Archive of Our Own

“Did you hear?”

Remus, clutching his tea between his very sore hands and sinking low into his chair, looked over at the redhead who was thrumming her fingertips on the table. “Did I hear what?”

“About the new doctors,” she said. She drew one hand into her mouth, biting down on a nail before she realised what she was doing, and went back to the thrumming. “After we lost Prewett and Longbottom, they were desperate.”

Remus sighed, then shrugged. “Not entirely sure why it matters.” Remus Lupin was not in the very best of moods. His entire body was aching from head to toe. Diagnosed as a very young boy with Lupus, he’d fought his way into a career. One he wouldn’t have to quit or be sacked for missing so many days when his disease kept him poorly and bedridden. Going into healthcare seemed like the most logical option, really. So he became a nurse.

He’d been working in Surgical Obstetrics for ages, but had been transferred to Paediatrics. The only bonus to it was he was on the same shift as Lily Evans, a long-time friend and one of the few people who understood the rude, socially awkward person he was. Not that Remus had terrible bedside manner or anything, but he was unused to children, and apart from that, he was used to dealing with patients who were mostly under anaesthesia, and therefore required little chatting.

Now he was working with children. Children who were undergoing invasive treatments. Often long-term patients who were stuck in hospital miserable, in pain, and away from their families. He just wasn’t sure how to handle them.

It had been a solid week and so far he was ready to quit.

Lily, however, didn’t seem to notice his mood. She was more focused on the idea of new doctors coming round.

“I heard they’ve been out of the country,” she went on. She was fiddling with her tea cup now. “Africa or India or something. I bet they think they’re right bloody heros. Going to save the third world populations or something. I bet they’re a couple of white hippy blokes who smell like patchouli and say Namaste.”

Remus snorted into his tea, and shook his head. “I absolutely hope not. Jesus Christ, I don’t think I could take it. Gideon was bad enough with his bloody pulling any nurse who’d look at him twice.”

Lily blinked at him. “Didn’t you have a go with him?”

Remus shrugged. “Ages ago. I was young and impressionable.”

Lily snorted an undignified laugh and shook her head. “Three years ago. You’re such a fucking git, Remus.” She let out a sigh, then leant back in her chair. “Either way, I’m not looking forward to it. They always swagger on in here like they’re bloody god’s gift, thinking they can set their own rules. Always mucking about with the schedules of the patients, getting everyone all railed up. Fucking Christ help me if they’re old men. I won’t be able to take it. Sweet Persephone send me a woman.”

Remus smiled to himself as he listened to her rant. “So long as they don’t mess with my schedule or ask too many questions about my time off, I don’t sodding care.”

“You’re too easy to please, Lupin. For a grumpy old bastard, you’ve no real standards.”

He flashed her two fingers as she got up and pushed her chair back in. “Your break is over, you know.”

“Yes well, I’ve not got charts or rounds for the next twenty minutes, so I’m taking a bit longer. Bloody sue me.”

She winked at him. “Go on then. Have a chocolate bar, it’ll make you feel better.”

***

Working at St Mungo’s was a different experience. It was a private hospital, really there for the small percentage who could afford it. And it wasn’t a great feeling for Remus or Lily, but the pay was nice and so were the flexible hours.

Working in the paediatric ward also reminded them that rich or not, children were ill. The morning the new doctors were to begin, their ward got two new patients. A young girl of barely seven who suffered from Cystic Fibrosis and was waiting on her double lung transplant, and another girl—this one really getting to Remus—who was thirteen and having complications from her Lupus. She was admitted after a third pneumonia infection, and currently on rounds of antibiotics and medications to control her blood pressure which—he and Lily had been informed—kept dropping and the other hospital couldn’t work out why.

They’d just got done with medication rounds and were waiting for the morning meals to be delivered when there was a slight commotion. One of the other nurses nearby tittered a laugh. “Oh they’re here.”

Lily rolled her eyes, turning away from the rest of the staff who had been gathered for the little meet and greet by McGonagall who supervised the ward. Remus let out a small snicker at her attitude, sliding up next to her with a mug of tea in his hands.

“You know, if you just get it over with…”

“Shut your gob, Lupin,” Lily said. “There’s no way I’m going to…” But she stopped speaking as she turned, right when the two doctors walked in.

At first Remus thought Lily had lost her voice because they were good looking. Which they were. Bloody hell the shorter one should have been some sort of celebrity or model with those cheekbones. He had longish hair, feathered round his shoulders, a pouting mouth, and narrowed eyes which were a fantastic shade of grey.

The other was much taller, a shock of messy black hair, dark skin, and a grin which looked like it could light a room. They carried with them the arrogance of most doctors, the ones with the god complexes who found most everything to be nothing more than a great laugh.

But then Lily whispered, “Bloody Potter and Black,” and Remus knew there was something else happening here.

“Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to our newest residents. Dr James Potter,” the Indian bloke gave a small wave, his grin going wider. “And Dr Sirius Black. Both are paediatric surgeons, and have been out of the country for a few years. We’re very excited to welcome them back.” McGonagall didn’t actually sound overly excited at all, but she was so stodgy it was difficult to tell.

“Thank you,” James said to the lukewarm welcome from the other nurses. He was getting an appreciative eye from a few, but mostly everyone was tired and anxious to get back to work. “Hopefully we’ll find a nice cosy home here at St Mungo’s. Dr Black, would you like to add anything?”

At that, Sirius Black grinned, and Remus couldn’t help but feel a slight flutter in his chest at how utterly gorgeous this man was. “You know them?” he hissed to Lily who still looked murderous.

“Unfortunately. I was at school with them. I had no idea they’d become bloody doctors. Buggering fuck. Maybe they won’t recognise me. Maybe they…”

“Oh my god is that Evans?” Potter’s voice rang out as the meeting disbursed, and Lily let out a huge groan. The two doctors started making their way over before Lily could escape. “Am I hallucinating?”

“No, but I’m hoping I am,” Lily bit, clutching her tea tight between her fingers. “Maybe I’ve caught something from one of the kids and this is just a god-awful fever-induced nightmare.”

Grinning, Potter winked. “Witty as ever.”

“Bollocks,” Lily breathed.

“And who’s your friend?” the second doctor asked, giving Remus a too-slow once over.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Keep it in your fucking pants, Black. No one here is interested.”

Paying her no mind at all, Black leant forward to get a glimpse of Remus’ badge. “Lupin. Nurse, I see.”

Remus lifted a challenging eyebrow at him. He’d often been questioned on his profession. Why a nurse? Why not a doctor? Are you still at University? Do you want to become a doctor some day?

“You know what, I can’t lower myself. Remus, I’ll see you in a bit.” With that, Lily stormed away, leaving Remus stood with the two doctors who looked almost as though they expected it.

“Hasn’t changed a bit, has she?” Potter said, leaning back on his heels a bit. “She ever mention me…what was it, Lupin?”

“Er no. Well, not until about five minutes ago when you both walked in. Then it was just a load of swearing and cursing her bad luck. You must have been dreadful.”

Black snickered, getting a little closer to Remus. “Jamie was. I was a delight.”

Potter snorted. “A delight, oh what a word for what you were. She was a strong one though, most of them couldn’t resist my charms.”

Remus quirked an eyebrow. “Are you telling me you tried to go out with her?”

Potter seemed almost offended. “Well…yes. All through sixth form. I swore one day the universe would throw us together though, and look here we are.”

Black coughed, sounding suspiciously like a laugh. “Right, here we are. I can’t wait for this disaster to resume.” With that, he threw an arm round Remus’ shoulders. “Anywhere I can get a decent coffee?”

***

Remus became the unofficial, official tour guide for the afternoon. He got a bare-bones recap of what the two surgeons had been up to—working in India mostly at a Children’s hospital there. They’d been doing that for the last five years, and had come back for an unexplained reason.

Remus learnt two things about Black and Potter as he showed them through the ward. The first—they were like the children they were treating. Easily distracted by shiny objects, constantly rowing with each other over the most ridiculous things, constantly toying with objects that weren’t toys at all, and difficult to keep focused.

The second—they had a reputation of being brilliant, and they let it get to their heads. When Remus talked about the last surgeons, both Black and Potter scoffed and boasted for what felt like ages and ages about their remarkable skills. It was exhausting after a while, and the moment Remus could, he took his leave of them.

His day went the same as usual. He sorted out medications for the patients, checked vitals, assisted in getting patients to and from their beds. There were no surgeries scheduled, so he mainly kept to monitoring. The Lupus patient especially, as she was the most critical there at the time.

Potter and Black disappeared into their respective offices except when they were introducing themselves to patients, and Lily seemed to skilfully avoid them. All in all, the afternoon was peaceful enough.

Until it wasn’t.

Remus was drawn from his tea-making by the sound of Lily’s voice coursing down the corridor. “…and you think you can just come in here in disrupt a routine that exists for a reason you bloody toerag…”

“Calm down, Evans,” Potter said, holding up his hands. “I just…”

“No! Just because you’re a bloody surgeon doesn’t make you the god of the ward! Things like this are on a schedule because I don’t have time to make changes. This is not my only patient and just because her medication and feeding can be delayed a little while doesn’t mean anyone else’s can.”

“She’s scared,” Potter said, crossing his arms. “I was just trying to relax her.”

“Of course she’s bloody scared. She’s six! And she’s in a place alone without her parents. And you’re going to be here for all of an hour before she’s left sat on that bed alone again. And I have to look at her face all bloody day knowing you got her hopes up she won’t be alone. Knowing you got her hopes up that the next time it’s not going to hurt! Or that she can just say no to this one. Or that she can just whinge until you come running except you won’t be here to rescue her. Because you will be off on some holiday and I’ll be here sorting out the mess you made. You’ve always been a fucking child and I don’t know why I thought for even half a second you’d changed.”

Potter was left stood in the corridor as Lily ran off, and Remus quickly walked over. “Er? Should I ask?”

Potter looked thoroughly confused. “I just…offered to delay the CF patient’s GI tube feeding for an hour.”

“Oh.” Remus rubbed at his eyes and sighed. “You shouldn’t have.”

“It wouldn’t hurt her,” Potter insisted. “Evans thinks I’m a complete berk but I do actually know what I’m doing.”

Remus looked at him for a long time. “I’m sure you do. But the thing is, she’s right. You aren’t here most of the time. You come and go, and we’re left with the ugly side of things. When they’re screaming in pain, or crying for their parents who can’t be here. Or scared because they might actually die. You show up, pop a smile on your face, make them laugh, and leave. And Lily knows deep down what you do for these kids. You’re here to help save them. But you don’t see how messy it gets when you walk out those doors and it’s just us.”

Potter closed his eyes and breathed in through his nose. “It’s easy to forget. It is. But if you think I don’t know…” He stopped. “I do know, believe me. And I’m not a flake. It’s my first day and I don’t plan to just slide in and out when it’s convenient for me.”

“So show her that,” Remus said with a shrug. “Eventually she’ll come round.”

***

Leaving for the night, Remus had his keys clenched tight in his hand as he pushed through the back exit door. He was stepping onto the pavement when he got a whiff of heavy smoke, and turned to see Black lounging against the wall. He was no longer in his scrubs, now in jeans, a heavy leather jacket, and motorbike boots. He gave Remus a wide grin and beckoned him over with a flick of his head.

“You smoke?”

Remus shook his head. “Ah. No. I heard that stuff kills.”

Sirius let out a small snort, the side of his mouth quirking as he took another drag. “Lies and slander. Honestly I shouldn’t, but the last couple years I got hooked. Cutting back, though.”

Remus shifted, not sure he should stay and chat to a person Lily had marked as one of her enemies, but it was hard to resist the pull of those grey eyes watching him. Watching him like he might actually find Remus a bit attractive. “Good for you, mate. Tried the patch?”

“No good. I’m too stubborn.” He took in a long drag, tilting his head back as he released the smoke. “Evans head off, yet?”

Remus nodded. “About fifteen minutes ago. Claimed she couldn’t take the stupidity.”

Letting out a bark of a laugh, Sirius shifted away from the wall, moving closer to Remus. “She really hasn’t changed at all. Poor Jamie.”

Remus lifted a brow. “He really did fancy her, then?”

“I can’t believe she never mentioned. That git made a fool of himself nearly every day for three bloody years. He was mad for her.”

Remus reached up, running his hand through his curls. “And she never gave him a chance?”

“I think she considered it, right at the end, but Jamie was er…” Sirius hesitated. “Well it’s a long story really. Let’s just say he was unavailable and I think Lily took it a bit personal. You should ask her about it. You two seem close.” Sirius winked, and Remus shook his head quickly.

“Oh er no. Not that close. We flatshared at Uni, same nursing programme. She helped me out when I was dealing with some health issues. Got me the job here, actually.”

“Good woman.” Sirius dropped the cigarette on the ground and crushed it with the heel of his boot. “And you were never interested?”

Remus felt his cheeks go hot. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of not being straight. And he’d gone out with girls plenty, but it was hard to tell the gorgeous man stood in front of him that he’d much prefer what he was looking at now. “She’s not entirely my type,” is what he went with instead.

Sirius’ grin widened. “I see. Well anyway, I’m sure she’ll be happy to give you the whole, sordid tale. Thanks for not being a git about the whole thing, though. I heard the row. James wasn’t trying to…”

“I know,” Remus said in a hurry. “I know he meant well.”

The grin softened a bit, and Sirius extended his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Lupin. Formally.”

“Remus,” he corrected as he closed his large hand round the long, slender fingers.

“Then Sirius for me, if you’d like.”

Remus felt his smile widen a bit. He wanted to dislike this mostly childish, obnoxious Doctor. He really did, but with that grin, and the slight dimple in his left cheek, he couldn’t help it. Lily might hate him for it, but he just couldn’t care.

“Well, Sirius,” Remus said, trying the name in his mouth and liking it very much, “see you tomorrow.”

***

If Remus had assumed he would be less exasperated because Sirius talked to him like a human being, and might have even chatted him up a little bit, he would have been very wrong indeed. Because James and Sirius were exhausting. During the week they had managed to upset meal times, played several—they claimed harmless—pranks on the staff. Brought in guitars to serenade the patients—and mostly Lily until she locked herself in the toilet and refused to come out until James shut the bloody hell up, and insisted some of the older patients could ignore their scheduled lights out.

Remus, of course, had to take note that many of the children seemed happier. And that as James insisted, he and Sirius were actually there. Unlike many of the other doctors and surgeons who only showed up when needed, and only half on time. James and Sirius treated the paediatric ward like it was their home.

Even if they did get into wheelchair races down the corridors whilst the children cheered them on and took bets with sweets—and even if they filled up rubber gloves with water, poked holes in the fingers with pins, and doused the nurses as they walked by to the delight of many, round, young faces.

Remus could be annoyed, and yet appreciative that the paediatric ward was becoming more pleasant than it had been.

His only real concern was one—the young girl with cystic fibrosis’ operation was coming up. They’d found her a donor, but it was risky. Her body had been shutting down, refusing to absorb any nutrients, even with the GI tube. She was weak, and her vitals low. Her breathing was machine-assisted at all times now, and everyone was worried.

She really was such a pleasant girl. She was called Delilah, with a mop of black curls the nurses couldn’t help but brush and plait. She had the softest voice, and made up fantastic stories about magical beasts who lived in a forest near a massive castle.

“…and would it have magical people there?” Remus heard a voice ask as he went on his way to administer her nightly dose of antibiotics.

“Yes,” came the raspy, small voice in return. “Lots. It would be a big castle where they would go to learn about magic. And even if you had magic but didn’t have magic parents, you could go there.”

There was a soft chuckle. “And what would you learn?”

“Erm…” Another soft giggle. “How to ride Unicorns. And how to fly on brooms. And how to turn tea cups into mice.”

“That sounds fantastic, you know.”

Remus walked in to find Sirius sat on the bed with Delilah between his legs. He was giving her a plait down her back, and Remus was impressed that it was turning out so neat and tidy. “Hi Moony,” Delilah said, using the nickname several of the children started to call him for reasons he couldn’t know, but didn’t care. It was sweet.

“Meds time, love,” Remus said. “Last dose before tomorrow. Are you excited?”

She nodded, scratching at the tubes pressed against her nose. “Mummy’s going to come and see me after. And I might get to go home.”

Sirius finished the plait, twisting the band round the end, then slipped off so Remus could get to the port which was just under the skin on her chest. “Well I’ll have you know Dr Prongs is very excited to do this. You know this is the fifteenth lung transplant he’s done, and he said they’re his most favourite in the whole world.”

She blinked up, doe eyes wide. “Really? Fifteen? Fifteen kids got new lungs?”

“They did. And I bet you can’t wait to jump and play as soon as you’re healed up.”

“I want to learn to skip rope,” she said decidedly. She winced a bit as the medication burned its way in, but she was so used to it, it was hardly a passing thought. “Nurse Moony, can you skip rope?”

“Oh I haven’t in ages,” Remus said with a smile. “But maybe when you’re better you can come back and teach me?”

“I think I’ll be good at it.” She yawned and laid back against her pillows. “Will you miss me when I’m gone?”

“Of course,” Remus said. He smoothed out her hair and tucked her blankets up over her waist. “But I’ll be glad of you not being in hospital anymore, you know.”

She yawned again, her eyes drooping. “Will you…will you tell more stories about the magic castle though? So other kids can hear it too?”

“We both will,” Sirius vowed. “Now get good sleep. Dr Prongs will see you in the morning, okay?”

She nodded, and just as Remus was flicking off her main lights, she was out. He followed Sirius to the small counter and flicked on a kettle. “What are her chances, really?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius admitted. “I’d like to say good. She’s young, but she’s been ill for a long time and I’m not sure if her body will recover.”

Remus felt his stomach sink, and he recalled what it was like as a child. How many times had he been told when he was coming into a long hospital stay that his chances were grim? His system was shot, his body was tired. It was only a matter of time.

He took a shaking breath, then said, “I think she’s a fighter.”

Sirius nodded. “She is.” Checking his watch, he sighed. “I’ve got to do my final rounds. See you before I leave?”

“Reckon so. I’m out a bit early tonight as McGonagall asked me to cover a shift in the morning. You assisting in surgery?”

“Yeah.” Sirius winked. “See you, Moony.”

Remus just laughed, finishing making his tea, then moved into the staff room where he found Lily sat at a table. She looked miserable, tired a bit, and he slid near her.

“You like him, don’t you,” she grumbled.

Remus lifted an eyebrow. “Who?”

“Black. And Potter. You traitor.”

Remus laughed. “They’re obnoxious, but they’re not so bad, you know.”

She scrubbed her face and groaned loudly. “I know. I bloody…” She huffed and leant back, crossing her arms. “He wasn’t so bad before I left school either. I went to…” She stopped and looked round to make sure no one was nearby. “He was being sweet to me, a month before we took our exams. Marlene told me I ought to just give in. At least try the date out, you know? So I thought, alright, why not. He’s been after me for ages. Only I went to the common room to tell him that, where I caught him snogging my mate. Former mate, I should say.”

Remus lifted a brow. “Former mate?”

“We didn’t keep in touch after that,” Lily admitted. “Last I heard, she and Potter got married and…dunno, had some kids or something.”

Remus frowned. “He’s never mentioned wife or kids.”

“Yeah well, not my business.”

“So you’re bitter because he seemed alright, but by the time you made up your mind, it was too late?” he pressed.

“Yes, and if you try to be the voice of reason as to why I shouldn’t be cross, I will punch you.”

Remus laughed, reaching out to squeeze her wrist. “I’d do no such thing, love. But he still seems interested. Maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible to give it another go? Or at least get a little friendly with him.”

Lily glared. “Just get a little friendly with him?”

“I’m only saying it might not end poorly for you a second time.” Remus finished the last of his tea, then left her to her thoughts.

***

Remus arrived the next day just as Delilah was being wheeled back into surgery. She was already half gone to the drugs they’d given her, so he hadn’t a chance to wish her good luck. Or, as his mind morbidly thought, wished her goodbye. Just in case. He’d learnt his lesson about pretending things would always be okay when he was in hospital with others like him. When he’d say, “See you later,” but there was no later, and it felt like a lie.

He went about his morning routine, exhausted but his nerves kept him from being too caught up in his fatigue. Every so often he’d watch the clock, but he knew this sort of thing would take hours. He kept waiting for the beep, letting the whole staff know there was a patient coding.

It didn’t come.

Remus found himself in Lori’s room. She was thirteen, still battling her pneumonia, but was becoming gradually more aware of her surroundings by the day. He gave her a little smile as he leant near a chair.

“Morning. I wanted to see if you needed anything?”

She swallowed, shifting a little, and said, “Can I get my iPod? Dunno if my mum left it. But I’d like to listen.”

Remus nodded, then quickly went about looking through her things, but there was none available. Asking her to wait, he went round to the nurses, and eventually found one who had a decent amount of songs. Taking it back, he handed it over. “Not sure anything you’d like is on there. We’re all old, I’m afraid. And uncool. But there might be something.”

Her weak hand flicked through the playlist and smiled. “This is perfect. Thanks.”

He nodded, then sat down at her bedside. “How are you feeling? Besides the obvious.”

She let out a small laugh. “Besides like complete shit? Well, I guess I’ve felt worse. Had lesions on my kidneys and that was dreadful.”

Remus winced. “I’ve them as well. They don’t flare too much but every now and again…”

Her eyes went a bit wide. “You have them?”

“Same as you. Same disease.” He lifted up the long sleeve he wore under his scrubs to reveal a patchy bit of his arm where he currently had a smattering of welts. “Been a bit stressed, bit overworked. Having a flare, but it seems mild.”

She coughed a little, shivering at her fever, but she shifted up a bit. “You ever had pneumonia like this?”

Remus nodded. “I have. Not as much lately. Got a particularly stubborn case of it about nine years ago, after a surgery. Was in hospital for nearly a month.”

She let out a small sigh. “Going on six weeks for me. They can’t seem to get ahead of it.”

His expression fell. “I know. But you know those two new doctors. Brilliant lads, they are. I don’t know them well, but so far I’m impressed.”

She grinned. “Impressed, yeah. That’s a good word. And that Dr Black is very fit.”

Remus felt his cheeks flush. “Is he?”

“Yes. And I think he’s hoping you might notice.” She stopped and then said, “I totally ship you two.”

Remus blinked. “Ship us?”

“You know like…I want you two to get together. Like a couple. I mean, it’s clear you want it. And him as well.”

Remus coughed, shaking his head. “He doesn’t fancy me.”

“He does. Trust me, I can tell. I have a tumblr. You’re my hospital OTP.” She winced again and settled back down. “Mind if I erm…”

Shaking his head fondly at half the words he didn’t understand, he gave her arm a pat. “No, go on. I’ll come back in a little while with your next dose. Just buzz me if you need anything.”

He was half out the door when she called out, “Thanks. For this.”

Remus grinned and winked as he went about the rest of his day.

***

Delilah was out of surgery just as noon came round. James and Sirius came out, looking exhausted but vaguely pleased. Delilah would be moved to the ICU ward, and if all went well, a separate rehab facility whilst her body would get used to the new lungs.

Remus felt a weight lifted off him for the rest of the day.

After a few days off to recover from his flare, Remus returned to work and found Lily sat in the staff room with a cup of tea. “I’m on in fifteen,” she said, a book out in front of her. “Same shift tonight?”

Remus nodded. “Think so. How’d things go the last few?”

Lily shrugged. “I might have exchanged a few words with Potter that didn’t end in you stupid toerag, or you bloody git.”

Remus felt his smile quirk up. “Well that’s…good, isn’t it?”

“Sod off,” she muttered, but she was smiling.

Remus wandered off, a bit early, but wanted to check on the lupus patient. He was somewhat startled to see Sirius in there already, sat in a chair with one of his feet cocked up on the side of her bed. He had a book on his lap, and was reading aloud from it.

When Remus backed up so as not to disturb, Sirius called him back. “Oy! We were talking about you early.”

Remus quirked a brow and grinned back at Lori who sat up a little. “Oh? Only good things, I hope.”

Lori looked rather pleased, which worried Remus, especially at the knowing look in Sirius’ eye. “Of course,” she said, her voice hoarse. “Just hoping you were alright. Didn’t want to get a sudden roommate if you were poorly.”

Remus smiled softly as he stepped all the way in. “I’m feeling much better. What are you two reading?”

“Sookie Stackhouse novels. She’s torturing me,” Sirius complained. “It’s complete rubbish.”

Lori giggled hard, turning into a cough as she turned onto her side, waving her hand. “They are,” she gasped. “They’re the worst, but that’s what makes them so good. I already looked them up on the internet so I could see what happens at the end. Just in case.”

Remus winced inwardly, but smiled in spite of it. “And? Are you pleased by how it turns out?”

“Yes. But I refuse to tell Dr Padfoot here.”

“Padfoot?” Remus questioned.

“Yes Nurse Moony,” Sirius countered with a wink. “And I want to know who this bloody psychic…”

“Telepath,” Lori corrected.

“Oh whatever.” He laughed. “Who she ends up with. This bizarre, pink tights wearing sod, or the barmy vampire called Bill. And who sodding calls a vampire Bill?”

“Americans,” Lori said decidedly. She shifted over. “Come on, join us. You’ve not got anything to do, right?”

Remus glanced at the clock and decided he wouldn’t mind spending his free ten minutes listening to Sirius’ lovely voice curve round the horridly written, but disturbingly captivating, text. It became a bit of a habit then, for the rest of that week, and during every one of his shift days, anyone could find Remus, Sirius, and Lori sat on her bed reading through the series.

***

Remus walked into the staff room Friday evening to find James and Lily chatting very quietly in the corner. He smiled to himself as he flicked on the kettle, and startled when James called him over. “Oy! Lupin! Can you give me a second?”

Remus nodded, but waited until the water was done and steeping his tea before walking over. “Alright, Potter?”

“James,” he corrected. “Or Prongs, if you want to jump in with the kids. Why’s it we’ve all got barmy names but this one?” He nodded to Lily who was grinning.

“She’s already called a flower,” Remus said with a shrug.

“No excuses.” James was smiling, which meant—Remus assumed—Lily was being nice to him. “So Lily says she can’t go out to the pub unless you go with her. It’s one of your rules. That true?”

Lily gave him a withering look, and to humour her, Remus nodded. “I’m afraid so. I’m very protective.”

“But you’re not shagging?”

Remus choked on his sip of tea, and swiped his mouth. “Er. No. We’re not.”

“Alright,” James said slowly. “So will you come out for a drink tonight?”

“Er…”

“Sirius will be very pleased,” James added knowingly.

Remus felt his face go hot. He hadn’t spent a lot of personal time with Sirius outside of the nightly readings with the lupus patient. It had been nice though. Sirius would do the American accents, like Scarlet O’Hara and Beauregard, which he was actually decent at. It made both Remus and Lori laugh, even when the plot was cringe-worthy ridiculous.

“I ship Sookie and Quinn,” Lori mumbled, sleepy and a bit drugged. “They’re my OTP.”

“Ship? OTP? What the bloody hell does that even mean? You teenagers and your weird slang,” Sirius whinged. Remus flushed, recalling his last conversation with Lori about shipping.

“Means you know…that I want them to be together. I relationship them. Together. OTP—my one true pairing. Sookie and Quinn, you and…”

Remus coughed loudly, interrupting her. “Sookie and Quinn?”

Sirius blinked, then looked at Remus. “Sookie and Quinn? The bloody bald weretiger. Lori no. No. I need to perform surgery on you to return your sense of reason, lass!”

She snickered. “He sounds fit. And dreamy.”

“You’re mad. Mad when she could have Alcide. Listen, I looked this up alright, and there’s a show and he’s bloody gorgeous, that Alcide.”

“The both of you are mad. Clearly she belongs with Sam. He loves her,” Remus said quietly.

Lori looked at him with a raised brow. “Why d’you think that?”

“Because it makes sense. Because he’s sweet.” Remus blushed. “Not that I care at all what happens to any of these characters.”

Both Sirius and Lori rolled their eyes. “You’re into it. Just admit it,” Sirius demanded.

“Never,” Remus said, but he was grinning. And when Sirius winked at him, his heart did a pitter patter in his chest.

“Tomorrow I’m bringing popcorn,” Sirius declared just before Remus had to go do his rounds. “Show up early, Lupin. We’re getting to the end of book six.”

Snapping back to the present, Remus looked at James. “Tonight?”

“I know a place open late. For working sods like us. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

Remus looked at Lily who, behind her hard green eyes he saw she was eager. With a small grin, he shrugged. “Yeah, alright. Why not?”

James’ grin widened and he clapped him on the shoulder. “Good man, Moony. Knew I liked you. Now fuck off back to work, yeah?”

Remus rolled his eyes, but finished his tea and did as he was told.

***

“Ask him if he’s married.”

Remus blinked, then glanced up to the bar where Sirius and James were getting a second round of pints. “Sorry?”

“I said,” Lily breathed, “ask him if he’s married. James,” she clarified. “I can’t.”

Remus let out a sigh. “Lily…”

“I’ll ask Sirius if he’s bent.”

“Christ.” Remus rubbed his face. “And if he is married?”

“We finish our pints and leave,” she said with a shrug. “He’s been well…nice. Lately. And I’m considering a date, but I need to know he’s not a bloody cheater.”

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but the pair of doctors returned to the table and slid the pints across. “James,” Remus said, and ignored a kick to his ankle from Lily, “are you married?”

“I didn’t mean for you to just blurt it out, you twat!” Lily admonished whilst James choked a bit.

He swiped his hand across his mouth as he chuckled. “Are you asking for yourself, Moony? Because I think you’re a top bloke, really. Very fit. But I haven’t dated a man in years. Not since I was sixteen.”

Lily’s eyes widened. “I knew it! You two, wasn’t it?”

Sirius shrugged, grinning as he leant back in his chair, just a fraction toward Remus. “What can I say, he couldn’t resist me.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “And you stayed bent, then?”

Sirius nodded. “I’m afraid so. I hope I haven’t broken your heart, my ginger blossom.”

“Get over yourself,” Lily replied. But she was smiling again.

“Still didn’t answer my question,” Remus said. “Prongs.”

James stared at him, then shook his head. “I’m not. Divorced.”

An uncomfortable silence settled over the table before Lily blurted, “Was it Mary?”

James took a long drink before leaning his arms on the table, crossed in front of him, and meeting her eye. “Yes it was. It was…” He stopped, his face screwed up like he was thinking. “She was pregnant.”

Lily, who was taking a drink, choked a bit. “Pregnant? At school?”

James nodded. “We’d only you know…the one time. Right after exams. We didn’t tell anyone, and mum and dad said they’d support us whatever we wanted to do. I told Mary I didn’t love her, but she didn’t seem to mind. When Elisabeth was born I was well…concerned.”

Lily and Remus both frowned. “She wasn’t well?” Lily asked.

“She wasn’t Indian.” James glanced at Sirius who was deliberately looking away. “I didn’t say anything straight away. I mean, mixed parents, who knows. My dad’s English, not Indian, so I thought maybe it was his genes? But Mary was ambiguous about the whole thing. When Elisabeth was six, I came home and found Mary with someone else.”

“Shit,” Lily breathed.

James smiled, but it was a tense one. “We decided on a divorce, no fuss about it. Until we got to the hearing and Mary’s attorney informed me I’d be participating in a DNA swab. I knew then what the turn out would be, but I didn’t think she’d…” He stopped and took a breath. “They allowed me some visitation. One weekend a month, but Mary had full legal custody. She got married seven months later and her new husband adopted Elisabeth and my visitation ended.”

“Jesus, that bloody bitch. I knew I stopped being her friend for a reason,” Lily hissed.

James shook his head. “It’s…it’s got better over the last couple of years. I mean, I’ve got to see her for a few holidays. But after that, after we finished University, Sirius and I went to India. My parents went back, so my dad was able to help me find us jobs there. You want to see a picture of her?”

Lily nodded, looking miserable as James pulled out his mobile and swiped open his photos. He held it out, and Remus and Lily both peered at the girl who was now a teenager, looking not at all like James, even a little bit. She had wispy reddish blonde hair, a small nose, and wide grin.

“She looks just like Mary,” Lily said.

“She does, that.” He put his mobile away. “So long, tragic answer to your question, Lils, I am not married.”

Lily looked at him, then smiled. “You started calling me Lils our last year. It was nice.”

Remus felt a hand curve round his wrist that was resting on his thigh, and turned to look at Sirius. “Drinks?” Sirius said. “I could use another. And maybe food. Moony, come with me, yeah?”

Remus was bodily removed from his seat, and almost laughed when he realised James and Lily hadn’t taken notice. “You’re a good friend,” Remus muttered as they slid onto a couple of bar stools.

Sirius shrugged. “He pined for ages. You’ve no idea what he went through when he realised Lily worked here.”

Remus smiled a little. “He seemed rather pleased about it.”

“He was covering for his shock.” Sirius leant in close. “They had got close you know, but he’d given up on her. Though now…”

Remus glanced over and saw them sat very close together indeed. “She fancies him. It’ll work out.”

Sirius was smiling, nodding his head. “Oh I know. And really I wanted an excuse to get you on your own. Interrogate you a bit, if you’re keen.”

Remus spread his hands. “I’m an open book, Dr Sirius.”

With a laugh, Sirius ordered, “Something crispy and bad for us,” and then leant a little closer to Remus. “Married?”

“No. Gay.”

“Relationship?”

“Single.”

“Fancy me?”

“I think that’s obvious,” and with that statement, Remus’ cheeks went pink. “Possibly unprofessional.”

“Possibly.” Sirius let his hand come to rest on Remus’ thigh, and he squeezed it. “This okay?”

Remus nodded, feeling his breath catch. “It is.”

“So was our lovely Lori correct when she said you have lupus like she does?”

Remus swallowed thickly, knowing his condition often led to the end of the short relationships he managed to cultivate over the years. Because it was hard, and he wasn’t always well at all, and it was exhausting. And often terrifying. “Yes. I’ve been responding to the medication well. But I’ve got lesions on a few of my organs—kidneys and spleen. I’ve had a few surgeries, I always get pneumonia after. You know what it’s like, Dr Black. You’re currently treating it. So I understand if you…”

Remus’ words were cut off when Sirius moved his hand from thigh to the back of Remus’ neck. “You’d be in good hands, you know.”

Remus felt his breath catch. “Right. Erm…”

“I’d like to kiss you, if it’s all the same to you.”

Licking his lips, Remus found himself nodding, and then a warm mouth pressed to his. It was soft, pliant, chaste although his cock didn’t seem to agree. His cheeks were flush when Sirius pulled away, and he realised he’ curled his hand on the top of Sirius’ thigh, rather high up.

“I erm…”

“Eloquent, Lupin.”

“Sod off,” Remus said through a grin. “That was nice.”

“Indeed it was. I’d rather like to take you out on a date, Nurse Moony. A proper one where we don’t smell of patients and anaesthetic.”

Remus laughed a little. “I think I’d like that. I’ve days off on Tuesday and Wednesday if you could get the same.”

“That,” Sirius said in a very low tone, “can be arranged.”

***

Remus walked into work the next day, all smiles. He’d had another good snog with Sirius just outside the pub before parting ways. Lily and James escaped on their own, and all Remus got was a text reading, Don’t ring me until tomorrow.

He, of course, had no intention of ringing her at all. He was pleased for his friend though. Very pleased indeed. When he stepped into the staff room, however, preparing to make his tea before the sit-down with Lori, but he found Sirius sat at one of the tables. His face was drawn and he looked shaken.

“Sirius?”

He looked up, almost startled. “Shit. I…hey.”

Remus quickly took a seat next to the other man. “What happened?”

“Lori erm…” His voice cracked. “She crashed today. Twice.”

“Fuck,” Remus breathed. Her labs were repeatedly coming back very concerning. Her organs were suffering, her body buckling under the pressure of this disease which turned her immune system on itself. Somewhere deep down he’d known, though. He’d known, because he’d seen it before so often. Far too often. “Where is she?”

“ICU.” Sirius scrubbed his hand down his face. “I’d…I’d been speaking with her parents. Thinking of a few new treatments. There’s a drug, chemo drug, but it’s worked. She was…if James and I had got here last month, even…”

“She’s only been here as long as you have,” Remus said quietly. He dared reach over, taking Sirius’ hand in his. Playing with the long, thin fingers, he sighed. “You’re doing what you can.”

Sirius let out a shaking breath. “Ever wonder how you can keep watching this shit? All the time? Day after day just…knowing that not all of them are going to make it. It’s worse for you, I know. I remember what it was like being here, being responsible for the day to days. How many of them code when the doctors go home?”

“A lot of them,” Remus admitted. “But the thing is, I’ve lived with this my entire life. Knowing it could be me one of these days. Watching mates I met in support groups doing just fine one day, and in hospital the next. Thinking this one time they’re going to be alright. It’s just a cold…until it’s not.”

Sirius turned his fingers over in Remus’ and squeezed them. “You’re a braver man than I’ll ever be.”

“You’re the one who wants to date me,” Remus pointed out.

Sirius blinked at him, then chanced a small smile. “I do. If we weren’t at work right now, I’d kiss your face.”

Remus let out a small laugh. “Maybe after? Snog in the car park?”

“Shag in the backseat of your car like a couple of teenagers?” Sirius winked at him, then smiled when James walked in looking very pleased himself. “Alright, mate?”

“Better than,” he said jovially.

“Spare us the details, though,” Remus said, pulling his hand away. “Lily off tonight?”

“Yeah. But she said to tell you you’re a bloody git for not ringing her so she could give you the sordid details. Which if I might add my commentary, thank you for not ringing her so she could give you the sordid details.”

“I know what I’m doing,” Remus said solemnly, which made Sirius chuckle.

And it was all fine again.

Until it wasn’t.

James and Sirius went to check on their patient, dragging Remus along insisting she’d want to see him. They were just coming round the corner when the alarms sounded and the code was called. Being the closest physicians, Sirius and James immediately rushed to her bed. There were other nurses around, and Remus snapped his head into work mode.

She was bagged, and they were starting compressions. James was screaming orders, Sirius was pumping at the bag, trying to get her breathing to start. They had the machines whirring and drugs going into her IV and never in the short time that Remus knew the two men, had he seen them so determined.

James’ eyes were wild, jaw set firm, and he was ready to crack her chest open if he had to. Six minutes went by without a steady rhythm. A few times it blipped, then flatlined. He ordered more drugs, more compressions. Eight minutes.

Then ten.

It was at twenty half the nurses had already gone and Sirius stopped. His face was drawn, hands shaking as he grabbed James’ arm. “Enough,” he said loudly. And like the after effects of a gunshot, the room rang with silence. “Call it, Potter.”

James was shaking his head. “No. She’s nearly there, she…”

“James,” Sirius said, just as loud. “Call. It.”

James looked like he might vomit, but he stepped back from the body, his face a bit green. Clearing his throat, he glanced at the clock, then back at Lori who was peaked, almost grey in the face. There were too many tubes, and one of her eyes was cracked open, unseeing. The machine had been silenced, showing nothing more than a flat line buzzing across the screen.

Remus felt his stomach somewhere near his knees.

In the back of his mind somewhere he could hear her laughing as Sirius drawled out a shitty, Southern American Accent. “Why Bill Compton…”

“Time of death, twenty seventeen.”

Something slammed on the ground. Then James growled, picking up one of the trays holding a few of the tools and he threw it across the room. It hit the wall with a clang, and then his hands were in his hair as he stormed out.

Another team came to fill out the report. Sirius spoke with them quietly, then Lori’s body was taken away. Sirius looked more pale and shaken than Remus expected him to be. Surely as a surgeon he’d seen it before.

Remus had, even if he hadn’t been so ill as a child.

“We should go,” Sirius breathed. “Are you alright?”

Nodding, Remus shoved his shock and emotions down into a tiny box to take out later and mourn on his own because according to the hospital, she’d been nothing more than a patient to him. “Fine.”

Sirius looked like he didn’t believe him, but he accepted the admission and beckoned him along.

The ward was silent the rest of the night. James didn’t come out of his office, though Lily showed up later with a fierce hug for Remus, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she breathed.

Remus nodded, willing himself to keep his emotions pinned down. “It’s…I think James might need you more than I do right now.”

She looked torn, but let Remus give her a shove toward the office. The door opened and slammed, and she didn’t come out until James’ shift was over. He looked haggard as he gathered his coat. In the staff room he spoke in a quiet voice to Sirius, then approached Remus and cupped him by the back of the neck.

“I’m sorry.”

Remus shook his head. “It’s…”

“It isn’t,” James said in a harsh tone. “She was thirteen. My daughter…” He stopped and cleared his throat. “It’s not okay when they’re thirteen. When they haven’t finished their fucking book series.”

Remus felt something starting to crack, and silently he begged James to stop. “I know,” he whispered.

“Go home with Sirius tonight. Don’t shag, don’t…be gits. But just be there.”

Remus was nodding, though he wasn’t entirely sure what he was agreeing to. But Sirius waited around until Remus’ shift was over, and it was unspoken that Remus would go home with him. It was freezing outside, but he was unsurprised to learn Sirius drove a motorbike, and he put up no protest to climb behind his would-be lover and hold on tight.

Sirius’ flat was further than he expected, and he was frozen by the time they got up the stairs and inside. But the heater was running and he was able to remove his coat and get feeling back in his fingers as Sirius went to make them tea.

He took it, neither of them saying a word, but Remus glanced over and saw a stack of books on the small breakfast table. All the rest of the Sookie books. He touched the top of book six, then picked it up.

“Come on,” he said quietly, taking Sirius by the hand. He decided to guess where the bedroom was, and got it right on the third try after the toilet, and a spare room with nothing but boxes.

“Haven’t quite moved in all the way yet,” Sirius admitted as they pushed into his bare room. There was a comfortable bed and a wardrobe.

“Got anything I can change into?”

Sirius looked him up and down. “It’ll all be a bit small on you. Which might be cute.”

Remus laughed, but accepted Sirius’ largest t-shirt which was old, threadbare, and had a peeling screen print of Iggy Pop on the front. He didn’t ask, and when he stripped down to his boxers and socks, he refused to be embarrassed.

Instead he crawled on the bed, beckoning Sirius over, and held the book out. “For Lori, okay?”

Sirius gulped, then settled against Remus, closing his eyes. “Why doesn’t it get easier? Do you know how many people I’ve had die on me?”

“No,” Remus said softly. “Do you?”

There was a long, drawn silence. “Six. People always assume it’s more. They assume you’re a doctor, so you must lose them every day. But that wasn’t the point of me. That wasn’t why I did this.”

Remus held the book, but didn’t open it yet, instead carding his fingers into Sirius’ hair. “Why did you?”

Sirius turned his face to bury it in the front of Remus’ chest as he clung to his ribs. “Honestly? Because James asked me to. He didn’t want to do it alone. The needy git.”

Remus laughed softly, holding Sirius a little bit tighter. “And you ended up just liking it?”

“No. I don’t. Because I want to be friends with everyone. I want to make them stop hurting, and I can’t, always.”

Remus pressed a kiss to the top of Sirius’ head. “I decided to become a nurse, because I never had a doctor like you growing up. But I had a lot of nurses who sat by my bed. Who read me stories when I was at an hospital in Scotland or in London and my parents were stuck in Wales. I had nurses who held my hand and reassured me when I thought I was going to die, and there were times when it was close.”

Sirius huffed a breath, then turned his face up. “I fancy you.”

Remus laughed. “I should hope so. Here I am, all half-naked in your bed, ready to read from one of the worst disasters to ever be called literature, all because I rather fancy you as well.”

Sirius’ cheeks flushed. “After tonight, is it weird I want to kiss your face all over?”

Remus shook his head. “No.” He pushed the book to the side and snuggled down further so he was face-to-face with Sirius. “You know the first night I had a real chat with her, she said she shipped us.”

“Oh her and the bloody ships,” Sirius said, his voice thick and fond with emotions. “Did she, really?”

Remus nodded. “We were her hospital OTP. I think she might be rather happy if you kissed me all over my face.”

“I might cry a bit,” Sirius warned. Then he did it, peppered Remus’ face with kisses. He didn’t cry, but Remus could tell he was close.

They lay together after that, exhausted by emotions, comforted by each other. Neither could sleep, and sometime into the night, Sirius turned to Remus and cupped his face. “You reckon she was right about us?”

“That we belong together?” Remus laughed. “I can’t say. I’m not sure she was the best judge. I peeked at the ending after all and she was wrong. It’s Sookie and Sam.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and laughed. “I know. But I erm…if you’d like. To make a go of this.”

Remus dragged his hand down Sirius’ cheek, then drew him in for a soft kiss. “I rather think I would, you know. So long as you don’t mind…what might happen.”

“Well, like I said Moony,” Sirius whispered very softly, his lips a breadth away from Remus’, “you’re in very good hands.”