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Will Graham stands outside the familiar white door at the end of the dimly lit hallway waiting for his appointment to begin. He swore he was late, yet he was still waiting for doctor Lecter to open up the door and greet him with that smirk and a nod he always did. Maybe he lost track of time again, he seemed to be doing that a lot. For all he knew he was an hour late and Hannibal already left to go and check on him. Or maybe he was an hour early and Hannibal was off doing other things. Or maybe, he didn't even have an appointment today.
Will sighs heavily as these thoughts went through his head. He took a couple of steps back and seated himself on the chair in front of the door and put his head in his hands. He rubbed his face and closed his eyes tightly, trying to keep himself from freaking out. Maybe he should start wearing a watch, he thought to himself occasionally, but he never exactly got around to it. Besides, he didn't think he would actually use it anyways. It would probably be just a decoration of some kind, an expensive looking bracelet. He didn't exactly have the money (or the desire) for it anyways.
Moments after he sat down Will hears the door crack open. It wasn't very loud and old sounding though; Will figured Hannibal took good care of his things, like he did with everything else. He was a very neat and organized person, Will noticed that quickly, especially with how well-kept his hair was; not a single hair out-of-place. Also his clothing, not a single hair, no lint or anything; he was always so neat and tidy.
"Good evening, Will."
Will lifted his head slowly from his palms. He stared at Hannibal for a few brief seconds, seeing he had the same small smirk on his face that he always did. When they locked eyes Hannibal gave him that small nod, his lips curling into more of a smile than a smirk. Will placed his palms against the arms of the chair to push himself up.
"Hello, doctor Lecter."
"Come in." Hannibal stepped aside and opened the door wider to allow his patient to step inside. Will passes Hannibal, feeling the doctor's eyes trail all over his body as he did. He would feel uncomfortable with it, but he found Hannibal acted a bit differently than other people; he was like an animal, picking up people's emotions with his eyes, absorbing the persons’ aura. He knew he wasn't doing it in a sexual way, he's never seen Hannibal do anything 'relationship-like'. He didn't think he would want to; it would seem almost unnatural in a way.
"Was I late?" Will asks, turning around to look at Hannibal as he spoke. "Was I early?"
Hannibal closes the door and turns his head to look at Will when he spoke. After the door clicked shut he walked over and shook his head, answering 'no' to both of his questions. "You were neither late or early. Just on time, Will."
Graham nods slowly. He would ask if he even had an appointment, but if he was on time he figured he did in fact have one today. "Sorry, I just." He looks down briefly at the floor then up again at his doctor. "Have been losing track of time lately."
"No need to apologize." Hannibal gives Will another small smile. "Sit down, sit down." Lecter walked over to his seat and sat down after lifting his pant legs just slightly. He leaned back in his chair and crossed one leg over the other as Will sat in the seat before him.
Will sighs as he sits, leaning back in the chair with his legs spread open slightly.
Hannibal folds his hands in his lap and stared at Will, waiting for him to speak. Will caught up on it quickly, and he liked it this way a lot better. It was better to just let everything off of his chest rather than have Hannibal ask stupid questions like 'How are you feeling today?' or 'What has been bothering you lately?'. Will didn't actually know if Hannibal would ask those questions, since he never had him ask. He tried before, just stayed silent for a while and waited to see if he would speak but all he got was his silent stare. He could get lost in that stare he's thought a few times. He was so full of life in a way that made him slightly uncomfortable yet intrigued.
"I've been having nightmares again," Will starts off, breaking the silence that was about 2 minutes long once they sat down in their chairs. "I have nightmares anyways," he continues with a slight chuckle. "But these seem more... vivid. They feel real, it feels like I lived it already, instead of just waking up and feeling a bit groggy with the dream in the back of my mind." Will looks up at Hannibal, meeting his stare once more. He stays silent, so Will continues.
"I remember them as if I just experienced the event a few seconds ago. It isn't just a brief memory either, it's a whole story. It feels like the dream lasts a whole day, but in reality a couple of hours passed." Will brings up his hand and wipes the sweat off of his forehead with the back of his hand.
Hannibal keeps staring and staying silent as if he knew Will had more to say, and sure, Will had a lot to say. He could talk all session without having Hannibal anytime to even think. He tries to keep all his thoughts together as one topic or a few similar topics each session so everything gets a look at, but lately it’s hard to keep track of all of his thoughts and problems.
"I think I've been sleep walking too," he says after a short silence of just staring at Hannibal. "It started off just simple, just waking up to find myself standing in my living room, or in the kitchen. Then it progressed to me standing outside of my house, just in the front yard." Will takes in a shaky breath. "A few nights ago, I found myself in the middle of a forest. Not the forest near my house, it must have been a forest in another neighbourhood, or on the other side of town, I don't know where I was, I've never seen it before in my life."
Hannibal notices his shaking breaths and decides to butt in. "Have you ever sleep walked before?" he asks. "As a child, or have you started sleep walking recently?"
Will rubs his eyes. "I never had sleeping problems in general," he says with a nervous chuckle. "I hardly had nightmares, I sure as hell didn't sleepwalk. All of this happened recently."
Hannibal nodded and drummed his fingers on the notebook he brought out. When did he grab that? Will didn't remember him take out that book. He stares at his hand and watched him jot down some notes; he guessed he was writing down about his sleeping problems. Will sighs once again and rubbed his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but weirdly, Hannibal spoke up before he did.
"What are your dreams about?" Hannibal looks up from his notebook.
Will chewed on the inside of his cheek. He licked his own lips and adjusted his position in his seat before he answered doctor Lecter's question.
"It's about all the murders," he mutters. "It haunts me. I relive the murders, and it feels as if I did the murders myself." He put his hands on his face and rubbed it, keeping his face hidden in his hands. Hannibal wrote down a few more brief notes.
Will lifted his head from his hands. "There's been some dreams where I was completely convinced that I did all of those murders." Will stands from his chair and paces around the room with his hands shoved into his pockets. "I don't know why I'm sleep walking; I don't know why these murders keep haunting me." He turns to look at Hannibal who was staring right at him, still seated in his chair. Will decides to continue.
"I wake up drowning in my own sweat, panting and on the verge of tears." He rubbed his eyes with his fingers. "I woke up just as I was vomiting once."
Hannibal nods and wrote stuff down. Will continues. "I've been blacking out lately," he says. "Hallucinating. I see the dead bodies, sometimes I hallucinate myself killing other people." He starts to shake and sweat a bit. "I've got bad fevers, have been sick a lot." He sighs and puts his head back, walking back to the chair but not sitting just yet.
"Have you seen a physician?" Lecter asks, looking up from his notebook. Will shakes his head no.
"Do you believe it would be a good idea to see one?"
Will looks at him and slowly shrugs.
"Maybe a brain scan is needed," Hannibal suggests. Will shrugs once again and sits back in his chair, holding his head in his hands. He starts to shake once again, his hands frantically wiping the sweat from his face.
"Do you think you might need a break from your job?" Hannibal asks after a short pause. Will slowly lifts his head from his hands and stared at him. "Doctor Lecter, I can't just quit my job. I can't leave." Will sits back in his chair. "I don't know where else to go, I can't just lay off. I went to school for this, I tried so hard to do this." He shifts and leans forward closer to Hannibal. "I save lives, I enjoy saving lives, and maybe this is a price I have to pay." He sighs heavily and closes his eyes. "It's not like anyone else would hire me," he mumbles.
Hannibal puts his head down and stays silent. He writes down a few more things in his notebook before closing it and placing it aside. He inhales through his nose and looks up at Will, seeing his head in his hands and his body shaking slightly. He bites the inside of his cheek as he watched him, assuming he was crying. He wished he could go up and comfort him in a way, tell him to come here so he could hug him, but it didn't seem professional or correct.
It took Will a few minutes to realize he was crying in front of Hannibal. He quickly pulled himself together and sat up, wiping his eyes and sniffing a little. "Sorry, I-"
Hannibal shook his head. "No need for apologies," he says, uncrossing his legs then crossing them again. "You are supposed to let your emotions out, Will."
Will nods then sighs, standing up again and walking around the room once again. "Hannibal, I-" He looked over at him to see if he took offense to him calling him by his first name, but he didn't seem to care. "I hate this. I hate sleepless nights, I hate hallucinating, I hate being scared." He turns around and faces Hannibal, who was still sitting in his chair. "I hate how frustrating this is, I hate all of this."
Hannibal stands and slowly walks over to Will, who was clearly starting to hyperventilate and freak out. "Will." He stands before him, now able to clearly hear his shaking breaths. "Will, look at me."
Graham was in too far now. "Hannibal, I don't know what's real anymore!" He looks up at the older man, his face completely drenched in sweat now. He starts to pant and looks as if he'll collapse at any moment.
Hannibal cups the side of his face with his hand and pursed his lips. "Will, come sit down." He put his other hand down to his arm and tried to walk him over to the chairs once again. Will continues to rant on, barely moving his feet whatsoever.
"I don't even know who I am," he says, starting to stumble slightly as he walked. "It feels like I'm the killer, Hannibal. It feels like I'm responsible for all the deaths instead of doing my job which is to save people. I can't have anyone die anymore, I can't keep killing people."
Hannibal manages to seat Will in his chair. Hannibal crouches down in front of him and stares up. "You're not a killer, Will." He places his hand on Will's thigh. "Your special ability makes you feel like you are responsible, but you need to do exercises for your mind and always let yourself know that you in fact did not perform these crimes-"
Will interrupts. "It's too late, Hannibal. It's too late, there's nothing that can happen, there's nothing I can do." He gasps shakily, tears slowly running down his cheeks, but Will barely noticed it. He stands up again rather quickly, knocking Hannibal's hand off of his thigh. He paces over to his bookcase, then over to Lecter's desk, then back to the bookshelves. Hannibal quickly follows, trying to get a gentle yet firm grasp on Will's arms, but had no luck.
"Hannibal, no one can fix me," he says, turning to him suddenly, making Lecter back up just a bit to give him some room. "I screwed up already. I let all of this happen myself, I killed a man and its haunting me. I killed one person, though it feels like I killed so many." He takes a couple more gasping breaths before continuing. "I could have done the exercises you talk about, but I didn't. I thought I could handle all of this. I knew what I was going into when I went to school, but I sure as hell didn't expect all of these fucked up things to happen."
Will stays still, his hands on his face as he wipes away tears and sweat as well as his hair that was getting in his face. Hannibal takes a couple of steps toward Will, stopping when he was in arms reach of him.
"The cut open, mutilated bodies," Will whispers harshly. "Missing organs, the antlers-"
Will stops, his eyes shooting open when he feels Hannibal's hands cup his cheeks. His heart begins to race- he's been touched by Hannibal, but never was he this close to him ever.
"Will," he says in just as a hushed whisper as his was. "I know. I have seen what you have seen, it is upsetting you to talk and think about the images. You do not have to talk about that, I have seen the crime scenes." He rubs his cheeks slowly with his thumbs as he stared into Will's eyes. He went with Will on some of the investigations, so he has seen a few, but he's also committed some of these crimes, so he knew some more than others.
Will continues to pant, soon catching his breath. His breathing slows down a bit and he tries to nod, which was only slightly since Hannibal was holding his face still.
Lecter stays like this for awhile, feeling his body step once closer to Will's, and to his luck Will stays still. He guesses he was scared stiff; that’s how most people reacted when he was this close.
Graham's eyes examined his doctor's face while millions of thoughts swam in his head. What was he doing? Why was he so close? What did he have in mind?
Despite all his fears, Will still stays close to Hannibal, for the reason that he feels some kind of closure with him. It was wrong to feel this way; at least that's what he thought.
"There is nothing to fear," Hannibal says, breaking Will out of his thoughts. "You may believe there is nothing you can do about what is going on, but there is. You are not too far deep into these problems, as you may think. We can still treat you, Will, you need to do one thing, and that is to trust me. You trust me, correct?"
Will hesitates to answer his question, but eventually nods slightly. He trusted Hannibal, yes, but maybe he wouldn't have hesitated if his head wasn't in his hands. Being touched by Hannibal made his body go numb, made him shiver slightly and go completely blank.
"I trust you too, William," Lecter says with a smile, his hands still on his head. He stares into his eyes for a little while longer. He wanted to kiss Will, he wanted to do that more than anything. If he waited any longer he knew he wouldn't be able to do it.
He leans in, slow enough to make the kiss soft yet fast enough so Will wouldn't pull away. Their lips soon meet and Hannibal treasured every moment with it.
William's eyes widened at the feeling of his therapist’s lips against his. He should have expected it, Hannibal's eyes stared so hungrily at his lips and it was so obvious; a toddler would have been able to tell what was on Lecter's mind. Despite the thoughts in his head screaming at him to push him away and get out as soon as he could, he stayed. He stayed still and allowed Hannibal to kiss him. He didn't know why, but maybe deep down he wanted this. He had no clue why he would want this- Hannibal was his doctor. Hannibal was a man. The last time he checked, he wasn't interested in men, but judging by how he was kissing him back maybe he did enjoy men, even if it was just a little.
He didn't mean to kiss Hannibal back, it kind of happened on its own. He let himself go and let himself do what he wanted to do, which happened to be kissing Hannibal back. Since he was already in the process of doing it he decided to play along; it seemed to be what his heart wanted anyways. So, he lifted his hands up and placed them onto his doctor's chest, slowly inching closer to his shoulder's. Hannibal notices his hands sliding up his torso and moves his hands from his cheeks. He places his hands on Will's waist, almost immediately feeling Graham's arms wrap themselves around his neck. Lecter didn't think it would go this far. He was sure it would be a soft kiss that would last a few seconds, but here they were, holding each other with their lips still locked.
Will's arms tighten lightly around Hannibal's neck to bring himself closer to his body. As he did that, Hannibal slid his arms around his waist, pulling him a bit closer until their stomachs were touching. Hannibal took it a small step further by tilting his head to deepen the kiss.
Thoughts spiraled through Graham’s head. Would this lead to something? He highly doubted it. Hannibal didn’t seem the type to engage in sexual acts with his patients. Will was surprised he even turned into a friend, though of course he was much more surprised by the actions his doctor was doing now.
Will searched his mind and body for some sort of feeling. His mind was still giving him warning signals, telling him that this was a bad idea, but his body said otherwise. His body told him to keep going. Just as he was about to give his body what it wanted by gripping onto Hannibal’s hair and pressing himself up closer to him, Hannibal ends the kiss and pulls away. Will let out a gentle breath, which came out more as whine than anything. His heavy lids fluttered open to look at doctor Lecter. His lips were red and shiny with their saliva; it was a nice look for Hannibal, Will thought, but that was something that would stay in his head and never come out aloud.
Hannibal broke the silence.
“I believe time is up, Will,” he says in his regular tone, as if they didn’t just make out for five minutes. “Shall we schedule your next appointment?”