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Wisteria on the Water 

James hadn’t been to a lot of funerals before, but with Sirius running it, he didn’t expect it to be traditional. And he was right to think that way, Sirius had set up the service to be in his London flat and invited everyone he could think of. 

James took his dutiful post as greeter, standing by the door to welcome everyone in as soon as he and Lily arrived. The only thing James had done otherwise was pull the bundle of wisteria he brought with him out of his expanded bag to place on the table, hiding his light coughs behind a handkerchief and then a glass of water as he began to welcome everyone. 

Sirius would be in no condition to greet people anyway. 

People began to trickle in, with James exchanging pleasantries with them and thanking them for coming, and every face felt as somber as his heart. Everyone here loved Regulus, and he probably didn’t think anyone would have even cared enough to show up. Even if he didn’t think he was worth the effort or energy, everyone else had. That was the worst part.

It was a small crowd, mostly close family and school friends, and James was beyond grateful when the trickle of feet in the door slowed down. Sirius and Remus, thankfully, had decided immediately to host the funeral for Regulus when the Rosier twins and Barty Crouch Jr came to deliver the news. 

No one knew exactly what happened. Regulus told no one what he’d gone to do, and the only reason they knew he was gone was because of a letter he'd sent. Pandora Rosier had gotten it a few mornings ago, and from what he understood, Regulus left no explanation. Just that he was sure he would be dead. The thought of it made everyone ache. He didn’t warn anyone, and didn’t try to take anyone with him. Everyone who loved him, truly loved him, was still here reeling from the news. 

Andromeda Tonks, and a blonde woman who looked very familiar, but James couldn’t place it. 

Dorcas and Marlene, who Lily had pulled into a hug. 

Peter was in the corner, wide eyed and nursing a firewhisky. He’d been almost in shock. 

Barty, Evan, and Pandora, all looking more murderous and heartbroken than James had seen anyone look before. They hadn’t even graduated left, the three of them we’re headed back to Hogwarts for their 7th year in the fall.

Sirius, shaking and silent. He and Remus had been staying at the Manor. Sirius hadn’t been to work in days, too sick with the grief of it all to function. 

Remus, doing his job of being Sirius’ rock, even though James could see the pain in it for him. James knew that Remus had a soft in his heart for Regulus. There were many days during the aftermath of the prank that James had seen the two of them together on the map, probably smoking out of the edge, while sitting in the Astronomy tower. But every once in a while, Remus would lock eyes with him, and James knew he knew. 

How couldn’t he have known? 

James was just about to lock up for them to start when a very old Lord Arcturus Black swept in through the front door. He walked right past James, bumping him and aggravating the tickle in his throat as James tried to catch his balance, and the old man headed straight for Sirius. James watched with wide eyes as the two immediately began to argue in hushed tones, and Sirius pulled him into his bedroom to continue the argument behind the privacy of a door and a silencing charm. 

It felt like the whole room held their breath the entire five minutes the two were in there, nervous glances being thrown all around. 

A hush fell as Lord Black exited the room as quickly as he came in the home, not sparing anyone a single glance, and slamming the door behind him with an angry thud! 

Remus just went in the room after Sirius. And James had no idea what to do other than to grab Pete and follow behind, and that was exactly what he did, closing the door behind them.

“The fuck was that, Pads?” James asked as Remus sat down next to Sirius on the bed. 

“The crackpot old bastard is passing me the Lordship.” Sirius’ head was buried in his hands, and James took a deep breath in. 

“Regulus hasn’t even been gone two weeks,” Remus growled, fists clenched. 

“The Dynasty has never really given much of a shit about his feelings before though, has it? If anything, I’m kinda surprised the old fart didn’t show up sooner,” Peter whispered. James hated how he automatically knew he agreed with it. 

“Arcturus has always been a bloody drama queen, of course he waited until the moment with the most impact. He’s an asshole, Pads. I’m so sorry,” James told him, putting a hand on Sirius’ right shoulder. 

Peter mirrored him, placing his hand on Sirius’ left shoulder. “Want me to give him the plague?” They’d been making jokes about figuring out how to use Peter to give the House of Black the bubonic plague since they figured on their animagus forms, and it usually never failed to make Sirius laugh. 

Sirius snorted, and began to laugh violently. His shoulder shook until the laughter turned into full body sobs, and all three of them were there when he started screaming that all he wanted was his brother. 

Sirius broke there, surrounded by all the love and comfort the Marauders could provide him. It would no doubt leave him feeling empty, cold, and hollow, but James knew he needed it all out of him. It would do Sirius no good to keep it all in. 

Finally, when the wails of agony softened into soft sniffles, Sirius spoke. 

“I don’t think I can go back out there, I can’t talk to them all. Not like this,” he whispered. James understood immediately. 

“Do you want me to?” James asked, and Sirius looked at him hopeful. 

“You don’t mind saying a few words for Reggie, Prongs?” 

James just shook his head. “Nah, not at all, mate. Let’s just all get back out there, and I’ll handle the rest.”

Remus and Peter nodded, confirming the pointman for the situation had been officially changed, and they made their way out of the bedroom together. 

Remus stopped him with a hand on his arm for a second, and when James looked, Remus’ amber eyes were full of concern. James tried not to squirm under his gaze. 

“You gonna be okay to do this, Prongs?” 

James took in a deep breath, and let out a sigh. “I have to be.” 

Remus nodded before going to join Sirius and Peter on the couch. James made his way next to the picture they’d had printed of Regulus, doing his best not to actually look at it until he got up there. 

(He failed.)

”Er, hi everyone. You may or may not know me, but my name is James Potter, and I’m a friend of the family. Or at least, that’s the best thing I know how to call it. And today, we’re here to honor and remember Regulus Arcturus Black.”

It all started, as most things with James Potter do, with a dream. 

(It actually started when Sirius came home from his first year full of stories about James, but Regulus felt like it was close enough. He was in love with Sirius’ best friend before he ever laid eyes on James.) 

The year with Sirius away at Hogwarts had been intense, a lot of things had changed and he wasn’t sure how to navigate either of them through it. Their parents had started preparing Regulus by teaching him everything necessary for the Lordship ‘if anything were to ever happen to Sirius’. He may have been young, but he knew what that meant. 

Sirius would not stay. And Regulus would have to, because no one would be left. 

He would not be allowed to fail where Sirius had. He was to be in Slytherin, find a wife, produce heirs. That much had been beaten into him clearly. But when August 31st rolled around, he climbed into Sirius’ bed for the first time in years, crying hard from worry. 

I don’t want to lose you, Siri. Promise me you won’t go.

Reggie, I’d never leave you here like that. You’re not hers, Reg, you’re mine. And I’ll do whatever I can to make sure we both make it out of here. 

The sweet venom of the lie was a slow acting poison, and by the time anyone knew, it would be too late. 

”We’re here to talk about Regulus, and that’s hard to do. Regulus Black was a lot of things, many of them conflicting, to so many people. He was a little brother, a son, a nephew, an heir, a captain, a friend, a prefect, head boy, recipient of all twelve OWLs, and all around a brilliant bloke. One of the smartest I’ve ever met.”

Narcissa found him one morning during his first month, on the floor of his dorm room, coughing so hard he didn’t think his chest would ever work correctly again. It was his luck to get sick the first semester of his first year, and Regulus burned at the injustice of it. They were all expecting him to fit in seamlessly, getting sick did not fit into that equation. 

Regardless, Narcissa helped him up and to breakfast, where Regulus sat at the Slytherin table and stared across the hall. The Gryffindors were in good spirits, as usual, and his brother was smiling at James bigger than Regulus had even seen before. 

He tried to ignore the tug of jealousy in his gut, but he couldn’t. Sirius got everything, the heir title and the freedom and the friends—

Regulus coughed, and he could feel a tickle deep within his chest. He knew if he just gave one last cough, he could breathe again. 

Until he did, pulling his hand away from his mouth to reveal a single, yellow petal spotted with blood. 

Narcissa’s eyes went wide with fear, and she looked ready to cry as she studied him silently. 

Regulus felt like he should have panicked, but he instead flicked the petal to the floor and went to drink an entire goblet of pumpkin juice. It eased the burn just enough to talk, and he looked at his cousin pointedly. The Head Girl looked ready to break, and he couldn’t let that happen. 

"Not. A. Word.” Regulus warned her as placed his goblet back on the Slytherin table, and Narcissa still looked horrified, but she gave him a firm nod. 

His eyes went back to where James sat with his brother across the hall, watching as they bewitched paper airplanes to fly at each other. He knew. Regulus knew his days were numbered, but he sat there and chose to accept it. He didn’t understand why Sirius got to be happy and he didn’t, but there were more and more things he didn’t understand these days. 

He just hoped than when Sirius did make it out, even if he didn’t keep his promise, he was happy enough for both of them. 

”Regulus was complicated, and he always had been. I remember the first time I saw him, Sirius was introducing us, and my heart hurt. This was a boy, as far as I knew, who needed just as much love as his brother, but was not half as willing to ask or accept it if offered. Regulus preferred the safe way, the smart way, always saying the path of least resistance was the path that got the least people hurt. I admired him for that.” 

Barty fucking Crouch Jr. 

He should have known better, really. He never expected it to be Barty, of all people, to find him out. He’d done so well hiding it since first year, and now that plan was dead in the water. He should have known better - afterall, it was Barty who figured out about his brother's pet werewolf.

Regulus refused to look at where Barty stood across from him, glaring. 

“So you’re not going to tell me who it is?” Barty’s tone was uncharacteristically cold, his normal goofiness gone with the wind. 

Regulus flinched. 

“For the last time, Junior, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Barty gave him no other words, just an angry glare before turning heel and marching out of the Room of Hidden Things. 

Regulus knew in that moment he was fucked. He'd been found out, and had maybe an hour before Barty returned with Evan, Pandora, and Dorcas. Barty would tell them everything before they got here, and they’d lecture him, they’d ——

They’d think he was weak. Not worth having around anymore. Pathetic. 

After all, who falls in love so hard at eleven that it kills them? He’d only recently found the name for it, in an eastern book about magical diseases that could affect non-magic persons. 

Hanahaki Disease. 

Doing research beyond learning the name had been difficult, almost impossible, and he owed Marlie the Ravenclaw twenty galleons for helping him translate it, but it was done now, and at least he had that. He even had it with him, tucked away in his green bag. But even though the information brought him no comfort, just like it would hold no comfort for his friends, it was information regardless. 

He wouldn’t tell Evan, Barty, Dorcas or Dora who it was. They’d want him to get the surgery, to remove the memories from him entirely. And he couldn’t let that happen. Even the newly formed vines twisting in his lungs seemed to protest the idea of leaving their home. 

“Don’t worry, sunshine,” he said to no one in particular but the growth in his chest. He could feel the vines moving the flowers, tickling him, but he laid his palm over his heart and they calmed. “Loving him, even from far away, is good enough for me. You’re not going anywhere.”

”Regulus didn’t just grow up as he went through his years at Hogwarts, but he did a lot of that too. He grew smarter, grew to be more cunning, grew to be the brilliant mastermind we all loved him as. He always knew just how to move the chess pieces across the board without anyone knowing what his plan was — he handed my ass to me that way a few times, actually.”

Regulus just wanted to say that if he wasn’t Hitler in his last life, then he sure as shit didn’t deserve this. 

This being the cruelty and unfairness of James fucking Potter barging into the Room of Hidden Things while he and Remus laid on the bed, naked and smoking a cigarette together. 

James looked irate, and Regulus just wanted to laugh. All the years of wanting James’ attention, and he just had to sleep with Remus to do it. The former marauder in the bed with him looked decently ashamed as James started up on his lecture, but Regulus sat back and took another drag, before smiling at James like the cat who caught the mouse. 

“James,” Regulus said with a raised eyebrow, stopping the older boy mid sentence. His rant about Remus and Sirius just needing to talk was lost with the wind as their eyes met. 

“You know you’re not mad at Remus. He has every right to be mad at Sirius. So, what are you really mad about here? Us shagging, or the fact that you weren’t here to join?” 

James’ face grew red as he sputtered, enraged. But Regulus pushed his line back further. 

“Actually, you know what I think it is? You’re so hopeless trying to have Evans jump your bones that you’re just jealous. Maybe you should just get your prick wet and move on, gorgeous. Your face is much too pretty to look like that,” Regulus snarked, making a grand sweeping motion over James’ body. 

James, coming back to his head finally and out of the rage fest, turned his cold stare to Remus. 

“Get dressed and get out. You and I will talk when I get back to the common room, Moons, because this shit is bollocks and I’m not dealing with it anymore.” His gaze moved back to Regulus. “You, get dressed. Just enough to be bloody decent, you menace. I’m not talking to you naked.” 

Ah, so he didn’t even deserve a name anymore. Just ‘you’.  He wasn’t necessarily surprised, but he could feel the vines wrap around the branches in his lungs. They were pissed that James, the whole reason for their existence, was mad at him. Because of course they were. Regulus couldn’t catch a break. 

Not surprising that the murder plants want to murder me, he thought to himself. Moving on. 

Regulus coughed a few times while putting on his pants, and Remus slunked out without a word, or even looking back. Remus obviously didn’t look forward to the wrath of James like he did. 

His loss. 

When James turned back around to face him, the rage was coming off him in waves. And Regulus, ever the idiot, poked the bear. 

“So do you not want to shag? Because you kicking Remus out and then telling me to get dressed is mixed signals, Potter.” 

“Regulus,”  James’ voice was cold and stern, and it only made Regulus smile as he lit another cigarette. 

“Oh come on, Potter. Tell me that you wouldn’t shag Lupin if given even half the opportunity.”

“No, I wouldn’t, for the sole fact of my best friend, your brother, is in love with him. But you knew that already, didn’t you?” James must have found what he was looking for in Regulus’ expression, because he nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

“Don’t go acting like I owe anyone anything, James. Sirius fucked up, and Remus kissed me. If Remus didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t have been. Maybe you should learn the same lesson and leave.” 

Regulus could feel the vines growing tighter as they wrapped around any surface of king they could. It hurt , enough that the hot tears flashed in his eyes, but he did not let them fall. 

Now was not the time for weakness. He didn’t want James to go, he never did, but he wasn’t sure how long he could be defiant when James looked at him like that. 

“Do you even love him?” James asked quietly, and for a moment, Regulus let the silence after the question hang before sighing. 

“Sirius? Yes, but in the way that I could throw him off a cliff today for stealing my shoes, and in the way that I would kill someone for breathing wrong in his direction. It. Is. Complicated. As for Remus? I’m not the one who told Severus about his illegally unregistered werewolf best friend and hopeless crush. Don’t compare my affections to the person who almost turned him into a murderer. Remus would have spent his entire life in Azkaban without a trial or chance of freedom if he had killed Severus.”

James looked at him, and Regulus added one last thing as he got up and started making his way toward the door. 

“People like me don’t deserve to be in love, James, and the Ancients have made that very clear to me. The person I am in love with will never love me back, and I know that. I’ve accepted that I’m unloveable, only a body to fill a role when people need it. But when will you accept that we are all pawns in this game?” 

Regulus turned back to face James, their eyes meeting at once. 

“That’s the thing about loving someone, Jamie. I love him enough that I will never tell him, never bring him into the mess my life is. Because I know the damage it would cause, and I could never forgive myself. He’s too good. He’s everything, the whole sun wrapped up into one person, and if my little corner of darkness only gets to see his light for a little while longer, then that is good enough for me.”

He finally let the tears fall once he was out the door, not letting himself look back. 

“He always kept his heart so guarded, because if anyone knew just how much he wore it on his sleeve, it would have been seen as weakness. And Regulus never was one for weakness.”

“Dora, do you know what the hell is going on with Regulus?” Evan asked as he plopped down at her table in the library. Pandora rolled her eyes at her twin, never looking up from the text she was studying. 

“Other than the, at my best guess, sunflowers making their home in his lungs, little brother?” 

“You were born a minute before I was, you’ve gotta stop calling me little brother.”

Pandora smirked in a way that was entirely Ravenclaw learned, rubbing his face in the fact she had information he didn’t. “No, I don’t. Now, what’s going on with Regulus?” 

“He keeps writing letters, Dora. But he never sends them. He keeps them all in this little wooden box and it’s warded with blood magic so I can’t even break in to snoop.” 

“Ah, yes, break into Regulus’ private things. That’s sure to win you some favor.” 

“Hey, if I have to break his trust to help him, that’s a price I’m willing for him to pay.” 

Pandora sighed. No way all boys were this stupid. 

“Evan, you incompetent flobberworm. Regulus has Hanahaki. He is dying because he is in love with someone who does not love him back. And now, he is up late writing private letters that he never sends and are more protected than most of Hogwarts. What do you think he is doing?” 

“He’s writing to the girl.” 

“I mean, I guarantee you it is a bloke, Evan, but yes.” Evans eyes went wide, but he nodded in understanding. 

“Do you think he’ll ever send them?”

Pandora got this sad, knowing smile on her face and shook her head. Her eyes seemed far off, and Evan wanted to curse her. He never knew when she was using the sight or not. 

“No,” she whispered, her gaze flickering to the corner table where Regulus sat alone. “No, I don’t think he will.” 

“Regulus was the kind to sneak under the radar unless he had to, and that was how he preferred it. He never wanted anyone’s unnecessary attention, never wanted the glory or gusto. He just wanted the ones he cared about to know he did, in his own way. He may not have been a man of many words, but he always spoke with his actions.”

When Regulus woke up, opening his eyes to the too-bright hospital wing, he wished he had died when he fell off his broom. 

The quidditch game had been awful. He could barely see his hands, let alone the snitch, it had been raining so hard, and a bludger hitting him in the gut sent him coughing, falling off his broom and toward the ground faster than he could react. 

He knew it had gotten worse, especially since Sirius left over the summer, but not that it had gotten this bad. 

Which was probably why his four friends were crowded around his bed in the hospital wing, arguing in hushed tones. 

Before he could say anything to any of them, he could feel the ever-present tickle in his throat expand into pain, and Regulus was retching over the side of the bed, spewing yellow petals and red blood all over the white tiles on the floor. 

He could hear their panic, hear their confusion and fear and pain as they scrambled around to help him. But he didn’t understand — he was beyond saving, he was dying, why would they? 

“Regulus,” he could hear Pandora sobbed as she pushed the sweat stuck curls from his face. “Regulus, please. I can’t watch you die like this. You’re my best friend.” 

He never got to answer her, never gave her any words of comfort or love. The only thing that came from his mouth was a whole, premature sunflower, and Regulus could feel hands pulling him under the black waters of unconsciousness before anything else registered. 

“In fact, if he could focus on your problems so he never had to look at his at all, I think he would’ve been fine with that.” 

Returning to Hogwarts for his sixth year had not been the warm, welcoming feeling Regulus had grown accustomed to in the years previous. 

He was returning Quidditch Captain, Prefect, Prince of Slytherin High Court, and he did not feel any kind of good about it. 

The flowers were getting bigger by the month, the once small sunflower blooms having to force their way out of his throat painfully. Regulus had to make himself puke on the train ride in just to be able to breathe.  

Sirius had tried, and kept trying, to talk to him, but Regulus just continued to push him away. Sirius had left the House of Black the summer before Regulus’ fifth year, never looking back. He had no reason to look back at what he left behind now. Regulus didn’t want him looking anyway. 

Bella had been bringing the Dark Lord over from Lestrange Manor frequently over the summer, and the dark wizard had taken a liking to Regulus, Evan and Barty. Regulus and Evan both didn’t trust him, but the look of admiration in Barty’s eyes meant they continued to tolerate his presence. 

It wasn’t even a surprise. Barty had long since sought out a mentor for Dark Magic, claiming his father was the biggest hypocrite about it and he had to learn from someone who “wasn’t trying to ban it for everyone but themselves”. 

Regulus knew then it was only a matter of time before Barty took the brand. After Barty took it, it was inevitable that Regulus and Evan took them too. 

After all, he couldn’t leave his favorite psychopath in the hands of a madman. Someone had to protect them, him and Evan and Pandora and Dorcas, and Regulus was dying anyway. 

It was a sacrifice he was willing to make. 

He just had to make sure Sirius and James didn’t know. 

“I don’t think he ever did anything for himself. He refused to be selfish, no matter how much anyone argued with him. But he’d deny anything if you ever mentioned it. He didn’t want the recognition, just wanted to do his good deeds in secret, and I respected him a lot for that. He never realized just how many people he helped along the way.”

Regulus hated that his secrets didn’t stay secret for long. 

It wasn’t even his fault. Barty had come back from winter holidays showing off the Dark Mark like it was a cool new toy, and it sent Sirius and James straight to him. 

Regulus added killing Junior to his to-do list for the night as two of the four marauders cornered him in the Astronomy tower while he made his rounds. 

Regulus certainly hadn’t been expecting them to appear out of nowhere, but he was grateful that James managed to pull Sirius off of strangling him before a coughing fit could start. 

Regulus slumped against the wall of the Astronomy tower, rubbing his throat with one hand and carefully covering small coughs with the other. He ignored James, choosing to throw all of his venom at his brother. 

“I know Uncle Alphard taught you better manners than that,” Regulus snapped at him. 

“I know I taught you better than this! The Dark Mark! Really, Regulus, what were you thinking?!” Sirius had a crazed look in his eyes, and Regulus forced himself to meet it. He wouldn’t look away, wouldn’t submit, wouldn’t surrender. 

Things far too important we’re on the line. 

“You lost any claim on lecturing me when you left me there, Sirius,” Regulus quipped, eyes finding the only door out of the tower as he plotted his eventual escape. 

James stepped in front of it, probably anticipating his escape plan. Bastard. 

“You could have left, Regulus! You could have—“ 

“I could have what, Sirius? Run away in the dead of night from my abusive parents, but leave my brother behind to suffer all of his abuse, and the abuse you were meant to go through on top of it. Don’t you dare lecture me, Sirius! You don’t know half of what I’ve gone through since you left me there.”

Doors slamming, curses flying, the smell of the tapestry burning, Uncle Alphard’s body hitting the ground while Bella cheered and Regulus looked at the wand in his hand——

Regulus could feel the memories creeping up, and he slammed them behind another layer of occlumency shielding. Sirius didn’t need to know. He never needed to know.

“Regulus, come on, don’t—“ 

“Sirius, I’m only going to tell you this once, because I used to consider you my brother. Stay away from me.”

Sirius recoiled like he was slap, and with a sad look, James stepped away from the door. Regulus started to walk away, almost over the threshold when he heard his brother whisper. 

“Regulus… Reggie, please. I just want to help.” 

“Regulus. Regulus, please. It’s alright. I know you just want to help your friends. If you have to kill me, I’d rather die at your hands anyway. I am so proud of you, pup. Let me help.” 

The anger flooded through him, and Regulus turned, raising his shirt sleeve without even thinking. Both pairs of eyes fell to the snake and skull tattooed on his forearm, and he could see the tears forming in both their eyes. Sirius looked horrified, and James almost looked heartbroken. 

“You can’t help me. You can’t save me. No one can save me.” 

Regulus turned and walked out before he could hear anything else they had to say. 

That was the last time the Marauders tried. 

The sunflowers only got bigger after then. 

“Regulus never believed how much he meant to anyone, especially the ones who loved him the most. He treated knowing him like a burden, but everyone around him considered it a blessing. A Life with Regulus was so much better than a life without one could have ever been.”

“Regulus!” 

The Slytherin Prefect was ready to pull his hair out, raging about how people couldn’t leave him alone while he patrolled before the leaving feast. But he took a breath and turned to face whatever idiot decided that they needed him and not literally anyone else. 

Turns out, the idiot was James Potter. 

Regulus couldn’t even say he was surprised. 

“Yes, Potter, what can I do for you?” He asked the about-to-graduate seventh year, and the taller one beamed at him. The vines in his lungs wiggled, preening from the attention of the person that was the reason they were in his lungs in the first place. Regulus could feel the petals tickling him internally. 

Assholes. 

“I just, er,” James started, but stopping to hide a cough in his elbow before he moved to rubbing his neck. He didn’t meet Regulus’ eyes, but was turned away almost bashfully. James cleared his throat and tried again with more confidence. 

“I know that you and Pads aren’t talking anymore, which is fine, I’m not here to try and make you start again. But he starts Auror training next week, I think he and Remus got a flat in London. And I know that if you were to ever leave your parents, you’d probably want to get as far away from London as possible. I know I would—“ 

“Potter.”

“Right. Anyway! This is for you,” James said with a smile, handing him a piece of paper. “This is my parents home, and you’re always welcome, even if I’m not there. You can even bring your crazy little boyfriends too, if you want. I just… I couldn’t leave here not at least giving it a try. I’ll leave you be now, but the offer is always open. Good luck, Reggie.” 

James gave him one last wistful smile before heading into the Great Hall, and Regulus wanted to pull his hair out. Fucking James Potter, white knight extraordinaire. It was like he didn’t know what he was doing. 

Regulus cut off that train of thought quickly, because James didn’t know. Regulus had never told him, and he never would. 

It was kinder to die being suffocated by flowers than to pull his heart out of his chest and give it to James Potter on a silver platter, only to face rejection. 

Regulus just gave up, making his way into the Hall and to the Slytherin table, where Barty and Evan were grinning at him. 

That’s not good. 

“What have you two idiots done?” 

“Well, Regulus, you beautiful kitten,” Barty started with a smirk, but Evan cut him off quickly. 

“We,” Evan said, shooting a pointed glare at Barty. “Have written to your mother, and she was more than willing to allow us to stay with you this summer. You’re going to need help making sure she doesn’t find out, which is where I come in, and Barty is going to make sure he doesn’t find out. You’re welcome.” 

Regulus gaped at them, genuinely surprised. 

The two younger Slytherins just started to fill their plates with the last meal at Hogwarts until the fall. 

His eyes went to James before he could stop himself. Over at the Gryffindor table, smiling and celebrating with Lily and the other Marauders. Regulus looked away as Lily leaned in to kiss James, willing the petals itching his throat to stay down. 

The vines in his lungs tightened in response to his protesting, reminding him who was in charge here. 

Regulus just thanked his friends before forcing himself to drink his pumpkin juice, washing the petals down with it. 

It was kinder this way. He never deserved James anyway. 

“In fact, my life with Regulus is so much more than it ever could have been without him. I… I miss him a lot already.”

No one was surprised when Dorcas decided she didn’t want to be around them anymore. She took one look at the Mark and told them she wouldn’t watch them get themselves killed for a cause none of them were truly loyal to. The three of them had all written to her over the course of the summer, trying to explain or convince her to at least hear them out. 

The only response they received was a letter from Marlene, and Poppy was not thrilled when they all showed up to the hospital wing, cursed within an inch of their life after opening the letter and it tried to set them on fire. 

All three of them just told her they probably deserved it, and took their potions without complaint. 

It didn’t look great that they were excused from the full day of classes on the first day, but they just made their way to the Room of Hidden Things. When they made it to the hallway on the seventh floor, Regulus was the one to ask for the room. 

We need a place safe from everyone to talk about soul magic, and all the resources possible would be great, thanks. 

The Room had transformed itself into a library of sorts, with four tall bookcases brightly colored — red, green, yellow, and blue — as the focal point. Each of the boys grabbed a spot on the sofa nearest to the fire, and they began their meeting. 

There were many things they’d learned over the course of the summer at the Death Eater meetings. Barty was transfixed with learning more blood magic, and he brought a whole stack of books in his expanded bag to teach them what he was learning. Evan had been working on more healing magic for when they hit the front lines, and was more worried about strategy for staying alive. Regulus listened to them both before it was his turn, and the time to reveal his biggest fear to his two best friends. 

“There’s something wrong about it all. He keeps talking about immortality and securing the Gaunt line, but we know he doesn’t carry the Gaunt name. And any Gaunt of required blood would have been announced in the paper and to Lord Arcturus directly, because the Gaunts were the last family to run the Dynasty. He keeps talking about soul magic, like he thinks whatever he’s hiding is funny, and this stupid hunt for the Hallows is useless. We have to be missing something,” Regulus raged, and Barty gave him a pointed look. 

“I think he’s splitting his soul,” Evan whispered, and both of the other pairs of eyes grew horrified. Regulus could feel the tickle in his lungs, even the flowers were horrified at the implication. 

Of course. 

“How many times?!” Barty looked a weird mix of concerned and appalled. Evan laid out the math for them. 

“Well, if he can only split it equally, then we would have no way of knowing. We’ve only know him as this, but he could have been more before, and we would never know. It’s got to be Dark Magic, it has to.” Barty was the first to comment, and Regulus could practically hear him scraping a plan to investigate together. 

“This stays between us until we know more. Promise me,” Regulus asked with a worried look. They both nodded at him. 

“Don’t worry, little king,” Barty said with a smile. 

“We’re not putting anyone at risk if we don't have to. First step is learning more anyway.” Evan told him, and though his smile was smaller, there was comfort in it. He wanted to keep Pandora out of it all as much as Regulus did. 

“I wish there were a better way to honor him, because he deserves it. But words aren’t enough. How do you put into words the kind of man Regulus was? I could tell you every beautiful detail of how he looked, tell you the things he was most proud of, and tell you stories about the kind of man he wanted to keep trying to become. But it wouldn’t be enough. I could never truly begin to tell the world what it has lost, his impact was too great.” 

An owl tapping on her window at seven was the last thing Pandora Rosier expected to wake up to, but she knew her twin cared little for things like decency of timing. Evan was the only one who would send her letters still regularly. There were always messages from Barty included, and usually a stupid photo of the two of them, sometime with Regulus, who looked worse in every one. 

She got up and welcomed the owl in, groggily going to grab treats after placing the letter down on the table. It wasn’t until she came back that she realized what was wrong. 

The eagle owl in front of her was Celosia, not Belladonna, which meant the letter was from Regulus. 

The thought unnerved her, but the newly of age witch just summoned all her courage before she opened the letter and began to read. 

Dora, 

Hello, birdbrain. Don’t hate me for this, but you were the only one I could force myself to send this to. 

I’m gone, Pandora, and they’ll need you more than ever. Take care of Barty and Evan for me. Please help them reconnect with Dorcas, Barty has been missing his platonic other half. 

I love you all, and I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. You deserved so much better than me. 

R.A.B. 

P.S. Don’t look. I hope you don’t find my body where it will end up, it would be kinder to never know. I did what had to be done. 

Pandora was apparating to Knockturn Alley and banging on her twin’s door in seconds, the letter still clutched tightly in her hand. Barty answered the door, going from elated to see her to confused as to why she was crying like that, and she handed him the letter before rushing to Evan. 

The small comfort of Evan’s embrace became suffocating as Barty read the letter aloud, and she could hear Evan’s soft whisper of no , but everything else faded into pain. 

Regulus was gone, and the world would never be right again.

“In fact, I don’t think anything I could say would honor him enough. Regulus Arcturus Black was so many things, but above all, he was amazing. Full stop. He didn’t need to prove it, because he just was. Regulus is the kind of star you spend your life grateful for only having seen a glimpse of. He was beautiful, smart, funny. He could freeze or overheat a room with just a look. He knew how everyone took their tea or coffee, he never forgot a birthday, and he never gave up on the people he cared about. So I urge you to toast with me, to Regulus, for the impact he made on all our lives. He will be more missed than he ever would have believed.” 

Even in facing death, somehow, Regulus could not escape James fucking Potter. 

The image of James had watched silently as Kreacher forced the potion into him and Regulus sobbed, begging for the elf to just kill him. His body was on fire, and he was so thirsty, but he couldn’t take it anymore. 

When Regulus sent Kreacher away with the locket, the old elf was in tears when Regulus said his final goodbye. 

It was kinder this way. Kreacher had been through enough in his long life, he didn’t need to see Regulus die too. 

“Why,” the shadow of James asked from the shoreline of the small island, “did you send him away with the locket? He could have gotten you out.” 

Regulus laughed, and the sunflowers in his lungs that saw it as a challenge, began to flutter inside him, the vines pulling his lungs in tight. 

The coughing fit felt like it lasted eons as he curled on the ground and felt the pain everywhere. But when he could pry his tear filled eyes open, James was kneeling beside him with eyes filled of nothing but concern. 

“You should know, ‘m dying anyway,” Regulus told the shadow as he wiped the blood from his mouth. He was surrounded by red and yellow, the colors of James reflected by the sunflowers in his lungs and the blood that came with freeing them. 

The only way to be free was to suffer for it, Regulus knew that. 

“Why didn’t you get the surgery, Reg? You had the money in your personal account, I can almost guarantee it.”

Regulus looked up at him, letting all of his emotions slip free of his mask. He felt pathetic, curled in a ball, crying, poison rushing through his body driving him mad. It had to have been, it was the only way for James to be there. And Regulus even felt a little thankful for it. 

Dying wouldn’t be so bad if Jamie was here. 

“Why would I ever want to forget being in love with you?” Regulus asked in between coughs, and the shadow’s eyes grew wide and sad. 

“I never knew…” he whispered, and Regulus reached up a hand to cup his cheek. He could swear he could feel the warmth of his skin, the wet from the tears that were falling. James felt real, and there’s nothing like a deathbed confession to ease you into the next life, right? 

“I never told you. Didn’t think I could. How was I supposed to tell you I loved you before I ever met you? Sirius came home from his first year, and all his stories were of you. I loved you before I even knew what you looked like, James. How— how was I supposed to say that?” His voice cracked on the last question, and Regulus had to close his eyes. He couldn’t even see a shadow of James reject him. 

To his surprise though, Regulus could feel a warmth against his lips, and he opened his eyes to find the James-shadow kissing him. 

It was soft, gentle, full of more love than Regulus had even dreamt of for a moment— 

“No,” he whispered when James pulled back. James just nodded. 

“We’re both pretty stupid, aren’t we, Reggie? You probably never realized all those gifts over the years with no tag were from me then?” James asked with a sad smile, and he shook his head. He knew immediately what James was talking about. He’d gotten an expanded bag his first year randomly one day. He just found it in his trunk, but the dark green leather was gorgeous, emblazoned with a dragon, and Regulus couldn’t help but keep it. 

There had been something new inside that bag every week since he got it, from his first day until he graduated. Every Monday morning, something would appear. A book on animagi or the Patronus charm, information on healing spells, extra potions ingredients, chocolate.  

Oh, Merlin. They were both morons. 

“All this time, I could have— but Lily— and you? Oh, for Salazar’s sake ,” Regulus sobbed. He curled his legs into his chest, pulling them close and burying his face in his knees. 

No. No. It couldn’t be possible. 

“I’m sorry,” shadow-James told him, and Regulus could hear everything unspoken. 

I’m sorry I never told you either. I’m sorry we never got the chance. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, even when I wanted to. I’m sorry that loving me killed you. 

“Don’t be,” he told James, forcing himself to his hands and knees. His whole body shook from the effort of forcing himself toward the water. “Don’t. Don’t be sorry, Jamie, because I’m not. How could I be sorry for loving you?” 

“Regulus,” James said, trying to move closer to him. Regulus just shook his head. 

“I’m dead anyway, Jamie. I’m sorry.” 

Shadow-James watched with wide eyes and Regulus cupped his hands and dunked them into the water, and screamed when a hand emerged to pull Regulus in. 

Regulus didn’t fight the inferi, he didn’t have the strength. There were so many arms wrapping around him and squeezing that the pressure forced anything it could out of his lungs. 

Regulus Arcturus Black sank to the bottom of the inferi infested lake on July 31st, 1979, and all that was left behind of his being there was the head of a single, fully developed sunflower floating on the water. 

James raised his glass to the small group in Sirius’ flat, calling out for a toast to Regulus. 

“To Regulus!”

“To Regulus!” 

James could feel the pressure in his lungs grow painful, and he trusted the first cough would be the only. 

He shouldn’t have. The world grew blurry as the coughing wracked his body, forcing him to his knees. He could vaguely hear the sounds of people around him, but he couldn’t breathe— 

Until one Pandora Rosier came up behind him and hit him hard on the back, unlodging something he hadn’t even know was in his throat. Before he could thank her, she was screaming. 

James looked down to where her eyes fell, and saw a bright clump of red blood and purple petals. 

Wisteria. Just like the ones he brought with him. 

The bundle of sunflowers felt too bright for the winter day James bought them on, but he figured it only served him right. The shopkeep placed them next to the bundle of wisteria on the counter, and James paid quickly, wanting nothing more than to get this done. 

The flower shop wasn’t too far from the graveyard by the water, and the short walk over gave James just enough time to overanalyze his speech possibly a million times. He didn’t even know what he was freaking out over, he was talking to a stone, Regulus was dead—

But the sight of the stone engraved with the name of his lost love silenced his mind enough to get him through. James placed the sunflowers down on the top of the tombstone, and sat down to talk to Regulus. 

“Hey, Reggie,” he began, his voice already shaking. He felt so scared, so ashamed about what he had to do. But he was going to do it, and this was the hang up he had, so he needed to work through it. 

“I saw Sirius today, and he’s finally starting to look okay again. He took your death pretty hard. He doesn’t know I’m here, though I’d bet Remus does, after the talk we had.” 

James bit his lip and sighed. 

“Lily’s— Lily is pregnant, Reg. I’m gonna be a dad,” James told the tombstone, reaching up to trace the name engraved into it.   

“And I have to. I have to get the surgery, Reg. I don’t want to. Fuck, how could I want to forget loving you, even if it was only at a distance? How could I be sorry for loving you, when you were the one who I wanted to be able to love the most?” James sniffled, wiping the tears that refused to stop falling before straightening himself up a bit. 

The wisteria bundle felt like the weight of the world in his hands, and he placed it gently on the cold ground. 

“I love you, Regulus. I loved you so much, and I was too stupid to be there for you. Too powerless to save you. I can’t… I can’t let it happen again. I’m going for the surgery tomorrow, and I know it’s going to feel like I’m missing a part of myself afterwards. There are so many wisteria flowers in my lungs now, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to breathe properly again. But I have a kid coming, and I have to focus on that. I need to be alive for them.”

James bit his lip until he could taste blood, but the pain didn’t register. His whole body felt numb, mostly from the cold. 

“I’ll never stop loving you. I know I won’t. I’m sure I’ll wake up in a few days and when I give Lily her coffee, it’ll be the way you like yours. I’ll probably still cry every time I see a sunflower. I know I’ll teach my kid all the constellations, and when we get to Leo, something in my heart will scream about losing you if my kid asks what I know about the star Regulus, but I won’t be able to understand. I’ll see you everywhere you’re not, never being able to picture your face, but knowing there was someone out there who loved me crazy enough to be a fool.” 

“I love you, Reg. But I have to live. This is going to be my last visit. I’m sorry,” James whispered, running his fingers along the engraving before standing one more time. 

Just before he turned to leave, he left Regulus with a parting gift. 

“Did you know wisteria means a lot of different things? I went and looked it up when I figured out what Hanahaki was. Wisteria, devotion that transcends death, and also the flower to symbolize being grateful for meeting someone. And I, James Potter, was honored to meet you. Honored to love you, even if I never could do it right.” 

With that, James turned and left the graveyard for the last time. 

Remus hated flowers, but he seemed to hate everything these days. 

He more hated how expensive flowers were, and the werewolf on the run didn’t have a lot of money to spare for them, so he had been dutifully saving up enough money to buy a single bouquet of two flowers for months in preparation. 

Every Knut he could pitch toward the cause, he did, even if it meant going hungry sometimes. 

The graveyard felt too warm and welcoming for what it was, but Remus ignored every bad feeling in his gut and pushed forward. This was the least he could do. 

The familiar tombstone stood just as sturdy as when it had been placed in 1979, and the empty grave beneath it was as good a place as any to keep the memory of Regulus. 

He placed the bundle of wisteria and sunflowers on the ground before sitting to talk. 

“Hey there, murder face. Hope you’re doing okay,” he said as he reached out to lay his palm flat against the stone. 

“It feel so weird coming here today every year. You died on Harry’s birthday, Regulus, you bastard. And Albus has him gone somewhere, Sirius is in Azkaban, Pete is dead, Lily and James are dead… And I’m all alone again.” The words came out as a whisper, and Remus could feel the tears starting. They were never hard to find on this day. 

“The last Marauder, coming to visit the grave of my boyfriend’s death eater younger brother. How bloody ironic,” he told Regulus, and he could imagine the Slytherin making fun of him for it. 

“I just— I don’t know where else to go. I don’t have anywhere, just like you didn’t. And I look back now at all the times Sirius was so mad at you, and I just feel guilty. Because you knew that none of us were going to make it out alive, in your own way. And you did your best to help everyone, to protect them, and Sirius hated you for it. Now, it’s just me left. And I can’t help but think he must have hated all of us too to do what he did. He sold them out, he got them killed — and I can’t stop loving him,” Remus let out a pained laugh. 

“That’s the worst part, too. I can’t stop loving him, and I’ve tried. He’s been gone almost four years already and I can’t stop. I see him everywhere, and I can’t forget. I can’t look away. Is that how you were with James? Desperate enough in love that even just a look or the refreshing of a memory felt like the combined force of heaven and hell itself? Like you would do anything just to know…”

Remus looked at the water off in the distance. They weren’t too far from the shore, and the blue of the waters didn’t seem entirely clear. He squinted, and felt stupid when he realized. 

Someone had planted a wisteria tree just outside the cemetery, and there were flowers in the water. 

Remus stood quickly and made his way toward the tree. There were two ribbons tied around one of the branches, one red and one green, and Remus knew. 

James had planted it before the surgery. 

Remus could feel the tears falling faster, and he looked out at the sea. 

He hoped that wherever the wisteria on the water ended up, it was a better place. James and Regulus deserved that. 

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