Chapter Text
It started, as many things did, with Scanlan having an almost-not-terrible idea.
Okay, technically it started some time before that. The gang needed a job. They got one: infiltrate a keep headed by a general suspected of conspiring against the kingdom to find evidence of treason. They accepted, mostly because they were almost broke and surrounded by armed guards who didn’t seem like they wanted to hear “no,” and went to Greenwall.
The first problem came when Greenwall Keep turned out to be very, very, very well guarded. After Vex ran out of two sets of arrows as well as her last reserves of patience, Keyleth the mouse got stuck in at least three traps, Scanlan failed to bribe sixteen guards, Grog got buried under the wall he broke, and Vax fell off of a ledge into the moat and learned that a certain species of crocodile has teeth longer than his forearm, Pike made the executive decision that they were not going to brute force their way into the keep. “I can only do so much,” she stated, and they were all too tired to argue. Besides, arguing with Pike was never a good idea.
But Scanlan’s idea wasn’t much better. “If we can’t force our way in,” he reasoned that night over their third round of ale, “we have to get them to let us in.”
Vex wasn’t impressed. “Obviously.”
“No, what I mean is…” Scanlan paused, looking around the table to make sure everyone was listening. Keyleth had passed out; Grog’s little (relatively, anyway) finger was two knuckles deep in his ear; Vax was staring mournfully at what was left of his boot after the “ stupid fucking crocodile ” had decided it was a chew toy. Pike, at least, had glanced up. Good ol’ Pike. “I mean, we need someone on the inside .”
Somehow, Vex managed to look even less impressed. “Scanlan. We’ve been trying to get inside.”
“No, not us . We get someone on the inside to let us in!”
“I got that part,” Pike said. “We need them to let us in. Figures it should be someone who’s already inside.”
“No, no, hang on–” Scanlan shooed at the air, grumbling. “Like, instead of getting one of us inside, we get someone inside to help us. Like, join the crew.”
“You’re too drunk to be having ideas, Scanlan,” Vex sighed, claiming what was left of Keyleth’s ale.
Scanlan’s face fell into flat resignation. “I’m saying we flirt our way in.”
The confusion cleared from Pike’s face. “Oh! Why didn’t you say so?”
“If Vex is already disappointed, she won’t get more disappointed when she hears the actual idea.”
“Try me, bitch.”
“Okay, she won’t get too much more disappointed.”
Vex just ignored him for two more drinks before going to bed.
But three days later, they still didn’t have any ideas. Well, they didn’t have any other ideas. They tried lying their way through the front entrance, even, but that hadn’t gotten them anywhere (it had somehow gotten Vax back into the moat, but that didn’t count as progress)–so it was with great reluctance that Vex asked Scanlan to elaborate on his idea.
Scanlan was all too happy to oblige. “Well, the guards I was talking to didn’t have anything helpful to say about how to get in–they didn’t want to let me in either, that was just rude–but they did mention that the general has a daughter.” His grin grew, and Vex found herself wondering not for the first time how the hell she’d ended up working with this menace of a gnome. “They also happened to mention that this daughter has quite a bit of interest in romance, and that she isn’t the best at keeping secrets.”
Pike brightened. “So we gain her trust and she lets something slip! That’s actually not a bad plan!”
Scanlan beamed. Vex thought his cheeks looked a bit more red than usual, and not because of the drinks. “Thanks, Pike.”
“Can’t we just kidnap her?” Grog asked.
“Grog, no,” Scanlan fussed. “No, we’re making love , not war.” He waggled his eyebrows. Grog just shrugged.
Vex sighed. Idiots. “How do you know where she’ll be?”
“Picking up trashy romance novels at the library, obviously.” Rolling his eyes, Scanlan gestured in the vague direction of Greenwall Village’s library. “I can stop her on her way out, make nice, work my magic.”
“You’ll be flirting with her?”
“Um, yeah? That’s kinda my thing, Vex.”
Vex pinched the bridge of her nose. It wasn’t a terrible plan, no, but it wasn’t a great one either. There was no way of telling if they’d gain any useful information. For all she knew, Scanlan was just making an elaborate excuse to get laid. But at this point, they didn’t have much to lose.
“Fine. Do your thing, Scanlan. Just don’t get us into any more trouble.”
Scanlan’s grin widened a bit too much. Scratch that, a lot too much. “Trouble? Who, me?”
Before Vex could take it all back, Scanlan was out the door.