Chapter Text
Subaru was simple man, that was what he thought, while his might brought down archbishops, great mabeasts, and even helped to stop sphinx, he still didn’t believe in himself, despite of all things, he sure made a mess whether he step, but it wasn’t because of him, the reason being the circumstance, in Vollachia he made friends and enemies, allies and hateful friends, but he couldn’t still understand how he himself was called as a great man, despite his weakness, but for others, he needed that tittle, for Emilia to reach the throne, she need to have absurd feats! Just to compensate the fact she was born as an almost look-a-like of the witch, Subaru himself felt like everything in the world just a harder mode for him, but he did not care, he was a greedy and determinated bastard, no racism or pain would stop him.
Another funny fact his camp knew and couldn’t wrap their minds around is the fact that Subaru evaded beer and alcohol like the plague, why? They didn’t know, but it was because of the fear the immortal had involving his ability, return by death was sure, a game changing ability, but the immense pressure it put on the poor boy’s back as absurd, each death needed to be only in last case scenario, and each painful end corroded his mind, he believes this cheat was the better one, and he was simply a weak idiot who needed to relies on it due to his weakness
Even if in truth, he is the only one who could’ve resisted the extreme conditions of this accursed power, but it wasn’t the pain and misery he was afraid of letting go in a drunk possible rant, but rather that, he feared one certain characteristic of it, the taboo who stopped him from sharing the existence of his power, Vollachia showed on his face how depending on it made him at the same time stronger, but also more miserable, as Subaru reminisced through his immense adventure, he remembered why such taboo scared him, not the interruption, he could’ve dealt with that, maybe the drunk him would even ignore it, but he feared that a case similar to what happened on the sad loop where Emilia was killed by it, while he didn’t know what conditions it had to do it, fearing and evading alcohol was a wise choice, but in that fateful day, named as the “End of Calamities”, he would understand the truth behind what would happen in contact with it
“Beako! My cute Beako, what reached in my mail?”
Subaru cheerfully said, while maintaining his smile, his contracted spirit was his pride and joy, after all
“It's a letter I suppose, this indeed is what I was expecting of the sage council full of little childs in form of adults, huff”
Beatrice looked strange at the letter, but was Subaru saw what was written, he was shocked, looks like, since the incident of the march of dead, the relations that were shaky between Vollachia and Lugnica, became vastly better, after the whole ordeal, Subaru had to admit the council of sages at least gave him some praise and medals, but nothing official yet, sure that since everyone of the camps already knew about that, in the days that passed, Subaru understood better his parts of Gluttony, yes, parts, looks like Roy was found and put down like the dog he was, so Subaru’s gluttony was almost complete, looks like he could eat the sins of others and use those sins to buff himself and even pull a Daphne and create mabeasts! But he was simply saddened by his limits, he could on max do a wolgarm with days of preparation, but that helped Meili either way, and the world sure had many sins for him to eat, so he wouldn’t run out of fuel soon
As he read the letter, it was an invite for a party to commemorate his achievements for the kingdom and the Empire, the other camps would be there, which was better for him, since Roy’s death, it was now his duty to every time he saw Crusch, help her dragon blood by absorbing it partially, since her and Rem’s memories were recovered
Subaru knew Felix wanted to have more visits from the immortal boy, due to his willingness to help his lady and also because of Subaru’s knowledge on medicine, while Subaru was a bit triggered by some things and instruments (Due to death flashbacks) he still loved to help the catboy
As Emilia, who appeared to give him a good morning, saw his face, she quickly asked the matter, as Subaru explained it simply, she rushed to tell the others of the party, looks like he was warned of the invite before his camp, probably something of the politics of his fame, since he became an international hero, he had the immense fame every boy on his world wanted, fangirls made even a Fanclub, and he became shocked at random marriage proposals, also, as before, he needed to stay out of meetings to give his liege a spot, he had more fucking relevance than the candidates, he was obviously trying to see it was temporary, but in the deep of his heart, he knew his fame would mark his legacy, even if he didn’t want it
As the dinner started on the mansion, a Ram looked at him in her usual self face
“Fool Barusu, as I would expect from you, convincing even the council of the sages to fall under your assumptions and favors”
Subaru giggled at Ram and her antics, he knew it wasn’t exactly to hurt him, but his self-worth sure was low, but even it hit time to time, luckily, it wasn’t one of the times
“Maid, trying to undertake Betty’s contractor feats is sure a bad form of talking, I suppose”
As Beatrice and Ram stayed discussing, Subaru started to eat the food the maids made, Rem was having some problems adapting, she always felt bad at his presence due to shame due to her actions on the land of wolves, but as Subaru said, it wasn’t something he saw problem in, even if he should’ve
“Suuuubaruuu-kun surely keeps impressing us with his achievements”
Ah, Roswaal, Subaru can't forget what he did, but they were working together for the good of Emilia’s candidacy, thanks to everyone working really hard (not as much as Subaru tho), she was sure getting some popularity and her almost 0 chance of winning the selection actually became a plausible thing, but a discussion long ago made Subaru more alerting to the whole situation, if he keep the road of doing legendary feats, some people might stop to see Emilia as someone important to his achievements, but it was true, he needed to make Emilia have more spotlight or else she might receive the tittle of gold digger, or it would be hero digger?
But that didn’t matter for now, he needed to focus what to do involving this sort of party
“I knew Natsuki-san would do it, but wouldn’t believe how the whole ordeal was solely his if I wasn’t there, your strategy of combining your ability and making an infinite mana network to make every soldier infinitely stronger was sure a wild card”
Otto laughed at the situation and position he was, Garfiel noticing the talk decided to give his opinion
“Ma capn’t should’ve received better recognition before! Ma amazing bro is right, even if the if most ma mind can't wrap around exist, somehow cap just do it!”
“Subaru-sama truly is someone we can't hope to decipher in a thousand year”
Frederica stated, sure, she knew his adventures and what he’d done, and forever she would be grateful for his help to saving his brother, and helping her with getting closer with Otto, she would always see him as a little brother like Garfiel, he sure acted like a kid and as an adult at the same time, it was intriguing
As Emilia and her silver hair shone in the middle of the air, her speech was ready to be made through
“As we already know, Subaru as my knight has made only impossible feats and did show us his ability to make everything great, I as a candidate to the throne can't be happier to have the best knight of the world, Subaru, thanks for everything, I thank you for seeing me better than others, for my personality rather than my appearance, I shall forever be gratefull”
If anyone could read the mind of the boy who was being praised, surely they would only see self-hate and doubt, his reliance on RBD, all the times he let that beautiful smile die, he was also kind of becoming numb to things, he was waiting all that time for her confession, even if it was a no, he would at least be satisfied, he would know that he tried his best and that love isn’t out of doings or favors, but that wait was slowly killing him, his mind was like an eldritch abomination, full of pain, destruction and incomprehensible horrors, even Rui after looking at the abyss which was his mind and memories, mentally died, Spica was her new mind in old body, rebuilding itself, and bringing some console to him, Meili and Spica were like daughters to him, his kids, his love, even in his sadness, even in his pain, not only those two, but the camp itself was his family, even if he hated himself, hated the world, hated every aspect of his deaths, just one smile from any of them would make his day, so the half elf truly made him shed a tear with her speech
“And for what I believe, Emilia-tan, you will ever be the best choice of a candidate to follow, I could ever ask to get, I am thankful for everyone in this room, every hardship was a pain, but with your help, your friendship, and your trust in me, I became stronger, no, we became stronger, I can't see a future without everyone here, I can't see a future where everyone didn’t made their dreams, and even if I have to face a thousand cultists to guarantee everyone a happy ending, they better pray for whatever God they believe!”
As he ended his speech, the table was smiling, they knew that resolve, they knew that determination, and after all, the Court Mage knew what he truly meant in the speech, he would never back out, even if he had to retry a thousand times, he would do it
“You are truly greedy, SUUUUUUubaru-kun”
In an undertone, Roswaal stated, sure of his butler’s words and meaning, the clown finished his meal and exit the room, each one ended up getting out, Subaru even being the one who exit It last together with Beatrice
His spirit knew his pain, at least the scratch of it, even without knowing what pain plagues his heart she would never stop being there for him, as she took off to the bedroom before Subaru
The immortal boy stood in the hallway, until three mabeasts jumped on him, licking his face like simple dogs, as Meili ran to them trying to stop, while she was their master, technically Subaru was like their father/creator
“Sorry!! They suddenly started running to you, looks like your mabeasts truly are different than normal, while still retain domain they continue to have you in highest regard”
Subaru laughs at the introspect and rambling, he gets up, petting the garms and letting they return to Meili’s shadow, as Subaru couldn’t expect, his power and beasts were anomalies in the world, so as they always had the skill of hiding in their master’s shadow, it would evade unnecessary questions and be useful to transport, while Subaru wanted Meili to not have to fight, he still wanted her to have the ability to protect herself in danger, he pats her head as always
“Meili, it's okay, it's sure fun to act with them, as the same applies to, I don’t know how my beasts work yet, I should call them Subareats? Or Shadow beasts? I don’t know, but my authority is still cool”
As he started yapping, Meili threw a laugh at his antics and subaruisms, sure, the boy acted like a boy sometimes, but he knew how to be mature in the most of situations, they talked a bit about the possible names of his summons, he needed to get ready for the day, he trained, helped in some chores, brainstormed with Beatrice as always, like building up for the party in somedays, he lived like every day, but as in the kitchen alone in the night, his mouth still liberated that black sludge, it was becoming common, everyone in the mansion did let their sins getting eaten by Subaru, the sludge was the excess, somehow, Subaru used it to form mabeasts, as he finished feeling the tank, it started forming, but it was incomplete, and now, hidden under his shadow, he was having work on this personal body guard he was building, almost two months of work, it surely was going to be useful later, he needed to find a way to fight in any possible case Satella decided Gusteko was a good trip for him
“Urg, the taste of sins is like shit, but for them, I might even be able to bear it, this is one of my ways of getting better”
As he slowly made his way into his bedroom, where Beatrice was waiting for him, he was in his now pajamas, slowly falling onto the bed, his mind showing the same bad feelings of every night, his sleep filled with nightmares, he sure would look like shit, if he didn’t sleep normally, so he made the favor and eat his hot milk and wandered in the lands of dreams and nightmares, as his steps in a faded dark room, surrounded him
As the skies of starless nights showed in his sleep, he knew what it meant, even in his dreams, the world made sure he was no star, he was the only one man, in earth, imprisoned to his power, the shadows and clocks melting on the floor as his power, and a blood rain being his failures, as he wanders, he shakes his mind, and quickly drift into a dreamless night
As he wakes up, at his favorite spirit’s side, he opens the curtains, as Beatrice slowly wake up, ready for the day
“My dear contractor wakes me up again without asking, I suppose, how can I make you stop in such a brute way?” She jokes as the spirit starts her routine, Subaru laughs at her jokes, he starts to get ready, the camp was organizing the trip to the party, it would be a long, but yet fun travel
While everyone talked, did all they were supposed to do, Subaru stayed looking at the skies, never forgetting his dreams, wishing he had more strength and power to never remember the dread of death, but he wouldn’t abandon his ideals for it, it would be easier with sacrifices, but he promised, nobody he loves or care would die in his watch without him returning
“Garf, I sure am curious at what Natsuki-san has been thinking all this travel, hours have passed and he still don’t talk with anyone”
“Ma amazin cap is probably thinkn a possible way for showing his amaziness!”
“Subaru-kun surely looks a lot more pensative since last day, probably the tension of such difficulties in maintaining the image is getting to him” While feeling incapable of deserving him after Vollachia, she hugged the now confused hero, as Emilia and Beatrice gasp at the sudden move, Subaru almost jolts off his line of thinking, but he acted fast and hugged her back, after hearing Garfiel and Otto, he knew he was acting different and needed to back up
“Thanks Rem-rim, I was feeling kind of underwhelmed lately, but I am thankful you are trying to help”
“Subaru you dunderhead, why didn’t say you were feeling bad! I as your boss must help whenever you need!”
“Who even say dunderhead this day Emilia-tan?” He smiles a little, that what he liked, little fun with his friends, not some worries, not dangerous deaths or anything like that “I am sorry for not vocalizing it before, I was worried I would worry you all too much, what an irony? Isn’t it?”
Everyone understood what he was saying, and they nodded, still on sharp eyes in him, ever since his trip to the land of wolves, he always feared 2 things
They founding out about the pill, and they finding out about the scratches, even Beatrice was getting more worried, the number 10 triggered bad memories in him, fuck Olbart, the self-harm was getting more frequent
But as the days passed, he knew how to hide the pill perfectly, how? Simply by hiding it together with the mabeasts rests under his shadow, it now worked like a secondary inventory for the boy, easier to transport and more surprising to opponents when he suddenly pulls a whip from void itself
In the start of the night, they reached the party, it started the moment they stepped up, Priscilla and Vincent happily talking about some matters (Priscilla was scaring Subaru with that laugh) Yorna was eyeing him, he couldn’t dismiss the stare, he was thinking it was because something was in his suit, the black and orange suit was beautiful and showed everyone here what he was capable of making, yes, he sewed it himself, as he walked more, he saw the sages discussing something and preparing the speech to start formally everything, the divine generals were, well, doing their thing, Cecilus was the exception, as he was trying really hard to not invite Reinhard to a fight, speaking of the sword saint, he, Felix and Julius came to greet him
“I can't believe nyah! Subaryun-kun disappeared for some time and the wholyan Empire and made it get piece with the kingdom nyah”
“I am not surprised, ever since Subaru became a knight, he showed more and more a capable one despite his weakness, and thanks to you, I was able to recover my name, I couldn’t be more grateful”
Julius and Felix started praising his achievements, why? Because of not only the party being centered around it, but also, they knew Subaru had an abysmal self-esteem, that’s a good reason to lift him up, as Reinhard was happier, he thanked Subaru for his work, not only that, but Subaru noticed that now it made sense, Reinhard was always viewed as a God in human skin, having him in a place akin to him in popularity and fame made it even better, now that pressure and attention wasn’t solely on him
As the knight greeted and had a powerful talk, with them, until a sage got up and started to talk with everyone present
“I have an announcement! Everyone here, we must say thanks to the Hero of Pristella, Slayer of Archbishops of Sin, Ender of the Undead, Fear of the Great Mabeasts and after all, the Half-Elf’s knight” Subaru could swear he saw one of sages scoffing in anger at the mention of his last tittle “We know thanks to him and his comrades and strategy, various Calamities and world ending scenarios where stopped, thanks to him, invincible beings showed to be vincible, thanks to him we can have a party not only of Lugunicans, but also of Vollachians, we can say he brought peace to the world many times, so I invite him for the better distinction we can give”
As everyone clapped, Subaru slowly walked at the top of the stairs, he felt like puking, his mind shouted that he was unworthy of all that praise, he walked, against his fears, his self-hatred, to everyone else, each sound of step, was a moment of tension, the strongest ones, could sense an aura of deity involving his walk, each celestial step, like a hero in his way for the blessing of an angel, or great spirit by this worlds metric, Subaru felt at each step, a harder one, his sins, crawling under his back, like cruelty itself, like a burning green flame, like the dead souls of his old worlds were shouting at his failures
But he felt as he finished in the last degree, some sort of relief, his patience, rewarding his trial, a gray world becoming colorful, souls who were shouting started clapping and happily singing
And in the end, the sages together took something out of the box, an insignia, not of the royals, more like a badge, it was put in his suit, but absorbed by it, no, by his body, as he felt something under his clothes, the sages instructed him to take the top of, and on his skin, in his chest, was a mark of the dragon, as he put his hand there, he took of a black and white axe, as everyone there clapped and were shocked at it, the sages explained
“The dragon deemed him worthy, of the ancient relic, an axe like none know where it came from, and with inscriptions none can even decipher, the greatest thing the kingdom can offer, the dragon’s trial”
As Subaru before putting the axe back at his chest and making the tattoo, he looked the letters, in Japanese, he was shocked, as he accidentally did read the letters
“It's, Witch Slayer?”
The sages were the only ones who heard, turning to him, as he just read the unknown language and said what he said
“We will talk about it later”
Subaru put the axe back at his body and put the suit on again, doing a thumbs up, as he started to descend, the party resumed, everyone was ecstatic, Subaru receiving such blessing was a miracle, even the kings didn’t have access to it, as he saw again everyone start to have their time, he saw the world differently, the hopeful eyes of his friends, all the times he did work, all the pain, it was worth it, the lives who were saved, the protected smiles, and after all, happy families, he knew Emilia wouldn’t retribute his love, he was having a false hope, but maybe, he could have this delusion a bit more, as he walked through the party, the nobles greeting him, the candidates applauding him, and the knights drinking, his friends talking, as his pressure and mind even with his happiness, he could still feel some pain, sure, he felt better, but it wasn’t enough, as he saw an alcohol full wine, he could see the pristine glass looking at him
Otto, Garfiel, Rem, Ram, Emilia, Beatrice, Frederica and even Roswaal were in certain expectation, Crusch, now able to walk, looked at Emilia confused
“Emilia, why Subaru next to the wine seems to surprise you so much? You are looking at him like he is making a bigger achievement than the ones prior”
“OH! Crusch, it's because Subaru never drinks alcohol, he evades it like some sort of plague or else, that nincompoop is always saying it's because of other matters”
Anastasia, seeing this development greatly, was hoping for him to drink, after all, maybe she could get some info of DrunkBaru
As Subaru looked at it, he just said mentally: (Fuck Envy, I am going to test)
As he just drinks the entire bottle in a matter of seconds, everyone looks at him surprised, even the already drunk ones, who cheered on his doing, as Subaru had his cheeks red, he started to drink more, he indulged in it, his sins were getting absorbed, and as he saw Yorna getting near, they started to talk, and everything blacked out
__________________
It was a great morning next day. A full happy year, a full happy mind, but, Subaru woke up with his head like hell, he drank too much, as he looked at his bed, he saw his clothes in all of the bedroom, as he was naked, Yorna was also at his side, on her beautiful nude body, Subaru also saw a ring on his and Yorna’s hand, he could also sense a new authority in him, and on the window everyone was singing in happiness, about the end of something, and lastly, Beatrice enters the bedroom, asking him the too waited question he himself made
“WTF? I SUPPOSE!”