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Tessa slid into a quiet booth near the back of the small pub. Quiet was a relative term as other patrons buzzed around her clinking glasses, laughing at stories and calling to friends. Beyond them an attractive dark-haired Irishman sat on a bar stool with a guitar, crooning songs about lost loves and odes to Guinness. The rest of his band members stood and sat around him. Another singer, a woman with tight curls in her auburn hair. A second male guitarist who chimed in with an occasional heartfelt ‘yeah’. Behind them a third man thumped away on drums, dictating the pace of the song.
Tessa had discovered the pub by accident. It was her last night in Toronto, after finishing up at a conference which she had been invited to attend alone. Even though she had much more practice flying solo now than in the past, it still unnerved her. If her memory failed her on a certain point she no longer had her partner to fill in the details. If she tired or found something difficult to talk about, he wasn’t there to take over.
But more than the convenience of his ready charm, she just missed him. Missed his eyes sparkling at her, his hidden jabs to her knees when he found something amusing. His fist curling into a clench when he was saddened or unnerved by something only she understood or remembered. Without him, she was missing a part of herself too large to fathom. A missing limb didn’t seem quite strong enough in comparison. Missing a kidney? Missing a heart?
Tessa drew her thumb down the cold wet glass. A snaking pattern of larger droplets followed her digit to the heavy base. It wasn’t her usual order, but Guinness seemed required by her surroundings. She found it an unusual taste, not unpleasant necessarily, but it probably wouldn’t be making her list of top ten beverage choices any day soon.
She wondered where he was. Asleep in his bed a few hours’ drive away, maybe. Maybe he was in a similar pub or bar back home, cheering on some team and laughing with friends as intoxicated by life and alcohol as he was. She giggled at a recent memory of him jumping on a table and dropping to his knees, declaring himself to be king. He’d looked about him and dragged her onto the table next to him, crowning her queen. It had been funny. His declarations were usually amusing, but they also carried a sadness. They were never real. Not completely. She chose to enjoy them for what they were. ‘I love you, Tessa.’ But only this far. ‘My Tessa’, but not how that sounded to the majority of the population.
She had needed a night out. To free herself of the hotel room and conference hall. To go somewhere she didn’t miss him quite so much because he wasn’t meant to be there. But where was that? Feeling somewhat subdued, she had dressed in a black band shirt and black sweater over dark jeans. A black winter coat had completed the outfit along with her boots, a grey patterned scarf, and simple silver earrings. Her mother’s voice had tsk’d at the plethora of dark colours, but she’d brushed her off and had wandered down a few streets near her hotel until this pub had presented itself as a good idea.
And it was. The band was a perfect mixture of fun and melancholy that fit her mood. The staff greeted her with bright smiles and the other patrons gave welcoming nods. Despite there being a definite air of locals and regulars, Tessa didn’t feel a bit out of place.
She drained her glass and sat back to listen and watch the band. She let her eyes drift closed and the song sweep into her heart.
“Hey there, cutie.” A voice called and she felt him lean on her table. Her eyes shot open. Scott was smiling down at her. “Can I buy you a drink?”
Her eyes lit up at the sight of him and she giggled. “Does that line usually work for you?”
“More often than you’d expect.” He nodded and swayed over the table. He lowered his head and raised an enticing eyebrow at her. “Does it work on you?”
“Why not?” She giggled again and covered her mouth with her hand.
“Nice.” He grinned and pointed to her glass. “Want another one of them?”
Tessa shook her head. “But I’m not sure what else they have.”
“Let me get you something?”
Tessa nodded and Scott pushed away, patting the top of the booth. She watched as he sauntered to the bar and bent over it to talk to the barman who grinned with a confident, “Right, you are.”
What was he doing here? Tessa’s curiosity burned. ‘Out of all the pubs in all the world, you had to walk into mine.’ She chuckled at the misquote as it hovered through her mind.
He was soon back with two near to overflowing glasses. He placed them with care onto the wooden table. A Guinness for himself and something else similar which he slid over the table for her. She sniffed at it. She could smell… apples?
“It’s cider.” He informed her, convinced his choice would meet her approval.
She frowned. It didn’t smell like any cider she’d ever had.
“Trust me, this is the good stuff.” He nodded to her glass and lifted his own. “Go on.”
Tessa gave her glass a wary glance and drew it to her mouth. There were apples, alright. But he was right. This tasted like nothing she’d had before. It was full and enticing and it made her crave more as it danced over her tastebuds and down her throat.
“Wow.” She breathed.
“Yup.” Scott grinned and took another pull of Guinness. “So what’s your name?”
Tessa laughed and rolled her eyes. What game was he playing? He raised an eyebrow and she decided that whatever it was, she wanted to play, too. But as she couldn’t think of a name for herself beyond ‘Apple’, she asked, “What do you think my name is?”
“Hmm.” He looked thoughtful for a second and then announced, “Theodora.”
She laughed. “Wow. How did you know?”
Scott grinned. “So, Theodora, what do you think my name is?”
Tessa thought for a few minutes, her eyes skipping about the pub for inspiration. A name drifted into her mind and she smirked at it.
“Gerald.” She grinned, “I think you look like a Gerald.”
Scott gave her a slight frown before a resigned nod. “Yep, Gerald. My parents didn’t love me and thought they might get a shoe in on Great Uncle Gerald’s money.”
Tessa laughed.
“Well, what brings you to this lovely pub with all of its dark wood décor and… green painted bits?”
Tessa burst into more laughter. When she calmed she explained that she’d been at a conference and had wanted an escape for the evening. As her friends in Toronto had all been occupied she had ventured out on her own.
“Ah, all the gossipy old ladies getting you down, huh? Too many questions about your handsome business partner, no doubt.”
“What makes you think I have a handsome business partner?” Tessa raised a haughty brow.
“I don’t know,” Scott backtracked. “You just seem the type to have one.”
“Well, I don’t.” She smoothed her hair back off her shoulder. “No partner, business or otherwise.” She gave him a forlorn look, letting her lower lip wobble a tiny bit. “I mean, you don’t see anyone, do you? I like to think that if I had a partner, he wouldn’t leave me to face old ladies alone.”
“I’m sure that, if he existed, he would be very sad that he’d had to do so.” Scott confirmed. “He’d probably be really annoyed whenever separate invitations turned up.”
They fell silent and Tessa studied her cider.
Scott inched his hand over the table toward hers and brushed her fingers. She let her hand roll side on so he could link them together. His thumb smoothed over the back of her hand.
“Want to go for a walk, Theodora?” He asked as he drained the last of his Guinness.
Why not? she thought. She still didn’t know what he was doing here and she wasn’t about to let him disappear without finding out. Besides, this pretending to be other people for a while was fun.
“Okay,” she agreed and emptied her own glass.
They donned their winter coats, gloves and scarves, and made for the snowy city. She let him choose their path and soon they were wandering along the nearby water’s edge with other late night denizens. Couples drifted along, hand in hand, some quiet, some laughing. Groups of friends joked and teased, throwing bits of snow at each other.
Tessa and Scott didn’t hold hands. Or perhaps Theodora and Gerald didn’t.
“What job do you do, Theodora?” Scott inquired.
“I’m a lawyer.” Tessa smiled, reaching for one of her childhood dreams. “You?”
Scott followed her line of thought and announced himself to be a police officer.
“I guess we’re on the same side, then.” Tessa teased.
“Sure,” Scott nodded. “As long as you defend the innocent and not the guilty. I don’t want to go through all the hard work of catching the criminals only for you to let them go.”
“I’m on the side of the truth.” She announced primly.
They came to a small makeshift rink that had been set up in a park and paused to watch the skaters.
“I wish I had my skates with me.” Tessa gazed at the ice with longing. Even after all this time the bite and slide of it beneath her blades was one of her favourite feelings and sounds.
“Do you skate?” Scott studied her under her snow dusted hat.
“Hmm.” She smiled at the fabrication. “A little bit. Not often, but I try to get out at least a few times each winter. Do you?”
“A bit.” He nodded. “I mean, I can move forwards and that seems like enough. Stopping is an issue though. Mostly I use snow drifts and the edges of rinks to stop.”
Tessa laughed at the image of him hurtling into boards at top speed.
“You might need some lessons on that, Gerald.” She grinned.
Scott chuckled. “You going to teach me?”
“Maybe.” She laughed and stepped away from the rink, waiting for him to follow her and continue their walk.
The snow crunched under their boots. Mist hovered over the lake and tiny lights shone from tree branches. The conversation developed, further and further into the elaborate and playful lie. Tessa marvelled at how easy it was to pretend to be Theodora. Just a single lawyer, who now had a lovely apartment full of tasteful cushions and flowers and wanted a cat but was prevented by building regulations. Just a girl who had met an interesting boy in a pub.
They neared the end of the boardwalk and Tessa spun around to see how far they’d walked. She spun too quickly and her foot caught on a patch of ice. She slid toward the wooden slats and would have hit them if his arms hadn’t shot out to catch her.
He held her up, his grip strong and unyielding as she righted herself. She looked up to find his face very close to hers.
“You okay?” He asked, his eyes falling to her lips and away again.
“Yeah. Thanks.” She tightened her grip on his arms before forcing herself to relax.
“Theodora.” His breath brushed warm against her lips before floating white into the air.
“Hmm?” Her fingers clenched again at his sleeves.
“I want to kiss you.” He admitted in a quiet murmur, uncertain it was something he was allowed to voice.
Tessa’s breath caught in her throat. Could they?
“Yes.” She whispered.
He hovered closer, lips brushing hers in the faintest of kisses.
“Kiss me.” She urged against his lips in a whisper he almost didn’t catch before the breeze blew it out over the lake.
But he did hear it and he grabbed at the opportunity before it fled from them. His mouth pressed against hers, cold lips mingling with warm breath. It wasn’t the first time they’d ever kissed, but it had been a long time since the last. Years even, if accidental brushes and chaste choreographed kisses weren’t counted.
The first kiss in a long time that was voluntary. The first that was wanted. The first that made thought fly from her mind. Nothing registered but his mouth on hers. His tongue sneaking between her lips as they parted in bliss. The first that made her knees weak and caused tingles to skitter between her legs. The first that begged for more and made her long to give it.
Tessa’s feet slipped again. She gave a surprised cry as they were yanked apart. Scott pulled her back up, looping his arms about her waist.
“Looks like ice doesn’t agree with you, Theodora.” Scott smirked.
“Only this kind.” Tessa pouted as her lungs fought for air.
Scott chuckled and teased. “Maybe you need to get boots with better tread.”
“Maybe.” She agreed with a sigh.
Scott grinned at her and fell serious again.
“That’s my hotel.” He pointed to a building a little way down the street. Tessa followed his finger to the newish grey brick building and it’s warmly lit lobby.
She pulled on his sleeve, the cold red fabric catching on her nails.
“Are you asking if I want to see your hotel room?”
Scott’s arms tightened around her waist. He looked from the distant building to the woman in his arms. He swallowed and took a breath. “Yes.” He watched her eyes for answers. “I am.”
Tessa caught her lips between her teeth, looking from him to the hotel and back. Could they have this? Could they possibly take the pretence this far? Two strangers having a one night stand. Maybe? All of this didn’t begin to touch on the knowledge dawning through her mind that he wanted her. She shivered with the realisation.
“What do you think?” His fingers pressed against her hip. “Theodora?”
“Yes.” She answered in measured syllables. “Why not?”
Why not. A dozen reasons sprang to mind to let her know the foolishness of this plan. She shoved them away.
“Okay.” He gave her a hesitant smile. She knew similar reasons were tugging at his mind. “Come on.” He released her waist and took her hand, leading her over the icy road and into the hotel.
The interior was nice. Neither posh nor rundown, just nice. Worn marble floors suggested the building had been here for at least fifty years, possibly more. A large pot housing a tall fern sat near a double set of elevators and an older woman, who possibly put use to a hairnet each night, smiled from the concierge desk.
A set of buttons with arrows sat between the elevators. Scott pushed the one pointing to the ceiling. He stood back next to Tessa and waited, swinging her hand closer to himself and away again. Somehow his nervousness was reassuring. At least they were on the same page.
Circles in a row above the elevator announced the floor numbers. They lit one at a time, counting down to the lobby. As the one with an L lit up a chime sounded and the doors of the elevator to their right trundled open.
Scott tugged her inside and pressed the button for his floor. Twelve. The doors struggled closed again and with a lurch the box rose toward the sky.
Tessa cleared her throat. She should say something. Someone should say something.
“Have you ever done this before, Gerald?”
“Ridden in an elevator?” He teased. “Yes, twice today, actually.”
“No.” Tessa giggled.
“Oh, had a one night stand?” He smirked and grinned at her shy nod. He grew serious again and answered with a quiet, “Yes.”
Tessa wondered who was answering her, Gerald or Scott. She thought Scott. She’d suspected on a couple of occasions that he had. He’d never told her about one and she’d never asked. Perhaps one day he’d tell her about it, but she wasn’t at all sure she wanted to know the details. Didn’t want to imagine him doing this with someone else. Hitting it off in a bar and taking her back to his room. Something else. She needed to think about something else.
As an answer to prayer, the circle for twelve shone down on them and the doors opened again. Tessa wondered if there was maintenance planned, not convinced that they’d be able to perform their apparently difficult job of opening and closing many more times.
She followed Scott down the hall and waited while he swiped his card through the door lock. So, some of the hotel had been refurbished. That was good to know.
Inside he pulled the hat from his head, tossing it to the small table and turned to help her with her coat. She unbuttoned and let him draw it from her shoulders to lay it over one of the chairs before removing his own coat. Tessa giggled. Such a gentleman.
Her boots were next. She bent to unlace and place them in a neat pair by the door. A tiny jump in her socks and she was out of the entryway. She unwrapped her scarf and lay it with her hat near her coat. She looked around his room while he rid himself of his boots.
It was small, not luxurious but definitely adequate. An attempt at updating the furnishings had been made about ten years ago, judging by the design of the table and chairs. A small kitchenette was tucked to the right of the entry, the table and two chairs on the opposite side. Small walls hid most of the rest of the room from view. Tessa ventured a little further to peak around. A door to what she assumed would be a small bathroom followed on from the kitchenette’s side. A TV sat on the wall above a set of drawers and a tall cupboard.
On the other side was the bed accompanied by two bedside tables. Tessa froze. The bed with its white and grey bedspread demanded she not ignore what they were about to do.
Scott stood behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders.
She panicked.
Whirling away from him, she grabbed her bag. She flung him an excuse, though in hindsight she needn’t have bothered, “I-I need to freshen up.” And darted to the bathroom.
Tessa leaned against the bathroom door as it closed. What were they doing? This was insane. What should she do? What should they do? Her mind was whirling with a million possibilities. Could the pretence hold? Could it give them a solid excuse? This could be an amazing night separate from their lives. Or they could crash and burn. In all her confusion she realised there was only one person she wanted to talk to about it.
She pulled her phone from her handbag and found his number. A short message flew from her fingers followed by a swift brush of the send button.
Are you there?
She heard the familiar series of beeps from the room beyond. A couple of seconds later the screen of her phone lit up.
Yep. What’s up?
She shut her eyes and swept a hand over her face.
I met a guy in a pub tonight. I think he wants to sleep with me. I really like him and I want to, but I’m not sure. What should I do?
She held the inside of her lip between her teeth and waited.
I think you should do what you want.
Tessa rolled her eyes at his towel on the rack. That wasn’t very helpful.
Her phone buzzed in her hand.
Tess. I love you. No matter what.
There it was. Her heart swelled in her throat and she clutched her phone to her chest. She knew she could walk out of this bathroom and sleep with him and he would love her. She could refuse and go back to her own hotel and he would love her.
Tessa tucked her phone away again and checked her makeup in the mirror. She was fine. She still wasn’t sure what her decision would be, but she gripped her bag tight and pulled open the door.
He was sitting on the side of the bed, feet flat on the floor and elbows to knees. His phone was cradled in his cupped hands. As she opened and closed the door, he sprang to his feet and shoved his phone onto the bedside table. Rubbing his palms down his hips, he waited to see what she would do.
Somewhere along the five steps it took to get from the bathroom door to standing in front of him her answer became yes. Yes, if this was all they ever had, then yes. She wanted him. She wanted this night.
She placed her bag on the floor near the bedside table and straightened up. She rested a hand against his chest, rose on the tips of her toes and kissed him.
Tessa blinked into the darkness as she woke. She was warm, wonderfully so. The crisp hotel covers were tucked under her chin. Her cheek smooshed against the pillow. Beneath her neck his arm spread out over the white, sheet-covered mattress. Her arm followed and his hand cradled hers. She experimented shifting her fingers, wriggling them between his. He remained still.
He was deep asleep. She twisted around to face him. Yep, as she had expected his face was buried against the pillow. All the muscles of his face and body in deep relaxation. She could probably pluck his eyebrows right now and he wouldn’t feel a thing. Tessa giggled at the idea and settled for brushing her fingertips over his brows instead.
She sobered as her fingers skimmed down his cheek to his chin.
“I wish I could stay.” She whispered, tracing his jawline.
He remained still, his arm a dead weight over her waist.
“Ask me to stay? Please?”
Nothing.
Tessa swallowed against the lump rising in her throat. She blinked against the tears threatening to course down her cheeks.
“I love you.” She whispered and leaned close to kiss the side of his unresponsive mouth.
“Goodbye.” Another kiss to his forehead and she squirmed herself free of his arms.
The air of the hotel room wasn’t cold by any means, but the difference between being snuggled against his warm body under the covers and standing here, naked with her toes burying into the carpet, had her shivering.
Taking care to make as little noise as possible, she gathered up her clothes and dressed. She slipped into the bathroom to check her hair and makeup. Not too bad, considering. She ran her fingers through the strands, getting it to sit a little better. It was only 3:24 according to her phone, who was she really going to see? Her plan was to get back to her own hotel as quickly as possible.
Ready to leave, Tessa turned back to smile a last goodbye at him. He’d shifted sometime in the past few minutes. Instead of being on his side, arms ready to embrace her, he’d shuffled onto his stomach. The covers pulled tight over his hips as he’d caught them mid roll. The muscles of his bare back rested in sculpted perfection beneath his skin.
She loved his back, not that she’d ever told him that. It was so strong and filled her with the feeling of absolute safety. In years past, she used to hide behind him, his back protecting her from the world. Her hands would clasp at his waist, her cheek between his shoulder blades as he grinned and answered questions she was too shy to even attempt.
Before too long, he would pull her out and present her to the world. Tucked under his arm, still half behind his back, she would smile and tighten her grip on the back of his shirt. When her fist started shaking against him he knew it was time to wrap the interview up. He would do so with a joke and all eyes turned toward himself and his sparkling charm.
She grew stronger as years went by and he would stand her in front of himself more and more. Still, people didn’t remember much of Tessa from their early years. She was more of a shadow behind his shining enthusiasm, which was how she liked it. It was a cliché but he really was the sort of person who could alter the mood of a room simply by stepping inside. People loved Scott. They loved his sass and ready wit, his beaming laughter. She couldn’t blame them. She loved him, too.
Tessa knelt on the bed at his side and bent to place a kiss between his shoulder blades. As her lips left his warm skin, she pressed her cheek against him. She let her eyes close in a moment of calm happiness. But only a moment. Soon she made herself rise.
Reaching up, she kissed his temple. She couldn’t reach his lips as he had tucked his face down between his shoulder and the pillow. Tessa smiled. He was like a duck. An adorable little duck. In deepest sleep he always found a way to hide his face from the world, whether it was under a pillow, his arm, or in her hair. The number of long flights they’d been on and hours spent waiting in lounges where he’d fallen asleep against her shoulder and hidden in her hair were too numerous to count.
She kissed his shoulder near his mouth and stood. Leave, Tessa, she thought to herself. Leave now. Every passing second made it harder. If she didn’t leave now she might never leave, and that would ruin everything. Everything they’d worked so hard for thrown aside because she didn’t have the strength to walk through a door.
Tessa wound her scarf tighter about her neck and lifted her handbag to her shoulder. She turned and forced her feet to move. Hands to turn the lock. Open the door. Go through. Close it. The heavy hotel door locked quiet but solid behind her. It was done. She was out. She made her way to the elevator and pressed the button for the lobby.
She didn’t see him stir as she opened the door. She didn’t see his eyes flicker open as she pulled it closed.
The elevator ride seemed much longer than it should have taken to coast past twelve floors. She leaned against the mirrored wall and allowed herself to register the temporary changes he’d wrought in her body. A twinge in the muscle at the top of her inner thigh. Perhaps she’d twisted in the wrong way as he’d gripped her leg. His hands, fingers touching her everywhere. Holding her. The memory of him deep within her had her grasp for the railing. She wondered how long she would be able to hold onto that feeling. His mouth on her skin. She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to commit every detail to memory.
A soft chime announced her to have reached her destination. Her boots tapped over the marble floor. The concierge desk was now vacant. No need for this to be a walk of shame, then. She pushed through the glass doors and out into the cold night.
The city’s lights shone through the darkness, lighting the snow as it drifted toward the sidewalks and streets. Little piles of snow banked against the street flower pots. She squeaked through it, making her way to the corner and hoped a taxi would appear before she froze.
Almost to the corner she shrieked and jumped, whirling around as a hand closed on her wrist. He drew near as the snow grew heavier. Scott. His hair dusted with white fluff. In his rush to catch her he’d thrown on no more than his jeans from earlier. His winter boots were unlaced and without socks. And his parka hung free of his body, letting his bare chest meet the biting cold.
“Come back.” He urged, pushing the parka against his chest.
Tessa hesitated. It had taken all she had to leave the first time. She wasn’t sure she could do it a second.
He grabbed for her other gloved hand and gave her a shaking tug. The cold gusts blew inside his parka once more and he shook.
“P-please.”
“Okay.” She nodded, anything to get him back inside. “Okay.” She reached to hold his parka closed for him and pushed him back toward the warm light of the hotel. He released one of her hands to wrap about himself, but kept a tight hold on the other.
Together they stumbled back into the hotel lobby and made for the elevators. Scott fished his room key out of his pocket and Tessa was glad he’d had the foresight to grab it. She shook the dusting of snow from her hat toward the hall floor while he opened the door.
Inside she waited in the entry. He kicked his boots off and swapped his parka for his earlier sweater.
“Okay, I’m back.” She crossed her arms over her chest. Now that he wasn’t at the mercy of the elements she felt the annoyance at her halted exit building within her. “Now what?”
“Just. Come in, would you?” He tugged on her coat.
Tessa sighed and removed it again, along with her boots. Now it was going to be even harder to leave.
He took her hand and led her back to the bed, pushing her to sit on the edge. He knelt before her on the floor. Both knees on the carpet, she noted and wasn’t sure what she thought of it. He took her hands, pulling off her gloves and holding them bare in his own.
He looked up at her and noticed her expression. “Oh don’t look at me like that, I’m not proposing.”
She felt an odd mixture of relief and disappointment flow through her. No, relief. She felt relief and shoved away the disappointment that had no right to be there.
“Sort of.” He mumbled.
Her eyebrows raised at that and fell into a curious frown.
He cleared his throat. “Here it is, Tess.” His grip on her hands tightened. “I love you.”
She grimaced and tried to pull away. I love you, but not like that. She didn’t want to hear it. Why had he dragged her back for this anyway?
“No.” He kept a tight hold on her hands and urged her to look at him again. “No, I do. I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. Tessa, I want to give this a try. I want to try for us. As a couple. Dating.” He searched for more words to clarify what he meant as too many had been used in other ways over the years.
Tessa blinked in confusion. “You want to date? Me?”
“Yeah.” His thumbs stroked over the backs of her hands.
“Why?”
As he went to answer with another declaration of love, she saw her mistake and cut him off to clarify.
“I mean, what changed? Why now?”
Scott nodded. “While you were at the conference, um, Uncle Herb died.”
“Oh Scott!” Tessa leaned forward ready to hug him. Uncle Herb was a crotchety old man who had lived in Ilderton. Probably the town’s oldest resident for much of the end of his life and a pillar of the Ilderton community. Everyone listened when Uncle Herb spoke. He’d been through a couple of wars and come back from the last with a missing leg. Any seat in the town was his if he wanted it. Tessa knew Scott had a soft spot for the old man. He’d dodged his walking stick enough times in an effort to steal from his apple tree that they were now odd friends.
When they’d returned from Vancouver with gold, Uncle Herb had sniffed and patted Scott on his bent head. The pat had been followed by a grumpy ‘well done, son.’ He’d performed exactly the same gift of congratulations after Sochi.
Scott rubbed Tessa’s upper arms and blinked against his tears.
“Anyway,” He cleared his throat. “At the funeral. Everyone was standing around and just being together and I saw my mom and dad, and the guys, and just everyone. And I-.” He broke off and swallowed hard, fighting back the tears so he could finish. “The only one I wanted to see was you, Tess. God, I-.” He choked and finished the rest in a flood of tears. “I needed you and you weren’t there.”
Tessa reached forward and pulled him close between her knees. His arms went about her and he cried into her sweater. She let him hug her, sweeping comforting circles over his back.
“I would have come.” She assured him. “If I’d known, I would have come. The conference would have understood. We could have told them there’d been a death in the family.”
Scott nodded against her sleeve. He drew in shuddering breaths to calm himself.
“I know. But I didn’t want you to come because you would come to things like that as my friend. I wanted you there because you were mine. Because I love you and you love me. I didn’t just want you to turn up in support.” He rubbed his palms up and down the sides of her thighs. “Tess, I want to share those times with you. To be there when it’s bad, and when it’s good. Your good and bad times, too. I don’t want to-.” He paused searching for the right way to put it. “I don’t want to live life without you.”
Tessa kissed his forehead and rested hers against his. She took a moment to think this through. Okay.
She moved closer to him and slipped down between him and the bed, kneeling with him on the tan hotel carpet.
She took his hands again and sought his tear-filled eyes.
“I love you, too.” Her voice was low and much calmer than she felt. His grip on her hands tightened. “When I was looking for somewhere to go last night, I was missing you. So much.” She voice became husky with tears of her own as she remembered the longing she’d felt for him. “I started trying to find somewhere I didn’t except you to be. I thought I would miss you less if it was somewhere you weren’t usually, like at the conference.”
“I was wrong.” She sighed and lifted a hand to stroke his face. “I couldn’t find anywhere that I didn’t look for you or didn’t feel you should be there. Because-.” She swallowed and hoped this was making sense to him. “Because there aren’t lots of places I expect you to be. There’s only one. Next to me.”
Scott caught her hand from his face and drew it to his mouth to press kisses to her palm. She drew a heavy breath and continued. “I want you next to me. And me next to you. Always.” She blinked at tears on the last word.
She gave a teary chuckle and he looked up, curious.
“This is sounding like a proposal.” She explained.
He grinned and tugged her closer. Shifting off his tired knees, he sat against the bed and pulled her to sit on his lap. He ran his hands down her legs to her knees and up to rest on her waist.
Tessa placed a hand beside his head to get him to look at her. “I want to do this. But I think we should take it slow.” At his slight frown she rushed to explain. “This is a big thing and I don’t want to mess it up.” Her voice quietened for her next words. “I also think you need some time, after Uncle Herb.”
Scott nodded. “Okay.” He agreed, his voice just above a choked whisper.
“Thank you.” Tessa slid her thumb over his cheek and leaned to kiss him.
She’d intended it to stop as a chaste kiss of gratitude, but soon their mouths were moving in unison, each trying to express what they felt. I love you. I miss you. I need you. I want you. Teasing teeth nipped, warm lips and tongues caressed and played. Hands cupped heads and swept through hair, tugging and holding.
When they broke apart, breathless, Tessa slipped down to rest against his shoulder and snuggled her forehead into his neck. Scott stroked her hair and traced the shell of her ear with light fingers.
“You were saying?” He dragged in more air. “About taking it slow?”
Tessa giggled and stroked his arm as it lounged around her waist.
“Come on.” She patted his arm and sat up. “We should get some sleep. I still have to check out of my hotel in the morning.”
“Hmm.” He nodded and stood, pushing her up as he rose.
It occurred to her that she still didn’t have the answer to something. “So what are you doing in here, anyway? How did you find me?” Tessa asked as she pulled off her sweater and jeans, and whipped her bra out from under her t-shirt.
“I came to find you.” Scott spoke from under his t-shirt as he pulled it over his head. “And Instagram.” He grinned and poked her in the stomach.
Tessa laughed and remembered the photo she’d taken of the band, tagging it with the name of the little pub. She crawled back onto the bed and turned to hold the covers open for him. She found him dressed in his pyjama pants and a fresh t-shirt.
He took the offered covers from her hand and slid in beside her, settling down and opening his arms to let her snuggle into his side. She lay her head on his chest near his shoulder and closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure sleep would be a possibility with the happiness coursing through her heart and threatening to break her out in delirious giggles every few minutes. She smiled wide as she felt him shift bury his face between her head and the pillow.
Sleep soon claimed them both, the emotional rollercoaster of the evening taking its toll. They woke in just enough time to check out of their hotels without paying another night. When they arrived back in London the more observant of their family and friends noticed a small shift in their behaviour and smiles, but Tessa and Scott were very good at sticking to their plan to take it slow. One date a week where all they did was talk as usual, but with the subtle difference of hand holding under coffee tables.
After a month Scott felt enough was enough and turned up on her doorstep with a bunch of peonies and roses. Peonies as her favourite flower and roses because he was nothing if not traditional in his romantic endeavours. She had let him in and taken the flowers with a delighted laugh. She whispered yes to his insistence they start dating for real and covered him in all the kisses she’d saved up over the intermittent weeks. From then on, even the most unobservant of their friends and family knew things had changed for good.