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Do you know what it feels like to have happiness? True happiness. Only to have it yanked away from you with no hope of stopping it?
Stiles does.
Twice in his life, aside from his mother’s death, has it happened. Once in the form of his childhood best friend and schoolyard crush Theo moving away shortly after a death in both of their families. Right when they probably needed each other the most. The second, and arguably the worst, was Derek Hale breaking up with him and also leaving town…and the country.
At least Theo kept in touch, Derek cut him off cold turkey.
It hurt like a mother fucker.
Even now with a healthy pack and a good life, six months later, Stiles still doesn’t feel quite whole. Like the wound is still fresh without an ounce of scar tissue in sight.
“Are you coming tonight?” Tracy asks, flopping on the couch next to him and setting her feet in his lap. “Or are you finally staying home?”
He doesn’t miss the suggestion in the kanima’s tone. That Stiles should stay home tonight. But the fox won’t. A fact they’re both more than aware of.
Stiles will go to the club like every other time. Searching for someone with a hero complex insisting they can help him forget his ex. They mostly do. For the duration they’re in the fox’s bed at least. The moment the post-coital haze clears, Stiles is missing Derek all over again. Feeling guilty for what he’s done for the hundredth time.
Because that’s the thing about rebounding with a bunch of strangers that no one tells you about. You’re still the same broken shell of a person afterwards. Nothing changes just because you had an orgasm. You’re still hurt.
“Of course he’s going,” Theo huffs, all but stomping off the last step.
And he’s right. Even though Stiles knows it won’t make him feel better, he can’t stop.
“When are we leaving?” The fox asks, making Theo scoff. “What’s your problem?” He asks, rolling his eyes towards his Alpha.
“Nothing at all,” Theo mumbles in annoyance from the kitchen. “I’m staying home tonight, let me know when you guys are heading back,” the Alpha stalks back upstairs without another word.
Right. Okay, Stiles should probably back up a bit. He mentioned having a healthy pack now. With Derek gone, it’s obviously not the Hales. But Scott isn’t his Alpha either. When Theo came back to Beacon Hills at the beginning of their senior year, he and Stiles reconnected as if he’d never left. He was an Alpha and quickly built a pack of stray supernatural creatures both Scott and Stiles didn’t even know existed.
Well, they knew about kanimas. But not raijus or that were-jaguars were a thing. Or that there were creatures that could turn invisible! Nor that kids they went to school with were supernatural and right under their noses. Granted, Stiles was a human at the time and literally never would’ve known.
What bothered Scott the most is hard to say. Unclear to which straw finally broke the camel’s back. It’s always possible that it was just a culmination of everything that got to the True Alpha. In part, it definitely had to do with the fact that Theo wouldn’t relinquish his title as Alpha because Scott asked him to. And he shouldn’t have either, in Stiles’ opinion. The coyote got his power fair and square by his Alpha passing it on.
Then it boiled down to how close he and Theo became.
They were best friends before Stiles even met Scott. Even over the years when they stayed in touch, there never felt like distance between them. There’s nothing that Theo doesn’t know about. No secrets.
At first it started with Stiles already having plans with the coyote. But eventually it progressed to Stiles forgetting about pack nights because he was with Theo. And then the Alpha asked if he’d think about joining his pack since he sees Scott so little and seems happier with Theo.
Saying yes had never been so easy.
He even accepted the bite.
Because Theo was absolutely right. After Allison, there was always an uncomfortable air around Scott and Stiles. On the surface, the fox was happier.
Not happy. But happi er.
So off to Sinema he goes. Pack in tow save for their Alpha.
“What are the chances I can get you to be my wingman tonight?” Josh asks, looping an arm around the fox’s shoulder. “I need some of that luck you always seem to possess.”
Any other night, Stiles probably would’ve said yes. But for some reason Derek is at the forefront of his mind tonight. And there’s something clearly pissing Theo off. So for the sake of not thinking about either Alpha, the fox knocks back his fourth- fifth?- wolfsbane infused drink courtesy of Hayden.
Throwing a wink at the raiju, Stiles says, “watch and learn young padawan.” He can’t focus on fully helping Josh right now. But if he pays attention, it could work out for him.
It did with Corey and Mason.
Grated, Mason was so far gone on Corey, he didn’t really need to do much to get the human.
Feeling that last cocktail settle in his blood, Stiles makes his way towards the dancefloor. It wasn’t until after Derek that the fox realized just how much he likes dancing. Or the fact that once he loosens up, Stiles is actually pretty good at it too. Moving through the sea of gyrating bodies, he finds himself a nice little space off the center.
That’s his trick. He’s close enough to the outside that someone sitting down can see him. But he’s also enough in the crowd that people on the dancefloor have eyes on him too. The more visible you are, the more chance you have of taking someone home.
It takes no time at all for someone’s hands to find his waist. Stiles doesn’t even bother to push people away anymore. Company is his goal after all. So when the person pulls him close, grinding the fox against him, Stiles lifts his hands up, curling his fingers into their short strands.
When the song changes, the body behind him makes no effort to move. So Stiles takes the initiative to turn around, see who’s interested. He’s surprised to find someone who looks like they could be Derek’s body double. It’s almost scary. But it deals the deal for the fox. Determination setting in to take this guy home. Maybe one last hook up, this time with Derek Lite, will be just what Stiles needs.
“Hey, handsome,” the fox lightly slurs over the music, “what are the chances I can get you to go home with me?”
Blunt and to the point.
Works every time.
The hands fall from his waist, the stranger’s face softening. “I’m sorry,” he leans in, not knowing that Stiles can hear him perfectly. “I was just looking for someone to dance with and you’re really good. You’re not my type, sorry.”
“Right. ‘Course, have a good night,” Stiles says, biting his remark away. The ‘ you rub your boner on me but I’m not your type, huh?’ stings the back of his throat. The fox leaves the dance floor, making a beeline for the exit.
That always works.
It didn’t work on Derek either.
Okay, that’s just fucking rude. The voice in his head has no right to say shit like that. Derek wasn’t some guy in a club. He was a good Alpha and brother who left town to protect his sister.
That doesn’t help it sting any less that an essential carbon copy of the Alpha rejected him.
The fresh air hits his face and all of the alcohol Stiles consumed makes itself known He’s not going to throw up, but he feels how much he had to drink. The fox doesn’t stop moving until he gets to the alley on the side of the club. Crouching down, Stiles puts his head in his hands.
He should be over this by now. Why the fuck does it still hurt so much? The fox’s eyes sting with tears. Drunk or not, he’s not going to fucking cry.
He won’t.
A hand rests on the fox’s shoulder, Josh’s scent filling his nostrils. It’s a comfort like no other. Stiles doesn’t know what he’d do without the raiju.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“He broke me,” Stiles snaps, looking up at his best friend with blurry eyes. “I’m broken, Josh,” the fox sobs, tears spilling down his cheeks. He said he wasn’t going to cry, dammit. But here he is, one simple question from the raiju- one he could’ve said no to- and Stiles’ drunken brain releases the floodgates.
He feels pathetic.
“But you’re not,” Josh speaks softly.
“Yes, I am!” Stiles sniffles, angrily wiping his face dry. “I’m not his type,” the fox scoffs, “Derek left me.”
“Okay, well fuck both of them. They’re idiots if they can’t see how great you are.” Josh looks at him earnestly, “but I also don’t think sleeping with a bunch of nameless faces is going to make you feel better. Kinda seems like it’s been doing the opposite.”
“Excuse me?”
“Look,” the raiju sighs, “I’m not trying to piss you off or control you. I’m just trying to help you. It’s kind of my job.”
Josh is right. Stiles knows that. But how else is he supposed to get by? Who else is going to want someone as damaged as him?
“How about instead of hooking up with everyone you can,” Tracy rounds the corner of the building, “you take a look at what’s right in front of you.”
Stiles, rather drunk and confused, looks at his best friend who is indeed in front of him.
“You mean Josh ?” Don’t get him wrong, his best friend is rather easy on the eyes. But that’d be like dating his brother. No, thank you.
The raiju laughs.
“Oh my god,” Tracy groans, scrubbing her face in aggravation. “You are not that dumb or blind,” the kanima scoffs. Stiles gives her a blank stare and shrugs. “For the love of- Theo! He’s in love with you, you idiot!”
Stiles’ heart stops.
“Bullshit,” he snorts. “Theo doesn’t even look at me like that.” If he did, Stiles would’ve tried something with his childhood crush a long time ago. Theo’s hot and nice and actually cares about him. He gently hits Josh’s arm, “tell her to stop fucking with me.”
Josh pulls a face, lifting a shoulder, “she’s not.”
Stiles’ heart stops again.
Then he laughs. A full on giggle fit that doesn’t stop even when they get him in the car. Laughs as he explains his behavior to Mason and Corey. But when they pull into the driveway and they give him the same look Josh had, Stiles sobers up real quick.
They’re home.
And Theo’s inside.
Theo.
Who doesn’t like, but loves him.
What’s breathing? Stiles has forgotten how to do it, but he’s pretty sure it’s something that’s supposed to be automatic, not a conscious choice of inhaling and exhaling.
“Uh, hey guys,” Mason’s voice echoes beside him in the back seat, poking his shoulder.
“What?” Josh asks, putting the car in park.
Tracy actually turns around, “oh shit.”
“What?” The raiju repeats, looking behind him, “shit. Stiles?”
The fox is frozen, staring at the house. Full of alcohol and nervous energy. “He’s going to think I’m a whore,” Stiles mutters, his brain running a stomach churning montage of all of the people he’s slept with.
All the while Theo knew about and said nothing in the way of disapproval. Unless you count his attitude.
Gods, Stiles feels like such an idiot.
The kanima cackles. Actually cackles, “oh, honey. If anything Theo is just jealous and upset you’ve never let him grace your bed.”
“Why do you think he was so upset tonight?” Mason asks, rubbing the back of the fox’s neck. Even as a human he understands how to calm them down.
That would explain the Alpha’s attitude, sure. But still, “Why did he never say anything?”
Everyone in the car gives him a shrug.
“Guess you’ll have to ask him yourself,” Corey says, leaning over Mason and Stiles to open the car door.
“What?” The fox looks back and forth and before he knows it, the couple shoves him out of the car. If not for his supernatural reflexes, Stiles would’ve eaten the concrete.
“We’ll see you in the morning,” Josh yells through Tracy’s open window.
What?
The car door slams closed, tires squealing in its haste to get out of the driveway before the fox can react.
“Dicks,” Stiles mumbles, turning and facing the house.
His body really wants to go into flight mode. Guess it’s time to put his big boy pants on. His heart picks up, fingers shaking trying to use the key to unlock the front door, one thought nagging him.
Has he been hurting Theo this whole time?
“Dammit,” he squeezes his eyes closed, pushing open the door. The only sound inside the house is his Alpha’s heartbeat. Too quick to be sleeping. A page turns. “Theo,” Stiles calls out, closing and relocking the front door.
Please don’t ignore him.
Please.
There’s a pause followed by a sigh, “In my room.”
His heart is thundering in his chest. Yes, the revelation from the pack sobered him up, but the fox isn’t sober. There’s still a buzz in his head and a slight wobble to his legs. Stiles very carefully walks up the stairs to the Alpha’s room. The one right next to his. At least their walls are soundproof, so unless a door is open, you can’t hear shit.
Meaning Theo never had to hear Stiles with the people he brought home.
The smallest of consolations because Theo still knew they were there.
When Stiles makes it to the Alpha’s room, Theo is propped against his headboard reading Catching Fire. No shirt on and gray joggers. He is a sight to see. Why the hell did Stiles never even flirt with the guy? He’s more than aware of how hot Theo is. Maybe the fox just didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Or step over any pack bounds.
Excuses, honestly.
“Hey,” Stiles says a breath above a whisper. His tipsy brain says the best course of action is why not try for some flirtatious humor to break the tension? “You waitin’ up for me, handsome?” The fox leans against the doorframe with a grin.
“No one warming your bed tonight?” Theo asks in a sour tone. Not even bothering to look up from his book, simply turning the page.
Alcohol takes control of Stiles’ tongue, “I was hoping you would.”
It’s unmistakable. The rush of arousal coming off the coyote. His fingers twitch against his book. “So they told you.” But Theo still doesn’t look up.
“They might have informed me that I’m a moron,” Stiles says, stepping over the threshold. “That I had someone much better right here the whole time.”
That gets Theo’s attention. He looks up from his book, eyes flickering red for the smallest of seconds.
He’s getting to Theo.
“I don’t want your pity,” the Alpha closes his book. “You’re only here because it’s convenient. A fall back because no one came home with you.” Theo’s voice is full of something Stiles can’t quite place. Anger? Sadness? His words hurt just the way that Theo must hurt when he says, “You don’t actually want me.”
The fox snorts, filter nonexistent, “Are you jealous that people come home with me?”
Theo tosses his book on the nightstand, getting up from his bed. The fox is ready to drool. All he needs is to get his hands on the coyote. But Theo stays just a step away, “I’m watching you fuck all of these other people and I don’t know what it is I’m feeling,” Theo’s heart skips. “But it’s not jealousy.”
“Liar,” Stiles says confidently. Never once feeling so bold and so fucking nervous at the same time.
The Alpha scoffs, giving him a tongue in cheek smile. When their eyes meet, Theo crosses his arms to his chest, stepping closer, “I’m not lying, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart.
Stiles’ mouth dries out. Throat clicking when he swallows. Does the Alpha realize how he looks and sounds? He is growing determined to get Theo to crack. He’s putting on a face so that Stiles won’t know he’s getting to him.
As if he can’t smell it.
Unless Theo’s trying to be done.
The fox gets an idea. He nearly purrs at the thought. If Theo wants to drop it, he’ll let him. But if he doesn’t…
“Okay,” Stiles quips, “if that’s what you really want. For the record, it’s not pity, I’d never have stepped foot in the club in the first place had I known you had feelings for me too. But I guess I’ll just leave you be then” He turns to leave, ready to walk away if that’s really what the coyote wants.
No matter how much it might hurt.
Theo’s hand curls around his wrist. “Don’t you dare walk away from me,” the Alpha growls, words charged and breath thick. “I can’t-” Theo takes a controlled breath, sounding small and vulnerable, “I can’t watch you walk away again.”
“Then don’t,” Stiles whispers, unable to properly breathe either. “I’m yours…if you want that,” that fox turns around meeting rubies.
“Not just for the night, sweetheart,” Theo sounds like he’s begging, yanking the fox close. His arm wraps around the small of Stiles’ back, keeping him there.
Stiles gulps, imagining this very situation since he was a kid, “However long you want me.”
“Don’t make a promise you can’t keep,” Theo tells him, eyes still glowing red, fingers twitching against his back.
“Try me,” Stiles retorts, kissing Theo’s response away.
The Alpha doesn’t pull back other than to drag Stiles to his bed.
Needless to say, Stiles doesn’t return to Sinema again unless it’s with Theo on his arm. Nor does he sleep in his own room anymore. Theo’s room became theirs.