Archive of Our Own

"hyung! can you walk any faster?" sunoo shouts, ten feet ahead of heeseung, who's walking like he's got all the time in the world to make it to their destination. 

"i'm walking, i'm walking."

"faster!" jake grumbles in english, running back to heeseung and pushing him forward despite the older's complaints. 

by the time him and jake catch up to the rest of the crew, they're all scrambling at the front doors of the ice rink, rummaging through each other's wallets for a student id. heeseung sighs, pulling out his own wallet, and weaves through limbs and heads to swipe his id across the reader by the door. once the door clicks open, he watches his friends push through, and jake grabs his arm, tugging him into the building. heeseung's never stepped foot in the ice rink, in the four years that he's been at this campus. he's never really seen the need for one, anyway. it seemed kind of prestigious, in his opinion, though jay had made it very clear that they've had a hockey team 'since, uh, forever, have you been living under a rock, hyung?' and yes, maybe heeseung has been living under a rock, but he's never really been into hockey anyway. 

heeseung wouldn't consider himself a nerd, but he's not a jock either. not like jake (bless his heart). jake loves sports, but he's not snooty about it or annoying, he just plays for the adrenaline rush. the jocks don't seem him as one of their own, but he's definitely the most athletic in their friend group. heeseung, on the other hand, is more of an at-home, computer screen game player, and personally, he likes to hold his league of legends score over jake's head. he's a homebody. he prefers a good round of mario kart, though he is pretty good at basketball if there's ever a chance to play. unfortunately, jake is too short and jay sucks despite his claims to be better than heeseung ever will be. jungwon isn't a basketball guy either, and forget about sunoo. niki. . . niki is a wild card. sometimes, he'll get too into their games that heeseung ends up covered in bruises, and other times, he's so sluggish that heeseung doesn't even feel like playing. 

"hyung! let's go!" sunoo shouts at him again, the smile on his face covering up the obvious annoyance he's feeling. jay and jungwon are already in the bleachers, having found a good spot in the front row. jake is stumbling over the metal seats, cursing each time his shoe gets caught. sunoo is pulling him along now, and heeseung stumbles up the stairs to join the rest of their friends. 

"soo. . . why are we here again?"

"park sunghoon!" jungwon hisses. 

"who?"

"park sunghoon!" they all shout at him, eyes wide with excitement and their legs bouncing from too much anticipation. heeseung finds himself sandwiched between jake and sunoo, both of whom are starting to make him nervous.

the rink is empty, save for two hockey nets on either side of the ice. the scoreboard is turned off, and the lights are so bright, heeseung thinks he might go home with a migraine. his mouth feels dry all of a sudden, and he stands up, receiving questioning looks from both jake and sunoo. 

"i'm just getting water, i'm not running away."

he steps over jake and walks down to the water fountains by the concession stands. he takes his time, though he ends up gulping down water like a dehydrated dog instead. when he stands up, water runs down his chin and he wipes it away quickly, straightening out his back before walking back out to the bleachers. he spots a boy sitting on one of the benches, tightening the skates on his feet, and his body freezes up. the silence in the air, however, is quickly cut by the slam of a door and the sound of hockey sticks knocking against the floor. a group of guys in hockey gear push past heeseung as the boy gets up from the bench and makes his way over to the gate for the rink.

"hey! princess! don't step on the ice!"

heeseung steps back to let the guys through, watching as the boy in skates looks over his shoulder unbothered, and with a shrug, steps onto the ice, swinging the gate shut behind him.

"hey! the rink is closed for hockey practice! get off!"

"don't make us take you off by force!"

"don't you look at the schedule? you had all day to use the rink!"

"come on, princess! get off nicely and maybe we'll let you use it next time!"

one after another, the hockey team hollers at the poor boy, who remains composed and skates in circles around the rink. heeseung approaches the walls of the rink, leaning against the dasher board. one of the players eyes him up and down before turning back to the skater, and their hollering turns into profanities. the sound of cut ice grabs heeseung's attention and he turns to watch the boy stand by the gate. he looks bored now, running his fingers through his hair. 

"can you get off?"

one of the guys puts his hockey stick down and opens the gate with enough force to break it off the hinges. heeseung's heart is racing, and he finds himself standing on the step between the rink and the solid ground, pushing the hockey player back. 

"knock it off."

with a scoff, the player sizes him up, and heeseung shudders. definitely from how cold the rink is. they're both about the same height, but the player's gear and his build make him look twice as big as heeseung, and he runs a ton of options through his mind, trying to decide on where to go from here. he could get pummeled, or he could get out of this safely. 

"i'm going, i'm going."

the skater pushes past heeseung, stepping off the ice and pushing through the hockey team without much care. he sits back down on the bench, untying the laces of his skates with a scowl on his face. the hockey team shoves past heeseung, nearly knocking him over, though he manages to catch himself in time, walking over to the benches. he leans against the dasher board again, hands between his thighs as he watches the boy take his skates off and put the blade covers on. 

"you okay?"

"i didn't need your help."

"what?"

"i said, i didn't need your help. i was just riling them up. i already used the rink earlier today. just wanted to test it out again."

"oh."

heeseung falls silent, mesmerized by the skater, who was now putting his shoes on. he takes a moment to really take a look at him. the skater is absolutely gorgeous. dark hair and black, full brows compliment his pale skin, and the scattered moles fit so perfectly in their designated spots. his lips, pink and full, hold somewhat of a natural pout, and when he stands, heeseung's eyes travel unapologetically. his legs are long, and he's just a bit shorter than heeseung, but his waist is small, enough that it shows and heeseung can't take his eyes off him. not until he realizes the other is way too close to him, and he has nowhere to go, so he stands there, eyes flying up to meet the other's. 

"can i help you?"

"n-no. sorry. i was just admiring your skates. have you been skating long?"

he scoffs, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "something like that."

the standoffish attitude usually has heeseung reeling and turning his nose in disgust, but right now, he's finding it hard to even look away from the boy in front of him. he has half a mind to tell this boy that he's the most gorgeous being he's ever seen, but instead, he's extending his arm out and introducing himself like he's at some business conference. 

"lee heeseung. i've never seen you on campus. did you transfer?"

the boy looks at his hand, and slowly reaches out to shake it. "you could say that." he hums, letting go of heeseung's hand and turning to grab his bag. heeseung waits for an introduction, but never gets one. he opens his mouth to speak, to stop the other, but his voice fails him, and he stands there like an awkward cardboard cutout, watching the boy wave him off before walking out of the rink. heeseung feels like a statue, frozen solid until multiple bodies crash into him and there's a mouth screaming into his ear. 

"park sunghoon! park sunghoon! you spoke to the park sunghoon, hyung!" 

it takes heeseung a minute to identify the voice, finally narrowing it down to sunoo, who's now jumping up and down with jungwon to the side as jake nudges him rather aggressively. 

"what the heck, man? do you know who you just spoke to?"

"uh. . . no, not really. he didn't exactly give me his name."

"that was park sunghoon! the guy we've been telling you about? i cannot believe you spoke to him like that. i can't believe you even did that?"

"did what?"

jay wraps an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into his side. "you got all up in that hockey asshole's face. i didn't know you had it in you."

"it was a spur of the moment."

jay rolls his eyes, letting heeseung go as jake tugs on his sleeve. "how is he? is he even prettier in person? what does he sound like? what did he say to you?"

"uhhh. . . i mean, he sounds like every other guy. he didn't say much. he seems kind of arrogant if you ask me."

"well, hyung, i would be arrogant too if i won that many medals. he's so perfect, you have to watch his videos. i'll play them for you when we get back to the apartment."

heeseung doesn't have it in him to argue or protest, he simply nods and lets himself be carried away by his friends.

heeseung doesn't see park sunghoon anymore. not until his friday morning ethics class where he's slumped in his seat, fighting the sleep tugging at his eyes when a voice shakes him wide awake. 

"is anyone sitting here?"

park sunghoon is standing over him, behind the only available seat in the classroom. the same seat his backpack is currently resting on. heeseung quickly moves his bag to the floor, giving up the seat and watching as park sunghoon sits down next to him. he can feel eyes on him. every single pair of eyes that doesn't live under a rock like heeseung is watching him. him and park sunghoon. who, simply by chance, ends up sitting right beside heeseung. flustered, heeseung turns to the side, fixing his hair and trying to make himself seem more presentable, though he knows how exhausted he looks. no one wakes up from a five hour cram session looking like sleeping beauty. even sunoo, who's always perfect. 

when he looks over at the other, park sunghoon is watching him. like a hawk. and heeseung nearly flinches, both from shock and intimidation. his face burns red with embarrassment and he reaches for one of his pencils, only to watch it fall in between his chair and the other's. he bends down at the same time as park sunghoon and their heads bump, and heeseung is apologizing almost immediately, setting the pencil aside and covering his face with his hands. once the professor walks into the room, sunghoon looks away and heeseung feels like he can breathe again. he manages to make it halfway through class before his leg starts bouncing and he gets antsy. he can see park sunghoon out of the corner of his eye, the way his gaze turns to him every so often, like he's inspecting heeseung. looking him up and down and searching for something, only to come up clean. heeseung pretends he doesn't notice, though he stops taking notes, pencil sitting loosely between his fingers. he brings it to his lips, chewing absentmindedly on the eraser. 

"keep chewing on that and you're gonna end up eating it."

heeseung becomes painfully aware of how close park sunghoon is to him in that moment, the way his voice sounds when he whispers in his ear. he doesn't like it. how hyperaware his body becomes, but he can't control it. he simply takes his pencil out of his mouth and offers the other a soft smile of acknowledgement. he tries to ignore park sunghoon for the rest of class, trying to reset his brain into focusing on the lecture. with a small amount of luck, he gets a few notes in before the professor dismisses them. he stands up and shoves all his materials back into his bag, clearing his throat and trying to form a proper sentence that didn't sound like it came from a five year-old. 

"do you want my notes? from earlier in the semester? they might help you-"

when heeseung finally turns around after packing up his stuff, park sunghoon is gone. he didn't even notice him get up and leave. like a phantom. he comes and goes. and heeseung has to stay in his seat for a moment before getting up, his head spinning. 

he finds his friends in the dining hall, grabbing himself a plate of food before joining them. they're in the middle of an argument when he makes his presence known, setting his stuff down by the empty chair they had left for him, next to jake, whose fingers are gripping the edge of the table as if his life depended on it. 

"hyung! isn't mint choco the best ice cream?" jungwon shouts at him, brows furrowed and face red. he's been arguing for a long time. 

"no! you're wrong! it's disgusting!" jake retaliates, waving his hands in the air as if telling heeseung not to waste his time on a response. 

"not my preference personally, but if you like it, i won't condemn you or anything." 

the table erupts into shouting, more arguing as jungwon tries to keep proving his point, while jake, refusing to accept defeat, covers his ears and puts his head down, singing some random tune to block out jungwon's voice. at some point, jay stands up and wraps an arm around jungwon, gently pushing him back down into his seat and handing him his spoon. huffing and puffing, the younger goes back to eating, while jake continues to sing his tune of denial. 

"how was class, hyung? you look exhausted." sunoo breaks the sudden silence, cleaning his chopsticks before handing them to heeseung, who forgot to grab utensils. 

"it was fine. i didn't get all my notes down, so i'll have to get them from someone. and yeah, i was cramming for a straight five hours last night. my brain is so jumbled. i'll probably spend the night in the library." 

heeseung turns to his food, thanking sunoo for the chopsticks again before beginning to eat. he listens quietly as jake talks about club soccer and how one of his teammates has been cheating on his girlfriend. he seems pretty invested in the drama too, and one by one, everyone moves in closer to listen to it. by the time heeseung realizes someone is walking in his direction, that very person is already looming over him, casting a shadow over him and the rest of the table. one by one, his friends go silent, eyes wide and jaws dropped.

"lee heeseung."

heeseung stands up like he's about to get in trouble, clearing his throat as he hears his friends start to whisper behind him. park sunghoon is standing in front of him, an expectant look on his face, as if heeseung owes him something. heeseung finds himself mentally tracing the outline of his eyebrows, connecting each mole to the next like a constellation or connect-the-dots. his brain is turning to mush, but he quickly regains control.

"i need your notes. from earlier in the semester. i'll give you mine from today, since you were too busy daydreaming."

"i wasn't-" he cuts himself off, choosing to accept the accusation instead of fighting it. he turns to his backpack instead, rummaging through the several notebooks inside as six pairs of eyes watch him, one of whom belongs to park sunghoon. he watches from the corner of his eye as jungwon turn to jay and whispers something, but he ignores it in favor of pulling out his notebook and turning to look at park sunghoon again. 

"here-"

he's cut off again as sunghoon takes the notebook from him without a word, and replaces it with his own. he watches as the other kneels for a moment to put heeseung's notebook in his own backpack, straightening out his back and muttering a soft 'thank you' before walking away. heeseung stands awkwardly, flipping through sunghoon's notebook and skimming through the notes from earlier. his handwriting matches him perfectly; beautiful and elegant, each letter curled in prestigious ways that heeseung feels like he might get dizzy just from reading his writing. 

"hyung! what was that?"

"what was what?"

"that!" jake shouts in his face, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking his entire frame. his eyes are wide, full of shock, and his grip is slightly painful, though heeseung bears through it, smiling awkwardly and trying his best to shrug without pushing jake's hands off. 

"he just asked to borrow my notes. that's it."

"hyung-" jungwon stands in front of him now, pushing jake to the side. his eyes hold an equal amount of shock, though there's a hint of excitement in there that heeseung recognizes all too well. "park sunghoon, the famous figure skater, asked you for notes. not anyone else. you've had more interactions with him than his own fans. do you know how unfair that is? you don't even watch figure skating! you didn't even know who he was!" 

"he sat next to me in ethics. i didn't do anything, i'm just going about my day." 

jungwon groans, melting into heeseung's arms, and jake follows, grabbing his arm and shaking him again. he puts sunghoon's notebook down on the table behind him, wrapping his arms around both boys and squeezing until they beg him to let go. he finally gets them to settle down when another body is rushing at him; niki with his backpack bouncing around and food nearly falling off his plate. 

"was that park sunghoon? hyung, i didn't know you were friends with him! did you guys know?" 

"we're not friends. he just asked to borrow notes from class."

jungwon takes niki's plate from him, putting it down on the table before everything falls to the floor. "they might as well be friends. they've already interact twice. more than anyone else on this campus."

"what?!" 

"yeah." jay muttered from his seat, mouth full with whatever he had shoveled in. "we went to the rink the other day and he was there, and sunghoon got harassed by the hockey team and heeseung stepped in before they got violent."

"are you kidding me? and i wasn't there?" niki whines, backpack falling to the floor with a thud as he sits down next to sunoo. 

"you had dance practice. that's not our fault." sunoo states, as a matter of factly, and niki grumbles at him. 

"you're telling me if anyone else got harassed by the hockey team you wouldn't step in to stop them?" heeseung questioned, eyebrow quirked in amazement at their reactions. 

"but this is park sunghoon, hyung! the park sunghoon!" jungwon chirps up yet again, now sitting back in his seat next to jay, who's desperately trying to keep the younger at bay. 

heeseung rolls his eyes, sitting back down next to jake, and attempts to finish his meal before his next few classes. he gives up on defending himself to his friends, letting them fawn over park sunghoon like he was the queen of england or something. he might as well have been queen of england with the way he carried himself, with the way everyone put him on such a high pedestal. 

it's eleven-thirty when heeseung finally checks his watch. he'd been cooped up in the library since six-fifteen, cramming all of his notes into the limited amount of space in his brain for his exam the following day. he'd gone through two cups of coffee, and a half empty can of monster sat in front of him, accompanied by a half-eaten chocolate bar that he had given up on half an hour ago. his brain is fried, the words on the pages are starting to swim, and heeseung is starting to feel delusional. he looks around the library. there's only five other people there with him, and somehow, one of them ends up being park sunghoon. heeseung can spot his own notebook laid out on sunghoon's table, and he watches as the other writes. at some point, the outline of sunghoon's body becomes blurry and wavy, and he has to force himself to look away and rub his eyes until they water. 

he pushes his chair back a bit too loud, grabbing the can and chocolate bar and walking away from his seat. he throws both away in the nearest trash can and walks out to the staircase, sitting down on the top step and stretching out his legs. it's quiet, and although some people shy away from an empty library at night, heeseung welcomes the peaceful nature. he prefers it this way, when the only sound he hears for hours is the clacking of the librarian's keyboard, or the soft footsteps every so often when someone stands up to take a walk. heeseung gives himself five minutes before getting back on his feet and returning to his table. he finds his own notebook laying on top of his papers, and a sticky note attached. 

thank you.

-PS

he stares at the note for what feels like forever. anyone on campus would kill to have this sticky note right now, and here heeseung is, staring at it like it's a regular piece of paper. which it is, it just happens to have park sunghoon's handwriting and initials on it. both of which would increase the price of this small paper by tenfold. he takes it off carefully, folding it up and slipping it into his back pocket. it's almost midnight, and heeseung calls it quits, closing up his books and putting his papers away into his backpack one by one. he reaches for sunghoon's notebook, eyeing it up and down before looking in the direction the other had been sitting. sunghoon was nowhere to be found, but his stuff is still on the table. heeseung thinks about what to do, thinks a bit too long for his own comfort before digging into his backpack for a clean sticky note and writing his own message. 

you're welcome. thank you as well. i appreciate it. 

p.s. if you need a study partner let me know, i've been doing pretty good in the class 

-LS

he doesn't allow himself time to rethink, to rewrite his note, sticking it onto the front of sunghoon's notebook before grabbing his things and making his way over to sunghoon's table. he carefully puts the notebook down, sneaking a peek at his papers before turning on his heels and walking towards the exit. he has half a mind to take the stairs, just to get his body functioning again, but his back aches from slouching over his books that he decides the elevator is a better option. he waits for the doors to open, rocking on his heels and watching the numbers change on the floor indicator above the elevator. 

"leaving already?"

the voice startles heeseung and he turns his head so fast he nearly gets whiplash. park sunghoon is standing in front of him, yet again, like a phantom. 

"oh. . . yeah, i've been in there for over five hours. i can't do it anymore." heeseung laughs awkwardly, pocketing his phone. "thanks, for the notebook, by the way."

sunghoon nods, looking heeseung up and down before stepping around him and walking back to his table. heeseung frowns for a moment, though his train of thought is cut off by the sound of the elevator doors opening. he steps inside, pressing the button for the first floor and leaning against the back wall. he lets out a deep breath, watching the doors close before a hand stops them from shutting completely. sunghoon steps inside, eyeing the buttons before standing next to him. the doors close and heeseung's ears start to ring from the silence. he watches sunghoon fiddle with the straps of his backpack, watches him bend down to retie his shoes, coincidentally when the doors open. sunghoon looks up at him, and heeseung steps out, putting his foot in front of the doors to stop them from closing. he waits until sunghoon is done, moving his foot away once the other is out of the elevator. 

the air outside is fresh, a light breeze rushing through heeseung's hair and he hums in approval. he stares off into space, debating whether or not to go straight home or pick something up to eat, and he runs through a list of places that are still open at this time. 

"are you hungry?"

sunghoon looks at him with a blank look and heeseung has to do a double take to make sure he's hearing the other properly. 

"just a bit, but i'll probably stop by a place and grab something on the way home."

"would you like to join me? there's a chicken place down the street." 

heeseung knows exactly the place sunghoon is talking about. jake will never stop rambling about how good their chicken is. heeseung's never been there, in all the time that jake has been telling him about it, and he weighed his options. "sure."

sunghoon doesn't wait for him. he turns and starts walking in the direction of the shop and heeseung jogs after him. they walk together, though it feels as though they're walking separately. heeseung ends up walking a bit behind sunghoon, and he can't help but stare. sunghoon's legs are unbelievably long, and the outline of his waist is visible despite the hoodie he's wearing. he walks with confidence, each stride longer than the last, and although heeseung is taller by just a bit, he feels as though he can't keep up.

"so. . . why'd you pick this school?"

"what?"

they stop at a crosswalk and heeseung finally stands beside him again. he faces the other properly now, feeling a bit more confident in holding a conversation. "why did you transfer here?"

"do you want me gone?"

"what? no, i didn't say that. i'm just curious."

sunghoon hums in response, sliding his hands into the pocket of his hoodie before crossing the street. heeseung frowns yet again, running after the other for the second time. they're the only ones in the chicken shop, and heeseung skims the menu, finding whatever jake has been telling him about for months, and as he goes to order, sunghoon cuts him off, telling the cashier his order. heeseung stands quietly, putting the menu down and fishes for his wallet. 

"i got it."

heeseung tries not to seem deflated, especially when sunghoon orders for both of them and pays for their food. he's used to paying for his friends' meals, always offering up his card during their lunches or dinners despite them nagging him to stop spending so much money on them. he follows sunghoon to a table and they sit down across from one another, silence filling the air between them again. 

"my friends really like you, you know."

"i can tell."

"how long have you been skating for?"

"since i was nine."

heeseung nods. the tension is so thick, and sunghoon's presence makes him dizzy. dizzy from what, he's not entirely sure. they exchange glances until their food arrives, then the awkwardness fades, replaced with comfort as heeseung begins to eat. 

"you seem unphased."

"by what?"

"me."

the confidence leaks out of sunghoon like a broken dam, and heeseung is having a hard time catching up to him. sunghoon sits back in his chair, reaching up to fix his bangs. his brows are sharp, and they make his gaze even more powerful and intimidating than it already is. heeseung's been told he's intimidating and he's never understood how, but sitting across from park sunghoon, he now knows how others feel talking to him. there's no way he's that intimidating. 

"i'm not into figure skating."

"oh?"

"yeah. i'm more of a basketball guy. my friends talk about you all the time so i kind of get the gist of it. i've never watched it though."

"you should." 

they grow silent again, turning back to their food. the container is almost empty, and heeseung tries to fight sunghoon about the last piece, telling him to take it despite sunghoon's protests. they end up settling it with rock-paper-scissors, to which heeseung wins and puts the last piece of chicken on sunghoon's makeshift plate, leaning back in satisfaction and crossing his arms over his chest. 

the walk back to campus isn't as bad, and heeseung finds himself rambling about his friends, despite sunghoon never asking about them. 

"jake is from australia. he seems like a fratboy, but honestly, he's really bad at it. and jay. . . he's from seattle, like in the usa, but his english kind of sucks sometimes. . ." he trails off at some point, looking over at sunghoon, who, surprisingly, is giving him his undivided attention. 

heeseung flushes at the realization, clearing his throat and turning his head to watch where he's going. he feels sunghoon's eyes on him, the sharp look, as if he's waiting for heeseung to continue. heeseung loses his train of thought, adjusting the straps of his backpack as they approach his apartment building. 

"well. . . this is me."

"mmm. . . good night then."

heeseung stands by the door, watching as sunghoon begins to walk off, and he calls out to him. "wait! i meant to ask you-" he begins, ruffling his hair as he tries to remember the question that's been on his mind for the past twenty minutes. "what year are you?"

"i'm a junior."

"oh. like jay and jake, they'll love that."

"what about you?"

"oh, uh, i'm a senior. it's my last year."

sunghoon turns around fully, the hint of a playful smile sitting at the corner of his lips and he tilts his head to the side. he's eyeing heeseung again, looking him up and down like a full body scanner. heeseung feels frozen again, as if moving is going to mess up sunghoon's scan and he'll have to start over.

"guess you're my hyung then."

his heart is racing, ready to jump out of his chest. 

"guess you're right."

"in that case, good night hyung." 

sunghoon turns and walks away, leaving heeseung to stare at his back, his shoulders and the way he walks. he's even dizzier than he was earlier, and this time he knows the reason. no word has ever made his heart palpitate this way, or make him feel like he's losing oxygen. his friends call him hyung all the time. but coming out of sunghoon's mouth, it sounds different. he says it differently than his friends do, like there's another meaning behind it other than 'older brother'.

he stumbles into his apartment, face red and palms sweaty. jay and jungwon are asleep on the couch, some old tv show playing quietly as background noise. he slips his shoes off quietly and tiptoes to his room, throwing his stuff down and sighing as he falls back onto his bed. 

he's starting to get it. why his friends adore park sunghoon so much. he's an enigma. something straight out of a webtoon or a drama, unreal and unexpected. and somehow, heeseung, who's never really cared for sunghoon's profession or about him in general, is getting tangled up with him without even trying. he can clearly picture the rage in his friends' eyes, the dropped jaws and wide eyes if (and when, if he decides to) he tells them about tonight. heeseung isn't safe anywhere. everywhere he goes, park sunghoon follows. 

the next time heeseung sees sunghoon is at a party. it's been two weeks since their late night chicken dinner, and despite their small conversations, the tension between them in class is very evident. heeseung's watched so many girls approach his table in the past week, asking for his number or trying to chat with him, and sunghoon pays them no mind. he doesn't give out his number to anyone, responds even more dryly than he does with heeseung, and heeseung didn't know it was even possible to get as dry and cold as sunghoon does. 

"hyung, are you drinking tonight?" jungwon swings an arm around heeseung's shoulders, a can of warm beer in one hand. 

the house they're in is packed with sweaty bodies and pong tables. every now and then, doors slam shut and someone is shouting, and if he's being honest, heeseung is a bit overstimulated. 

"sure." 

jay is in his face within seconds, holding out a can of beer, the same one jungwon is nursing, and heeseung cringes at the lack of cold in the metal. jungwon laughs at him and slips off in favor of clutching jay's arm. he watches them walk off, snagging a seat on one of the couches while it's still open. heeseung looks around for his friends to make sure they're all okay, spotting sunoo off in the corner with niki, chatting with someone about god knows what. jake is somewhere in the crowd, but heeseung isn't too worried about him. he weaves around people, sweat clinging to his forehead as he makes a beeline for the back door, stepping outside and sighing at the cool air. he sits down on the stairs leading to the backyard, head leaning against the wooden railing. 

the beer in his hand is gross, but he drinks it anyway. he prefers it over hard liquor anyway. despite the closed door behind him, heeseung can hear the pounding beat of the music, his heartbeat practically in his ears. it's nice outside, better than inside. he can breathe, the sky is clear, and it's quiet. calm and peaceful, just like he likes it. 

"you're kind of easy to read, lee heeseung."

park sunghoon appears beside him, a matching can of beer in his hand. he stretches his legs out on the stairs, looking at heeseung, who takes his time turning his head to face the other.

"couldn't stand it in there. it's hot and disgusting and i can't hear myself think."

"what do you have to think about at a party on a friday night?"

excellent question. what exactly does heeseung have to think about at a party on a friday night? absolutely nothing. nothing except for park sunghoon and the way he's looking at him in the moment. he watches sunghoon drink from his can before copying, nose scrunching in distaste as the warm liquid slides down his throat. 

"you don't seem like a party guy." 

"not really, but i haven't had my college party experience yet, so i figured i'd show up. besides, everyone is too drunk to notice me, thankfully."

"you don't like the attention?"

sunghoon laughs, and heeseung sees stars. his laugh is pleasant to the ears, soft and gentle, and breathy, yet heeseung can't tell if it was real or not. 

"not really. i'm pretty introverted. i like my peace."

"interesting."

"what?"

"mmm, nothing."

sunghoon leans into his space, head tilted as he tries to make eye contact with heeseung, who moves his head around to avoid him. there's only so far he can go before he's trapped between sunghoon and the railing and he's forced to look at the other. 

"how do you carry yourself like this? you're always walking confidently, and you always seem so sure of yourself. how do you do it?"

"hyung, it's all a mindset. you think i really feel that confident twenty-four seven? never. i'm really good at pretending."

heeseung scrunches his brows for a moment, looking down at their shoes as he processes that bit of information. sunghoon is good at pretending. so is his cold demeanor just a ruse? the sunghoon in front of him is too open to be the same sunghoon he sits next to in class or shared chicken with that one night. though it could also be the alcohol talking. heeseung tries not to think about it too much to avoid his brain frying. 

"do you pretend a lot?"

sunghoon pulls at his bottom lip with his teeth before taking a big sip of his drink. the question is simple, yet it's loaded with enough ways to pry someone open, and heeseung finds himself wanting to pry sunghoon open. but gently. sunghoon doesn't respond to him, instead turning to look at the big tree in the corner of the yard, drinking from his can every so often. heeseung figures that's the end of their conversation. sunghoon is good at shutting him down when he doesn't want to talk anymore. he's good at turning away heeseung's questions and pretending he didn't hear them, and truth be told, it's a bit frustrating how good he is at it. 

the door behind them swings open with force, and heeseung squeezes against the railing as jay and jungwon push past him and sunghoon, running down the stairs and towards the tree. he watches his friends collapse onto the grass, and he turns away once jay is pulling jungwon into his lap.

"they seem happy."

"jay and jungwon? yeah, they fit together pretty well. jungwon is like a happy pill for jay, especially when jay gets really upset about something. he's good at calming jungwon down too, he gets excited really quickly. they balance each other out really nicely."

"hmm. . ."

"what is it?"

"nothing, it's just nice. having someone to balance you out."

the silence between them returns once again, but heeseung feels like it's not as awkward anymore. sure, the tension is there, but he doesn't feel as intimidated by sunghoon anymore.

"you coming?"

"where are we going?"

heeseung watches him stand, tossing his beer can into the trash bag tied around the edge of the railing. he gets up, throwing his own can away before following sunghoon back into the house. sunghoon doesn't answer him again, opting to weave through the crowd of dancing college students instead. heeseung catches jake on his way out, watches the way his facial expression changes when he sees who heeseung is with. he can't make out what jake is saying to him, shrugging in response and waving him off. 

when he finally makes it outside, sunghoon is standing on the sidewalk in front of the house, hands in the pockets of his jacket. he looks bored, and heeseung jogs over to him. he follows sunghoon's lead as they walk down the street, and just like before, heeseung watches the other. his mind begins to wander in the silence, and his eyes trail down, watching the way sunghoon's legs move in the tight pants he's wearing. there's no way he's comfortable like that, but heeseung forces himself to stop thinking about that possibility. instead, he looks up, face hot as his eyes fall on the curve of the younger's ass. he thinks back to the time his friends were talking about how sunghoon had incredible body proportions, how beautiful he was, and how much more beautiful he must be in person. heeseung might be genuinely nuts for keeping his gaze on sunghoon's ass for as long as he did, and he pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth to prevent his thoughts from drifting. 

either sunghoon is completely oblivious, or he just doesn't care. 

it doesn't take them long to arrive at their destination. sunghoon stops at the entrance to a park, looking up at the open gate and the sign above it. he doesn't necessarily wait for heeseung, walking towards the playground in the distance and finding a spot in the grass. heeseung sits beside him after taking a look at their surroundings. 

"how do you know about this place?"

"i'm not helpless. i know my way around the area."

heeseung pulls his legs up, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his head on top. sunghoon is on his back and heeseung can feel his eyes on him. even with his back turned, he can feel the power of the other's gaze. he shudders. 

"what are you studying?" 

"music production." heeseung says softly, careful not to disturb the quiet environment around them. sunghoon hums, though heeseung can't tell if it's in approval or disinterest. he looks over his shoulder, eyes meeting sunghoon's and he quickly looks away, fingers moving to play with the blades of grass beneath him. he picks up on the soft breathing coming from the other, and focuses his mind on that. sunghoon seems at peace, and when heeseung looks back at him, the younger has his eyes closed. in this moment, sunghoon looks like a regular college kid, his face no longer holding that stoic and cold expression. instead, his eyebrows are relaxed, his lips are curved into a slight smile, and heeseung thinks he looks better like this. 

like someone who's not put on a pedestal every second of his life.

heeseung moves to lie down next to sunghoon, interlacing his fingers on top of his abdomen while looking up at the sky. he crosses one leg over the other, humming softly to himself as he tries to clear his mind. 

"what made you pick figure skating?"

sunghoon lets out a deep sound, somewhere between a hum and a grunt. "dunno. i just wanted to do something that others weren't."

"so you picked figure skating?"

"guess so."

they're both silent again, and heeseung feels a bit antsy, running questions through his mind to find a good one. 

"could you see yourself doing anything else?"

"maybe."

"like what?"

"i played the cello when i was younger. . . or maybe a performer. not sure. i've never really thought about it. figure skating's been a part of most of my life at this point. truly, i transferred here because i couldn't handle online school. i'd like to stay a student, get a degree. figure skating is temporary."

"do you. . ." he started, sitting up a bit and resting his weight on his arm. he feels more confident looking at sunghoon now. "do you ever feel like everything is too much? like. . . yeah, it's nice to have fans when you're so talented, but how does it make you feel? how do you feel whenever you're surrounded by people obsessed with you?"

sunghoon opens his eyes then, looking up at heeseung, and for the first time, the older is able to maintain eye contact. he tries to read sunghoon's expression. the younger seems conflicted, like he isn't sure if he should give heeseung the answer he's looking for or lie and pretend it doesn't all bother him. 

"honestly. . ."

"you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"no, it's okay. i've just never been asked that before." sunghoon sits up, hugging his knees to his chest now. he furrows his brows, and the stoic expression is back. "when i was younger, i was really overwhelmed with all the fans. i was a big introvert, i still am. i've gotten better at being in front of a camera or being asked for autographs and pictures but. . . i've never really given it much thought. i've kind of grown up in that spotlight, i never really stopped to think about it all. if it was up to me, i'd knock all the cameras out of my face and throw all those sharpies away. i kind of hate it, honestly." he laughs at that, but it sounds more bitter than probably intended. "i hate being in the spotlight. i've skated for nine years with the intention of doing something fun, but at some point, my hobby turned into a job, and it kind of sucks. i don't feel like i'm skating for myself anymore. it's also lonely. . . it's just me on the ice. it gets to your head sometimes."

sunghoon goes quiet then. heeseung sits up and looks at his face, trying to get a sense of what the other is feeling. he can't really say he understands what the other is saying because he's never experienced it, but just hearing sunghoon say he hated it had his heart twisting out of pity. 

"i want to go out with a bang. i have nationals coming up, and hopefully, i make it to globals. i want to win gold, and then i'm done. i don't think i can do it anymore. it just feels like a hassle."

"have you won gold before?"

". . . no, i haven't."

heeseung offers a soft smile, bumping his shoulder and nodding his head. "you'll win. i've never seen your performances, but from what i've heard, you're more than qualified. and you deserve it."

"you sound like all those twitter fans."

"take it from someone who had no idea who you are, no idea how figure skating works. an unbiased opinion, if you will. if it helps, i'm rooting for you."

sunghoon looks at him, and despite the straight face he's trying to maintain, he bursts out laughing and heeseung's heart leaps in his chest, the sound ringing in his ears like tinnitus. 

"somehow, that makes me feel better."

heeseung wakes up the next morning with an ache in his back and a splitting headache. he didn't even drink that much, he was just out for much longer than intended, coming back to his apartment around four in the morning. he even fell asleep in his clothes from last night, and the first thing he does after getting up is peel them off, tossing the dirtied clothes into his hamper before grabbing new clothes and walking into the bathroom. 

he takes a long shower, letting the hot water run through his hair and down his neck and back as the gears in his head start to work again. he thinks about his conversation with sunghoon from last night, how vulnerable he had gotten sunghoon despite barely knowing each other. they'd talked for hours, heeseung trying to pick sunghoon apart, though he had started to shut down after admitting his feelings about figure skating. the younger, on the other hand, had absolutely torn heeseung apart after begging to listen to his music. heeseung hasn't really let anyone, even his friends, listen to the music he's made, apart from his professors. he preferred to keep it all personal, despite the constant nagging he got from his friends. sunghoon begged him for so long and heeseung was too weak, especially when the other looked the way he did; his eyes wide with interest and his lips shaped into a pout had heeseung caving faster than he would've liked. sunghoon listened to every single track, offering his brutally honest opinions in between each track, and by the end, heeseung felt like he was now required to make an entire mini album just to fit sunghoon's taste. 

he ends up taking longer in the shower than he had intended, dressing himself quickly after looking at the time on his phone. he had slept through the entire morning, and while he was thankful his roommates didn't wake him up, he was kind of bugged that he had slept so late. he'd never slept until three in the afternoon, but he figures he really was that exhausted. 

heeseung walks out into a full living room, each of his friends having claimed a spot on the couches or the floor. they're playing mario kart on the tv, and when they realize he's standing there, the game pauses and jake is on him in an instant, tugging at his shirt collar and inspecting him like he was some type of new plague. 

"where are they?"

"where's what?"

"you know what!"

"no i don't!"

"the hickies, hyung! where are they?"

"the what!?"

heeseung manages to push jake away, staring at him before his gaze shifts to the rest of the people in his apartment. each of them return the look, and heeseung watches as jake's eyes are doing a once over on heeseung's body. 

"what are you talking about?"

"you don't have any hickies on you."

"okay. . . and?"

jay steps forward, poking heeseung in the chest with a tired grin. "are they somewhere else?" he reaches for the hem of heeseung's shirt, trying to pull it up. "are they here perhaps?" he teases, and heeseung stops him, pushing both him and jake back. 

"am i supposed to have any hickies on me? i don't understand."

"jake said he saw you leaving with sunghoon last night." jungwon pipes up, and heeseung lets out a sigh. he's way too tired for this to be happening. 

"and. . .?"

"you guys hooked up, didn't you?" jake is grinning like it's the best thing in the world, and heeseung is so beyond confused that he doesn't even register what jake asks him. 

"hooked- wait, what? what are you talking about?"

"you. and park sunghoon. party, together. left." jake reduces his sentences to simple words and heeseung is half ready to knock him over the head. "you and park sunghoon. boom. hook up. yes?" he moves his hands towards each other, imitating a collision and explosion before pointing at heeseung. "you guys hooked up?"

"no?"

"you don't sound confident with that answer, hyung." jungwon puts his hands on his hips. jay has moved back, standing behind jungwon and resting his head on the younger's shoulder.

"no. we didn't hook up."

"liar." jay shouts, shaking his head. 

"i swear!"

"so what did you guys do?" jake is so good at interrogating him that heeseung is getting flustered and his face is burning almost immediately. it's not helping his case at all, but the mere suggestion of him and sunghoon hooking up makes him feel weird. 

"we went to the park."

"that's it?" 

"yes? did you want more?"

"truthfully? yes, hyung. i did want more. i expected more."

"why? what do you mean?"

jake sighs, putting a hand on heeseung's shoulder before guiding him to the couches. he forces heeseung to sit next to sunoo before taking a seat on the other side. "it's been a while since you got laid, hyung. are you doing okay?"

"what?"

"you haven't gotten laid in almost a year, i'm just making sure you're not getting rusty or whatever."

"jake. . ." heeseung turns to him, grabbing his shoulders to keep him in place and get his point across. "i love you, but please. . . i've gotten laid more than you have, i don't want to hear it."

"hyung, it's not a competition. i got laid last week."

"who?"

"doesn't matter. what matters is people saw you leaving with park sunghoon and everyone thinks you guys hooked up."

heeseung feels the color fade from his face and suddenly he's sweating. sunoo hands him his phone, and heeseung is met with their school twitter, and as he scrolls, he finds one retweet after another, one post after another talking about him and sunghoon. 

"fuck. . ."

"so, just to reiterate, you guys didn't hook up?" niki asks, a sheepish smile on his face and heeseung can't even glare at him. he simply shakes his head and hands sunoo the phone back. 

"no! we did not hook up!"

"i think someone is hungry." sunoo whispers, standing up and walking into their kitchen. heeseung hears him rummage around their fridge, returning a few minutes later with a yogurt and blt sandwich. "eat up, hyung. guys, leave him alone. if he says they didn't hook up, then they didn't hook up."

jake groans, falling back onto the couch with a shake of his head. he seems more bummed out about it than the rest of them. 

"you know, we had a couple girls stop by earlier this morning with hangover soup asking if sunghoon was here." 

"no way." heeseung looks over at jungwon in disbelief. 

"yeah, woke me and jay up. they were kind of loud. jay nearly called the police on them too. they tried to break in."

"in my defense, i was half awake and i thought we were getting robbed." jay shrugs, wrapping his arms around jungwon, pulling the younger onto his lap.

sunoo clears his throat loudly once the room goes quiet. he nudges jake from behind heeseung, giving him a weird look that has jake shrugging. "hyung. . ." he starts, turning his head to look at heeseung. "i know. . . i know you haven't been with anyone for almost a year now, since. . . you know. on behalf of everyone, i want to apologize for jumping you like that. we just want to make sure you're doing okay."

heeseung gives him a small smile, nodding his head. "i'm okay, sunoo. really. thank you."

he ends up eating his food without another word, and slowly, the rest of the group dives back into their game, which heeseung opts out of joining. he watches quietly, but his mind is in other places. places they probably shouldn't be at. 

park sunghoon. park sunghoon. even his name makes heeseung dizzy. he can paint a clear picture of the other in his mind, and he closes his eyes, envisioning the younger male. he pictures sunghoon's dark eyes, the gaze he gives heeseung when he's looking at him, and heeseung feels goosebumps form on his skin just from picturing it. he pictures sunghoon's lips. the slight cupid's bow on his top lip and the way he always looks like he's pouting. he thinks back to last night. how peaceful sunghoon looked, as if all the weight had been taken off his shoulders. heeseung wants to see him like that more often.

he must be a freak. 

heeseung doesn't know what comes over him the next week when he finds himself standing outside the ice rink. he can't turn back now, he'd walked all the way across campus with a bag of takeout he had picked up on a whim. he looks around before walking into the building, hearing the faint sound of skates scraping against ice. the building is cold, and heeseung shivers slightly as he finds the bench where sunghoon's bag is resting. he spots sunghoon on the ice, mid spin and he feels the way his breathing stops for a moment, eyes wide as sunghoon attempts a jump. heeseung's flight or fight response is activated, and his body is ready to stand and catch him (as if he even could), but sunghoon lands the jump perfectly, gliding across the ice effortlessly. 

he's frowning again, though heeseung chalks it up to him focusing on where he's going and what he's doing. he can't take his eyes off the other. sunghoon's skating is mesmerizing. he moves so gracefully, spinning and jumping and leaning back and forth like it was the easiest thing ever. he makes it look so easy, and for a moment, heeseung wonders why sunghoon would ever want to quit. 

the food by his feet is probably cold by the time sunghoon notices heeseung watching him. heeseung doesn't realize until sunghoon skates towards him, stopping at the half wall and leaning over. 

"what are you doing here?"

heeseung wishes he could answer that question, but honestly, he doesn't have anything to say for himself. he looks down at the takeout bag, lifting it up and showing it to the other. "i brought food. . . are you hungry?" 

sunghoon laughs at him, skating towards the gate. heeseung watches as he steps off the ice and makes his way over, grabbing the blade covers resting beside heeseung. he sits, putting the covers on before turning to face heeseung. "you came all this way to bring me food?"

heeseung flushes. sunghoon has a really good point that heeseung can't quite justify. he just shrugs, putting the bag down and huffing. "fine, don't eat it then."

"no, no. i want it. i haven't eaten in a few hours. i've been here since nine."

"in the morning?"

"mhm."

sunghoon says it like it's no big deal. heeseung looks down at his watch. it's currently four-thirty. sunghoon just looks at him before reaching down for the bag and setting it on the bench between them. he unties the bag, taking out a box from the chicken place they had gone to a couple weeks ago. sunghoon looks at him again, quirking a brow in amusement as his fingers opened the box. 

"you didn't let me pay last time."

"fair enough." 

heeseung digs through the bag and hands sunghoon a pair of chopsticks, opening his own pair. he waits for sunghoon to grab a piece before taking one for himself. the constant silence between them becomes more familiar, and heeseung finds himself more comfortable than he was just a few weeks ago. sunghoon eats quickly, and heeseung takes his time, discreetly giving up more food for the younger. he can see the hunger in his eyes, and he figures sunghoon hasn't eaten since he got to the rink. 

"do you know how to skate?" sunghoon asks him quietly once the box is empty. 

"no, i've never been on the ice."

"do you want to try?" 

heeseung stares at him, jaw dropped and he really has to think about the offer. he's not all that willing to step on the ice and embarrass himself, but learning from sunghoon might be a once in a lifetime opportunity. 

"you know what? why not, i don't have anything else to do for the day."

sunghoon grins at him, standing up and walking over to the skate rentals booth. heeseung watches him walk through the employee door and poke his head out from behind the counter. 

"what's your shoe size?" he looks at the racks of skates, eyeing the sizes before grabbing a pair. "nevermind."

he comes back with a pair of skates for heeseung to put on, and the older slides his sneakers off slowly, setting them off to the side before putting the skates on one by one. he grabs the laces, though sunghoon stops him and drops to the floor in front of him, taking the laces into his own hands. "let me do it." he says softly, taking heeseung's right foot and tightening the laces row by row before tying them tightly. he repeats the same process with heeseung's left foot before standing up and dusting off his pants. it takes heeseung a few minutes to get on his feet, wobbling a bit before taking a few steps forward. 

"come on, happy feet. i'll help you." 

sunghoon guides him slowly towards the ice, stepping on and holding the gate open for the older. heeseung furrows his brows, stepping onto the ice and nearly falling. sunghoon catches him quickly, holding the older boy up before heeseung even has a chance to touch the ice with his behind. heeseung is pale with fear, eyes wide and legs shaking, and sunghoon just laughs at him. "hyung, come on." 

"i can't do this."

"yes you can. here." 

sunghoon takes his hands, grip tight as he starts to skate backwards, slowly pulling heeseung along with him. the older is borderline hyperventilating, eyes glued to his feet in fear of face-planting and breaking his nose. or worse. 

"move your feet like this." sunghoon shows him a simple movement, pushing his left foot out, then his right, and copying those two movements. heeseung gives it a try, though he starts with small pushes. the sudden increase in speed has him tightening his hold on sunghoon's hands, though the other doesn't seem to mind it. 

slowly, heeseung builds up speed and sunghoon continues to pull him around the rink, still skating backwards as if it wasn't so difficult to pull off. eventually, heeseung is able to skate at a normal pace, though he keeps his hold on sunghoon (just in case), but the younger has since moved to skate beside him. heeseung focuses on the amount of force he needs to put on his legs, listening to the scraping of ice. he fails to realize that sunghoon is now behind him until it's too late and sunghoon is letting go of him and gently pushing him forward.

"hey!" 

heeseung starts to wobble, but he manages to catch himself, picking up speed and making a full lap around the ice on his own as sunghoon watches from the center of the rink. he seems pleased with heeseung's quick learning, and he moves to skate beside him. "you're doing great, hyung. you're a fast learner."

heeseung glances at him for a split second, and it's enough to make him lose balance. sunghoon catches him again, taking heeseung's hand into his own and yet again, pulling him around the rink. though this time, heeseung is able to keep up, feeling more confident than he did twenty minutes ago. their hands are locked together as they skate, and heeseung becomes painfully aware of how sweaty his palms are. sunghoon eventually guides him to the gate, letting go of his hand before skating off to the center, where he starts to pick up speed and do a couple spins. heeseung watches in awe at the way sunghoon contorts his body to spin faster or slower, and the way he gracefully stops himself. he stops breathing each time the other attempts a jump, and lets out a little breath of relief when he lands them all. 

sunghoon is the most beautiful thing heeseung has seen. his demeanor doesn't do him any justice. he's like a prince, an ice prince, if you will, and it's as though skating is like second nature for him. he's never seen anyone so graceful, anyone as focused and confident. but then again, he's never met anyone like sunghoon before. sunghoon plagues his mind, filling up the empty corners of his mind when he's lying on his bed late at night thinking about anything and everything. sunghoon has his heart beating rapidly, his palms sweating and his mouth going dry, and he never feels ready enough to be around him. he's never met someone like sunghoon, someone with such a cold look in his eyes, with a blank expression and a hint of boredom. sunghoon is intimidating on a whole new level. he has a presence, a strong aura about him that has heeseung rethinking what he wants to say and do around him. but sunghoon is also another college student, another human being just like heeseung. he shows his emotions to heeseung only. he feels comfortable, or at least, that's what heeseung likes to think, and he hopes he's not wrong. he wants to pick apart the skater, dig out that part of sunghoon that is so buried under layers upon layers of stoicism and intimidation. he wants to see more of the real park sunghoon. not this act that sunghoon is so clearly putting on. but he does it so well that even heeseung sometimes has difficulty identifying which sunghoon is in the room with him. 

he goes home later with sunghoon on his mind yet again. the feeling of sunghoon's hands in his still lingering in his fingertips. he has a new number in his phone, saved under an alias, of course. later that evening, he finds himself turning down his roommates' offer for dinner, choosing instead to lock himself up in his room, falling down a rabbit hole of videos on youtube of sunghoon's performances, watching each and every one of them, some more than once (something he wouldn't proudly admit even to himself).

heeseung is so incredibly fucked over that the realization is enough to have him shutting off his devices and calling it a night.

12:35.

sunghoon: should i come over around 2? 

sunghoon: actually, i'll be there around 3:30, i have something to do

"what the fuck, hyung?! what is this?!" jungwon's shouts have heeseung running out of his room in a panic, only to find jungwon holding his phone up to jay. "are you seeing this? he's coming here?" 

"can i have my phone back, please?"

jungwon stares at him and his eyes narrow, the way they do when he has some mischievous idea up his sleeve. he puts the phone behind his back and shakes his head, and jay stands right behind him. 

"explain. now."

"explain what?"

"park sunghoon being in your contacts?" jungwon huffs, furrowing his brows now like an impatient child. "when did that happen? and why is he coming over? what is happening? when did this happen? why aren't you telling us anything!"

heeseung sighs. he'd been trying to find a good way to tell jungwon and jay that sunghoon was coming over later that day so they could study together, but he couldn't figure out how. "he's coming over to study. we have an exam at the end of the week. it's nothing serious, i swear. i was going to tell you, promise."

"sure you were." jay grumbles, stepping back from jungwon in favor of leaning against the kitchen counter.

heeseung is getting a little tired of the accusations and he sighs in defeat. jungwon picks up on the annoyance and sets his phone down gently on the counter, sliding it towards heeseung with a sheepish smile. "why haven't you told us you and sunghoon are getting close?"

"because you all are being so weird about it!" 

jungwon chews on his lip nervously, turning back and looking at jay for a moment. they have a moment of silent communication before jungwon looks back at heeseung. "hyung. . . you know we mean well, right? it's just. . . it's been a while since you got this close to someone who wasn't us. we're just curious. you're always hanging with us but now people are talking about you and sunghoon being together all the time. we just want to make sure you're happy, you know? do you like sunghoon?"

heeseung feels like he's fallen off the moon. "i wouldn't be around him if i didn't like him, jungwon."

"you know that's not what i mean."

"are you ambushing me right now?"

"i'm just asking a question, hyung." jungwon pouts, taking a step back and leaning back into jay, who wraps an arm around his waist loosely. "it's not a bad thing, to like him. he's amazing. of course, we don't know him personally like you do, but if you're happy, we're all happy for you.  we know you didn't have the best experience last year and we haven't been pushing you because of it. i don't know about the others, but i'm really happy you're so comfortable around sunghoon. i'm happy you're doing better, hyung. i mean it."

"you sound like we're getting married. we're just friends."

"i heard you the other night, watching his performances." jay pipes in. he always knows the best times to embarrass heeseung and expose him.

jungwon giggles, and despite the frustration he feels, heeseung can't bring himself to be angry. they both have a point. he'd only recently realized it himself. how much he enjoyed being around park sunghoon, how much he just thought of him. "fuck. . . i don't know. i might?"

both jay and jungwon look at each other before grinning at heeseung, as if they'd been waiting for that answer for a while. they don't say anything, and jungwon picks up heeseung's phone and hands it to him. "answer him. he texted you." he takes jay out of the kitchen and to the living room, leaving heeseung alone to stare at sunghoon's messages on his phone screen

12:42.

heeseung: yeah that's fine

heeseung: come whenever :)

sunghoon is knocking on the door at exactly three-thirty, and jay and jungwon are nowhere to be seen. heeseung takes his time, unlocking the door and opening it for sunghoon to come inside. the other walks inside almost immediately, letting heeseung close the door behind him. 

"hi."

"hi."

heeseung waits for sunghoon to get settled before leading him to his room, which he had deep cleaned just hours ago (definitely not because of sunghoon). he had placed his books on the floor by the foot of his bed, preferring to do his studying in a comfortable position as opposed to a desk. sunghoon looks around the room, taking in all the decorations and furnishing that heeseung had opted to put in. the older had a lot of music posters up, scattered around on different walls, along with a few piano recital certificates from when he was younger. he had managed to squeeze in a bean bag chair in the corner, where he had made a little reading nook that he rarely used, but it looked nice. 

"did you clean just for me?"

heeseung refuses to answer. "do you want anything? water, snacks?"

sunghoon laughs at him. "no i'm good."

they don't waste time, huddling together around their books and flipping through pages looking for the right chapters. their notebooks are sprawled out in between the two of them and they compare notes for a good hour, adding in extra information or crossing out stuff that didn't make sense. heeseung manages to walk sunghoon through two and a half chapters, even with the younger practically breathing down his neck. sunghoon is a great listener. he takes notes quickly too, somehow able to keep up with everything heeseung is telling him, and by the time they finish the third chapter, sunghoon has nearly five pages of notes written. 

sunghoon stands up once he feels his toes start to fall asleep, letting out a soft groan as he stretches his arms, the action pulling his shirt up just above his waistband and flashing a sliver of skin that has heeseung darting his eyes away. he watches as sunghoon does a lap around his room, gently touching all the little trinkets he has on display and leaning in to read everything on the posters. heeseung remains on the floor, watching the younger before grabbing their stuff and moving towards the reading nook. he sits at the foot of the bean bag, skimming through their assignments to find the next chapter they were assigned. sunghoon joins him a few minutes later, sitting down on the bean bag and wiggling around a bit before tugging on heeseung's shirt. 

"come sit."

"there's not enough space."

sunghoon rolls his eyes, scooting over to the side and pointing to the large part of the bean bag that's uninhabited. heeseung knows he'swrong. that bean bag is big enough for two large men to occupy, he just doesn't want to admit it. heeseung moves up onto the chair, settling into the seat comfortably before handing sunghoon his notebook. sunghoon leans into him, chin practically hooked onto his shoulder as heeseung starts to read through the next chapter. he tries so hard to focus, but sunghoon's breathing in his ear is so distracting, and his breath on his neck is making his hair stick up. 

"does that make sense?"

heeseung turns to look at sunghoon for confirmation, which proves to be a huge mistake. in that moment, they're inches, centimeters away from each other, and sunghoon is staring right at him. his gaze is softer, however, the once cold looks he used to give now replaced by what heeseung thinks is admiration, or it feels like it. he can't help the way his eyes are trailing down and staring at sunghoon's mouth, the way the younger's tongue just barely sticks out to lick his lips. heeseung feels hot, his hands sweaty and clammy and he's so incredibly dizzy that it's sickening. he's so dizzy with want.

his pants are so tight, but the bean bag helps hide it and he tries so hard to look away. he's so bad at it, at self-control, and he swears he sees sunghoon leaning in a bit, like he's testing the waters. heeseung doesn't have the time to think about possibilities, he can't afford to, and he has half a mind to close the space between them, but of course, his roommates exist and god is never on his side. jay is bursting through the door with jungwon peeking over his shoulder, and the two separate like oil and water. 

"are you guys hungry? we're getting pizza."

heeseung looks at sunghoon, who shrugs. when he looks back at his roommates, they're both grinning. they're both maniacs and heeseung hates them. "sure."

once jay and jungwon leave, they try to go back to studying, but the damage is there and their brains are fried. when heeseung checks the time, it's nearly seven, and he hears his stomach rumble. quietly, they pack up their stuff, heeseung tossing his books onto his desk as sunghoon puts his into his backpack, and they end up joining jay and jungwon in the living room. jungwon is speechless, eyes wide and hands shaking from sheer excitement. he reaches out to shake sunghoon's hand, introducing himself and rambling about how much he adores sunghoon. jay somehow manages to slip in an introduction before jungwon is cutting him off and continuing his monologue. despite what sunghoon has told heeseung about being approached by fans, sunghoon is taking jungwon's gushing pretty well. maybe it's because jungwon is adorable. it's impossible to be angry with him. 

when the pizza arrives, they clear the coffee table, foregoing the plates as they swallow down slice after slice while jungwon recommends they watch something. after about twenty minutes of no consensus, they finally agree to put on top gun, which jay is overly excited about. 

"jay's american." heeseung mutters to sunghoon, who nods in understanding with a simple 'ahh', which has jay cursing heeseung out. 

jay and jungwon end up moving to the floor after snatching a bunch of blankets and pillows off the couches, leaving sunghoon and heeseung to share one throw blanket and two pillows. they argue quietly about who gets what, and with a simple game of 'rock-paper-scissors', heeseung ends up with the pillows, though he ends up ditching them a few minutes later once they become uncomfortable. sunghoon is leaning against him, blanket wrapped around him comfortably and heeseung can't even complain because he looks so peaceful. so. . . human. the sunghoon that heeseung loves to see. the one without all the facades and pretending. 

heeseung is not as into the movie as he would've liked, and he ends up falling asleep an hour in, though he blames it on the nonstop, four hour studying and the mere presence of park sunghoon beside him. sunghoon ends up falling asleep on top of him, wedged in between heeseung's legs and his roommates refuse to wake them up until hours later, when it's nearly midnight and heeseung has to watch sunghoon step out of his apartment to go home. 

"wait. let me walk you home. it's dark out." 

thank god jay and jungwon aren't present. heeseung is running on pure whims and no thoughts. 

"you don't have to. it's not too far."

"i want to."

sunghoon doesn't argue. he waits for heeseung to put his shoes on and grab his keys, and they walk out of heeseung's apartment complex together, into the somewhat chilly night. sunghoon thanks him for the study session and for explaining the chapters to him over and over until he felt confident enough with the information.

"when's your competition coming up? uh. . .nationals, right? when is that? it's probably soon, no?"

sunghoon slips his hands into the pockets of his jacket, nodding his head as his gaze falls to the ground. "next weekend."

"are you ready? your choreography seems really beautiful."

"you think so? my manager says i can do better."

heeseung scoffs, shaking his head. "oh please. you skate beautifully. you're more than good enough, from what i've seen. you're going to get gold."

"i know i can do better. . ." sunghoon shrugs, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. he seems distracted, as if something is bothering him and heeseung opens his mouth to ask, but he decides against it last minute. he'd rather not test his luck. 

"you do the best you can. that's all any of us can do. i'll be rooting for you. and so will all of my friends." 

sunghoon offers a soft smile, looking up as they arrive in front of a tall complex. "this is me."

heeseung hums in acknowledgement, looking up at the building as he digs his toe into the concrete. the complex is huge, bigger than heeseung's, but he figures sunghoon deserves that luxury.

"thank you for walking me, hyung."

"of course. anytime." he watches as sunghoon turns to enter his building, biting the inside of his cheek and feeling his muscles twitching restlessly. "anything for you."

somehow, the day of sunghoon's competition, heeseung is more excited than his friends. jungwon keeps nagging him about it, and sunoo keeps staring at him as if trying to get an understanding as to what changed. jay's already spilled his secret to jake before jungwon caught him and nearly tore him a new one, and niki seemed either too oblivious or he didn't care enough to comment. 

they end up having to navigate through crowds of people despite it being so early. sunghoon told heeseung the competition began at eight, and there was way too many people in the bleachers for six-thirty. he figures most of the crowd is lovesick fans, especially girls, from campus, and it's not very hard to tell the difference between genuine fans and the 'park sunghoon fanclub'. jay jokes that heeseung should be the president, earning himself a nice pinch to the side from jungwon, who scolds him enough that the older's ears turn red. heeseung couldn't care less what jay thinks, once he's admitted how he feels about sunghoon, he feels calmer. he still feels dizzy, but he can now identify the buzz he feels in his chest. 

"hyung, there's seats over there." sunoo points to an empty row of bleachers, and all six of them weave through people to reach the seats before they're taken. they just make it, as they sit down, another group walks by them with sour expressions, clearly pissed that they missed such good spots. heeseung is wedged between jake and jungwon, and jake is whispering in his ear, interrogating him about sunghoon. 

"jake, with all due respect, i need you to back up."

"man, i'm just curious. you won't give me the deets."

"i'm not gonna give you the 'deets'." heeseung puts his fingers up in air quotes, and jake huffs at him, nudging the older before turning his attention to niki. they end up arguing about who the best figure skater is, not including sunghoon, of course. 

"yuzuru hanyu!" niki shouts, getting to his feet. 

"that's such a biased answer!" 

"what are you talking about? he's an olympic champion!"

"so is nathan chen!" 

"who is that?" 

jake sighs, as if he's been at this with niki all day, which quite frankly, they could have been. he stands up, poking niki's chest and furrowing his brows. "nathan chen. three-time world champion. yuzuru hanyu is only two time world champion. get your stats right, you toddler."

"at least i don't look like one!" 

heeseung nearly bursts out laughing, but he holds it in for jake's sake. the older is in shock, eyes wide and jaw slack and he nearly jumps niki if jay hadn't grabbed him first. "do you hear this kid? you hear how he talks to me? disrespectful! i'm calling your mother tonight! i'm gonna snitch, you jerk!" 

niki ignores him at that point, sitting back in his seat and heeseung is forced to scoot down, now the mediator between him and jake. he forces jake's head to the other side every time he so much as glances in niki's direction, and heeseung hates playing preschool teacher, but he stands up and looks at them both with a stern expression. 

"if you two look at each other, speak to each other, or breathe anywhere near each other, i'm personally calling campus police and having both of you escorted. the competition is about to start so shut up. all of you."

once he sits back down, he can hear jay mumbling and jungwon pinching him again though heeseung doesn't have it in him to care. his focus is shifted to the ice, knees bouncing in anticipation. the music starts to play, announcing the beginning of the competition, and the entire rink goes silent. heeseung will admit that he wasn't paying attention to the skaters, wondering when sunghoon would come out. at one point, he gets up to go to the bathroom, but he ends up sitting back down once he hears sunghoon's name over the intercom, and his attention is redirected. 

"wow hyung. . ." jake mutters in his ear, and heeseung doesn't miss the teasing tone in his voice. he nudges jake and rolls his eyes. in that moment, he doesn't care about anyone around him. his focus is solely on sunghoon, who steps onto the ice in the most beautiful white blouse, parts of his back showing through various slits, and heeseung can't help but pull his phone out open the camera app. 

once the music starts, heeseung only has eyes for sunghoon. he has for a while now, but right now, in the ice rink, with the younger showing off for everyone to see, heeseung feels like a giddy school girl. he grips his own thigh each time sunghoon makes a jump, and each time he lands them, heeseung sighs in relief. sunghoon is so absolutely flawless, he skates like he's walking, and the carefree look on his face makes him look so incredibly cocky that heeseung would be lying if he said it didn't turn him on just a bit. he's learned a bit too late that sunghoon's cockiness and cold demeanor has him hard in an instant, and he'd spent many nights picturing the younger talking down to him, and heeseung is surprisingly not embarrassed by it. he would never admit to it, but the thoughts alone have his heart racing, and even now, he forces himself to clear his mind and remember that he's not the only one in the stadium, and that, in fact, jake and niki are sitting beside him. heeseung is so twisted, and part of him feels a slight rush from the mere thought of being caught in such filthy thoughts. he's a psycho. 

sunghoon spins and jumps enough times for heeseung's heart to become tachycardic. he can hear jake in his ear telling him to calm down, but heeseung is too busy. he's the loudest in the rink once sunghoon finishes his program. he whistles, shouts, claps, anything to let sunghoon know he's there and that he's proud. he waves in hopes of getting his attention, and when they make eye contact, sunghoon's icy glare turns into a gentle smile and he waves back. 

"you lucky bastard." niki grumbles next to him. 

heeseung is already down the stairs of the bleachers as they're adding up the totals to determine the winner. he watches as sunghoon stands on the first place spot, watches all the flowers and plushies that are thrown in his direction and he mentally scolds himself for not bringing anything for the other. there's cameras everywhere, each desperate for an interview but sunghoon is pushing through, waving them all off as he steps off the ice. heeseung waits for him to come to him, and he hugs sunghoon tight, whispering in his ear and making sure the younger knows how proud heeseung is. heeseung's friends come down the stairs just before the rush of fans begins to exit the rink. sunghoon makes it to the locker room beforehand, telling heeseung to wait for him in the lobby. 

"we should celebrate. go out for drinks." jay suggests, looking at heeseung. 

"i'd have to ask sunghoon."

"oh please, he'll say yes. especially since you're there." jungwon rolls his eyes, slipping under jay's arm and making himself comfortable against his side. 

"yes, please. i want to hang out with park sunghoon." jake huffs, though the look in his eyes is wild. 

"i don't know. you'll scare him off. all of you."

"you wouldn't even know who he was if we didn't drag you to the rink that night." sunoo puts in his two cents, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"who wouldn't know what?" sunghoon's voice comes up from behind him and heeseung thanks every god he can think of for sending sunghoon his way in that moment.

"we were just wondering if you wanted to join us for drinks." jake asks, a smirk on his face as he ignores heeseung's very evident glare. sunghoon glances at him, confused.

"i don't think heeseung wants me there."

"what? yes i do."

"then why do you look mad?" 

heeseung huffs in frustration, watching his friends try to contain their laughter while he tries to weasel his way out of the predicament he'd been put in. "i'm not mad at you. i'm mad at my friends for being annoying." he makes sure to emphasize it as he glares at his friends again, mainly jake, who can't contain his laughter. sunghoon stares at jake again, then back at heeseung, and laughs. 

"alright, alright. i'll drink with you and your friends. it's been a while since i drank anyway."

heeseung lets his friends lead the way as sunghoon walks in the back with him, every so often poking the small of his back to get a reaction out of him. heeseung tries to focus on anything but sunghoon, but his thoughts keep coming back to the other, the light touches on his arm or back or the few times sunghoon's leaned over and blown in his ear. he's so incredibly riled up and despite not being a heavy drinker, heeseung is ready to drink away the tension in his muscles. the bar that jay recommends isn't too far, and they only go off campus about a block before ending up at the front door. it's not too busy, but it looks more like a club than a bar, despite what jay says.

they manage to squeeze into a booth definitely not meant for seven people, but they make it work with jungwon ending up on jay's lap at the end. jake orders shots for the table and in what felt like forty minutes, they've gone through three rounds. sunoo is already out by the fourth round, leaning against niki, who's trying to reach for a shot despite jake swatting his hand. 

"only adults can drink."

"i am an adult, you ass."

jake stares at him as if niki fell from the sky before looking at everyone else. "is he for real?"

no one responds. they only laugh as jake argues with niki about how old the latter is. niki ends up wrestling a shot glass out of his hands and downing it before jake could snatch it back. sunghoon is pressed against heeseung, laughing and throwing himself against the older's shoulder after throwing back a shot. 

"your friends are funny." he whispers into heeseung's ear, his breath hot and the faint smell of liquor fills heeseung's senses. he's had a couple himself, and all he can think about is sunghoon. he excuses himself from the table, forcing jay and jungwon out along with sunghoon before he can get out, ignoring their complaints as he walks off in the direction of the bathrooms. 

he takes a few minutes to look at himself in the mirror, running his fingers through his hair and washing his face before leaving and sneaking off towards the bar. he has a couple minutes to himself before an arm is hanging off his shoulder and jake is digging his chin into heeseung's neck. 

"sunghoon is soooo pretty, hyung. you're so lucky."

"what?"

"he's so into you, dude. like, he wants to fuck you."

"what?"

jake cackles, leaning over the counter and waving the bartender over. he whispers to him, something about a victory and asking if they could throw a little party. he winks at heeseung before turning on his heel and rejoining their friends in the booth. heeseung is confused for a moment, but the moment doesn't last long as music blares through the speakers hanging on the walls. jake's voice fills the bar, and he sees his friends all climb out of the bar and congregate on the makeshift dance floor. a bunch of other patrons push some tables back to make space, and suddenly, the entire bar is dancing. heeseung chooses to watch, taking a seat at one of the chairs and smiling to himself. he finds sunghoon pretty quickly; the younger is spinning jungwon around and jumping with him, smile wider than the world. their eyes meet and sunghoon is walking towards him, arms extended as he pulls heeseung into the crowd with him. 

at that point, heeseung is running on at least five shots of whatever it was jake had ordered for the table, his body buzzing with adrenaline and skin electrified with every touch of sunghoon's hands. despite not being that much shorter, sunghoon somehow manages to make himself seem smaller, and he easily presses himself against heeseung. with his arms thrown back and holding heeseung's head against his own, sunghoon dances against him, eyes closed and face flushed red. heeseung's hands quickly find themselves holding onto the younger's waist, grip tight as he moves against him. the tension from earlier is back, he can feel himself getting more and more riled up, but he ignores it, choosing to focus his attention on the skater in front of him. sunghoon moves like a professional dancer, grinding back against heeseung and arching his back. heeseung can see the droplets of sweat running down the side of his neck, and he buries his nose against his skin, licking up from the younger's jaw to just below his ear. sunghoon gasps softly, quiet enough for only the two of them to hear, and heeseung realizes he's more drunk than he had initially thought.

sunghoon looks up at him, turning his body around so their chests were pressed together. heeseung can see his friends over the other's shoulder, cheering and giving him thumbs up and he ignores them completely, turning his gaze back to sunghoon, who reaches and grabs his jaw, keeping his head in place. 

"look at me, hyung." 

heeseung does as instructed. his eyes are glued to sunghoon's. there's no way he can look away from such a powerful gaze. he groans under his breath, and sunghoon presses his lips against his own. the initial contact sends shivers down heeseung's back, and he can feel sunghoon pulling away, but he doesn't let him. one of his hands reaches up behind his head, holding the younger in place as he chases after his lips, kissing sunghoon back with a desire he wasn't sure he could manage. he licks into his mouth hungrily, swallows every gasp and whimper the younger lets out, and when he pulls away, his mouth latches onto sunghoon's neck, mouthing at the pale skin and licking up the sweat running down. he's disgusting, but he doesn't have it in him to care. every signal in his head is flashing sunghoon's name, and he's so incredibly horny and drunk and all kinds of gone. sunghoon is all he can see and think of, and the younger seems to be in the same boat. 

it doesn't last long as sunghoon eventually pulls away from heeseung and excuses himself. heeseung watches as the other weaves through the small crowd to the bathroom, and he follows after him, though part of him isnt sure if sunghoon intends for him to. he pushes through the door seconds after the younger, and the wind is knocked out of him as he's shoved back against it. sunghoon wraps his arms around his neck, kissing him messily and pulling heeseung closer. he licks into the older's mouth, tongue and teeth clashing and heeseung grips his waist again, feeling only slightly ill at just how small his waist is. he'd thought about it for weeks, subjected only to his thoughts as he hadn't touched sunghoon like this before. now, he has the younger's hands in his hair, all over his chest, lips against his own, and heeseung could die right there and he'd be content. 

"hyung. . ." 

"fuck, hoon, you're so beautiful."

sunghoon kisses him again, pulling at heeseung's hair and ruining the slight style he'd put in it hours ago. heeseung is so sick, so twisted in his mind that part of him wants to bend sunghoon over the sinks and fuck him there. wants to grab a fistful of his hair and force his head back, watch his back arch as he thrusts into him, hears the way the younger moans his name, begs to cum. he's so ill. and he wants it so bad, but his impulse control is far too good, and his pride far outweighs his needs and fantasies. 

heeseung's back shakes when someone knocks at the door. he bites down on sunghoon's bottom lip, effectively silencing the younger as he waits for the person on the other side to leave. the knocking continues, and heeseung grows more frustrated. though they hadn't locked the door, heeseung wonders why they hadn't tried opening the door from the beginning. after a few more knocks, heeseung catches the soft sound of a whine, and he stumbles forward when the door is shoved, grabbing sunghoon by the waist as they both crash into the wall opposite the door. 

"told you it was open-" jay's voice breaks the silence and heeseung turns around, staring at jay and jungwon, both equally as disheveled as heeseung and sunghoon are. he watches jungwon's face turn beet red, and jay clears his throat awkwardly. 

"oh shit. . .my bad."

"we were just leaving." sunghoon takes heeseung's hand, smiling playfully at the other two before dragging heeseung out of the bathroom. he closes the door behind them before looking at heeseung, quirking a brow. heeseung stares at him, licking his lips and trying to fix his hair though it proved pointless as sunghoon only reached out to mess it up even more. 

"my place or yours?"

heeseung will admit that he's rusty. it's been a year since he had sex with someone, and here he is, pressing park sunghoon up against the door of the younger's apartment, not giving him a single second to catch his breath. he kisses sunghoon hungrily, like he hasn't eaten a proper meal in weeks, and sunghoon lets him, fingers gripping onto heeseung's shoulders tightly, and the older can feel the sting of nails digging into his skin. it feels so good, everything feels so good. 

sunghoon forces him back after what feels like ages of kissing, gasping for air but heeseung isn't done. his lips latch onto sunghoon's neck, pressing open mouthed kisses onto his skin and sucking marks that will last for days. he can tell sunghoon is holding back, eyes squeezed shut and head thrown back, and heeseung isn't satisfied with that.

"where's your bedroom?" he whispers, kissing just under sunghoon's ear before the other pushes him back and walks him to his bedroom. 

heeseung is hungry. he's starving. sunghoon stands at the foot of the bed and watches him, and heeseung is sick in the head for picturing him as a helpless animal begging for mercy. he shoves sunghoon back onto the bed, tearing off his own shirt before climbing on top of the other and taking his shirt off as well. sunghoon's pretty built, with wide shoulders and toned arms, and it only spurs heeseung on more. he kisses sunghoon with so much want and filth that their own sounds make him shudder. it's so wet and dirty, the way sunghoon's lips are so pliant and welcoming, giving heeseung's tongue permission to enter and explore. heeseung bites at his lips, tugging until they're bruised and puffy, more than usual, and he pulls away hesitantly. pushing himself up on his arms, heeseung drags a finger across sunghoon's lips, smearing around their mixed spit and watching as his lips turn glossier and part just enough for heeseung to slip his finger into the other's mouth. 

"you're dirty, hoon-ah~"

sunghoon doesn't respond. instead, his eyes flutter shut and heeseung leans down to kiss each mole he can find. his hands trail down to grab sunghoon's waist, fingers digging into the soft skin with a bruising grip that has the younger gasping. 

"heeseung."

"hmm?"

"please. . . stop teasing."

heeseung chuckles under his breath. "ask nicely, baby."

sunghoon sighs, brows furrowed in frustration as their eyes meet. heeseung stares at him playfully, quirking a brow as if telling sunghoon he's waiting. sunghoon just stares back, as if testing the waters. he doesn't last long, letting out another sigh as his face flushes a deep red, matching the color of his lips. "hyung. . . please fuck me. i need you in me."

heeseung wasn't sure what he was expecting, but those words were not it. sunghoon's pupils are blown and his hair is all tousled, strands splayed out on the sheets beneath him. he looks almost ethereal, and the developing bruises on his neck stand out like sore thumbs against the younger's pale skin. it's beautiful, and heeseung wants to leave more everywhere he can. wants to cover sunghoon until every inch is black and blue and purple and screaming heeseung's name. 

"fuck. . . hoon, you're so beautiful. i want to ruin you. will you let me?"

"yes. please." sunghoon says breathlessly, no hesitation as he reaches out and brings heeseung down for another kiss. this time, he takes control and heeseung lets him. sunghoon bites at his lips roughly, licking into his mouth as his fingers grip at the strands of hair on heeseung's nape. the tugging is a perfect sting in his head, bringing the buzz out and heeseung groans into sunghoon's mouth. 

sunghoon pulls away not too long after, satisfied with his attack on heeseung's mouth and makes himself comfortable against his own sheets. he looks up at heeseung expectantly, wrapping his legs around the older and bringing him closer. with surprising ease, he flips them around, settling comfortably on top of the older and leaning down to mouth at his neck. heeseung is so dizzy, head spinning and he tilts his head back for sunghoon to mark him up, breathing heavily as teeth sink into the side of his neck. plush lips eventually find their way to the shell of his ear, teeth sinking into the cartilage and heeseung can't think straight. "fuck me hyung. like you mean it. like you do in all your fantasies." he whispers, his breath hot and heeseung shudders. "i know you think about me. i've seen the way you look at me, hyung. you're filthy. just like everyone else. probably thinking about how many different ways you could fuck me, hmm? do you think about me like that? does hyung think about me in filthy ways? are you that sick?" 

heeseung nearly chokes. in any other situation, he'd be pushing himself away and walking out. but now? with sunghoon whispering in his ear and convicting him of crimes he did in fact commit, heeseung is more than ready to fuck the younger into next year. the thought of other people thinking about sunghoon in the same way has rage bubbling in his chest, and in the moment, he can't accept the fact that sunghoon is a famous athlete with a large fanbase. sunghoon is his. he's claimed sunghoon the minute they met, it just took him a while to identify it. 

with a tightening grip, he flips the both of them over again, and sunghoon lands onto the mattress with a slight bounce. "you're mine, hoon. all mine. everyone might think about you like that, but i'm the one who's going to be fucking you tonight, and it's my name that's going to be coming out of your mouth. my name only." heeseung isn't even possessive, but maybe it's the alcohol talking, boosting his confidence and, in jake's words, 'awakening the alpha'. 

they don't waste anymore time, and heeseung stands up so he can fully undress himself and sunghoon. their clothes are spread out across the floor, and heeseung lets sunghoon move enough to reach for the bedside table, opening the top drawer and handing him a bottle of lube. 

"what about a condom?"

"i'm clean."

"but-"

"hyung. fuck me raw."

heeseung nods silently, uncapping the bottle and squeezing a generous amount onto his fingers. he pulls sunghoon closer, wrapping his legs around his waist as his hand travels towards the tight ring of muscles that has the younger squirming from both the touch itself and the cold of the lube. sunghoon whines, toes curling just from the press of a finger pad, but his body is pliant, easily accepting heeseung's first finger with a soft moan. heeseung fingers him slowly, carefully, taking his time and curling the digit up just to watch the other squirm. he teases him a bit before pulling out just enough to fit a second finger, and sunghoon whines louder, his own fingers gripping the sheets as he lets out a shuddered breath. 

"relax, princess."

sunghoon whimpers, the pet name sending shivers down his back. his toes curl at the sudden pick up in speed, and he tries to speak, to tell heeseung to slow down, but his thoughts are wiped clean. heeseung watches with an elated look in his eyes, curling both fingers upwards and brushing over a bundle of nerves that has sunghoon's back arching as he lets out a fairly loud moan. the older is more than satisfied with the reaction, and he continues to hit his prostate each time, his lips curving up into a smirk each time sunghoon moans out his name. 

"hyung. . . hyung. . ."

heeseung's too focused on the way sunghoon is moving and sounding, so desperate to push the younger over the edge despite his pleas. "you look so pretty, hoon."

"hyung please. . . don't tease."

heeseung only laughs, though softly, and manages to slip a third finger into the other, feeling the rush of adrenaline once sunghoon cried out, squirming under his hold as if trying to crawl away. his free hand gripped sunghoon's hip, pressing him into the mattress and keeping him in place as his fingers continue to pump in and out of him, despite knowing that the younger is more than stretched out and ready. it's been a while since heeseung's slept with anyone, and in the back of his mind, he wonders if this is a one time thing, so his body runs on impulse, wanting to get the most out of the experience while he has sunghoon like this. while sunghoon is pliant and letting him do as he wishes. however, after a few minutes, heeseung slowly pulls his fingers out, wiping them off on the sheets, and he can tell that sunghoon was close just from the way his body curls in on itself. 

"hyung. . . you're so hard. . ." 

heeseung doesn't realize it, having neglected his own body for the sake of the other's, and when he looks down, he is, in fact, as hard as a rock. the tip of his dick is bright red, and precum has started to spill out in beads, threatening to run down the side. heeseung groans when nimble fingers wrap around the base, head thrown back as he loses all thought process in the moment. it takes him a few seconds to regain focus and peel sunghoon's fingers off of him, pinning the younger down to the bed. 

"hoon-ah, you're being dirty. . . impatient?" 

"yes. please, fuck me already. i've been ready for you. . . please, i can't wait anymore. i'll really cry."

heeseung chuckles. the thought is tempting, and he wonders for a moment how easy it might be to really make sunghoon cry. he hooks his arms under the other's legs, pulling sunghoon impossibly close to his own body before lining himself up. he takes his time pushing into the younger, not wanting to hurt him despite his body screaming at him to just tear sunghoon apart. he pushes himself in slowly, bottoming out with a low groan and feeling himself be pulled down so his chest is pressed against sunghoon's. perfectly manicured nails dig into his shoulder blades and he groans again, the pain numbed by the surge of pleasure coarsing through his body. he starts to move once sunghoon really starts to whine and beg, eyes glassy and tears threatening to spill over. heeseung gently wipes them away, pressing one too many kisses to the mole just below his eye before pulling out almost all the way and slamming back into the younger. the sudden movement has sunghoon's body sliding up the bed, his head thrown back as he cries out, his nails digging further into heeseung's skin and holding on as if he was afraid their bodies would separate. 

"fuck. . . sunghoon, you feel incredible. . ."

"hyung, hyung. . . again, do it again, please please-"

heeseung doesn't even let him finish. he's also just as pent up as the other from his own teasing and he doesn't waste anymore time. his hips snap into the other's at a brutal pace, easily finding sunghoon's prostate again and making sure he hits it each time he bottoms out. sunghoon is so far gone, eyes squeezed shut and lips parted, his moans bouncing back and forth between near screams and silent cries of pleasure. heeseung doesn't let up, feeling sweat run down the back of his neck and he grunts when sunghoon's nails claw at his back, nails so incredibly sharp that heeseung feels the sting from the cool air of the room. his thrusts slowly become more and more erratic, and he buries his face into the side of sunghoon's neck, breathing in his scent as he drags his teeth along his jugular. he leaves a fresh trail of marks, and a hand trails up to his hair, tugging at the strands before grabbing sunghoon's jaw and turning his head to face him. he kisses the younger messily, all tongue and open mouth and he can feel the way sunghoon is practically drooling, mumbling nonsense against his lips. 

"are you close, beautiful?"

"yes yes yes don't stop, hyung please. . . don't stop. . . 'm so close, close. . ." 

it only spurs heeseung on more, and he's just as desperate to reach his own high as he is to help sunghoon reach his own. he gets a few more snaps of his hips in before sunghoon is screaming in his ear and cumming all over both their stomachs. heeseung follows seconds later, filling the younger and fucking him through both their orgasms. he stops once sunghoon is squirming from discomfort and overstimulation, slowly pulling out with a deep groan, watching his own cum spill out of the other's hole and he shudders at the sight. 

"fuck. . ."

sunghoon reaches for him through his panting, pulling heeseung down next to him and kissing him, though it's just as messy as before. when they pull away, heeseung stares at him, admiring his face and hums. sunghoon is flushed, hair disheveled and he looks like he was attacked by wild animals. heeseung knows he doesn't look any better. they lay in silence for a bit, the only thing mildly audible is their panting, though it begins to slow down eventually to regular breathing and heeseung sits up on his arms then, looking sunghoon up and down. 

"sorry if i was a bit rusty. . ."

"rusty? hyung, i've never been fucked like that in my life."

"really? i haven't gotten laid in over a year."

sunghoon laughs at him, rolling his eyes before pushing heeseung back onto the bed. heeseung waits for him to snuggle up beside him, though he ends up looking up at sunghoon instead. the younger crawls on top of him and makes himself comfortable, a devilish look in his eyes. 

"what are you doing?"

"i'm not done."

"what? hoon, i don't think i can manage another round-"

"don't worry, i'll take care of you. you just lay there and watch."

heeseung opens his mouth to argue, but any form of reasoning is out the window once sunghoon sinks down on him, and he nearly cums just from the sight. 

heeseung wakes up to an empty bed. it takes him a minute to figure out where he is, but the numerous medals on the wall soon make the connection in his mind. he's in sunghoon's room, in sunghoon's bed, with no sunghoon to be found. he sits up, disoriented, and groans. his head aches from the previous night, having taken too many shots, but his back also hurts. he's completely naked, which is to be expected, and he calls out for sunghoon in hopes that the other is still in the apartment. 

when he doesn't receive a response, heeseung forces himself out of the bed, cracking his joints on the way to the bathroom, where he nearly passes out from the number of marks adorning his torso. he knows sunghoon looks worse, but he didn't realize he'd been marked up this much by the other. the initial embarrassment and shock is quickly replaced with a sense of pride and giddiness, almost like a school girl after her first kiss. his back isn't any better; red marks line his back like tallies, some of them deep enough that heeseung can tell he bled a bit. he washes up fairly quickly before searching the bedroom for his boxers, which he finds faster than he had anticipated. his clothes are dirty and not necessarily what he would like to wear in the moment, so he searches sunghoon's closet for a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. they're similar in height so his clothes fit heeseung comfortably, which makes him even more giddy, especially when he can smell sunghoon on the fabric. 

there's a note on the kitchen counter for him next to a plate of eggs and toast, and heeseung can't help the smile that forms on his face. sunghoon had made him breakfast, something he hadn't really considered or even thought the other would do. in a perfect world, he would've forced sunghoon to stay in bed and made his own breakfast for the both of them. heeseung keeps the note, just like he did with the first one when him and sunghoon returned each other's notebooks, and eats the food the younger made for him. 

as he eats, heeseung looks around sunghoon's apartment. it's a one bedroom, nothing too fancy. there's a couple frames under the tv, pictures of sunghoon at various competitions. he's smiling in each one, and heeseung wonders for the nth time how he could just decide to quit something he was so passionate about. there's a few pieces of art on the walls, and the whole apartment is clean, cleaner than heeseung's own, though he'd have to blame jungwon and jay for that (even if jay was a clean freak). it feels somewhat homey, but heeseung can tell it's just an in between space for sunghoon, a place to eat and rest before going back to practice or classes. it's not much, and despite his curiosity, heeseung decides not to pry anymore, instead cleaning up after himself and leaving the dishes to dry on the rack beside the sink. 

sunghoon's note is vague, but heeseung has a pretty good sense of where the younger is. he stops by a coffee shop on his way to the rink, and gets a handful of stares as he orders a coffee for himself and sunghoon, as well as two sandwiches. he knows how bad his neck looks, but he knows sunghoon looks just as mauled as he does, so he ignores the looks, especially the ones from the middle-aged women. he makes sure to pull the collar of his shirt down intentionally and roll his neck while he waits, smiling to himself as the women next to him grumble in disgust. he grabs his orders quickly once they're done, his entire body buzzing with anticipation and he can feel the adrenaline in his veins, guiding him towards his destination. 

the familiar sound of skates on ice bring heeseung out of his thoughts and he quickly finds sunghoon on the ice, though he's not alone. someone else is with him, whistle in between her lips as she shouts at him. heeseung shudders, trying to hide his presence as he sneaks towards one of the lower levels of the bleachers, sitting down quietly and watching the younger skate in circles as the woman continues to shout at him. 

"sunghoon! what is going on? this is the third time you've messed up the routine. you're not usually like this."

sunghoon skates to a stop, head hung low as he wipes the sweat off his forehead. heeseung chews on his lip as he watches the younger get berated for messing up, and he tries to hide himself a bit more, hoping sunghoon wouldn't see him in that moment. part of him feels bad for the younger, watching him get yelled at the way he was. sunghoon does seem a bit distracted, however, and he nods each time his coach asks him a question. she points to his neck, jabbing her finger against several growing bruises and heeseung looks away in shame, knowing it was fully his fault for those bruises and he hadn't intended for sunghoon to get in trouble for them. he'd have to apologize later. 

he watches sunghoon skate around for a bit longer before his coach yells at him to take a break, though she doesn't seem too happy about it. only then does sunghoon spot him in the bleachers and the frown on his face slowly curves upwards. he sits on the bench in front of the bleachers and heeseung joins him, his cafe order in hand. 

"hi." sunghoon mutters shyly, untying the laces of his skates and pulling them off. they're quickly forgotten about as he gets on his feet and hugs heeseung tightly. he looks exhausted but the smile on his face hides it well. 

"i got you a little something. figured you'd be here." heeseung holds out the coffee and sandwich he'd gotten earlier, hoping sunghoon liked what he had ordered. "i wasn't sure what you liked so i just got you an americano and a simple sandwich."

"thank you, i'll eat anything." he sits back down, welcoming heeseung to join him. the older watches him eat, and they sit in comfortable silence, knees just barely touching and they teasingly squeeze each other's thighs. 

"i'm sorry for the marks. i saw your coach yelling at you about them."

"it's okay. she was more so mad that i didn't tell her i was seeing someone. they just need to fade before my competition. she said i can't let it happen again until after. 'stop fucking whoever it is you're fucking until you win'. her words, not mine."

heeseung sputters. he hadn't expected sunghoon's coach to be so vulgar, but he nods. "i'm sorry."

"hyung. it's okay."

they fall silent again, and heeseung can hear his blood moving throughout his body. every part of him wants to touch sunghoon and crawl under his skin. he wants to leave more bruises, hold the younger tightly against himself, but he knows he can't. he shouldn't. 

"you're wearing my clothes."

"oh. . . yeah, sorry. mine were kind of dirty from last night and i ended up leaving them in your room. i'll wash these and return them, promise." 

sunghoon laughs at him. "it's okay. i don't wear that t-shirt anyway. sweatpants, though, i want back. those are one of my favorites."

it's quiet once more, and heeseung's eyes dart back and forth, looking around the ice rink as sunghoon finishes his sandwich. 

"hyung. . ." sunghoon leans into his space. "i've been so distracted all morning."

"how come?"

"kept thinking about you. i've never slept with anyone like that before." sunghoon looks at him with a playful glint in his eyes. "do you think we could get a quickie in?"

"here?" heeseung points to the general area, eyes widening at the possibility of them getting caught if they were to do something in such an open space. sunghoon only laughs at him, crumbling up the paper from his now finished sandwich. 

"no, silly. i'll show you. come on."

sunghoon pulls him into the locker room, locking the door behind them before pressing heeseung up against it. their lips meet almost immediately, and heeseung groans against sunghoon's lips as the younger's teeth clash with his own. he lets sunghoon drag him through the locker room until they're by the sinks, and heeseung takes over, pressing sunghoon against the counter. he grips onto sunghoon's hips tightly, digging them into the edge as he mouths at sunghoon's neck, leaving a few new marks among the ones from last night. sunghoon's head is thrown back, fingers tangled in heeseung's hair and pulling at the strands as he moans softly, begging heeseung to hurry up. 

"hyung, we don't have long. please. . ."

that alone has heeseung pulling sunghoon away from the counter enough to tear his pants and boxers down along with his own. he wraps his fingers around sunghoon's cock, stroking him slowly despite the urgency in his previous actions. sunghoon is whining against him, face buried in heeseung's shoulder and fingers holding onto his arms. he's definitely still sensitive from the amount of times he came last night, and heeseung hums in his ear. 

"hyung. i'm serious."

"okay, okay. so impatient, princess."

sunghoon smacks him lightly, and heeseung spins him around, hand pressing against the small of his back as he pushes the younger down onto the counter. sunghoon is pliant again, too desperate to fight against heeseung's movements, and he spreads his legs as best he can with his pants around his ankles, letting out shaky breaths. 

"'m already stretched out. . . from last night. . . don't need to do it again. please, heeseungie. . ." 

heeseung hums again. the nickname has him seeing stars for a moment and he grips sunghoon's hips tighter to bring himself back to reality, one hand running up and down sunghoon's back and pushing his shirt up. he lets his fingers trail up and down, nails ever so slightly scratching at the pale skin and he watches as the red lines slowly fade into view. all the bruises and marks on sunghoon's neck stand out like sore thumbs, but heeseung doesn't have it in him to feel bad. not in the slightest. he leans forward, lining himself up with the younger's hole, and in one swift motion, he bottoms out inside of the other, and while he expected some resistance, sunghoon really was still stretched out from last night. 

"fucked you one too many times last night, hoon. you're a little too stretched out for my liking."

"shut up and fuck me."

heeseung hisses at the tone, and his brain shuts off. he grabs a fistful of sunghoon's hair, grip tight as he forces the younger's head up, grabbing his jaw roughly and forcing him to look in the mirror in front of them. "don't talk to me like that."

"i said fuck me. i'm impatient."

heeseung's grip only tightens, and he can feel the muscles in sunghoon's jaw tighten and push around under his fingers. sunghoon whimpers, though the playful look in his eyes is more than inviting and heeseung slams into him with enough force to send sunghoon's body forward if he wasn't holding him down. "you're bold, sweetheart."

"what are you going to do about it?"

heeseung keeps his grip on sunghoon's jaw as he fucks into him, his head resting against the younger's shoulder as he watches the way his dick disappears inside the other with each thrust. he doesn't hold back, his thrusts reaching further than they had last night and he grunts into sunghoon's ear with each one. his gaze is fixed on the younger's face, satisfaction bubbling in his chest as he sees the tears in sunghoon's eyes spill over and he's slowly reduced to a sobbing, drooling mess under heeseung's hold. 

"you gonna talk back to me now?" he whispers in sunghoon's ear, teasing as his teeth graze the shell and bite down lightly on the cartilage. sunghoon whimpers softly, panting and trying to find something to hold onto. his knuckles are snow white against the counter, and he's borderline crying each time his body lurches forward. 

"hyung. . . hyung i can't. . . hyung please. . . heeseungie. . ." 

"can't what? use your words. are you that far gone already?"

heeseung's never been one for dirty talk, but his lust-filled brain is doing all the talking for him, and the words come out smoothly, like he'd prepared them ahead of time. he wants to laugh at sunghoon, make fun of him for being so bratty, only to be reduced to such a mess in a short amount of time, but he's more focused on fucking the other the way he wants. the way they both want it. 

"harder hyung. . . please. more, more. . . 'm so close. . ."

sunghoon's eyes flutter shut and heeseung tips his head back, forcing his back into an arch and effectively creating a new angle for him to fuck the other at. heeseung is sweating like crazy despite the cool air of the locker room, and the only sounds his ears can fixate on are the ones in front of him; skin slapping and sunghoon moaning, and it fills the silence of the room. heeseung feels stuffy, despite all the space around them, and he pushes sunghoon closer to himself. his thrusts are inconsistent but he compensates for each one by hitting sunghoon's prostate each time. the younger is like jelly in his arms, held up only by heeseung's arms as his legs give out on him, and heeseung forces him to stay up, grumbling into the side of his neck and whispering into his ear. 

"cum for me? can you follow directions, hoon-ah~?" he taunts the younger, knowing just how close to his orgasm sunghoon is, and he pushes him over the edge with each word. "cum for me, pretty. you can do it. be a good boy, hmm?" 

sunghoon's orgasm tears through him like a shredder, and the way he cries out has heeseung moderately concerned that he might have been heard from the other side of the door. sunghoon is sobbing against him, slouched forward and barely holding himself up against the counter as his arms shake from the force of his orgasm. heeseung cums soon after, groaning and cursing under his breath as he fucks sunghoon through both of their orgasms. once sunghoon starts pushing him off does heeseung pull out, reaching for the paper towel dispenser and wetting it under the nearest sink. he manages to clean sunghoon up before any of his cum spills and dirties his pants. 

"h-hyung. . ." 

heeseung shushes him, lifting the younger up onto the counter after spinning him around. he kisses sunghoon softly as he proceeds to clean him up, wiping down every part of his lower body, even wiping off the sweat on his face and neck. sunghoon sits quietly and watches, thighs quivering and hands shaking as he runs his fingers through heeseung's hair, pulling him into another kiss once the older is finished. 

"didn't expect the dirty talk from you."

"i didn't expect you to act like a brat." 

sunghoon laughs softly, shrugging before trying to jump off the counter. he stumbles, and heeseung catches him, helping him get dressed before pulling his own boxers and pants up. he makes sunghoon wait a bit before they leave the locker room, though sunghoon's are still shaking, though it's not as visible anymore. 

"how am i supposed to practice now?"

"you could've told me to stop, you know." heeseung whispers in his ear, hands on sunghoon's waist as he guides the younger back to the bench where sunghoon had left his skates. his coach is standing there, displeased and arms crossed as she watches them walk over and heeseung quickly lets go of sunghoon's hips, nearly sending the other stumbling forward.

"took you long enough."

sunghoon flushes, sitting down on the bench and reaching for his skates. he takes his time putting them on, his coach's gaze fixated on him and heeseung feels so out of place. he doesn't mean to make eye contact with her, clearing his throat and dropping his head after doing so, and he can feel his heart racing in his chest from slight fear, though part of him also feels a bit exhilarated at the idea of being caught. he's so sick. 

"i'll meet you back on the ice in two minutes, sunghoon. no more fooling around, i'm serious. we need to get this routine right or you can say goodbye to gold." 

heeseung watches her walk off and step onto the ice, skating towards the middle of the rink and crossing her arms again. the look on her face is anything but angry, and heeseung feels like he shouldn't be here anymore. 

"so. . . i'm gonna go. . . before she murders me." heeseung speaks up once sunghoon is done with his laces and stands up. "i think she knows. . ."

"she definitely does. you should probably leave before she snaps at you too. . . i'm sorry hyung." sunghoon mutters and heeseung reaches out to tuck a few strands behind his ear. 

"don't worry about it. i'm probably more of a distraction anyway. will i see you later?" he asks softly, trying not to sound too hopeful but he can't help the feeling in his gut. 

"maybe? i'll text you, okay? maybe we can get dinner."

"okay. you'll be alright?"

"mhm. go. before you get banned from the rink." sunghoon starts shooing him off and walking away, but heeseung grabs his wrist, pulling him back for a moment. sunghoon stares at him in confusion and heeseung leans forward, kissing him gently before sending sunghoon off. 

he stands by the door and watches sunghoon step onto the ice, his thighs still shaking enough that heeseung can see from his distance, and sunghoon's coach definitely catches onto it. he doesn't wait any longer, walking out the front door and back to his apartment. 

jay and jungwon nearly strangle him when he walks inside, and once they see the marks on his neck, jungwon is jumping up and down like a maniac and jay is scolding him for being so vulgar. 

"what the fuck? you don't get laid for a year and the first person you fuck, you come home looking like that?" 

"shut up. shut up. can you leave me alone?"

"no! jake will be hearing about this. you look like you were attacked!" jay is freaking out more than heeseung was earlier that day, and he can't help the way his eyes roll. 

"so you went back to his place? and you guys fucked? oh my god. you fucked park sunghoon? the park sunghoon? hyung, what the fuck!?" jungwon screams in his face, shaking heeseung's shoulders and nearly knocking him over. "wait. . . these aren't your clothes. you took his stuff? wow, does he know? where's your stuff? hyung, what the actual fuck?"

"i left my stuff at his place. . . not intentionally, i just forgot. they were dirty."

"dirty? dirty?!" jungwon runs around him and it takes a few moments for jay to snap out of his own shock and grab jungwon to calm him down. 

"yes, he knows i took his stuff. . . calm down. i would like to take a nap if possible?"

jungwon is staring at him, eyes squinted as if he's trying to read his mind. his nose scrunches up and he gasps, looking at jay for a moment and pointing at heeseung accusingly. "you fucked him again today, didn't you? you're so dirty, hyung."

"respectfully, jungwon, i'd really wish for you to be less attentive. now, i'm going back to my room. don't wake me up until dinner. or unless someone is dying."

he doesn't wait for them to respond, walking past his roommates and to his own room. he doesn't bother to lock the door, flopping onto his bed and groaning into the soft mattress. despite having woken up a bit later that morning, heeseung is exhausted, and it may or may not have to do with earlier activities. he falls asleep almost immediately, buried under his blankets as a headache starts to surface and he wants nothing to do with it. 

he wakes up around six, though his body pulls him back into slumber and he hides back under the mountain of blankets.

sunghoon never texts him that night, and heeseung ends up going to sleep without dinner. 

over a week passes and heeseung doesn't hear from sunghoon. at first, he thinks the younger is busy with practice, which makes sense considering how much his coach grilled him. heeseung texts him about getting dinner and sunghoon doesn't respond, but heeseung chalked it up to the younger being exhausted and probably already sleeping. then heeseung texts him about class, if sunghoon was finished with his project or not, and again, he receives nothing. heeseung then decides to send a short text, asking if the other was okay and if he needed anything. 

he's left on read. 

it crushes him more than he thought it would. heeseung mopes around the apartment, dragging his backpack through the door as if there were boulders inside. if jay and jungwon notice the difference in his attitude, they don't comment on it. instead, they make it worse, weaving around heeseung and avoiding him like the plague. he walks into the apartment and they leave the living room, hiding out in jay's room. jungwon will leave him post-it-notes here and there, letting him know they left him food in the fridge or that they did his laundry for him while he was out, but other than that, they don't speak to him. 

it doesn't help that their friends stop coming over. heeseung assumes they all meet up without him, it only makes sense. no one wants a debbie downer around. heeseung doesn't mind the alone time, but it also gives him more space to think about things he shouldn't be thinking about. even when he's home alone, the tension is heavy and he sits on the couch, staring at the black screen of the tv across from him. his mind wanders to sunghoon. what sunghoon is doing, what he's wearing, where he is (probably the rink), if sunghoon is okay. he keeps opening their chat, reading through their texts up until he's left on read. he tries to think of something, anything, he might've done wrong, but he can't pinpoint it. 

sunghoon seemed like he was into everything they did. sure, they had sex while intoxicated, but heeseung didn't regret it, and with sunghoon's behavior the day after, it didn't seem like he regretted it either. was heeseung too pushy? too clingy? or was sunghoon just using him as a form of stress relief? 

heeseung goes through his phone, opening the gallery to find a few pictures he hadn't seen before. all of them are from the bar, and each one is a different selfie of sunghoon. heeseung isn't quite sure when the younger had gotten ahold of his phone, but he finds himself staring at the pictures for longer than he intended to. he zooms in on sunghoon's face, eyes tracing over every feature on the younger's face. sunghoon is so unbelievably beautiful, it makes heeseung sick to his stomach. sunghoon makes him so dizzy and weak in the knees, and heeseung closes his eyes, phone gripped tightly in between his fingers. 

he pictures sunghoon on his bed, pinned beneath heeseung's body. they're both large boys, but sunghoon's wide shoulders make him look much bigger. his pupils are locked with heeseung's behind long lashes, plush lips parted and inviting heeseung to taste. he can smell sunghoon's cologne, nose buried in the younger's neck as he breathes him in, fingers gripping onto that small waist that drives heeseung up the wall. he can count the amount of moles on sunghoon's face from memorization alone. the one under his eye, next to his other eye. on his nose, next to his mouth. the two on the side of his face. he thinks about the constellation of moles on sunghoon's back, each one deserving of their own kiss from heeseung's lips. in his periphery, heeseung can see two long legs wrapped around his hips, and his hands trail down one of the pant legs, pushing the material up to reveal sunghoon's ankle. heeseung's heart races like a victorian man seeing a woman's ankle for the first time. his hands move on their own, raising sunghoon's leg and fingers gently closing around his ankle, bringing his foot closer to his face. he kisses down sunghoon's calf to his achilles' heel, fingers gently rubbing into the soft skin. 

his eyes shoot open at the brush of a hand on his shoulder. his phone's on the floor and jungwon is standing in front of him. "hyung, are you okay?" 

"yeah. . . yeah, i'm okay. i just spaced out for a moment."

jungwon bends down to pick up his phone, handing it to heeseung after eyeing the screen. heeseung thanks him quietly and stands up once jungwon steps aside. jay is nowhere to be found and heeseung looks around the room for a moment. 

"hey hyung. . . um, we're all going bowling on saturday. do you want to come with us?"

heeseung looks back at him, a forced smile on his face. "you sure you want me there?"

"why wouldn't we want you there?"

"well, for starters, you've been treating me like a bomb ready to go off."

"no we aren't. . . we're just trying to give you some space after. . . you know. we don't want to make it worse."

heeseung laughs, more so at himself than anything and he sees jungwon flinch a bit at the sound. he sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. he wants to tear his hair out, scream at jungwon and jay, but he takes a few deep breaths and forces himself to relax before trying to speak again. "i appreciate that. i really do. but if anything, it's been making it worse. i already have one person refusing to talk to me, how do you think it makes me feel knowing my own roommates, the people i live with, are avoiding me like i'm the fucking plague? i get it, i've been miserable and depressed, but that doesn't mean i want to be completely isolated. if sunghoon wants to ignore me, so be it. but that doesn't mean i want my own friends to ignore me too. it feels like you guys are avoiding me for your own comfort, not mine. you two haven't spoken to me since that sunday, seriously. i've been so far into my own head, jungwon, i want to scream. i don't even know what i did, what i said, if i even did anything wrong to begin with." 

hot tears run down his face and heeseung collapses back onto the couch, head in his hands. he'd been more distressed than he realized. there's so much on his mind that he wants to say, but heeseung can't find it in him to calm down enough to let the words out. jungwon sits next to him, rubbing his back and letting heeseung cry it all out. it takes a few minutes for heeseung to stop crying enough that he can continue his thoughts, but they end up coming out as a jumbled mess anyway. 

"i don't know what i did. we were fine. i think we were fine. he seemed fine. he seemed interested. i don't know what happened. i can't stop thinking about him, wonnie. he's been taking up all the empty space in my mind and i can't handle it. it's so overwhelming and i just want to see his face again. just once. if he tells me to fuck off, i will. i will do it. i'll do anything for him, i'm so sick in the head, won-ah. he's all i think about. every single part of him, every little detail and mark and i get so dizzy even just hearing his name. i didn't realize how lonely i was before sunghoon came into the picture. i miss him. so much."

jungwon lets him ramble, even though heeseung briefly mentions their limited sexual activity and how much he absolutely adores sunghoon. he starts crying again, the same time that jay appears from his bedroom, looking at jungwon questioningly before joining them on the couch. he sits on the other side of heeseung and leans back. heeseung can hear them whispering, jungwon filling jay in on what happened. 

"are you crying over sunghoon, hyung?" jay asks quietly, as if he's on thin ice. 

"jay!"

"what?!" 

jungwon lets out a defeated sigh. "i literally just told you that!" 

heeseung laughs a bit through fat tears, his cheeks tear stained and eyes red and puffy. he sinks into the couch, shoulders slumped as he wipes the remaining tears off his face. 

"i just. . . i barely knew the guy's face before he came here, and now i'm sobbing over him."

jungwon lets out another sigh, sliding off the couch and sitting on the coffee table in front of heeseung. he forces the older to sit up properly and look at him, frowning a bit as he reaches out to take heeseung's hands in his own. 

"hyung, i know you don't like to talk about it, but you remember what happened last year better than we do. your last relationship ended the same way, you crying over sunghoon ignoring you is valid. you're afraid it's happening again. god, i hope it isn't, because i really like sunghoon outside of his athlete persona. i really do. i don't want this to end the same way, you don't deserve it. you've done nothing wrong, so stop beating yourself up over it. that asshole ghosted you because he was too scared to admit he wasn't ready to commit to you, he was stringing you along, hyung. you deserved so much better."

"i remember how fast you spiraled, hyung. it was like a horror movie. you went from rainbows and sunshine to completely dark and scary. i honestly thought you were going to. . . you know. . . try something." jay muttered.

"jay!" 

"i'm sorry! i'm just being honest. i was genuinely scared for him, wonnie. he wasn't in his right mind."

heeseung turns to face jay, smacking his shoulder out of annoyance. "i wasn't going to off myself, you jerk."

"you're not gonna do it now either, right?"

"no! you dumbass! you're forbidden from speaking." 

jungwon cackles, though he squeezes heeseung's hands tighter, as if scared the older would let go and leave them. "hyung, i am serious. your reaction is completely valid. maybe something happened? there has to be a better explanation for his behavior. i refuse to believe that he's just ghosting you like this. in the meantime, come bowling with us. please? everyone else misses you. get your mind off things, seriously."

heeseung thinks about it for a moment. he really should leave the apartment and do something other than mope around. "fine."

jungwon grins, jumping to his feet and wrapping his arms around heeseung. "hyung, you know we love you."

"of course." 

jungwon had failed to mention that they had invited sunghoon to bowling as well. jake is redfaced, embarrassed, as jungwon shouts at him in front of the lane they were assigned. 

"you idiot! i specifically said, 'don't say anything to hyung' especially because we didn't even know if he would show!" 

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry! i started rambling and it just slipped out! i'm sorry!" 

jay tugs on jungwon's arm, pulling the younger away from jake before he has the chance to strangle the poor guy. heeseung is sitting on the bench, one of his bowling shoes on, the other one lay forgotten beside his foot. he hadn't thought about his friends inviting sunghoon, and he couldn't be mad at jake for messing up or at everyone else for trying to hide it from him. he wasn't mad at them. he was mad at sunghoon. especially when jake showed him their texts. 

"he said he couldn't come after you told him i was here too? he's actively avoiding me then. fine."

"hyung. . . i'm sure there's a reason. can you try to enjoy today at least? i'm really sorry. . ." jake mutters, an apologetic look on his face. heeseung hugs him, more so because he feels bad for jake, and he reassures jake that he's fine and that he'll try his best to enjoy bowling. 

heeseung really does try. once they start playing, he becomes distracted with the game, his competitiveness taking him away from his thoughts. he's neck to neck with jake and jay, though jake is trying to prove that jay has been cheating the entire time. 

"how do you cheat in bowling?"

"i don't know! but there's no way you've gotten four strikes in a row."

"i'm just better than you!" 

niki shouts from the lane next to theirs. his ball ends up in the gutter, sunoo and jungwon laughing at him. despite the fumble, niki is further ahead than them both.

"if anyone is cheating, it's jungwon! jay's been helping him!" niki huffs, slipping into one of the seats as sunoo's turn is up. 

"what? no i haven't." jay scowls, picking up one of the balls and rolling it down the lane. it knocks over eight pins and jake shouts in frustration. 

heeseung laughs at him from his seat, watching as jay makes fun of jake for his lack of bowling skills. he spaces out for a bit, and at some point, all of his friends turn into blurry blobs of color, and he stands up, nearly stumbling over as he walks around the seats and heads for the front doors. the fresh air hits him like a freight train and his vision clears as he leans against the closest wall. sliding down, heeseung ends up sitting on the concrete, hugging his knees to his chest and letting out a defeated sigh. 

he thinks about sunghoon. how would sunghoon play bowling? is he any good? maybe he's better than all of them, better than jay. he thinks about sunghoon's hands. does he know how to hold the ball properly? his pretty fingers slipping into the three holes, perfectly manicured nails that left marks on heeseung's back. 

"hyung? are you okay?" 

he looks up to find jay standing above him. he moves to sit next to heeseung, pulling his knees up to his own chest and looking at him. 

"what's going on? i saw you stumbling out. made the guys stay inside, figured you wouldn't want to be ambushed."

"thanks."

jay nods in acknowledgement, quirking a brow and tilting his head. he doesn't pry, instead sitting in silence and letting heeseung decide when and if he wants to speak. heeseung lasts a few minutes before the silence gets too loud. 

"i just got into my own head. i keep trying to tell myself sunghoon isn't like. . . he wouldn't do the same thing. i didn't expect to get so close to him, you know? i planned on focusing on my classes and just getting through the semester. i hadn't expected him to open up to me so easily. . . he seemed so cold and distant and it felt like i knocked those walls over with a single flick of my fingers. it felt nice to listen to him though, i felt like i was doing something good, like i was being useful, if that makes sense. like i was being used, but for a good reason. not something stupid. i wanted sunghoon to talk to me about himself, about his real self, and it felt really good to hear him talk and to get to know the real park sunghoon. not the one you're all obsessed with. he's different. he's more human than you'd think."

jay laughs at him, but it comes from a place of understanding rather than teasing. "i'm happy for you, hyung. really. we're all happy for you. you don't realize how easy you are to talk to, and you're a good listener. if he trusted you with so much personal stuff and he showed you a completely different part of himself, i don't think he would intentionally ignore you. i think something else is going on. don't think too hard on it, for real. don't hurt yourself more. do what you need to do, go to your classes, do your work. we'll watch the globals in a few weeks and we'll all support sunghoon from our couch. if he comes to you, welcome him. don't force it. it won't work if you do."

heeseung stares at him, questioning gaze in his eyes and he squints for a moment before laughing. "when did you become so wise?"

"jungwon is really attentive. he has a lot to say, guess i've picked up on some of it." jay shrugs, a smug look on his face. "it also comes with age."

"i'm literally older than you."

"hmm, whatever you say."

heeseung manages a month with jay's advice before faltering and chasing after sunghoon.

they're all crowded in the living room while jake tries to set up the tv. they connected jungwon's laptop to the television twenty minutes ago and jake's been messing with the cords, trying to get the competition's livestream up onto the big screen. niki is pushing jay closer to jungwon, who grumbles as he's pressed into the arm of the couch. 

"niki! move over!"

"your boyfriend keeps shoving me!"

"jay!"

jay ends up in the middle of two screaming boys, and niki ends up claiming his spot while jay curls up against jungwon, who welcomes the gesture with a content hum. jake finally gets the stream running and they all cheer, just in time for the first skater to get onto the ice. heeseung makes himself comfortable on the single sofa, bag of chips tucked under his arm with a bottle of soda. sunoo is on the floor, like always, having grabbed a good amount of pillows and blankets for himself, and niki eventually joins him, jake taking the opportunity to steal his spot on the couch next to jay. 

the living room is quiet save for the music on the tv. they watch in awe as skater after skater comes onto the ice, spinning and jumping in ways that don't seem possible. the tension grows once sunghoon's name is called. sunoo sits up, jungwon fixes his position, jake puts his phone down to pay attention. they all cheer for him as he starts his program, but heeseung is too mesmerized to make a sound. he watches as sunghoon makes his first jump, spinning in the air and making a perfect landing. he spins, almost like a ballerina, and heeseung is amazed by his flexibility, his balance, his core strength.

sunghoon's face is void of emotions. he's cold again, intimidating, and heeseung shivers, as if those same eyes are staring him down at that moment.

he counts the amount of spins sunghoon does in each jump, how many times he spins or does something borderline acrobatic. he's even more graceful than he was during practices, and heeseung is so entranced, so focused on the tv that he doesn't even acknowledge his friends trying to get his attention. 

"hyung, you look like you're about to punch the tv." sunoo whispers, poking his knee. 

heeseung looks down at him, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head. "no, sorry, i just got really into it."

"yeah, i'm sure you did." niki snickers from his spot on the other side of the living room and heeseung throws a chip perfectly aimed at his head. 

the room goes silent again as sunghoon finishes his program flawlessly, to which everyone gives him a standing ovation except for heeseung, who is still staring at sunghoon. after that, the rest of the programs go by in a blur, heeseung no longer paying attention while his friends have small conversations here and there, still trying to somewhat watch. they all tune back in once they start going through results and heeseung's entire body is shaking in anticipation. 

3rd place comes out, standing on the pedestal with flowers. 2nd place follows with their own flowers. when sunghoon comes out, heeseung's voice is the loudest. he shouts at the tv like a madman, spewing all sorts of nonsense and watching as his friends burst out into laughter. he ignores their teasing, every part of him fixated on sunghoon and the look on his face as he's given the gold medal. he looks gorgeous, glowing despite the bright lights and cameras in his face, and heeseung wants nothing more than to be there, kissing sunghoon in front of everyone and gloating about how incredibly talented the younger is and how much he deserves that medal currently shining around his neck. 

they stay up for a while, even after the competition is over and jake somehow finds their alcohol storage, though jay insists they stick to beers. which they do. so jay hides the hard liquor, handing jake a case of beers instead. they force heeseung to make a toast for sunghoon, despite his absence, and they all go around teasing him about the younger, but heeseung can't find it in him to be mad anymore. he takes all the teasing and throws his own remarks back, calling niki out and claiming he's in love with sunoo, to which they both pretend to throw up. he targets jay and jungwon next, who quickly shut him up and save their own asses from being exposed of not so kid-friendly activities that heeseung has been forced to experience on multiple occasions. 

jay ends up chasing niki, sunoo, and jake out at nearly two, feigning exhaustion despite his clinginess to jungwon and his current hand placements, which heeseung forces himself to turn a blind eye to. he hides out in his room the minute the three are out of the apartment, just barely escaping the unpleasant kissing sounds that grow in volume followed by jay's drunken dirty talk. thank god for jungwon, who drags jay off to their shared room, and heeseung can hear himself think again and he feels the need to clear his mind before trying to attempt sleep, not wanting any images of either jay or jungwon (or both) to show up in his dreams.

heeseung wakes up late the next day, hidden under his blanket for several hours before finally deciding to get up. he ended up dreaming about sunghoon instead, and while it wasn't the cleanest dream, anything was better than seeing jungwon and jay in less than desirable moments. he takes his time getting dressed and brushing his teeth, trudging out into the kitchen like a zombie. jungwon and jay give him an odd look, and jungwon looks like he's debating on saying something, but he decides against it, leaving heeseung to search through the fridge for something to eat. 

he settles on a bowl of dumpling soup jay had made earlier that morning and a generous serving of rice. he eats quietly, scrolling mindlessly through his phone and tuning into jay and jungwon's conversations every now and then. 

"do the skaters leave right after the competition? or do they give them the night?" jungwon asks, and heeseung's ears quickly tune in. 

"umm. . . i think they give them the night and they leave in the morning." jay responds. 

"hmmm. . . you think?"

heeseung watches as jungwon pulls out his phone and opens his instagram. despite the distance, he can see the faint circles at the top of the screen, the various stories waiting to be clicked on. he clicks on one and a picture of sunghoon comes up. from his spot, sunghoon looks like he's inside of a plane, and heeseung can make out the faint shape of a plane window which confirms his thought. 

"yeah, sunghoon left super early. he's probably landing soon, actually. that's crazy, they don't give them even a day to explore the city. i'd be upset." 

heeseung stumbles out of his seat, grabbing both jay and jungwon's attention and they both look at him, puzzled. 

"you okay?" 

he ignores the question, putting his near empty bowls into the sink and filling them both with water before running around like a chicken with no head. 

"hyung, relax." jay stands up, frowning as heeseung looks around for his stuff. his shoes are by the door and his wallet and keys are sitting on a small table they had put by the door. he weighs his options for a second, freezing for a moment to collect himself and his thoughts. sunghoon lands today. he lands soon. is anyone picking him up? 

heeseung doesn't know what comes over him when he's throwing his shoes on and running out of the apartment with keys dangling from his fingertips, jay and jungwon's voices distant as he runs down the hallway. he skips the elevator, taking the stairs instead and briefly scanning the parking lot for the car they all shared. he doesn't even wait for the engine to warm up, he puts it into drive and leaves the lot in seconds. 

heeseung didn't even think he knew the route to the airport until he pulls into the parking lot. he even pays at the toll and finds a spot before shaking his head and looking at his surroundings. he hasn't been to the airport in years, but his legs carry him into the building, eyes wide as he reads all the flight schedule monitors, searching for any flights coming from canada. he spots two, one having already landed and upon finding the terminal, he runs through the airport. he's halfway to the gate before security redirects him to the visitors area, telling him to wait there. 

"please, you don't understand. i'm looking for someone." he begs, trying to push through the two large guards. 

"sir, you have to stay here. anyone who's landed will be coming out from those doors. just wait." one of the guards pulls him away, gripping his shoulders and pointing to the large double doors on the other side of the room. 

the guards stay for a minute or two, making sure heeseung isn't about to run off again before leaving. heeseung is frantic, walking back and forth and looking at every single person who walks through the doors. every single face. not a single one is sunghoon's. maybe his plane hasn't landed yet, but heeseung can't stop his mind from racing, his hands from shaking. he shivers, arms wrapped around himself as he continues to look through the crowd of people. 

then he sees him. 

heeseung sees sunghoon before the younger is entirely through the doors. his tall frame stands out in the crowd, shoulders pushing through the wave of people that just landed with him. heeseung, antsy, starts moving forward, slipping under the security ropes and making a run for the younger male. 

"park sunghoon!"

he throws himself around sunghoon, nearly knocking the poor boy onto the floor. his grip is tight, and he faintly hears the sound of a suitcase falling, but he doesn't care. sunghoon stands, frozen, arms hanging in the air, unsure of what to do and how to react. heeseung can feel hundreds of eyes on him, but all he can think about is sunghoon. how beautiful sunghoon is and how much he's missed him. he pulls away and holds sunghoon's face in his hands, tears soon blocking his vision and he blinks them away, feeling the hot liquid stream down his face. 

"sunghoon. . . you're so beautiful. look at you. . . i'm so proud of you. you were amazing. i watched at home. i didn't go to sleep until they announced the winners. i stayed up all night for you, hoon-ah." he whispers, voice shaking a bit. 

sunghoon stares at him, eyes wide with both shock and confusion, and heeseung catches him briefly glancing over at his coach, who gives heeseung a nasty glare. she nods at sunghoon's fallen suitcase, but he makes no move to pick it up. mumbling under her breath, she grabs it and glares at sunghoon now. he only glares back, intimidation in his gaze and he motions for her to go away. 

heeseung waits for her to walk off before he starts kissing sunghoon all over. he pulls the younger close, lips pressing against every single mole before kissing the corner of his mouth. 

"hyung-"

"i've missed you. hoon-ah, i couldn't stop thinking about you. i was so upset when you stopped responding to me, but i realized i shouldn't be so hung up over it. you're so busy, of course you won't have time for me. you're a celebrity, an athlete with a gold medal. you're incredible, hoon. you're the prettiest thing i've ever seen and i haven't been able to stop thinking about you. every single part of you has been plaguing my mind. i wanted nothing more than to see your face again. even if it was one last time. i just had to come and see you. i told myself i would give you space, but i couldn't do it, hoon-ah. i can't do it. i've missed you so much and every part of me aches to hold you again, but i'm scared you might leave again, and for good. if that's the case, please tell me now. please, don't break my heart any other way. i can't handle it if you'd just drop me the way you did. please. . ." his voice is quiet, pleading, and shaky. "if you want nothing to do with me, tell me now. i'll leave. i'll go back home and i'll delete your number off my phone and you'll never see me again. i swear it." 

heeseung is full on crying by the time he's done talking, and he's hyper aware of the cameras that are starting to surround them. fans are shouting sunghoon's name from behind the security ropes, and heeseung wants to bury himself into a hole and never come out. 

"hyung-"

"please hoon-ah. if i did something wrong, i'm sorry. i really am. you mean so much to me but i don't want to be overwhelming for you. sunghoon-ah. . . i love you. i really do. but i will back off. on my word, if you say so, i'll go away-"

"hyung! stop talking!"

heeseung flinches slightly, breath caught in the back of his throat. sunghoon looks exhausted, but the look in his eyes is soft, and his hands come up to wipe heeseung's tears away before leaning in to kiss him. it's a brief kiss, nothing special, but it takes heeseung's breath away regardless. the cameras click around him but all he can see and hear is sunghoon."hyung. . . please. you talk too much."

"i'm sorry-"

"stop it."

sunghoon takes his hand, leading him through the crowd and waving off every camera and pen being shoved in his face. heeseung jogs after him, confused. his coach stops him as they approach the revolving doors. 

"sunghoon, we need to go."

"no."

"what? you have to start looking over stuff for next year."

sunghoon looks at heeseung before looking back at her. he reaches forward with his free hand, taking his suitcase and shaking his head. "no. i quit."

"what?"

"you heard me. i quit."

he doesn't stay long enough to see her reaction, instead pulling heeseung and his suitcase along with him.

"park sunghoon, don't you dare walk out on me!"

heeseung steps into the revolving door with sunghoon, and his jaw drops as he watches the younger flip his coach off with a mischievous grin before turning to heeseung. "where's your car, hyung?"

"my. . . my what?"

"your car? the vehicle you used to get here? unless you drove a bus here?" sunghoon holds up the pair of keys that were sitting in heeseung's pocket. he's not sure how the other got ahold of them, but he points to where he had left the car. 

heeseung feels the urgency in sunghoon's steps as they walk, and he takes the keys out of the younger's hand in favor of opening the trunk and putting sunghoon's suitcase inside. he barely has time to close the trunk door before sunghoon is grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and practically throwing him into the backseat. dazed, heeseung, pushes himself up onto his elbows in time to see sunghoon close the door and lock it, climbing on top of him with a glint in his eyes. 

"what-"

he doesn't get a word out, as sunghoon is kissing him feverishly, desperately and heeseung kisses him back just as desperate. sunghoon's hands are all over him, and heeseung pulls him back enough to flip them around, kissing sunghoon over and over as his hands slip under the other's shirt. every cell in his body is screaming to fuck sunghoon right there, but he's so desperate to see sunghoon on his bed, and that want is somehow stronger than his lust. 

"sunghoon. . . wait, let's get home first."

"i can't wait that long."

"hoon."

"hyung. i need you."

heeseung applauds himself for his self control, one hand reaching behind him to unlock the door while his other hand is digging into sunghoon's hips, keeping the younger in place. "no. you're going to wait. just like i am. like i have been. we're going home first, hoon-ah~" he whispers, pressing a soft kiss to sunghoon's cheek, pulling away with a playful smile as he slips out of the car and climbs into the driver seat, leaving sunghoon to huff at him from the back. 

"unbelievable."

despite his complaining, sunghoon climbs over the middle console into the passenger seat, making himself comfortable as heeseung turns the engine on. the ride is mostly quiet until heeseung feels a hand on his thigh. he doesn't even look over, knowing exactly what sunghoon is thinking, and he knows that one look at the younger's face will have him crumbling. 

"hoon. don't."

"what am i doing?"

"you know what you're doing."

sunghoon just laughs at him, hand creeping upwards slowly. heeseung ignores him in hopes that sunghoon will stop, but he doesn't. he knows it's not the right time or place, that he's risking both their lives, but his body betrays him in that moment, and he can feel himself filling out in his boxers despite his brain trying to think of anything other than sunghoon's hand on his inner thigh. 

"fuck."

heeseung's grip on the steering wheel tightens as sunghoon's hand slips past the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers. he nearly swerves into the next lane when sunghoon's fingers wrap around his cock, and his body visibly shudders at the touch. it's been a month and he feels like a virgin. he didn't know how he went a year without any hookups at least.

"hyung~ watch the road, or we won't get home." 

"sorry. . . sorry." 

sunghoon jerks him off slowly, thumb teasing at the tip and letting the precum drip down the side to make the glide easier. heeseung can practically hear him grinning, but he refuses to look over. they're almost home and his entire body is humming with adrenaline, with need. sunghoon picks up the pace of his hand, nail pressing into the slit of his tip and heeseung jerks forward, foot hitting the brakes by accident and sending both of him forward. 

"hyung."

"sorry, fuck. . . hoon, please."

he can feel sunghoon's hot breath on his ear, and for a brief moment he wonders how exactly the other leaned over to his side. he shudders again, letting out a deep sigh as his grip on the wheel tightens even more. "hyung, can you cum before we get home? we're almost there, right? can you cum before?"

heeseung doesn't answer him. he continues to watch the road, and he can see sunghoon moving back to his seat from his peripheral. he's sweating, and he reaches out to open his window a bit, enough to let some air in. sunghoon continues to move his hand lazily, though he picks up the pace every now and then, swiping his thumb across the tip every couple of seconds to get a reaction out of the older. without warning, sunghoon's hand starts moving faster and faster until heeseung can't bite back his moans and his stomach churns. 

"hoon, fuck. . . wait, fuck. . . i can't-"

"come on hyung. you can do it. you're close right? cum all over my hand, hmm?"

heeseung is so close, and they're so close to his apartment. he wants to melt into his seat as his lower abdomen tightens up and he groans, cursing under his breath. sunghoon doesn't let up, giggling beside him as they pull into the parking lot. 

"hyung~"

heeseung groans again, and again before spilling into sunghoon's hand. he pulls into the first empty spot he sees and puts the car on park before slumping in the seat. sunghoon pulls his hand out, dirtied with heeseung's cum, and licks it clean with unnecessary noises. heeseung takes a moment to collect himself before turning the car off and getting out. he walks over to sunghoon's side, nearly tearing the door off before grabbing the younger and throwing him over his shoulder. he nearly forgets to lock the car, and ignores sunghoon's whining about his suitcase. they can get it later. 

he ignores all the looks he gets, running into the elevator and pressing his floor. thankfully, he doesn't have to wait long, as the doors open seconds later, and he's carrying sunghoon out and towards his apartment. he fumbles with the keys before getting the right one into the lock and twisting the handle, kicking his shoes off at the entrance and slamming the door shut. he carries sunghoon to his room, dropping the younger onto his bed before walking out and heading towards jay and jungwon's shared room. he doesn't even knock, opening the door and staring at the two, who stare back. 

"out. please."

"what?" jungwon stands up, confused. 

jay laughs at him, standing up beside jungwon and pointing to his very obviously soiled pants. "what did you do hyung?"

"please. get out. i'm begging you."

"why? what's going on?" jungwon doesn't budge, instead crossing his arms and demanding an answer. he glances at heeseung's pants before looking at him questioningly. "what did you do?"

"i am asking nicely. please get out of the apartment. go to jake's or something. please."

jay stares at him, then down at his pants, then back at his face before the dots connect and he's cackling. he leans into jungwon, whispering into his ear and heeseung watches as his face reddens at the realization. 

"hyung!"

heeseung is too far into his head to care. "please. i am begging you. i need you both out of the apartment. i don't ask for much."

jungwon frowns, and jay starts to lead him out of their room. heeseung steps out to give them space, thanking jay quietly as the other mouths to him. 'is he here?'

"yes jay. park sunghoon is in my room and i need you both to get out!"

"alright, alright!" 

jay pushes jungwon towards the door and heeseung follows them, standing and waiting to make sure they actually leave. once they both have their shoes out, heeseung rushes them out and jungwon huffs at him. "have fun, sunghoon hyung! call if you need anything!" he shouts before the door slams shut. 

"someone's desperate." 

heeseung turns around to find sunghoon leaning against the wall, smiling. heeseung walks towards him, pushing the younger and guiding him back into his room, kicking the door shut before nudging him back onto the bed. he doesn't waste time, shedding his shirt and soiled bottoms before climbing on top of sunghoon and kissing him with desperation. he licks into his mouth, teeth clanking against the other's as sunghoon kisses him back with equal desperation. it's quiet aside from the heavy breathing and exchange of saliva, and heeseung pulls away to mouth at sunghoon's chin, biting at the skin and dragging his teeth along the sharp edge of his jaw towards his neck. sunghoon tilts his head to the side to give heeseung more surface area to work with, and the older marks him up like a bloodthirsty vampire. in minutes, bruises cover nearly every inch of sunghoon's skin, the milky white replaced by splotches of blue and purple and black. 

heeseung pushes himself up for a moment, helping sunghoon undress before pressing their chests together and kissing the younger again. sunghoon's skin is hot, and heeseung's fingers dig into his hips, grip bruising as he pulls the other closer to himself. his hands trail trail down one of sunghoon's legs, pushing it up and squeezing the soft flesh of his thigh. his fingers pinch and tug at the soft skin while his head is lowering towards sunghoon's chest, leaving a trail of wet kisses that slowly turn into small bites. he takes one of sunghoon's nipples into his mouth, teeth grazing the sensitive bud and tugging lightly. sunghoon gasps and his back arches against him, head thrown back as a hand comes to grip heeseung's hair. 

"hyung. . ."

heeseung looks up at him through his lashes, and sunghoon looks absolutely stunning. his cheeks are flushed, eyes glazed over and pupils blown, and his hair is splayed out on the sheets beneath him. he looks heavenly and heeseung pushes himself up, throwing sunghoon's leg over his shoulder. his fingers grip the younger's ankle, fingers rubbing at the skin and he turns his head to the side, eyes taking in the shape of sunghoon's leg. he's long and slender, beautiful with muscles gently curving under his skin. despite his thin frame, sunghoon is built from years of skating, his thighs thick and calves sharp. heeseung leans forward, pressing his lips just beneath sunghoon's kneecap, and he feels the other shudder under his hold. he continues his kissing, slowly trailing down and holding sunghoon's ankle in the process. every fantasy in his mind comes to life as he kisses sunghoon's ankle softly, hearing sunghoon's breath hitch from beneath him. their eyes lock and sunghoon whines, his toes curling as he whispers heeseung's name, barely audible though heeseung catches it. 

"hyung. . .please. . ." 

"you're so beautiful, hoon-ah. . . every part of you deserves to be worshipped. poor thing must be in so much pain after so much skating, hmm? let me take care of you."

he continues to kiss all over sunghoon's leg, pressing a few gentle kisses to the top of his foot before putting his leg down and hovering over the other. he brushes a few strands of hair out of sunghoon's face, fingers running over every feature of his face before tracing the shape of his mouth. his thumb slips past plush lips, pressed against a pink tongue and sunghoon opens his mouth, gaze fixated on the older. heeseung pushes his finger further into sunghoon's mouth, though he ends up replacing them with his fingers instead. he pushes them further in, testing the other's gag reflex, but sunghoon continues to stare up at him. his lips close around heeseung's fingers, sucking and heeseung can't stop the way his heart races inside his ribcage.

eventually, he pulls his fingers out, coated with spit and heeseungs hums as he spreads the saliva all over sunghoon's lips, watching them glisten under the lights of his bedroom. 

"saved me the trouble."

"trouble of what?"

"using lube."

heeseung pushes sunghoon's legs open, making himself comfortable in between them as he presses one finger against sunghoon's hole. surprisingly, he takes him with ease, his body accepting the intrusion without any pushback. heeseung lets his body adjust, curling his finger upwards a few times before pulling out enough to slip a second finger in. he leans over sunghoon once more, kissing him again, though gentler this time, while he fucks his fingers in and out of the younger. sunghoon moans against his lips, and their kiss breaks though they keep their mouths against one another's, breathing each other in and drowning out sunghoon's cries. 

"heeseungie. . . hee- hyung. . . please. . ."

"you're doing so good. taking me so well. you're crying over my fingers, princess. do i make you feel that good? you're all fucked out already. at this rate, you'll be completely gone before i even get my dick in you."

sunghoon moans again, louder, and his body moves, trying to fuck itself against heeseung's fingers. the older considers stopping him, but he lets the other rock against his fingers as he curls them upwards, pads pressed right up against his prostate and he watches as sunghoon jerks, thighs shaking as he cums all over himself, leaving the older speechless. 

"did you just cum from-"

"shut up. don't say anything."

"cute."

heeseung continues to fuck him through his orgasm until sunghoon is writhing against him, and he pulls his fingers out, wiping them on his sheets carelessly. they need to be washed anyway. he lets sunghoon calm down for a bit, lets his body settle, and despite his dick angry red and throbbing, he has an idea that needs to be done before he loses his mind. he pushes sunghoon further up the bed towards his pillows so he can lay down in front of him. he grabs sunghoon's legs and throws them over his shoulders, face inches away from the younger's own red dick. 

sunghoon is distracted, head dropped onto the pillows and eyes closed, and heeseung takes advantage of the moment to dip his head down and swipe his tongue along his hole. sunghoon whines loudly, shaking his head and trying to push heeseung's head away, but the older holds him down, pushing his tongue past the ring of muscles. sunghoon writhes and shakes in his hold, hands grabbing his hair and tugging at the strands as heeseung eats him out. 

heeseung's never eaten anyone out before, and he does what feels right to him and what makes sunghoon sound the prettiest. he fucks his tongue in and out of the younger, sucking on the muscles before pushing his tongue back in. sunghoon is sobbing above him, toes curling and grip tightening. he's close, heeseung can tell, as the younger's thighs squeeze against the side of his head and heeseung thinks this is best way to go. dying in between park sunghoon's legs sounds like a blessing, but first, he wants to make him cum on his tongue. then he can pass away. 

it doesn't take much longer for sunghoon to cum, overstimulation quickly settling in the pit of his stomach and he cries out as he cums all over himself again. heeseung pulls away soon after, leaving a trail of kisses up his thigh to his hipbone before looking down at the poor boy. 

"hyung. . . please. . . i can't wait anymore. stop fucking teasing me."

"ask nicely."

"hyung. . . please fuck me. please."

heeseung kisses his cheek as he lines himself up, and he slides in without any resistance. sunghoon sobs once heeseung bottoms out, reaching out for the older and bringing him down closer until their bodies are touching. in any other circumstance, heeseung would cringe at the feeling of half-dried cum sliding between their bodies, but he doesn't care, he doesn't even think about it. his mind is fixated on sunghoon, and his hips move without hesitation. he fucks into the younger relentlessly, abusing his prostate each time he bottoms out, and his entire body relishes in sunghoon's voice. 

sunghoon is digging his nails into his back, clawing at his skin in attempt to hold onto the older as heeseung delivers one brutal thrust after another, neverending as sunghoon wails against him. it's so good, so perfect, sunghoon sobbing in heeseung's ear on one side while his own face is buried into the other's shoulder, breathing heavy and sweat dripping down the back of his neck. his hands move from sunghoon's hips to the backs of his knees, pushing sunghoon's legs up. 

"i can't. . . i can't. . ."

"oh princess. . . i think you can, i've seen you fold in half during your performances." he grunts into sunghoon's ear. "you'll fold for others, but not for me?"

sunghoon lets out a few whimpers as heeseung delivers a few especially rough thrusts before pressing sunghoon's legs against his chest, effectively folding the younger in half, just like he wanted. sunghoon whines loudly, sounds of protest leaving his lips and heeseung stares him down in confusion. 

"wanna hold hyung. . .please. . . need to hold you."

heeseung falters, dropping sunghoon's legs in seconds and pressing their chests together again. sunghoon giggles in his ear, breath hot as lips press just under his lobe, followed by a set of teeth grazing at the shell of his ear. 

"thank you."

"anything for you."

"anything?"

"anything."

heeseung's thrusts slow to a stop, but neither of them are paying attention in the moment, more focused on looking at each other and heeseung can see the gears turning in the younger's head. 

"what are you thinking about in that pretty little head of yours?"

"would you let me ride you?"

"what?"

"i want to ride you."

heeseung gives him a questioning look, but sunghoon is serious. he weighs his options for a moment, ultimately deciding that watching sunghoon fuck himself on his cock is more entertaining than him thrusting into the younger like a wild dog, so he gives in. he flips the both of them over, making himself comfortable on the bed as sunghoon adjusts on top of him. he gives no warning, lifting himself off heeseung before dropping back down, and heeseung groans lowly. 

sunghoon reaches forward, placing his palms on heeseung's chest and balancing himself as he fucks himself on heeseung's cock, his movements a bit erratic though heeseung doesn't mind. he's too busy watching the other to care, drinking in the sight. sunghoon looks like sin, smells like sin, and heeseung is so intoxicated, it makes him see stars. sunghoon's thighs are working hard, muscles clenched and heeseung reaches out slowly, grabbing hold of his hips. 

"hoon. . . you're the most beautiful thing ever. you were made for me, you know that? look at how well you take me, your body is molding around me. so perfect." one hand slides up to sunghoon's abdomen, and he can feel the slight outline of his own cock in him. "fuck. . . look how deep in you i am. . . how's it feel? bet you're full, hmm?"

sunghoon opens his mouth to reply, but his words are lost to the pleasure, body shaking and moans spilling out one after another, heeseung's name mixed in every now and then. 

"so full you can't even think straight? poor thing, better take care of you, hmm?" 

heeseung sits up a bit, adjusting his position so he can hold sunghoon down against him as he fucks up into him roughly. the brutal pace is back, and heeseung fucks him with intent to make him cum again. he grabs a fistful of sunghoon's hair, tugging his head back and exposing his neck, teeth grazing at his adam's apple as he feels himself growing closer. he leaves a few more marks before letting sunghoon go, hands back to his hips as he chases his release. 

"cum with me?"

sunghoon nods, and it only takes a few more thrusts before they're both cumming, sunghoon sobbing against him as heeseung groans in his ear. his thrusts continue, though they slow down, and he fucks sunghoon through his orgasm, stopping once the younger's body begins to shake. he lets sunghoon crawl off of him, watching him lie down on the bed and try to catch his breath. heeseung lies down next to him, ignoring the mess they're both laying in in favor of leaning over to press a few chaste kisses to sunghoon's face. 

it's quiet for a bit until sunghoon tries to stand up, legs shaking as he wobbles towards the bathroom. heeseung waits for him, only to hear the other shout in disbelief. 

"heeseung! what did you do?!"

he jumps to his feet, running into the bathroom to find sunghoon tilting his head every which way. his fingers trace over every bruise heeseung left on his skin, brows furrowed as he makes eye contact with the other through the mirror. 

"are you insane? i look like i got mauled!" 

heeseung laughs and moves to stand behind him. he's just a bit taller than sunghoon, pressing his nose into the younger's hair and wrapping his arms around him. they stay like that for a minute or two, sunghoon leaning back against heeseung as the older pushes him forward enough for the counter to dig into his hips. sunghoon whines softly, hands reaching out to grip the edge as heeseung starts kissing the slope where his neck and shoulder meet. 

"no more marks, i swear."

"no more. promise." 

sunghoon turns his head, reaching back to tilt heeseung's head up and connect their lips. they kiss until their lungs are screaming for air, both pulling away and panting, though their faces are pressed close together. heeseung kisses him again and again, each time rougher than the last and sunghoon holds onto him tightly. it doesn't take long for heeseung to line himself up and push his cock into him, earning a high pitched cry from the younger beneath him. 

"heeseung-"

"one more time?"

heeseung doesn't waste any time, fucking into sunghoon and pressing him down onto the counter. sunghoon is pliant in his hold, body lurching forward with each thrust and heeseung watches the way his back arches, the way the moles on his skin dance with each movement. he presses his fingers into each one, hand trailing up sunghoon's back and towards his neck, grabbing a good chunk of his hair and pulling his head back. 

"look at me pretty." 

sunghoon's eyes meet his through the mirror, tears threatening to spill over, and heeseung's entire body shudders at the sight. sunghoon is already ruined from just moments ago, and he looks incredible, all fucked out and sweaty, pressed against the counter with no room to breathe as heeseung doesn't let up on his thrusts. 

"hyung. . . hyung it's too much, too much. . ." 

"you can cum one more time, no? one more time for me? look how pretty you look, no one else gets to see you like this but me, hmm?" 

sunghoon moans, loud and whiny, but he nods, pushing his hips back against heeseung's and fucking himself on the other's cock. heeseung lets him do as he wishes, his grip on the other's hair loosening as his eyes drift down to watch the slide of his cock. one hand trails down over the curve of sunghoon's ass, squeezing the flesh and spreading his cheeks, letting out a low groan at the sight. sunghoon sobs against him, head hung low over the sink a sweat trickles down his neck, thighs shaking as he tries to hold himself up. 

"hyung, i can't. . ."

heeseung pulls out slowly, turning sunghoon around and lifting him up onto the counter before sliding back in him. he brings sunghoon's arms around his shoulders, fingers digging into the younger's thighs and he furrows his brows as he picks up on his thrusts. sunghoon's sobs are muffled into his shoulder, and he can feel teeth grazing at his skin every now and then, nails digging into his back and leaving streaks of red that would last for days. heeseung lifts sunghoon's head up so he can press their foreheads together, holding onto him tightly as he fucks into him fervor. with carnal need. their breaths mix and heeseung can see sunghoon's muscles clenching and despite his parted lips, no sound comes out, only tears streaming down his face. 

a few thrusts later and sunghoon is crying out, voice hoarse as he cums all over both of them. heeseung continues the erratic movement of his hips, fucking sunghoon through his orgasm while chasing his own. it doesn't take much longer, and he's soon spilling inside of the younger with a moan of his name, pressing their heads together and drinking in every cry, moan, and gasp coming out of the other's mouth. heeseung reaches out for the first towel he sees, throwing it down on the floor at his feet before pulling out, watching as his cum spills out and runs down sunghoon's legs as the younger tries to stand up. he grabs onto heeseung for support as the older cleans him up gently, leaving trails of kisses all over his skin in the process. 

"my body hurts. . ." 

"i got you, princess. don't worry."

heeseung makes sure they're both clean enough, tossing the now soiled towel into his laundry basket before picking sunghoon up and carrying him back to his room. he lays sunghoon down gently, climbing onto the bed beside him and pulling him to his chest. they don't say much, instead exchanging kisses and gentle touches and heeseung watches as sunghoon's eyes slowly close, and the younger buries himself into his chest, falling asleep as heeseung presses his face into his hair.

***

sunghoon wakes up earlier than he expects to, given his jet lag usually messes his sleep schedule up for at least a day or two. heeseung is knocked out beside him, snoring softly with one arm loosely draped over his waist. sunghoon gently slips away from him, tiptoeing out of his room and sneaking into the bathroom. he finds a spare toothbrush under the sink, washing up and taking in his current state. 

his phone rests on the counter, and he jumps once it starts to ring obnoxiously loud. one look at the caller id has his entire mood going sour and he sighs, groaning before answering the call. 

"what?"

"don't what me, park sunghoon. what was that yesterday? you better have been joking about quitting!" his coach's voice is sharp in his ear, and he moves his phone away from his ear a bit, rolling his eyes. 

"no, i quit."

"no you don't!"

"yes. i do. i'm sick of skating."

"park sunghoon, you are a professional gold medal skater. you cannot quit like this!"

"well i do! i'm tired of skating for other, i'm tired of skating for you! i'm tired of all the cameras in my face and i'm tired of the loneliness! do you know how isolating it is? you're not the one performing so you don't know. it's just me on that ice. it's so lonely and depressing, i hate it."

his coach sighs, enough for sunghoon to shudder despite his phone not pressed to his ear. "we can do paired skating if you'd like. we can try it. i think it could be a nice change."

"no. no. i don't want to skate anymore. period. i want to finish school and preferably, i would like to fix whatever i had with heeseung."

"with who?"

sunghoon sighs in frustration. he doesn't even explain who heeseung is. instead he snaps. "i want to be with someone! i won't let you chase them away because you're so self-conscious, because you have this fantasy about creating a robot skater. it's not me. find someone else to train. i'm done being a robot. i'm done being called an icy, distant, and cold person. i'm quitting, and i'm going to do what i want, and that includes having as much sex as i want with heeseung. and you can't do shit about it."

he doesn't let his coach respond, instead hanging up the phone with a proud look on his face. he puts the phone in his pocket this time, running his fingers through his hair and trying to fix the birds' nest before it gets worse. 

"we need to talk."

the voice startles him, and when sunghoon turns his head, both jungwon and jay are standing in the doorway, jungwon's arms crossed as jay stares him down. 

"um, okay?"

jungwon pulls jay into the bathroom, pushing sunghoon further inside before closing the door and locking it, and sunghoon frowns at the ambush. 

"what's going on?"

"i'll do the talking here." jungwon grumbles, pointing a finger accusingly at sunghoon, and jay pushes his hand down with a shake of his head. 

"alright, this isn't a questioning room, won. you're scaring him."

jungwon huffs and grumbles again, though he lets out a defeated sigh. "i'm not going to pretend i know why you ignored heeseung hyung for a month, because i don't. and frankly, i don't care. i respect you as an athlete and as a public figure because i love watching you skate, but you cannot treat hyung the way you have been. don't let my respect for you disappear, because you're on thin ice with me, park sunghoon. whatever your reasoning, you need to tell him. you need to talk to him, because he's been messed up over your lack of communication."

"calm down, wonnie. take a deep breath." jay whispers into his ear, and jungwon pauses for a moment to inhale slowly. he exhales and collects his thoughts, not having realized how worked up he'd gotten so quickly. 

"hyung doesn't like to talk about his feelings. it took us weeks to get him to admit he liked you. but he's big on communication." jungwon sighs again, running his fingers through his hair. "i don't like talking about hyung's personal business, but in this case, i feel i need to tell you. last year, hyung was dating a senior. they were really close, always together, and hyung was always really happy around him. we were all happy for him, he seemed like a good person for hyung, but at some point, their communication started to go bad. hyung's partner stopped texting him, he would leave one word responses and even when they were together, it didn't seem like he was all that into their relationship anymore. it really messed heeseung up. he got into his own head, he convinced himself that he was the issue, that he was sick for all the thoughts that would swim around in his head. he thought he was being cheated on, that he wasn't making his partner happy anymore. we were all scared for him, honestly, jay hyung the worst."

sunghoon's face twisted, a mix of disgust and guilt evident in his eyes and his gaze dropped to the floor. 

"it went on for months, up until spring graduation, and heeseung found out he was being used as a source of pleasure. he was strung along for months, used for sex and as an emotional dumpster. he broke up with hyung the day of his graduation, made up some excuse about not being ready for heeseung, but he was caught with some girl not even a day later."

"i. . . i didn't know."

"how could you have? heeseung doesn't talk about it. we don't talk about it." jungwon reaches out, putting a hand on sunghoon's shoulder in hopes of reassuring him somewhat. "just please, talk to him. don't string him along. he's crazy over you, hyung, and not like all those fans of yours. he admires you so much. every time he talks about you, he's never once mentioned your skating. he doesn't care about it, he admires you for you, he wants the park sunghoon that none of us get to see."

jungwon is wiser than he lets on, stepping back to let sunghoon go, though he doesn't fail to threaten him if he messes up his one chance of fixing things between him and heeseung. sunghoon makes sure to choose his words wisely when he leaves the bathroom, and he can feel two pairs of eyes on him as he walks back to heeseung's room.

heeseung is partially awake, limbs stretched over the edges of the bed as sunghoon closes the door and walks towards him. 

"hey." he whispers, lying down beside the older and pressing a few kisses to his lips. heeseung smiles against him, humming contently as one hand snakes up his back, tracing the curve of his spine. 

"good morning."

"heeseung, can we. . . can we talk?"

he nods, and sunghoon tries his best to focus on what he wants to say instead of the hand trailing up and down his back like a ghost. he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he begins. 

"i just want to say i'm sorry, first of all. for everything. i never intended to ignore you the way i did, and i never meant for it to go on as long as it did. i realized too late how poorly i treated you after that night we spent together, and i felt like it was too late for me to come back from it. i thought, after globals, i would come back and we'd end up going our separate ways, but i didn't expect to see you at the airport yesterday. . . i thought you were going to yell at me and curse me out in front of everyone, honestly. . ." he laughs a bit, trying to lighten up the mood, but he can see the way heeseung's brows furrow and his hand stills on the small of his back. 

"i wanted to text you about dinner that day when you visited me at practice, when my coach yelled at me. i really did. when you left, she forced me off the ice and started yelling at me, telling me i was destined to fail if i kept up with my behavior. kept telling me i was going to lose gold if i let myself get distracted by some boy. i tried to plead my case, and yours, i did, i begged her, i told her you were never a distraction, that you made me feel better when i was skating, but she refused. i wouldn't let her insult you the way she was, and she took my phone because i snapped at her. hyung, i fought her so much over it, i threatened to quit, i threatened to walk out and give up on everything, and she held it over my head, told me i could have you back once i won, once i made her proud." tears sting at his eyes and sunghoon lets them run down his face as he recalls the amount of fighting he did with his coach the last month. "every day, i came to practice begging her for my phone back, begging her to let me at least respond to you and let you know what's going on. she'd never been this cruel to me, hyung. and it took me so long to realize that she was treating me this way because she saw that i had found something else that made me happy that wasn't skating. she was angry, i'd been with her for years. she's trained me since i was a kid, since i was nine. she watched me grow up on the ice, watched me win medal after medal with a smile on my face and the fact that my smile had started to come from you instead of skating made her angry." 

the room is silent as sunghoon pauses to wipe his tears and heeseung reaches out to him slowly, pulling him into his arms. sunghoon sobs against him, body shaking as heeseung's grip on him tightens. "it's okay, hoon-ah. . . i understand."

"no. . . it's not okay. it's not. jungwon. . . jungwon told me what happened with you last year, i didn't mean to do the same thing to you. i never meant to hurt you that way. i would never use you like that, i never did use you, i swear. i thought about you every time i stepped onto the ice. i hoped to see your face in the bleachers everyday, i wanted you to come visit, to watch me skate. i liked your presence, it made everything better, more tolerable. it made skating tolerable. i tried to steal my phone back so i could respond, so i could give you somewhat of an explanation, but i got caught every time. i'm so sorry, i never meant to do it. i didn't mean it, i would never use you. . . i. . . i love you, hyung. so much that i couldn't focus. i only won gold because i pictured every face in the crowd as yours, i imagined it was you, over a thousand heeseungs sitting in the bleachers watching me skate. that's the only reason i won. i won for you, hyung. i won because of you."

heeseung, despite trying to hold back, falters and the tears stream down his face, mirroring sunghoon's own tears. "it's okay, it's okay. i'm just happy to see you. i'm happy you didn't push me away. i was scared you would. i ran to the airport without thinking. my body just moved on its own. i just had to see you. at least one more time."

"i'm happy you came. you're the only face i wanted to see when i landed. thank you for coming, and for not giving up on me. i'm so sorry." 

"it's okay, i forgive you. i forgave you long ago."

sunghoon kisses him over and over again, and he watches the way heeseung's face lights up with joy, the way he leans into every touch sunghoon provides. they end up a tangled mess of limbs, fingers ghosting over each other's skin in silence. comfortable silence.

"can you say it again?"

"say what again?"

heeseung looks at him, a glint in his eyes. "that you love me."

sunghoon kisses him deeply this time, a different kind of want. the kind that shows much sunghoon needs heeseung in his life, that he wants him in his life. "i love you."

"thank fucking god!" jungwon's voice forces them apart, and both boys turn to find jay and jungwon's head sticking out from the door. sunghoon watches as heeseung searches blindly for a pillow and throws it in their direction. 

"get out!" 

"so are you guys together now?" jay asks, a hopeful look on his face that mirrors jungwon's.

"get out before i whip my dick out and traumatize you both." heeseung hisses and sunghoon laughs loudly, pulling heeseung back down onto the bed as the older starts to sit up. 

"hyung! we love you, please! you know we just want the best for you!" jungwon whines.

sunghoon looks at them for a moment before pulling heeseung closer and kissing the older. he makes sure to exaggerate the action, only pulling away once he hears jay gagging. "yes, we are together. i'm making the decision for both of us."

heeseung looks at him in shock, though it quickly dissolves into happiness and sunghoon welcomes him into another kiss, both forgetting about the two bodies standing by the door. 

"disgusting." jay grumbles, rolling his eyes with a disgusted look on his face as he pulls jungwon away from the door before closing it. 

"you're one to talk, mister maybe i want heeseung to hear." heeseung fires at him just as the door shuts, and jay shouts from the other side. sunghoon knows the other's face is red just from the smug look on heeseung's face. 

"shut up!"