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He should move. He had to move if he wanted to even have a chance at surviving. If he kept sitting here, slumped against a wall, his death was a given. He had to get up and look for food and water before checking the communication systems of the station to find out if help would be coming. He also needed to look for other survivors - although he knew that it would be fruitless - and then he could make an informed decision about what to do. If no help was coming, he could always use his Vortex Manipulator as a means of escape. He could even bypass all the intermediate steps and simply leave this godforsaken place. Yes, he could do that and he probably should, but... he didn't.
Jack thumped his head back against the wall and stared into the empty corner of the room. The TARDIS had vanished right before his eyes from that very place. Jack took a shuddering breath when he recalled the moment of stumbling into the control room, only to watch his home vanish. After the invasion of the Boeshane Peninsula, Jack had believed that he would never again find a place where he belonged. Rose and the Doctor - and the TARDIS - had proven him wrong. They had accepted him in their lives, and Jack had let them into his heart without a second thought. And now... they had abandoned him. Jack shook his head to push the horrible thought away, but a seed of doubt had already been planted and it grew with every hour that passed without the TARDIS reappearing. It didn't matter how often he told himself that the Doctor hadn't come back yet because his driving was terrible, Jack could barely make himself believe it anymore. Maybe, the Doctor believed that he was dead, Jack mused after another couple of hours had passed. It was a reasonable assumption to make, especially since Jack believed - as crazy as it sounded - that he had died.
Absentmindedly, Jack rubbed his chest where the Daleks' laser had hit him. When he had first woken up, there had been a residual ache in his chest, but it had faded away by now. If he didn't know better, he could almost convince himself that the Daleks had missed. He knew better, though. They had killed him, and the Doctor had heard him dying over the com system. Therefore, if the Daleks had been defeated - although Jack couldn't start to imagine how that was possible - and he was believed dead, there was no reason for the Doctor to return to Game Station. He never went back to a place once the danger was over. Jack had learned as much during his time aboard the TARDIS, and it should be reason enough for him to get up and get moving, but... a tiny part of him still wanted to believe that the Doctor would come back. Even if he believed Jack had died, he could still come back for his body, right?
A bitter, hopeless laugh echoed through the control room and turned into a sob before Jack could stifle the sound. He should stop fooling himself into believing in fairy tales. The Doctor wouldn't come back for his body. Even if he did, there was no one out there in the whole universe who would want to claim it. No one cared about an ex-Time Agent and conman who went by the name of a dead war hero. No one cared... apparently not even the Doctor and Rose, as proven by their absence.
Jack smiled bitterly down at his hands which were covered in dust and left dirty traces on his face when he lifted them to wipe away the tears that had spilled from his eyes. No one cared if he lived or died. He had accepted that truth long ago, but he had made the mistake of believing it was different with Rose and the Doctor. He had believed that they cared. He had been a fool. A fool who still couldn't find the will to get up to find a way to save himself.
Jack snorted derisively at himself and then coughed when the dust was dispersed and he inhaled a lungful of it. Through watering eyes, Jack watched the blue police box materialize in the corner.
Hastily, Jack stumbled to his feet, but then remained frozen on the spot, staring at the TARDIS. He wanted to run over to her, to open the door, and feel her welcoming warmth envelope him, but he was afraid to take so much as a step towards her, for fear that she would simply vanish again. Jack wasn't completely convinced he wasn't hallucinating. It took less for most men to go insane than sitting around a destroyed space station for over twelve hours after surviving a horrible battle. His fears were laid to rest when the door of the TARDIS was thrown open and a beloved face peeked out of it.
"Rose," Jack gasped, and her head snapped in his direction.
"Jack!"
He had only a second to brace himself before he found himself with his arms full of his friend. A friend whom he had wronged by thinking she had abandoned him. Shame flushed Jack's cheeks and he hid his reaction by burying his face in Rose's hair and inhaling her familiar scent. She was real. She had come back for him and not just her, but the Doctor, too. Slowly, Jack lifted his head and pressed a kiss to Rose's hair before he glanced over at the opened door of the TARDIS. He expected to find the familiar, leather-clad figure, leaning against the police box, with his arms crossed in front of his chest and an impatient expression on his face. Instead, Jack's eyes fell on a lanky bloke with a brown, pinstripe suit and a trench coat, who had his hands shoved into the pockets of his trousers and was watching them with an unreadable expression.
"Rose?" Jack squeezed her shoulder nervously. "Who's that?"
Slowly, Rose turned in his embrace without letting go of him and followed his gaze. A quiet, annoyed sigh escaped her when her eyes found the lanky stranger. "What are you doing over there? Jack's right here and I'm sure he would like a hug from you, too."
"Ahem, Rose," Jack started to protest when the stranger laughed.
"I'm sure he would, wouldn't you, Captain?"
"What?" Jack watched warily as the stranger slowly picked his way through the piles of dust towards them. Rose knew the guy and trusted him, but Jack didn't have the first clue who the grinning stranger was. He was attractive - slender and graceful, with hair that begged for someone to run his fingers through it - but that didn't mean that Jack wanted to hug him. Okay, if he had met him at a bar Jack wouldn't have thought twice about it, but since that stranger had just stepped out of the TARDIS, and he couldn't even start to guess who it was, Jack was more cautious.
"Hullo, Jack." The lanky bloke stopped right in front of them but instead of trying to touch him, only gave a lopsided smile. "Did you hit or head or isn't that body as attractive as I thought? I would've expected a more enthusiastic greeting from you."
Jack could only gape at the stranger. Nothing he said was making any sense and he was starting to wonder if this wasn't just some strange dream after all when Rose huffed in annoyance. "That's not fair, Doctor. You're the one who always told Jack to keep his hands to himself."
Startled, Jack's eyes widened, staring from the lanky guy to Rose and back again. "Doctor," he repeated slowly and questioningly and was met with two confused looks.
"Right," the stranger - the Doctor - murmured with a sheepish smile, "I forgot that you couldn't know."
"Me too," Rose agreed.
"Know what?" Somehow, Jack felt as if he had missed a whole part of the conversation.
"Regeneration," the Doctor finally offered. "If a Time Lord dies, he grows a whole new body. I was rather lucky this time around, don't you think?" The slightly manic grin was oddly familiar, even on the new face. Jack's heart broke a little when the meaning of the Doctor's words sank in. The Doctor he had known had died. He would never see the leather-clad figure with the prominent nose and ears again. The thought hurt, even though Jack had to admit that the Doctor's new body was rather attractive.
Jack didn't voice either of these thoughts, but instead focused on the most important question. "How did you die?" Had the Daleks killed him? But then, how was it possible that the Daleks had been destroyed?
"Right, that's a bit complicated." The Doctor ruffled his hair absentmindedly. "Let's get back inside the TARDIS first. No need to hang around this place for longer than necessary."
Silently, Jack agreed. He only realized just how tense he had been the whole time when he stepped over the threshold into the TARDIS and all his anxiety drained away when he was greeted by her welcoming warmth.
"Hi there, beautiful." Jack stroked a coral strut gently. "I'm glad to be back."
"I'm also glad that you're back." At Rose's heartfelt words, Jack slung an arm around her shoulder and pressed a quick kiss to her hair. "How long has it been for you?"
"About a day," the Doctor answered Jack's question in Rose's stead, joining them on the grating after he had sent them into the Vortex. A weight that Jack hadn't been aware of lifted at the Doctor's words. They hadn't traveled the universe for ages before remembering to come back for him. They hadn't forgotten about him.
"So, what happened?" Jack glanced from Rose who was leaning against his side to the Doctor who stood a few feet away. Strangely, it wasn't too hard for Jack to think of the lanky guy as the Doctor. While he looked completely different, he still felt somewhat the same.
"Yes, Doctor," there was a clear challenge in Rose's voice, "What happened? He told me some nonsense about him singing and the Daleks running away," Rose informed Jack when he frowned at her. "And then he got sick, aliens invaded London, and when that was over he told me that we'd to go back for you and," Rose bit down on her lower lip, "I thought he had lost it."
"Oi!"
Rose ignored the Doctor's indignant protest, but her eyes were glistening with unshed tears when she looked up at Jack. "I thought you were dead and he had forgotten it. I didn't think you had survived, but you did, and we left you there and..."
"It's okay, Rose." Jack drew her into his arms when a sob shook her body. "It's only been a few hours for me. Besides, I think I really died so you weren't wrong to assume that." That still left the question of how he was alive now, and how the Doctor could have known about it since he had told Rose they needed to go back for him.
"You're right, you died." Brown eyes - when Jack still expected to see blue ones - met his own. "Rose brought you back to life." There was a strange note in the Doctor's voice that Jack couldn't place. He didn't get to analyze it further though when Rose's head suddenly jerked up and she stared at the Doctor in bewilderment.
"I did what?"
A sigh, and then the Doctor shared an unbelievable story about Bad Wolf and the power of the Time Vortex with them. If it weren't for all the evidence, proving his story, Jack wouldn't have believed half of it. It seemed impossible that a girl from the 21st century could absorb the power of the Time Vortex and write all the Daleks out of history... and live to tell the tale.
"So," Jack started slowly when the Doctor had been quiet for some time, "Rose absorbed the power of the Time Vortex, destroyed the Daleks, and brought me back to life. I think I understand that, but how did you die?"
"The power of the Vortex was killing Rose, I had to take it out of her, and it killed my former body. It's no big deal though," the Doctor added and when Jack glanced down at Rose, he knew why when he saw her disturbed expression.
"I killed you. It's my fault that..."
"No," the Doctor interrupted her sharply, and Jack watched him draw Rose into his arms. This version of the Doctor was much more tactile than the former one. "It was my decision to save you, and I haven't regretted it for even a second. You saved the whole universe when I couldn't do it. One of my regenerations is a small price to pay for that."
"You also saved me, beautiful," Jack threw in when it seemed like Rose was about to protest again and placed a hand each on the Doctor's and her shoulder. "And that even after I told you that you're worth dying for."
A faint blush crept up Rose's cheeks, but before she could reply, the Doctor abruptly turned away from them both, shaking Jack's hand off in the progress. "About that," he glanced back over his shoulder, stepping up to the console, "You shouldn't be alive, Jack."
Jack flinched at the cruel words. A lump formed in his throat even as Rose protested next to him. "Don't say that, Doctor! I thought you were glad he's alive."
"It doesn't change the fact that he should be dead," the Doctor told the console, manipulating some of the levers. "And," the Doctor added with a glance over his shoulder, "You didn't simply bring him back to life once but forever."
A cold weight settled in the pit of Jack's stomach and he was proud when he managed to speak without a quiver in his voice. "What do you mean: forever?"
"Rose used the energy of the Vortex to bring you back to life. You used a little too much," the Doctor added with a sigh towards Rose. "The Vortex energy didn't only bring you back to life, Jack, but it'll keep bringing you back. Whenever you die, you'll revive. You won't age, you'll just keep on living. In short: You're a fixed point in time and space, something that shouldn't exist."
Speechless, his head reeling from all the information - delivered in an emotionless speech - Jack could only gape at the Doctor's back. While the part about being unable to stay dead and staying young forever sounded nice right now, Jack was aware enough to understand that his feelings on the matter would change. If the Doctor was right - and there was no reason to doubt him - and he truly was a fixed point in the universe; he wouldn't simply live for a long time, but he would outlive everyone and everything. Jack swallowed against the bile that rose in his throat and forced himself to focus on the warmth of Rose's hand in his and her voice. Her voice! Right, she was talking.
"... do something about it, Doctor."
"I can take the energy of the Vortex out of Jack." The Doctor had never appeared as unapproachable as in that moment when he leaned with his hip against the console and looked down at them, both. "It'll fix everything and righten the flow of time because everything will be as it was supposed to be."
"Then, why haven't you done it, yet?" Jack swallowed hard at Rose's confused question. For him, it was obvious what the Doctor was saying, but Rose hadn't picked up on it, yet.
"When I take the energy out of Jack, he'll die and he'll stay dead, just like he was supposed to be." There was no emotion behind the Doctor's words and Jack only kept himself from shaking through sheer willpower alone. Jack had thought the Doctor had come back for him because he meant something to him when instead he was merely a problem to be fixed. Nothing more than a loose end to tie up before it unraveled the fabric of the universe.
Jack would have laughed at it if he hadn't been afraid of the sounds that would leave his mouth if he opened it. If given a choice, he would have preferred staying dead on the Game Station to this situation. At least, when he had faced the Daleks - and had been killed by them - he had died as a friend of the Doctor. Now though, he seemed to rank barely above any other time abnormality, and the knowledge hurt.
"You can't do that! You can't kill Jack!" Rose's eyes were alight with anger and it soothed part of Jack's pain to know it was on his behalf. To Rose, he would always be a friend. Never mind, that Jack had always wished for more than friendship - with both Rose and the Doctor - but that was neither here nor there. Not, when he was about to die... again.
"Of course, I can't kill him." The emotionless mask fell away from the Doctor's face to be replaced by a maniac grin. "We promised your Mum to bring him with us to Christmas dinner after all. Allons-y!"
The TARDIS lurched sideways and Jack held onto a coral strut while Rose grabbed onto him as they surged through the Vortex. It had been the most efficient way to end the conversation, Jack grudgingly admitted, desperately trying to remain upright. He only wondered if the Doctor would really be as cruel as to make him sit through Christmas dinner before ending his life.
OOO
"Would you like more mashed potatoes, Jack?"
"No, thanks Mrs. Tyler," Jack declined with a polite smile and wondered what he had done wrong when it earned him a glare.
"None of that Mrs. Tyler nonsense, call me Jackie."
Jack curved his lips upwards into a brighter version of his polite smile. "Thank you, Jackie, and also thanks for having us for dinner on such short notice."
"Nonsense," Rose's mother waved his thanks aside and then - to Jack's dismay - pulled out the chair opposite him and sat down. It wasn't that he didn't like Jackie. She was a nice enough woman - if a little overbearing - and it was apparent how much she loved Rose. Any other time, Jack would have enjoyed the chance of experiencing Christmas dinner in the 21st century, and flirting with Jackie - until Rose or the Doctor told him to stop. Today though, Jack had a hard time keeping his smile in place while forcing down the meal without tasting it. He doubted he would be able to get through a conversation with Rose's mother without losing it.
"Tell me, Jack," she leaned forward over the table and winked at him, "How did a good-looking American like you come to travel with Rose and Himself?" Jackie nodded towards the Doctor who was busy doing unspeakable things to the TV. "Can't imagine, he was too keen on letting you on board that ship of his - the other him, I mean." A speculative gleam entered Jackie's eyes - as she gazed longer than necessary at the Doctor's trouser-clad behind - before she smiled innocently back at Jack. "Needs getting used to – aliens who change their whole bodies - but it's certainly an improvement. Not just his looks, mind. Not even my Rose would have got that old grump to join us for Christmas. So, how did she get him to allow you on board? I can't imagine he was happy about the competition."
Jack squirmed under Jackie's assessing look. God, he would have preferred an inquisition by his former colleagues to this conversation. Now he knew where Rose had gotten her temperament from. "They saved my life, Rose and the Doctor, and afterward I just stayed." Jack shrugged with a nonchalant smile, praying Jackie wouldn't ask any more questions. He didn't fancy talking about his screw-up in 1941 with the nanogenes when he had only mere hours left to live. A small explosion from the direction of the TV got Jackie's attention and with a pat on his hand, she excused herself before ripping into a sheepish-looking Time Lord.
For a while, Jack kept the polite smile on his face but when it became apparent that the attention of everyone in the room was on the TV, he allowed it to slip from his face. The mashed potatoes lay heavily in his stomach, and Jack took a measured, deep breath to prevent them from making a re-appearance. It would be hard to explain to Jackie why he was throwing up on a perfectly nice evening. There was no good way to explain that Jack would die in the next couple of hours because he was supposed to be dead. The glass of water shook in his hand when he brought it up to his mouth to take a small sip. The Doctor had made it more than clear that Jack wasn't supposed to exist and that he would rectify the issue when they got back to the TARDIS, after dinner.
He almost knocked the glass over when he sat it back down on the table, Rose’s laughter echoing the room in response to her mother's scolding of the Doctor. Rose didn't know what the Doctor had planned, otherwise she wouldn't be so happy and carefree. His eyes flickered to where she was kneeling next to the Doctor on the floor, teasing him with a bright smile on her face. No, Rose wouldn't behave like that if she knew what was coming. Still, Jack didn't plan on telling her. It would only upset her and postpone the inevitable because Rose would beg the Doctor to let Jack live, and he couldn't deny her anything. In the end, though, the Doctor would have to take the Vortex energy out of Jack. It wasn't even really a choice when it was either the borrowed life of one ex-Time Agent or the fate of the whole universe. Jack understood where the Doctor was coming from and that there was no other option left, but still... it would be nice if he showed some kind of remorse over Jack's impending - and final - death. Anything other than the distant looks he had thrown in his direction would do a lot towards making Jack believe that he mattered in some way.
"Are you alright?"
Jack put a smile into place, before looking up into Rose's worried eyes. "'Course, just a little tired, Rosie."
Her searching look told him she didn't completely believe him, but thankfully, she let it slide. "Mum wants to know if you would like some plum pudding."
Swallowing against the bile, rising in his throat at the thought of more food, Jack shook his head. "I'm sure it's delicious, but I simply can't eat anymore."
"Okay, I'll let her know. I think the Doctor wanted to try it, but I guess he won't stay for long afterward. He's already getting twitchy." Jack followed her gaze towards the Time Lord and had to agree with her assessment upon seeing the Doctor fiddling with his screwdriver. If they stayed much longer the visit would end badly for the electronics.
"You're staying here?" Jack thought he had overheard Rose telling her mother she would sleep over tonight.
"Yes, Mum insisted." Rose scrunched up her nose. "Please make sure that Himself doesn't decide to take a short trip, only to end up coming back a month later."
Jack gave a tight nod and just hoped the smile on his face hadn't turned into a grimace. "I promise."
"Thanks." Jack's breath hitched in his chest when Rose pressed a kiss to his cheek and her forehead creased in worry. It was at that moment that her mother entered the living room - carrying three helpings of dessert - and Rose forgot to question his untypical reaction. Silently, Jack watched the three people at the flat enjoy their plum pudding in front of a - again - fully functioning TV. He could as well have been absent for all the attention they paid him. It wasn't that Jack wasn't glad he wouldn't be forced to interact with anyone, but... it also hurt to spend his last moments as a mere observer of Rose's and the Doctor's friendship. He ducked his head when Rose's bright laughter echoed through the room to prevent anyone from seeing the expression on his face. There was no way for him to endure this kind of torture much longer. Maybe, he should just leave and...
Jack blinked down at the hands in his lap. Strange, it hadn't crossed his mind, until now, to run away. His Vortex Manipulator was in perfect working condition, and Jack only needed to make a few jumps to escape. Oh, he didn't doubt that the Doctor would find him if he wanted to. Despite his abysmal driving, he was a Time Lord, and perfectly capable of finding one wayward ex-conman in all of time and space. Nevertheless, that only applied if the Doctor wanted to find him. Maybe, this whole evening was the Doctor's way of telling Jack to run away, so that he didn't have to dirty his hands by ending his life.
Anger flared up inside Jack, only to be smoldered a second later when an adorable pout graced the Doctor's face at something that Rose had said. It was probably unhealthy, but Jack couldn't be mad at the Time Lord, no matter what face he wore. He had fallen in love with a grumpy man with a fetish for leather jackets, and he still loved the man who believed it acceptable to combine a pinstripe suit with Converse shoes. Jack could neither blame him for what he needed to do to protect the universe nor could he run away from him. He would stay and accept his fate although that didn't mean he wasn't bloody terrified.
By the time, everyone had finished dessert and was getting ready to end the evening, Jack was a raw bundle of nerves. His heart was pounding away against its ribcage like it wanted to make up for all the years it wouldn't get to beat. Shakily, Jack got to his feet when Rose, her mother, and the Doctor, all moved towards the door of the flat.
"It was a lovely evening." Jack leaned in to kiss Jackie's cheeks and smiled when she blushed. "Rosie," Jack hugged her close on the threshold of the flat, and had to swallow a few times to get the words out that needed saying, "I love you." Jack wasn't going to walk to his death - again - without letting her know how much she meant to him.
A startled inhale sounded next to his ear before Rose relaxed in his arms and snuggled against his chest. "I love you, too, Jack." The peck on his lips was the sweetest kiss Jack had ever received and he had to blink a few times before he dared to let go of Rose and meet her beaming smile. "Goodnight, Rose."
"Night, Jack, Doctor. See you in the morning."
The forced smile hurt, stretching his lip when Jack waved goodbye to Rose, and then followed an already impatient-looking Time Lord back to the TARDIS. He didn't dare look back again but kept his eyes fixed on the blue police box while his heart counted his last moments with every beat.
OOO
"Aw, sweet home! I missed you, old girl!" Reverently, the Doctor stroked one coral strut in greeting like he had been gone for days - or weeks - instead of a mere four hours. Any other time Jack would have laughed at such antics, but right now, he couldn't even bring his lips to twitch upwards. He was too busy preventing the turkey and mashed potatoes from making a reappearance on the floor of the console room to worry about his facial expressions when he closed the door behind them.
His hands were clammy, and Jack wiped them on his trousers before he took a few more steps inside the TARDIS. She hummed worriedly around him, but Jack couldn't find it in him to reassure her. It took all of his willpower not to break down in a shaking mess, and to beg the Doctor to allow him to live for a bit longer, but he wouldn't embarrass himself like that. If he had to go, Jack would go with dignity although his resolution to allow the Doctor to fix what had gone wrong when Rose had resurrected him was wavering with every passing second. His whole body was screaming at him to run, to save his life, and to never look back, but instead, Jack stepped closer to the console. He had made his decision while sitting through dinner at Jackie's flat, and he knew that it was the right one to make. His life wasn't as important as the integrity of the universe. Jack only wished the Doctor would get on with it because he wasn't sure how long he would be able to keep his fear at bay.
"Doctor," he tried to get his attention, his heart pounding in his chest, but the Time Lord only kept babbling, checking something on the screens.
"I've never had microwaved plum pudding before. I must say it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Certainly preferable to whatever Jackie would've created on her own." A shudder shook the thin frame of the Doctor. "Her tea is superb - I'll give her that. It cured me of my regeneration sickness. Great tea, we should stop at Tesco's before we leave to get a few boxes of that tea. Not that I plan on regenerating again any time soon, but one can never be too prepared, besides," the Doctor smacked his lips together and his brow creased in concentration before a grin split his face, "I really like that tea. I always did, although my taste changed with each regeneration. What about you, Jack? Has Jackie converted you to become a tea drinker or do you still prefer coffee?" The Doctor paused in his monologue to look at Jack with a teasing grin.
Jack took the chance offered to him to finally ask the question burning away at him. "Will it hurt?"
Two steep lines appeared between the Doctor's eyebrows. "Drinking tea? Only if you're too impatient and don't wait for it to cool down."
"No." Jack barely contained himself from shouting in frustration, his nerves were getting the better of him. "Taking the Time Vortex out of me."
"Oh, that." The Doctor cocked his head to the side - either to consider the question or to ask the TARDIS for advice - and then replied in the negative. "No, you won't feel any pain. It's going to feel like falling asleep."
Part of his fear evaporated at the reassurance of the Doctor. It wouldn't hurt... that was good. Jack had always feared prolonged pain more than death itself, although he had faced both numerous times during his career as a Time Agent. Still, he preferred to not have his last moments alive filled with pain. "Alright, do it then." Jack squared his shoulders and met the Doctor's confused gaze.
"Do what?"
"Take the energy of the Vortex out of me." Jack gritted his teeth, replying. Did the Doctor need it spelled out or was he crueler than Jack had thought possible?
"Jack." More lines appeared on the Doctor's face, and he slowly picked his way over to Jack until he stood directly in front of him, peering at him. "If I take the energy out of you, you'll die."
Jack was too tired to take offense at the Doctor's patronizing tone, so he merely nodded. "I know."
"Okay, so you're telling me that you want to die?" An eyebrow climbed up the Doctor's forehead until it vanished beneath his hairline. "I never imagined you would grow tired of living, Captain. At least not before you had shagged every sentient, semi-compatible, species in the universe."
Jack's fists clenched at his side. If the Doctor was trying to provoke him, it was certainly working. One more word out of that nicely shaped mouth and Jack was going to punch his teeth in. "It's not like I've got a choice," he finally snarled into the Doctor's face. "'Course I don't want to die, but... I've to."
The smirk vanished from the Doctor's face in an instant to be replaced by deep worry. "What's made you think that?"
A bitter laugh bubbled up in Jack's throat. "You."
"Me?!" It would have been funny to watch the Doctor's eyes widen, pointing a finger at his chest, but Jack felt more like crying.
"Don't play dumb, Doc." His fingers shook when he ran them through his hair. "You said it yourself; I shouldn't be alive. If I was still mortal, it might be fine, but I'm a fixed point in time and space. I shouldn't exist. I'm not meant to be. I'm wrong and..."
"Stop, right there!" A heavy hand landed on his shoulder, and ancient, brown eyes gazed calmly at him despite the maelstrom of emotions right beneath the surface. "You aren't wrong. Yes, living beings shouldn't be turned into fixed points - and it's never happened before - but that doesn't make you wrong, Jack. It's certainly no reason to kill you."
"But you... you said that taking the energy out of me would make everything as it should be and that it had to wait until after Christmas dinner because you promised Jackie to bring me."
Horror dawned on the Doctor's face at Jack's words, all the color draining away. "You thought I would... after dinner." His Adam's apple popped up and down when the Doctor swallowed heavily. "By Rassilon, Jack!" Both of his shoulders were grabbed, although Jack wasn't sure if it was to give him a shake or because the Doctor needed something to hold on to. "How could you think I would kill you? Did I treat you so badly that you would believe that?"
The pleading note in the Doctor's voice tore at Jack's heartstrings, but he couldn't find it in him to comfort his friend when his head was still reeling with the new information. "I - you won't kill me?"
The Doctor flinched violently at the question, but Jack had to know for sure. His nerves couldn't take much more after the last twenty-four hours - or more. He hadn't slept since before they had visited Tokyo, and the exhaustion, coupled with the emotional stress, was starting to catch up with him.
"No, I won't end your life until you ask me to."
Jack's heart jumped hard before it started a brutal rhythm. Was this a test? Was the Doctor testing him if he was bigger on the inside, and prepared to give up his life for the greater good? The blood rushed into his ears and drowned out any other sound, making Jack dizzy while he fought to keep his knees from buckling under him. He had thought that the Doctor believed in him and saw him as more than a pretty boy, but even after everything they had been through together, he wasn’t worthy of the Doctor.
"Jack." Cold fingers clasped his neck and troubled eyes swam back into focus when Jack blinked a few times to clear his vision. "What's this all about?"
"You want me to," Jack's breath hitched in his chest, but he forced the words out, past the lump in his throat, "ask you to kill me."
"I want you to... what now?" Pure bewilderment marred the Doctor's features before it cleared away and his face fell. "I - the last me, but still me - was much too hard on you, wasn't I? I call you my companion - my friend - and yet, none of my former companions would've believed me capable of such cruelty - I hope." The Doctor's lips twitched up into a self-deprecated smile, but it was soon replaced by a determined expression "Listen, Jack!" Cold Fingers dug almost painfully hard into his upper arm until Jack's whole attention was on the Doctor. "I never meant for you to sit through dinner at Jackie's flat and believe it to be your last meal - no known species is that cruel. When I first told you about how Rose fixed you in time and space, I only wanted to reassure you that - despite the bleak outlook - you wouldn't have to live on forever - that there's a way for you to die. I never imagined you would think..." A resigned sigh fell from the Doctor's lips before he continued, "The human mind isn't made to carry on for an infinite amount of time. When you can't bear to live anymore, then - and only then - I'll take the energy out of you, alright?"
"I... Y-yes." Jack couldn't keep his voice from quivering, but at least he managed to hide the tears in his eyes from the Doctor's sight by hugging his friend close. It had all just been a stupid misunderstanding! Jack wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry at the realization, his heart at least slowing down. "I'm sorry," he whispered when the Doctor's arms came up around him, returning the hug. "I should've known better, but..."
"You'd just spent half an Earth day waiting for us amongst Dalek dust as the lone survivor on a destroyed space station after the traumatic experience of dying and reviving." The words were a soothing murmur in Jack's ear, and he leaned more heavily against the Doctor. "You were exhausted and confused and I wasn't of much help either." The Doctor withdrew with a sigh but rested his hands lightly on Jack's shoulders, gazing at him with a lopsided, sad smile. "Rude but not ginger, that's me now."
"You weren't rude." Jack narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, sending his mind back to their flight from the Game Station. "You were... distant."
"I was, wasn't I? You've got to understand, Jack, regenerating has never been easy for me."
"Rose mentioned that you were sick."
"It's not just that, it's..." The Doctor's eyes shifted downwards to focus on a spot on Jack's chest. "Former companions have left me because they couldn't cope with me regenerating. For some time I feared that Rose would be one of them, but..."
"She came around," Jack finished for the Doctor, who looked up at him with a traitorous sheen in his eyes. "Yes, she did, but I couldn't just assume you would handle it well. It was obvious when you first learned that I was the Doctor that you missed him - the old me - and with everything else that had happened I didn't want to pressure you, therefore..."
"You kept your distance. Oh, Doctor!" Jack's heart broke at the loneliness he saw reflected in these ancient eyes when they met his. "I could never walk away from you just because you changed." And he couldn't. Jack had proven it, today, when he had decided that death at the hand of his friend was preferable to never seeing him - and Rose - again.
A conflicted expression passed over the Doctor's features. "You really should after everything I put you through, you should walk away."
"But I won't." Determined, Jack held the Doctor's eyes before allowing a sly smile to bloom on his face. "But if you still feel bad about today, you could make it up to me with a kiss."
Jack expected the Doctor to roll his eyes in exasperation, and deliver a snide comment about his insatiable sex drive. He certainly didn't expect the Doctor to lean in and claim his lips in a kiss. For a split second, Jack stood frozen before his instincts took over and he kissed back. The chaste contact of lips, soon became less innocent when a tongue flickered out and Jack opened his mouth to allow it entrance. The Doctor wasn't the best kisser Jack had ever had but he didn't mind. What his friend lacked in skill, he made up for in enthusiasm, and by the time he withdrew, Jack was panting heavily.
"Wow," Jack gasped out and reached towards his crotch to adjust himself in his trousers.
"Yeah." A dusting of color rose in the Doctor's face. "Apparently, this body isn't adverse to kissing."
"Then, why haven't I got a kiss yet?" Both men turned as one at the question. Rose stood in the console room, an attractive flush in her cheeks, with her tongue poking out between her lips. Jack wondered if they had been so focused on the kiss that they hadn't heard her come in or if the TARDIS had something to do with it, while Rose made her way over to them. "I would really like one, you know." The color in her cheeks intensified when she reached for the Doctor, who let go of Jack to draw her into his arms.
Jack watched his friends kiss silently. They looked good together. Blonde hair cascaded over the Doctor's hand when he threaded his fingers through it and angled Rose's head slightly to deepen the kiss. Indeed, they were perfect together. The thought twisted something painfully in his chest even while his heart was warmed with joy by the knowledge that his two friends had finally stopped dancing around each other. With a wry smile and a heavy heart, Jack turned to give the lovebirds some privacy and to hide away in his room. He didn't make it farther than two steps before a small hand closed around his wrist, holding him.
"And where do you think, you're going?" Amusement gleamed in Rose's eyes when she stepped in front of him. "I haven't had my kiss, yet."
Bewildered, but not one to pass up a kiss from someone he fancied - and loved - Jack drew Rose to him and kissed her. He took his time, drinking in every little, content sigh - conscious that this might be the only time he would be allowed such intimacy - until he had to step back or risk her tempting softness in his arms to overwhelm him. Over Rose's head, Jack caught the Doctor's eyes and was relieved when they didn't reflect even the smallest hint of jealousy. Instead, they only held warmth, a smile playing around the corner of his lips. Before Jack could even start to question what that meant - or if it meant anything - Rose put her hands on her hips and fixed a challenging look at them both. "So, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," the Doctor lied smoothly.
Rose only rolled her eyes at him. "The TARDIS seemed to think otherwise. She kept nudging me until I came here, so what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Not anymore, at least," Jack added when Rose raised a single eyebrow at him. "It was just a stupid misunderstanding."
"Jack believed that I wanted to take the energy of the Vortex out of him right away, and effectively kill him."
Rose's eyes widened in shock and she spun around to face the Doctor while Jack debated if it was acceptable to strangle the guy you had kissed only minutes ago. "But you don't want to do that?"
"'Course not." The Doctor crossed his arms defensively over his chest. "As I said, it was a misunderstanding. I told Jack he should just come and find me when he's got enough of living. I'll program his Vortex Manipulator to be able to call the TARDIS."
"Okay." Rose nodded and then beamed at Jack. "That's a good solution, right?"
"Yes." Jack swallowed heavily against the newly formed lump in his throat. "I guess, I'll pack my things then."
"What? Why?"
Jack's shoulders slumped in defeat. "You just said that I should find you, when I was sick of living, so apparently you don't want to have me around and..."
"Don't be daft!" The words were spoken by the Doctor, but the slap to his shoulder was delivered by Rose.
"Of course, we want you here. Right, Doctor?" Rose looked expectantly at the Time Lord.
"Obviously! Humans, no matter when you come from, you'll always jump to conclusions." The Doctor ruffled his hair with one hand. "You'll probably live a long time, Jack, and it would be presumptuous of me to assume that you would want to spend all that time aboard the TARDIS. Besides, too much proximity can lead to resentment. Look at all these married couples that take breaks from each other and even if they don't, they never stay together for more than a few decades."
Jack refrained from pointing out that most couples didn't have more time together before they died but instead focused on another part of the Doctor's example. "So, you see us as a couple?" He leered at his friend, hoping his flirting would ensure that they both forgot his embarrassing lack of common sense.
"I hope not," Rose chimed in. "If anything, he should see us as a triple... or however you call a relationship of three people."
"A triad," Jack offered and almost managed to keep the hope out of his voice. "Rose, do you know what you're offering?"
Instead of the blush, Jack had expected to see on her face, Rose huffed in annoyance. "Jack Harkness, I might be from the 21st century, but that doesn't mean I'm completely ignorant. Besides, it's not like I just thought of it, you know." Rose worried her lower lip between her teeth, and a hint of nervousness entered her voice. "I've thought of the three of us together for some time now - months. I didn't dare say anything though, and besides I believed we'd all the time in the world to figure it out. Now though, I know that everything can be over from one moment to the next." Determination burned in her eyes, meeting Jack’s gaze. "That's why I don't want to wait any longer. I want to be with both of you if that's what you want, too."
"You don't need to convince me, Rose." Jack leaned forward and stole a kiss from her lips. "All you've ever had to do was ask." It was nothing but the truth. If Rose had given any indication of being interested in a relationship with him and the Doctor, Jack would have jumped at the chance. Though, he doubted that the leather-clad Doctor would have ever agreed to it. That said, Jack wasn't completely convinced that this Doctor would be on board; he had kissed them eagerly enough, but there was a huge difference between kissing and committing to a relationship with two humans.
"What do you say, Doctor?" Jack had to give it to Rose, she was braver than him. There was no doubt how much she wanted them all to be together and how nervous she was, and yet... she still dared to ask.
The pensive expression vanished from the Doctor's face to be replaced by a bright smile. "Brilliant!"
It was all the encouragement Jack needed to kiss first Rose and then the Doctor before the two fell into each other's arms. They really looked good together, Jack mused but this time the realization didn't hurt. Instead, it sent tendrils of warmth all through Jack's body until he seriously considered taking his trousers off when they became ever tighter.
"We should probably take this somewhere else," Rose suggested breathlessly with a pointed look at both the Doctor's and Jack’s bulging trousers. "We'll have three ruined pairs of underwear, otherwise."
"Two," Jack offered with a wink, "But I don't want to ruin my trousers. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to clean leather."
"Only you, Jack." A boyish grin lit up the Doctor's face. "But I share your sentiment. What do you think about going to a deserted island in the 15th century and..."
"Nope, no way. At least not this time," Rose added with a sigh when both the Doctor and Jack directed puppy eyes at her. "I promised my Mum that we would've breakfast with her tomorrow, but with your driving, we'll be happy to make it back for New Year's Eve."
The Doctor opened his mouth to protest, but Jack silenced him with a hard kiss before he could say anything to ruin the mood. It was a passionate kiss, designed to arouse, and Jack wasn't disappointed when the Doctor broke away panting, and wordlessly took both their hands to lead them deeper into the TARDIS.
OOO
The room was bathed in the first rays of sunshine when Jack opened his eyes to the artificial early morning the TARDIS had created. Jack sent a telepathic greeting to her and smiled when she nudged back against his mind happily. His smile only grew brighter when his lower back gave a small twinge when he wriggled underneath the covers to get more comfortable. Jack couldn't remember the last time every muscle in his body had been sore after a night of rather fantastic sex. Considering that they had all still been exhausted from the last couple of days, Jack almost didn't dare imagine what sex would be like with Rose and the Doctor when they were all well-rested.
His eyes flickered to his left where Rose slept peacefully. Gently, Jack stroked a wayward strand from her forehead before he turned his head to his right. Calm, brown eyes met his own, and Jack shifted onto his side to greet the Doctor with a deep kiss. "Morning," he murmured against his lips.
"Good morning, Captain." The Doctor nipped playfully at his lower lip, but suddenly his expression turned pensive. "You know, I think I didn't say it, but I'm glad that you're alive. I wouldn't have wanted a different outcome."
Blinking back sudden tears, Jack leaned in to capture the Doctor's lips in a gentle kiss in reply. Until now, he hadn't realized how badly he needed to hear these words from his new lover. It was one thing for the Doctor to accept that Jack was alive, it was something else altogether for him to admit that he didn’t want him to be dead.
Jack had only intended for the kiss to be a quick acknowledgment of the Doctor's feelings, but it soon turned into more when eager lips kissed him back. The Doctor was a quick learner, Jack thought when his lover sucked his lower lip into his mouth and squeezed his arse. Blood was rapidly rushing between his legs and when Jack pressed their bodies together, he was thrilled to notice that the Doctor was in a similar state. They groaned in unison, pressing closer together and Jack was just reaching between their bodies when a pointed cough interrupted them. Jack looked back over his shoulder to find Rose had sat up and was watching them both with an interested expression. Her right hand was pressed between her legs, cupping one of her breasts with the other one.
"Sorry, sweetheart." Jack shifted around and gave her a long, languid kiss. "We didn't mean to start without you."
"Exactly," the Doctor agreed, and Jack's remaining blood rushed southwards, watching his lovers kiss. As soon as they parted, Jack swept in to capture Rose's lips, groaning into her mouth when the Doctor pressed up against him.
Jack could get used to waking up like this, and not even Jackie Tyler's irate rant when they only made it to her flat at lunchtime could dissuade him of the idea. He would endure anything if it meant spending time with his lovers - even an awkward meal with Rose's mother.