Archive of Our Own

Jisung was never a planner. Life wasn’t a race to him, it was more of a casual swim. He let the water push him where it thought he needed to go, occasionally paddling his way towards things that interested him, but mostly just going with the flow. That’s how he ended up as an idol. He knew he wanted to make music; he always knew he wanted to express his emotions through his lyrics. It made sense to him. But the path didn’t really matter much to him. 

Meeting Minho was the same. He came into Jisung’s life at the last minute. Jisung had been selected by Chan years prior to produce music as a trio along with Changbin, so debuting with them was always a given. The others came gradually over the three years Jisung was a trainee. But Minho? Minho showed up a month before their debut showcase, and for some reason, Chan decided he was worth it. 

Jisung loved him immediately. He loved his humor, he loved his determination, he loved how open he was, he loved his tsundere personality -- maybe because Jisung saw through it instantly, he’d always thought Minho was always a softie. 

It wasn’t until a few months after their debut that Jisung realized he loved Minho. The realization didn’t hit him the way he thought it should. He spent a lot of his time reading and watching things like dramas and anime, and whenever those characters realized something like their sexual orientation, it was always a big moment. A turning point. But for Jisung… maybe he always sort of knew. Or maybe he didn’t mind because loving Minho wasn’t something of a grand realization to him. Because loving Minho felt right. It felt like it was something he was always meant to do. 

So he told him. 

He told him he believed they were soulmates one night when they were lying awake together squished in the bottom bunk of Minho’s shared room. Minho giggled at the sudden confession, but he agreed. Jisung wasn’t sure Minho knew how much weight that title held for him until about a month later. 

It was the first night of their first world tour when Minho pushed him up against the wall backstage. Jisung was half-dressed for the second half of the concert when Minho’s hands were on his chest and his lips were on Jisung’s. Jisung remembered thinking that Minho kissed the way he danced. It was all passion, and confidence, and absolutely took Jisung’s breath away.

It took a while longer before he got Minho to admit his feelings, but Jisung thought he’d never been happier than he was when Minho told him. 

They agreed to stay quiet, hide in plain sight, never confirm anything, never make anything official. Jisung understood the reason. And for a while, it was okay, he didn’t mind it because it was always him that Minho came to when he needed someone most.

Until… until he wasn’t.

It was slow, but Jisung noticed. 

When Minho came to his room and admitted to being at the dorm for a few hours already; when Minho was down and it was Chan’s arms he went to instead of Jisung’s; when sleeping in Chan’s bed became something semi-regular rather than a rarity… Jisung noticed.

It might’ve been when they were shooting the music video for Blueprint that Jisung started to notice that seeing Minho and Chan together hurt. They had a few different solo shoots together that day and Jisung couldn’t help but notice that Minho looked at Chan like… well the way Jisung was used to seeing Minho look at him.  

After that, Jisung couldn’t stop watching them interact even when he knew it would hurt. 

Minho made Chan laugh on days Chan looked like he could hardly stand on his own, much less will himself to put on a show for the cameras. He had this ability to pull Chan out of his head and get him to smile and play around with him when anyone else could barely get two words out of their leader. 

Chan constantly gushed about how cute Minho was to anyone who would listen: his members, his friends, strangers, staff, even to Stay while filming his lives. He adored Minho and it wasn’t a secret. He was also one of the few people that Minho would allow to touch him for prolonged periods of time. Chan would scoop him into his arms, lay his head on his shoulder, or simply sit with his arm around him. And Minho would let him with minimal complaint.

What they had was special. Anyone could see it.

The part that was so confusing about this though, was it might’ve been easier to process if Jisung knew that Minho was falling out of love with him, but he wasn’t. He still smiled at him like he was his favorite person in the world, still looked at him like he was the only person in the room, still showed up at practice on occasion with an extra coffee for Jisung in the morning, still held him close when Jisung couldn’t escape the maze of his own mind, still kissed him where the cameras couldn’t reach them, and pushed him into his mattress on nights they didn’t crash from exhaustion. 

Jisung wanted to blame Chan too, but he just couldn’t. Chan meant so much to him. They’d quite literally saved each other from what could have been something very dark. Jisung came into Chan’s life when he was at his lowest and gave him hope when he’d already begun to give up on his dream. Chan had given him the “sunshine” nickname and it held a different weight in his voice knowing how deeply depressed he’d been before Jisung came into his life. 

Comparably, Chan showed Jisung what it meant to be strong when he was hurting. Chan showed him how to find family in people whose blood wasn’t his own; he encouraged him when he thought he wasn’t enough for them and reverted to shoving everyone away. Chan taught him that even when he was at his lowest, there was always going to be a reason to get back up.

With a bond like that, Jisung could never be upset with him for something like this. If Minho made him happy… Well, they weren’t dating. Jisung had no reason to object. And he would always prioritize Chan’s happiness.

Minho noticed Jisung’s shift. Of course he did. But Jisung didn’t know what to say when he asked what was wrong. He didn’t really know if the way Minho felt about Chan was the same as the way he felt about him. It was just observation and… a gut feeling. 

That morning, Jisung left his room to get coffee, still half asleep to see Chan with his arms caging Minho against the counter as they spoke. Minho was sipping coffee as Chan babbled about his schedule for the day. They looked content like that… comfortable. 

“...and then I’m going to head to the studio until I have to get to bed.”

“Ooh a 3racha studio session,” Minho teased.

“No,” Chan laughed. “Just me and Jisungie. Changbin is busy tonight.”

“Speak of the devil,” Minho mumbled after he spied Jisung walking towards the kitchen, smiling into his mug. 

Chan stood up quickly, moving his hands away from Minho like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Jisung looked down and then back up to Chan, where he was conveniently looking away. 

“Morning,” Jisung eventually voiced, moving towards the two. Chan leaned against the opposite counter and Minho moved to kiss the top of Jisung’s head.

“Here’s your coffee,” Minho mentioned with a light, even tone, pushing a mug towards him. “I saved you some because Hyunjin and Changbin were going to drain the pot before you got up.”

Minho was always this way. He never acted like he’d been caught doing anything wrong. Because… well he hadn’t. He and Chan hadn’t been caught doing anything. Minho didn’t belong to anyone, much less Jisung, and his casual attitude always reminded Jisung of that simple fact. Chan’s guilt, though? It always threw Jisung into a whirlpool of emotions.

“Jagiya,” Jisung sighed, taking the warm cup into his hands. “You really do love me. Thank you.”

He hummed, then placed his now empty mug into the sink and walked towards the door. 

“I’m leaving,” he announced in true Minho fashion, then he was gone with little more than a wave in farewell. 

Jisung snorted and Chan shook his head fondly at the closed door. He turned around and saw Jisung holding his coffee where Minho had left him and cleared his throat. He looked around the room semi-awkwardly, then announced he was going to shower before they left for practice. Jisung hummed as Chan left the room looking a little rushed. Jisung refused to spend any more time considering the way he felt about Chan’s actions and wandered back to his own room as he finished his coffee. 

He placed the half-empty mug on his desk so he could rummage around for dance practice clothes in his closet, and when he looked back over, he noticed which mug Minho had chosen for him. It was something Hyunjin hand painted for him for one of his birthdays, and sent somewhere to be properly sealed. It was mostly dark blue, but Hyunjin had painted Howl holding a fallen star from one of Jisung’s comfort movies, Howl’s Moving Castle. It was Jisung’s favorite mug. He’d never explicitly told Minho it was, but Jisung used it any time it was clean and made sure to voice how much he loved it when Hyunjin gifted it to him, so it probably wasn’t hard to figure out. Besides, Minho was observant that way. If Jisung ever said that to him, he’d deny it was true. But it was Minho’s nature, they all knew it.

He smiled and finished off the bitter liquid. Then he selected a white sweatshirt that was draped on his desk chair and some loose fitting jeans for dance practice. It worked fine for now, and for his other schedules he would be dressed by the staff so, it didn’t really matter what he wore now. 

The rest of the day went by slowly. It started with dance practice, which was never fun first thing in the morning. Usually they saved that for the evenings, but that wasn’t possible today, so they had to settle for a morning slot. 

Minho was always quiet in the mornings, and as the one leading practice, he often set the mood. Sometimes he was playful. Those days were the best because no one was safe from Minho’s teasing. Everyone would leave practice feeling a little lighter than they came and it was all because of Minho.

Today, though, he was a little more serious. It was what Jeongin called “Work Mode Lino-hyung.” It was sort of true. He was always attentive, but when he was quiet, he seemed even sharper somehow. He seemed more like The Dance Leader rather than just… Lino leading practice.

Today, Felix was having an off day. Honestly, Jisung didn’t think he looked all that bad. He was hitting the moves on beat, but he supposed from a dance-line perspective his energy was lacking and his movements weren’t all that sharp so they began to blend together. So when they had a break, he watched him run the dance over and over again with Hyunjin and Changbin while Minho left with Seungmin to get a drink. 

Felix had already been up for hours. Jisung knew he had a photoshoot before practice even began, so he was gone before the sun was even up to start his schedule. He didn’t even look tired though; it sort of amazed Jisung. Jisung thought that he always looked tired, so the way some of his members managed to look so alive all the time baffled him. 

He’d mentioned that before to Changbin and, true to Changbin’s nature, he told Jisung that not all of the members struggled against their own minds on the daily and that he shouldn’t be hard on himself for that. He supposed that was true. He wasn’t the only member who struggled with his mental health though, Chan did as well, and he knew Felix and Hyunjin had been in dark places in the past. Jisung loved Changbin and how straight forward he was, though, because before he even mentioned anything about that, he was already telling Jisung that he would never judge the others for their off-days so he shouldn’t do it to himself either. 

When Minho and Seungmin came back, Seungmin sat next to Jisung on the couch and let his head fall on Jisung’s shoulder. Jisung thought that, in a lot of ways, he loved Seungmin for the same reasons as Changbin. Though in some ways, Changbin was softer than Seungmin was. 

Last week, Jisung had been especially stressed and forgot to eat more than one meal a day. He supposed he must have lost weight because the others began to take notice and Seungmin decided to take matters into his own hands. He waited until they were on camera to tell Jisung to take care of himself better. It was a trap and Jisung knew it. He couldn’t tell Seungmin ‘no’ or ‘it’s fine’ because that wouldn’t go over well. So, he apologized and said he'd be more careful. And so he was. Seungmin was a menace but he always meant well and Jisung loved him.

He probably could tell something was off, Seungmin was good at that. He always spent extra time with whichever member he knew needed it most. Jisung thought Changbin and Seungmin could afford to pay extra attention to the others because they weren’t constantly trying to fight a losing battle against their own minds. He appreciated them for their efforts. The members were strangely good at filling in each other's gaps.  

Minho was the same way, though if Minho was struggling he would simply keep it to himself. Jisung knew him better than that now, though. He knew could ask him about it and, though they didn’t have many serious conversations together, if Jisung just brought it to Minho’s attention, it would do him some good in the end. But if he really needed it… Minho had Chan.

After practice, Jisung was the last to leave the practice studio. When he left the room, he was a little surprised to see that Minho was leaning against the wall, tapping on his phone. Almost like he was waiting for him to come out. 

“Jagiya, what are you doing here?”

“Enjoying the draft,” Minho replied without a beat.

Jisung gave him a weird look. 

“Wanna go get lunch?” he added.

Jisung shrugged his bag on his shoulder. “Um, I don’t know. I was going to get a head start on my lyrics.”

Minho looked up from his phone. He clicked it off and slid it in his pocket. “Okay. I’ll come with you then.”

“Well… you should still get something to eat. You worked hard.”

“Maybe, but I’d rather keep you company.”

Jisung sighed heavily.

“Where do you want to eat?”

Minho smiled. 

They ended up at a barbeque restaurant and Minho was happily grilling meat while Jisung watched. Even if he wanted to help, Minho wouldn’t let him. He’d always been that way. Minho was always one to show his love for others through acts of service and careful observation rather than through his words. He was very action oriented. Minho would do things like buy Jeongin’s favorite snack on his way home because he mentioned it a few days ago, or pick up something random he saw just because it reminded him of a member. He’d point out specific things like a flower he remembered was Seungmin’s favorite or pull Jisung outside during the sunset because he remembered he said it was the most beautiful time of day.

Because of this, they didn’t do a lot of talking when they were together, at least not about anything very important. But Jisung wouldn’t trade that for anything. He loved simply being in Minho’s presence and he knew Minho felt the same. 

After a while of only the sizzling of meat on the grill to fill the comfortable silence between them, Minho spoke up. He sounded a little troubled, which immediately caught Jisung’s attention.

“You know I’m always here for you, right?” he questioned without looking up.

Jisung blinked.

“Of course,” he answered. “Why?”

“Well… I…” he paused and pursed his lips for a long moment before he finally opened his mouth hesitantly to continue. “I know I don’t tell you a lot, not as much as you tell me, but I love you, Jisung, and I worry about you.” He cleared his throat and looked away, then added. “Sometimes.”

He looked Jisung in the eye, finally, and Jisung saw sincere worry looking back at him.

“I know that,” he replied quietly.

Minho nodded. “And when you get sad, you usually tell me why eventually, but recently you’re quiet.”

Not for the first time, Jisung cursed himself for making Minho worry because of course he noticed . But once again, Jisung didn’t know what to say. He felt sufficiently terrible for worrying Minho but he didn’t know how to approach the conversation.

He smiled in a way he hoped was reassuring and shrugged. “Is that why you wanted to get lunch?”

“No,” Minho said seriously. “But while I was sitting here, I kept thinking about it. And I wanted to ask you why you’ve been so sad. And if it was my fault.”

Jisung shook his head before Minho was even finished talking. Whatever he was upset about, he was never upset with Minho. Losing Minho? Maybe. His feelings regarding Minho? Sure. But Minho himself? Never. 

“No, jagi, it’s not because of you. I’m sorry. I really just can’t put my finger on it right now. You know I trust you so much. I just… I don’t know and I think it’s making me feel worse that I don’t.”

Minho nodded once. He looked like he believed him but it didn’t make him look any less upset.

Jisung smiled softly and reached out to hold Minho’s hand. 

“But, truthfully, this is helping. Being with you always makes me feel a little better. Safer. You make me feel comfortable and understood.”

“Really?”

“I would never lie about something like that. Especially not to you, Lee Minho.”

“Ooh you full-named me,” he giggled. 

Jisung pushed him lightly and Minho giggled some more before beginning to plate their meal. And Jisung felt a little lighter. But of course he did. That’s just how Minho was. That’s what he did.

When they returned to the company building, they had to film a few sets of interviews with the others and go over some new ‘media rules’ that Jisung knew he’d just zone out during. 

(He did.)

Then, before he knew it, the day was nearly over and the time on his phone read 11pm. That was when Jisung said he’d meet Chan at the studio a few days ago, so he rubbed his eyes and walked up the few flights of stairs to Chan’s studio. 

When he got there, his leader was already slumped over the desk in front of him with his eyes glued to the monitor and his headphones on. His back was arched forward in a way that looked almost painful as he worked on arranging the files they already had. 

When Jisung walked in, Chan barely looked up, which immediately put Jisung on edge. The energy in the room was already putting him off and Chan’s body language wasn’t helping ease it. 

He decided to raise his hand in greeting as he plopped into the seat next to Chan and he only nodded in response. Jisung tried to hide his frown as he dug around for his phone in his bag. Chan didn’t even take off his headphones. He always took off his headphones to say hello to him. 

When Jisung finally fished his phone out, he opened his notes app so he could look over the half-finished lyrics he’d been typing sporadically as he thought of them. That’s why he was here. To finish his lyrics and run them by Chan until they had a solid draft. 

And that’s what Jisung tried to do. Truly he did. But two hours in, he had barely doubled the amount of words he had when he started, and that was only about half of what he needed to finish. He still hadn’t exchanged more than necessities with Chan, which was making Jisung more and more anxious as the minutes ticked along. He was vaguely aware of his rapidly shaking right leg as he tried to concentrate on his work, but focusing was nearly impossible in these conditions. 

He was about to announce he was going to go on a walk to clear his head when his phone started to ring. He tilted his head when he saw that it was Minho calling, wondering what he needed at this time of night, but swiped to answer the call anyway.

When he spoke to greet his friend, Chan moved one of his headphones, assuming Jisung was talking to him, but quickly realized he was on a phone call and looked back at the screen.

“Han-ah Han-ah Han-ah!”

“Hm?” 

“I’m at your dorm.”

Jisung made a funny expression. “Why? You know I’m not there right now.”

“Mmm I was tired. I worked out today.”

“You work out every day,” then he knitted his brows together. “Who let you in?

Minho ignored him. 

“Do you have pudding?”

“I don’t think so,” Jisung answered, then interrupted himself. “Wait, why are you there? Isn't your dorm closer?”

“Yes, yes. I just called to tell you I’m here.”

Jisung snorted. “Okay, hyung.”

“And that I might fall asleep in your bed after I use your shower.”

“Okay, I’ll be home to be your little spoon in like,” he checked the time. “Maybe an hour?”

Minho hummed on the other side. “Night, Jisung-ah. Dream of me.”

“What? I’m not--”

He heard the sound of the call ending and he checked his phone to see the screen was blank and he shook his head fondly. He never knew what was going to come out of talking with Minho.

When he looked up from his phone he noticed Chan had stopped working and never repositioned his headphones. Jisung opened his mouth to apologize for interrupting and started to wonder if he should have stepped out, when he noticed his leader’s expression.

His bottom lip was red from where he’d been biting it, trying not to let them tremble and give away his true emotion. But his eyes revealed it anyway. The sadness pooled there like a blackhole that overtook any other emotion Chan tried to feel and tears collected in his lashline where Chan refused to let them fall.

Jisung closed his mouth. Chan rarely ever showed vulnerability like this around the younger members. He knew Chan didn’t like when his bigger emotions were acknowledged, so Jisung was running through his head, trying to come up with the best way to handle this when Chan suddenly looked over at him and their gazes locked.

He took a big breath in and closed his eyes, letting the tears drop quickly onto his shorts. Then he said in a small voice, disturbed with emotion:

“Why does he like you … Why does he choose you?” 

It was at that exact moment in time that something clicked for Jisung. He realized that the torment he’d been battling about Chan and Minho was exactly how Chan had apparently been feeling about Jisung and Minho this whole time. He understood then that Chan had been hurting about Minho liking Jisung this whole time… but for Chan it was probably worse because he didn’t have the comfort that Jisung did of knowing Minho’s feelings for him in return.

Everything fell together at once. The way he’d been feeling for months made sense, and the reason for everything that Jisung had been struggling with was suddenly so obvious to him. The guilt he’d been shoving down and making him feel sick suddenly had a name and a face. 

Jisung was hit so hard with a feeling of overwhelming empathy and… something a little stronger too as he looked at his leader. Jisung saw a stray tear slip from his eye and Chan moved quickly to swipe it away. His nose was a little red and his eyelashes were wet now. He could see the emotion in his eyes and it was like he was looking in a mirror. It was like he was seeing the exact same swirls of fervor and sorrow in Chan’s eyes that he felt in his own chest on the daily. 

Then, like it was an impulse, Jisung moved forward and slid his hand so it fit on the base of Chan’s neck, and brought his lips to Chan’s. Chan didn’t move at first, so the kiss was merely Jisung’s lips gently planted on Chan’s, then Jisung tilted his head just so and Chan seemed to let go. He allowed Jisung access and pulled him closer, with a hesitant hand on his waist. Chan was sweet and warm and gentle, exactly like Jisung thought he would be. He could taste the salt from his tears and feel the rapid thumps from his heart in his chest and Jisung deepened the kiss like it could heal all of Chan’s hurt. He wished it would. And when he eventually pulled back from him, Jisung didn’t move very far, just enough so he could look back into Chan’s eyes.

They were quiet for a moment, the entire studio was so silent. Then Jisung breathed in and asked, “Channie,” it was barely above a whisper, “you love Minho?”

“I…” Chan breathed in like a wince “but you love Minho.” He shook his head and Jisung watched as little wrinkles formed between his eyebrows. “Jisung why did you—” Jisung shook his head to silence his question and leaned up to smooth the patterns out on his forehead with the pad of his thumb.

“Chan all this time… seeing you with Minho hurt me in a way I couldn't quite describe. But I think I understand why now. Because I love Minho, more than I probably should,” Jisung admitted with a pitiful laugh, “and seeing him with someone that means so much to me… seeing the way you look at him … and the way he looks at you? I think…” Jisung paused, suddenly afraid of the confession he was about to make. It was rash. He knew it. But something told him to put everything on the table for Chan. “I think I want that too.” 

Chan considered Jisung’s words for a moment before he said:

“Minho does look at you like that, Ji..”

“No, Hyung. I think.. I think I want you to look at me like that too. Minho... Minho's falling in love with you,” he said seriously. He didn’t wait for Chan’s reaction before he was moving on. “I know that to be true because it already happened to me. I know what it looks like when he’s in love. But the thing is… he’s not falling out of love with me.” Jisung paused. “I don't think even Minho understands what that means. He knows what he feels, but he’s bad at talking about it,” Jisung chuckled through a sad, but fond smile. Then he looked back towards Chan and reached forward for his hands. He waited until he accepted them before he continued, slowly and seriously. “Channie... you can love Minho like I love Minho. Minho can love you like he loves me. That’s okay. ” He stressed with sincere eyes.

Chan breathed for a moment before meeting Jisung’s eyes again. 

“And you?”

“Hm?”

“Could you love me like you love Minho?” 

Jisung smiled. “That depends, Channie. It’s a two way street, you know? Could you love me that way?” 

Chan nodded once. “I think I could. You mean a lot to me. You’ve always meant so much to me in a way I always chose to ignore. You always held such a big place in my heart it was overwhelming. I thought I didn't know what that meant, but... I don't know,” he paused and took a deep breath. “Let me make sure, Hannie? I don't want to rush into this. I don't want to say I love you just because of how I feel about Minho and how he potentially feels about us.”

“Okay,” Jisung nodded.

Chan nodded in return, then he asked, timidly, seriously, “Are we okay?”

Jisung smiled softly. “Of course.” 

When Jisung returned to the dorm later that night, he nearly forgot that Minho called him to warn him he’d be there. But it was a nice surprise when Jisung entered anyway. 

He felt a smile overtake his features as he dropped his bag near the doorway to his bedroom. Minho was half-curled in the middle of Jisung’s bed with his face tucked into his arms. He always looked so small when he slept and his small, steady breaths always reminded Jisung of a cat’s. 

Jisung quickly swapped his jeans for gym shorts and his sweatshirt for a t-shirt and slipped into bed next to Minho. It was warm under the blankets and Jisung felt his eyelids droop just at the thought of being held by Minho. He didn’t even realize how tired he was until now. The day had really taken a toll on him. 

He faced Minho at first so he could kiss the crown of his head. It caused Minho to stir a little bit and scrunch his nose as he began to wake and Jisung smoothed his hair a few times to try to lull him back to sleep. 

“Night Minho-yah. Sleep peacefully,” Jisung mumbled as he began to turn so his back would press against Minho’s chest instead.

He didn’t hear Minho move again so he thought he might have fallen back asleep until suddenly his arms were wrapped around Jisung’s waist like a belt. Jisung squeaked as he pulled him tight against his chest and kissed the back of his neck gently. Jisung squirmed as his heart struggled to keep steady.

“You’re so tiny Jisung-ah,” Minho said as he breathed in deeply. Jisung could feel it on his nape. “Wanna keep you here forever.” 

“Hmm in bed? Or pulled in close to you?” 

Minho didn’t reply but he didn’t loosen his grip either as his breaths began to even out again. 

Jisung threaded his fingers in Minho’s and traced a simple pattern on the back of his hand with his thumb. He started to drift into sleep himself surrounded by nothing by the man he loved. His sheets smelled like him, his warmth engulfed him, his face was buried in his neck. 

Jisung sighed as his eyes slipped closed and thought about how this feeling couldn’t be described as anything other than love. The way his heartbeat slowed and his anxiety eased when Minho was with him, the fact that he always slept a million times better if Minho stayed with him, and the feeling of complete comfort because there’s nothing he could do that Minho would judge him for… Jisung knew what that was. This was love. 

And he thought that if this is the effect he had on others, it was really no wonder Chan had fallen for Minho too. 

Jisung woke to Minho’s voice, accompanied by the sweet sound of his laugh, light and airy in his ear. He rolled over and blinked up to see Minho already looking down at him. He ran his fingers through Jisung’s hair and then hummed again. That’s when Jisung saw he was on the phone. 

“Morning Minho-yah,” he said, his voice gravelly from sleep. 

“Ugh, jagi,” he whined in return, covering the speaker for a moment, “your voice is sexy in the morning. Don’t distract me right now.”

“Hm?” Jisung vocalized. He yawned and sat up a bit to look at Minho’s phone. “Ah, good morning Mrs. Lee.”

“Is that Jisung-ah?”

Minho hummed in response. 

“Put him on!”

Minho turned the phone on speaker. 

“Good morning, how are the kids doing?” Jisung asked. He rubbed his eyes and smiled as he spoke towards the phone.

“Hmm they miss Minho of course. Dori has found a new favorite toy.”

“Which one is that?”

“None of the new ones we bought him, of course. He likes old wooden pencils right now.”

“Oh that’s so cute,” Jisung gushed. “Do you have videos of him?”

“Of course.”

Jisung beamed and looked up at Minho to see he was already looking over at him with a soft expression.

After catching up with Minho’s mom for a few minutes more, and cooing over the cats and a few videos she sent to Minho’s phone, Minho tilted the phone towards him and whined, “Eomma, what about me?”

She giggled, “I love you, baby. You should keep Jisung-ah. He’s good for you. I see you smile most when he’s with you.”

“Mmm I wouldn’t dream of letting him get away.” 

Jisung let his eyes wander Minho’s face as he clicked the phone off speaker and held it to his ear. He smiled slowly as his mom spoke to him and studied Jisung as he listened to her. 

Jisung leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose and watched Minho’s ears burn red before he rolled out of bed to head towards the bathroom. 

While he brushed his teeth, he listened for any movement from Hyunjin’s room that would signal he was awake. He didn’t hear anything from Hyunjin’s side, but he did hear Chan singing from the kitchen and his heart lifted. 

He wanted to go out into their common space just so he could sit in Chan’s company and watch him patter around the kitchen and sing to himself as he cooked breakfast. There was something heartwarming about watching Chan simply exist. He’d probably make Jisung coffee too, Jisung knew from experience he would. That’s just how Chan was.

He loved Chan’s voice too. It had been so long since their leader had been around the dorm long enough for Jisung to hear him sing like that. It felt… domestic. That thought alone pulled somewhere vulnerable in Jisung’s chest and made it ache terribly. 

When Jisung wandered back into his room, Minho sighed from his flopped position on the bed.

“Sung-ah,” he whined, “my mom loves you more than me.”

Jisung huffed a laugh. Minho sat up and reached out to pull Jisung to the edge of the bed by his hips, then slipped his fingers under his shirt so he could slide his fingertips against the warm skin of Jisung’s torso. 

He leaned up so he could press a kiss to Jisung’s lips. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Hm?” Jisung asked, widening his eyes. “Nothing, jagi. We should start to get ready, right? What time is it.”

“‘S only 9:00 right now. We have time,” Minho dipped his thumbs under his waistband and traced circles on Jisung’s hip bones. He studied Jisung’s face, then asked, “Wanna take a shower? We have time.”

Jisung nodded. “Come with me?”

Minho smiled. “Oh, you thought I would miss out on a chance to have you alone? Think again, jagiya,” he sang as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and carefully picked him up with an arm around his thigh so that Jisung was draped over his shoulder. “The warm water will make you feel better, yeah? And a few kisses from me can’t hurt, right?”

Jisung shook his head with a smile.

True to Minho’s word, he did kiss Jisung gently under the warm stream of water, but only after he washed Jisung’s hair for him. He also mumbled praises against his neck and into his ear as he massaged knots out of his shoulders and hummed a sweet melody that got lost in the rush of the shower stream as his hands explored Jisung’s body. When he finally leaned in, though, Minho’s lips were warm and inviting. He slid his fingers up Jisung’s chest and through his damp hair. He tilted Jisung’s jaw to his preference and slid his tongue against the seam of his lips until Jisung granted him permission to explore within. And if he left a few bruises along Jisung’s collar and down his chest, well then that was their business. 

Minho encouraged Jisung to put on warm, comfy clothes while he finished washing his own hair and he told him that would meet him in the kitchen when he was done. 

Jisung decided to let his hair air-dry for now as he pulled on a sweatshirt that was most definitely Minho’s. But it was one of his favorites. It was dark gray with a white dove on the back, oversized so that Jisung nearly drowned in the fabric. And the best part was that, even though Jisung had stolen it months ago, it still smelled like Minho.

He tugged on sweatpants and mismatched fuzzy socks he suspected were actually Changbin’s and shuffled towards the kitchen.

When he wandered out of his room, the first thing he noticed was that it was raining outside now. Pouring, really. The rain was pounding against the window and Jisung could hardly see outside of it. He hadn’t seen rain like that in a long time. It was sort of mesmerizing.

“Kinda crazy right?” Chan’s voice carried from across the room. Jisung turned to look at him. He leaned over the counter just watching Jisung as he continued, “I just got off the phone actually. Our schedule was canceled today so we have a sort of unexpected day off.”

“Because of the rain?”

“No, apparently half of the camera crew caught some illness and they didn’t want to risk us getting it too. But it’s kind of a good day to stay in, right?”

Jisung hummed. “What about Binnie and Hyunjin? They left already, didn't they?”

Chan nodded and leaned on one elbow. “Changbin went to the gym but ended up stopping to see Seungmin before coming back here. He texted me to tell me he was going to just stay there because he didn’t want to walk back in the rain. Hyunjin finished up his meetings this morning and he and Innie went to get breakfast together but they got stuck in the rain halfway back.”

Chan giggled and turned his phone around to see a picture of Hyunjin and Jeongin both soaking wet, standing on towels in the middle of the dorm’s floor. Hyunjin’s hair was sticking to his face so Jisung couldn’t even really see his eyes, his mouth was in a tight-lipped smile and he had his hand raised in a peace sign. Jeongin was smiling wide with his wet hair parted and slicked down the sides with his hand curled in a thumbs up outstretched towards the camera. Jisung could practically hear his laugh through the photo.

He laughed with a hand over his mouth and Chan pulled his phone back. 

“So right now it’s just you and me… and… and Minho.”

Jisung hummed and moved to the coffee machine to make a pot for him and Minho when Chan caught him by his arm. 

Jisung looked down at him and raised an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

Chan moved his hand away and placed it on the back of his own neck instead. “I actually already made you some. Yours is in the freezer so it would cool down faster. I know you like iced coffee. Minho’s is too…”

Jisung moved towards the freezer to see that Chan had in fact made them coffee and stuck around so he could tell them they didn’t need to make any. 

He bounced back over to him and hugged him tight. “Thank you Channie, you didn’t have to. Honestly I was just going to order it after pretending like I tried to make some.”

“I know, Hannie,” he smiled, shaking his head, “but now you don’t have to waste your money.”

Jisung giggled and Chan craned his neck so he could look at him with a tilted head. “What?”

He moved away from Chan and leaned against the counter opposite to him instead. “I was just remembering the first time you made coffee for me.”

Chan winced. “No, I’d rather you didn’t.”

Jisung smiled wide. “It was maybe the worst coffee I’ve ever had. But that’s one of my favorite memories.”

“It is?”

Jisung hummed and nodded rapidly.

“Why?”

“Because,” Jisung said, shrugging, “before then you had this reputation of being a scary senior trainee. You were a fantastic singer, advanced dancer, skilled rapper, and knew your way around a recording studio. It was super intimidating and you played it up too. You were so jaded.” he giggled.

“I don’t know if you’re one to talk, Han Jisung,” Chan smiled, crossing his arms.

“Shush, I’m telling a fond memory here,” Jisung said. “But, anyway, it was like a month into knowing you and I was having one of the worst weeks of my life. I remember… I remember this was before my parents moved back from abroad and I hadn’t seen my family in months. They’d just called to tell me they weren’t coming back to Korea anytime soon and I was upset. Um… we had to do those mandatory psych evaluations back then and it was that week that I got my first diagnosis of… um depression and social anxiety I think, which I wasn't very happy about. I was also irritated because I couldn’t perfect the choreo for my upcoming monthly eval with the company and it felt like everything was going wrong.”

Jisung shook his head and Chan smiled but his eyes were sad. Jisung knew he remembered this time too.

“I remember we were in the studio and I fell asleep on the couch. I didn’t mean to, of course, and, I mean now I do it all the time, but back then it was a big deal because I was still trying to make a good impression and show the company I could be professional and all that. When I woke up I panicked because I just knew I was going to get yelled at, but you were the only one in the room. You just turned around and handed me a cup of coffee that you probably made in the lounge and told me I must have been really tired. And that was it.”

Chan shook his head and covered his face.

“It was this massive turning point for me because it showed me that you were just a trainee too. I really thought that was going to be the end of my dreams of producing music and I would go back to just training vocals and rap like everyone else. But you didn’t make a big deal of it. You understood how hard it was, and you showed me that you were kind and capable of making mistakes just like anyone else… if the terrible coffee was anything to go by.”

Chan groaned. “I’m better at it now!”

“You are,” Jisung giggled.

“I didn’t know that, though,” Chan said quietly after a moment.

Jisung shrugged. “You don’t know a lot of things.”

Minho appeared from Jisung’s room then with a towel half-draped over his head and his face in his phone.

Jisung looked up when Chan did, and moved towards him, smiling fondly at Minho’s antics. He pulled the towel off his head and Minho didn’t even flinch at the contact.

“Hyunjin-ah told me that we have a day off. Is he a liar?” Minho asked while Jisung moved the towel to finish drying Minho’s hair.

“No, he’s telling the truth,” Chan confirmed, moving towards the freezer so he could hand Minho his coffee. 

He blinked when Chan offered it to him and accepted the cup. He sipped the cold liquid and tilted his head. “Did Jisung make this?”

“No, Chan did,” Jisung answered, draping the towel around Minho’s shoulders to catch any potential drips from his semi-dry hair. Minho hummed happily. “Why?” Jisung asked.

“I could tell.”

“What do you mean?” Chan asked.

“You two make coffee differently.” Minho shrugged. “Anyway, if we don’t have anything to do, should we watch anime?”

“Yes!” Jisung said, lighting up. We haven’t watched the new season of Spy x Family. Can we watch that?” He turned to Chan hopefully and saw he was already looking towards Minho. There was an affectionate smile sitting plainly on his lips. Jisung looked between them and saw they were having some sort of silent conversation, which Jisung failed to interpret.

Then Chan moved towards Jisung and scooped him into his arms. 

“Course, Hannie, who would we be if we said no to you?”

“Hey! Put me down,” he pouted half-heartedly. 

“Sorry, no can do! Maybe you shouldn’t be so scoopable,” Chan shrugged, keeping Jisung suspended like he weighed absolutely nothing. 

Minho couldn’t keep a smile off his face either as he plopped onto the couch and clicked through their plethora of streaming services until he found what Jisung wanted to watch and only then did Chan deposit him onto the couch.

He huffed as he landed onto the cushions and immediately snuggled up into Minho’s side. He mindlessly adjusted to make room for him there and Chan took the remote from Minho. He set the T.V. volume a few notches higher, then let his arm drape over Jisung’s shoulders.

They ended up watching various anime all day long, breaking briefly to have lunch that Minho insisted on cooking for them. Chan and Jisung tried to persuade him to just order in, but when he looked at them blankly and asked when the last time either of them ate anything that wasn’t delivery or instant ramyeon, they quickly backed down and let Minho have his way. 

Jisung knew Minho was a good cook, but he often forgot how good eating his food was until he had the privilege again. He whined about how good the other members had it because they could have Minho’s cooking practically every night. Chan shot back that if Jisung asked, Minho would cook for him every night too. Jisung smiled into his food and kept quiet because that might hold a little truth. 

After gushing over Minho’s food for a little while longer (because watching Minho get flustered was adorable and he was terrible at taking compliments if they were persistent), Chan and Jisung forced him back onto the couch as they washed the dishes. Or… more accurately, Chan washed the dishes and Jisung put them away as he sat on the counter next to the cabinets and sang to himself happily. 

Jisung didn’t realize how much he needed a day to himself. Oftentimes if they had a day off, they knew in advance. Some of the members would head home for the day, make plans together, or meet with friends, but given the last minute warning and the extreme weather, this was a circumstance Jisung didn’t often find himself in. And he thought that, squished between two of his favorite people in the world, mindlessly watching some of his favorite shows, this might be his favorite way to spend his days off. He wished this could happen every time. He wished that Minho didn’t have to visit home, that Chan wouldn’t work overtime, that he wouldn’t let his own negative thoughts overtake him and keep him holed up in his room instead of asking for what he wanted. He often thought about it -- asking the others if they would spend time with him doing things like this -- but the fear of rejection greatly outweighed his desire to have company, so he spent most free days alone. 

But today he could cherish; today was special.

Sometime after the sun had set, Jisung got up from the couch to get a glass of water and find where he left his phone. He filled a glass of water and sipped it in the kitchen as he watched the raindrops stream down the windows. It had barely let up all day. Jisung was excited to go to sleep because he always slept better with the veil of rain outside his window to lull him to sleep and with Minho still here maybe he’d stay the night again.

When he finished the water, he wandered around until he located his phone that was sitting in the same spot he'd been helping Chan with the dishes earlier in the day. He slid it in his pocket without bothering to check his notifications and moved back towards the couch. When he reached the living room, he paused before he even got to the couch. 

When Jisung got up, Chan’s body must have slid over in his absence because his head was resting on Minho’s waist and he was dead asleep. Minho looked like he was asleep too, but only lightly. His arm was holding Chan tenderly and Chan’s hand was draped across Minho’s leg as they dozed off. Something warm filled Jisung’s chest when he looked at them together.

He debated for a moment before ultimately deciding against coming back and disturbing the comfortable set up they’d created. Instead he threw a fluffy blanket in the dryer as he moved to find a few spare pillows so they didn’t hurt their necks and gently moved them so he could slide the pillows under their heads. Then he pulled the blanket from the dryer and draped it over them so they could stay warm, turned off the TV and the lights in the common area, then planted small kisses on both of their foreheads before he retreated back into his bedroom. 

When he slipped under the covers that night, his bed suddenly felt a touch too big and he had a fleeting thought that it would take him a while to warm up before he could fall asleep. 

Jisung curled into himself and tucked his face into his covers. But… it was okay if it meant that Chan and Minho could stay together and be comfortable in each other's embrace. 

He would cherish today.

⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆

“You're so cute you know?” Chan said, shifting so he could look at Jisung fully.

Jisung rolled his eyes and put down his phone. “You just think that because I’m wearing your clothes.”

“Wrong,” Chan said through a huge smile. “I think that all the time.” Jisung gave him an unimpressed stare that was returned with a giggle. Then he admitted, “Fine, yes seeing you in my clothes definitely makes me feel things.”

“Yeah?” Jisung asked, moving so their noses were brushing. “What kind of things, Hyung?”

“Ah…” He said, clearing his throat and looking away as his face bloomed red.

Jisung snorted and moved so he was laying on his back again. Chan’s bed wasn’t nearly as comfortable as his, if he was being completely honest. But Jisung could sleep anywhere. Falling asleep wasn’t usually an issue, it was staying asleep that gave him trouble if anything. Sleeping with Chan, though, was something different. He would hold whoever was with him tight against his chest and Chan was always so warm and gentle, so it was one of the most comfortable places for Jisung to fall asleep and stay asleep. He would come in here more often, but Chan was hardly ever around. Jisung only caught him today because he was filming his live in his room rather than in the studio.

“Are you going to sleep tonight?” Jisung asked cheekily without looking up from his phone.

Chan reached over to brush Jisung’s hair back from his face. It was getting long. He hadn’t let it grow this long in a while. He always got mixed reviews from Stay when he did so he had trouble deciding if he liked it or not. The positive comments were overwhelmingly so, but as most negatives go, Jisung tended to focus on them, so it was a tough balance. He did like how much the others played in his hair recently, though, so maybe he’d keep it for a while longer. 

“Is that why you're here?” Chan asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It might have something to do with it.”

“So you’re telling me you came in here, stole my clothes, made me end my live early, and got into my bed, not because you wanted to spend time with me, but to manipulate me into going to bed instead of meeting my very important deadlines?” Chan asked with mock offense.

Jisung looked up and counted on his fingers like he was considering if Chan got everything, then he looked over and smiled wide. “Yup! I think that sums it up! Is it working?”

Chan closed his eyes and sighed heavily. 

Jisung giggled and snuggled close to him so he could bury his face in Chan’s chest. Chan pulled him closer and rolled over so Jisung was lying directly on his chest. Jisung smiled and let Chan run his hand up and down the length of his back while he listened to Chan’s heartbeat in steady increments. 

Chan was so careful with him, even when he moved to grab him and pull him onto his chest, his hands were soft and his grip was gentle. Jisung liked him so much. It almost hurt when he thought about how much he liked him. It was like there was a first around his heart and it was being squished more and more with the incredible fondness he felt every day for Bang Chan. 

He loved his dimples and the way his eyes nearly disappeared when he really smiled. He loved his dark curly hair and the confidence in his walk. He loved the tiny squeak at the end of his laughs, so quiet you would nearly miss it if you weren’t paying attention. But Jisung noticed, he waited for it every time since he first noticed it; he thought it was one of Channie’s most endearing traits. He loved how selfless he was. Even if it frustrated him to no end when he forgot to take care of himself, it just meant Jisung got the opportunity to do it for him. He loved the way he hums at the end of his sentences too; it almost reminded him of the way Minho hums at the beginning of his.

He felt such strong feelings for the both of them he didn’t know how to sort out how to talk about it yet. He was just glad they both knew, at least to some degree, that he had feelings for them. He knew Chan had to come to terms with his feelings first, Minho too, so he’d have to think deeper about that another time. He just hoped he wasn’t the only one who loved so deeply.

For now he would simply take what they were willing to give and Jisung would have to be okay with that.

And he thought he was. 

That was until Chan’s mood dropped lower than Jisung had seen it in years. 

At first, Jisung thought it would pass. Chan usually dealt with these things on his own. Changbin or Minho would normally assist behind the scenes where Chan would let them meddle, but not even they were able to get through to him.

Besides their group schedules, none of them saw Chan at all for nearly two weeks. Jisung lived with him and the last time he saw Chan properly was when he tricked him into a good night's sleep after he ended his live early. 

Jisung realized something was really wrong when he heard Minho and Seungmin speaking in low voices after practice one day. Jisung was refilling his water while they were exiting the dance studio. He didn’t mean to overhear, but once he heard what they were talking about, he couldn’t get himself to walk away.

“He won’t talk to me,” Minho said through a sigh. 

“I tried to catch him alone and he basically ran away from me.”

After a pause, Minho added, “Jisung said that he’s in the studio a lot.”

“That’s normal,” Seungmin answered.

“Yeah, but he’s only there when he knows that Changbin and Jisung are busy. If they’re working, he’s always doing something else.”

“What happened? I’m starting to get worried if he won’t even talk to you or Felix. He doesn’t run away from Lix, apparently, but he’ll only nod or hum if he’s there. Felix was really upset about it yesterday. Changbin stayed over to keep him company…”

Jisung couldn’t hear them anymore as they rounded the corner but Jisung’s thoughts were too loud to concentrate on anything else anyway. He didn’t like this at all. He knew how dark Chan’s mind could get and he needed to get through to him if he wasn’t even letting Minho close anymore. 

Jisung waited in his room until he heard the front door open and close ridiculously slowly like someone was trying to make the least amount of noise possible. 

Chan, Jisung thought. 

He listened for his door to open before he left and moved down the hall towards Chan’s room. He was thankful that he didn’t lock the door because he was free to push it open and slip inside without needing to beg to be let in. 

When the door clicked closed, Chan whipped around from where he was in the middle of changing his shirt. He whined and threw his head back before continuing to pull his clean shirt over his head. 

“Jisung—”

“Don’t even try, Chan, I’m not going anywhere. Take your time but I won’t leave until you tell me what’s going on. I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore. You’re isolating from everyone and I know you don’t want to hear this but the others are worried. It’s affecting them.”

Chan sighed and sank onto his bed. He looked defeated and exhausted. 

Jisung sat next to him slowly and took his hand into his own. Chan let him play with his fingers as he gathered his thoughts. Eventually, after what felt like hours of sitting in deafening silence to Jisung, Chan tilted his head up towards him and his eyes looked conflicted. 

“Jisung… he kissed me.”

“He kissed you?” he repeated evenly. 

Chan nodded miserably. 

Jisung blinked and shifted so he was parallel to him. 

“That’s… good! Why don’t you look happy?”

Chan shook his head. “I… I don’t know how to feel. Because… Min… he kissed me and I’ve wanted that for so long! But I really like you and I didn’t want you to feel like—” he paused and his eyes widened. He sat up slowly and cupped Jisung’s face with his hands carefully like he was something to be cherished. 

Jisung spent a lot of his time watching other people. He’d always been good at reading a room and figuring out someone’s character rather quickly. And one of the first things that Jisung noticed about Chan was that his eyes were so expressive. Oftentimes they were kind. There was something about how deep in color they were and the way he never shied away from eye contact when he was really interested in what someone else had to say, that just screamed kindness to Jisung. He could only describe the way he looked as kind in those moments. Other times, his expression was sharp, attentive, and his eyes could scan a room quickly and find exactly what he needed. He was smart and good with people. Jisung could tell by watching his expression whether or not he liked the person he was talking to or if it was the subject matter that was troubling him. It was his eyes. They were incredibly telling.

Right now, Jisung looked at him and realization and relief pooled there. It was as if all of his emotions were trapped and he couldn’t get his words out because he didn’t know where he wanted to start. 

He looked almost happy when he finally spoke again. 

“I… I really like you, Jisung,” he repeated softly. “Jisung, I really like you.”

“You do?” he asked as a hesitant smile grew on his face. 

“I do,” he nodded, looking between his eyes seriously. 

Jisung smiled fully, but his eyes stayed soft. “Good because I think that’s the only explanation for the way my stomach ties itself in knots when you’re around, hyung. I can only blame it on my feelings for you.”

Chan breathed in deeply and closed his eyes. “Jisung, can I…”

He laughed through his nose and didn’t even get through his nod before Chan pulled him forward and connected his lips to Jisung’s. This kiss was a far cry from the first time they’d done this. Chan came out the gate with passion. It was like he was trying to make up for lost time, as if he was trying to show Jisung how he felt through his actions because he feared his words alone wouldn’t be enough to convince him. 

He was warm when he licked into Jisung’s mouth. It was fitting because Jisung always thought that Chan’s presence was soothing for his soul and now he was quite literally trying to warm him from the inside out. It was positively dizzying. 

He lifted Jisung into his lap effortlessly and Jisung whined which Chan swallowed greedily before it could reach anyone else’s ears. Jisung panted as he nipped at his bottom lip and quickly sucked it into his mouth. 

“I can’t believe it took me so long to come around,” Chan practically growled into Jisung’s mouth, only parting from him slightly to get each word out. 

He peppered kisses onto his lips to slow them down a bit, then moved to his cheeks to press small kisses against the soft skin there just so he could make Jisung squirm. Then he laughed and leaned away so he could simply look at Jisung. 

He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as Chan studied him and he watched as his eyes shifted. Jisung put his fingertips on Chan’s jaw so he wouldn’t look away. 

“What are you thinking?”

“Just… should um… should we tell Minho?”

Jisung smiled lightly and kissed his nose. “I think you should sleep on it, Hyung.”

He nodded decisively and Jisung threaded his fingers through Chan’s soft curls. 

“You ok?”

He nodded again, looking like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

“Good, don’t keep such heavy things to yourself, okay? ‘s what I’m here for. Minho too. He’s worried about you.”

Chan looked contemplative but he smiled and bid Jisung goodnight as he left. As much as Jisung wanted to stay and fall asleep right there in Chan’s arms and steal a few kisses more before sleep took them, he knew Chan needed the time and space to think.

When Jisung woke up the next morning, he wasn’t expecting to see anyone in the common area. So, when he shuffled half-awake into the kitchen and saw Chan’s head pop up over the couch, he was startled to say the least. 

“You scared me,” he breathed out, with his hands curled close to his chest. 

When he looked a little closer, he noticed his eyes were red rimmed and there were dark bags dark under his eyes as well. His hair was a mess like he’d been clutching it and running his fingers through it for the better half of the night. Jisung started to wonder if he slept at all. 

“Hyung, are you okay?”

“Jisung,” he said seriously. “Jisung, I’ve been thinking.”

“All night?” Jisung asked, moving towards him, his business in the kitchen completely forgotten as he joined him on the cushions. “Hyung…”

“Shh!” Chan said suddenly, squeezing his eyes shut and curling his hand into a loose fist. “Please, this is taking so much courage. You don’t know how badly I want to just tuck all of this away. So, if I don’t say it now I’m afraid I never will.”

“Okay,” Jisung said, searching his face with wide, attentive eyes. 

He took a deep breath. “I like you. God, Jisung, I like you so much. I think I have for years now. And… overtime I’ve fallen in love with Minho too. I might have even felt some sort of connection way back when I took a chance on him for our debut,” He looked down and fiddled with the hem of his shorts. Jisung mindlessly took his hands into his own and smoothed his thumbs over his hands slowly. Chan smiled and continued. “I’ve been trying to push those feelings down for… well probably since I realized I felt them, but after we talked, I realized that… that maybe we actually have a chance for this to work out? I was scared at first but there’s no way around how I feel. And I thought that maybe… maybe I should be selfish this once. Because if I deny myself this happiness, I’m also potentially denying you and Minho that same happiness and… we could miss out on something really good.” Chan looked up at Jisung finally. “So, Jisung… Jisung, I’m telling you now. I really like you. And I really like Minho too. I… think I actually am well on my way to loving you both. I’m sorry if that’s selfish, but it’s the truth and I know that now. I think I can accept that now. Will you… will you have me?”

Jisung tilted his head and pulled Chan’s hands so he’d be a little closer. 

“If you’re selfish for loving both of us Chan, you’d have to look me in the eye right now and tell me you think I’m selfish for the same reason.”

He blinked and Chan breathed out a laugh. “I, uhh…”

Jisung hummed through a smirk and leaned back against the couch. Chan groaned and threw his head back. 

“You can’t just look like that!”

“Like what?” he asked innocently.

Chan lunged forward and pulled Jisung forward to meet him halfway. The kiss was a little messy due to Jisung’s giggling and it didn’t last long because—

“Oh my god, no,” Changbin’s voice echoed through the room. 

Jisung jolted and he bit Chan’s lip in the process. Chan didn’t even flinch, just touched his bottom lip where Jisung nipped it. Then he winked before he turned around to face Changbin. 

“What’s up, Bin?”

“Don’t give me that. What is this?” he asked, gesturing vaguely towards the two of them. 

Chan spread his arms across the back of the couch, “Ah Changbin, you’re 24, I didn’t think we would need to have this talk but—”

“Shut up! I’m thinking!” He shouted, holding up his palm. 

Jisung giggled. 

Changbin sighed and ran a hand down his face. “You two will keep this to yourself because I refuse to owe money to Kim Seungmin.”

“What did you bet?” Chan asked at the same time Jisung asked, “Why would you ever wager a bet with Kim Seungmin?”

“He said you two would kiss before Minho got his shit together and actually asked out Jisung. I had faith in Minho. I shouldn’t have.” 

“Ouch,” Jisung said. 

“Sorry,” Changbin winced. “But uhh… congrats?”

“Just go to the gym, Binnie,” Chan sighed, shaking his head. 

Changbin smiled, grateful for the out and scrambled to the door. “I support you guys and whatever this is!” he shouted as he walked out the door. 

Jisung buried his face in Chan’s shoulder. 

⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆

Jisung happily munched on the chocolate pepero that Minho bought for him while he scrolled through youtube to find a video he wanted to watch. 

The sun set only minutes ago so Minho’s room was covered in a dim, fuzzy blanket of gray/blue light from the absence of sunlight. Jisung looked up so that he could turn on his lamp when he caught Minho’s eye. 

“Hi,” he said slowly, putting his phone down and abandoning his mission for extra light. 

“Hi,” Minho echoed. 

“What’re you thinking about?” 

Minho shrugged. “You look happy.” 

“I am,” Jisung confirmed. 

“Good,” Minho said, nodding. 

Jisung blinked. He had a feeling there was more. Minho’s eyes flicked back over to Jisung and he breathed in and added:

“I…  I mean I don’t worry ,” he said looking away, “but when you’re down for too long, I know it’s irrational, but I always think in the back of my mind that you won’t come back to me. You always do, eventually, and your smile never dulls the way I always fear it will. It’s beautiful when you smile, Ji. You’re beautiful. Seeing you happy is all I ever wanted,” he finished quietly. 

Jisung felt his heart soften. Minho was sweet. His capacity for romance was something he would never admit to but that was okay because Jisung knew. And he’d hoard it forever in the depths of his heart. 

“You make me happy, Minho,” he said softly. “I’m sorry I was down. I have it figured out now; I think it’s going to work out.” 

Minho smiled back but it was small. It was the way he looked when he was hiding something that hurt him. Jisung tilted his head to keep eye contact. 

“Minho?”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Mmm.”

“Hey,” he tried again, smiling gently. “It’s just me.”

Minho tried to smile but it was tight lipped and his chin wobbled, giving him away. He breathed in deeply and shrugged. When he finally spoke, his voice broke and Jisung’s expression went with it. “I… I think I messed up?” 

“Why do you think that?”

“Um... I kissed Chan?” 

“Okay,” Jisung answered evenly.

Minho looked over at him like he was confused that Jisung wasn’t upset. It was as if he was expecting to be yelled at or something of equal emotional intensity.

He paused and blinked a few times. “You... did you already know?”

Jisung shifted. “Well, yes, Chan told me. But, Minho, we’re not dating. You can kiss other people. You aren’t tied to me,” he said steadily.

Minho let out a choked sob and hot tears rolled down his cheeks when he blinked. Jisung reached out but stopped himself. He was unsure what he needed. If Jisung upset him, the last thing he probably wanted was to be touched by him. 

“Minho! I'm... I'm sorry. What did I say? How can I help?”

He shook his head and hugged himself as he hung his head low so he couldn’t see his tear-stricken face.

“I just... I want you to be mine! But… but Channie… I just…” he trailed off.

“You care for him?” Jisung finished.

Minho nodded and Jisung watched tears fall onto his comforter, darkening the fabric with evidence of Minho’s inner turmoil. 

“That’s okay, Minho.”

He shook his head again and looked up at Jisung with glassy eyes.

“No,” he insisted. “Because after we kissed he was so sad , Jisung! No one could get through to him; he couldn’t even look at me. It was like he was a shell of himself. I did that to him.” 

Jisung shook his head and pulled him close. Minho wasn’t one for physical contact usually, but Jisung knew that in situations like these, he wanted to be held. And he also knew from experience that he liked when Jisung threaded his fingers in patterns through the thin hair at the nape of his neck. He always calmed down quicker if Jisung did that for him.

“No, Minho, you didn’t do that to him,” Jisung said into his shoulder. His lips brushed the fabric of his shirt. “You should talk to him. Channie was spending a lot of time in his head just like you. You should talk with him , hm?”

Minho sniffled but didn’t say anything else for a long while. Jisung sat with him like that until his breaths steadied and his tears dried. Only then did Minho nod into Jisung’s shoulder. 

⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆

Jisung did a lot of his greatest thinking when he let his mind wander. His best lyrics came to him when he was watching dramas or binging anime, he got inspiration when he was seconds from sleep, he remembered things he forgot at the store when he was halfway through a workout, and it was 1:00 in the morning in the dorm shower when he realized he wanted to tell Minho he was in love with him. 

The thought came to him suddenly. One moment he was humming the melody to Blackpink’s Hard to Love and the next it was “I should tell Minho I’m in love with him.” It was startling how quickly he began to seriously consider it, too. They’d been dancing around that fact for a long time though. Years. He’d felt it for so long but he didn’t want to pressure Minho by saying the words. But now it felt right. He wanted to do it while he still had the motivation and confidence. 

He pulled on a hoodie and sweatpants after quickly drying himself off. Then he grabbed his phone and keys to shove in his pocket before heading towards the door. The journey to Minho’s dorm wasn’t long, he could think of how to go about telling him as he walked. 

His hand was on the door handle when he heard voices coming from the hallway opposite from his. He paused. He didn’t think anyone else was home. He wasn’t even supposed to be home just yet, but he cut his gym session with Changbin short because he worked out for reasons that were not pure joy like that man, so he finished his sets and left. Chan said he was going to dinner and drinks with a friend after work and… Hyunjin was home, maybe , but he was always so quiet. So even if he was, that wouldn’t explain where the voices were coming from. 

Out of curiosity more than anything, Jisung moved towards the hall that housed Chan and Changbin’s rooms and confirmed that Chan was home, apparently, because he heard his laugh, and… was that Minho’s voice too?

Since when was he here?

Jisung peeked back around the corner and, sure enough, a pair of Minho’s shoes were sitting by the door -- the white sneakers that used to belong to Chan.

He was about to knock, when he heard the tail end of their conversation and his hand paused a few inches from the door as he listened.

“... what Hannie thinks about this,” Minho was saying.

“I don’t think we need to know what Jisung thinks,” Chan replied casually.

“That’s… probably true.”

“Because right now all that matters is how you feel and how I feel. We can deal with Jisung later if he doesn’t like the decision we made, yeah?”

Jisung blinked.

What were they saying? What did they mean? Surely there was more. He just didn’t hear everything, right? He misunderstood or misheard?

Jisung waited a bit longer. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions. He didn’t want what he heard to be the truth, but it wasn’t looking good. He listened closely for more, for anything , but they seemed to be done with the conversation because the TV unpaused and vague noise filled the space instead of the familiar voices that drew Jisung over in the first place.

Jisung felt like someone had gutted him of all thoughts and emotions and all that was left was a hollow shell of what was once Jisung, filled instead with negative thoughts and torment. Somehow he made it back to his room, but he couldn’t even recall dragging his feet through the hallway to get there. All that was running through his mind was Why did he ever think he could be happy with both of them? How could he be so selfish? 

Minho’s words from a few days prior bounced around in his skull and suddenly he felt incredibly dense. 

“I want you to be mine! But… but Channie… I just…”

At the time, Jisung thought Minho was saying he wanted to be with him but his feelings for Chan confused him. He thought Minho just needed time to understand that he could love two people or that he was in love at all. But maybe what he was trying to tell him was that he felt stronger feelings for Chan and he was going to be with him instead. 

Is that why he’d been so upset?  

Some small voice in the back of his head was trying to reason with him but everything else was so loud it got drowned out. It was too late for that now, though. He was spiraling. 

Of course they loved each other more. Why would they ever want to complicate things by adding Jisung? They loved him, sure, but dating as an idol was hard enough, dating your member was even harder, but two of them? He almost wanted to laugh. It was unheard of. Why would they ever want to risk it? In what world would Jisung be worth that risk?

When Jisung felt the telltale signs of panic filling his chest and tightening around his heart and lungs, he found himself stumbling towards the front door. He didn’t know where he was going, just that he needed to leave. Everything was so small and he couldn’t breathe. He needed to be outside. 

He’d made it halfway to Han River before his mind began to clear a bit more, but by then he’d started to go numb. He knew it wouldn’t be beneficial later, but at the moment he didn’t care much. He felt exhausted from all his feelings, and he just wanted to ease into the comfortable nothingness for a little while. 

He didn’t know how long he just walked. He didn’t have his phone to check the time, he didn’t even know what time it was when he left, but the water looked nice and the city could be quiet at night, so he found that he didn’t care as much as he probably ought to. It was almost peaceful. Almost because he couldn’t forget the storm that was waiting for him when he inevitably returned to the others. 

Until then, Jisung could look up at the navy sky and imagine what constellations would be out if he could see the stars from the city. Imagination. He was always good at that. Even when he was younger he would imagine all sorts of stories in his head out of the most mundane things, watch raindrops drip down windows and pretend they were racing, and even create shapes out of shadows and his own hands just to keep himself entertained. 

Imagination. Jisung could do that. He would always be good at thinking up the impossible. It got him this far. 

The thought was bittersweet. 

Eventually he wandered back towards the neighborhood his dorm was in and made his way slowly up the steps. He hoped the door was still unlocked because he didn’t have anything on him anymore. He must have emptied his pockets when he was in his room earlier. 

He tried the door and felt slightly relieved to find it was, in fact, unlocked. When he pushed the door open, he was just in time to see Changbin jump up from the couch. 

“Jisung!”

“Mm, hey Bin. What’re you doing up?”

He scowled. “What do you mean? Do you know what time it is? Do you know how long you’ve been gone? We had no idea what happened to you!”

Jisung glanced at the stove and saw the numbers 4:29. His eyes widened. He was gone for a little over three hours ? 

 “ Yeah ,” Changbin said. “Where did you go? Seriously, we were about to call one of the managers.”

“Just… Han River. I needed some air.”

Changbin studied him for a moment and Jisung looked around at the shoes. Minho’s were gone and so were Chan’s. 

“Chan’s at the other dorm. I convinced him to go because I knew he wouldn’t sleep not knowing where you were. Why didn’t you say anything?”

Of course he’s with Minho . Jisung thought. Minho probably helped calm him down after Jisung caused him unnecessary stress. 

“Jisung, say something.”

“Just... mind your own business, Changbin,” Jisung mumbled, pushing past him. Suddenly he was no longer in the mood to deal with his personalized game of 20 questions. 

“Jisung,” Changbin called after him. “You have to talk about what’s hurting you or it’ll only get worse! You know that!”

Jisung replied with the sound of his door closing and locking behind him. 

It wasn’t much later that Jisung heard a gentle knock at his door. He wasn’t actually sure if he heard it at first. He was too busy staring at his wall and tracing patterns into his carpet to really pay close enough attention. 

It wasn’t until he heard the knock again, accompanied by Hyunjin’s unsure voice asking for him through the wood that Jisung got up to unlock the door. 

As soon as he saw Hyunjin he felt tears sting his eyes. Hyunjin didn’t look much better when he caught sight of Jisung. 

Right. He probably looked like a wreck.

“Hey, I, um, made you tea,” Hyunjin said, glancing behind Jisung. “It’s herbal because I didn’t want the caffeine to keep you up and I know it can make you anxious sometimes, so…”

“Thank you Jinnie,” Jisung said softly, taking the cup. “Did Bin send you?”

“Sort of,” Hyunjin answered, entering the room and turning one of Jisung’s lights on before joining him on the floor. He was thankful, at least, it wasn’t the overhead light; he’d barely noticed he’d been sitting in the dark as it was. “I was deciding if you would even want company when he knocked on my door and practically begged me to come in here. So, you could say it was a team effort.”

Jisung hummed and took a tiny sip of his tea. It was good. Hyunjin was good at everything he tried, though, so it was no wonder his tea was wonderfully steeped as well.

After a moment, he asked with outstretched arms and a tilted head, “Do you want cuddles?”

“It’s ok,” Jisung answered, folding his knees up towards his chest. He placed his mug on the floor so he could wrap his arms around his legs properly. “I know you don’t like skinship.”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin pouted, “but I don’t like you being sad even more.” Jisung smiled lightly and Hyunjin tried again. “Would it help?”

He nodded slowly and Hyunjin scooted forward and pulled him into his arms. As soon as he felt Hyunjin’s arms around him Jisung felt the tears drip from his lash line. 

When the gentle sniffles became sobs that wracked his body, Hyunjin just held him close and kept his hand on the back of his head. His other one wandered up and down Jisung’s back under his shirt so they could be as close as possible. 

“What happened? You seemed so happy recently,” Hyunjin mumbled. But it didn’t sound like he was asking Jisung, more like he was observing out loud. 

Jisung cried harder and Hyunjin held him tighter like he was convinced he could keep all of his pieces together if he only kept his arms firmly around his friend. 

If only that could be true. 

Hyunjin stayed with Jisung for the next few days. They were practically inseparable. Hyunjin was never quiet about his concern for Jisung’s well-being and he was very eager to help in any way he was able. So that involved thoroughly cuddling Jisung, keeping him company, existing in the same space together while they did separate things, and making sure he ate enough and drank water. 

Jisung didn’t ask him to do any of it, Hyunjin just looked anxious to do something and he was getting upset seeing Jisung upset, so instead of pushing him away, Jisung allowed him in closer. 

He let Jisung sleep on his chest between their day-long video shoots, let him sit in on his solo practices so he could scribble lyrics down while Hyunjin danced, and kept him occupied from most of the other members. No matter how much staring they did or how close they tried to get, Hyunjin always made sure they looked busy. 

Seungmin caught on quickly too and helped them seem busier than they were or if someone was looking for them he’d say they were wrapped up in something. Jisung was grateful for them both. 

One afternoon Jisung was trying to cool down by laying on the practice room floor during a break in dance practice and Hyunjin watched him carefully. Jisung had a feeling he knew what was coming before he said it. 

“Jisung?” 

“Hm?”

He looked up at Hyunjin the best he could without moving from his current position, but he didn’t have to for long because Hyunjin sat down next to him before he went on.

“You don’t have to talk to me, but you’re hurting and I wanna see you smile again.” He crossed his legs and shifted his weight closer to Jisung. “I know you’ve seen that Minho has been trying to get through to you. I don’t know what happened but let someone in, okay? It’s not just me that’s worried.”

“I let you in,” he said with his face half squished against the floor. Hyunjin raised an eyebrow and Jisung huffed. “I’m just… processing.” 

Hyunjin smiled and ruffled his hair. 

“Okay, Ji, if you say so.”

When the day was finally over, Hyunjin told Jisung he was going to take a shower. Jisung hummed in response as he left his shoes at the door. He could be alone, they were home after all, and Hyunjin would be back after he was done, probably.

It had only been about fifteen minutes when Jisung heard his door open slightly. He perked up because he never heard the water turn off in the bathroom. So if it wasn’t Hyunjin, then…

He looked up to see wide cat-like eyes looking back at him and Jisung felt his heartbeat skip. Minho leaned against the door frame and Jisung followed his every movement with his eyes. He could see that he was keeping himself neutral. Minho was good at that. It probably would have worked to fool him too, if he wasn’t in front of Jisung . His face looked blank and his body language looked relaxed, but Jisung knew him better than he knew himself. Minho was looking at him, but not his eyes. He was probably looking somewhere on his face close enough so if he wasn’t paying close enough attention, it would seem like he was making eye contact, but he wasn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to. Jisung could see the slight frown on his lips and the way he clenched his jaw when he was thinking too hard. He knew Minho dug his fingers into his sides or his leg when he needed to ground himself which is probably why his arms were crossed. 

He knew Minho.

“Can we talk?”

Jisung looked back towards his phone, but the screen had gone dark.

“Today isn’t really great, Minho…”

“Jisung, please? It’s really important.”

Jisung paused. Minho never talked like this. The silence stretched as Jisung searched for the best option. Jisung wondered what Minho was thinking now. He could send him away. He would go if he did. Minho wouldn’t push him, he never pushed him. But, if he did that, Minho might not try again and Jisung didn’t want to lose him forever. He wanted to hear him out; it was… better now that the pain in his chest had subsided. He could listen now. Eventually, Jisung sighed and moved so his back pressed against the wall as he gave in, gesturing to the spot next to him. 

Minho quickly closed the door behind him, joined Jisung on the mattress, and sat with his legs crossed. 

He opened his mouth and closed it again a few times, then opted to stay quiet for a while as his eyes glazed over in deep thought. He was quiet for so long, Jisung started to panic a little. But before it could get too bad, Minho looked up and said: 

“Jisung, I love you.” His face was sincere and his eyes were so vulnerable. 

Jisung’s heart sank and he didn’t know if it was good or bad yet. 

“I love you,” Minho repeated, “and I have for years and years. I know we said we wouldn’t make anything official, but I can't do that anymore. I need you -- as more than my friend or coworker or anything other than my partner, Jisung. I used to think it would be selfish to want you like that. But now… I want to be selfish and I want you to be selfish too. And I… I want you. I want you in every way I thought I could never have you. I know you have something on your mind. I know something really heavy has been weighing on you recently, and you said it's not because of me and I believe you…” he paused and corrected, “I want to believe you. But, Sung, you never keep yourself tucked away from me like this. I miss you. Come back to me? Your absence is what forced me to understand how strongly I feel about you and that I can’t do what we’ve been doing any more. I need more. I want more.”

Jisung looked down at his hands and tried to process what Minho was saying. 

He… wanted him? 

“Sung… do you…” he paused and worried his bottom lip between his teeth. Finally he settled on: “How do you feel towards me?”

“Minho…” Jisung began.

“Hm?”

He looked at Minho for the first time since he sat down. His dyed hair was fading and unstyled and his bangs fell into his eyelashes. His face was free of makeup, showing off every freckle, scar, and blemish that was usually covered when they were working. He looked so much younger like this. Sadder too. His lips turned down at the corners and pulled the rest of his expression with it.

“Do you think that being in love with someone dulls your capability of love for anyone else?”

Minho seemed taken aback.

“I… why are you asking that?”

“Because, Minho. I know you love Channie-hyung. You should be with him. If that’s what you want.”

“Why would that make me want to be with you any less?” 

Jisung shrugged and pulled at the toe of his sock. “Why would knowing what I think make a difference?”

Jisung saw Minho’s expression shift and his eyes widened. There was something like fear and realization there but Jisung couldn’t place the exact emotion.

“Jisung… did you… were you home when I was talking to Chan the other night?”

Jisung didn’t say anything but that was enough of an answer for Minho.

He lifted his head slowly. “I understand.” Then he sat up a little straighter and replied calmly: “No.”

“No?” Jisung asked.

“Your question,” he said like it was obvious. “No. I don’t think that falling for someone takes away from your ability to fall in love with someone else. I also don’t think that falling for someone else takes away any love from that first person either.” Minho stared at him like he’d found the last piece of a puzzle that had been sitting uncompleted for weeks. “Can you tell me what you heard us say?”

Jisung sighed and leaned back on his hands. “I don’t know. I heard you guys say that… what I thought didn’t matter. That only your feelings and Chan's feelings mattered. And that you can ‘deal with me later’ if I don't like your decision.”

Minho nodded slowly. “Can I tell you something?” 

Jisung hummed.

“I was really terrified to do this. To confess to you.”

There was an impatient part of him that wondered why Minho was changing the subject. But there was another, larger part of him, a kinder part, that loved Minho since he first laid eyes on him, and needed to know what he was getting at. 

Jisung frowned. “Why?” 

Minho sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Because, I…” he huffed. “This is hard. I don’t know how to tell you how it makes me feel.”

Jisung nodded. “I know. Take your time. Maybe try to pretend like you’re not saying it to me. Try to think of it like writing down your thoughts instead. Just a stream of consciousness. You don’t have to arrange it, I can piece it together for you, hyung.”

Minho looked at him and his eyes were wet again, but he blinked rapidly and nodded. Then his gaze shifted somewhere behind Jisung but it didn’t look like Minho was seeing much of anything. He was too caught up in his own thoughts.

“I was…” Minho began, swallowing thickly. “I was scared because, after all this time of us being unofficial… I was worried you might have moved on from me. Chan told me that was ridiculous and that you loved me just as deeply as I loved you but I couldn’t understand it because you mean everything to me. And I couldn’t-- can’t,” he corrected bitterly, “imagine anyone feeling that way towards me, let alone the object of my affections. Then to learn that Chan, the man I fell for over the last few years felt the same? That he was falling for me too? It was a little overwhelming to me. And my first thought was that I had to go to you. I had to confess to you . Because if I didn’t do that, if I couldn't tell you how I really felt, then there was no hope for us. And I couldn't help but feel this unsure feeling of hope and happiness burning deep in my stomach because I so desperately wanted it to work out. But, when I thought about you, I was worried about how you would feel in the long run. I didn’t know if you would feel left out if I asked you to love not only me, but Channie too.” 

Minho looked away. Jisung knew that he didn’t enjoy these types of conversations, so coming here to do this was probably just as hard as it was for Jisung. Maybe even more so. Minho’s discomfort was coming off of him in waves, but all Jisung could feel now was affection and pride for the man sitting in front of him. He came here to tell him how he felt, even though it scared him, because he wanted Jisung. He wanted him.

“When I told Chan this, he giggled and said I shouldn't worry about it because you’d have your pick of boyfriends to go to for comfort if you ever felt down or unsure. And I teased him and asked what would happen if I needed to come over to be comforted; whose bed I would sleep in? Chan said we would all have to pile into one because he refused to pick just one of us. And I said we would have to ask you what you thought, Sung. That's when Channie said it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t like it or not because you’re so scoopable,” then, to clarify, he tacked on, “Chan’s words." 

Minho smiled half-heartedly and Jisung began to put the pieces together the same way Minho had a few minutes prior. 

“I was actually starting to feel excited to talk to you after that. We were going to that night, but then you disappeared. No one knew where you were or if you ever came home at all. Chan was so worried he made himself physically sick, and I had to coerce him from your dorm for nearly an hour before he gave up and came with me. He was the only one of you two I had the power to help at that time. I knew Jinnie and Changbin would be there for you when you came back -- because I knew you would come back -- but when I saw you again, you looked so miserable, Jisung. It broke my heart. I didn’t know why or what happened to you and…”

Jisung shook his head and felt tears slip down his cheeks as he interrupted: “Minho--”

He met his gaze with misty eyes that he attempted to blink away.

“I’m so sorry,” Jisung blurted out. Then he tried to backtrack and explain. “I was so excited that night because I never thought that all three of us would catch feelings in the same way. But when I talked to you both and it seemed to be the case… I realized I didn’t want to wait any longer. I was actually going to leave to go talk to you that night, Min. Then when I overheard you guys I thought... I thought you were choosing each other. I thought…” he sniffled and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. 

Jisung shook his head again. He didn’t even want to go down that path again. They were never going to choose. It wasn’t even an option in their minds. That’s why they’d all been so upset in the first place. Those thoughts were conjured up by Jisung’s anxiety and they held no truth here. 

“Nevermind. I'm sorry I didn't come to you immediately. You were just talking to Chan like I said you should.”

“You did though,” Minho insisted. “You took the time you needed to process and you came to me. You could have stayed away or avoided us, but you didn’t.”

“Don’t give me that,” Jisung frowned. “You’re the one that came to me.”

“You could have turned me away.” Minho pointed out. “Don’t act like you’re difficult to love or understand, Han Jisung. I’ve known you for too long. I know your habits. I know your patterns. I know what you do when you’re hurt and when you’re insecure too. You could have avoided us. But you didn’t . This was a simple lapse in communication. We were all trying to figure things out on our own when we should have been talking to each other.”

“You always say you’re no good with words, but wow, hyung, you sound wise,” he teased with a wide smile.

Minho shoved him playfully. “I’ve been spending too much time with Chan, blame him.”

Jisung chuckled and let himself fall into Minho’s side, then he looked up at him from his resting spot on Minho’s shoulder.

“For the record, hyung, you’re not difficult to love either.”

Minho shook his head, then leaned forward to press his lips gently to Jisung’s. He moved them to lay on the bed as he kissed him slowly. It wasn’t anything more than that. Neither of them tried to deepen it or make it into something more. It was simply Minho doing what Minho did best: using his actions to show Jisung he loved him.

When they pulled apart, Minho dried the leftover tears on Jisung’s cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater tenderly and Jisung’s heart swelled.

“Did I tell you I love you too? Because I love you Lee Minho. I think I've been in love with you since I was 18 years old.”

“You could always say it again, just in case.”

“I love you.” Jisung let his forehead fall onto Minho’s. “I’ll say it as much as you want me to.” 

Minho hummed and Jisung could feel the smile on his lips. Jisung mapped Minho’s face with the tip of his finger and allowed himself the time to just appreciate how beautiful the man in front of him was. The slope of his nose, the curve of his cheekbones, the swell of his lips, he loved it all. He loved every single inch of him.

When he leaned back, he could see lingering thoughts in his eyes and he brushed the pads of his fingers under his jaw so Minho would look at him fully. He tilted his head in a question and Minho looked up before he asked:

“Hannie, do you love Chan?”

“I think I might,” he answered quietly, sliding his hand to rest on the base of Minho’s neck instead. “Why do you ask, jagiya?”

“Do you think… Is it possible to have two boyfriends?”

“Is that what you want?” Minho paused and Jisung shifted back so he could poke where he knew Minho’s heart was beating in his chest. “Tell me baby. Tell me what you want.”  

“Yes,” he breathed. Then he smiled mischievously and his lips curled the way Jisung loved. “I want you both. I want to hoard your love all for myself and laugh when the others complain about pda.”

“Ah you’re so weird ,” Jisung exclaimed.

Minho giggled and Jisung took the opportunity to kiss his cheek before he leaned away and propped his head up on his hand.

“What’re you doing the rest of the day?”

Minho hummed. “Choreo practice with Felix and Hyunjin later tonight, why?” 

Jisung shrugged. “‘Cus I happen to know Channie is getting out of his last meeting at 7:00. He doesn’t usually come home when that happens because he just gets distracted at work until midnight or later.”

“Meaning he doesn’t eat proper dinner.” Minho caught on.

“Exactly.” 

Minho pushed himself up onto his knees in one motion and offered his hand out for Jisung. “Looks like you’re going to be my assistant tonight.”

“Yay!” Jisung cheered, accepting his hand eagerly.

Twenty minutes later, Jisung was kicking his feet as he sat and waited for the rice to finish cooking. Minho already finished cooking the meat and was about to add in the vegetables that Jisung chopped up for him. Curry rice was one of Chan’s favorites and Minho was sneaky enough to have his mom’s recipe now. Minho didn’t need it per se but things like this meant a lot to Chan, so when Minho had the opportunity to ask her how she made it, he did. And now, here they were. 

“That smells good! What are you making?” a voice said from behind Jisung.

“Curry rice,” Minho answered without missing a beat. “I added something special to it. You wanna come find out what it was?” He asked, smirking as Hyunjin walked into the room, knowing full well he added nothing of interest to the food.

“Um…” he started, moving past Jisung towards the door.

“Yah! You abandoned me!” Jisung gasped, pointing at him dramatically.

“I didn’t!” Hyunjin whined as he quickly pulled on a pair of shoes. “I had to get ready but it took too long and now I really have to go. I told Felix I would meet with him before choreo practice. I’m sorry, Jisung-ah!”

“You’re a bastard!” Jisung shouted after him and Hyunjin blew him a kiss.

“I love you!”

“Yeah, I love you too,” Jisung mumbled, rolling his eyes. 

Nearly on beat with Hyunjin closing the front door, the rice cooker went off, signaling its completion and Jisung beamed. 

“Perfect timing!” He said, mostly to himself as he jumped up to find a container to put it in. 

Truthfully, he was really excited to go see Chan. Jisung had been interested in different kinds of love languages not too long ago and he started to pay extra attention to the way he loved and the way the others around him liked to be loved too. Minho and Chan’s love languages matched up with his very well, he thought. He liked to think of everyone having a primary and a secondary love language. For Jisung it was words of affirmation and physical touch. For Chan it was quality time and physical touch, and for Minho it was acts of service and quality time. 

It worked well because though Minho wasn’t great at telling Jisung things he was doing well or needed to hear, Chan was. He loved to shower Jisung with compliments and Jisung basked in the praise. Similarly, Chan was terrible about asking for help, but Minho was observant and he was always willing to help without him needing to say anything at all. Chan could simply frown at his computer and Minho would complain about needing something just so they could take a break because he knew Chan needed it and he would never grant it to himself. And, Jisung didn’t like to go out much if he had the option to stay in, but if Minho wanted to, he was happy to be by his side, and he knew Minho was simply happy he was there. There was also the fact that Chan and Jisung were both very physically affectionate. So being touch starved was nearly unheard of when it came to them because they could always count on the other to welcome them with open arms, but oftentimes, they sought out Minho anyway. They both loved to curl around him while he ignored them and continued doing whatever he was doing. He pretended to hate it, but they all knew that it satisfied his desire for quality time and Chan and Jisung got their fill of cuddles too. 

The thing about love languages is they begin to blur the closer you get to others and Jisung found himself extra excited to do little things like this for Chan simply because Minho loved it and he loved seeing them both happy. Even just thinking about the smile on Chan’s face and the bashful grin Minho would wear later that night when Chan thanked him and gushed over the food was enough to make Jisung’s chest fill with warmth.

Jisung hadn’t even realized he was smiling until Minho poked his cheek. He looked over and he raised his eyebrows. 

“What are you smiling about?”

Jisung shook his head and snapped the lid onto the container they were bringing to Chan and stacked it on top of the other two. “Nothing. Ready to go?”

“Bang Chan!” Minho shouted, kicking open the door to his studio.

He looked up lazily, but upon seeing Minho, and Jisung following behind him, his eyes shone with interest and a smile split across his face.

“Minho! Hannie! Why are you…”

He looked down at Jisung’s hands where he was carrying the three containers of homemade food and his jaw dropped. He looked between them and he looked lost for words.

“We brought you dinner,” Jisung said plainly, sitting on the floor near Chan’s feet. Minho mirrored him and let his chin fall on Chan’s knee. 

Chan’s expression turned soft like he was looking at his favorite thing in the world instead of the two strays he’d tugged into his circle at two very different times of his life. It was then, on the floor of Chan’s studio in the confines of the very entertainment company that brought them together in the first place, that Jisung realized that this is what Chan looked like when he was in love.

He’d seen it in Minho and he felt it in himself. He knew that Minho fell hard and fast, but came to terms with that feeling slowly. He knew that, though his expression would stay even, his eyes would reveal how fond he really was. He knew every way Minho chose to love without ever opening his mouth, but when he finally did work up the courage, he’d blush from his head to his toes. He knew that when Minho loved, he would let that person get away with most anything, just because he loved to see them happy. Which Jisung was troubled about at first, worried that someone might take advantage of that vulnerability someday, but quickly realized that if he kept Minho to himself, no one would ever have the chance to hurt him like that. 

Until Chan. 

Chan loved like candlelight in a dim room. His love was bright, warm, and inviting; it was quiet but it wasn’t secretive. It was plain and simple, and available for everyone to see if they decided to look their way. He would never dream of hurting Minho, or Jisung for that matter, it wasn’t in his nature. Jisung had half a mind to think he would throw himself headfirst into danger for them before he would let them get hurt, much less by his hand. 

Loving someone that selfless was wearying at times, but Jisung wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

“It’s curry rice,” Chan said in a small voice as Minho divided up the portions they’d boxed.

“Yes, a real meal. At dinner time too, if you can believe it,” Minho said without looking up. 

Minho always brushed off his kindness in this way. Acting like he had no idea curry rice was Chan’s favorite and he definitely didn’t make it for him. He just happened to make too much, that’s all, and Chan hadn’t eaten dinner yet. 

Jisung smiled. He didn’t know why he bothered. They saw through it now, maybe they always had, but Jisung thought it was one of Minho’s most endearing traits, so he always shook his head and let Minho put on his act. 

“Now turn off your computer. I refuse to let you eat while you work,” Minho said, opening chopsticks. “It's a sin.”

Chan snorted and closed his laptop before sliding to the ground to eat. 

Jisung had his cheeks stuffed with rice when Chan brought up his favorite foreign foods. He listened to him talk with Minho about how good the sashimi was in Japan and debate which country prepared the best chicken. 

“Okay, okay, but the U.S. still has its perks!” Chan was saying through a giggle after accepting defeat to Minho in the chicken debate. 

Minho raised an eyebrow.

“I’m serious! When we were in Atlanta last time it was late summer and they were selling peaches downtown at a farmers market and they were heavenly . I’ve never had one as good since.”

“Okay but that’s not a meal,” Minho pointed out.

Chan shrugged. “Sure, but the pizza in New York is really good too. You have to give them that.”

Minho pursed his lips and looked up like he was thinking really hard about whether or not he agreed.

Chan let his jaw drop. “You have to be kidding.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Exactly! You know what,” Chan started, pointing a chopstick at Minho. “We’re going to New York in, what, a week now? I’m buying you pizza to prove my point.” Then he took another bite and gestured towards Jisung with his head. “Jisung too.”

Jisung grinned. “Yay! I love New York pizza.”

Chan’s eyes widened. “See!”

“I still didn’t say anything,” Minho repeated. Chan leaned forward in a vaguely threatening motion but quickly turned his attention to Jisung when he spoke again.

“I'm excited, I love when we go to America,” Jisung thought out loud.

“Really?” Chan asked. “The flight is so long though and the jet lag ,” he winced.

“Yeah,” Jisung shrugged. “But I love traveling and the U.S is so big. There’s so much to see. Even in cities we’ve been to before it’s like I'll never have the same experience twice.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Jisung saw Minho make a face. He almost missed it, but Chan certainly didn’t. He let out a laugh like it had been punched out of him.

“What is it now?” He asked through a smile. “Just not fond of the U.S, Lino? I feel like your American flag sweater would beg to differ,” he finished in a singsong voice. Then he pushed his now-empty container to the side and placed his chopsticks within for the time being.

“No, he likes L.A. and New York too, even though he’s being stubborn right now,” Jisung answered, eyeing Minho playfully. “And he enjoyed Texas the last time we were there too. Right?” he asked, turning towards him fully with a question in his eyes.

“Mm,” Minho confirmed, collecting the last bits of food together so he could have one more bite. Then he added. “The U.S is too big.”

“You don't say that about Australia,” Chan piped up.

Minho shook his head and took a moment to chew his food before he continued. “In Australia they all speak the same, and I’m used to hearing that kind of English from you and Yongbok. But… no one in the U.S speaks the same way.”

Chan nodded slowly as he began to understand what Minho was getting at. “Ahhh the accents are different.”

“The words too; they use too many words that mean the same thing depending on where you are in the country.” Minho pouted. “I never know what they’re talking about. It’s so frustrating.” 

Jisung giggled. “Channie and I speak English. You don’t have to, you know.”

“But his English is so cute!” Chan whined. “He’s good at it!”

“‘S true,” Jisung mentioned, looking up in thought. “Your voice is deeper when you speak English too.”

Minho stared blankly at nothing in particular. His eyebrows were furrowed and there was a tiny frown present on his lips. “English is my enemy,” he muttered.

Chan threw his head back and groaned before he leapt forward and scooped Minho into a hug, landing overtop of him in the process. He pressed kisses to his face, to which Minho squirmed and scrunched his face up in protest.

Chan started with a kiss on his cheek. “You,” a kiss on his temple, “are so,” a kiss on his nose, “cute!” he finished, capturing Minho’s lips, finally. Jisung felt butterflies in his stomach watching them simply exist and show their love for eachother. He found himself smiling into his meal as he finished off the last few bites of food and moved to pack away the emptied containers.

It didn’t take long before Jisung finished cleaning up and the clock showed 9:00, Minho’s practice time. So he moved to stand over them.  

“Hey,” Jisung said, “Minho has to get to practice, you know.”

Chan kissed Minho deeply once more before he propped himself up on his arms and lifted off of the ground. He kissed the top of Jisung’s head, then turned to offer a hand to Minho, who looked thoroughly kissed now thanks to him. Minho accepted it then ran his fingers through his hair to get it to fall naturally again instead of sticking up slightly from where Chan’s fingers were tugging at it seconds prior. 

Jisung rolled his eyes. “We’ll meet you when you’re done, okay? Usual time?”

Minho nodded, then he leaned down to collect his bag from the floor. “Work hard!” he said as the door closed behind him. 

“You too!” they chimed in return.

It was nearing midnight when Jisung called it for the night. Chan protested because of the hour and Jisung put his foot down and whined about wanting to sleep in Minho’s bed with him. Chan seemed to relent after that and packed up his laptop as Jisung bounced towards the door to meet Minho a few floors down.

When they found the room they were in, the dance-line had already wrapped up for the night and were just rehydrating and chatting before going their separate ways. 

Minho looked up first when Chan and Jisung entered and a small smile formed on his face. 

“Jagiya!” Jisung announced, getting the other two’s attention.

“Hey Min,” Chan greeted, moving towards Minho. “how was practice?”

“Fuck us I guess,” Felix murmurred to Hyunjin as they both gave him a heavy side eye. “Hey Chris, how was your day? Get a lot done? Did you eat dinner? I hope it was delicious.” he said sweetly. 

Chan shook his head and changed paths towards Felix. “You’re a menace, you know that?”

Jisung sat between Hyunjin and Minho as Chan messed with Felix a little ways away from them. 

“How was practice?” Jisung asked again.

“Tiring. Lots of jumping. I want to take a shower.” Minho sighed, grabbing his bag and standing up. “I’m going to call the managers to see if we can get a car back. I’m not walking.”

Jisung watched him fish his phone out of his pocket and slip out the door, then the only thing he could sense was Hyunjin’s eyes on him. He sighed and turned with a tight-lipped smile. 

“Hi, Jin. Can I help you?”

“You talked to Minho?” he asked, and his eyes were practically sparkling.

Jisung rolled his eyes and leaned back against the mirror. “Yes, no thanks to you.”

Hyunjin gasped. “What do you mean?”

Jisung rolled his head to the side to look at his friend.

“You let him in didn’t you? I mean we were the only ones home earlier.”

Hyunjin tilted his head. “No, I was in the shower.”

Jisung frowned. “Wait… then how did he…”

Hyunjin shrugged. “I’ve never really questioned how he gets in to be honest. I just walk out sometimes and he’s there. I always assume you let him in or Chan.”

Jisung had always assumed it was Hyunjin or Binnie. He didn’t have long to consider it, though, because Hyunjin bounced a little in place and reached forward to grab his hands. 

“So… um… are you and Channie…” He didn’t finish his sentence, just flicked his eyes between Jisung and Chan and blinked as if Jisung would get what he meant. 

“I… Are we what?” Jisung decided to ask. 

Are they okay? Yes. 

Do they like each other? Of course. 

Are they dating? He wasn’t really sure. 

Hyunjin didn’t get a chance to respond before Minho opened the door to the practice room and gestured for everyone to come out. Jisung shrugged and pulled Hyunjin’s bag over his shoulder before moving towards the door.

“Hyunjin, are you going back to the dorm?” Chan asked as they piled into the van.

“Later,” he answered, plopping into the seat next to Jisung in the back. “I told Seungmin I’d stop by. He’s been working on a cover to release on SKZ-Record and he wanted me to listen to it.”

Chan glanced over the seat at Jisung and he knew they were both thinking the same thing. 

“Did he?” Chan voiced. “Or did you hear he was working on a cover and ask to be the first to hear it?”

Hyunjin froze as he was buckling his seatbelt. “Well… he…”

“Because,” Chan continued before Hyunjin could answer properly. “I happen to know from experience that Seungmin likes to know what he can work on rather than what he’s already doing well when he’s preparing a song. And I recall you being moved to tears when he was singing just helping Minho cook the other night, so I doubt he would come to you first for a second opinion, Jinnie, if you see what I’m getting at.”

Hyunjin opened his mouth to counter and closed it again before pouting slightly. “Well… Jisung comes to me first with his songs! It’s not that different.”

Without missing a beat, Minho said. “It is different because Jisung needs praise to offset his own crippling self doubt, and Seungmin thrives on constructive criticism because he has an insatiable need to constantly improve,” Then he looked up from his phone for the first time since they got into the van and raised an eyebrow at Hyunjin. “Which do you think you’re best suited for?”

Hyunjin sighed through a pout and turned to look out the window at the very interesting streets that they pass several times every day to and from their dorms. 

Jisung giggled and leaned into Hyunjin’s side.

“We’re staying over too. We just wanted to know if the driver would need to make another stop. We know you have a soft spot for Seungminnie, we all do.”

Hyunjin ran his fingers up and down Jisung’s thigh and he shook his head fondly down at where Jisung was squished against him. 

They stayed like that until they felt the car slow to a stop and they collectively made their way up to their dorm. 

Seungmin was watching the highlights of baseball from that day on the couch when they walked in and Hyunjin joined him even though they all knew he had no interest in the sport. Minho mumbled about the shower and Chan and Jisung continued on towards his room.

Chan laid down on Minho’s bed and Jisung followed, only to get distracted by something on his desk. He tilted his head and switched directions. Chan looked up when he noticed Jisung hadn’t joined him yet.

“What’s up Sung?”

Jisung picked up Minho’s keys that were placed haphazardly on the desk. He must have left them because he knew he’d be coming back with Felix later that night. All the usual things were on there. His house key, his dorm key, a little cat keychain that looked sort of like a mix between Soonie and Doongie that Seungmin gifted him one year out of the blue. But Jisung flipped the keys around to hold them up by one brass key that looked identical to the one he had on his own keychain and he turned back to Chan.

“Wait,” Chan said, slipping off the bed to join Jisung. “Is that…”

Jisung let out a laugh. “Yeah. I mean, it looks like it right?”

“Where did he even get that? I mean it’s not like he could have one made easily. Even if you or I lose our keys it’s a whole process to get a new one made because of security, so…”

Jisung shook his head in disbelief and let the keychain fall back onto the desk with a clatter. “He’s unbelievable.”

“That he is,” Chan agreed. “Now get over here,” he said, leaning down to pick Jisung up into his arms and bring him over to the bed. He deposited him onto the mattress and snuggled up onto his chest with the biggest smile on his face. “Thank you for dinner, by the way.”

“It was Min’s idea.”

“Sure but you helped, yeah?”

Jisung hummed.

“And I could taste the love in it,” he said, kissing his forehead, then shifting back down so he could look at him properly.

Jisung shook his head. 

“It’s true!” He waited a moment before crawling back up the bed to hover over him. “Let me prove it to you.”

“Prove what?”

“How thankful I am.”

Jisung hummed as Chan lowered himself to Jisung’s lips.

He couldn’t help but think about how far they’d come. Chan from a few months ago never would have been so bold. He was afraid of liking even just Minho, let alone Jisung. He wouldn’t have even thought about being in this situation. But here he was now, kissing him like his very lifeforce came from Jisung’s lungs on the bed of the man they’d both fallen head over heels for. 

It was a dream.

Jisung gasped when Chan’s tongue slipped between his lips and licked behind his teeth. He felt Chan’s smile on his lips at his reaction and his heart skipped. He moved his hands to feel under Chan’s shirt and Chan hissed at the contrast in temperature. Jisung knew his hands were cold, but Chan was so warm and he rarely got the chance to feel him like this so he would take this opportunity to do just that. His jaw went slack as he got caught up in tracing the defined lines of Chan’s hard muscle and thumbing over his hip bones. Chan must have noticed because his hand moved up to Jisung’s jaw and tilted it roughly and Jisung’s breath shuddered, snapping him back to attention. 

He must not have been the only one absorbed in their moment because they both missed the sound of the door opening and closing along with someone moving into the room before they finally announced their presence and caught their attention.

“Gross. On my bed?”

Chan barely moved away from Jisung as he looked up to see the face that matched the voice. Jisung felt a shiver run the length of his spine as Chan’s lips brushed his own when he spoke.

“Shut up,” He said, kissing Jisung once more lightly. “Don’t act like you don’t love seeing your boyfriends kiss on your bed.”

“Boyfriends?” Jisung breathed.

Chan sat up slowly. “Yeah. I mean… shit . I didn’t ask you properly.” Then he got off the bed quickly and Jisung mourned his warm presence. He knelt on the ground and took Jisung’s hand sincerely. He cleared his throat and Jisung smiled slowly. “Han Jisung. Would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend, officially?”

He giggled. “If that’s what you want.”

Chan frowned. “Try again.”

Jisung rolled his eyes. “Yes, Bang Christopher Chan. I would love to be your boyfriend.”

“Better.” He said, pressing kisses to his face as Jisung squirmed. 

“Congratulations,” Minho said flatly from across the room where he was drying his hair and searching for a shirt. “Should I get you two a gift in celebration?”

Chan huffed a laugh. 

“Minho,” Jisung whined. 

He turned around and Jisung pouted at him. He reached towards him and Minho sighed, grabbed the first shirt he laid eyes on, and crossed the room. He accepted Jisung’s outstretched hands and raised an eyebrow. Jisung opened his mouth “Minho, would you--” and Minho quickly covered it with his hand. 

“No no no. You will not take this away from me Han Jisung. I’ve been trying to build up the courage to do this for years, so you can be quiet.”

Jisung’s laugh was muffled. He licked his hand which made Minho quickly back off and wipe his hand on Chan.

“Hey!” He cried, wiping his arm on his shorts.

“It’s Jisung’s,” he said flatly. “Your tongue was just down his throat I didn’t think you would mind.”

“ Your tongue has been down his throat for years, Lee Minho! Why are you suddenly averse to having a little of his DNA on you?” Chan shot back.

Minho ignored his protest and looked at Jisung. “Be my boyfriend Han Jisung.”

Chan’s laugh echoed through the room, his feigned disgust suddenly forgotten. “All that build up for that?” 

“Shut up. He knows what he’s getting into.”

“Ah he’s such a romantic.” Jisung pretended to swoon.  “Of course I’ll be your boyfriend, Minho-yah.”

Then Minho turned to Chan and Chan beat him to it. “LeeMinhobemyboyfriend.” he said quickly with the biggest smile on his face. 

Minho frowned. “No. Application denied.” Chan giggled. “Be my boyfriend.”

“Only if you tell me why you have a key to our dorm on your keychain.”

Minho blinked a few times and Jisung tried to hide his smile as he looked around until he saw his keys sitting on the desk. Then he shrugged. “It’s Changbin’s.”

“Changbin’s?” Jisung echoed. “But he has a… wait ,” he gasped, turning to Chan. “Do you remember a few months ago when he lost his key?”

Chan rolled his eyes through a groan. “How could I forget? We all had to leave the studio at the same time. It was the worst.”

“You’re only saying that ‘cuz you had to sleep at normal-people hours,” Jisung retaliated.

Chan made a face and Jisung stuck out his tongue.

Minho shrugged. “I found it for him, I guess I forgot to give it back.”

Jisung gave him an amused smile. “And it just happened to find its way onto your keychain.”

“It was a convenient place to keep a key,” he defended.

“Mhm.” 

Chan laughed again.

It was barely an hour later and Jisung was falling in and out of sleep in Chan’s arms with his back pressed against Minho’s chest. He didn’t think he could have been happier in any other position than between his boyfriends. His boyfriends. He was so warm and he felt so… loved like this. It was really no surprise when his eyes slipped shut for the final time that night.

He was clinging onto his last sense of consciousness when he felt lips press onto the crown of his head and whispers between Chan and Minho bidding each other goodnight.

Jisung knew they had a long road ahead of them. They still had a lot to discuss and speed bumps along the way but their happiness would be worth the hardships. To love was to be a little selfish, but if it meant that Jisung got to have Chan and Minho like this? He’d love them selfishly for the rest of his life. 

⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆

The sun was bright as it shone through the window as three half-awake boys tried to finish their breakfast while some semblance of peace still settled over their dorm. It smelled like coffee and toast and the only sounds were the soft sounds of conversation at the table and clink of utensils against dishes.

Jeongin spoke through the huge bite of food he just stuffed into his mouth and Seungmin watched him chew as he pushed his eggs around his plate. Felix blinked slowly at eggs and toast on his plate and the bowl of fruit Seungmin cut up for him like he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to eat first.

He was barely listening as the maknae whined through his food.

“But Jisung and Chan-hyung don’t live here. Why wouldn’t Minho-hyung just go to them? ” 

“I don’t know why you’re complaining,” Seungmin shrugged, stealing a sip from Jeongin’s mug of coffee. “I haven’t seen them this happy in weeks.”

“It’s not like much has changed anyway. They’ve always been like this. They just like… openly make out now.” Felix chimed in without looking up from his continuous stare.

“That's why I'm complaining,” Jeongin gestured harshly. “ That’s why.” 

“Actually I sort of love it.” 

That got Felix’s attention. “What? Why?” 

“Gross,” Jeongin whined at the same time.

“Because it makes dating rumors so much easier now!” Seungmin explained, ignoring Jeongin. “Think about it. We get all sorts of intragroup dating rumors right?” He paused and Felix nodded hesitantly. “But if all three of them are dating, no one’s going to expect that. So, they’ll always be wrong if they try to pair any two of them together… technically. They’ll have nothing because as soon as they think Chan-hyung and Minho-hyung are dating for sure, they’ll see Minho and Jisung do something extra suspicious.” He shoveled a bite of eggs into his mouth. “You see what I'm saying?”

Felix nodded slowly. “That’s actually a really good point.”

“No, I don’t care,” Jeongin proclaimed. “I don’t like feeling scared that I'm gonna walk into a room and witness my members making out or.. I don’t know… worse. ” He sighed and let his face fall into his hands drastically. “What happened to not corrupting the maknae?”

Felix snorted. “I think that stopped when you started body rolling on stage and sticking out your tongue the way Hannie does.” 

“Sorry Innie,” Seungmin laughed, sounding nothing close to sorry as he picked up a strawberry slice and brought it to Felix’s mouth, which he accepted mindlessly.

“Also this is Minho we’re talking about,” Felix continued after swallowing his second berry. “Didn’t he explicitly say he wanted to corrupt you? Am I misremembering that?” 

Jeongin groaned.

“Are you homophobic?” Seungmin asked seriously, but Felix watched his mouth twitch at the corners. He laughed as Jeongin sputtered, trying to defend himself against the baseless allegations, then just zoned out as he watched Seungmin struggle to pick up a grape with his chopsticks. “You can’t do that, Felix is gay too.”

“Hm? Felix?” he said, suddenly tuning back in.

“Are you even a participant in this conversation?” Jeongin accused.

Felix shrugged. “I’m just trying to eat breakfast.”

A door opened down the hall and Jeongin stood up so fast his chair nearly toppled over.

“I’m out!” He said, heading towards the door. Felix laughed so hard he nearly choked on his bite of toast.

“I’ll baby-sit,” Seungmin sighed, strolling after him as Jeongin shoved his shoes on and flung the door open.

Seconds after Seungmin followed Jeongin out and closed the door, Chan appeared from the hallway with messy hair and puffy eyes. He blinked at the three plates and looked at Felix munching on the remainder of his toast. 

“Morning,”

“Morning,” he replied.

“Where’s everyone?” He asked, rubbing the back of his neck, only succeeding in making his hair more messy. 

“Left. You just missed them,” Felix replied, trying to hide his smile. 

Chan hummed sleepily and moved over to pick at Felix’s fruit. He looked up at him and saw a cluster of purple marks at the base of his neck and he leaned up to poked one. Chan scratched at it mindlessly. 

“You know,” he mumbled. “Before we head out today, I have some concealer you can use for all that. Sung too if he looks anything close to the way you do.”

Chan’s eyes widened and he craned his neck trying to look at the spot he poked and Felix was glad he didn’t have food in his mouth that time, because he most definitely would have choked.