Chapter Text
"If one day you lose me, I want you to remember me by looking at lilies and dancing in the rain like we used to."
"Dancing in the rain alone would be awfully embarrassing, I am not doing that." I added, mocking the way that I would respond if only I didn't love you as much as I do. Yet, here I was, dragging my wet body through the rain to the sound of a laughter only I remembered.
The thoughts of you plague my mind as papers of different unsent letters litter my desk. 136, I counted them time and time again. 136, the number of freckles that scatter upon your face. 1:36 am, the time I first knew I loved you.
The cold water droplets beat on my skin as I become increasingly aware of my drenched hair sticking to my neck. They gray clouds let out a low rumble, seemingly understanding how I felt.
"My dearest," the damp peice of paper that was sticking out of my pocket read, a name scribbled out in red ink next to the only legible words on the page. If only I could drown out these thoughts of you. If only I could see that same toothy grin I've grown to love. If only I could count all 136 freckles again.
If only.
If someone had asked me 5 years ago "What would be your sole wish?" I would've wished to never have been born. Now? I just want you here with me. Sure, my life sucks, but, it sucks a little less with you in it.
Sometimes I ask myself, "What does it mean to be alive anyways?" It's always the same. Some may consider me a monster, a robot, something far from what I should be. But you? You made me feel human again.
I need you like how i need oxygen. Every second I spend without you is a pain worse than death. I dont even have enough hours in the day to pity myself anymore. Society has no place for something as vile as me in their hearts, and they never will.
This year I will be twenty-seven. Next year I'll turn twenty-eight, the very number you love most. I need you now, I love you so much, more than you could know.
136 days and I still cling onto the sliver of hope that you just might return; is that too much to ask for?