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Chuuya laughs, bold and bright.
they're cuddling in some hotel room. it's fancy-ish, and would probably average 3 stars on Yelp. the mattress beneath them is hard - Dazai can feel the springs boring into his ass - but it'll do for a hidden rendezvous. his hands chase after Chuuya as he squirms away, pinning him down and tickling him. Dazai's grinning evilly.
"oi! stop that, you fucking mackerel!" he wheezes, batting his hand away, face alight with happiness.
Dazai's heart melts a little. he tickles him harder, unwilling to let up, laughing with him.
"i don't think so, little slug of mine! what, can't escape me?"
Chuuya scrambles to the headboard, dodging Dazai's hands and activating his ability. he hovers near the ceiling, collecting his breath. he smiles smugly at a pouting Dazai.
"no fair! come back down here, Chuuya!" Dazai whines. he makes little grabby hands at Chuuya, who's now sitting on the ceiling at the opposite side of the room.
"fuck you."
"chibi's so mean, he's breaking my heart! i thought you loved me!"
"that doesn't mean i'll let you fucking torture me!"
"it wasn't torture, you're so overdramatic!"
"fuck you!"
there's a short pause.
Dazai snickers, and then they're both bursting into cackles, holding their sides in pain.
it takes a while for them to recollect their breath, and by then, Chuuya's returned to the bed.
"couldn't stay away after all, hm~?" Dazai teases, leaning towards him.
"shut up," Chuuya mutters, pulling him into a kiss.
its nice. soft and warm, like home. Dazai pulls Chuuya a little closer. he tangles his hand in Dazai's brown locks in response.
they pull away, resting their foreheads together. "i missed you," Dazai murmurs, eyes closed.
"i missed you too, bastard." Chuuya sighs.
they bask in each other's embrace. times like these are rare, especially since Dazai only recently surfaced from being under the radar.
"you're with the Agency now, right?"
"yeah, why?"
"tell me about them. i'm curious about your new co-workers."
"oh~ is Chuuya trying to get information from me? my, what a bad dog, to use our relationship like this!"
Chuuya rolls his eyes. "shut the fuck up and just tell me."
"okay, okay! hm, where to start...?" Dazai falls backward, bouncing slightly as he hits the mattress. "well... i picked up a child. his name's Atsushi, and he ate 30 bowls of chazuke in one sitting."
"...he what now?"
"he ate 30 bowls of chazuke." Dazai repeats slowly. "he was an orphan who got thrown out. he interrupted my suicide attempt."
"which was...?"
"drowning."
Chuuya sighs. he scoots closer to Dazai.
Dazai turns to face him, peering up at him curiously. "hey, Chuuya? do you think people care for me?"
Chuuya stares at him, utterly shocked. "are you fucking blind now, you mackerel?"
Dazai blinks at him, confused. "what? no."
"it sure fucking seems like you are." Chuuya huffs.
"wait, wait." Dazai sits up. he trains his gaze on Chuuya. "explain."
Chuuya gives a long-suffering sigh.
"how are your Agency co-workers treating you?"
"i don't see how-"
"answer."
"uhm." Dazai blinks. "well? they've all been very, uh, kind. and accommodating."
"good." a pause. Chuuya motions for Dazai to properly sit up and face him, which he does, crossing his legs.
"would you say they care for you?"
"...no?" Dazai furrows his brows.
"...this is worse than i thought." Chuuya mutters. "okay. fuck. do you think... i care for you?"
"yes?"
"good. you're not a complete idiot, then."
an indignant whine.
"shut up. anyway, what makes you think i care for you?'
"well." Dazai purses his lips, thinking. "...you're dating me?"
"other than that."
Dazai averts his gaze, fidgeting. "...you say it. a lot."
"and...?"
"...we fuck."
Chuuya sighs and scoots closer, holding Dazai's head in his hands.
"Dazai. look at me."
their gazes connect. Dazai's eyes are a dark shade of umber.
"i love you." Chuuya starts. "and i show it as much as possible. skin contact, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation. i fucking suck at it, but i try."
Dazai nods, not quite sure where this is going.
"so. have any of those Agency fuckers done anything like that?"
Dazai blinks. "Atsushi does my reports?" he tries to think of a few more. "Yosano keeps wanting to drag me to the infirmary, Kunikida pays for my meals, Fukuzawa still hasn't asked where i'm from..."
"exactly." Chuuya nods. "what does that say?"
Dazai frowns. "they... care for me?"
"yes. fucking finally. that gave your brain a workout." Chuuya lets go of Dazai's face.
he's a little confused, staring down at the bed. his voice is barely a whisper when he speaks again.
"...why?"
"because you... deserve it?" Chuuya says it like it's plain, a fact.
"...but i don't?"
"...but you do?" Chuuya's the one who frowns, now.
"...me?" Dazai can't look up at him. he stares at his hands. "me, of all people? Dazai Osamu?"
"yes, you." Chuuya nods.
Dazai can't help but laugh. it's so stupid. apart from Chuuya, who's been with him forever, who else cares? who else could care for Dazai fucking Osamu, a suicidal man with skin like leather, crisscrossed with ugly scars and badly healed wounds? a man who took lives with no remorse and even now, when he's on the side of the light, can't bring himself to care or feel guilt?
a man as broken as he cannot be loved.
"Dazai." Chuuya breaks through his thoughts. oh, when did he start scratching his wrists again? "Dazai, look at me."
Dazai looks at Chuuya. small beads of blood well on his wrists.
"Dazai. you deserve to be loved."
"no."
"Dazai. you've been put through enough. you-"
"no!"
"Dazai!"
"Chuuya, stop!"
silence. Dazai shakes his head. "no. stop it. they don't... they don't care."
"...why?"
"because. i'm... me." Dazai gestures helplessly to himself.
"and? what's wrong with you?"
Dazai looks up at Chuuya. he sighs.
"okay. fine. yes, you're ex-Mafia, and you were the fucking 'demon prodigy', and you have hundreds of kills under your belt. you barely have any fucking morals, and you're batshit insane at times."
Dazai frowns and looks away. "exactly."
"but! but. i'm not done yet, Dazai, listen."
Dazai pouts.
"the Mafia forced that onto you. you were a child and you were taught to kill. they broke you inside out, fucked over your mental health, and thoroughly screwed you over." Chuuya takes a deep breath. his voice grows softer. "but you've changed."
Dazai's head snaps up. "what? no, i haven't. i still..."
he still has no morals, no purpose, no will to live. the only thing that's changed is his job position.
"but you have. Dazai, you rescued an orphan. would you have done that in the Mafia?"
Dazai blinks. realization dawns on his face. "...no. i wouldn't."
"that's right. but you did. you saved an orphan, fed him, and now he's working with you."
Dazai nods shakily. "i guess that is what happened."
"you left the Mafia to work for our enemy. you're saving lives as opposed to taking them. even your fucking wardrobe has brightened up, for fucks sake." Chuuya gestures to his khaki overcoat. "my point is, Dazai. you are broken, fucked beyond repair, but you're still finding enough empathy in that broken heart of yours to care for others. and so people care for you in turn."
Dazai blinks. opens and closes his mouth. blinks again. he settles for nodding dumbly.
"there." Chuuya huffs. "people care for you."
Dazai's eyes begin to well with tears. he blinks them away, heart constricting uncomfortably.
"...yeah." he chokes out. "i guess they do."