Chapter Text
Even though, after today’s challenge, they were supposedly on good terms, Julia is fair aware that MK will eventually want to continue the conversation Zee interrupted. Since she began embracing her “villainous” nature, she didn’t give much thought about pretending to care about how her actions affected others. Hell, that’s exactly what she did for the past years of her life, and letting go of that persona was the most relieving thing she’s done her entire life.
Ironically enough, she found herself caring about how her actions affected MK. MK, the person who unveiled her true nature, the real Julia in the first place. And truth be told, she had no idea how to deal with it.
Now that she was comfortable with her real self, she was uncomfortable with showing any kind of vulnerability. After all, they all were in a competition, alliance or not, caring for someone you’ll eventually have to be up against only makes your work harder, also, the fact that MK was insanely smart and could use the information against her didn’t help either. She tried avoiding dealing with any more unnecessary feelings, by avoiding MK herself, which kind of only worsened things, but at least her heart wasn’t pounding out of her chest at all times.
So back to running it is, hiding in the confessional, behing buildings, by the dock. Why is she running? Well, she doesn’t even know. All she knows is that ever since she sabotaged MK in the cooking challenge, there is a hole in her stomach. Guilt. And that’s something she certainly wasn’t familiar with. Julia has done some awful things during her time on the island, like really awful, unforgiving things, and had no intention of stopping now. She accepted not too long ago that’s the strategy which works best for her, making everyone fear her, but she had to admit that, sometimes, it got lonely.
Well, at least until season 2, until her and MK started an alliance out of necessity. Sure, she didn’t exactly like MK at first, she always wore that ugly beanie and jacket that was totally out of style. She clearly didn’t intend to become besties with her, but she was underhanded and didn’t mind playing dirty, and Julia admired that about her. She was actually kind of worried at the start she might be forced into making an alliance with Priya or god forbid, Bowie, allying with MK seemed like a much less annoying option, and it certainly was. Being the only girls on their team, they got the cabin all to themselves, and suddenly, the loneliness was vanished entirely. Even if they had such different ways of living, they weirdly had really similar mindsets, and it felt really refreshing for Julia to feel understood by someone, because all her life all she did was pretending she understood others, something which comes with the pressure of being a golden child.
While Julia was aware, somewhere very deep in her mind they bonded, she didn’t bother to access that part of her psyche until MK foolishly pointed it out to her.
— “You do! You like me!” —
Honestly, she thought she was a much better liar, but when MK straight up asked her if she liked her, it’s like the words stuck down her throat. Julia wasn’t stupid, and she clearly wasn’t ignorant, she realised her feelings for MK were different than the others, but she certainly didn’t plan on getting all lovey dovey with her alliance partner right when things got harder, after all, she didn’t trust MK enough to be sure she won’t be stabbed in the back.
So her solution to solving her problem was, well, postponing it. She knew she would have to address it eventually, but she needed more time to understand why she feels so nervous and on edge whenever she was around. Especially now that MK’s figured out she’s avoiding her, which was expected, but Julia still hoped for the best. At times like this was when she most thought about what would have happened if Zee didn’t interrupt them, what would have changed.
With a sigh, Julia lightly thumped her head on the cafeteria table, while savouring some juice that probably had at least 10 carcinogenic substances in it. She lifted her head gradually, observing the clock ticking on the wall. It was 11 pm, so MK definitely wasn’t asleep. She had a habit of staying awake playing weird games on that ratty nintendo switch or something. Gaming. The side of internet she would never understand, why would people spend hours staring at screens with weird personas?
She bit on her straw as she realised she has been thinking of MK sitting in the cafetaria for the past hour, and damn she was glad the cameras were closed; what would the Julia stans think if they saw her gnawing on a straw incessantly for an hour? She clearly didn’t feel like the same person who yelled at a dinosaur and dominated the game last season. She had to step up her game.
“Um.. Julia, what exactly are you doing?”
Great, all she needed now was one of the hockey bros disturbing her peace. She tried to avoid them as much as she could, especially the one whose boyfriend she eliminated. She has nothing to gain from interacting with them, they’re way too slow to manipulate, so they’re practically useless meat.
“What about you mind your own business, go hang with your bff or something.” Julia brushes him off quickly, like she’d tell the opponent something about her personal life, hell, she couldn’t even talk about it with her so-called ally, or whatever their relationship was-.
“Chill, Wayne’s in the shower to get that.. fishy smell off, I just came here to get a drink” He says, slightly intimidated while opening the fridge.
Julia repeatedly hit her nails on the table, the reason she was here in the first place was that she didn’t think the cafetaria would be occupied at this hour (and also because it was chilly outside and hiding in the forest wasn’t an option), but still, she didn’t intend to sympathise with her fellow competitors.
“So why aren’t you in the dorms?” says Raj, sitting in front of her.
Julia rolls her eyes, why does he have to be so chatty?
“If you must know, I came here to get a drink, just like you did.”
“Yeahh, but you’re sitting alone in a cafetaria when we have a challenge tomorrow, where’s MK?”
“Do I look like a babysitter to you? How should I know?” says Julia, furrowing her eyebrows.
Raj rests his head in his palm and raises an eyebrow, looking straight at the blonde.
“What?!”
“Ohh,” mouths Raj, in a curious tone “you two fought.”
“Pfft, I don’t know where you got that from” Julia slightly grins at the statement and remembers that she didn’t intend on talking with him in the first place, and certainly not about her conflicts.
“Oh my, I’m right!”
“Don’t you think that’s enough prying already? Sho sho, one of the hockey bros, go away!” Julia clicks her tongue and gestures at him with her hands, hoping he’d get the message.
“All right, all right, I’m going”
“Ugh, it was about time.”
Raj rises from the table, tosses his juice box toward the bin, stretches, and opens the door leading outside, when a very unexpected someone shows up in front of him, looking like she was just going to twist the doorknob.
“Uhm, hi Raj, you’ve seen Julia ‘round here?” says MK, while looking up at him and rubbing the back of her head.
The second Julia heard MK’s voice she raised from her chair and hid behind the door, so MK can’t catch a glimpse of her sitting. All she hoped now is that Raj could keep his mouth shut, which is a really bad bet, since he isn’t exactly the brightest bulb in the chandelier, and proving him right about her and MK being in an argument also puts her in an unfortunate position.
Raj nervously looks around the room and notices Julia is now nowhere to be seen, and realises he was in fact right about them conflicting Julia was hiding from MK, but now, what to tell MK?
“Raj!” The brunette snaps her fingers in his face, which causes him to return back to reality, and be faced with an interesting decision. “I asked you something.”
“Uhm yeah, I didn’t see her since the elimination ceremony. You looking for her?”
“Well, yeah. It’s like the earth swallowed her whole.”
“Haha, yeah, I didn’t see her either..” Raj repeats himself. He didn’t like lying to people, it overstepped his morals, so he wasn’t good at either. On the other hand, now he was curious about what happened to make Julia shun from MK like that.
To both Julia and Raj’s dismay, MK may be a loner, but she’s observant and excels at playing with people’s minds, so she immediately notices if someone’s acting suspicious.
“Anything else you need?” says Raj, holding the door half shut. Yeah, now she was sure he was behaving strangely, he was obviously brushing her off.
“Nah-“ As soon as the brunette says the word, Raj rushes to close the door, until she blocks the door with her foot.
“Actually, since i’m here might as well grab a snack,” MK remarks, hands casually tucked into her pockets. While chips would be a satisfying reward after what she went through the past day, her gut keeps telling her Raj is hiding something—or someone. Yet, the puzzling part is why Julia would get Raj to cover for her of all people or why she’s so insistent on remaining hidden in the first place.
“NO!” Raj shouts, slightly panicking. “I mean- no, unless you want to see how Wayne’s performing his new ultra cool trick called “the naked owl”!
Looking him up and down, MK subtly curls her upper lip. She’s seen enough nudity with Ripper on the show, she definitely wasn’t ready to see another annoying man unclothed. However, she’s skeptical about whether Raj is being truthful. After all, Julia’s concealment can only last so long - she’s bound to come out sooner or later.
“You know what, I think I’ve suddenly lost my appetite,” MK declares, turning away and heading towards her cabin. Though she’s determined to uncover what’s going on with Julia, she also needs her rest, and she clearly wasn’t in the mood to tackle Raj for information that he could might as well not have.
Raj reluctantly watches her go and closes the door with a big sigh.
“Boy, I hate lying.-”
Behind him stands Julia, hands on her hips, and really curious on why Raj covered for her. “Why’d you do that?!” She shouts, demanding answers.
Raj jumps, startled and turns towards her. “Geez, you scared me!”
“Well, then answer me or I’ll show you scary.”
“Maybe I should call MK here.”
“Wow, you’re funny.” Julia retorts with heavy sarcasm. She remains indifferent to the fact Raj didn’t spill the beans to MK about her whereabouts. Good for her; Julia had no intention of returning the favor anytime soon, if ever.
“Well now you have to tell me what’s going on.”
“Pfft, says who?” Julia laughs, who does he think he is?
“Either tell me or tell MK.”
“Bowie’s influence is really rubbing off on you, huh? What’s next, cheating in challenges?” Julia smirks, that should get to him.
“First of all, don’t talk about Bowie as if he’s a bad influence-“
“Noo, he’s an angel!-“ Julia interrupts with an eyeroll.
Raj clears his throat and continues his monologue, slightly raising his tone to speak over the blonde: “-and second of all, I would NEVER cheat in challenges.”
“Well, you already did, not willingly though, sorry not sorry!”
“That’s only because stealing is second nature for your girlfriend.”
Julia gazes at him and gulps . Is that the impression they give off? Do they appear like they’re in a relationship? No, Julia reassures herself; he must be joking. Goodness, what was she even thinking?
“She’s not my girlfriend. Honestly, how much do you plan to keep bugging me for?” Julia rushes to change the subject. She was beyond sick of talking about MK, and she couldn’t understand why he couldn’t leave her alone anyway.
“Well i’ve gone too far with it to stop now.”
“Too bad I won’t tell you.”
“I’ll tell MK you are here.”
“How can you even do that without leaving the room?”
“I’ll scream really hard until somebody comes.”
“Wow, that doesn’t sound very efficient.”
“My buddy Wayne recognises my-“
Julia eagerly slams her hands on the table, cutting off Raj’s chatter. The prolonged conversation with him gave her a migraine, and she wasn’t looking forward to bearing his nonsense any longer. This urged her to do something she’s never done before– opening up to someone about her problems.
“Fine, geez,” Julia sighs and brushes her hair back “but after I tell you, you leave me the hell alone, all right?”
Raj nods in agreement, genuinely intrigued to discover what could disturb someone as typically unshakable as Julia, who often is the reason other people are distressed. In these moments, he mised Bowie the most, who would have taken pride in breaking through her tough exterior.
“Soo back in the cooking challenge, while you guys were away doing god knows what-”
“You mean when we milked that cool rhino?”
“Yeahh, I genuinely couldn’t care less. Anyway, MK was way ahead of us and I obviously used our remote to slow her down.”
“Ohh, and she got angry at you or something?”
“Well, no.” Julia mumbles, looking away and trying to recall her reaction. “At least it didn’t look like she’s got. The thing is that ever since I’ve done that, my guts feel all twisted and there’s a giant hole in my stomach.”
“So you’re feeling guilty.”
“Ugh, don’t make me say it out loud.”
“And your decision after this was simply avoiding her?”
“Well, yeah, sort of. Before today’s challenge she tried telling me something, but Zee distracted her and we just dropped it.”
“So why not carry on the conversation now, what’s that hard?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Sounds to me like you’re making it hard for yourself.”
“That’s so not true, and you didn’t let me finish!” Julia snaps, squinting her eyes at him.
“Okay then, carry on.” Raj gestures with his hand and slightly turns his head, as a sign he was listening.
“Before all of this happened we were looking for the immunity idol and we talked; I remember saying something about being glad she didn’t get eliminated..”
“Wow, so you’re not the spawn of Satan”
“I’m not, I’m much worse. Anyways, after that, she started teasing me or whatever..” Julia muttered, looking away.
“What do you mean by that?” says Raj, while raising an eyebrow.
Julia paused, only recalling that conversation gave her a strange feeling in her chest, but now she couldn’t step back out of this, might as well get it over with.
“She said something along the lines of ‘is it because you like me?’”
Raj raised his eyebrows thinking about it, it was strange enough that someone like Julia is getting white hairs over such an insignificant argument. If he was being honest, something felt out of place here, but he couldn’t quite brush his tongue on what yet.
“And what did you reply?”
“I didn’t get to reply, I mean, I tried to, but I basically spit out random words. and then she began teasing me even more.”
“So you freaked out?”
“I guess.” She groans. “and now I feel weird everytime I’m around her, it’s so pathetic.” Julia adds, while resting her forehead in her palm.
They shared a silent moment until Raj realized why Julia's behavior seemed bizzare. Feeling uneasy around MK, uncertain how to respond when confronted about her feelings, and avoiding her to prevent upsetting MK, it became evident – Julia had developed feelings for the thief, all without her awareness. Raj hadn’t anticipated their conversation taking such an unexpected turn.
“Damn, I thought you guys were at each other’s throat, but it’s more like you versus your own brain.”
“What is that even supposed to mean?”
“I dunno, sounds to me like you’ve just never had a crush before.”
Julia’s eyes widened at the statement. The idea of crushing on MK seemed almost impossible to her. Her dating history had been exclusively with men, though those relationships were more about boosting her popularity. The concept of romantic feelings for a woman, especially MK, felt unfamiliar and overwhelming. While acknowledging MK made her feel different, she simply didn’t feel comfortable contemplating whether her feelings were platonic or not. Not now, not here.
“Excuse me? Me? having a crush? Do i look like Ripper to you, did I put on some weight?” Julia replies sarcastically, pointing at herself.
“You’re human, crushes are normal, I don’t get why it’s such a big deal.”
“I’m not gay, Raj.”
“Are you homophobic?”
“I despise everyone equally, gay or not.”
“Except MK, it seems.” Raj smirks, making eye contact.
“What made you even think that?”
“I don’t know, panicking when she asked whether you like her or not kinda made it obvious.”
Julia opened her mouth to answer, but she didn’t even have a come-back for this, what could she reply to that, she herself didn’t know why she reacted like that, so, could she contradict him?
Her reluctance confirmed Raj’s theory, there had to be feelings involved. God, he wishes he had a phone to text Bowie about this right now.
“You know, I’ve been where you are.”
Raj attempts to speak, but is unexpectedly cut off by Wayne, who invites himself into the conversation. It seems like he just finished that shower, as he was standing with a towel around his head with that typical puppy smile on his face.
“Cool, Jules lives around us?” says Wayne, laying his arm playfully around his fellow bro. “Maybe we could all go hang after the show!” Meanwhile Julia could only imagine how badly would that go.
“Yeah, no thank you.” Julia stands up and rushes towards the door, already regretting her decision of telling Raj what’s on her mind. All she needed more was the hockey bros running around telling everyone she’s into MK.
“Wait, you should think about what I told you!” warns Raj, as Julia shuts the door behind her.
“Good night Jules!!” Wayne shouts, then continues his speech, “what did you two talk about?”
“Nothing much.”
——
As Julia walks away from the cafetaria, all she could think about was about the time, since there were high odds MK was still awake and, honestly, after her conversation with Raj, he wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye without being reminded of the whole thing.
However, she felt the need to lay down and rest. She needed her strength, and couldn’t let the current situation distrect her for what mattered most, the million dollar prize.
She got around the cabins to check the window, and luckily for her, the lights were closed, except for a small lamp light which illuminated the room, allowing her to get a glimpse of MK, sleeping with a hand hanging from the bed and holding her pink stuffed unicorn, with messy hair covering half of her face. Julia finds herself staring for much longer than she intended to. Now, not only her conversation with MK replayed in her head, but the one she had with Raj, too. Crushing on MK, how could he ever think that, jeez, he was even dumber than she thought.
After pondering her life choices, Julia decides it’s time for a break. Quietly returning to the front porch, she ensures not to disturb MK. Slowly turning the doorknob, she yawns and enters, closing the door with care. All she craves now is a peaceful night’s sleep.
Until the light suddenly opens, and MK standing right next to the switch, leaning on the wall, with a smug expression on her face.
“Found ya.”