winced at his use of her name. “You don’t have to do this,” he said in a condescendingly gentle tone. “We can work this out, just you and me.”

“That’s what you said the night you nearly dislocated my shoulder and gave me a split lip,” she spat.

Before she could stand up, he was standing toe-to-toe with her, leaning over her small frame where she sat on the bench. “They won’t let you back to work at County Hospital,” he told her, “not after what you’ve done to drive away their best trauma surgeon. But, you know, I heard St. Mary’s is looking for another nurse on staff,” he said, a slow smile spreading on his face.

St. Mary’s was the hospital on the other side of Austin that had paid out Davis’s contract with County Hospital. He was their new star trauma surgeon.

“I could have a headhunter contact you,” he said, leaning down closer to her face. Ellie turned her face away, refusing to meet his cold, blue stare. “We work so well together.”

Ellie swallowed hard, shaking her head at his suggestion. “Fuck off,” she said, pulling her head back. “Get away from me, or I’m going to scream,” she warned.

He pulled his head back a few inches and smirked. “I like a good fight,” he said softly.

The sound of approaching footsteps had Davis stepping away from her. Ellie turned her head and saw a security guard patrolling the hallway; he walked right by them, but both she and Davis knew it would take one word from her and the guard would stay. “Think about what I said, Ellie,” he said, giving her a nod before he turned and went into the courtroom.

Taking a breath, Ellie tried to control her shaking hands as she reached into her bag for her phone. She glanced up and down the hall, noting that she was indeed alone. She tapped out her passcode and opened her contacts list, her finger hovering over a familiar name. She swallowed hard, feeling the tears in her eyes as she looked up and saw the courtroom doors still closed.

Closing her eyes, Ellie heard Joel’s familiar, comforting voice soothing her nerves. “You need to do what’s best for you right now,” he’d told her in her apartment after she’d confessed how unsafe she felt.

This wasn’t going to go away, she realized. If this case proceeded but he didn’t go to prison, Dr. Davis was always going to be right there, one step ahead of her in her career. He was always going to know where she worked, and always be able to follow her home, no matter where she lived. Ellie didn’t know how to feel safe with him around.

Wiping at her eyes, Ellie tapped the screen and held the phone up to her ear, listening to the tone before the call was answered. “Hey, Marlene; it’s me…”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

April

After Davis’s not-guilty plea was entered into the record, Maria and Ellie decided to proceed with a trial. It was going to be a long, arduous task, likely to take several months before a jury was even selected. While the hospital agreed that her job would be waiting for her for the time being, her return to work was also predicated on her signing the non-disclosure and settling with Dr. Davis’s lawyers over what they continued to refer to as a defamation case.

So far, Ellie was refusing to sign and even her union representative was wary of her decision.

It was several weeks later and the case was in limbo while each side gathered witnesses and testimony. Maria was working hard day and night to build a case for Ellie, but as each day passed, Ellie withdrew a little more from her friends and even Joel.

He texted her from a job site one Friday in early spring, asking if she wanted some company that evening. He and Tommy were planning to end their day early and Joel wanted to get his grill cleaned and put to good use.

I can run to the store and get some dinner food, Ellie texted.

If you feel up to it. I can always go after work.

Nope. It’ll be good for me to get out. Just text me what you want.

There was a long silence before she received another text. Meat. All the meat. And corn. And potatoes.

Ellie frowned down at the screen and was about to reply when Joel texted again.

That was Tommy, he doesn’t like green food.

Right. Tell him just for that I’m making him a salad with ALL the greens.

He says you’re the worst and I’m quoting him. See you tonight, sugar. Love you.

Ellie smirked at the text, shaking her head as she sent back a reply and then headed to the store.

What she hadn’t expected was the debilitating reaction she would have when she saw two black SUVs in the parking lot at the grocery store. She swallowed hard and rubbed her hands on her leggings, looking around the parking lot for a familiar owner of one of the trucks.

I can’t keep living like this, she thought with tears in her eyes. She drove over to the far end of the parking lot, situating her car under a shady tree before she pulled out her phone and called Marlene. “I didn’t expect to hear from you, to be honest,” Marlene said. “I saw your case was going to trial and didn’t think you needed me anymore.”

Ellie could hear voices in the background, the hustle and bustle of Marlene’s day. “Yeah, well, I… I thought about your offer and I want to hear more,” Ellie said.

“Ellie, I can get you out of there tonight if you need me to,” Marlene reminded her. “Just say the word…”

“No,” Ellie interrupted. “No, I can’t do that to… I would need to give notice at work and I need to… to tell Joel,” she said softly.

Marlene hummed and Ellie heard her tapping on a keyboard. “Listen, give me a little more time. I didn’t think you were taking me seriously. I can make it happen though,” she promised.

“Okay,” Ellie said, fiddling with the keys to her car. “Thank you,” she said simply.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

A few hours later, Ellie was arranging plates and flatware on the tablecloth that covered the large picnic table in the backyard. She was feeling a little lighter like a weight was slowly lifting off her shoulders. For the first time in weeks, she was just smiling to herself, enjoying the simple things that came with living with her boyfriend. “Good idea, right sugar?” Joel said, standing close behind her.

She smiled over her shoulder and took a step back closer to him. In the weeks since the incident, Joel had taken to letting Ellie decide if she wanted to be closer to him; his touch, his embrace, his mere presence. While Ellie appreciated the gesture, part of her wanted Joel to just be himself again, wrapping her up in his arms, holding her close without making her make the decision.

He did, indeed, wrap his arms around her, letting her rest her head back on his chest. “This was a good idea,” Ellie agreed, curling her arms around his. “Joel…” she said, biting her lip, hesitating with what she needed to tell him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, swaying them slowly as he held her.

She sighed softly and changed her mind at the last minute. “I miss you,” she said softly, her fingers tracing idle patterns along his forearm.

“I’m right here,” he assured her.

Ellie turned in his arms, her eyes roaming over his handsome face, his eyes watching hers. “No, I mean…” she took a breath, her tongue moistening her lips. “I miss you… I miss… us,” she said, running her finger along the line of his beard.

Joel took a steadying breath and nodded slowly. “I’m still right here,” he said again, pressing a kiss to the pad of her thumb as she traced along his bottom lip.

“I… I want you to touch me when you want to. I need you to stop hesitating and… take control,” she breathed. “I need you and… I need you to touch me and hold me and…”

He didn’t miss the spark in her eyes, the little suggestive smile that played on her lips. “I can tell my brother to fuck off,” he offered, running his hands down her arms, gripping her waist before his hands continued to roam. “I can feed him tomorrow?” he all but growled, his fingers digging into Ellie’s hips.

Ellie laughed and shook her head, lifting her arm to glance at her watch. “No but… if you let the grill heat up a little more and we hurry…”

“Fuck hurryin’; I just took the meat out of the fridge,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to her lips, “we have plenty of time.”

Joel grunted and grabbed her hips, hoisting her up and over his shoulder as he carried her into the house. “Joel!” she squealed, her fists grabbing at the back of his shirt as he all but ran up the steps. “You’re gonna reinjure your side,” she laughed as he carried her into his room – their room.

“No, no,” he insisted, giving her a swat on the rear end, “I was discharged from medical services, given the all-clear, and there’s no Nurse Williams allowed in this house… unless you wanna play dress-up as a naughty nurse,” he said, kicking the door shut behind them.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Sometime later, Ellie dashed downstairs, fiddling with her bangs as she checked herself in the mirror, and then she made her way through the kitchen towards the backdoor. Maria was lounging in one of the deck chairs while Joel and Tommy were arguing over how to position the meat on the grill. Ellie emerged and walked over to sit beside Maria with a small smile.

Maria sipped on a glass of ice water, her eyes roaming over Ellie for a moment before she arched an eyebrow. “Your cheeks are flushed,” she observed. “You need some sunblock?”

Ellie lifted her hands to her warm cheeks and she shook her head, trying to stifle a giggle as she glanced over at Joel who winked in her direction.

Maria followed her gaze and she let out a chuckle. “Joel, you’re shirt’s on inside out.”

Joel pulled his shirt out, looking to find it was, indeed, inside out. “Son of a…”

“That’s why you didn’t answer the door?” Tommy shouted, giving him a shove.

Once dinner was ready, Ellie brought out a large salad, complete with every green she could gather at the store. “Just for you,” she smiled at Tommy, who shook his head as he loaded up his grilled potato.

Even though Tommy knew exactly what his brother and Ellie had been up to before his arrival, Tommy noted that Ellie was still quiet and somewhat withdrawn. Joel had offered a toast to the engaged couple, noting that it was probably the last time they would be over before the wedding. Tommy kicked at Joel’s shins, calling him a softy. Ellie picked at her food, smiling along with the conversation, but didn’t have much to contribute.

Clearing his throat, Tommy decided he’d had enough. “Hey, Joel, did you hear that cousin Bobby moved back to town?”

Joel frowned, shaking his head as he took a pull of his beer. “Didn’t even know he’d left. What’s he up to?”

“I’m glad you asked,” Tommy grinned, leaning closer to his brother, speaking in softer tones, but loud enough for Ellie to hear. “I know you’ve been lookin’ to add someone else to the crew and…”

“I don’t want to talk work,” Joel insisted, cutting another piece of his steak. “It’s Friday, man.”

Tommy shook his head, sneaking a glance at Ellie who was watching Tommy out of the corner of her eye. He smirked and gestured at Joel with his fork. “You know, he owns that cement truck…” Tommy said, arching an eyebrow when Joel looked at him again. “Not a bad thing to have for our… crew,” he said, glancing at Ellie again who was now staring at Tommy. “Not a bad thing to have… a cement truck… and the lake is nearby and…”

“What the fuck are you goin’ on about, Tommy?” Joel asked, glancing over at Ellie whose eyes were wide at the insinuation.

“It was… supposed to be a joke… it’s not goin’ over very well…” Tommy admitted.

“It wasn’t very well executed,” Ellie chided, shaking her head as she went back to eating her dinner.

Tommy slumped over as Maria cast him a look. “I’m going to pretend that I didn’t just hear you suggest that you and your brother hire your cement truck-owning cousin to do… whatever is going on in your brain…”

“Was a joke,” Tommy grumbled, but no one was laughing. He huffed and shoveled a forkful of potato in his mouth.

Ellie lifted her head, looking around the table. “Did… did you guys know that The Pentagon was originally supposed to be The Octagon?”

There was a moment of silence before Joel lifted his head, giving her a curious look. “Is that true?”

Ellie pressed her lips together as she nodded. “Yup, it’s true, but… the contractor kept cutting corners.”

That did Tommy in and he snorted beer out of his nose, reaching desperately for his napkin while Ellie and Maria cackled. “Oh, my god,” Maria laughed, lifting her phone to snap a photo of her sputtering fiancé.

Even Joel laughed out loud, seeing his brother coughing, tears running down his face from having beer come out of his nose. “You better text me that photo,” he told Maria.

“Hate you all,” Tommy grumbled, coughing as he went into the house to clean up.

Maria showed them both the photo which started another round of raucous laughter before she texted everyone the photo. Joel smiled at Ellie as he saw her laughing and felt himself let out a sigh of relief at her cracking one of her terrible jokes. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the side of her head, knowing that despite everything, his Ellie was still there.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

May

Ellie walked up the steps of the ornate church, holding her slate blue, silk clutch in one hand and a simple white tote in the other. She peered up at the cross as she passed under the entryway, hoping she didn’t catch on fire as she crossed the threshold; Ellie couldn’t honestly recount the last time – if ever – she was in a church.

An usher was standing near the entryway, wearing a gray tuxedo with periwinkle accents. He smiled at Ellie and offered her an ivory-colored program for the wedding. She thanked him and was promptly stopped by a young woman wearing a silk periwinkle dress that complimented the usher. “Are you Ellie?” she asked to which Ellie nodded. “I’m Maria’s cousin, and they asked me to look out for you. They’re in the back room and wanted you to join them,” she said.

Ellie was confused but she smiled and walked past the pews, heading towards the back of the church.

For the first time in weeks, Ellie felt like she had some modicum of a bounce in her step. While she didn’t want to discuss business with Maria on her wedding day, Ellie was sure that the subject would come up at some point.

Now, if she could only find the courage to talk to Joel about all this.

An older man and woman, Maria’s parents, emerged from the back room, smiling at Ellie – everyone was so happy today, Ellie noted, which of course they would be smiling, it was a wedding. She let a bridesmaid know who she was but before she could find Maria and Tommy’s respective families, she felt a warm, heavy hand on her shoulder. “I got her,” Joel said, gently turning Ellie towards him. “My god, Ellie,” he smiled down at her, “I almost didn’t want to turn you around because… damn, you look gorgeous. But… even better gettin’ a look at you from the front, too.” He was beaming as he held her hand and looked her over.

Ellie felt her cheeks flush as he held her hand up and encouraged her to spin slowly. Never one to be particularly fond of dresses, Ellie was wearing a slate blue, silk jumpsuit. The off-the-shoulder short sleeves were ruffled and the pants flared down from her thighs. “This is so pretty,” he admired, his fingers reaching for her waist where a silky, chiffon drape hung to her ankle.

Setting her bag and clutch down on a small table, Ellie reached up and fiddled with Joel’s periwinkle silk bowtie. “You clean up quite well yourself, Mr. Miller,” she said softly.

Joel grunted, arching an eyebrow at her. “What have we talked about? Calling me Mr. Miller like that?” he chided gently, his fingers continuing to linger at the silk drape at her hip. He stepped back for a moment and looked her over again. “Hey… we complement each other,” he noted.

Ellie laughed softly, patting him on the arm. “That’s the idea, silly man,” she told him, leaning up to press a soft kiss to his cheek. “One of the bridesmaids told me to come back here.”

“Oh, right,” he said, taking her hand. “I don’t know what Tommy is up to, but he said to come back after Maria had some time with her parents. Sarah’s here, too,” he said, taking her bags for her as he led her to a small room.

Sarah came walking over and the two women embraced. “You look so pretty,” Ellie smiled, looking over Sarah’s bridesmaid dress. The single-shoulder, a-line dress silk dress draped and flowed to the floor, and Sarah beamed at the compliment.

“Maria,” she called, admiring Ellie’s outfit. “Look at this jumpsuit,” she gushed. “Next time you get married, we’re wearing jumpsuits,” Sarah declared.

Tommy turned around from where he’d been adjusting his bowtie and his jaw dropped open. “Did you… what did you just say?” he stuttered at his niece.

Maria touched his arm, rolling her eyes while Joel barked out a laugh. Ellie smiled and squeezed Sarah’s hand before she walked over and embraced Maria. Her ivory silk gown was lovely but understated, much like the bride herself. The horror that Ellie had faced and Maria’s fierce defense and loyalty had brought the two women closer together than either could have imagined. “This is the brightest I’ve seen you smile in a long time,” she said, squeezing Ellie.

Ellie nodded then pulled back. “You look beautiful,” she said then turned to Tommy who held his arms out for her. “And you look very handsome for your first wedding,” she teased, hugging Tommy.

“Gonna be a runnin’ gag now, huh?” he grumbled.

Joel reached out and took Ellie’s hand as Tommy passed out glasses of champagne. “We only have a minute before we have to separate.”

“Speaking of,” Joel said, his arm around Ellie’s waist as he took a glass from his brother, “it’s bad luck to see the bride before the weddin’.”

“Well, seein’ as I’m only her first husband now,” Tommy snarked, shooting Sarah a look, “none of that matters. But, we wanted to see y’all before the weddin’ just so we could thank you for puttin’ up with us all this time and for… you know, everythin’,” he said, clearing his throat.

Joel chuckled as his brother started to choke up. “Been a long time comin’ for both of you,” he said, holding up his glass in a salute. “Do you know how many times I returned the swatches for this vest,” he said, looking down at the material.

Ellie turned and smiled up at Joel and he kissed her forehead.

“Well, the other reason we wanted to see you before the ceremony is because we have news,” Maria said.

Sarah let out a squeal and bounced as well as she could in her heels. “You don’t have champagne!” she shouted at Maria.

“Shut up,” Maria insisted, looking towards the door. “Yes, I’m pregnant,” she said.

Joel’s eyes went wide and he looked over at his brother who nodded, a goofy smile plastered on his face. Sarah launched herself at Maria, clinging to her as she squealed and continued to bounce. “She’s just over thirteen weeks along,” Tommy said.

Stepping away from Ellie, Joel embraced his brother, clapping him on his back. “Nice job,” he chuckled, leaning over to kiss Maria’s cheek.

Ellie walked over picked up the white canvas bag she’d been carrying and handed it to Maria with a smile. “I’ve seen this tucked in your car and you’ve been carrying this around for a few weeks now,” Maria said, peering into the bag. “What is… hey…”

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for you to say something,” Ellie said with a shrug. Maria pulled out a small stack of pregnancy and new parent books. “They’re just a few of my personal favorites from when I was in school; they helped me with my classes and rounds in the maternity ward.”

Maria smiled and Tommy held out a handkerchief for her. “I cry at the drop of a hat,” she sighed, dabbing at her eyes. “Wait, so how did you know?”

“I’m a nurse,” she reminded them and gave Maria a look over. “You’ve been nauseated and sweaty at our meetings for a while. Plus, your boobs are…” she gave Maria the once over and earned a laugh from the small group. “I’ve just been waiting for you to say something, but yeah, I’ve known,” she admitted.

Maria handed the bag to Tommy and embraced Ellie again. “Thank you,” she said softly, then spoke close to Ellie’s ear. “I know you did something, and I want you to tell me when you’re ready.”

Pulling back, Ellie held Maria’s forearms, swallowing hard as she nodded. “I… I took care of me,” she said.

“Good,” Maria said seriously. “Now, let’s go get me married,” she insisted.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The new Mr. and Mrs. Miller were dancing with one another while the wedding guests enjoyed their dinner and drinks, family and friends congregating around the wedding hall. Champagne was flowing, the band was lively, and the guests were enjoying themselves.

Ellie had been introduced to various members of Joel’s extended family who had come from all over Texas for the wedding. “You have so many cousins,” she said, holding his arm as he walked with her between the tables.

After the formalities of the ceremony and the beginning of the reception, Joel had shed his jacket and bowtie, the sleeves of his crisp white shirt cuffed up his forearms. Ellie suspected the vest was next to go as he’d unbuttoned it and was heading back towards the head table. “I’ve lost track of how many cousins there are and how many of them have reproduced,” he told her.

Joel did, indeed remove his vest and drape it over the back of his chair before he took Ellie’s hand and walked her towards the bar. “Now, seein’ as we’re stayin’ here tonight,” he smiled down at her, “I’m not stoppin’ yet,” he laughed, ordering himself another beer. “What do you want?”

“I need to slow down,” Ellie laughed, “remember, I’m a lightweight.”

Joel reached out with both hands, his fingers brushing her loose auburn hair back from her face. “I haven’t heard you laugh this much in a long time, sweetheart,” he said, stepping closer to her.

She nodded, reaching for his waist as she closed her eyes, existing in his space as his fingers continued to stroke her cheeks and back through her hair. “I know,” she sighed, leaning into his touch as he cupped her cheek. “It’s been a long few months,” she agreed.

The band began to play another ballad and Joel pulled her away from the bar, giving her a twirl before he pulled her against his body, his long arm wrapped around her waist as he held her other hand in his. “Dance with me, darlin’,” he smiled down at her.

He held her close, her cheek resting on his chest as they swayed slowly to the music right where they stood in the quiet corner of the ballroom. “Do you… think about this?” he asked softly.

Ellie’s fingers curled around his bicep at his question. She knew what he was asking her: did she think about getting married? Did she think about them…? “Sometimes,” she breathed.

“Good,” he said, stroking his large palm down her hair. “I want you to be happy, Ellie,” he said. “Ever since I laid eyes on you by the bank of coffee urns,” he chuckled, “I just want to make you happy.”

Ellie squeezed her eyes shut and clung to him, their swaying slowing to a stop. She didn’t want to do this now, not at his brother’s wedding. “Ellie…” he said softly, reaching for her arms to pull her back from him.

“Joel, don’t…” she begged, turning her face away from his gaze even though he tucked his finger under her chin and gently encouraged her to lift her face. “Please…”

Joel lifted his head, looking around at the distracted crowd of wedding guests. “Come on,” he said, tugging on her hand, pulling her through a side door and out into the hotel lobby. He walked over to a small, chaise lounge, encouraging her to sit beside him. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his eyes fixed on her face.

Ellie swallowed hard, casting her eyes towards the ceiling to reign in her tears. “Fuck, I wasn’t going to do this at your brother’s wedding,” she said. “I didn’t think I’d even get word of anything until at least next week, but it all happened so fast and I just found out while I was driving to the church,” she rambled on.

“Ellie, what happened?” he asked, feeling a trickle of fear run down his spine.

Taking a breath, Ellie grasped his hands and her eyes met his. “On Monday, I’m gonna have Maria drop the charges,” she said.

His eyes went wide and he shook his head. “No… no, Ellie.”

“Listen to me,” she implored. “I can’t do this anymore; the waiting, the uncertainty, the fear,” she said, squeezing his fingers. “Davis has the judge and half the police force in his pocket, Joel. The few people Maria has on my side even admit that the injuries from that night aren’t enough to prove assault. The women I worked with can’t come forward because of the non-disclosures they signed. This case is going to be dead in the water the moment the trial begins,” she said.

Joel was shaking his head, his leg bouncing as the nervous energy began to build up. He needed to stand up, needed to pace, needed to hit something – preferably that surgeon’s smug face, he thought.

“He’s gonna walk, Joel. He’s already out, already working at another hospital and he’s already moved on,” Ellie said. “I can’t go back to my job,” she told him.

“Why not?”

“I won’t sign the non-disclosure for the hospital lawsuit,” she said. “My contract is set for renewal next month, and I’ve been informed by the nurses’ union that there’s no intention from County Hospital to renegotiate my contract. They’re gonna let me go.”

“Oh… baby,” he said, reaching up to touch her cheek. “I didn’t… why didn’t you say somethin’?”

“I told you… all of this is happening so fast.” He watched her eyes shift, breaking contact with his as she took another breath. “Joel…”

“We’ll make it work,” he assured her. “You’re so talented and you’re such a hard worker, someone is gonna scoop you right up and… and…” he searched her face as she lifted her face again. He was able to see the tears swimming in her green eyes.

“I have another job lined up,” she said softly. “After my run-in with Dr. Davis at the courthouse, I called Marlene,” she told him.

Joel recalled that Marlene was a friend of Ellie’s mother, someone who had taken Ellie in after her father had taken off. Ellie had lived with Marlene until she’d graduated high school and then she’d moved for school and consequently her career. Joel felt his heart ramming in his chest because he couldn’t fathom what Marlene could do to help her seeing as she lived in Boston.

“Marlene is somewhat of an entrepreneur,” Ellie told him. “She owns several female-run businesses, her companies sponsor scholarships for girls in various degrees of study, and she owns several women’s clinics in and around Boston.” Ellie took a breath, twisting her fingers in her lap as she spoke. “She made some calls and there’s a position for me in one of her clinics; I would be working with women who’ve been in similar situations that I went through, worse situations. I can… help,” she said.

There was a look in her eyes and Joel held his breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. “The clinic is in Boston.”

Joel reached for her fingers. “Baby, you can do that here,” he reasoned. “There are…”

Ellie gripped his hand and shook her head. “No… I can’t… stay here,” she said, her voice cracking. “Davis knew that the hospital wasn’t going to renew my contract, maybe he even engineered it, I’ll never know. But, that day in the courthouse, he also said maybe St. Mary’s Hospital is looking for a new nurse, maybe even someone with trauma training.”

Joel’s nostrils flared and he saw red. “That son-of-a-bitch, I’m gonna put my fist…”

“No, you’re not,” Ellie finished. “I couldn’t finish what I started; I can’t win against him in court. And unfortunately, that means there are other young women in his path now. But, Maria still has my case, my medical records, and my testimony and if anything happens, she’ll be there to defend his next victim and hopefully get him behind bars. I can’t win, Joel, and I can’t stay here, either,” she said.

“Ellie, no…” he started, feeling his voice stick in his throat.

“I can’t live my life fearing that every time I pull into the gas station to get you coffee, he might be there. I can’t live fearing that if one of us gets in an accident, he might be the doctor on call. I can’t live in fear every time I leave the house. I just… I can’t,” she said, hot tears on her cheeks.

But, what about me? he selfishly thought, what about us?

“I don’t want to do this,” she told him, “but I need a clean start. I need to change the narrative on what happened to me; I need it to make a difference,” her voice cracked on a sob.

“I know,” he breathed, moving closer to her on the couch. He draped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest. “I know,” he said.

His arms came around her and she cried softly into his chest. “I love you,” she cried, “but… I have to do this for me… to fix me.”

He pressed his lips to the crown of her head, unable to form the words to tell her that he loved her, too; that he would do anything for her. He wanted to tell her that he would protect her, keep her safe in his home, and help her recover from this trauma. He wanted to tell her that he wanted a life with her, wanted to marry her, and start a family with her. But she was already pulling away, already making plans that didn’t include him, plans to heal that didn’t include him.

What he didn’t know was that Ellie didn’t know how to ask him to come with her. She didn’t know how to ask him to love her enough to leave behind everything and come away with her so they could start a new life together. She didn’t believe herself to be worthy of that kind of love and devotion, so she didn’t dare ask that of him.

Joel held her tight, rocking her slowly in his arms as he heard the sounds of the wedding celebration reverberating through the wall and down the hall. While Tommy and Maria were celebrating their new life together with their family and friends, Joel was contemplating:

What do I do now?