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One moment, Rhydian was talking to Tom and Jimi on the edge of the field (an odd duo except when it came to their beloved football, and now that Rhydian was part of the team, he was considered ‘one of the boys’). The next, there was a hand clamping around his wrist, yanking him back. He yelped, turning to glare at Maddy – because who else would have the nerve? But she was unaffected by his glowering, continuing to drag him with her without any notice of their classmates staring and pointing at them, delighted by the show they were putting on. He looked over his shoulder, throwing Tom an apologetic look, but Tom only looked amused.
“What’s their deal anyway?” Jimi asked. By this point, Maddy was already pulling Rhydian through the school doors, but he heard the words loud and clear anyway thanks to his enhanced hearing.
“I couldn’t explain it if I tried,” was Tom’s dry answer.
Rhydian tuned the two of them out, focusing on Maddy instead and her unfaltering pace as she charged ahead. He quickly realized she was leading him to the darkroom, which meant that she probably needed to talk about something serious. With a pang of guilt, he realized it had been a couple of days since they had last properly talked. Had something happened? His brow furrowed as he wondered just how worried he should be.
The second they were inside the room, she let go of his wrist, turning around to lock the door. And then she turned to face him, her eyes watering. He inhaled sharply, stepping closer.
“Mads…?” he said, voice going hoarse at the sight of her tears. He grabbed her shoulders, gently rubbing small circles over her collarbone with his thumbs. “What’s going on? Why are you crying?”
She sniffed, aggressively wiping at her eyes before any tears could fall as she shook her head and pushed him back. “Stop it. You’re not supposed to be comforting me. I dragged you here to apologize.”
“Apologize?” he dumbly echoed. What did she have to apologize for?
“That’s why you’re avoiding me, aren’t you?” she said. She sounded desperate, but he wasn’t sure why. “Because you think you made the wrong choice? That you should have gone with Ceri?”
He gaped at her. She couldn’t be further from the truth. Every moment since Ceri left, he had felt lighter. Every moment spent with Maddy, he was more sure of his choice.
“Maddy, where’s this coming from?” he demanded.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Rhydian. I don’t want you to feel like I pressured you to stay. I was being selfish, only thinking about what I wanted.”
“Maddy,” he tried to cut in, but she apparently wasn’t having it since she clapped her hand over his mouth. His eyes widened, and he had no choice but to continue to listen to her rambling.
“When Ceri left and you stayed, I was so happy. But now it’s been two days, and you’ve barely spoken to me. It made me realize that maybe you’re not actually happy here. I mean, I know you don’t like all the restrictions my parents have, you just go along with them for me. I know you want to embrace the wild side of being a wolfblood more. So maybe you would be happier out there, in the wild, with your mom. Maybe you should be with your family, your pack–”
He had heard enough. With a slight growl, he firmly removed her hand from his face. “Shut up.”
Maddy froze.
“I want to be here, okay?” he said, frustration making his voice low. “You’re my pack. You’re more my family than Ceri is. So unless you kick me out, I’m not going anywhere. Can we please stop talking about this now? You have nothing to apologize for.”
However, instead of reassuring her, his words only seemed to make Maddy angry, because suddenly she was growling, too. She raised her chin, getting in his face as her finger came up to poke at his chest.
“I have nothing to apologize for?” she practically spat out, her eyes flashing yellow. “Then why are you avoiding me? I was going out of my mind thinking that I really hurt you, that you were unhappy and it was my fault. And you’re telling me now that you were just ignoring me for no reason? What’s your deal?!”
“That’s not what I’m saying! Would you just stop jumping to conclusions? Not everything is about you, Maddy!”
“If you don’t want me jumping to conclusions, then talk to me! Stop being a brooding arse and tell me what’s going on!”
This was getting out of control. The last thing they needed was to wolf out on each other, and Rhydian could tell that they were getting close. Both of them were breathing hard, their veins darkening. Maddy’s eyes were glowing, and he had no doubt his eyes were, too.
It was difficult to keep himself in check with Maddy. She was the person he got along best with, but he couldn’t remember if he had ever been so… alive around someone as he was with her, or the last time he cared enough to bother. Maddy made it so easy to care, and it scared him just how strongly he felt around her.
He stepped back, closing his eyes and forcing a calming breath into his lungs as he reined in his wolf. “I’m sorry, Maddy,” he said, opening his eyes only when he was sure they were back to normal. “I’ve just been in my head a bit lately, okay? It’s really not you.”
She blinked, apparently stunned at the sudden softness with which his admission came. Her eyes turned back to their normal earthy brown, the anger seeming to drain out of her. But she still held back, hurt. “You could talk to Tom and Shannon just fine. You’re even getting on with your new pal, Jimi.”
If only she knew. The truth was that Maddy was right. He had been avoiding her. All he wanted to do these last couple of days was talk to her. But he was afraid because he wanted to tell her everything. How could he even begin to explain what meeting Ceri had done to him?
If he avoided Maddy, then maybe he could avoid thinking about his mother. He could avoid reopening all of his old wounds any more than they had been this past week, and he could avoid pressing on the new bruises he was left with.
He was a mess, and Maddy shouldn’t have to deal with any of it.
But with her imploring gaze on him, her parted lips and furrowed brow, he knew he would give in. He was always going to give in to her. He had just been delaying the inevitable. Rhydian let out a heavy sigh, walking to the old couch and dropping down into it, leaning his head back to stare at the dim, orange-tinted ceiling lights. It would be easier, he thought, if he didn’t have to look at her while he said his piece.
“When Ceri was here,” he said, the words slow and hesitant, “she said some things about you.”
“What did she say?”
“That you’re tame, and that you’ve corrupted me.”
“And you think that’s true?” she cautiously asked. Her voice was devoid of any overt emotion, but he knew she was offended. “Is that it?”
His head snapped up, and he blinked rapidly at the dark spots that filled his vision from the lights. “No, of course not!”
“Oh,” Maddy said, frowning. “I mean, I heard her talking about us at Bernie’s. Mum and dad did explain that the wildbloods tend to look down on us and our lifestyle. I guess I sort of expected it.”
Rhydian shook his head, the same sense of defensiveness he had felt hearing his mother say those words flaring up inside him again. “I don’t care if you expected it. She shouldn’t have spoken about you like that.”
“Alright,” she said, speaking softly as if she were trying to soothe him. “But why did that mean you have to avoid me?”
He couldn’t meet her eyes, resolutely facing away. “I was ashamed. Not of you, of course, but of her. Maddy, she’s my mother. I can’t imagine what you think of me now.”
“Oh, Rhydian,” Maddy sighed.
She crossed the room until she was standing right in front of him between his legs, grabbing his face in both hands and making him look at her. It was strange, to be looking up at her for once, but with him seated on the low couch and her standing, it couldn’t be helped.
“I think it doesn’t matter,” she firmly said. Her hands were so warm on his face, and he suddenly felt overwhelmed, his vision blurring. “It doesn’t matter who your mother is, because you’re you, not your parents. When I look at you, all I see is your kindness, your protectiveness, your recklessness, your art, and that’s all you. Your mum doesn’t get any credit for the amazing person you are. And I will never think any less of you because of her.”
He sniffed, and he could feel tears rolling down his cheeks now, but Maddy didn’t let go of his face, her thumbs wiping them away.
“And if I had gone with her? Would you have thought less of me then?”
Maddy gingerly took a seat on his lap, bringing her face closer to his. The weight was comforting, grounding him in the moment, and his hands drifted to her waist, holding her tightly so she wouldn’t slip off, but mostly it was so he could feel even more anchored to her. “I would have been mad at you for a bit. And at Ceri for taking you away. But I think I would mostly be heartbroken, because more than anything, I would have missed you.”
The admission nearly broke his own heart. He couldn’t believe what he almost lost, what he almost left behind.
“If I left,” he said, “I probably would have run right back to you by the end of the week. I think you’re the only person who has ever cared for me as much as you do.”
“That’s not true,” Maddy insisted. “Ceri never meant to abandon you. She did care, even if she did a horrible job of expressing it.”
“Not as much as you do,” Rhydian said.
“Look, I don’t want to defend your mom,” she said. “But she did look for you. She came back for you. Doesn’t that count for something?”
He used to think it would. But it didn’t.
“There’s a part of me that just wanted her approval so badly, that wanted to be connected with her,” he said. His grip on Maddy’s waist tightened, and for a moment he wondered if he was hurting her, but she didn’t squirm away or tense up, so he kept holding on. It felt like it was the only way he could get through what he needed to say. “When I was younger, I used to dream that my parents would one day show up and save me from the shitty group homes. They would tell me it was all a mistake, that they really did love me and they had been looking for me, and that they had come to take me back. Of course when I got older, I realized it was just a stupid dream.”
“But it happened.”
“It happened, and it was a nightmare. Ceri… I couldn’t see any of myself in her. I don’t even have any memories of her. She’s just a stranger to me. And it kills me, because how could she come back and just pretend nothing happened?”
He didn’t know if he was making any sense. The words spilled out of him, one after another, so fast that they were practically tripping on each other to get out. This was why he had been avoiding Maddy, because he knew once she had him, everything would come to the surface. It had been easier to push his feelings down before Maddy had cornered him..
“I’m so sorry,” she muttered, her arms wrapping around his shoulders. “I’m so, so sorry.”
She didn’t offer any more platitudes, and it was a relief. His head dropped forward, landing in the crook of her neck, and he desperately inhaled her warm, familiar scent.
“You know what’s the real kicker? She still didn’t want me in the end,” Rhydian scoffed. “Not unless it was on her terms. I asked her to hang around so we could still see each other, and she just left. I thought…I thought she would attack me for a moment.”
“Why would you think that?”
“She…she started transforming when I told her I wouldn’t go with her. She was so mad. And then she leaped at me. But she went over my head and just ran off.”
A growl rumbled through Maddy, her arms around his shoulders tightening.
“Maddy, what’s wrong with me?” he mumbled. “Why didn’t she want me?”
“Nothing, nothing is wrong with you,” she immediately said, tone fierce and leaving no room for argument. “You deserved so much better. I wish you’d been placed here before, that we met before.”
He shuddered, practically heaving as he sucked air into his lungs. He must have been crying, because Maddy kept wiping at his face, but he felt so numb that he could hardly tell.
And then Maddy licked a stripe up his cheek, her tongue tracing from his jaw to the tip of his cheekbone right under his right eye.
It was a warm, wet feeling and so unexpected that it broke Rhydian out of his misery. He pulled back and stared at her, stunned. He should probably have been grossed out, but because it was Maddy, he wasn’t. Still, that didn’t mean he didn’t have questions.
“Uh…what was that?”
“That was me marking me territory,” Maddy said. Her cheeks were tinted red, but he couldn’t tell if that was because she was blushing or if her face was just blotchy from her earlier crying. “My mum used to do it when I was a cub. It means you’re mine, okay? You’re part of me pack. I want you here. You belong right here with me. So don’t…don’t think that there’s anything wrong with you. Because my choice is perfect.”
Rhydian couldn’t help the bark of laughter that broke out of him at that. It was a damp, broken sound, but he finally felt like he could breathe again. Trust Maddy to know exactly what would break him out of nearly having a panic attack. It helped that Maddy also lit up seeing that he was in better spirits.
“That’s so lame,” he said, fondly shaking his head. “Can I lick you back?”
She shrugged, looking down as if she was suddenly flustered. “Sure. It will probably be salty though, since I was crying before. You were salty, too.”
He didn’t care, moving forward to press his face against hers. Just as his tongue met her cheek, though, the door burst open.
“What the—“ Shannon half-shrieked, not bothering to conceal her disgust. Behind her, Tom looked like he was about to gag.
“Not on our couch, please ,” he said. Then he blinked, narrowing his eyes at them. “Were you two crying?”
Maddy quickly slid off Rhydian’s lap, but he didn’t want her to move too far away from him just yet, so he grabbed her hand, pulling her to sit beside him as he hastily wiped at his face.
“We were just talking about my mum,” Rhydian said, trying for levity and not quite meeting anyone’s eyes. “Maddy was just comforting me.”
“And that required you licking her?” Tom asked.
“I licked him, too!” Maddy defended, although Rhydian wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse.
But her adamance was adorable, and the whole situation must have been so confusing out of context that it was actually kind of hilarious, and he couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Maddy snorted, which turned into irrepressible snickers.
“You two are such weirdos,” Shannon said with an eyeroll, flopping down on the couch on Maddy’s other side. That only made Rhydian and Maddy laugh harder. It was contagious, and although still confused, even Tom and Shannon were grinning.
“Is everything okay, though, mate?” Tom asked when his laughter slowed. “Your mum just disappeared. Is she alright?”
The grim reminder cutting through him like a sharp knife, his expression falling.
“Tom!” Maddy snapped, and Tom raised his hands with a wince, backing away.
“It’s okay, Mads,” Rhydian said with a pat to her hand. Their friends were just worried, after all. They had no idea his mother was not really a vulnerable homeless woman but a wild wolfblood with a pack. He turned to Tom and Shannon, giving them a nod. “My mother doesn’t need me. She’ll be fine.”
Maddy huffed, crossing her arms. “As long as she doesn’t come back around sniffing after you, she will.”
Shannon seemed amused by this, letting out a chuckle. “Are you going to fight Rhydian’s mom for him?”
“I would.”
“You don’t have to,” Rhydian said, but despite his words, her protectiveness warmed him. “I told you, I’m not planning on following her anytime soon.”
“And what about you?” Tom asked, his eyes scanning Rhydian head to toe as if searching for signs of something amiss. “Are you okay?”
Rhydian pursed his lips, mulling over his answer. He looked around the room. He had football practice with Tom after classes were over today, and they would be studying for English together on Friday. He was helping Shannon with another beast hunt on the moors this weekend, and he was bringing her that vegan chocolate she and only she seemed to enjoy.
And there was Maddy. There was always Maddy with her quiet understanding and playful teasing and brilliant smiles. There was Maddy with her warm hugs and affectionate nature and endless kindness. There was Maddy with her fierce protectiveness and enduring strength and her heart on her sleeve. There was Maddy on full moons and dark moons, and Maddy everyday in between.
Tom had said he chose where he belonged, and if it was truly a choice, he would choose to belong with Maddy.
Besides, she had already staked her claim.
“I’m okay,” Rhydian said. Maddy intertwined her fingers with his, and he squeezed her hand just once, putting every word he couldn’t say out loud yet into that small gesture. “Even if I’m not right now, I will be. I have you guys.”