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At this mansion, Wallace could not believe how lucky he was. The mission to find the Kill Bill Kid had been a complete bust, but he had plenty of material for the podcast. Currently, Howard was immersed in telling a story of his. Wallace was utterly captivated and was sure to write as much down as he could. When he finished, Wallace decided to make a proposition.
“Howard, I couldn’t help but notice that you keep a lot of strange objects in here. What is the strangest thing you have in your collection?”
“The strangest, you say? Give me a few minutes and I’ll find it.”
Howard later returned with half of an arrow. It didn’t look too odd to Wallace, except for the pattern on its inside edge or how it had broken.
“The hell’s so strange about this?”, Wallace questioned.
“It wasn’t the object itself, no,” said Howard. “It was from whom I obtained it, yes. That’s the strange part.”
“Who was it? Tell me more.”
“It was an old woman with two right hands.”
“What?!?! That’s freaking crazy!!”
“It was the truth. There was a right one where her left hand would have been.”
“My God! Can I see it?” asked Wallace.
“Sure,” replied Howard. “Just be careful with it, as I’m sure the edge is very sharp.”
“Wow, this is so cool! The pattern is quite interesti— AHHHHHHHH!
GODDAMNIT THAT HURTS!”
“I told you it would be sharp!”
“Ah well, we all do stupid shit sometimes.”
“I suppose we do.”
“Say, I’m getting tired. I think I’ll go to sleep…”
“Very well then.”, but Howard was too late. Wallace had already passed out. Howard smiled maliciously to himself.
*The movie continues as usual up until the fight scene*
Wallace and Howard, each wearing his suit, stared down each other from opposite sides of the island in the middle of the enclave. Howard’s conditioning had succeeded; the man once known as Wallace Bryton had been fully physically and mentally transformed into a walrus. All he saw in front of him was another male walrus, and male walruses have been known to get very aggressive with each other.
As the two men dueled, Howard continued to taunt his opponent. The older man struck viciously with his tusks, forcing his opponent off the island and into the grimy water. As Wallace stared at the ceiling, one sentence continued pounding itself through his head.
“Your life as you know it is over, Mr. Bryton. So if you want to keep living, you’ll either be a walrus or nothing at all!”
A walrus… or nothing at all… nothing at all… nothing at all… nothing at all… nothing at all…
Nothing at all…
Nothing at all…
Nothing at all…
Something inside Wallace’s broken mind clicked. Immediately, he sank deep under the water. Howard peered over the edge and could vaguely discern shapes moving in the water.
Suddenly, he got knocked over by a massive body. It was Wallace, or was it? “Since when did he get so big?”, Howard asked himself.
Howard then looked up and saw something shocking.
It was Wallace. His hide was no longer a mismatch of human skin and bloody thread, but a rich, uniform, and well-shaded reddish brown. He also seemed to have grown significantly, now measuring almost nine feet long. But what was the most shocking was his tusks. They now had to be at least a yard long. Wallace no longer resembled the newest iteration of Howard’s twisted experiments, but a perfect specimen of Odobenus rosmarus.
To Howard, it shocked him to what little heart he had. Standing before him was none other than Mr. Tusk, the kind walrus who had rescued and cared for him all those years ago.
Overwhelmed by what he had just seen, Howard frantically apologized for the actions he had committed a decade and a half ago. Wallace was just as shocked as how Howard changed his mood so quickly. As he stared down at the apologetically blubbering man, a small part of Wallace thought to himself, “Should I spare him?”
Then every other part of Wallace realized something. Countless other people had died before he came along. He could have been another nameless face, another victim of Howard’s murderous rampage. If he couldn’t put an end to this, then who would?
With that thought, Wallace slammed his head down. He saw, heard, and felt his tusks find their target before letting the bloodlust consume him.
When he was done, Wallace, to his surprise and relief, found himself back in his human form, albeit completely nude. He gazed out onto the island. It was hard to believe that the mangled and bloody mess that was lying before him was a person. He faced what had been the man known as Howard Howe.
“Fuck around and find out,” Wallace said to the corpse before promptly vomiting everywhere and passing out.
When he woke up, Wallace was in his car, thankfully clothed. The voicemails had worked. Teddy and Ally had found him. Sure enough, they were there, along with another guy who Wallace swore looked like Captain Jack Sparrow. They drove in silence for a while, all clearly too shocked to even say anything. Finally, Teddy broke the silence.
“How did you turn yourself back into a human?”
“It’s a long story. I’ll explain it later.”
Finally, the quartet made it back to the recording studio. Wallace told the other three what had happened, from the interview, to Howard, to the suit, to the arrow, to the fight, to his transformation, to his victory. Wallace spared no detail as he revealed everything that happened at the mansion.
“Goddamn”, Teddy said. Ally was too shocked to say anything. Her boyfriend had just gone through so much that the only way to escape was to kill his captor.
The other man introduced himself as Guy Lapointe, an inspector for the Surete du Quebec. He was a different story entirely.
“Thank God you put an end to this madness. I’ve been hunting Howard for as long as I can remember. Someone had to do it eventually.”
Wallace was too overwhelmed by emotion to say anything. He had just gone through hell and back; all he had to prove was one murder to his name and a surprisingly cool ability.
Lapointe reassured Wallace. “Don’t worry, no charges will be pressed against you. You did what you had to, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
Wallace finally spoke up. “Before you leave, can I show you this ability I have? I must have gained it at the mansion. It was how I defeated Howard.”
“Sure. After all, that ability couldn’t possibly be the strangest thing I’ve experienced.”
“Alright then. I just need a lot of room, like 10 feet.” Teddy, Ally, and Guy all moved 10 feet away from Wallace. Wallace then lay down on the ground and lifted his upper body on his hands as if imitating a seal or, in this case, a walrus. He then began to glow with a bright blue light before seemingly growing bigger. After half a minute, he stopped and the glow faded.
Standing in front of the three was a real walrus. It was Wallace, of course. After giving them a few minutes to look at and admire his new form, the process reversed and he was back to being a human.
“Holy shit.”, all three said in unison.
“Ya like it?”, Wallace responded.
“I’m just happy you’re back!”, Ally shouted before running over to Wallace and embracing him. Teddy started clapping fiercely while Guy looked upon the couple with satisfaction.
“I must be going”, Guy said. “After all, there are others out there who need me.” He left the studio as the trio waved goodbye.
“Now what?” Teddy said. Wallace just smiled at his friend. “We’ve got an episode to record...”
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(A in water; E on land)