Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

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Steve sits on the hospital bed for what felt like the hundredth time but this time was different. Fresh out of surgery, that had been to correct the damage the vines and Vecna had on him. The bats had actually healed most of his wounds on the outside and Vecna had to be doing something to keep him alive, but there was still going to be a long recovery for him. His mind was as tired as his body was. It made everything feel like the end of the world and he knew better but he couldn’t stop the tears.

Whatever Vecna had done to push his memories around had broken every barrier Steve had used to keep his emotions back. His ability to shove down emotions was gone and he found himself laid out for all to see. When he came out of surgery, still slightly high to see El and Hopper waiting there for him he burst into tears. Hopper had been quick to question if he was alright and if he was in any pain while El had held the only hand he had left.

So, he couldn’t help the tears. It was the first time he had seen Hopper in what felt like years. He had feared he’d never see any of his family again but with Hopper it was different. He knew that his time in Russia had changed him and he couldn't imagine what he looked like anymore. He desperately wanted to see the change for more than a second. But he also wanted to see Hopper and reassure himself that the man was truly alive and in front of him once again.

Eventually, he was able to communicate enough for Hopper to understand and shift things around so that he and El could hold Steve. Steve leaned against Hopper with El pressed into their sides. His apologies were ignored as he felt Hopper holding back his tears. His apologies were ignored as El assured him that she wanted to be closer to him as well. Their little family finally reunited as it should be.

And that first night he fell asleep with El curled up alongside him. When he awoke, Hopper had been asleep in one of the chairs. Hopper's hand was in El’s, dangling between the bed and the chair. Steve’s hand rested on El’s back and he glanced at the stub that used to be his left arm. And he started to cry. He had used that arm for so much and now… now he’d never be able to pretend he was perfectly fine. He’d never be able to pretend he didn’t go through hell.

Hopper’s hand landed on his shoulder startling him. When he locked eyes with the older man, his lip trembled and he tried to keep in his sobs. Hopper scooched the chair closer and tried to give him a reassuring smile. El woke up when the first sob broke through and Hopper sent her off to get them breakfast. Letting Steve cry on his shoulder once again.

“I- I’m sorry,” Steve let out and Hopper chuckled.

Steve locked eyes with him and saw the broken look on Hopper’s face mixed with fondness. “You know the first time I decided to keep an eye on you was when you cried in front of me. You apologized then too. Told me to just give you a ticket, basically begged me to give you a ticket.” Steve looked away sucking in his bottom lip. “I told you then and there to go to me if you ever needed someone. And I didn’t just say that to just anyone, you know.”

Steve squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop his tears. “Steve, let yourself cry. I promise it’s okay,” Hopper stated and Steve huffed.

“I hate crying. I just hate it so fucking much! It makes my head hurt,” he whined, his tears going towards more angry tears than anything else. “It’s so fucking stupid! Why can’t I stop? It’s just my fucking arm. So, what, I- I’m still alive! Everyone made it out!” He started to rant but slowed when he saw the way Hopper’s eyes grew watery. The anger just died right there and then. The sob ripped from him.

“Haven’t I given enough?” He whispered, looking at Hopper. “Eddie kept telling me that I deserved better. That I didn’t deserve what my parents would do but shit keeps coming at me… it feels like someone believes I deserve this.” He choked out and Hopper moved to sit on the bed next to him. Pulling him close, wary of the cords attached to Steve.

Hopper cupped the back of his head, letting Steve hide his face in his neck. “The world is cruel; it doesn’t let those who deserve it get a break.” He sighed, “you have given so much Steve. I- you and El have given so much and the world seems to just keep taking. I’m so sorry I can’t protect you from everything.”

Steve shook from his sobs and could only grip onto Hopper with one arm, it was unfair. “You deserve a happy life, Steve. And I really want to help you make the rest of yours as happy as it can be.”

“You came back alive; I think you made it happier already.” He mumbled into Hopper’s shirt, getting a small laugh in response. “Vecna or Henry… or whatever we called him.” He started, pulling back to look at Hopper. “He forced me to share a lot that I never wanted to.” He picked at the blanket, “But I made myself promise to stop hiding it all away.”

There was a long pause in which Steve took his time to gather the right words. “I fought to survive because I knew there were people waiting on me. Because I promised Eddie that I’d live for him… but I haven’t lived for myself in a long time.” He fought the tears back, “Can you-” he paused and looked away from him. “Can you help me learn how to live for myself?” He whispered and Hopper’s eyes went soft.

However, the conversation ended with a knock on the door. El peaked her shaved head in, her arms filled with food. She set it down and Hopper took over. Separating it up between the three of them, handing Steve a decent portion of food. Steve sipped on the juice El had given him with a smile and he looked at the kid in front of him. “I kissed Max,” El stated and Steve choked. He was glancing over at Hopper who stared with wide eyes.

Hopper cleared his throat, “not Mike?” She shook her head and he grinned, ruffling her hair. “Good job,” he smirked.

“She is coming at 9,” El smiled brightly. She looked at Steve, “She said I was pretty too.” It’s so sweet that Steve smiles.

He lets her lead the conversation until the door opens with a loud bang and in came the party. Dustin at the lead, Max only a couple steps behind him pulling Lucas along who was arguing with Erica. Mike and Will entered with soft smiles on their faces and Steve hoped he didn’t look like he started that morning with a breakdown. From their faces, they could tell right away. “We have news on Nancy, Robin, and Eddie,” Max states. Giving him an out that he gladly took. Not just to skip the questions about his emotional state but also the state of three people he loved.

Steve had been mostly out of it when they came to save him. Barely remembering anything but the pain. But he knew that the freaking bats used their saliva which had healing properties(?) to stop him and Nancy from bleeding out. He was helped out of the Creel House by Wayne but then Eddie collapsed himself. Apparently, he was given part of the dust woman(?) to help defeat Vecna… And once Vecna was dead and gone, she took it back. Dustin had started explaining it yesterday before Lucas shut him up. But it sounded like a part of Eddie was ripped away from him and there was a lot of screaming involved. It's all kinda a blur.

After that, Hopper carried Steve, Wayne carried Eddie, Joyce helped Will, Nancy was supported by Jonathan and Mike, Robin and Chrissy helped each other, and Max and Lucas got El out. Overall, it sounded like a complete mess. Especially when they exited the Upside Down and all the gates sealed shut, blocking humans from (hopefully) ever entering it again. Steve personally never wanted to go back into that world so he wasn’t upset about it.

“Robin got some stitches and is back at her house with Chrissy. She was a little pissed about them not letting her wait to see how you were doing but she was also exhausted so she gave in. Nancy's resting down on the 1st floor but it's mostly just a waiting game for the wound to heal. Eddie’s awake and driving Claudia and Wayne insane.” Max grinned, “he’s tried to escape and head here multiple times but they’re trying to make sure to get the story out before he’s seen… uh how he is.” Max finished with an awkward smile. Steve’s eyes narrowed, but he knew Max could hold back a secret. So… he looked to Dustin.

Dustin’s eyes widened and he looked at the others who were throwing warning looks at him but Steve only had to raise his eyebrow for Dustin to crack. “He’s all different now!” Dustin says instead of the cover story that Steve had wanted. Or the news of how Eddie was feeling.

“Like his canines are pointier but not as pointy as they had been, along with his ears! It’s like dust lady hadn’t truly remembered what he looked like before and just tried her best. His nails are darker than normal but it kinda just looked like he put a single coat of black paint on them! And he grew 4 inches, we measured!” Dustin rambled, making the others groan.

“4 inches?” Steve frowned, “he’s taller than me now.” It came out as a whine. But it made El laugh so he figured it would be fine.

Max moved to stand on one side of his bed and Hopper stood. “I should get going but I’ll be back later,” he promised and Steve smiled at the man.

“Bye Dad,” El called and Hopper smiled at her before looking at Steve.

Steve’s mouth twitched, “bye Pops.” Hopper’s smile was worth the blush that no doubt covered his face. With the little extra room, Steve shifted so that Max could cuddle up next to El, under his arm.

The rest of them moved and took up places in the room. Dustin and Erica sat at the end of the bed. Lucas sat in the chair on the side with Max and El. While Mike and Will sat on the side closer to Steve. They kept the conversation flowing and Steve couldn’t help the love that bloomed in his chest. They were his family… The first tear fell and his chest hitched, alerting El to his tears. “Mama?” She whispered and Steve let out a soft laugh, the sound muddled by tears.

The kids all looked panicked, asking if he felt okay and if they needed to call for someone. But he shook his head, laughing for real now. It made his stomach ache but he was relieved. “I never thought I’d see this again,” he says, smiling.

Mike frowns, “asshole! We thought you were hurt!” Will hits him over the head and Max chuckles.

Steve sniffled, “I’m not trying to cry, asshole.” He huffs trying to sound annoyed but alternately fails.

El smiled, “Owens said his emotions will feel like too much as he heals. His brain is tired and overwhelmed.” She explains as Steve tries to get his tears back under control. “We don’t mind, cry as much as you need, Mama,” El promised and Steve frowned. His lower lip shook at the sincerity of her words. Fresh tears welling up like he had an infinite amount.

Then the door slammed open. A group of people hurried in and shut it behind them quickly. Steve smiled instantly at the sight of a familiar head of hair. Eddie whipped his head towards them and grinned. Nancy was between Jonathan and Chrissy looking exhausted but happy to be there. Robin looked amused at the whole situation, a crutch under her arm. “I escaped,” Eddie sang out but froze at the sight of Steve. “You’re crying? Why are you crying? Do I have to-”

“Just get over here,” Steve ordered and Eddie easily listened. He moved faster than normal but he figured some of that Upside Down shit would stay with him. What he didn’t expect though was being picked up enough so that Eddie could sit him in his lap. Eddie’s arms wrapped around his waist and he huffed, resting his head in the crook of Steve’s neck. The rest of them fit in, barely. The room was definitely not meant to have that many people in it.

“You lost weight, my precious melody.” He mumbled into Steve’s good ear and he leaned back into Eddie.

“You’re so in love it’s disgusting,” Max complains suddenly. Steve jumps and looks down at the girls too big to really fit in the bed with him. Especially with him in Eddie’s lap and two people at the end of the bed. Max had a soft smile on her face as she reached up and pushed his glasses back up his nose.

Her nose wrinkles and he missed her reactions. He had been more than relieved to learn that Vecna had cursed him to share his injuries, taking out his anger on Steve while also using Steve's body to stay alive until he could start the next phase of his plan. But when that connection broke, he had gotten his sight back. He wonders if he would’ve got feeling back in his arm too. But he tries not to dwell on that for too long. “I think it’s cute,” El smiled up at him and then over at Max. The redhead went soft at her smile and Steve wiggled his eyebrows at her over El’s head. Max glared up at him before focusing on Eddie who was talking with Mike.

The boy was just kind of staring at Eddie as Eddie started to ramble about the bats he thought were birds and how he had named them after all of them. The one he named Mike was constantly bringing him cool stones like a crow. How his favorite was Stevie who perched on his shoulder and how the one he named Erica would pull on his hair when it wanted his attention. Steve felt so exhausted and listened to Eddie, telling them about all the bats.

“Steve,” Dustin whispered, trying not to disrupt the story. He glanced over and tapped the medical board he was reading. “You have to take your next set of pills.” He said and Steve wasn't surprised by the way he just decided to read it for Steve. Dustin moved around, still reading from the clipboard to make sure he was got it all ready. Steve watched him carefully, letting him place the pills to his lips and bring the cup up so he could drink. Steve rolls his eyes but swallows them down. “You have to eat something with it,” he muttered and El hummed, leaning over Max before sitting back up with a pudding cup.

Eddie presses a kiss to his cheek as El opened it up for him. However, she didn’t let him unwind his arm from around her and Max. Instead, El took it and started feeding Steve like Steve couldn’t do it himself. “We’ve got you,” Eddie murmurs. He presses a kiss to Steve’s bandaged neck.

“Mama,” El warned like the spoon full of pudding as if it was a weapon to his throat. He huffed a laugh and looked away from Eddie to her, opening his mouth obediently. Her warm smile made it hard to be embarrassed.

He looked at the kids who looked like they were trying not to stare and sighed. You said you would not hide if you survived. If you do not do this now, you will never get to. Vecna’s voice taunted him in his brain and he looked down at the empty pudding cup. Swallowing hard he looked up at the people he loved. “Alright, everyone gets one question. I’ll answer in detail and honestly. Don’t be afraid to dig something deep. I’m done hiding shit,” he huffed leaning into Eddie more. Eddie gripped him a little tighter but didn’t say anything.

Erica paused and Steve gave her a small smile. “Did you ignore the music that night?” Her voice wasn’t as sure as it normally was.

Steve looked down, “not on purpose. When it started, I was stuck. Vecna had me pinned and I couldn’t break free. He showed me the Vecna-Killing-Party getting choked out and I was trying to get free. But then I saw… I saw Eddie and I-” He stopped for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “Vecna showed me Eddie being torn apart by the bats and I couldn’t run. I knew I should’ve but I couldn’t stand it. Not when… it felt like I was there, holding his blood in his body. It felt so real and I couldn’t leave him to die,” Steve admitted.

“Then El came and I wanted to give her a chance to fight. So, I stayed, but when I tried to help he knocked me out easily. When I woke up the music was gone,” Steve finished and looked around at everyone. He held onto Max’s shoulder and truly appreciated Eddie’s hands on him. “I could hear you guys yelling at me and I’m sorry but he knew I wouldn’t leave Eddie behind.”

Erica nods, she and Dustin look a little better at the admittance. “I thought you were trying to hold the door for us again,” Erica whispered almost too quietly for Steve to hear. “Like when you let us escape in the Russian base.”

“I’m sorry,” he said softly and she nodded sharply, trying to stop her emotions from coming out.

“What did your parents do after Barb?” Nancy blurted, her eyes so guilty he had to look away.

He swallowed, “my parents were assholes. My mom abandoned me physically and emotionally at every chance but my dad… had a temper. They didn’t want kids but my grandparents said they wouldn’t even think about giving them their inheritance if they didn’t. So, I was born. I basically lived with my grandparents until they passed away… but when they passed away, my parents learned that they had made me the sole inheritor.” Steve rambled, trying to be as honest as he could. “After that, they couldn’t stand the sight of me and I was left home alone most of the time. They’d leave for weeks at a time which turned into months at a time. They hired someone to drive me places to avoid getting bad looks until I could drive myself.” He licked his lips, “they came home because of that party… and he beat the shit out of me. I don’t know how bad because I didn’t go to the hospital but it hurt to breathe for a while.” He said trying to act like he wasn’t watching Nancy cry. Tears fell from his eyes anyway.

"You're saying I beat you up after you-" Jonathan started but stopped himself. He looked so disgusted at himself and Steve couldn't let that slide.

He glared at him, "hey. You know I was trying to pick a fight with you. I pushed every button I could just to see you lash out." He stated, ignoring the looks from the others. "Do you honestly think I just said that shit about your family because that's what I thought? No, I was pissed at everything and I chose to take it out on you in hope that you would take it out on me." He swallowed, "Dude I was literally pushing every button you had just to get you to hit me."

"We need to talk about your coping skills," Dustin pointed out and Steve laughed. They didn't even know the worst of it.

“Why did you break down when we locked you in the bathroom?” Lucas questioned, after a little prompting. 

A small laugh escaped Steve’s lips and he felt both Eddie and El tense next to him. “Sorry, I know it’s not funny,” he glanced at El. “But… it’s like he knew I left something out.” He locked eyes with Lucas. “My dad would lock me in the shed in our backyard. He did it most of the time they were home. They didn’t want me around so if I didn’t hide, they’d find a reason to lock me in there. It’s why I couldn’t let anyone in there. It’s filled with first aid supplies so I can take care of any wounds. They locked me in there after he finished with me. I had been terrified because Barb had just disappeared from my backyard and I was expected to sleep in there.” That one was almost easier to say. It hurt, sure, but he had thought it was normal for a long time.

“Did Tuesday dinners start to keep you from killing yourself? Is that why you stayed at Hopper's or mine or Eddie’s or Dustin’s?” Robin questioned rambling a little and Steve was startled.

He paused, looking at all the sad faces. “Yeah… Tommy set it up for me.” At the surprised looks he sighed. “Tommy came over one Tuesday after graduation, to talk. He wanted to clear the air between us before he and Carol left for Pennsylvania. But I was wasted and had been planning to uh, I was planning on ending it that night. Tuesdays had always been the worst for me and I just wanted to stop, to- I don’t know, make amends? I was going to stop trying… I was tired and scared. My parents had disowned me and I didn’t know what the next step was, really.” He said softly, not able to look Robin in the eye.

Sighing he continued, “we yelled and fought until he was able to convince me to just go to bed. And that morning he helped me apply to Scoops Ahoy and set up dinner with Claudia and Hopper. So it switched every other day so no one caught on... Eventually, it got bigger and bigger until most of you were there too. I still spend most Tuesdays with someone but it stopped being just a barrier for me. I like cooking and spending time with all of you.” He finished, crying now as he saw Robin’s tears. “Stop, I’m trying to get through this!” He huffed wanting to stop his tears.

“I’m not trying to make you cry! You made me cry! It’s not my fault you cry when I cry,” Robin hiccupped and Steve laughed a little. 

He cleared his throat and looked around, gaze landing on Chrissy. “Anything Chris?” He questioned and she bit her lip.

Slowly, ever so slowly she nodded. “Do you- do you think that you would’ve given up without Eddie?” She whispered and Steve flinched.

Eddie’s grip went slack and Steve shot him a glare. He tightened it back up and Steve took a deep breath. “I was going to try. But- but I lost him when I finally got him back. Every time I went to do simple things I was reminded and I couldn’t stand it. Eating… eating was impossible but I was trying to live for him, for all of you. I had promised to live and I was trying my best to keep that promise.” He said softly, feeling Eddie kiss his shoulder once again. “But I don’t know for sure. We can’t know because even when I thought he was gone… every time I slept I felt that warmth.”

Eddie muttered a small, “I couldn’t lose you either.” And Steve teared up once again.

“God, someone ask me something before I start crying again.” He begged and got a small chuckle before Will cleared his throat.

Steve looked over and Will wasn’t looking at him. “Do- do you blame me?” He said so softly Steve couldn’t hear him. He made a soft noise of confusion which had Eddie repeating it for him.

It broke Steve’s heart and he shook his head. “No, I would- why would I blame you?” He questioned and Will looked close to tears.

“When we were in the Upside Down you begged me not to let him in but I didn’t listen. I folded because he was hurting you and then he made- he made me hurt you.”

Steve nodded, “I don’t blame you. I would’ve done the same thing. I have basically done the same thing. I lost to Vecna and dragged both of our asses into the Upside Down in the first place. And I hated what happened but it wasn’t your fault. It was Vecna using you to do his bidding. You didn’t order the vines to hurt me. You didn’t chop off my arm. He did,” Steve ordered and Will nodded. His eyes were filled with tears and Steve sighed. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

“I- I love you too,” Will whispered finally starting to cry.

“Why didn’t you ask for help? Why didn’t you tell us?” Mike snapped and Steve’s eyes jumped to him. The sharp tone hiding any real emotion.

Steve sighed, “would you tell Holly?”

“I’m not an actual child,” he defended.

It made Steve smile, “I grew up being told that any weakness should be hidden. It’s why I was never diagnosed with Dyslexia because it was a sign of weakness. And it was just second nature to hide everything. Even from all of you. I did a lot of stupid shit to try and fix myself but nothing worked. And I felt broken. I felt unlovable. So how could I ask you to accept me at my worst when I didn’t expect you to accept me at my best?... I wanted to be strong for you. I wanted all of you to be able to come to me with your problems without thinking about my own problems.” He added after a beat, letting it all out.

“I love you,” Robin said softly.

“I love you, buddy,” Dustin echoed.

Suddenly everyone said I love you all soft and sincere, making Steve shudder and let out a sob. Eddie pressed his lips to Steve’s ear, “I love you.”

Steve hiccupped and laughed, “you assholes.” He choked out, the tears falling fast. “I love you all too,” he promised.

“Okay, okay, geez, let's move on. Jonathan, you’re up.” He nodded towards him and Jonathan looked deep in thought.

He nodded, “did you actually think I was a nice guy after I slept with Nancy while you two were still together?” He asked and the kids whipped their heads to look at the two of them.

Steve huffed and went red in the face, “uh yeah...”

He hoped it would be dropped but Max saw that look and fucking gasped, “no fucking way! Jonathan?”

Steve whacked her over the head, burning red. “Shut it, Mayfield.” But it was too late the kids were catching on.

“You liked Jonathan?”

“Dude actually?”

“Why though?”

“Should I be jealous?” Eddie questioned and Steve laughed. He glanced back at Eddie, rolling his eyes.

“Okay fine! I thought it was hot that you took me down so easily,” Steve admitted and laughed at the blush on Jonathan’s face. “But that wasn’t the reason I thought you were sweet, okay? I honestly thought you were a good guy… after Nancy and I talked the morning after the Halloween Party I assumed it was over. So, when I saw you guys together, it just made sense. I had been thinking that you were probably better for her than I was the entire since we had gotten back together. So, you took her home and made sure she was okay, and well… it hurt but I couldn’t hate you for being who she needed. I had to deal with my own shit at the time anyways.”

It was quiet for a while and Max muttered, “Billy.” Steve tensed up so badly that everyone noticed. However, El beat them to it.

“Why did it sound like he was being mean when he called you pretty?” She questioned and Steve didn’t know if he could say this. This was so fucking personal that it felt wrong.

Still, he swallowed, “because he meant it to hurt.” He said softly, looking over everyone. Seeing the sad look on Robin’s face and how Nancy and Jonathan looked like they already knew.

“You don’t have to,” Eddie whispered into his good ear and Steve leaned into his hold a little more.

“Billy had started picking on me when he moved here. I was the top dog and I was in his way. But nothing happened except for being shoved around and called names. Well… nothing happened until Halloween.” His voice was growing watery. “I went to the quarry after the party. I was just so hurt and didn’t want to deal with the empty shell of a home. So, I drove there and Billy was already there. He- he offered me alcohol and I took it. It tasted wrong but I was too focused on ranting to really notice.” He said softly, something he never told anyone. It was bad enough to be raped, but drugged…

“He took over the conversation then. Told me how easy it was to steal my crown like I gave a shit. But then he mentioned how Tommy… how Tommy thought I was sleeping with Eddie. Which was true at one point and I tried to deny but-” his voice broke and he squeezed his eyes shut. “He kissed me, shoved me around and I felt like I couldn’t control my limbs. Then he and I had sex.” He stated, not able to say the other word. Never able to say the other word. “So, when we fought and he pinned me to the ground I couldn’t move. I don’t know if it was fear or actual pain, I couldn’t do anything.”

“Steve-” Jonathan tried but Steve cut him off.

“But it didn’t stop there. He tried to do it again when I gave him back his car that night and Hopper and Jonathan found me. They stopped him and I was so fucking lost. And I hoped that would be the end of it but… but it wasn’t because it became a way for me to hurt myself without actually doing the hurting. It happened again and again and I wanted to die. But I couldn’t stop because I didn’t want to admit it wasn’t something I wanted. I couldn’t- I didn’t think men could be…” he trailed off.

He looked at his friends, “then I had a swim meet.” He huffed a laugh, Eddie’s hands tightening on his waist. “Billy had left handprints and hickies everywhere. It became the talk of the school and I tried to laugh it off. But then someone had to play knight in shining armor… Eddie had known about the first time and this proved it hadn’t stopped. He fought him and Billy won. But it knocked enough sense into me. So, I tore him apart in front of everyone before ending it all.” He stated and licked his lips, “So, uh, yeah, he called me pretty as a taunt.”

He was trying to make sure to keep his breathing even as he looked at everyone. “What did you dream about that day we went to Indy?” Max questioned, probably thinking it was tied on and easily explained.

Steve swallowed, “It was a time I slept with him. He did something that freaked me out and I hated it… but that wasn’t all.” He sighed, feeling so tired but wanting to get it over with. “I pushed him away and when he hit the ground he was dying. I looked around and I thought I saw Max and I didn’t want her to see it again so I ran after her.”

“But I fell. I was in my pool with the vines holding me down. Then Billy, Barb, Hopper… and Nancy, and Jonathan showed up. I had a dream that I failed to save them from the Demogorgon the night before. And they were all- all ripped apart and bloody. They yelled and tore me down before they took turns killing me how they died before… then Hopper came up to me and told me how I didn’t know how he died and I should’ve been better. And flames started up. I listened to all of them burn alive before the fire took me too.” He finished, twirling a piece of Max’s hair in his hand.

Then he looked at Dustin, “your turn, bud.” He said softly and Dustin blinked like he was still trying to wrap his head around it all. “Just, uh, no more questions about Billy, okay?”

Dustin nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, “what you said to Vecna… about only throwing yourself in every fight was because you wanted to die. About only being a human shield… do you- do you really feel that way?”

Steve took a moment to think, to make sure he said it the right way. “No,” he started, seeing Dustin relax a little. “No, I helped because I’d hate myself if any of you were hurt. I didn’t lie about being ready to die but I didn’t help to try to die. And yeah, I feel like bullshit a lot of the time and that I’d only be useful to you twirps in a fight but uh, Mike actually made me realize it wasn’t like that. Because he was right. You guys kept coming to me for help even though Nancy was a badass fighter and Jonathan had beaten my ass in a fight. But you all kept coming to me. So… yeah. Sometimes- like sometimes it feels easier to give up but I won’t. And Vecna knew that. He knew I wouldn’t give up when you all still needed me. It’s why he showed me you guys failing. To break me.”

“So, I feel broken but I’ll keep trying to pick up my pieces until I’m not needed anymore.” He said softly and Dustin moved a little closer.

He cleared his throat, tears in his eyes. “You don’t have to do that alone. I want to help you pick up your pieces.”

“Me too,” Robin said quickly, followed by Max and Will. Then El, Mike, Nancy, Jonathan, and Chrissy.

Eddie pulled him closer, tracing patterns into his stomach. “So, baby, my question is how will you let us help you? Where do you go from here?”

Steve swallowed back tears at the unexpected question. He sniffled, “well first on my to-do list is to get custody of Max… after that, see my boyfriend graduate from high school. I want to go on a date with my boyfriend and celebrate with the rest of you. But after that… I don’t know. But I know I want to spend my time with my family. Gotta stick around until a few gremlins graduate but… who knows where the future will go. I just know I’m done putting on a mask. I’m done hiding.”

Eddie pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I can work with that.”