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“This is a horrible idea.” Dazai stated. “This is a great fucking idea.” Chuuya responded. Dazai pouted and crossed his arms, staring at his husband, as well as the items he placed on their couch table. “But Chibi! I’m no tattoo artist! I might end up hurting you!” Chuuya sighed and stepped around the table, sitting down at his side and resting his head on his shoulder. “You’re good with your hands, ‘Samu. I know you can do it. Do you trust me?”
Dazai regarded him with a contemplative expression, then sighed and nodded. “I trust you. Just- Don’t wanna do something wrong.” Chuuya smiled. “And I know you won’t. You’ll do just fine, Mackerel.”
It had been half a year since Dazai’s defection from the mafia. Half a year he spent mostly sitting in his and Chuuya’s penthouse apartment, playing games, reading books and getting bored of indoor hobbies while waiting for his lover to return home from work. Or, alternatively, he’d stalk said lover at work and help out from the shadows, out of sight of the organization.
In the end, Dazai hadn’t left Chuuya when he left the mafia. The two of them were still together, as they always had been. Maybe no longer 24/7, but it didn’t matter too much. After all, they’d still spend their mornings drinking coffee and watching the sunrise, their evenings watching movies, playing games or going on secret dates, and their nights in bed with each other with cuddles or sex. Because they were Soukoku. And not even Dazai’s defection could separate them. In fact, legally, they were closer than ever, having gotten married at the young age of 18, a mere few days after Dazai left the organization.
Yea, 18 was, by all standards of ‘normalcy’, too young for such a relationship status, but then again, what about them had ever been normal? They were both certain of their decision to be together, so why wait?
Their marriage was also the reason they were sitting here now, with tattoo appliances on the table. On a recent mission, Chuuya had almost lost his precious wedding ring during a fight which prompted the executive to think of ways to show off their marriage without putting jewelry at risk. The idea he came up with? Tattooing rings on each other’s fingers in place of the actual wedding rings. A permanent part of their bodies marked with their connection.
Dazai sighed and then smiled at his husband’s actions. The idea was as stupid as it was endearing and he couldn’t find it in himself to mind it one bit. “Alright alright~ If my dog truly is so desperate to have an ink ring tattooed on his skin, I suppose I will happily comply.” Chuuya glared at him, at the dog comment, and Dazai found himself laughing, falling over sideways and wrapping his arms around his partner, drowning the small executive in his embrace.
Chuuya snorted and reached up a hand to pet Dazai’s head. “I want a divorce.” There was no true malice whatsoever in his voice. Dazai grinned. “You say that every day, darling~”
In the end, they did figure out how the tattooing process worked without many issues. Some disinfectant, some sketches, and a lot of precise work with the tattoo set later, they both had matching designs on their left ring fingers. The design was one they came up with, using the colors black, red and blue. A thin black outline around marks that resembled corruption, wrapped in light blue swirls reminiscent of No longer Human. And on the underside of the finger, in the same, thin, black lines, a certain date the two of them held close to their hearts.
It was the date of the day they met when they were 15. The date of the day Dazai was kicked into a wall. The date of the day he witnessed dust settle around him, giving him a view on the prettiest boy he’d ever seen. The date of the day he had fallen. Deeply, irrevocably, pathetically fallen for the first and only person he wanted to spend his life with.
Dazai watched silently as Chuuya admired the tattoo he had put there. A permanent reminder of who he belonged to. The redhead seemed happy. And seeing Chuuya happy was one of Dazai’s favorite things, no matter how hard he may deny it.
“What’re we gonna do with our actual wedding rings?” He asked. Chuuya looked up, eyes twinkling with yet another idea. “I got us silver chains for them already. That way we can wear them as necklaces. Though I’d still leave them at home when we’re going out expecting a fight.” And just like that, he pulled out said silver chains, offering one to his husband while putting his own ring on the one he kept. Dazai found himself grinning at the fact that, despite Chuuya saying they wouldn’t bring them to a fight, he had still chosen special reinforced silver for the chains.
After their impromptu tattooing session, Chuuya was happy enough to make Dazai put everything away while he himself went off to the kitchen to prepare their dinner. For a moment, Dazai simply regarded the tattoo set, contemplative, before he did something he might one day consider impulsive. Though even in such a spur-of-a-moment decision, he already knew it would never be something he’d regret.
When Chuuya called him for dinner, Dazai proudly presented another new tattoo, this one placed on his wrist. One his bandages would easily cover, but Chuuya was allowed to see.
It was a small, orange slug with a hat.
And if Chuuya ended up chasing him through the entire house with a spoon afterward, then that was no one’s business but their own.
…And if Chuuya ended up tattooing a bandage-wrapped mackerel on his own wrist later that night, then that was also no one’s business but their own.
===
Dazai snapped out of his own daydream, returning from the blissful memory of that day. Three and a half years. It had been three and a half years since he and Chuuya forever marked each other’s skin with permanent, colored ink and promises of eternity together. And not once had either of them regretted their decision.
“Dazai you good-for-nothing! You’re supposed to help us prepare for our meeting with the Port Mafia! Don’t just sit around and do nothing!” Kunikida’s voice scolded from across the room. Right. Dazai was supposed to be doing things. The entire agency had been up and running all day, preparing for a friendly meeting with some Port Mafia members.
The meeting wasn’t supposed to be business-related. Just a friendly evening spent together to ease some of the tension still present in the two organizations’ fresh alliance. But everyone else was sure treating this like some big-shot politician was about to come over.
Dazai himself didn’t have the energy to care all that much about the meeting. He knew the Port Mafia. He knew the people that would come to them. He knew that he didn’t exactly have to put in too much effort and that the truce wouldn’t stop just because not everything was picture perfect.
Dazai was also simply exhausted. Far too exhausted to think about what type of decoration to put where. Reason for that being: It had been a long week for him. A week with a huge issue of an all-time-low- Chuuya battery.
Dazai tended to rely on external factors to give him some energy for the simple act of existing. Energy that only two things could truly restore. These two things being: His husband, and the act of attempting suicide. But now he had neither of those things. Because not only was Chuuya away on a mission he was only supposed to return from the following day, no. Dazai also made the mistake of promising his partner he wouldn’t attempt in the time he was gone.
Truly, so annoying.
A few sets of table cloth hit him square in the face and he yelped, catching the fabric and sending a withering glare in Kunikida’s direction who had his arms crossed like an angry mother. “You could at least put those on the tables. Really, do we have to force you to do your part of the work? Doesn’t it ever get boring, being such a slacker?”
Dazai pulled on one of his many masks, refusing to reveal the extent of his exhaustion, settling on sticking out his tongue as he got up. “Boooo! I was busy thinking up fun suicide methods and here you are, interrupting me. So rude!” Kunikida didn’t dignify him with a response and then turned over to Atsushi, commanding him how many millimeters he had to move the drinks on one of the tables for optimum visual appeal.
When he was certain no one was watching, Dazai dropped his mask, spreading the table cloth over the designated tables. The cloth had a pattern: Red and blue. Great. Just great. Everything reminded him of Chuuya and the fact that he wasn’t home.
Dazai had really wanted Chuuya there for this particular day. For one: He’d be stuck with a lot of people for multiple hours with not much chance to escape without letting his agency colleagues down. Dazai knew, for a fact, that they relied on him to be the point of connection between the two organizations in case any problems, whether with communication or otherwise, arose. For two: Dazai’s internal battery was running low which made situations, especially social ones, much more fatiguing, leading to a higher risk of dropping his mask, of showing someone he didn’t want to involve that he might not be doing too well. Chuuya was his anchor, had always been, yet he wasn’t here.
“Dazai-san? Are you alright?” Atsushi’s voice didn’t startle him, it simply snapped him out of his thoughts. His mentee must’ve finished putting down the drinks. Dazai made sure to give him a soft smile. “Why of course I am! Is there something you need, Atsushi-kun?” Atsushi silently looked at him and for just a moment, Dazai was afraid his smile might be one millimeter off from being believable, but then the younger male shook his head and smiled. “No, nothing. Just wanted to check up on you, considering you’ve been zoning out quite a bit.”
Dazai ruffled the smaller’s white hair. “Don’t worry. I’m just a little tired.” Next to him, Kenji perked up from his task of putting up some decorative flowers. “You’re tired, Dazai-san? Have you not been getting enough sleep? I have some tea bushes with a calming effect if you’d like!” Cheerful as ever, typical Kenji. Dazai shook his head. “It’s nothing. My thoughts are simply occupied by a red-haired beauty who won’t leave my mind! Such a shame that this beauty keeps rejecting my invites for a double suicide!”
Somewhere in a corner, he heard Ranpo snicker. Dazai was very certain the genius detective had known about him and Chuuya from the start. The rest of the room simply sighed or rolled their eyes at him. Good. It was good. No one suspected a thing.
With his thoughts still occupied by this certain red-haired beauty, Dazai continued, this time actually trying to focus on his part of the preparations. Atsushi still sent him occasional, mildly concerned looks, but he didn’t ask any further questions.
—
The mafia members arrived point-blank at 6 PM. Obviously, it wasn’t all the members, just a select few who the agency had meaningful run-ins with previously, as well as some bodyguards slash henchmen supposedly present to overlook the situation and make sure nothing bad happened.
With all of the people suddenly within the agency office, the place seemed almost cramped. Maybe Dazai should’ve gone and convinced Mori to offer them one of the Port Mafia warehouses for this event. But alas, here they were, all together in a small space.
In the end, the introductions may have started off awkward in typical ‘Hey, remember that one time I almost killed you’ fashion. But soon enough, everyone fell into casual conversation quite easily the moment Yosano and Kouyou realized they had a similar taste in wine and happily began a conversation about it, causing the rest of the present people to fall in and create small groups of their own. It also helped that Atsushi and Akutagawa were quite familiar with each other, leading to easy, for once non-aggressive banter. The downside of that particular situation though: Dazai was once again reminded of a certain husband of his.
Dazai originally tried staying away from the center of conversation, preferring to stand at the side quietly and watch over the two groups, taking sips from a glass he couldn’t even remember taking. But alas, of course there’d be someone trying to talk to him as well. That someone being none other than Hirotsu, who had left Mori and Fukuzawa in a conversation of their own.
“Not enjoying the party, Dazai-kun?” The old man asked, standing at his side and taking a sip of his own drink. It was a rhetorical question. Hirotsu knew almost better than anyone that Dazai wasn’t too fond of such events. Especially such events without Chuuya at his side. Courtesy of being Soukoku’s designated babysitter during their teenage years.
“They all look quite content with their conversations. I don’t see the point in interrupting them. I’m perfectly fine with standing here.” Hirotsu hummed in agreement and took another sip, then he tapped his glass to the one Dazai was holding. “Missing someone, are we?” Dazai blinked, then looked down at the glass, then found himself blushing. He’d honestly just taken something from the alcoholic section of the drinks, he hadn’t even realized the drink in his glass was, in fact, wine. A familiar one at that. Now he recognized the taste. It was one of the wines he often tasted on Chuuya’s tongue during some of their lazy, loving, tipsy make-out sessions. “We’re gonna ignore that.” He stated. Hirotsu simply chuckled.
The old man was perceptive like that. He knew Dazai was missing his slug. He used to be the one closest to the couple during their years of working together, often was present during their insufferable PDA. So after the ADA and PM started working together, it probably didn’t take him long to figure out Dazai never actually left Chuuya or their shared home when he defected. Dazai found himself not minding it. In fact, he generally didn’t mind people knowing. What were they gonna do? Judge him? If there was one thing in his life Dazai was proud of, then it was being Chuuya’s partner. In battle, love, and otherwise. And he wouldn’t let anyone take that from him.
Next to the bandaged man, Hirotsu continued to smile. His phone vibrated and he discreetly checked it while Dazai was still stuck daydreaming. “Shitty Dazai better be there. I’m on my way from the airport. Be there in 10.” Hirotsu didn’t respond to the messages, simply leaving the executive on read. He’d be there soon enough regardless. There and ready to cause chaos with Dazai. The thought made him feel quite happy. Especially and despite everything, he was proud the two problem children and their relationship had made it.
—
Dazai really wanted to leave. He wanted to go home, bury himself under his blanket and lay there in darkness for hours until his partner would come back. The agency and the Port Mafia were perfectly fine.
Kyouka and Gin were exchanging stories about their respective older brother figures, making both of the males struggle to stop them from telling too many embarrassing bits. Higuchi had joined Yosano’s and Kouyou’s conversation, looking mildly terrified as the two women listed off what Kouyou would classify as torture methods and Yosano as treatments. Kajii was explaining the science behind his super awesome lemon bombs to an excited Kenji. Kunikida was flying around between all conversations at the same time, checking on everything and everyone. Tachihara and Junijirou were trying to have a civil conversation, though Naomi, being attached to her brother the way she was, always somehow got in the way, making the poor Black Lizard member witness their… Tanizaki-ness in 4k. Mori was talking with Fukuzawa, Ranpo was sitting next to them along with Elise who was entertaining herself by asking the genius more and more difficult questions and giving him some sweets from a bag for every single one he answered correctly (all of them).
Hirotsu remained next to Dazai, which the bandaged detective was secretly grateful for since it looked like they were talking and no one else would end up approaching him and trying to pull him into the conversation. The older man even readily handed Dazai a new wine glass when he finished his first one.
It didn’t take long for the room to feel far too hot for comfort. Dazai sighed. He already wasn’t wearing his coat so instead he opened the window, relishing in the cool evening air that entered the room. Leaning on the windowsill, he closed his eyes and imagined red hair, blue eyes and a tacky hat materializing in front of him and taking away the mild uncomfortable feeling the party was giving him. In fact, for just a moment, he even thought he may have genuinely tricked himself into sensing Chuuya’s presence nearby, considering the fizzling in the air he always associated with the small executive. That is until the fizzling got stronger and stronger. So it was either his brain playing a really cruel trick on him, or…
“I’m taking this.” A familiar voice sounded from right next to him. A familiar hand grabbed his wine glass and chugged down the remainder of the drink. A familiar side pressed against his arm. And Dazai? Dazai couldn’t suppress the wide grin that grew on his face if he tried. And so, finally, he opened his eyes and turned to the side, where blue eyes were already looking at him with the same sparkle he loved so much.
“You’re here.” Dazai stated, unable to keep the giddiness out of his voice. “I’m here, shitty Mackerel.” His partner, who must have climbed in through the window, responded. Dazai’s grin widened even further. Even just Chuuya’s presence at his side was recharging his energy. “How are you here?” He asked. The other man handed the empty wine glass to a nearby mafia grunt who took it without question. “Finished things up early so I could be here today. Might be a little late, but I still made it.” Was what he said. I finished work quicker so you wouldn’t be alone. Were the words both of them knew he meant. “Chibi just missed me so much, ne~ Sigh… What a clingy dog you are.” Chuuya punched his shoulder hard. “Be careful what you say, asshole, the window’s right behind you and I will not hesitate giving you a free flying lesson.” Yes, dipshit, I missed you. Dazai made sure to put on his best sparkly-eyed expression. “Chuuya! You would truly do that! You would truly grant me death, just like that! You’re such a wonderful human being!” I missed you too.
They never needed words. They just understood.
“Dream on, Mackerel.” Chuuya said, before pulling Dazai into a long overdue kiss, uncaring of their surroundings. Dazai tasted the wine on Chuuya’s lips. It felt like coming home. Next to them, Hirotsu smiled to himself, then stepped back from the two lovebirds, walking off to insert himself into Mori’s and Fukuzawa’s conversation.
A few meters away, Atsushi couldn’t quite believe his eyes. Not only had executive Nakahara just climbed in through the window, no. Now he was… Kissing Dazai? Atsushi aggressively rubbed his eyes and stared at his cup. Did he grab the wrong drink? Was there alcohol in the juice? Or was this just gonna casually uproot his entire understanding of the world? Dazai? Kissing someone? Kissing the gravity manipulator he spent so much time complaining about?! Really, somehow, he must’ve been spontaneously transported to a whole different dimension.
One look around confirmed that he was probably the only one who noticed the situation. It didn’t exactly help much beyond making him even more concerned about what part of his apple juice caused such outlandish hallucinations. When he looked back at the two men near the window, they reverted to yelling at each other about something. …Maybe that really was just a hallucination. Maybe he was just tired.
At least Dazai now seemed much more energetic than he’d been the entire day. The entire past week, even.
—
After Chuuya’s arrival, Dazai gradually felt better. The redhead did wonders for his state of being, but what’s new? Important was, that he was here now. And soon enough he even got to see one of his favorite types of Chuuya. One that would always have a special place in his heart. Because Chuuya was, despite what one might think, very clingy after being separated from Dazai for an extended amount of time. And drunk Chuuya after being separated from Dazai for an extended time was even more clingy. That, added to the fact that he was such a lightweight, soon led to everyone bearing witness to the Port Mafia’s tiniest executive showing off a whole new side no one, except the senior mafia members, had ever seen.
“...’Samu.. Don’t leave.” Chuuya mumbled into Dazai’s shoulder when the brunette intended on getting up from his chair to get some water for the thoroughly drunk man hanging onto him. He couldn’t fight the fond snort escaping him. “Chibikko~ I just wanted to get some water~ You need to sober up at least a little so I won’t have to carry you home later.” He responded, reaching up one hand to card through Chuuya’s hair. Chuuya violently shook his head and hugged Dazai’s arm tighter. “Make someone else do it. Stay.” Dazai sighed and resigned to his fate.
“Akutagawa?” He asked. The mafioso immediately whirled around from his spot near the wall, where he’d been standing with Atsushi. “Yes Dazai-san?” He sounded as though he’d immediately jump out of the window if Dazai told him so. It made the brunette snicker. “Can you give me a bottle of water please?” Akutagawa nodded rapidly. “Of course, Dazai-san.” Before Rashoumon shot out from his back, grabbed a water bottle from the next table and handed it to the detective, almost stabbing Atsushi along the way. “...Thanks~” Dazai said and took the bottle, unscrewing the cap.
“Are you okay, Dazai-san?” Atsushi asked. “Too much alcohol? I’m sure Yosano-sensei has some painkillers somewhere.” Dazai smiled and shook his head. “Not me. I’m fine. Chibi’s already really out of it though~”
Somehow, this seemed to be the first time Akutagawa and Atsushi really noticed the man curled into his side as they both stared at them with wide eyes. Dazai laughed and poked Chuuya’s cheek who sleepily blinked up at him. “Hah? What now..” He slurred. Dazai pressed the water bottle to his partner’s lips. “Drink you tiny idiot.” Apparently, Chuuya couldn’t find it in himself to complain as he accepted the water and then proceeded to down half the bottle in one go. Dazai relished in the way the younger men behind them stared at the interaction as though they were aliens. It was quite funny. He turned over and smiled. “Chuuya tends to be a bit of a lightweight, don’t worry about him. He’ll be fine.” And that was that.
Chuuya did eventually recover slightly. He was still drunk, but no longer completely out of it. He just seemed overall pretty tired. No one really mentioned how close the two of them were, but Dazai saw it in the way they’d throw questioning looks across the room whenever they caught sight of the way Chuuya was basically in Dazai’s lap. He didn’t mind. All he really cared about was the fact that Chuuya was here.
Eventually, most people settled down around the tables. Chuuya was playing with the bandages around Dazai’s left arm, part of them unraveled. Usually, Dazai would pull them on more tightly to make sure no one would notice the state of his skin, but right now he was a bit too tipsy to really care, banking on the fact that the others were all too drunk or inattentive to pay much attention to the long, white scars poking out from underneath. But of course things couldn’t stay too peaceful for long.
“‘That a drawing on your wrist, Dazai?” Yosano asked from across the table. Dazai raised an eyebrow. The doctor shook her head. “The orange spot. Is it a drawing? Y’know, the spot Mr. Gravity Manipulator here has been caressing for the past fifteen minutes?” Dazai blinked and stared at her, slowly pulling his wrist further under the table. Chuuya’s grip tightened. “Oh, it’s nothing Yosano-sensei~ Don’t worry about it~” And sure, if Yosano had been the only one to notice it may have been fine, but of course there just had to be more people who couldn’t keep their curiosity to themselves.
“I noticed that too. Isn’t it quite impractical? A drawing somewhere that’s hidden with bandages? No one's gonna see it!” Higuchi added. Dazai’s skin prickled with mild discomfort. Not because he was ashamed of the small tattoo. Rather, because showing it off would mean they’d also see the skin around it. And Dazai wasn’t quite sure how non-Chuuyas would take to the obvious remnants of self-harm. Chuuya seemingly noticed his discomfort as he pulled Dazai closer. “Why d’you care about some drawing on his wrist? It doesn’t bother anyone now does it?” He asked, voice mildly hostile. Dazai’s cheeks felt a little warm. Chuuya’s protectiveness was just another thing he loved about him.
“Aw come on now! Don’t leave us hanging! How bad can it be?” Yosano complained. “Yea! I’m getting kinda curious too!” Junijirou said. “Now that I’m paying attention to it, isn’t there also a drawing on your ring finger, Dazai-san? Has that always been there?” Atsushi asked. Naomi chimed in. “Oh it totally has! Almost looks like a ring! I’ve been wanting to ask about that for quite some time now, actually. I’ve never seen Dazai-san without it… I wonder if he made it himself!” And suddenly, it was as though the entire room had their eyes on Dazai who was unsure how to react in this situation. Thankfully though, he had a partner whose inhibitions were lowered due to his alcohol intake and who was more than ready to explain things.
“HAH? You really think the shitty Mackerel drew that ring on himself? Oh please, he’s no fuckin’ artist! Plus, it’s not a drawing, it’s a tattoo. It’s supposed to be a permanent thing y’know?” He asked, glaring at the entire room. Now, everyone was silent. Dazai briefly considered stopping Chuuya’s rant, but one look in his partner’s eyes and a silent conversation later, he knew that Chuuya knew exactly what he was saying and would pull through until he was done saying it. “That ass couldn’t draw something proper if he tried y’know! I was the one who tattooed his ring.” He spoke. And he sounded so undeniably confident, so undeniably Chuuya, that Dazai couldn’t help but laugh.
“Chibi~ You do know that you have the same ring made by me, right?” He teased gently. Chuuya crossed his arms and nodded. “Yea. But it only looks good ‘cause it’s on my hand, not because you did a great job!” Dazai laughed. He knew that Chuuya was just denying he did a great job for the sake of denying it. He vividly remembered how bright his husband’s eyes sparkled back when Dazai had finished the tattoo. “You’re just saying that~ You know you love it.” Chuuya simply scoffed.
“Waitwaitwaitwaitwait.” Atsushi interrupted. “Does that mean Chuuya-san also has a tattoo like that?” Chuuya answered via an overexaggerated nod and pulled off his left glove, all too happy to show off his own ring tattoo. “See? Shitty Dazai did a horrible job. But it looks good because it’s on me.”
Everyone at the table stared at the tattoo in awe, expression growing even funnier as Chuuya pulled up Dazai’s hand to show off that they were, in fact, matching. Dazai gave up on keeping his hand hidden, despite the missing bandages and the scars. This was fine. It was more than worth it as some people finally seemed to realize bits and pieces of the situation.
Hirotsu looked proud that his theory was proving right. Mori’s mouth widened into a teasing smirk. Kouyou looked like her soul was gradually leaving her body. Ranpo grinned, being the know-it-all he was. Yosano let out a gasp, the question written in her eyes. All the others were in varying states of confusion. And, as so often, it was Kenji who started asking questions.
“That’s so cool!” He exclaimed with sparkling eyes. “Is that a mafia thing? Does someone else have it?” Dazai couldn’t help the underlying fondness in his voice as he replied. “No, no. It’s not mafia related. It’s just something between the Chibi and me.” Chuuya agreed with a nod. “Damn right! It’s a great idea, isn’t it? Makes sure the message gets across without the rings being damaged in battle. The Mackerel called my idea stupid, can ya imagine?! But of course he’d call it stupid. He calls most of my ideas stupid ‘cause he’s a huge fucking asshole. He still agreed though.” Dazai snorted at Chuuya’s proud proclamation. Truly, such a sassy Chibi.
“Wait? An idea? Which idea? Am I missing something?” Tachihara asked. The people who hadn’t understood it yet shrugged. But Chuuya had more to say.
“And then, guess what? I made this shithead dinner and when I came back he proudly announced that he placed another tattoo on his wrist, despite originally calling my idea stupid! His design is much stupider. I mean: Who the fuck would permanently put the image of a slug in a hat on their wrist! But the ass still did it. Look.” And then he showed off the inside of Dazai’s wrist with his self-made tattoo. Their colleagues looked like they no longer understood what was going on in the world. Dazai sighed again. Gods, Chuuya would probably throw him out of their penthouse window once he fully sobered up.
“Reminder that you did the same, Slug~ You responded to my amazing idea of getting a slug tattoo by tattooing a mackerel on your own wrist!” And then Dazai made sure everyone saw Chuuya’s wrist as well, quite possibly raising even more questions in the room. Chuuya jabbed him in the side with the elbow of his free arm. “Because we gotta match! Isn’t that a thing married couples usually do? We already got the rings, so this was just part of it too!” There, Chuuya had said it, Dazai already knew the next few seconds would be plenty enough fun.
He watched as realization settled on the faces of those who hadn’t gotten the full memo so far. Mori looked absolutely delighted, already holding up a phone, probably recording the whole thing to immortalize the moment. Fukuzawa wasn’t surprised, considering he was in possession of Dazai’s full employee file, including the marital records. Hirotsu sighed and took another few sips of his drink, observing the situation. Ranpo grinned, offering Dazai a thumbs-up. Kouyou was the first to properly react, though her expression spoke of so much disappointment, Dazai really wanted to have a picture to show to Chuuya later. He’d have to tell Mori to send him the video.
“Lad. I cannot believe that out of all the fish in the sea, you just had to choose this guy. And here I was thinking you got over him… Anyone. You could’ve had anyone. But you chose him?!” She asked, exasperated. Dazai pouted. “Ane-san! I’m not that bad! Right, Chibi?” He whined. Chuuya side-eyed him, then looked back at Kouyou. “I hate him. He’s the worst.” Kouyou raised an eyebrow. “But?” Chuuya threw an arm around Dazai’s shoulder. “But I love him just a little more. And he’s mine. I don’t need anyone’s permission to marry him!” Dazai swore he could hear someone gag. His money was on Yosano. Dazai himself was much too busy fighting off the blush at Chuuya’s public declaration of love. Sure, Chuuya told him often, but mostly in private moments just between the two of them. This was a public proclamation. Something that truly had no business making him feel this embarrassed!
“Love? Marriage? …HUSBANDS? DAZAI WHAT THE FUCK.” Yosano yelled, slamming her hands flat on the table. Dazai winced. The poor piece of furniture wasn’t at fault! “How is this the first time I’ve heard of this! I thought we were friends! And you didn’t even invite me to the wedding!” She complained. “Well, I didn’t know you when we got married!” Dazai retaliated. Though Yosano still seemed quite upset.
“...J- Just out of curiosity, how long have you been married without bothering to tell us?” Atsushi asked. The poor boy looked like he’d seen a ghost. Chuuya held up four fingers. “...Four- what? Months?” Atsushi asked again. “Years.” Dazai responded with a grin. Atsushi’s jaw went slack. He sent a helpless look towards Akutagawa, but the other male was far too busy processing the information himself. Dazai heard a disappointed sigh from Kouyou. He’d probably have a lot of explaining to do.
“Dazai-san and Gravity Guy are married? That’s awesome! Congratulations! Can you tell me the story later?” Kenji cheered happily. Dazai watched Chuuya soften. “Sure kid. I’ll tell you.” Kenji seemed happy enough with that.
“Congratulations, Dazai-san, Chuuya-san. I always had a feeling.” Kyouka stated in her typical monotone voice. “Me too. Congrats!” Gin added, tone almost on one level with Kyouka. Dazai chuckled. “Why thank you, Kyouka-chan, Gin-chan!”
“...Are we just- not gonna acknowledge this? The fact that Chuuya-san is married to a member of the Armed Detective Agency?” Tachihara asked, looking slightly traumatized but not too out of it. Dazai guessed he already lost plenty of his soul, being around the Tanizaki siblings the whole evening. “Right? Are we not gonna acknowledge that Dazai-san is married to a Port Mafia executive?” Junijirou asked, voice much more exasperated than Tachihara’s. Next to him, Naomi squealed like a fangirl. “Who cares! I’ve been rooting for them ever since I first heard Dazai-san rant about Chuuya-san! That kiss earlier just solidified it all!”
Everyone looked at her in shock. Dazai nearly choked on his breath. How did she even notice that in the party chaos? Naomi simply smiled. “Come on guys! You can’t tell me none of y’all have seen this coming! It’s like- peak circumstances for a bl Manga! Two hot guys, Mafia-related, rivals, pretending to hate each other, it’s all right there!” Higuchi seemed deep in thought for a moment. Then she nodded. “Makes a lot of sense, actually. Plus, them being on supposed enemy organizations and all, so many options for heart-wrenching drama! I agree!” Now everyone seemed slightly more terrified. Meanwhile, the two girls devolved into theorizing how this story came to be, probably planning out their very own Soukoku fanfiction, soon to be joined by Elise who was all-too-ready to reveal some details about their teenage years not even Dazai himself could remember.
“I also gotta agree with the prospect of them, together. I’ve long lost track of the amount of times I had to listen to Chuuya-san’s drunk ramblings about his partner. Remember?” Kaji added, looking over at Hirotsu who simply nodded in agreement.
Kunikida, who Dazai was pretty sure had passed out when Chuuya’s love confession happened, sat up and stared at the situation for a moment like he couldn’t quite believe it was happening. He sat so frozen in place that Ranpo had to snap his fingers in front of his face to return him to the world of the living.
“...”
“...”
“...”
“WHAT THE HECK DAZAI? HOW HAVE I NOT KNOWN OF THIS?! A MAFIA EXECUTIVE? REALLY? HOW DID YOU EVEN LAND SUCH A PERSON IN THE FIRST PLACE?” He exploded. Dazai burst out laughing, clinging onto Chuuya for dear life. “Kunikida-kun~ Do you not trust my ability to make someone fall in love with me?” Kunikida took a deep breath, probably trying to prevent an aneurysm from happening. “Well, considering your flirting-technique consists of asking women for a double suicide, forgive me for being unaware that you had a husband all along! How does he even stand to all of this! Someone willingly putting up with you and your antics… Such a strong person just- doesn’t exist!”
Chuuya squinted his eyes and glared at Kunikida. “Aren’t you that agency partner of his?” He asked. Kunikida pushed up his glasses. “How is that in any way relevant?!” Chuuya’s glare hardened. “Just to set the record straight. I’m his partner. You’re just his work partner. Got it.” He asked, almost hissed. Dazai choked again at the blatant possessiveness in Chuuya’s voice. …Was he truly just damned to fall in love with this guy over and over again? Well, not like he minded. Loving Chuuya came as easy as breathing. It was natural and so ingrained in his very being that he couldn’t exist without it.
Kunikida seemed startled by Chuuya’s tone of voice. “What do you mean?” He asked. Chuuya scooted closer to his husband. “He’s mine. Got it.” He said. Kunikida gaped like a fish on land, then was quick to defend himself. “By all means, he’s all yours! I don’t want your man, I’m not even sure why you want your man! …Though I must congratulate you for being a full-time Dazai professional. Such a difficult lifestyle must be properly respected.” Chuuya seemed happy enough with the response and leaned back against his husband. “Thanks? It’s not that difficult once you figure him out. Took me like a month, maybe.” At that, Kunikdia seemed utterly and completely astonished. “A month?” He almost sobbed. “A mere month to figure out Dazai? Tell me your ways, oh God of Dazai-handling.”
Apparently, Chuuya didn’t know how to react to that as he helplessly turned over to his husband. At that moment, Dazai decided it was about time to go home. So, without further conversation, he pushed himself up from the chair, taking the small executive with him. “I think we’re gonna leave mow~ Chibi has a long mission behind him and needs some rest. Byebye!”
He pulled Chuuya along and out of the agency, ignoring Kunikida’s silent pleas for Chuuya’s guidance, leaving their coworkers with a whole lot to think about. Well, that was certainly funny.
—
It didn’t take long for Chuuya’s energy levels to deplete rapidly and in the end, Dazai did carry his tired husband the last few hundred meters to their apartment where he dropped him on their bed and changed both of them into pajamas. Chuuya immediately reached out for his warmth when he crawled into bed with him, attaching himself to Dazai’s body like the tiniest, most adorable of octopuses. Dazai could only imagine his own, disgustingly fond smile.
“Good night, my love~” He whispered. Chuuya only mumbled something intelligible into his chest, but once again, Dazai didn’t need actual words to understand him. “I love you too, Chibi.”
Dazai was the last to fall asleep, and the first to wake up, spending his morning watching Chuuya’s sleepy face, only briefly interrupting those actions to get a bottle of water and some painkillers for the inevitable hangover his husband was gonna wake up to.
True to his predictions, the first noise out of the stirring mafioso’s mouth was a pained groan. Dazai chuckled and leaned forward to press a kiss to his forehead. “Morning sunshine.” He whispered, fully aware any loud talking would worsen the headache. Chuuya let out another pained groan and Dazai grabbed the water and the painkillers, immediately giving them to the other the moment he was awake enough. “...’tanks..” Chuuya mumbled, then moved himself onto Dazai’s lap to curl up further into his chest.
It took a while for the pain to subside, but that was alright, both of them had a free day after all. It was quite funny to watch Chuuya’s brain boot up slowly, oh so slowly, as more and more realization settled in, reminding the executive of all he said and done the prior evening. The gradually intensifying look of horror was an expression Dazai would cherish for the rest of his life. Chuuya slowly turned to look him in the eyes. “Mackerel. Please don’t tell me I really said and did all those things yesterday.” Dazai choked out a laugh. “Sorry Chibi~ I can’t just lie to my beloved husband like that!”
Chuuya flushed and buried his face in his hands. “Oh FUCK no! Now they’re all gonna think I’m some fucking soft idiot in love!” He complained loudly, then winced at his own noise level. Dazai smiled. Chuuya was far too adorable for his own good. And so, he leaned forward, stealing a kiss from his partner’s lips. “But you are a soft idiot in love~” He teased gently. And for just a moment, Chuuya looked like he was gonna strangle him, before he sighed and dropped his entire weight on top of the other, squishing all the air out of his lungs. “Well fuck. Guess I am. Only for you though.” And hearing him say it out loud, made Dazai even happier. Really, what did he do to deserve this?
“My coworkers are never gonna let me live this down.” Chuuya sighed. Dazai gently untangled the knots in his partner’s hair. “You’ll live, Slug~” He responded. Chuuya grabbed a pillow and hit him in the face with it, making him laugh. “If it makes you feel any better, my coworkers won’t be much better. I bet they have a mountain of questions for me the moment I step into work tomorrow, so you won’t be the only one suffering!”
Chuuya looked up at him through pretty eyelashes. “Maybe we should just go to each of our workplaces together and explain?” He suggested. Dazai grinned. “I like that idea~” Then, after some silence: “…Coffee?” Chuuya shook his head. “Later. Right now I just wanna hide from the world.” And well, Dazai wasn’t about to complain, for he knew that Chuuya’s favorite hiding spot was the one where he was curled into a tiny ball against Dazai’s chest, under their comfy blanket.
Their lives were about to get a lot more fun, now that they’d be able to annoy their dear coworkers to death.