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He didn’t know when things had changed. When he had changed, even after all these years.
Keeping everyone at arm's length wasn’t just a precaution, but a necessity; one he’d learned about quickly and stuck to ever since. After all, it wouldn’t be long before he had to leave everyone behind again, slipping away or faking his end so that no one noticed that unlike everything around them, Xavier never changed.
So when she entered his life, it scared him. Years of drifting and now he was anchored down with feelings that sat heavy in his mind and on his chest. How long had it been since he’d last felt his heart race from something other than a battle?
He couldn’t hide it. Not when her hand rested so gently on his chest, and he caught a glimpse of those eyes, so soft and filled with mirth. He wished he could do something to hide the pink tint of his ears as he looked away and attempted to change the conversation.
As if that wasn’t enough, he found himself plagued with thoughts of her. Of her laugh, of her voice. Of the way she fought so ferociously and then grinned up at him once they’d won. How can one person be such a whirlwind of life? To be soft, and stubborn, and passionate, and curious. Emotions he felt, but not nearly as strongly as she clearly did.
Most importantly, how had she managed to consume his every thought, nearly every waking moment of his day. Granted, waking moments were few and far between for him, but didn’t that make the fact that he gave her those precious few hours even more impactful?
When he thought about it, he truly hadn’t changed at all. Keeping her, keeping everyone, at arm's length only to be drawn to her again and again, carelessly falling so deeply in-
In what?
He feared the moment he admitted it, even if just in his thoughts, the universe would punish him once more, and she would disappear like stardust on the wind. Or maybe he would be the one to disappear, leaving her alone and unprotected in this life. Again.
He must have lost his mind.
Xavier stood, taking in the scent of strawberries which had been warmed by the summer sun. Taking a bite, he was rewarded with a burst of sweetness and the memory of planting them with her…
Warm like her touch, sweet like her laugh, addictive like her presence.
He shook his head, eager to dispel the thoughts. It was dangerous, this kind of thinking. He had no need for attachments like this. He had no reason to feel unless he wanted to get hurt.
Easier said than done when the one stirring these feelings was like a star which had fallen from the sky directly into his palms. He wanted to lock himself away and give into the desire to stare forever.
Xavier began walking away when a sound hit his ears.
He froze. Living as long as he had, working the jobs he’d held made him alert. He was able to pick up on danger from across a room and his senses were always honed in. Now was no different, no matter how lost in his thoughts he was.
“Mm!”
He wasn’t mistaken, that was definitely her. He moved to the edge of his balcony and peered around, looking for the source and finding nothing. The courtyard was empty, not unusual at this time of day.
“X-Xavier!”
A choked voice so familiar he heard it in every dream. A sound that made his heart jolt in fear from its usual resting pace. Without stopping to think he’d hurtled over the side of his balcony and dropped to the level below. Her window was wide open, though he couldn’t see any danger or struggle beyond it.
It felt as though his body was being controlled by a power far outside his control. His blade sprung to his hand, forged in light and dangerously beautiful. Tempting to touch, but just a brush over its edge would leave one’s fingers dripping with red.
He rushed through the balcony’s sliding door, making the intentional decision not to simply burst through the glass only because he knew what a fuss she would make if he did. Life saver or not, she wouldn’t take kindly to the man who cost her her deposit. Understandably so.
The door was unlocked. Careless.
He clenched his jaw as anxiety and frustration welled up inside of him. Why was she always so careless? Didn’t she care about her own wellbeing? Didn’t she know what losing her would do to hi-
No, it wasn’t the time. He needed to focus. He’d already taken this long.
But when he made it to his goal, racing to the bedroom he’d grown achingly familiar with, he froze.
He wished he’d never let her approach him. Never let her get close and worm her way into his life. Never given her that stupid “tampered” plushie, or a key to his flat, or second goddamn glance.
Because the moment he stepped foot into that bedroom he knew things would never be the same again.
Xavier watched as she groaned, back arching further into the mattress where she laid face down, ass hiked up in the air.
His breath grew shallow as his senses were overwhelmed with the scene in front of him. He’d battled wanderers and honed his senses to their fullest, but now at this moment, he felt like a malfunctioning machine, unable to focus on any one thing and overwhelmed with the chaos erupting inside of him.
He watched the way her legs trembled and her hips rocked back in subtle little movements. He saw the way her body gave so easily, spread open by the silicone toy she fucked herself with desperately.
It was slick, and his eyes locked on as the wetness dripped down onto the sheets, not the first drop if the damp spot below her was any indication. He nearly groaned as he realized the smell of her arousal filled the air, and as his nostrils flared he couldn’t help but wonder how long she’d been here like this.
And fuck. The sound.
Her pleasured whines were nearly drowned out as his ears picked up on the wet sound of the toy she slid in and out of her pussy. It made his head fuzzy.
He was ready to escape, hand on the door and a plan to pretend he’d never seen this. She hadn’t noticed him yet, it could be his secret to take to his grave. That was the plan at least, until he chanced a glance at her head and noticed the fabric she wore and held to her nose, eyes closed and mouth panting softly.
The jacket he’d let her wear when they were walking home together from work. His jacket.
His.
And all of his carefully built control shattered, just like that. Maybe it wasn’t so carefully built to begin with. Or maybe she was its only flaw.
Xavier felt himself grow light headed as though all the blood in his body was rushing south. If he looked down, he’d see the way his sweatpants tented obscenely between his legs.
Meanwhile, she was so lost in her own pleasure, she hadn’t even noticed that she was no longer alone.
Maybe if she had, she would have had a modicum of shame and rushed to cover herself. As it was, she had no clue that she laid there, presenting herself lewdly for the very man who’s name was spilling from her panting lips.
The thought of him seeing her like this made her clench around the toy buried deep inside her. Her hand was cramping and her chest ached from how she pressed her weight against it. She’d been at it for nearly an hour, edging herself to the thought of her upstairs neighbor and the way he set her body alight. The scent of him filled her nose as she pressed her face to the hoodie he’d let her borrow on their recent walk home together. It made her moan, low in her throat as her movements grew momentarily rougher.
She was approaching her release rapidly, finally determined to allow herself the pleasure when suddenly a weight pressed against her back and a voice spoke low in her ear.
“So is this how you really feel about me?” Xavier’s words were nearly a growl as he settled his hands on her hips and squeezed.
She nearly jumped out of her skin, heart skipping a beat and body freezing up. Even as she registered the owner of the voice, it didn’t help. She was caught. Dildo deep in her pussy, his name on her lips; it was a scenario she’d imagined time and time again, only the reality was much more terrifying.
“Xavier! I-”
He wouldn’t buy an excuse, he wasn’t stupid. She would be a dumbass if she tried…
“This isn’t what you're thinking, I…I tripped?” she cringed the moment the words left her mouth.
Instead of anger or disgust, however, she heard a surprised laugh in her ear, breathless and sudden.
“And here I was hoping it was exactly what I was thinking. That you were touching yourself to the thought of me, while smelling my jacket and moaning my name, am I wrong? ”
She whimpered, burying her face further into the fabric as her cheeks burned in mortification. Despite the embarrassment she couldn’t stop the way his demanding words shot right to her core and made her shiver in arousal. She shook her head nearly imperceptibly.
“Tell me, use your words. Was I thinking correctly? I’ll leave if that’s not the case…you can say no and we can forget this ever happened.”
He was giving her an out, a chance to end this and stop it before it went too far. Thoughtful even at a time like this, when she was fully at his mercy.
Slowly, she lifted her head, eyes a bit glazed and breath a bit heavy from her earlier ministrations before nodding firmly.
“Yes.”
She watched over her shoulder as he closed his eyes, sighing slowly as a smile crossed his lips and his composure crumbled to ruins. He looked beautiful.
His hands slid up her torso, dipping below her loose shirt just slightly at the waist, before continuing on up the sides of her chest, over her shoulders, and down her arms. They settled at her wrists, gathering them together before holding them in a single hand and pinning them to the mattress above where her head lay, still pressed against his jacket. He drank in the way she gasped softly and tried to hide how pleased it made him feel.
“Then tell me,” he spoke softly into her ear as his other hand slid back down her back and settled between her legs, “was this enough?”
He grasped the end of the toy, still lodged deep inside her, and slid it out until just the tip was left inside. He let her soft whine wash over him and squeezed her wrists softly when her hips attempted to move back and follow the toy’s path.
“Well? Is this what you want?” he asked, his voice quiet against the shell of her ear. He nipped at it playfully.
She shook her head. He responded by silently pressing the dildo back inside the same way he’d pulled it out: torturously slow.
She groaned low and quiet with each inch that filled her.
“No? But…you seem to be enjoying it.”
She glared at his faux innocent tone knowing full well that he was teasing her once more. He repeated the motions a few times, allowing the toy to bottom out each time so he could feel her legs tremble and hear her soft needy voice. Her head shook back and forth as she worked to find her voice.
“It’s…not enough.”
“I see.”
Xavier smiled, satisfied with the admission before pulling the toy out of her completely and tossing it to the side. She huffed at the loss and he rubbed a comforting thumb across the tops of her hands. He never thought the day would come that he’d find himself jealous of an inanimate object but when it came to her, truly anything was possible.
“Xavier, please…”
He hushed her quietly as he took the chance to grind his clothed length against her ass, still hiked in the air. It pulled a shaky breath from his lips and he couldn’t stop himself from doing it again, rolling his hips against her prone form.
“Don’t worry. It’s my turn now.”
With one hand, he leaned back and yanked his sweats down clumsily, just enough for him to free himself from the loose confines. The fabric was tucked under his balls and he allowed himself a light stroke along the shaft to provide just the smallest bit of stimulation.
She craned her neck in an attempt to see a part of him she’d never had the pleasure to before and bit her lip as they made eye contact. His eyes were dark with arousal as he ground his dick against the plushness of her ass. She could feel a small trail of precum left on her skin and watched the way it beaded on his tip when he did it again.
A sudden need to taste it flared up inside of her and she felt her mouth water slightly as she imagined his flavor and weight on her tongue. She hoped he would let her sometime soon.
His soft smile betrayed how pleased he was by the entranced look she fixed his stroking hand with.
“This suits you,” he said softly, moving his hips slightly so he could slot his cock between her thighs and grind , sliding it along the length of her cunt with a groan.
“Oh fuck,” she moaned as his tip rubbed over her clit, wetness coating his skin.
She felt him throb against her and nearly collapsed from the arousal that slammed into her suddenly. Her mouth felt clumsy as she spoke and struggled to concentrate on the words she wanted to say.
“Wh-what suits me?”
Xavier pulled back before snapping his hips forward again.
“Having you underneath me like this.”
He didn’t let her respond, grinding back and forth just the smallest amount so he bumped over her clit again and again. The slide improved with each thrust as he slipped between her folds, lubricating himself using her cunt. His other hand slid up her torso, settling on her chest and lightly brushing over her nipples.
Her moan was music to his ears and he decided that this would now and forever be his new favorite song.
With a sudden cry, she jolted below him and he felt as her cunt pulsed against him. Her thighs trembled while her orgasm washed over her in strong waves, triggered by the smallest stimulation after all of the edging she’d been doing. He hadn’t even fucked her and it was the best orgasm she’d ever had.
For a moment, Xavier regretted not being able to watch the way her eyes rolled in pleasure as he continued to grind against her. But the feeling of her rocking her hips, chasing the last ripples of her climax was easily enough to make those thoughts disappear.
When she had stopped moving and laid below him, breath heavy as she did her best to catch it, he leaned forward. Her back was pressed to his chest and the fingers he held against her chest moved to cup her tit, kneading it softly in his hand.
“Was that enough for you?” he asked, attempting to keep his voice level and unaffected as though he hadn’t nearly cum the moment she had.
She nodded and glanced back at him with an expression that made him jolt. The wrecked look she fixed him with was one he wanted to commit to memory so he could see it in every one of his dreams.
“T-think you can take a little more?” he cursed at the way his voice wavered but she didn’t seem to care.
Her eyes widened and she bit her lip with a nod.
“Please, I need you. I’ve needed you for so long,” she breathed, eyes half lidded and pupils blown.
His stomach jolted and he let out a slow breath.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.”
And it’s true, she would never be able to guess the number of decades he’d spent imagining this very scenario alone in his bed.
“Should I take a guess?” he whispered as he aligned himself with her entrance and slid inside with surprising ease.
The gasps they let out were synchronized and as he bottomed out, he let go of her so he could steady himself against the bed, hands gripping onto the sheets below as he trembled and panted above. He had no time to be embarrassed over the whine that left his open mouth when just the feeling of sliding inside of her had nearly pushed him to the edge.
Her insides squeezed around him, practically sucking him in as if there were any more inches for him to spare and fill her up with. He wasn’t even considered small.
“Hah…you’re a bit greedy aren’t you? Begging for more when I’ve given you everything.”
She shook her head, brows crinkled in confusion as she struggled to respond..
“I didn’t beg…”
He smirked and stared down at her with a gaze bordering on predatory.
“You didn’t have to. Your body is far more honest than you are,” he replied before giving an experimental thrust.
Her reply was stolen from her once again when, as she began to speak, he began to fuck into her with deep, steady strokes.
“Oh fuck, Xavier-! ”
“What do you think I’m trying to do?”
“That joke was- ah! Was horrible!!”
He could only let out a single bark of a laugh before he began to fuck her in earnest, hips snapping forward as he buried himself deep in her hot, wet cunt. Each time he pulled out she squeezed down, trying to pull him right back in and it was driving him insane.
He couldn’t think of a single thing in his long, long lifetime that felt better than the way she wrapped around him, tight as a vice and just as addictive.
“I can hear how wet you are,” he panted, hands moving to grip her hips and pull her back against him with each thrust.
“Don’t point it out,” she whined, feeling mortified.
“How could I not? Every sound you make is too good to ignore.”
She groaned, half in pleasure, half in faux annoyance.
“Why is now one of the few times you decide to become talkative?”
Xavier grinned, not slowing down his pace. He pretended to ponder the question for a moment.
“Hmm, you’re right. If we’re still able to hold a conversation, then I’m not doing a good enough job, am I?”
“Wait that’s not-”
He shifted then, grabbing her arms and pulling her upright so her back met his chest once more and her weight was in his lap. The new position dropped her down onto his length seemingly even deeper than before and she sobbed briefly in pleasure.
He resumed his movements, holding one of her arms and sliding the other into the half-open zipper of his jacket that she still wore. He played with one of her tits, groping roughly and rubbing a firm thumb over her peaked nipple. With her pressed against him like this he could hear ever hitch of her breath, every moan which hid in her throat.
Even the way she smelled didn’t fail to make him lightheaded and he buried his face against her neck, inhaling her scent and pressing slow intimate kisses onto the sensitive skin there. Each tweak of her nipples and dig of his teeth into her shoulder made her clench around his cock and he couldn’t stop himself from doing it again.
The way he fucked her made her body bounce in his lap and he knew she could tell he was affected too.
The whines and growls of desperation which left his mouth were impossible to hide as he sucked another hickey onto her neck. His hips moved fiercely and the praises which left his throat resonated against hers instead.
“There we go, just like that. So good for me.”
Her mind was blank as she could focus on absolutely nothing other than the way Xavier felt right now. From his mouth on her neck to the way he filled her up even better than she’d ever imagined, he had her under his full control. She didn’t even realize neither of them had thought to pull out a condom before getting to this point.
It was impossible to move her own hips to seek out more; his grip on her was ironclad and she felt a thrill shoot through her at being at his mercy. She’d imagined sex with Xavier plenty of times yes, but she never would have known the real thing would be so much more intense. Seeing and hearing Xavier lose his composure as he lost himself in her body was bringing her closer to her climax even faster than the physical pleasure which on its own had her struggling to think.
“Touch yourself for me,” Xavier moaned in her ear and she shuddered with a nod.
Without hesitation she lowered the arm not locked in Xavier’s grip and began rubbing circles into her clit, taking a quick moment to feel the way he spread her open and slid inside.
She was still so sensitive from her previous orgasm and the added stimulation made her lashes flutter and a long drawn out moan left her lips. Xavier laughed softly into her ear. His pace increased just a touch and she wondered if he was getting close.
The way he moaned her name softly as he pressed even closer was making her dizzy. She wondered if he even knew how hot he was. He had to know, looking like that.
“Just a bit more. You can take it for me can’t you? Needy. Fucking. Girl,” each word was punctuated with a rough snap of his hips, “It’s like this cunt was made for me.”
She gasped.
“You tightened up when I said that. You like the thought of being mine?”
Her hair fluttered as she nodded her head.
“Good,” he breathed, “because I’ve always, always, been yours.”
The words were like a trigger as she jolted in his grasp cumming on his cock even more intensely than the first time. His name left her mouth like a prayer and he cursed, biting down on her shoulder as he followed in her wake.
He pulled her down until he was buried as far as he could go and rutted desperately, filling her up with pulse after pulse of cum. His teeth dug into her neck and he didn’t even notice the metallic taste of blood as his bite broke the skin.
The feeling of his warmth flooding her pussy and the mark he was leaving only made her clench down again, milking him for everything he could give and more.
He felt his vision darken around the edges as his orgasm took over his senses completely. After several long moments it cleared as the pleasure slowed leaving his body feeling high with the endorphins buzzing inside of him.
“You made a real mess of me Xav,” she panted, clenching down on him one last time knowing it would be too much.
She voiced it like a complaint and he shook his head with a smile.
“Sorry about that. Let me get you cleaned up,” he replied, pulling out of her with a groan and gently flipping her around to lay her on her back.
She smiled in gratitude before her expression shifted to one of shock as her hips were lifted from the bed and her thighs were yanked over Xavier’s shoulders. She’d never been tossed around like a doll so much in her life; Xavier’s strength must have been infuriatingly endless.
“What are you doing??”
“Cleaning up the mess I made,” he responded with a glint in his eye before he dove forward, latching his mouth onto her pussy and licking deep inside without warning.
She would never admit to the sound that left her lips as she keened, back arching off the bed.
He ate her out like a man starved, alternating between his tongue lapping between her folds to briefly flicking against her swollen clit. The overstimulation brought tears to her eyes but she didn’t dare to stop him.
He moaned as he fucked her with his tongue tasting his own cum leaking from her hole. He loved the way her pussy fluttered when he licked as deep as he could go before the limitations of human anatomy got in the way.
It didn’t take long before she was crying out, hand tugging at his hair as she came once more. He licked her clean until she was whimpering, pulling his face away by his hair.
“Okay, no more, I think I’ll lose my mind if you make me cum any more times,” she panted, face flushed and streaked with tear tracks.
Xavier grinned and lowered her hips back to the mattress. He began moving away, climbing off the bed when she grabbed his wrist.
“Where are you going? You’re not leaving are you?”
Her voice was soft, and if you knew her well enough you would notice the hint of fragility which hid under the surface. He shook his head quickly.
“No. I’m going to get something to really clean you off this time,” he said, smoothing her hair away from her forehead.
Her eyes fluttered shut at his touch and he nodded, releasing his hand. He pulled up his sweats and padded to the bathroom, already familiar with where she kept her washcloths. He selected the softest one he could find, dampening it with warm water for her. When he returned she was smiling at him sleepily with an affectionate look that made his heart start to race.
He could feel the way his ears began to burn as he ducked his head to begin wiping her skin clean. He knew it was ridiculous, blushing at her smile as though he hadn’t been moaning praise for her cunt just minutes before.
When she was clean he stood up straight, suddenly feeling all too conscious of himself and the events which had just occurred. She grabbed his wrist once more and tugged him down beside her, to his great relief. He tried not to let it show too much on his face how terrified he’d been of this being something other than what he’d hoped; of her kicking him out with a smile before going about her life like nothing had happened.
Quickly he wrapped his arm around her and tugged her close, leaning his head down so they could press their foreheads together.
“Should we…?”
She shook her head.
“We can talk about it tomorrow. You’d probably fall asleep mid conversation,” she whispered in return with a soft, teasing smile.
He couldn’t help the way he smiled at her in response. He wondered if the look on his face would reveal everything to her. Everything he’d ever felt or thought or wanted from her. He wondered if she saw the devotion glittering in his eyes when he looked at her.
“Okay.”
She continued to watch him for a few quiet moments before leaning forward, hesitant and slow, and brushing their lips together.
He pressed forward immediately, completing the kiss he’d been yearning for for so long.
He didn’t know when things had changed. Didn’t know when they had changed.
But if changing meant ending up like this, entangled in the arms of the love he’d chased across lifetimes, he’d never fear doing so again.