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It only takes visiting the Posabule house once for him to realize Art has no one in the world but him. When his best friend invites him to come over for dinner, he's thrilled to be in his home. It was only a week after they met that he introduced Art to his parents and to receive such retribution makes him think Art feels as strongly for him as he does.
Ever since they met, he couldn't help the feeling that Art Posabule was meant to be in his life one way or another. Their meeting felt fated from the start and he has only felt more connected to him in the time they've spent together. Unable to hide his excitement over the prospect of coming over for dinner, Gabrielle had kissed Art's cheek and promised to be there.
One thing about Art, he doesn't seem to understand Gabrielle's affection isn't the norm for a friendship like theirs. That is, a friendship between two men. As much as Gabrielle has always been reserved and has always maintained his distance from other boys his age, out of lack of interest in engaging rather than fear or anxiety, even he understands that a male friendship isn't usually so touchy.
But Art is receptive to his touches and if he doesn't mind, Gabrielle doesn't see why he should. He takes a huge pleasure in seeing Art's cheeks go pink when he kisses his cheek, his hand, when he runs his fingers through his hair softly. Maybe this can be their own way to express their friendship, as different from the usual mold for male friendships as it is.
Art tells him his brothers don't live with them, they're much older than him and so that makes sense. It's just him and his dad. Gabrielle greets the man when he sees him, Art's dad getting up to shake his hand with a slight smile. He finds that Art doesn't quite look like the man, doesn't resemble him the way most boys resemble their fathers. The way Gabrielle himself resembles his.
Being raised to be as polite as can be, he doesn't comment on the portrait of Art's parents, or at least who he assumes to be Art's mom marrying a younger version of his dad. The woman has to be Art's mother because even with the picture in black and white the way it is, Gabrielle can tell she looks exactly like Art. In the shape of her face, in her dimples, in that nose that looks identical to Art's.
They sit together and have a beer. Art offers Gabrielle one when he goes to get one for his father and Gabrielle doesn't want to say beer tastes like carbonated piss in front of Art's dad, not when he's being offered the beer the man paid for. So he nods and makes a point to drink the damn thing as fast as possible, grin and bear it. That's the name of the game.
When Art spends far too long explaining why they're having instant food instead of anything else, telling Gabrielle he has never been able to cook anything edible and shamefully rubbing the back of his neck, his dad interrupts. Gabrielle finds it adorable when Art rambles, no matter how long it takes for him to get back to the original topic when he inevitably goes on an entirely unrelated tangent.
But the fond smile on his face falls from his face when Art's dad groans and says:
"Shut up. Do you even get how annoying you are when you talk so much, Art?"
The air is heavy with tension or at least that's how it is for Gabrielle but Art only nods and apologizes, quickly moving on as if nothing even happened. It's what makes Gabrielle uncomfortably aware of the fact that this isn't anything new in this house. And having dinner with Art and his father does nothing but confirm this assumption.
At least half of the man's conversation topics involve putting his son down in any way he can. Gabrielle tries to keep the tone light by answering all questions the man asks him but everything he says is reason for him to compare him to Art, emphasizing Art's failure when in comparison to him. His best friend's easy acceptance of this makes it much worse for Gabrielle.
Maybe he would be able to take this better if Art wasn't acting as if this is nothing but what he deserves but as it is, there isn't a hint of annoyance or even exasperation in his gaze when he looks at his dad. To make matters even worse, there is disappointment in those blue eyes but only directed inwards. At himself, not his piece of shit dad.
No, not a single drop of resentment towards the man who is treating his friend's visit as an opportunity to point out all of his perceived flaws in front of said friend. Yet Art always deflates like a balloon when his father mercilessly mocks him, his speech, his mannerisms, the things he takes interest in. Every word out of the man's mouth is a knife digging into Art's chest.
Even so, when he and Art are left alone in his room after an unsettling dinner, Art doesn't say anything. Nothing about the way he acts is any different from the Art he has known since they met, about a month ago. Nothing about his voice, posture or demeanor changes and he never acknowledges what his dad said. Not even with a quick "sorry about my dad". Nothing.
It takes a while but Gabrielle slowly comes to accept that this is what Art associates with normalcy. Months pass and things don't change, every visit to the Posabule household comes with more and more questioning of his best friend's self-esteem after the constant blows his dad offers to it freely, for no real reason other than because he can.
Things his brothers did to him during his childhood come to light in the form of Art simply telling him about it like they're nothing but fun little anecdotes about his life, instead of a shitton of trauma. Art comes to him beaten and bruised, mentioning his father's harsh words and even harsher fists with the carelessness of someone who truly thinks this is normal.
No one in that house cares about Art, he comes to understand with time. With his mother gone before she could even get the chance to know him, all Art has left are his dad and brothers. A dad who has not hesitated to express his frustration with a son he never wanted to have, whether that be with his words or with his hands. Two brothers who seem to thrive on being above their weak little brother, who are more bullies than family.
That's all Art has when it comes to his family and at school, no one will sit with or talk to him. Gabrielle is a loner by choice, other kids at school have no problem with him although some do think he's arrogant, believes he's too good to associate with them. They're not fully right but they're not fully wrong either. With Art, it's a different story.
Kids in school don't like Art. The way he speaks, the way he walks, everything about him is deemed odd. They don't understand why Gabrielle hangs around him, often other boys and girls in their class came to him asking why he hangs around someone like Art. It offends him that they think so little of his best friend, even if Gabrielle himself also can't understand why he's so attached to him.
There's just something about Art, since they met Gabrielle has been overtaken by a need to care for him. When no one else would have given the boy a second glance, Gabrielle admires him. He sees a hint of beauty in Art's vulnerability, sees the way he tries to open up to him even when every part of him feats rejection.
The rejection he has been dealt with his entire life. From his family, his peers. It won't be Gabrielle who rejects him, that's for sure. He ignores what people say about Art, shields him from the knowledge that many people don't believe Gabrielle should be friends with him. Against all odds, Art becomes more comfortable around Gabrielle, goes against his natural instincts to close up.
Gabrielle is too aware that the reason why he's the way he is lies between the uncomfortable silences in which Art lowers his head in shame when his father looks at him, in the smirking mouths of his brothers when they find something to mock about his words, his actions, all of him. Art is the way he is because of his family.
No amount of love and support he gets from Gabrielle will ever make up for the damage that had been done before they met. Gabrielle knows this and yet, he gives Art all his love anyway. Because he doesn't think Art is a lost cause, he wants to give him the love Art doesn't understand he deserves. Until he feels entitled to it, until it's all he knows from Gabrielle.
So yes, he's more than aware of how little Art's family care for him but he doesn't get to see how far that goes until about a year later.
They're both seventeen and they're close to graduating. Art has dreams he's too ashamed to share with anyone that isn't Gabrielle and he thinks he has seen the worst of the Posabules. He has seen Art shivering in the cold, asking to be let in because his father is really mad at him and locked him out of the house. In the winter, in the middle of a blizzard.
Gabrielle's hands have softly held Art's chin and cleaned the cuts on his face when his dad threw a glass at him. His lips have kissed Art's forehead softly before bed during yet another sleepover that came to be because Craft Posabule couldn't stand to look at his son that day. He has wiped Art's tears, held his hand. He thinks he witnessed the worst of it.
Until one day Art stops showing up to school. He doesn't call to tell him he's sick and will miss class, he doesn't make up any excuses that Gabrielle knows are excuses to mask the truth that he can't go to school until the bruises on his face somewhat heal. He doesn't say a single thing, he doesn't call, he makes no attempts at contacting Gabrielle.
This wouldn't be completely out of the norm for him, not necessarily. Every now and then Art has a few moments of sudden panic, pushes Gabrielle away like he can get rid of him permanently at this point and ignores him. Sometimes he has moments in which he can't stand to be around anyone, demands some space and refuses to let Gabrielle even ask him why.
But this isn't one of those times. This is more than that, this is serious. Gabrielle knows that because Art doesn't go to church. He goes there at the sunday service just to check and Art isn't there, Gabrielle spends all day waiting for him to make an appearance and he doesn't. And Art never missed church, not for anything in this life.
Even if his father had shot him in the legs, he would still find a way to crawl all the way there for a sunday sermon. So Gabrielle freaks out, he knows there's something wrong. Art not showing up at school is nothing that warrants much concern but not showing up at church? He's convinced his best friend has been kidnapped.
Gabrielle starts by calling the Posabule house but all they say when asked is that Art isn't home. Craft only tells him that, that he's not there and hangs up the moment Gabrielle tries to say anything else. When calling him doesn't work, he goes to his house. And again, the man opens the door, takes one look at him and tells him Art isn't there.
After much insistence from Gabrielle, he lets him come in and he searches the entire place top to bottom looking for his best friend. The man doesn't seem to be lying, his son really isn't there. But when Gabrielle asks where Art is, the man just says he went away for some time. Don't worry about it, kid. He'll be back. No indication of where he went and why.
Sick of arguing, Gabrielle just wants to know where Artie is. Asking around the school doesn't reap any results and even asking aroused town is useless, no one has seen Art Posabule in about a month. It's like he completely vanished. But he never gives up, he keeps calling and asking for him, he keeps showing up at the Posabule house unannounced.
Once he calls and Art's brother picks up, the oldest. At first he doesn't say anything that may be even slightly helpful, seems to purposely avoid the subject and interrupt Gabrielle when he tries to ask about Art. But then he finally takes pity on him and tells him where he is. Well, he doesn't exactly tell him where. But he tells him why.
"Art ran away from home," Abraham says like it's the funniest thing ever. "I guess he couldn't handle our old man's comments anymore. The guy doesn't pull any punches."
There's a double meaning in what he says and the bastard is aware of it, his voice makes it clear. His explanation both makes sense and doesn't. If there's anyone who would have all the reasons to run away from home, it would be Art. No one would be able to take so much rejection, so much physical, verbal and psychological abuse without losing it.
Having to get away from a bad situation is very Art but at the same time, it can't be. Not just because he didn't tell his best friend, Gabrielle, anything but because Art wouldn't run away from home. He needs his dad's approval like he needs water, it's not what he'd do. He wouldn't run away, he's much more likely to stay and take anything just for the slight chance he might get the man's love some day.
Even though he most likely won't.
So Gabrielle takes that explanation with a grain of salt. He doesn't buy it but he can see how it might have happened. He keeps trying to press on the subject, he won't ever give up on knowing exactly where Art went. But for three months, he gets radio silence. Time goes by, his dreams are always of Art away from him, in danger and there are heavy bags under his eyes.
Gabrielle doesn't sing anymore. Doesn't play his instruments most of the time, he holds them sometimes but he has no energy to play. His uncle invites him to watch one of his shows and he refuses, tells him he's a little sick. He eats less, to his mom's absolute horror. Even his dad seems to put his beer down for a minute to try to talk to him, check on him.
It's about to be four months since his best friend disappeared when he finally hears from Art. And from Art himself, that is. Gabrielle is laying in bed again, staring at the ceiling and trying to find the mental strength to do something productive about his day. The phone on his nightstand rings and when he answers it, he has absolute no enthusiasm.
"Hello?"
"Gabrielle," the voice on the other side says.
It's not a question, it's a statement. And Gabrielle sits up on the bed with a jump because that's Art's voice, even as quiet as it is on the phone, he still knows that it's Art. His best friend, his Artie. He could have kissed the phone, shaking with relief. Suddenly all his attention is on this phone call, he couldn't focus on it more if he tried. And still, he tries.
"Artie? Where have you been? Wha-What happened to you?"
There's silence on the other end for a long moment and Gabrielle is almost afraid Art hung up on him. But he didn't and he knows that because he can hear Art's breathing and god, he has never been so relieved before. Art is alive, Art is okay. Thank go- well not god. That prick didn't do anything. Gabrielle had gotten so desperate he even went as far as to pray to him. How stupid he was.
"They said you've been... looking for me," Art says.
There's something off about his voice. He's speaking way too slow, almost as if half of him isn't even there. He sounds sleepy but his voice isn't rough like it would be if he had just woken up. It's puzzling, Gabrielle doesn't know what to think of it. It takes a lot of effort to focus on what Art is saying and not how he's saying it.
"Of course I have," Gabrielle breathes. "How could I not? You were gone for almost four months."
Art takes a while to respond again and that's also starting to concern Gabrielle.
"Well, I'm... fine."
He doesn't sound fine. No, he sounds far away like his head is in the clouds and his brain can't catch up with the words he's trying to say.
"What happened?" Gabrielle asks again.
He has to.
"Can you come see me?" Art asks and now he sounds a bit more like himself, there's more desperation in his voice. "Now?"
Gabrielle doesn't even answer, he hangs up the phone and immediately makes his way to the Posabule house. When Art's dad lets him in, he laughs and says his son is finally there and now he can hopefully stop asking. The only thing stopping him from killing the man is the fact that he knows Art is waiting for him upstairs and so he goes as fast as he can.
He hopes to god (not god, he doesn't do anything) that Art has eaten, no matter where he has been. In his rush to get to his house he didn't even manage to get some of his mom's baked treats to bring to his best buddy, hoping to make him eat. When he gets in the room, Art is still holding the phone like he never stopped. He puts it down and turns to Gabrielle, blinking slowly.
His best friend doesn't look all that bad. His hair is longer than he remembers but he looks clean, he's wearing his regular clothes and there's no indication of anything wrong until he sees the bandages on his arms. In an instant, he sits on Art's bed and takes his hands so he can look down at his outstretched arms and check the damage that has been done.
"Oh, Artie," he sighs. "What happened to you?"
There's something about the way he looks at Gabrielle, how long he takes to blink and to react to anything. Art is pale, somehow even paler than usual and there are dark bags under his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes Gabrielle has missed more than anything, filled with unending relief, he kisses one of Art's wrists. Urges himself to calm down.
"It was nothing," Art insists, pulling his arms back.
It doesn't answer any of his questions and it's an obvious lie.
"Where were you? Art, buddy, you were gone for three months."
He hopes maybe saying it out loud will break his best friend out of this state he's in, will make him realize this is a serious issue. But Art only blinks like his eyelids are threatening to drop at any moment, like they're heavy. One of his hands mess with the bandages in his other arm, pulling on it like he wants to rip it out. Gabrielle holds that hand to distract him, to stop him.
"I was in the hospital."
"Hospital?" Gabrielle echoes and looks down at Art's bandaged wrists. "Something to do with that, I guess."
Even with his hand being held to physical stop him from messing with the bandages, Art keeps staring at his arm like he wants to explode it with his mind. There's intensity in his eyes but at the same time, there's not. They're empty and devoid of any recognizable emotion. He doesn't look at Gabrielle, not even when he talks again.
"I tried telling them... that I didn't try to kill myself," Art mutters. "But they didn't believe me."
Gabrielle feels sick to his stomach but he doesn't say anything, Art looks up at him with a hint of mild recognition in his eyes and that's when Gabrielle realizes they institutionalized him. That's where he has been for these past few months, he was at the Blessed Souls Hospital psychiatric ward. That's why he hasn't contacted him.
"Do you... believe me?"
Gabrielle knows Art more than he knows himself. More than he knows his violin, his piano, everything else he plays, he knows Art like the palm of his hand. Like a favorite book you read so much that you've memorized the words on the page. And because he knows Art so well, he believes him. Art will always hurt himself, that's what he does.
But he would never try to kill himself. He would never willingly commit a sin.
"I do, darling," Gabrielle assures him. "I believe you."
At that, Art stops looking at him and his gaze is far away again. Slowly, as if he's falling more than moving on his own, Art comes to rest his pretty, tormented head on Gabrielle's shoulder. Having him in his arms is the best way to ensure he won't ever leave him again, he won't ever vanish like that. Gabrielle holds him steady, holds him close.
He kisses the top of Art's head gently.
"I want to sleep but... not alone. I'm still a bit groggy. She said I would be. For a while."
Gabrielle nods and Art pulls away and holds his face, looking at him with more alertness for the first time since he got in the room.
"Don't want to end up back there again. Please, will you stay?"
Gabrielle nods vigorously, pressing a soft kiss to Art's forehead. He gets up and gets him to lie on his bed and he ignores it when Art whines in protest and tries to hold up his arms for him, he shushes him gently and gets him under the covers. Once that's done, Gabrielle lies down next to him and he holds Art. Holds him like he's his.
Like he won't ever let him go again.
His hand rubs Art's cheek to help him relax, soothing him and making sure he will have the most peaceful sleep he has had in months. Gabrielle doesn't know much about Blessed Souls Hospital's psych ward but he knows it's a heavily religious hospital. That tells him everything he has to know. He doesn't have to know anything else to question their methods.
"They gave me a lot of drugs," Art says, putting it bluntly. "Mostly to help me calm down. I think I kept arguing with them to let me go. Or to maybe... let me call you? I don't remember much."
Gabrielle nods encouragingly, "That's okay, honeybun."
Eyes glinting with something, Art closes them as if he knows Gabrielle will try to understand how he feels by examining the emotion behind his eyes closely. He looks back at Gabrielle soon enough, his expression a mix of neutrality and utter melancholy. Gabrielle holds him more firmly, hoping to quell any anxieties he might have at the time. Hoping to protect him.
"You love me."
How could he not? Gabrielle is about to voice that exact opinion when Art sighs and tells him:
"I'm sorry you love me. I can't be normal for you."
Shushing him and enclosing him in his arms like a comforting armor, Gabrielle sings for the first time in a long time. He sings a childish little bedtime song that he's not sure where he heard, something about counting sheep. In between notes, he kisses each of Art's knuckles and he looks at the bandages on his wrists and wonders how deeply he had to cut himself for people to think it was a suicide attempt.
What pains him the most is the possibility of them being right one day. If the day comes that Art doesn't fear his god anymore. Or maybe a day will come that he hates himself more than he fears his god.
It's not a question of whether he'll ever hate himself more than he loves Gabrielle. That's already the truth.