Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Before becoming an FBI agent you had to sit in many lectures covering vastly different subjects covering not only how to catch the criminal but also how to handle the victim. One lecture was over littles, while it was an overview for caregivers and basic knowledge for the littles, neutrals still had to educate themselves.

Classification weren't something publicly discussed frequently in the workplace which was something Reid was quite thankful for. No-one was required to state their classification as it could open the possibility of discrimination. There were people who believed littles to possess lower IQ or be incompetent which was scientifically inaccurate, outside of regressed state littles were exactly like everyone else.

A healthy little didn't need to regress more than once every two weeks at the least, a month at the max, unless they were to go through something traumatic. Even then with therapy they should bounce back like any other person. Littles only tended to involuntarily regress if it has both been a while and they’re under severe distress.

Pills were available to hold off regressions for certain situations however some littles used them daily, which although was legal was bad for their mental health. It made daily stress worse as they weren't coping and letting their bodies recover, littles who abuse suppressants therefor were more likely to regress involuntarily when distressed.

Typically if someone didn't state or hint to being a little or caregiver it was assumed they were neutral as it was much more common.

Hotch and Morgan were both caregivers. JJ, Garcia, Emily, and Rossi were neutral. Everyone currently on the team except Hotch assumed Reid was also neutral.

Reid had only regressed once in the last four years and it was two years ago after Tobias Hankel. He had been lucky enough that he was able to hold off till he was released from medical care. He was so thankful that Hotch and Gideon had taken him so the others hadn't discovered he was a little from the hospitals medical records.

Reid had honestly been relieved he held it together well enough under Hankel's torture to not raise suspicion. When he awoke from the seizure he could feel himself receding to distance himself from the terror which only pushed him further back.

He wasn't sure if he was regressed and had turned his brain off completely uncapable of handling the situation or if he had turned his brain off locking all of himself completely in his head with the drug induced visions.

Reid had killed him and his hands shook in horror as he began talking to him, his brain barely processing trying to protect him from all the trauma that had occurred within the last day. Watching the light fade out of his eyes and the burning feeling of regret in his chest was all he could take.

As he saw the flashlights through the trees he immediately searched out for Gideon or Hotch to hide behind hoping they would take him immediately to the hospital as any cooing would send him straight over the edge. Not to mention Emily was new and this being one of her first impressions was something he would never live down.

Spencer could feel him slowly falling into that inbetween state half-way through the hospital visit, still thinking like an adult but his motor skills were beginning to fail him and he felt the need to curl up and cry until someone held him.

The doctors were a bit confused as he seemed to not be regressed, the few signs he was showing could easily be pinned as symptoms of being kidnapped and drugged. Who wouldn’t be whining after what he’d been through. However the nurses kept their silence.

Although Reid had been hurt none of the damage seemed to need overnight care and the drugs were out of his system however they recommended him to not be alone. They told him he could request a visit with a neurologist if he noticed any new concerns as they could be related to his seizure.

Reid was happy as they left the ER not wanting to stare at the boring white hospital walls while the fluorescent white light burned his eyes and made a soft noise only his ears could hear.

After he was all bandaged they guided him back to the van, Hotch sitting in the back seat with him having pulled him to his side. Spencer slowly slid down, his head crooked into Hotch’s shoulder drooling out of his open mouth.

Spencer was lucky he had fallen asleep before he got on the jet with everyone else although it was so late they probably wouldn’t have picked up on it anyway. All of them ready to sleep, so exhausted they barely would've been able to crowd him with their relief of his safety.

As soon as they stepped foot in Virginia and he got in Gideon's car after being offered a ride home he dropped hard and fast.
Gideon wasn't a caregiver so he had never taken care of a little, including Spencer, however he had been a father for a while. A role he had lost and internally missed dearly.

Gideon had expected it, he knew Reid well and he could see that Reid was conflicted, he wasn't talking much and he was analyzing things like his head was cloudy. It was odd seeing him like this, everyone saw Reid for his brain but not for his heart that he kept tucked so deeply into his chest.

Spencer had started crying as he felt his body lose the tension it had been holding and Gideon pulled him closer as he drove Spencer to his home. As weird as it sounded he had grabbed a few little supplies one day just in case this ever happened since he doubted Reid himself even had any at his own home.

He had taken care of him that night which was one of the reasons Reid had conflicting feelings. Gideon often encouraged his repression by letting it go on however had taken care of him when he needed.

Gideon leaving by only leaving a letter broke his heart he had so carefully shown him. Gideon was one of the few people he had ever trusted enough to open up too and yet he idolized him anyway despite his sudden abandonment.

Reid and Gideon had never really talked about him being a little but they had an understanding from the beginning. Gideon had found out from his paperwork and due to Reid's lack of ever mentioning it he assumed there was some sort of trauma there, which had only been confirmed when Reid desperately pleaded and begged with him.

Reid had stumbled frantically into Gideons office closing the door behind him after leaving Strauss' office, "Gideon! You can't let them, I can't do it. You have talk them into ignoring it! Please."

Gideon stood up frazzled by the sudden emotional out-pour, Reid rarely reached out for help or sounded discombobulated, "Hey, Reid, calm down, tell me what's wrong," he had his arms out as Reid looked like he would collapse.

Reid fell into his arms and cried into his neck. He had a hard time being vulnerable and getting the words out, "the age test."

Gideon had continued to comfort him and negotiated with Strauss to get the testing dismissed by hinting that it would be distressful and arguing it wasn't too significant since he, Gideon, was on the team not to mention two actual caregivers.

Aaron just like Gideon only knew of his classification because of his paperwork, it was never discussed nor was it disclosed to the rest of the team. Aaron wasn't aware of his repression, Reid had never come off as incompetent in the field nor showed sign of regression while stressed so he assumed Reid privately coped well on his own time.

He was sure Reid used suppressants to stop him from regressing under high stress as easily but the majority of littles took them occasionally to plan days accordingly. Although sometimes Hotch did worry as there were many times they would go case to case with no downtime which was stressful for everyone on the team little or not.

He had assumed it was kept it a secret as he was already so young and clearly behind in social skills, not related to his regression, that him being a little would only give more reason for people to underestimate him although he was the most impressive person on their team.
Gideon had emphasized doctor for a reason.

Hotch had been genuinely shocked not that Reid hadn't dropped until they were off the jet but instead as soon as Tobias Hankel had begun hurting him. Most littles would have dropped out of fear even if they were intelligent agents or would have dropped involuntarily for preservation as most people wouldn’t be willing to hurt a little in headspace.

Since then he had kept a closer eye, it was complicated because it could mean Reid had taken good care of himself and didn't need to self-soothe even when scared or he could be repressing.
He had assumed he was right about the repression when he saw Reid begin relying on drugs on to cope. He had tried to support Reid without ever mentioning it but he regrets that now wishing he would have helped more.

Although Reid wasn't in touch with his little side cases involving littles were sensitive to him, and it didn't help that Hotch kept his eyes on him during the presentation.

"Two littles, Tyler Brown and John Miller, have been found dead. They were both white males in their late twenties. They both have bruises around their wrist showing clear signs of restraints and were starved," Garcia presented letting out a sad sigh. "They died of dehydration and had been reported missing from work before being found about a week later. They were both found wearing little clothes. The first boy was taken a month ago and kept for about eight days, the second boy was taken reported missing three days after he was found and was dead ten days after. I would assume he's going to kidnap another little in around three days so we need to hurry."

“Odd they hadn't been injured since he held onto them for a while. If it was just murder why did he kidnap them? Maybe some connection with dehydration or starving?” Emily suggested questionably looking at the photos.

"So, we're statistically looking at a neutral who feels powerless, maybe has a little as a boss. Or maybe a caregiver who is recreating a loss of a little? We need to figure out if the boys were regressed when they were kidnapped, it would seem so because of the clothing." JJ states as a possible profile.

"I actually doubt that its a caregiver. You said both boys were slightly dehydrated and were left with some bruising. Even if this caregiver hates littles it would be difficult for him to neglect or harm them in that way. Same with if it was a little. We're likely looking at a neutral who hates that a little has more power than him. Maybe not sadistic however since the injuries were minor although the starvation and dehydration suggest otherwise. Actually did you know that 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated," he stated getting off topic, " If the clothing was put on after they were hostages then it was likely his way to degrade them." Reid corrected, rambling quickly.

"Okay, so we need to look at where they worked, who they were close too, their homes" Morgan instructs looking at Garcia. Hotch adds standing up, "as well as talk to the families, and look at the bodies. We can mainly look for neutrals but consider hurt or rejected caregivers too."

They all grabbed their go-bags to get on the jet while Garcia waved them away telling them to be careful before she began to look into the boys backgrounds. The whole team was irritated however, attempting to not let their bad moods show.

They had all just gotten home to Virginia the night before having been in North Carolina on a week long case where sadly even though they caught the killer only one victim survived.

Some slept like the dead that night, finally comfortable as their exhausted bodies relaxed into the bed eyes closing gracefully as they let sleep take them. A dark contrast to how the kids had closed their eyes until the darkness behind their eyelids consumed them.

Some coped differently unable to sleep with the overpowering guilt heavily crushing their chest. Reid tossed and turned even holding onto his only sentimental childhood item, a torn soft baby blanket, clearly loved but still well taken care of.

While it was relieving to be back in his own personal space after being overwhelmed in a hotel with the pressure to save lives keeping you awake with adrenaline so he couldn’t make his brain quiet. He felt like a soda shook up with the bottle cap still on.
He could hear his heartbeat in his ears.

He wanted to feel useful so desperately, needed the team to need him and letting them down made him feel worthless and undeserving of any praise of affection that he craved so hungrily. Gluttonous with his need for approval.

Waking up the next morning was a struggle and he was so glad that in spite of his intelligence he never got his driver's license because he was too tired to be trusted behind the wheel.

He let the cars gentle noises soothe him, happy that the driver didn’t initiate conversation. The film on his eyes and the cotton in his ears was finally beginning to dissipate having been woken up by a phone call from his deep sleep.

When Reid had walked Hotch had his poker face on, JJ looked like she could fall asleep sitting there and Morgan looked enraged. Garcia and Rossi came in with paperwork a few moment later clearly groggy with sleep.
Reid wondered if they could read how he felt.

Reid loved jet rides, although they could be cramped he found it very sensory soothing. While his mom never got a professional diagnoses it was assumed he was autistic. Most of the time his little tendencies showed were when he was overstimulated. He was decent at masking having done it a lot through school, he was already a target because of his age, being a 'freak' would only make it worse. It seemed that he was still different even when he attempted to fit in.

"So the bodies were found in the woods. Did the unsub take them from their houses?" Emily asked after Rossi restated the profile.

"I'm more confused on how he knew they were both littles," Hotch countered.

Morgan called Garcia, "Babygirl, see if Tyler or John worked at the same place or attended a similar building in which an unsub would see their medical documents such as a doctor."
"On it!"

Miller had been killed first and the was no struggle found at his home. Hotch asked the local police force to not enter Brown's home until they were on scene and gave a few more instructions.

When they landed they began to set up, expected to begin investigation as soon as on scene. Since it was already getting late and they wouldn't be able to interview the families Reid decided they should check into a hotel so the rooms were ready as they would have to sleep soon. It was bad to work unrested and there was nothing to work on at the moment.

Reid had already been close to running out of his suppressants on the last case so he knew he had to make a trip to get some more when he looked into his bag and saw that he had taken the last one the day before.

"Where you going kid?," Morgan questioned as Reid got ready to leave the room. Morgan had come along with him so they had two people to carry all the bags into the correct rooms and Hotch and the others stayed back and communicated with the local police.

Morgan had mixed feelings about rooming with Reid. He enjoyed being around Reid however he did a lot of mumbling while he slept and was a deep sleeper while Morgan wasn't. A mix of being in the F.B.I, naturally protective, and being a caregiver gave him an advantage as he woke up easier and perceived danger quicker meaning Reid kept him up all night.

"To grab us some coffee while we ponder around the table, I need caffeine, plus they're likely closing soon," Reid said putting on his bag. Morgan nodded in approval as he went to put the team's bags in the rooms they checked out, before making his way back to the police station.

Reid made his way down the street glancing at his phone for the directions before putting it back in his pocket memorizing it immediately. The sidewalk was somewhat busy with people having had the weekend off or having just gotten off at work, although it was dark out he enjoyed the soft glow the lamp-post gave lighting up the sidewalk and the bright lights given off by the buildings.

Reid liked nightlights which was likely related to his fear of the dark, it was quiet and peaceful which was something he could greatly appreciate considering he often felt over stimulated.

Reid made it to the pharmacy and was vexed to see the long line but he worked on calming himself. The stupid ass bright florescent light didn't help, he had never felt such a yearning to be standing on a crowded sidewalk. There was muted chatter around him of people communicating as well as the sounds of peoples feet shuffling on the floor.

He continued going over the case in his head using his visual memory to still analyze the photographs he had stared at previously subconsciously moving ahead in line when time.

"Hello! What can I grab for you today, Sir?"
Reid did a kind of whispered mumble however still made it clear enough to where he wouldn't need to repeat himself, "I need suppressants."

The pharmacist handed them to him in a bag with his ID and Reid grabbed it before shoving it in his and making his way to coffee shop to get back to the office with enough coffee for anyone.

When Reid arrived everyone was gathered around a table and had put the known information on a whiteboard.

"So was our unsub smart enough to trick his victims and track their routines well enough to kidnap them or were these random?" JJ asked.

"It seems so far he would be organized, kidnapping a victim for multiple days and refusing food or water hardly seems disorganized. I'm interested to know if his killings are mission oriented, lustful, or based on power and control." Hotch says writing on the board.

"So we can assume he's white," Morgan looks towards the police sitting in, "it's unlikely for killers to cross racial lines in cases like these."

A phone ringing caught their attention as Rossi who was sitting grabbed it and put it on speaker, "Garcia, have you found any connections? A similar caregiver or medical doctor?"

"Not yet, I need more information. I'm a genius not a magician. However I have good news and bad, which first?"
Reid chimed in, "good first."

"The drug and sexual report both came back negative," Garcia said to everyone's surprise.

"Okay," Emily ponders for a second, "so the unsub must be around the same age and stronger, he's likely tall and more muscular. A much older and weak man couldn't kidnap two twenty year old men, especially if they weren't regressed at the time."

They add to the board as Rossi continued, "So we know his reasoning behind the kidnapping is unlikely sexual. What's the bad news."

Garcia continued, "there was no link in their jobs, Brown was an artist and Miller was a nurse, neither were in power over another person."

"Well that puts us back to zero," Emily sighed nihilistically. They continued to brainstorm but not much could be done until morning.

"Alright, let's call it a night." Hotch ordered before shifting his eye contact to the police officers," first thing tomorrow you need to get me all documented cases on little abusers in the area ."

Morgan as predicted had a hard time sleeping with Reid's restless sleeping just a bed over so he was a bit cranky. Reid liked to lay half on his side and half on his stomach but he could squirm quite a bit and once again made noises.

Arguably they were cute until you had gone without sleep for far too long and had a long day of work ahead of you. While annoying though it did make his overprotective caregiving side relaxed to have proof that Reid was safe since he seemed to often be a target due to his clear lack of physical strength.

Morgan got up and had a nice big breakfast from the hotel with Hotch and Rossi while the others either used the time to sleep or shower, grabbing a small breakfast on their way back to the station. They waited as the others finished their breakfast although they had already discussed.

Hotch spoke, "Reid and JJ go talk to Brown's family then go to the morgue. Morgan, me and you will go see Miller's family and his home. Rossi, Emily, go to Brown's house and talk with Garcia about how he lured in his victims."

JJ drove the van as Reid sat in the passenger seat enjoying the quiet as JJ agreed to keep the music off as long as he gave her instructions on where to go. They made it to their destination to meet with Tyler browns parents quickly.

JJ and Reid made their way to the Browns doorstep before JJ knocked preparing herself to reassure the distressed family, especially since Reid struggled having emotional discussions with the adults or those without shared experience, even if he empathized.

JJ comforted the saddened family. "Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Brown, I'm so sorry for your loss, do you mind us asking a few questions?"

The couple both had red eyes and red noses due to the frequent pressure that came with wiping them. Their clothes were ruffled and furrowed wrinkles would fit perfectly with the expressions adorning their faces.
They waved both of them inside very willing to discuss, wanting to get justice for their son.

"Can you tell us a little about Tyler?," JJ asked softly.
"He was a very kind but intelligent man. He was so creative and he gave his all to everything he did, but he was generous. He donated to many different charities and volunteered at many places throughout the years. He was stubborn but a good man."

Reid nodded understandingly wanting to validate his respect for the deceased to the family, "Was there anyone he mentioned in terms of work or who maybe he hung out with acting different. Anyone new he invited into his house even like a plumber or delivery man?"

"No, Tyler tends to stick closely to his friends, he hasn't," she paused, "hadn't mentioned anything different and I'm sure he would mention if he got some sort of housework done."

"I'm sorry if this is insensitive to ask but I'm sure you know it is important to this case. Did Tyler have a caregiver, or a babysitter, was there anyone who looked after him when he was little?" JJ asked inquisitively, most littles had someone but so far no one had been mentioned which was a bit surprising. Not every little had a caregiver because some still regressed to an age they could take care of themselves but most wanted to share that childlike joy and innocence with someone they loved or at least trusted.

"No, Tyler was on suppressants, and he never went off them. We told him it wasn't healthy but there is only so much we could do. Some of his friends knew but it was just kind of an unspoken rule that he didn't want to discuss it," his Dad looked almost ashamed. He felt responsible.

They both nodded. Reid was hoping his awkwardness didn't show, this case was hitting a little too close to home right now.
"I mean I understand, he just didn't trust someone enough but I wish he could've gotten the chance to let go like that."

JJ drove them to the morgue as Emily and Rossi searched Tyler Brown's house with the local police joining.

"Well it's very simple, he definitely is very close with his family and friends," Emily said looking around his bedroom which they had saved for last. His paintings were hung all around his house showing he was obviously driven and proud of his work. He had many photographs all with reoccurring faces decorating his home.

"He wouldn't let anyone he doesn't know into the house without telling a family or a friend so considering there is no signs of struggle the likelihood of him being taken from his house is non-existent," Rossi analyzed.

They began to look through drawers and Emily furrowed her brows as she looked under his bed, "Rossi, there's no little supplies in this whole apartment, I mean not even a damn stuffed animal."
Rossi nodded, "Yeah I'm starting to get that. So he doesn't regress or he goes somewhere else."

Emily called Garcia as she got in the car, "Garcia, can you see if Tyler Brown is on any attendance sheets at any babysitting or daycare places nearby."

She was silent for a second as she looked, "Mmmm, sorry Em, I don't see anything for him or John Miller. I can try and see if they have any of the same friends. I already checked for anyone obvious they might've interacted with but nothing really gave me any red flags."

"It doesn't seem he was taken from home as there was no struggle so I would assume it's the same for Miller. Can you check the camera's that were on his way home?"
"Already pulling it up girlfriend!"

JJ and Reid began discussing with the mortician to see if there was anything they missed.

"Were there any other injuries besides the contusions left by the restraints?," Reid asked looking at the bruises on Brown. He compared with the photo from Miller who had already been buried.
"Their throats were raw, they both had been crying a lot. Nothing else besides they hadn't been fed or given water. The wrist suggest rope burn."

"I don't understand why he would take them just to let them die of dehydration," JJ stresses.
"If it weren't for the lack of injuries I'd say sadism because that is a quite painful way to die."

Hotch and Morgan finished talking to the Miller family who were less willing possibly because the local police had already talked with them and had found nothing. Loss affected everyone differently, they were more closed off. They said much of the same things, he was a good boy who hadn't seemed to meet anyone new and didn't regress which his house proved.

Emily speaks as Reid and JJ walk in while they get Garcia on the computer, "They weren't taken from their houses, Brown's house was clean and there were no little supplies at his house so the onesie had to have been put on post-mortem."

"Well according to Miller's family he didn't regress and his house showed no sign of struggle just as the paperwork said," Hotch stated matching up their information.

JJ added, "Brown's family said the same thing," she said confused, "So he's taking little's who repress their regression? How is he finding his victims?" Her eyebrow furrowed.

Garcia joined in, "I got video footage of Miller being yanked into a van against his will at two am having worked a very late shift at the hospital so there were no witnesses. The man was around six foot and bulky, I couldn't see his face and the clothes were generic. I couldn't get the plates, and the dark made it hard to see the color. I found a clip of Brown walking but there's no footage of him being taken, I know it was around twelve am. "

"If it's not someone they both know then he must have watched them to know when they would be alone. It can't be random," Morgan states.
"I still can't find any connection between friends and there was no shared phone number between the two" Garcia states frustrated.

"Garcia, see if any of them had been to the DMV or been stopped by a police officer lately, maybe it wasn't paperwork that the unsub had seen but their license," Reid suggest, his mouth open as usual when he thinks of leads. He only thought of it because he hated showing his license.
"Yes! Thank you boy genius, I wouldn't have thought of that."

"So is he specifically choosing his victims based on them being little or are characteristics important too. I mean the men were around the same age and look very similar, lanky with brown eyes and brown hair, so were these two just his first opportunities or were they chosen," Rossi ask. They had all considered it but it wasn't important to mention until they had more of a profile. Plus with a kidnapping span of about three days it would be hard to be picky rather than opportunistic.

That made Hotch freeze up, they didn't know how the unsub was finding his victims and he knew there was no way he could know about Reid so he anxiously ignored it.

Garcia continued to look over their social media profiles and records but wasn’t finding anything new. She checked hundreds of camera surveillances desperately to find the vehicle. Meanwhile everyone else continued to read over the paperwork, analyze the photos, and bounce ideas off one another.

Reid was finding himself tired though he was sure he wasn't the only one, he held back the urge to yawn. The team was flipping through old cases to find any similarities but coming back with nothing certifiable.

"Tomorrow morning we will check out the dump sites, everyone get some rest and be here early. He might be hunting his next victim now," Hotch told them as they all hurriedly got their belongings together.

The next morning was rushed, Reid took a shower to wake himself up having slept horribly. The uncomfortable blankets didn't help and Morgan had snored all night having fallen asleep first.
They all grabbed the complimentary breakfast on their way and ate in the vans.

Emily took a sip of her coffee and made a gross face, pursing her lips before teasingly pleading, "Reid, could you get us more of that coffee? This departments coffee is just, horrible. You can get there quicker than us with your perfect genius memory."

The team all looked to him obviously in agreement however didn't want to ask meanwhile Emily made a smirking face to mess with him.
"Fine, I can go get the coffee" he rolled his eyes. He had been learning how to have more playful humor.

Honestly, he enjoyed the break and they were all in desperate need of an energy boost.

It was much simpler walk since it was earlier on a weekday with everyone working so the sidewalk was much clearer. It was peaceful despite the lights being off, the sun bright enough to illuminate his surroundings.

He waited patiently in line observing the few other people in the building and took a seat as his larger order for the whole team was being made.

He had to balance the coffees to open the door as he walked out. He held the carton tray, that was not very sensory soothing making him cringe, with both hands as he made his way down the street listening to his feet patter on the concrete.

The sidewalk was empty giving him plenty of walking space as he continued back to the police station. Reid had a gun in the holster on his hip but the calm feeling was a distraction as he was caught off guard, a blindfold being wrapped around his eyes.

The blindfold reminded him when he had been bullied in college, taped to a pole and left there, it was the first time he had regressed.

The older kids were all circled around him as his heartbreak showed clear on his face while he realized the prettiest girl in school was pranking him. He was encircled with no way to escape as two bigger boys backed him up to the pole.

He was bait surrounded by gluttonous piranhas all desperate for an outlet for their teenage angst. His heart thrummed as he scanned for an exit.

He was sixteen at this time, close to finishing his first college degree and he had just been classified. He had lied about his regression knowing his mom couldn’t care for him and he couldn’t care for his mom the way she needed if he let himself be vulnerable. It was safer for both of them.

He felt the air dissipate as his lungs stood still in terror when they began to use their force and yank his hair to hold his head back and take away his sight. He was almost glad that he couldn’t see the mocking faces and the laughter he could hear.

He dissociated as they began to tie him up separating himself from the emotional distress and dread he was suffering. He went completely blank until they began throwing insults.

He felt helpless and began to sob, tugging against the rope to get his thumb free so he could put it in his mouth. Everyone continued to laugh, unaware of what was happening, until they got bored and left him like he was a toy a child forgot about after Christmas.

This time there was no tape.

He could feel a large almost suffocating hand cover his mouth, the man was bigger than him, and between the blindfold and the hot coffee he had just spilt on his pants there was really no way of getting out of the man's grasp or grabbing his gun.

Spencer tried to kick and bite, which horrified him, he could only imagine how many germs were now being transferred, but it all seemed to be useless. Spencer hadn't seen a van but he knows he is being put inside one as the man ties a rag around his mouth to prevent him from speaking and ties his wrist after slamming the door and sitting him down.

Reid would've put together the very obvious thought that they were all on suppressants if he wasn't so rejective of any thoughts on his own classification and if he didn't let his fear completely deny the possibility of being a possible victim.

Chapter Text

Reid's head felt like cotton when he woke up and his ears were ringing. He had to blink his eyes a few times before he could process where he was.

His wrist and ankles were tied to the bedpost and he was in a onesie. He must have exhausted himself in the van with all the crying and screaming.

“Don’t worry, I’ll untie you once the suppressants leave your system, shouldn’t be much longer now anyhow,” a tall man leaned over the bed smiling. He had dark black hair that was short and pointed upwards, stubble making his face look rough.

Reid could only assume he was correct as he felt an overwhelming cloud begin to inhabit his brain and his heart begin to quicken with untamed emotion.

“You’re the pharmacist,” Reid confirmed.

“What a smart boy,” He snickered. Reid couldn’t figure out if he was mocking him or being genuine. “I’ve been following you these last few days when I had time, saw you staying at a hotel but it didn’t seem like you were alone. Clearly they aren’t taking care of you like they should though.” He ran his hand down Reid's face which Reid furled with disgust.

The man noticed and his face hinted at aggression but ultimately remained blank with his effort to calm himself at his rejection.

The man had left Reid again for a while, not wanting to interact with him until the suppressants wore off which would without a doubt cause him to regress considering the circumstances.

Reid yanked lightly at the rope to see if there was any give but found them to be strict, he could feel a slight burn from where they encircled his limbs.

It was about an hour or so when Spencer could feel his head getting heavy, his body becoming limp, and his brain slowing down.

He had already examined the room but there was little to go on, the walls were white which was quite boring for a littles room. There was one window but it was completely covered and offered no light source which was instead given by a basic lamp.

The man had walked in again and untied him, if he noticed the slight shove Spencer attempted he didn't show any sign. Spencer was left to continue staring over the walls, it was ridiculous to say he was bored in this situation but quite frankly the whole situation was severely under stimulating.

Spencer was laid on the bed curled up holding onto a baby blanket, looking for comfort for anywhere he could find it. It wasn’t his but it was close enough.

He knew there was danger nearby but he couldn't quite remember the full extent of why, his brain attempting to protect him as he dropped into his headspace for the first time in years rather ruthlessly.

He was just thankful that the bed was warm and cozy but he was hoping he'd see his family soon. He's confused and doesn't know where he's at and just wants to be held in any pair of arms that he knows he would be safe in.

He heard a door open and a big man who he remembered had hurt him was coming in. Spencer tried not to cry but his hands were clutching the blanket tightly and his bottom lip was quivering.

The man would have had impeccable timing if it wasn't for the fact he had been watching Spencer through a monitor.

"Hey sweetie. Aren't you a cute little boy, you wanna play?"

That was the last thing Spencer wanted and obviously the unsub had picked up on that because the next thing he knew he was being screamed at.

"You're a little! Fucking act like it! This must be the reason you don't have a caregiver, you're a bad boy," the man berated him.

Spencer didn't know how he could 'act' any more like a little considering he was literally cowering, close to tears. He couldn't get his mouth to form the words he wanted to desperately call out. He wanted his team.
"Quit that crying boy!" the man demanded.

Spencer tried to but was only slightly successful. Tears continued to well up in his eyes, his nose sniffled, and his lip quivered but he was silent as the man continued to yell.

The man eventually quit and wiped Spencer's eyes and comforted him which made Reid feel sick. He wanted the man away from him, he didn't want his comfort, it was confusing him.

Spencer had begun to feel exhausted not too long after the unsub attempted to get Spencer to play with him due to all the negative emotional responses in his body but he fought to stay awake. He was scared if he fell asleep something would happen, maybe that he'd be killed or taken somewhere more isolated. The man was rolling a car across the bed and making Spencer copy him, he was yawning and uninterested in rolling the wooden car around.

"Are you a sleepy baby? I think it's time for your nap." The man was tucking the blanket around him and Spencer was so fuzzy in the head that he didn't even realize until the man began to walk away. Reid whimpered but was too tired to push the warm blankets off or keep his eyes open.

By the time an hour had passed the team started getting worried as to why Reid had not come back yet. Morgan kept calling but it sent him to voicemail every time which was unlike Reid.

"Morgan, call Garcia, get her to pin his last location," Hotch directed.

Hotch was more worried than the rest because he knew the truth. What didn't make sense was how the unsub knew Reid was an agent, he clearly was unaware of his classification because there was no way for him to get that information. So where had Reid been seen by the unsub.

"I got a location, it seems his phone is not dead and has been at the coffee shop for about forty-five minutes, so obviously it's been left there," Garcia informed them with a worried voice.

"Okay, we need to retrace his steps, find out where the unsub had spotted him. Maybe he was watching Brown's family or just us in general." Hotch speculated hesitantly as it was unlikely that the unsub was watching them without being noticed.

Emily considered a missing link from the profile, "Garcia, check the victims and Reid's credit card purchases, see if they went to the same place."

"How would a store manager have found out they were little?," Rossi objected completely lost as Garcia searched.

"I have nothing on Reid as his credit card use is practically non-existent, but I got something on the victims, they both went to a pharmacy the day before they were reported missing. That pharmacy is right next to the cafe, could that be it?"

Hotch felt it all click together, "they were getting suppressants, that's how the unsub knew!" Reid must have ran out and bought some, the unsub didn't even know Reid was an agent. Spencer just happened to be his third victim.

His concern was raised turning into distress despite now having a lead. Reid could be suffering right now and it was his job as the leader and the only one aware to protect Reid.

"Garcia, see if they hired someone new recently or a worker went through something traumatic," Morgan requested.

JJ was still a few steps behind and confused, "but why was Reid at the pharmacy? And how did the unsub know he was an agent?" She sat down having previously been looking at the board.

Hotch knew it wasn't his place to tell the team but it was important information and once they weren't under the influence of the adrenaline rushing through their body with their profiling skills they would piece it together.

"He didn't know that Reid was an agent," Hotch revealed looking at the team, Emily sitting down joining the rest of the them.
"Then how-"
Emily was cut short by Hotch, "Reid's a little."

Hotch walked over to Reid's bag that he carried around with him before looking through the zipped up pocket inside and pulling out a pack of newly bought pills as he waited for someone to open their mouths.

He wanted to be clear with it, Reid wasn't required to tell them. Hotch had profiled Reid and he had drawn a blank on whether his regression habits were healthy although for the last few years he became more and more sure about his theory. He didn't know how to bring the topic up so he hoped for a right time but it never arrived.

Reid had never regressed on the field or at work. However he never did on the plane or at the hotel either, which wasn't a bad thing necessarily but intense involuntary regression during stress, regressing for more than a day at a time, and not regressing after stress could be signs of unhealthy coping and could become permanent ‘symptoms’ after years of repression. He didn't know if Reid was just uncomfortable regressing around the team or if Reid just didn't take care of himself in general. Worse if he had a bad experience.

Garcia's head lifted up from her searching feeling so sick she couldn’t control her actions. The thought of Reid vulnerable, afraid, and little while a man held him captive made her stomach sink. The fact that she didn’t see it before made it plummet.

Everyone was stunned for a moment until Derek stood and shouted, "And you didn't think that was important information for us to know!?" Although many wouldn’t notice it he was holding back otherwise Hotch would’ve been hearing repeated profanity such as ‘fuck you’.

The anger was visible on his face almost like he was a cartoon character, it would be easy to imagine him read with steam coming out of his ears. Hotch looked almost small in Morgan’s intimidating towering shadow.

"It would be rude to inform you without Reid's permission, the only reason I'm telling you now is because it's important to the case."

They were all trying to remain calm. Morgan was enraged and terrified, he couldn't protect his pretty boy. He was already protective of him, saw him as a little brother, he couldn't handle the thought that Spencer was even more in need of his protection than normal and that he wasn't there to provide it.

He was also mad that Reid had kept it a secret and that Hotch seemed to be in the know. He trusted him with practically everything, why was Reid keeping secrets.

Emily hated that this man had used Reid's regression to his advantage. Reid was so sensitive and kind and he was the one being hurt. Not to say he couldn’t handle it but she felt she compartmentalized better and wished she were in his spot instead.

JJ couldn't even process, her and Reid were very close, he was literally Henry's godfather. He had never told her, she felt the need to comfort him, to fight for him the same way she would for her son.

Rossi was attempting to stay calm and preparing himself to plan to get the unsub arrested and get to Reid soon so he could get properly taken care of.

"Hotch, you obviously knew Reid was a little because it has to be on his paperwork. What did the mandatory test put his age range as?," Rossi questioned needing to know how old Reid would be so they could make sure they had supplies.

Garcia felt intense pressure listening to the yelling over the phone as she was expected to find the offender, hands shaking while digging into every possibility.

"There wasn't one listed. I think somehow Gideon got them to dismiss the test."
"What!?" Derek yelled, it seemed like the situation just got worse and worse.

"I don't think Reid is comfortable with his regression or he might have had a bad experience. I couldn't mention anything because there's no evidence but I don't think he takes a break with his suppressants."

"Oh god, this is bad," Emily rubbed her palm into her eye letting out a breath unable to hide her concern.

Garcia's voice was filled with worry as she spoke up, "Well I have some good new, there is a man who was just hired at the pharmacy a few weeks ago, and he is a caregiver with no little. Looks like he was fired at his last job in which his boss was a little because of rude remarks."

"Caregiver wasn't in our original profile," JJ reminds.
"No, but it's possible. He's a caregiver who has likely been rejected by littles, which clearly makes sense, and has a low-level job position, obviously his self-esteem is low. He sees what he is doing as a good thing, that littles need to be little and that he is superior." Hotch profiles.

"Why the killing though, especially by dehydration and being starved, that doesn't make sense?," Rossi fretted. The team had no ideas. They all thought about how Reid probably would have solved it by now.

"I think he's disorganized and we were wrong. I think he can't control his compulsions and he's been risk-taking. He took barely any time to plan his abductions," JJ corrected their previous assumptions.

"Babygirl, do you have an address?"
"I looked at his paperwork and the address he put on there isn't even a real home. The manager is old, she probably didn't care to double check. I mean who lies about their address?"

"Garcia call Morgan if you can find his home or where he’s staying, we're going to go to the scene, maybe we can find his phone as well."

Garcia frantically worked on the unsubs relative's addresses as Hotch and Emily went to Reid's last location. Rossi went to get Reid's bag from the hotel as well as the other items so they could leave as soon as the case was over. Morgan and JJ remained on the phone with Garcia looking over evidence.

Rossi had taken Morgan’s key to the room him and Reid were sharing and cleaned up the few items strewn around putting them into their bags. He placed Morgan’s heavy duffel on the bed before making his way to Reid’s, barely unpacked as his ‘work bag’ which was still at the station contained his frequently used items.

Rossi was surprised when his invasive search of Reid’s bag didn’t come up with a single little item except for an aged baby blanket hidden at the bottom which he took out and put in his jacket pocket.

Meanwhile Hotch and Emily were parking near the coffee shop.
"There!," Emily pointed to the spilled coffee and did a bit of a jog.

They analyzed the scene, "Well obviously whoever grabbed him had surprised him," Hotch stated as Emily searched the decorative bushes for his phone.
"Yeah, this is Reid's phone," Emily let out a stressed sigh.

Hotch nodded, calling Garcia, "Hey, we have a camera from the cafe pointed outside, we might be able to find something, I need you to get in."
"Doing it right now," she informed pulling up the camera after Hotch gave her the building's location. "I got something!" Garcia was relieved that she found a lead.

"He was pulled into a red van,” She continued and paused as it drove away, “I got a view of the plates! I'm checking the address for the license plate now.

Hotch and Emily waited as Garcia kept typing before they heard her inhale heavily and exhale relieved before rambling out an address.

They picked up pace making their way back to the van, "Garcia send the address to Morgan and Rossi as well, one of them might be clo-"
"Already did it Sir."

Morgan, JJ, and Rossi all got in the van together with Rossi driving as he was the most level headed. Emily had called for back up as she sat passenger in Hotch’s van telling them they had found the unsub and that he had an FBI agent hostage so they knew there would be serious consequences if they shot without aim.

Spencer was extremely distraught when he woke up to yelling and banging, unsure of what was happening, in a dark unknown room. He cuddled up against the wall as the bed happened to be pressed against it so the room had a wide open playspace.

His kidnapper had barely any comfort items for the littles he kidnapped which was shocking considering how much work he had put in to taking them.

Spencer's hand was clenching onto the baby blanket as tight as he could but it wasn't enough. It wasn’t his.

Not to mention Spencer had completely regressed by this point so he wasn't thinking critically enough to worry about the germs on his thumb which he slipped into his mouth. The suckling motion calmed him a slight amount but tears were still racing down his cheeks and he was making himself as small as possible, practically caving into the wall with the blanket pulled up to his shoulders and his knees held to his chest.

Morgan, JJ, and Rossi were at the front door while Hotch and Emily were circling around back to make sure there wasn't another possible exit. They wanted a caregiver on both sides so whoever got there first would have someone to rush to Spencer. Not that the others couldn't do it, they absolutely could but Spencer was likely to be extremely distraught and a caregiver would be best in that moment.

"FBI! Open the door!," Rossi shouted knocking loudly. The man shocked as his house was surrounded with officers not knowing how they identified him.

They heard a clash and footsteps rushing the opposite way without plan completely derailing. Morgan was already kicking the door in while JJ and Rossi aimed their guns for backup.

Spencer had heard another loud noise before the door to the room he was in was opened by the unsub charging in frantically with a gun. His sobbing worsened around his thumb and snot was starting to contribute to his messy face.

The sound of footsteps were right behind and he was finding himself to be overstimulated by all the noises. If his hands weren't busy he would be using them to cover his ears but he wasn't willing to give up his only comforts.

Emily and Hotch were stationed at the back door assuming the man would make a run for it, he was a coward, not the type to shoot although he was quite disoriented right now so it was best to stay cautious.

Derek, Rossi, and JJ made their way into the room which made Spencer want to put his arms out but he could tell that they obviously couldn't come over to him at the moment.

"Put the guns down or I'll shoot him!" The unsub screamed gesturing to the gun that was pointed at Spencer, although from a distance, his arm elongated to the side.

They all three took a quick glance at Reid who was huddled and hysterical. Derek was furious but had to try and stay clear-headed. It was hard seeing Spencer sobbing and clenching onto a small blanket desperate to be rescued and not immediately run and pull him into his lap.

Spencer didn't even know why he was crying at this point, his emotions having become so dysregulated. When his team entered and he felt the relief that all his wishing had come true he had started sobbing even harder.

Despite this he made little noise, chest heaving and mouth moving with snot running down his face. He replaced his thumb with two fingers which suppressed his tongue.

JJ may not be a caregiver but she was a mother and her chest hurt physically at the sight of terror on the clearly very young littles face, she imagines what that would look like on her son.

Rossi had grown to love the boy and seeing a friend, not to mention a little, being threatened made it hard to humanize the killer but he knew he was the best at controlling his emotions due to his age and experience.

"You won't shoot, you took littles for a reason. Your goal wasn't to hurt them," Rossi reasoned.
"Switch places with me or I'll pull this trigger!," The man said shooting a bullet into the wall.

If Spencer weren't in headspace he would have thanked every person known to man that the unsub had put him into a diaper because he had been taken quite a few hours ago, not too mention he hadn't peed for a good while before then. Even if he wasn’t regressed his bladder would have given up by now but with the regression and the loud bullet being shot above his head he would have been gifted a very embarrassing memory of being comforted while disgustingly soaked.

They had all been given mics before entering so no one charged in putting them at risk, instead having been given a code word. Hotch, Emily, and the police officers outside had gotten prepared as adrenaline shot through them similar to how they imagined the bullet. The boys crying was deafening, no longer silent, as they attempted to hear the conversation happening through it.

The team switched places with him as he requested knowing that both the front and back door were covered. It got them closer to Spencer anyhow, JJ had taken a second to look at him and she was severely worried about Spencer who clearly had an issue with regressing. This wouldn't help.

The man walked slowly backwards out the door before dropping the gun, stupidly, and making a run for it. Hotch had his gun pointed at the door while Emily was stood to the side also holding her gun so he was completely cornered. The door opened harshly as he ran and abruptly stopped realizing what he had just ran into and why the agents agreed so easily.

"Hands behind your head or I'll shoot," Emily demands.
The man sluggishly does as she says while she handcuffs him, "I was doing the right thing! Littles need someone to care for them, they shouldn't be able to work. They're worthless compared to us, it's disrespectful!"
It was clear the man didn’t even know what to believe having put littles both on a pedestal and degrading them.

"Travis Moore, you're being arrested for the kidnapping of Tyler Brown, John Miller, and Spencer Reid, and for the murders of Tyler Brown and John Miller. You have the right to remain silent," Emily stated doing the hard thing and walking to hand him off to the local police guarding the front door instead of checking on Spencer.

After the unsub had run out of the room Spencer had begun to lift his arms showing he wanted to be held but before he could even finish Morgan was already throwing his gun down and pulling Spencer into his lap with his head settled into the crook of his neck.

Spencer had let go of the baby blanket as Morgan's shirt made a much better comfort item. He pulled his fingers out of his mouth crying into Derek’s shirt, the sound muffled as his face was held there.

JJ approached slowly and ran her fingers through his hair working to easily detangle it while staring at Derek who was holding Spencer desperately, afraid that if he let go of him he would disappear. "It's okay now, Derek's got you, you're safe now pretty boy."

Derek continued to coo and say gentle reassurances to Reid. Slightly jostling him on his knee before realizing how cold his legs are, grabbing the blanket and pulling it over them like a cocoon.

"Rossi, check for actual little supplies, not just a baby blanket," JJ requested quietly since she was sat behind Spencer.

Rossi remember the one in his pocket before taking it out and handing it to Morgan, “I found this in his bag.”
Morgan handed it to Spencer who although was not looking immediately recognized it by texture and let out a grateful whine. They were equally grateful Rossi had thought to bring it along.

Rossi rummaged around but only found two toy cars and onesies. No pacifiers, teethers, rattles, stuffed animals, bottles, sippy cups. Most caregivers had special stuff for their littles like light and sound machines, this man didn't even have the basics, this was literal neglect. He made his way to the kitchen just in case the bottles and sippy cups were stored there but found nothing.

He began walking to the door planning to go to the van for the emergency little kit they had stored in the back. They always replaced them after used but that was rare as usually there were paramedics with a kit but he bumped into Hotch.

"Is Spencer alright?"
"I think he'll be okay when he's not so scared. We need to get something to eat or drink though, I was walking to get the kit," Rossi informed.
"What do you mean?," Hotch was confused, why would the kit be needed? Wouldn't the kidnapper have better supplies?

"There's nothing here Hotch. I think the starvation and dehydration was an accident and JJ was right. Moore was so obsessed with his beliefs he began the plan before he even had his homebase set up and he was so obsessed with making it perfect that he didn't take care of them," Rossi explained.

Hotch felt quite sick honestly but told Rossi to continue before making his way to the room. He saw Spencer being held tightly and rocked slightly by Derek while JJ rubbed up and down his back. Both saying things to comfort him while he made occasional sniffles in the plain room.

"Where's Rossi, I told him to find some supplies," JJ asked quietly, aware they had probably run into each other.
"He went to get the kit, he figured out why they hadn't eaten or drank." Morgan looked up at that, his head previously being on Spencer's shoulder as his hand held the back of his head to his neck.

"He was so obsessed with his plan he didn't even buy proper supplies first and was so obsessed with trying to make them play along that he didn't take care of them."

Hotch was unaware Emily had walked up behind him during his explanation as she analyzed the scene in front of her. "I think we need to try and leave soon, he needs to eat and drink and this room isn't going to help him relax," Emily suggested, breaking through their relief and concern.

Morgan nodded before Rossi walked in with the kit, "There's a gas-station about a mile away where we can grab a water or juice."

Derek went to move Spencer off his lap so he could stand up but was met with a wretched sob that stopped him immediately in his tracks. Everyone looked over unsure what to do before hesitantly leaving at Derek’s request he had asked.

"Can we have some privacy for a moment?," Morgan whispered before quietly calling out for Hotch to stay and help clean him up. They replaced the onesie with a soft warm sweater and a pair of sweatpants from Spencer’s duffel before going out to the van.

Derek had carefully pulled Spencer's head into his shoulder as they exited the scene protecting his eyes from the sun and the large crowd of police celebrating the FBI's work.

Some looked like they might walk over to both thank and apologize to Reid but Hotch warned them off with his eyes. Spencer need to separate from what just happened and he wasn't going to be able to process the meaning of what they were telling him so there was no point.

Spencer was hitched on Morgan's hip who was glad that he could carry him although it was a reminder that he needed to remind Spencer to eat more.

Emily and Rossi were leaning over in the van moving bags around to make proper space for Reid to be comfortable, showing their love with action.

As the team saw them walk out they could finally excuse themselves to leave and focus on the new concern of finding a balance between pampering and overbearing him with care.

They were able to, illegally, squish all six of them in the car since Reid was sat in Derek's lap, none of the team wanting to be separated from him.

Another agent was driving the second van back to the airport. They had to be back in Virginia due to their time limit and the jet honestly was probably more comfortable than a hotel. It was familiar.

A paramedic had looked Spencer over before they drove off and decided there was no reason for him to be admitted to the hospital. It would only stress him out more and the only thing they could offer was an IV to hydrate him quicker.

In the meantime they had called Garcia who was panicking enclosed in her small separate office space staring at the screen in silence awaiting an update. Garcia teared up as she finally could breathe although she was concerned hearing that Spencer was clearly upset.

Spencer was still disassociated, even more so now as he recognized he was safe. His mind involuntarily shut off trusting those around him to take care of him. They were all just glad this happened with them hating the idea of Spencer's vulnerability in dangerous hands.

He wasn't really aware that the team was there, he just knew he was warm, being held and someone had slipped something more comfortable than his thumb into his mouth.

He could hear light discussion and feel a small hand running up and down his back while a piece of hair tickled the side of his face. He had unknowingly leaned his head towards Emily while JJ's hand rubbed soothingly.

Chapter Text

Meanwhile Hotch drove, keeping everyone calm and Rossi looked out for a shop to grab supplies from the passenger side.

The little supply kit was minimal, a pacifier, a bottle and a sippy cup.
They pulled into a small family store and Rossi turned around looking into the back seat, "Do you have an idea on his age?"

Although sometimes littles could drop younger when distressed but it wasn't typically a giant jump, and his age range hadn't been listed on his files.

"I can't be too sure cause he's still upset but I'd say he's little, like really little" Derek stresses before trying to lighten the mood, ruffling Spencer's hair slightly "just a baby, huh pretty boy!," he cooed.

Derek wasn’t one to do the ‘baby talk voice’ it felt less sincere so the soft words sounded slightly odd in his rough deeper voice although you could hear the smile.

Spencer still had his eyes closed but he smiled where his head was on Derek's chest which caused them to all smile despite feeling sick to their stomach's. You didn't have to be a caregiver to know that this was all continuing to get more and more fucked up.

It was getting quite clear that Spencer never regressed, because if he did he would have to have a caregiver with how little he was as he wouldn't be able to take care of himself.

Spencer wasn't good at asking for help either so they didn't trust that he would get them if needed and he sure as hell wouldn’t trust a stranger like this.

Rossi got out of the car, Hotch wasn't leaving the vicinity under any circumstances, and did his best to grab a few things. He grabbed some water and some snacks like jello, pudding, apple sauce, and goldfish first since Spencer hadn't eaten or drank anything.

Spencer liked plain foods and drinks since he was sensory sensitive, Rossi always made sure if he cooked for the team it was something Reid could eat.

He found a soft-looking teddy bear that was on the bigger side, a teether, and a plush rattle of a dog. He was at a loss for what toys to get because that was more of a kid-to-kid interest thing, some kids like books, some like trucks, some like blocks.

He couldn't grab anything that would be too messy on the plane, legos would be a nightmare. He saw some keys that made rattle noises and other noises when clicked on, and he grabbed the book 'Narnia' which was probably too old for his age range but it seemed like a good idea.

He got in the car and set the bags on the floorboard before grabbing the bottle and filling it up with water and passing it back, "Do you think we should wait to get on the plane before giving him food?"

Morgan nodded, "Yeah, it'll probably be messy so we might as well wait since we're close," Derek was breathing a little harder than normal as he shifted Spencer from straddling his lap with his hands clutched into Derek's shirt to instead having his side pressed against Derek's chest, his butt inbetween Derek's legs and being held up and cradled by Derek's arms. Spencer was making a small continuous humming sound.

"Is he humming? He usually only stims when he's trying to think or stressed," JJ's eyebrows furrowing, worried he’s self-soothing because he's still afraid.

"He probably tries to avoid doing it when at work, he's just less aware and less nervous right now so he can soothe without worrying," Hotch assumed calming JJ down.

He whined when his pacifier was removed but was comforted by JJ's hand being run through his hair and the quick replacement of a bottle. Derek was holding it which he was thankful for as he didn't want to let go of the shirt he was gripping.

They were quiet for most of the car ride, which to be fair wasn't very long, but was quieter than usual. He felt similar to the way he did when close to falling asleep, completely unaware of your surroundings except for when you come back around due to a noise different than the ones you had tuned out.

Spencer somewhat registered the slight halt in movement but not enough to even attempt to find out what the cause was. He heard some louder noises and a lot of shuffling but the arms around him didn’t disappear.

"Hotch can you grab him, my legs are numb and to pick him up I'd have to set him down while I get out,” gesturing to the roof of the van they’d hit their heads on, “and I don't think he'd like that." Morgan says as Hotch had opened up his door to get out.

Hotch stepped out and opened the back door, reaching in to carefully grab Reid out of Derek's lap so he doesn't hit his head on the roof, "Hey baby, come see Hotch," he smiled.

Hotch didn't get too spend much time with littles since he was busy with an actual child and most of society was neutral so he had few caregiver and little friends. Spencer latched onto him as he was switched off and picked up while Derek stretched his legs.

"Grab his things on your way," Hotch ordered before carrying Spencer to the plane. Spencer was becoming a little more aware, not as overwhelmed now that he realized he was safe.

The rest of the team had packed their luggage onto the jet before they got Spencer out. Hotch laid Spencer on the couch he often slept on after cases and grabbed a cozy blanket to put over him before giving him back the pacifier.

This effort proved unnecessary as once they were all on the plane, which had taken off after Hotch had buckled him in for the turbulence before unbuckling, he was up.

The jet created a comforting rumble and the sound of the jet was like those ambiance sounds of rain pitter-pattering. All the positive sensory stimulation and the calm space grounded him and he remembered how desperately he was hoping to see them not too long before. He knew they would come and they did.

He stared at them all for a second just soaking in their faces and the fact that they were all with him right now and no one had seemed angry at him.

Some people smiled at him trying to make him feel safe to express himself while others didn't attempting to mind their own business and only chance a glimpse when he wasn't focused on them so he wouldn't feel anxious from the attention.

He slipped off the couch and crawled over to JJ who was sitting across from Emily and Rossi, right across from the couch. JJ looked over and her heart melted, Spencer was smiling behind the pacifier he had in and was reaching up to JJ.

She helped him get into the seat next to her as best as she could and held him tightly when he faced her and hugged her, burrowing his head into her chest with her chin on his head. His hair tickled her nose when she pressed into him.

She was warm and loving, JJ was truly one of his bestfriends, she was always there when he needed her and he had always seen her protectiveness, especially that came after becoming a mother as comforting to his little side. He let out a deep sigh and squeezed her tighter. He felt like tearing up, he knew they would rescue him but the reassurance was nice.

His mom had loved him and he had loved her deeply but sometimes it hurt growing up often ignored in the wake of whatever delusion his mother was suffering, or having to deal with her violent outbursts as a child when his father left. However his mother would always protect him and wasn't afraid of giving affection and praise as she read to him in the bed she sunk deeper into day by day.

He let go and just looked at her and was surprised when she gave him a kiss on the head. He started tearing up, it was so nice to be so loved.

It wasn't that he had doubts that they loved them but he had grown up as a bother. He talked to much on topics no one wanted to hear, when he was younger he was seen as too affectionate which had caused him to build walls so sometimes he questioned if they liked him, not if they loved him. He tried really hard to be the smartest, to give them a reason to put up with him.

"Hey, why are you crying Spence?," JJ urged cupping his face in her hands and wiping away a tear. JJ always called him Spence.

Spencer had a really hard time talking when little but he was able to make out a few words.
"Love you," he declared giving a tight but quick hug.

JJ felt like she might just start crying. Spencer was so sweet he could give you a cavity. Caregivers would literally fight for such a sweet boy like him. Not to mention babysitters both caregiver and neutral would be happy to watch him.
He's had such a hard life and it just wasn't fair. She felt anger building inside her.

"I love you too Spence," JJ gushed playing with his hair.

He got down and scooted over to Emily and silently looked to be picked up again, she crowded into Rossi since there was no room left before helping him up.

She ruffled his hair as he hugged her tightly, no words really needed to be exchanged. Emily had felt out of place for a while, like she didn't belong here since she had replaced another member, but slowly she became part of the team. Her and Spencer could talk about interests of his that others might not understand and they often liked to poke fun at each other much like siblings do.

She hated when people messed with the people she loved more than anything. Much like everyone on the team Spencer was especially off limits, he was the youngest and they had all grown protective of him overtime. Looking back it's kind of surprising that no one profiled the possibility of him being a little.

When he looked up Emily scooted back over so he could get inbetween her and see Rossi. Although Rossi could in no way lift him at his old age, the kid was lanky enough to sit on his knee area, and he let him so that Emily didn't have to sit with half her ass hanging off the seat.

"Hey there boy wonder," Rossi chuckled as Reid hugged him shortly. Once he let go, Rossi grabbed the bag of stuff, "We got you some snacks, Hotch and Morgan will help."

Although the snacks weren’t up to his standard and if able he would provide a much better meal Rossi just wanted to get some food in the kids stomach, that was the way he showed love. He wasn't very physically affectionate.

It was a bit of a struggle getting him out of the booth but he made his way back to the couch giving Hotch and Derek hugs even though they were holding him earlier, and Emily passed the bag over to them.

Derek lifted him up onto the couch and then reached around the bag, "Pretty boy, you want jello, pudding, or apple sauce?"

Spencer mumbled but it was more of a babble with the pacifier but it was very clear with the excitement his eyes had staring at the jello what his option was.

Morgan handed it to Hotch to open and was thankful that Rossi thought to grab plastic silverware.

Spencer seemed to absolutely hate the idea of not being held, clearly very clingy and physically affectionate when little so Morgan held him with his back to his chest, taking out his pacifier, as Hotch handed him the jello.

Hotch was quick to take it back and feed him instead as he watched Spencer hold the spoon with his fist and shakily bring it to his mouth, having to redirect multiple times as he hit the corners of his lips more than his mouth before he got it.

They kept thinking the situation couldn't get worse and then they were repetitively proved wrong.

He ate two packs and then refused anymore, whining for the pacifier, getting sleepy as the plane rumbled and rocked him, some of his teammates made small conversation.

Hotch grabbed him the teddy bear which resulted in a hug and a babble through the plastic that might've been an attempted thanks. If you watched closely you could see Spencer rubbing the fur through his fingers to stim.

Spencer turned back to Derek, handed him the cozy blanket Hotch had put on him earlier, "You wanna cuddle?," Derek asked trying to make sure Spencer didn't need something else.

Spencer nodded and basically threw himself on top of Derek who let out an 'oomphf' as Spencer knocked him down and laid his head onto his chest.

Spencer wrapped his arms around his waist with his teddybear between his chest and Derek's stomach, and lifted one leg up and put it between Derek's with his other leg left stretched out. Derek put one arm on his back to keep him stable and the other in his hair.

He threw the blanket back to Hotch to drape over him and Spencer.

He heard Spencer let out a comfortable sigh. He noted that while Spencer didn't talk he made a lot of sounds and vocal stims.

Emily let out a loud laugh as she watched Derek get the air knocked out of his lungs, "Derek make a good pillow, kid?"
Spencer nodded half-asleep grinning, "mhmm."

They all laughed at that and at Morgan, being pinned down to the couch, who rolled his eyes but continued to run his hand through Spencer's hair.

Once he was asleep they began to bring up the very needed conversation.

No one was sure what to say first since they were all on the same page, what was there even to say, and how could they even fix this.

"Do you think he isn't regressing because he's too little to regress without a caregiver but also too embarrassed to ask for one or do you think maybe something bad happened," Emily puzzled.

"Probably both, it's definitely not because he can't get someone to watch him. Even if he doesn't trust a babysitter which he would have the money for, someone would absolutely be overjoyed to take care of him. He might not be as playful but he's literally the sweetest. I would literally babysit him even though I'm neutral." JJ deadpanned.

"Well it might be because he wants someone he can trust but he's too nervous to ask anyone he's close too, you know he has a hard time with that and he clearly wouldn't be able to protect himself like this," Rossi proposed.

"Maybe now that we know he'll be more willing to ask for help," Derek hoped.

They all knew this could go the total opposite way in which he avoids any possible discussion about regression and if that's the case it's not like they could force him.

They all knew in their heads that Derek was hoping Spence would let him eventually be his caregiver or at least babysit him sometime.

They've had discussions before on what they want for the future. Rossi, Emily, and Garcia were just living not really worried about relationships or anything serious at the moment, JJ and Will were busy with balancing work with a baby, although she often had the help of her team, Spencer had come over multiple times to help out with his godson.

Hotch was too busy for a relationship or a little, being a single-dad and Morgan was planning to see about babysitting, finding a little, or going on dates as he realized his life was becoming too centered around work and all his co-workers were leaving behind in terms of personal life. He was pushing it off though as he knew that it would be hard to have either of these things with his job.

"So Gideon knew about this? Spencer must've been pushing his regression away back then too if he got the age test waved." JJ interjected into the conversation.

"I wonder how long this has been going on," Emily was clearly frustrated by her lack of ability to fix this situation.

Spencer mumbled and kicked his leg a little before settling which made them all laugh a little.

They had about 4 more hours and it would be close to nighttime when they arrived.

Spencer was exhausted, so much had happened in the last day and his brain had been through a lot of emotions and therefor chemical changes. He slept deeper than usual, subconsciously taking in the whispers of his team, feeling warm and stimulated from the hand lightly rubbing up and down his back.

He can count the times he felt this safe on one hand.

Even though he was a mama's boy he often was taking care of her instead of the other way around. This was a rare feeling for him even in his childhood.

He usually didn't feel safe, and even if he did he had so many thoughts crossing his mind and so much anxiety of something going wrong at any moment that it was more of a logical awareness than a sense of relief. Even as a kid he was always concerned that his mom and dad were close to fighting or snapping leaving him permanently cautious.

He nuzzled his face into Derek's chest as he appreciated the comfort and fortress around him.

Derek wakes Spencer up after about an hour and a half not wanting him to oversleep and ruin his sleep schedule.

"Hey pretty boy," he shook him lightly, "time to wake up."

Spencer grumbled and turned his head trying to get away from Derek's hands. He just wanted more sleep and Morgan was waking him up.

JJ continued doing her paperwork as she huffed a slight laugh and joked, "I get it Spencer."

Spencer slowly turned to look at Derek with his unrelenting cooing.

"You mad at me?" Derek laughs at Spencer's sleepy face, sitting them up, "Sorry grumpy, you got to wake up so you can sleep later."

Spencer was sat in between Derek's legs with his back to his chest as he rubbed his eyes with his fist and yawned widely before blinking away the sleep.

Spencer's binky had fallen out in his sleep so he fixed it by shoving his thumb in his mouth before promptly closing his eyes again and leaning against Derek.

"Okay buddy, let's get some more food in you," Derek snorted pulling Spencer's dirty finger away.

Spencer whined. "I'm not used to the lack of rambling about how dirty hands are," Rossi pointed out.

JJ sat down next to Reid hugging him as Derek got up, "Derek's being mean taking your gross fingers," agreeing with him. Spencer nodded into her chest fixing to put his fingers back in his mouth making a few of them chuckle.

Derek knew he had the one-up however, "Guess who's got jello!"

They all watched curiously almost like he was a zoo animal. This was such a different side to Spencer they had never seen and was quite shocking, but they were all doing their best to adjust accordingly. They would have been honored under other circumstances if he had trusted them to see him like this willingly.

Spencer turned his head slowly peaking at Derek and leaning against JJ, not aware of his body weight being heavy on her, and opened his mouth waiting to be fed.

"You got to let me open it first pretty boy," Derek laughed out at Spencer's eagerness.

The team laughed as well unused to seeing Spencer so freely show his emotions or wants. They could profile him in some aspects easily however reading him was much more difficult in other areas than normal.

He used his intelligence as a shield from his insecurity as it's the only thing that makes him feel wanted.

He's overprotective of others due to being his mother's caretaker and finds more comfort and safety around women as he rarely trust men. Yet he also seeks male praise in place of his father, and struggles to stand up for himself.

Derek fed him, JJ had pushed him to lean against the couch but wrapped her arm around him and held her hand on his stomach. After he had finished his pacifier quickly went back into his mouth to keep his fingers out.

Hotch looked into the bag to see what else Rossi had gotten, pulling out the keys and rattle for Spence. He fiddled with them both, he liked the keys but he chose the rattle, it was soft.

Spencer smiled widely as he shook it in multiple directions making a bit of eye contact with everyone person one after the other to show it off, almost hitting JJ in the face multiple times.

Rossi was just relived he actually got something Spencer seemed to really like.

"You like the dog?," Emily smirked rhetorically glancing at JJ and attempting not to laugh.

Spencer nodded in approval and continued to shake it until he got a bit bored. He looked at Derek hoping for attention or something else to focus on.

"You want me to read a book to you?," Derek asked pulling out the copy of Narnia.

Spencer had actually never read it, when he was younger he was reading books much too mature for his age and hadn't read many 'kid books' nor had he seen many 'kid movies'.

He leaned back against Derek as a response and listened to him read. He was a slow reader but Spencer still felt soothed by his voice cause it meant he was safe, so it was no surprise that he fell back asleep after an hour or so.

That's why he was terrified when he woke up alone, without the heat of another body radiating against him. He looked around trying to think what was going on but his head was just to cloudy and he felt tears well up at his eyes and his bottom lip was jutting slightly against his will.

He didn't like being alone, it reminded him of laying his room with his door closed in an attempt to block out parents arguing. The fear of not knowing what was happening and wanting them to stop. He spent most of his childhood isolated, from his parents and from the other kids because he didn't fit in.

The team was loading their bags into the vans, leaving him to sleep through the boring task. Emily was helping JJ stack her bag in the crowded trunk. Morgan began to walk back to the jet but then began running instead causing everyone to follow.

Spencer was huddled in the corner of the couch with the blanket wrapped around him sniffling harshly although attempting to be quiet. His hand was gripping his baby blanket as his nose ran.

Derek sat down next to him and held him which made his sobs get uglier but they were full of relief. He was gripping Derek's shirt who was repeating reassurances, "It's okay, I'm right here pretty boy," and rubbing up and down his back.

"What happened buddy?," Derek asked pulling his head back.

Spencer nuzzled his head into the crook of his shoulder and held on tighter.

"Did he have a nightmare," JJ considered it a possibility.
"I think he just doesn't like being alone," Rossi analyzed based off Spencer's reactions.

"The car's all packed, we just have to grab your toys and then we can go. I'm sorry we scared you," Derek soothed him and apologized.

Everyone was bone-dry exhausted from the case, the adrenaline of Spencer being kidnapped, the concern over his secret not too mention all the paperwork. Some of them had taken naps but it did little to appease the fatigue they were all fighting.

Hotch drove them back to headquarters keeping his attention carefully on the road as it was dark and Spencer was sat on Derek who's arms would do practically nothing in the case that he wrecked.

He watched as some of them began to occasionally fall asleep, jerking their heads up when they realized.

They were so thankful to see the Quantico building when it was in sight.

The idea of getting Spencer in and out didn't seem too difficult at first since Spencer didn't appear to be a tantrum throwing toddler but a clingy baby who had been calmed down.

Derek was gentle as he moved Spencer off his lap to get out of the van hoping to not wake him just yet.

The clinginess did prove to be an issue already yet they were all still surprised when Derek moving Spencer onto the seat next to him was met with a blood-curdling scream that had to have hurt his throat while he dug his nails into Derek's shoulder desperately.

They all turned their heads to look at a speed that could cause a neck-injury, having assumed that Derek must have accidentally dropped him on the concrete. Everyone's eyes stuck to Spencer panicking while Derek hurriedly got out of the van.

He too closely resembled some of the traumatized kids and littles who had been abused or neglected that it felt like a crime just to witness.

Derek hoisted Spencer back out of the car to his chest, "Shhh, it's okay pretty boy. I'm right here, I won't let go."

Spencer held onto him, trusting that he would keep him safe. He was bouncing him lightly and holding onto him while Spencer cried desperately into his neck, pacifier having fallen onto the ground.

Emily searched the bag for another one, handing it to Morgan when she found it and grabbing the one that fell to be sanitized later.

Clearly the issue was not just that Spencer had been scared after being left alone and therefor clingy like the earlier sniffling had suggested. He clearly had some severe abandonment issues and couldn't be left alone. It's no wonder he doesn't regress if he didn't have someone to watch him.

Hotch was analyzing him, although they all agreed to not profile each other it was kind of impossible. Hotch had analyzed everyone subconsciously, it was part of his job.

JJ got uncomfortable and thrown off on cases that mentioned suicide due to her sister.

Emily put up a front and protected others to displace getting comforted as it made her uncomfortable since her family wasn't affectionate.

Rossi had a hard time connecting but made an effort, although he found it easier with Emily likely because they were the newest ones.

Morgan was protective of kids especially in child predator cases and got aggressive when men were attempting to use authority over him.

The rest of the team noticed Hotch's protectiveness of both the team and kids when dealing with abuse cases.

Hotch called quickly and doublechecked with Garcia that everyone had left already (besides her of course) because they knew Spencer wouldn't handle the whole F.B.I having seen him like this well. Nor would Reid.

The team had taken a moment so Spencer could be soothed. His face remained pink afterwards clearly embarrassed and avoiding eye contact more than usual.

They still had to do a few reports and grab their items, Emily doing Spencer's which was fair since he often helped the team with their reports.

Garcia's office was comfy and very kid friendly so that was where the team first headed, all wanting to greet Garcia after the long case.

"Oh my God!," Garcia squealed while still keeping her voice low as Derek walked in holding Spencer, sitting down on the large bean bag in the corner of the room.

Spencer's hair was ruffled and his face was pink. He had a pacifier with a teddybear design in his mouth and he looked like he was just waking up, eyes blinking more frequently.

Spencer blushed at Garcia, who had sat down next to them, pinching his cheeks and cooing how cute he was. He leaned over and wrapped her in a hug, putting a lot of his weight into it as he wasn't aware how heavy he was. He remembered being scared he would see her again. Garcia just squished him and overwhelmed him with affection.

Garcia was warm and comfortable to lay with and she smelled like sweet girly perfume. He ignored the chatter of his team and enjoyed the affection he was receiving.

"You're taking him home with you, right?" Garcia asked but by tone of voice you could tell she would scold Derek if he hesitated at all.

"Of course," he countered. Spencer pulled away, beginning to feel unsure about the physical affection as he processed both how sudden it all was.

It wasn't long until he fell asleep as he laid into the bean bag with Derek and Garcia's warmth radiating from both sides onto him.

JJ had laid a blanket over him and Rossi went searching through the basement to find a pacifier clip to avoid dropping it since they only had the two pacifiers, one of which Emily had just washed.

Spencer's breathing was very childlike, his nose slightly stuffy but mouth using the pacifier caused a wheezing sound as he exhaled in his sleep.

"Well, I don't think naps will be a problem," Hotch teased lightheartedly which got a few of them to chuckle. He clipped the pacifier clip onto his top and onto the pacifier.

They all rushed their paperwork, answering a few questions asked by Garcia, and avoiding their eyes slipping closed for longer than a second as they blinked.

While Morgan was finishing his Garcia and Hotch loaded their stuff into Morgan's car to make it easier for them to leave.

They walked lightly to avoid waking Spencer. Occasionally even in his sleep Reid's face would be crunched up like he was working out some problem. Right now he looked so peaceful, curled up in a way that would make his bones ache later.

Derek shook him and got a grunt in return before shoving his face into the bean bag, Derek let out a small laugh. This seemed to be reoccurring.
"Come on pretty boy, it's time to go."

He sat up and put his head down blushing as he felt everyone's eyes on him making him nervous. Emily caught on and redirected, "Goodbye Spencer! I'll see you soon."

Everyone soon joined in and gave small gestures of affection before leaving except for Hotch who was staying late to organize the paperwork and lock up for them.

Spencer stood up and walked slowly, watching his feet while Morgan held onto his waist. He was wobbly and was hoping the car wouldn't be much farther. Derek was also hoping it wouldn't take much longer as he was basically carrying all Spencer's weight anyway.

Derek got him situated buckling him in the passenger seat afraid putting him in the back alone might work him up again.

Spencer having just slept stayed awake for the better half of the drive only occasionally dozing off when the gravel under the tires got too smooth as Morgan breathed calmly next to him.

Chapter Text

Derek was exhausted by time they walked in the door. He was really glad he worked out because while Spencer was skinny carrying him everywhere as he pleadingly requested, which Derek could not deny, was a bit strenuous.

Morgan had grabbed some fastfood cause there was no way in hell he was cooking tonight and he left all their work stuff in the car because there was no point bringing it in, only grabbing the blanket out of Reid's bag.

He settled Spencer on the couch as he grabbed drinks and napkins. He knew he would have to help feed Spencer as he wasn't letting the kid get tomato sauce from pizza all over his couch.

He took out a plate and cut the pizza up into squares so Spencer could grab the finger food easier making it plausible to eat without much help.

His dog jumped on the couch next to Spencer previously having greeted them at the door.

He watched carefully makings sure Spencer wasn't uncomfortable as Clooney sniffed him but continued what he was doing when Clooney let out a grunt and laid down next to Reid who hesitantly patted his head.

He turned the tv on and got the food ready to eat after sitting down. He didn't know what cartoons Spencer liked, and Spencer probably didn't either. Hell, he probably hadn't watched a cartoon since he was two.

"Wanna watch cartoons! What should we watch?," Derek gestured enthusiastically as he looked through the options planning on choosing something he had seen before so he knew it was decent.

He heard a whine suddenly and looked at Spencer, "You see something?" He heard a small hum and took it as a yes, guessing he had passed it by the whine.

The only movie he recognized was Robin Hood so he went to it on the screen waiting for Spencer to signal if that's what he wanted to watch. It would make sense since it was out when he was a kid.

He took Spencer's silence and movement as he reclined back into him as an agreement.

Spencer ate the pizza on his own as Derek ate his, the tv was basically background noise as he processed the day from beginning to end. It was honestly impossible to process. None of it could be real.

After eating he wiped Spencer's hands and face gently with the napkin before relaxing into the familiar cushions.

They fell asleep on the couch having finally both closed their eyes not one sheep could be counted before they drifted into blissful unconsciousness.

Derek woke up in the middle of the night with his bones aching so he picked Spencer up and moved them to his bed on auto-pilot, barely aware of what he was doing, as opposed to tucking Spencer into the guestroom’s bed.

Morgan blinked his eyes open, stretching a little and rolling over wanting to give Reid his space. He knew Reid would be embarrassed when he woke up and he could guess cuddling wouldn't help that.

Morgan was flummoxed when Reid huffed air out his nose and turned over wrapping his arm around Morgan and laying his head on his chest.

"Reid?," Morgan questioned confused. Maybe he was still just dazed from sleep.

He was met with silence and puppy eyes blinking up at him sassy with betrayal from having been woken.
Morgan just stared and held him closer which seemed to please Spencer, melting into him happily after being shaken awake.

Morgan grabbed his phone by the nightstand and dialed Hotch. He knew he'd be up since he had to get in a earlier than the rest of the team.

"Hello?"
"Hotch, we can't come in today," Morgan spoke quietly.
"What do you mean? Is everything okay, he should know there's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"No, that's not the problem. He's still little."

They sat in heavy silence for a few seconds. Honestly it shouldn't be shocking, the only reason they were surprised is because they were hoping they were wrong. They were in denial. They all saw the very clear signs that he wasn't taking care of himself, how could he when he was this small.

"Okay, keep me updated." Hotch instructed attempting to keep his head straight.
Morgan agreed and hung up.

Derek ran his hand up and down Spencer's back, deciding to let him get another hour of sleep since he seemed to need it and he had been through a lot of stress physically and emotionally.

He watched as Spencer breathed in deeply through his mouth, his pacifier half hanging out causing drool to pull on Derek's shirt. He was just glad Spencer was here so he knew he was safe, he didn't care that he drooled.

After some time had passed in which he scrolled on his phone he removed himself from under Spencer to begin breakfast, making sure he hadn't been jostled awake before making his way to the kitchen. Spencer had gotten cozied right back up in the dent Derek had left.

He got himself fixed up in the bathroom and changed into different lazy houseware.

He went into the kitchen and grabbed pancake mix. If anyone deserved pancakes for breakfast it was Spencer.

Derek thought about what he needed and what they could do today. He didn’t have anything fun around and he was unsure of what Spencer liked.

He had almost finished the pancakes when he heard a whine from his room, he scooped the finished pancake off the pan before moving it off the heat to check on Spencer.

Spencer was curled up into the pillows with his eyes peering half-open sleepily. He sat up and reached out to use Derek as balance making small steps to the bathroom.

Both of them would need to shower but Derek wasn’t sure how Spencer would react if he needed help so he decided it could be put off till night time.

While Spencer was in the bathroom Derek grabbed some fresher pajamas for him as well just so he could feel a bit cleaner until they could both take showers.

When Spencer was done he walked back out to Derek and leaned against him heavily tired of walking.

“Someone is clearly spoiled,” Derek chuckled light-heartedly as he picked Spencer up and placed him in a chair at the table before going to finish the pancakes and serve them.

Derek had taken Reid’s blanket and pacifier and placed them in clear view on the counter out of the way of the syrup.

He cut Spencer’s into small squares and scooted his chair next to him so he could offer help.

Reid made an attempt leaving Morgan to take over holding the fork instead as he misdirected it multiple times every bite. Derek then had to clean up his mess afterwards wiping his face down with a wet rag which Spencer hummed annoyed at.

Derek began to wash the dishes with a quicker pace than typical. He didn’t think Spencer would get into anything but it was standard to watch a little at all times for obvious reasons.

He dried his hands off and turned around quickly only to see Spencer staring back at him with his thumb in his mouth still sat where Derek had placed him on the chair.

“Hey pretty boy, want to do something,” Derek provided guidance since it seemed Reid was either too unsure or too afraid to act without permission.

Derek walked him to the living room despite Spencer’s silence and provided him his 'binky' and blanket. The stuff Rossi had gotten was still left in the van as he assumed it wouldn’t be needed.

He hoped that would be enough for today but he kept note of it in his mind as he planned out everything else that needed to be done.

“Hey buddy, I have to go get some stuff out of the van. Can you stay here for me?” Derek encouraged.

Spencer stayed silent but his breath hitched very lightly and his eyes look a bit more wet than they did a second ago, a very impressive attempt to hold back tears to not upset Derek.

Derek realized it easily, it was his job after all. It would be much easier to just run out to his car and grab the bag but it wasn’t worth Spencer’s pain.

He grabbed Spencer’s hand and pulled him walking slowly since he was struggling with his balance and keeping a constant pace.

Morgan lived in a nice home, similar to those you see in typical american dream movies which was a contrast to Reid’s apartment.

Although they made the same amount of money Reid preferred his small cozy in-town apartment, it was perfect since he wasn’t home much anyhow and there were restaurants close by.

While Morgan’s home was quieter which he would admit was nice it wasn’t as warm and the neighbors in this nicer area were much noisier and snide than the people who lived only a few feet from him.

Spencer wasn’t too aware of this at the moment as he was cheerful that Derek had brought him with while Derek was hoping his neighbors were all inside minding their own business.

Derek grabbed their items without a meltdown luckily and Spencer sat down criss-cross on the soft carpet leaning into the couch as Derek unpacked the duffel.

He poured the water from the cup which he had been tilting for Spencer when he needed a drink into the bottle and laid out all the item’s Rossi had gotten.

“What do you want to do?” Derek gestured as he sat down on the floor next to Spencer making them eye-level.

Derek was beginning to pick up on Spencer’s lack of responses.

Not only did Spencer not feel like making the effort to talk but he couldn’t find an answer. He didn’t know what he wanted to do or what was really an option. He didn’t know how to play correctly.

Some of his awareness and anxiety had come back no longer involuntarily stuck in an adrenaline heavy state of panic. The lack of stress rattling him brought him out of his regression slightly as he felt judged.

He looked around and while he wanted the rattle he knew that wouldn’t be much fun for Derek and he already felt anxiety building as he pictured Derek watching him play alone.

It was hard to describe how he was feelings as he was lacking the words but he knew he already felt nervous and like he was doing something bad. So playing by himself while another person watches as he acts like a baby made his stomach bubble.

He tapped on the book which they had already started and sat up on his knees as Derek smiled before moving to the couch and grabbing Spencer under his arms to lift him to his side.

Derek began working on finding the page they left off on as Spencer rubbed his thumb in a sweeping motion over his blanket. It was a dark brown and a soft fuzzy texture but short, not fuzzy like those blankets where the fuzz sticks to your hand and pulls out easy.

It had some wear on it, it had a few small holes and fraying around the edges. It was just big enough to cover his chest.

Spencer could feel the heat radiating off of Derek as their sides pressed into one another. Spencer was glad Derek didn’t have a leather couch that your skin sticks too and gets tacky.

His couch was soft and dark green, thankfully not white and easy to stain. Clooney traveled around the junk on the floor before jumping up and laying down next to Spencer, curling up facing away from him.

When Derek began talking he refocused his attention on the story. Luckily Derek started it at the correct part which made it easier to keep his mind from wandering.

Derek made frequent unnoticeable glances to make sure Spencer was still listening and doing alright as he doubts Spencer would tell him if he wanted to do something else. He wasn't aware that the book wasn't Spencer's first choice.

After a few chapters Spencer began to unconsciously cave further into him, his head resting on his shoulder with Derek’s arm around him to grab the other end of the book.

Derek could hear Spencer drifting to sleep as the rhythmic mouth noises from his soother began to taper off. He wondered if Spencer was fully regressed, sometimes it seemed so due to how young he was acting between his wobbliness and preference to be carried and him going non-verbal. However he was still so hesitant and self-aware at times in a way littles aren’t though that could be insecurity.

He closed the book as Spencer fell asleep on his shoulder letting out deeper breathes than before. Derek began gently reaching for the remote and turning the volume down before putting on a show as to not rouse Spencer.

His focus was also deteriorating as he considered all the possibilities that resulted in this situation. If it was due to his mom’s schizophrenia, bullying, a caregiver, Gideon, or just something he became insecure about due to already underlying struggles.

He would have been in college for a few years before he was classified which could also have an effect.

He knows Spencer was smart even as a kid and was always in advanced classes which makes him wonder how much of a childhood he got. Did he ever read kid books or get stuffed animals or was his intelligence used as a way to skip over the struggles that come with immaturity of childhood.

It was about one pm now so he decided to let Spencer have a thirty minute nap to rest while he finished an episode of tv.

Near the end of the episode Derek saw Clooney’s ears perk up slightly as got down carefully and walked to the door. A few seconds later Derek heard a light knocking which was eerie considering they usually echoed through his house.

He pushed Spencer with one hand keeping him propped in the same position so he could scoot out from underneath his limp weight before slowly laying him down onto the couch comfortably.

He made sure his feet did not pitter-patter despite his refusal to tip-toe as he reached his door and sent Clooney back to the living room with his finger.

He cracked the door open to see his neighbor standing there, he didn’t need to see her to know who it was as she smelled of that scent most older people all seemed to collectively have.

She lived two houses down in a gray home with a flower bed with multiple chairs out front for the friends she would have over. Anytime he saw her outside he made a quick re-direction away from her vicinity to avoid being approached and gossiped too.

She was sweet in a way yet utterly rude and he found passive-aggressiveness much worse than just being up-front disrespectful.

She made a move to peak in through his doorway which he was just barely stepping outside of, “Do you need something?”

She looked back to him, “Well I was just talking to Kathy and she said she could have sworn she saw you with a little not too long ago grabbing a bag out of your car.”

Morgan waited for the woman to continue but she didn’t, “uh-huh.”

“I didn’t know you were a caregiver or that you had a little so I was just curious to see what the fuss was about,” She said overly-cheerful.

Morgan just stood there in disbelief of how the older people in his neighborhood acted but he knew she wasn’t going to go away without him answering her implied questions.

“Yes ma’am, I’m a caregiver but he’s just my friend who I’m watching,” he deadpanned bluntly.

“Well I was going to offer to watch him for a bit if you needed anything.” You wouldn’t be able to pick up on it without knowing her first but it was her way of doubting his ability to take care of a little. Silly considering she wasn't a caregiver.

“No thanks, he's shy,” he deflected impatiently desperate to hurry up and close the door as Clooney walked up next to him which was likely a sign Spencer was waking up.

“Well bless his heart. Just let me know darling,” He nodded at her before quickly closing the door and walking away annoyed.

Spencer was peering over the couch, just his eyes and hair visible as he tried to see or hear what was happening.

Spencer was worried as he saw Derek’s raised eyebrows and unsmiling face until Derek began ruffled his hair before sitting next to him, in-fact smiling. Which made him curious who had upset him before this or if he was maybe inconveniencing Derek who had plans for today.

Spencer wasn’t considering they would’ve been working the whole day anyhow had Derek not been taking care of him.

“Was your nap good?” Derek asked rubbing his hand up and down Spencer’s back as Spencer nodded in reply.

Morgan needed to think about what they would have for lunch and dinner, there wasn’t much in the fridge or pantry since he was gone for long periods of time. He could get fast food of some sort but it needed to be something Spencer both liked and could reasonably eat without a large mess.

Morgan had a few chores he needed to do as well but he wasn’t sure how Spencer would react to being left alone and being tracked through the house wouldn’t be any better.

He squeezed Spencer to his side while standing before turning on Winnie the Pooh, “I’ll be back in a second, I just need to answer a phone call.”

Morgan walked into the kitchen and took out his phone calling Garcia, “Babygirl co-.”

Garcia would be the least busy if they hadn’t found a case yet and she was least intimidating with her sunshine personality and optimism.

He was immediately cut off by her asking how Spencer was doing, “Is he doing better Morgan, Hotch said you didn’t tell him much,” she rambled on, “he told us not to ask you which has been killing me.”

“He’s doing better mama, I was wondering if you’re having a slow day or not. If you’re able to take a lunch break I don’t really have anything to feed him here and I’m trying to keep today lazy which means no car trips.”

Sure he could get food delivered but honestly if he could coax Spencer into it maybe Garcia could stay long enough for him to shower and straighten up a bit.

“You’re just in luck, all I have is paperwork today, JJ’s going through files to choose the next case. What am I picking up sugar,” Morgan could hear her keys which were adorned with cutesy keychains jingle in the background as she grabbed them.

Morgan gave her the order as well as a list of snacks and simple foods for later before thanking her relentlessly and telling her to get what she wanted, his treat, before hanging up and returning his attention to Spencer.

He considered the best way to gently ask Spencer if Garcia could come in for a few minutes without making him feel like a burden or uncomfortable.

“Hey pretty boy, Garcia is going to bring us over some food. I was wondering if she could come in for a bit and join us? She could hang out with you while I clean up a bit so you won’t be lonely,” Derek offered.

Spencer thought it over, it didn’t seem like a bad compromise but he wanted to spend time with Derek. He trusted him, Reid trusted Garcia but this was different and vulnerable.

Spencer nodded his head slightly to Derek expressing his hesitance but agreeing.

Derek readjusted them on the couch so Spencer was sat with his back to Derek’s chest being held with his arms crossed to his chest, one hand gripping his blanket.

He thought about what could cheer Spencer up, “After dinner we can make brownies,” he remembered he had some box mix in his pantry.

Spencer smiled behind his pacifier and relaxed into Derek, if Derek trusted Garcia then everything would be fine. He felt a small sense of pride for doing what Derek wanted.

They continued to watch tv as Derek held Spencer, arms wrapped around him trapping his own arms to his chest supplying a pleasant sensory input.

The embrace tight and comforting, the cartoon's light noises, the soothing motion of the pacifier in his mouth, and the feeling of Derek’s breathing were all perfect. He didn’t think anything could feel better.

It was so unusual for him to feel that nobody was expecting something out of him. His mom relied on his emotional stability and the team relied on his brain for finding connection on cases. Right now all he had to do was exist.

When he was home especially after a long case or when he was fighting off his regression he would lay on the bed and let himself dissociate from the reality, ignoring all the responsibilities he had for hours listening to his own breathing and the dulled down noises from neighboring rooms and cars that drove past.

Derek took this time to relax as well, enjoying the company of another person and feeling Spencer’s heat on his body. His hair tickling him slightly.

Morgan adored Reid and had always felt specifically protective of him more so than others on the team, he was the youngest and could be quite naive despite his intelligence.

He enjoyed Reid’s quirky rambling, large smile, and confused looks at jokes, it would be nearly impossible to do his job without him. Without his brain of course it would be hard but without his sweet, although unaffectionate, personality the melancholy would drowned them.

Reid often refused affection due to the overstimulation he felt which was worsened to due the intense cases and his repression as well as a fear that the affection would soften him and make him spill his guts and heart as opposed to his mind.

Sometimes he felt confused by him, he considered Reid to be one of his best friends but he often questioned if Reid felt the same way. Reid wasn’t very sharing with his personal life and most of what the team knew had been forced which made him wonder if it was intentional.

It was nice to take care of someone without it being work-based and the quality time with Spencer made him feel closer.

Not much longer a knock on the door broke the peaceful silence. Much less eerie than before. Morgan got up to open the door as Spencer remained on the couch pretending to watch the tv.

Garcia walked in with the food smiling and making small talk with Morgan before setting the bags on the table in the kitchen. She grabbed a bag pulling out a bottle and a sippy cup out.

“I got some details of what happened, the bottle and sippycup in the emergency kit are both so plain so I picked these two up. I don’t know which he preferred even if I have a guess,” She held them both up, “see this one has unicorns,” she gestured to the sippy cup before shaking the bottle, “and this one has little teddy bears on it so it matches his pacifier!”

“You can fill the bottle up with water, his other one is out anyhow,” Derek chuckles at her enthusiasm but appreciated her care.

Spencer was trying to be patient although his anxiety was climbing as he waited for them to join him.

Derek prepped the pasta into a bowl for Spencer and got his own food ready as well as Garcia’s as she washed and filled Spencer’s new bottle.

Garcia walked into the living room as Morgan began to pick up bowls and plates letting him do the work. She saw Spencer facing towards the hallway waiting for them and smiled at him, “Hi sweetheart!”

She sat next to him on the couch and handed him the new bottle she got him. Spencer smiled at it taking it happily in both hands thankful, moving off his knees to sit correctly so he could face her without turning his neck.

Derek entered and placed the food down onto the coffee table in front of the couch, moving some of the other objects over to give them space. He ruffled Spencer’s hair before grabbing the other bottle off the table and moving it to the kitchen where he grabbed his and Garcia’s drinks.

Derek joined them and put Spencer’s blanket and pacifier on the table before pulling him close to make feeding him easier. He grabbed both his and Spencer’s bowls as Garcia did the same and put his on the couch next to him and Spencer’s on his lap.

Spencer leaned in turning his head slightly away from Garcia and watched the tv as Derek got a forkful ready holding it up to Spencer’s lips, Spencer took a bit and chewed slowly processing what he was eating before opening his mouth again hungry.

Derek complied and kept feeding him, taking a few bites for himself as Spencer chewed. Spencer continued to hold his bottle in both hands occasionally taking sips lazily.

He could hear Derek and Garcia muttering beside him but he didn’t intake any of what they were saying.

Once they were done Derek squeezed him, “Garcia’s going to watch you for a bit while I go shower and clean.”

Spencer blushed but tried to hide his nerves as Derek got up however Garcia quickly distracted him, moving closer and handing him his pacifier and blanket back.

Garcia cooed softly babying him without being overwhelming leaning into the armrest just incase Spencer decided to use her to bear his weight.

They watched television and Garcia ran her hand through his hair as Derek hopped into the shower.

He felt his body relax as the hot water hit him and finally got all the germs off his skin. He could feel all the stress building and falling at the same time. His eyes added slightly to the water on his face as he thought about everything Spencer had been through.

He felt the stress disappear as he breathed out into the steamy air reminding himself Spencer was safe now and in his living room. He rationalized that it wasn't his fault and focused on pushing away future worries for when the time approached.

He was just so damn little and there were so many issues to sort out and he knew the ride from here was going to be bumpy because he knew Reid. Reid didn’t ask for help or accept it, he could be quite stubborn until you broke that wall. This was only the start and while Spencer was doing seemingly well at the moment, he knew this new trauma mixed with whatever happened in the past made this a calm before the storm.

He finished quickly getting changed and adding his clothes to the dirty laundry. He washed the dishes they had just eaten off and put the new food Garcia had grabbed in his pantry.

When he went to check on Spencer and give Garcia her permission to leave he was warmed by the sight of him laying with his head on her lap, holding the stuffed animal to his chest as well as the blanket.

She was watching the tv with him while her hand moved rearranging his hair before making eyecontact with Morgan and patting Spencer’s back hinting for him to sit up as she was about to leave.

Spencer hadn’t notice him just yet as Morgan grabbed toys off the floor and placed them on the table. He sat up at Garcia’s movement and looked over to Derek before grinning.

Spencer considered putting his arms up but didn’t want to pressure Derek so he kept them by his side. Spencer’s eyes were pulled away from Derek as Garcia placed a small kiss on his hairline after standing up.

He hugged her goodbye and flushed at her gushy compliments before Derek walked her to the door and thanked her.

Derek was coming up blank on what else he could do to keep Spencer from being bored as it was still pretty early in the day. He wasn’t aware that Spencer was content with just being held and comforted.

Spencer was quick to make himself comfortable laying on Derek having missed him as ridiculous as it made him feel.

“Anything you want to do?” Derek wasn’t expecting a response honestly and Spencer was afraid of acting too little so even if he did want to respond in general he wouldn’t have an answer.

Derek grabbed the book again and continued where they left off hoping Spencer was still enjoying himself. Spencer appreciated the lazy day, too many of his days were action-packed and overwhelming.

Derek kept an eye on Spencer making sure he was still awake otherwise he would struggle tonight or wake up groggy in the morning. Spencer kept listening to Derek read the book as he leaned with his ear against Derek's chest also listening to his heartbeat.

Derek was making an attempt to make the story fun, although he wasn’t necessarily doing voices he was reading with emotion keeping Spencer’s focus on him.

They continued reading for a while before going back to watching tv while Spencer ignored the urge to pick up one of the other toys off the table such as the rattle.

He had given into his little side a bit more than he wanted to this morning in the haze of his sleep fogged brain.

Derek checked his phone for a bit to be productive as they laid around and Spencer got Derek’s help once walking to the bathroom and washing his hands. Derek refilled his bottle and handed it to him and taking the paci as it was replaced.

It began to get dark out and It was time to start getting dinner ready. Derek didn’t want to make anything to filling since they had a decent sized lunch and they were going to make brownies.

Derek went to the pantry and grabbed broccoli cheddar soup to put on the stove as a simple dinner. While he preferred to make his own meals this was a reasonable situation not to and he would take what he could get.

Spencer had followed him to the kitchen and sat on the floor with the noisemaking keychain that rattled as entertainment but was still quite as Derek cooked.

Derek put both bowls on the table and pulled a chair out before walking to Spencer and grabbing him under the arms and sitting down with him in his lap. Spencer was red-faced as he was taken aback not expecting Derek to pick him up.

The soup would be much easier to spill so Derek held onto him so he could feed him without making a large mess. There was no way Spencer could eat this himself with the way his handshakes and his babyish fumbling.

They went through the soup pretty quick enjoying the warmth it provided and Spencer secretly enjoying being fed in Derek’s lap.

When it was all gone Derek put Spencer on the table before grabbing the Brownies and putting them next to Spencer happily, “brownie time!”

Spencer clapped his hands and smiled excitedly, his legs hanging limp from the table. Derek put the milk, eggs, and vegetable oil next to Spencer and grabbed measuring cups, a bowl, and a spoon to mix with.

Derek preheated the oven before dumping the mix into the bowl.

He rolled up Spencer’s sleeves, “Want to pour the milk and oil for me pretty boy,” he hinted rhetorically.

Spencer nodded and let out a, “mm-hmm!” picking the oil up as Derek held the correct measuring cup underneath letting Spencer pour before telling him to stop and dump it in.

Derek watched closely as Spencer went to pick up the milk, it was halfway fully so he wasn’t sure if Spencer could hold it securely enough. Spencer lent the edge of it against his leg for balance so Derek lowered the measuring cup for him to pour.

Spencer smiled as Derek added it to the bowl. Derek cracked two eggs into the mix before offering the third to Spencer.

If Spencer was an older little it wouldn’t be an issue but Derek didn’t want to have to dig out egg shell for all three eggs, so he let Spencer crack the last one and caught it in a measuring cup just to be sure no egg shell fell in.

Derek looked back up as he mixed it gently to get it combined so powder wouldn’t fly everywhere when he handed it to Spencer. He was met with his infectious smile.

“Can you stir the rest for me Spencer,” he faked a pleading voice handing him the bowl and spoon with an almost completed batter.

Spencer nodded giddily taking over the stirring sloppily as Derek grabbed a baking pan and oiled it so Spencer could pour it in.

The oven beeped as it finished preheating right as Derek began smoothing it out. Derek could feel the heat waft out of the oven as he opened it and slid the brownies in.

Knowing the dangers of raw flour if he hadn't been regressed he would have never kept the spoon to lick the batter off but after the last few days he's had, which were much more dangerous, he gave in.

He didn't have to have responsibilities as long as Derek was taking care of him.

Chapter Text

Now that the brownies were put into the oven Derek had thirty minutes to get Spencer cleaned up, they had been too exhausted yesterday and Derek had a feeling Spencer might get dirty at some point. He didn’t see it beneficial to attempt to wash him twice cause he had no idea how he was about to react.

Spencer was sat on the counter smiling widely at Derek as he stood up from sliding them in. He had a bit of miscellaneous brownie mix on him and his clothes.

“We have a while for the brownies to cook pretty boy, we need to get you in the bath so you can enjoy your brownies in some fresh pajamas!” Derek attempted to make it sound appealing.

Spencer didn’t seem to have much of a reaction so Derek wasn’t sure what his boundaries were as he lifted him off the counter and sat him down on the lid of the toilet.

Derek grabbed a towel, a rag, and pajamas for the bath. He wasn’t going to let him shower considering how uncoordinated his walking was.

“Do you want bubbles?”
Spencer nodded so Derek pumped soap into the running warm water to make bubbles, testing the temperature with his hand.

“Do you want my help?,” Derek prodded looking for a real reply.

Spencer flushed and took a second to think about it. Derek wouldn’t ask if he wasn’t comfortable with it and Spencer trusted him. He nodded hesitantly in an attempt to tell Derek he didn’t have to.

Derek paid no mind to Spencer’s second-guessing, helping him undress and letting Spencer hold his hand as he settled himself in the bathtub.

Derek went to the kitchen for a split second to grab an old cup. Spencer waded his hand through the bubbles popping some of them and feeling the foam on his fingers as he waited for Derek to get back.
Derek took a seat on the ledge of the bath facing Spencer as he filled the cup up with water and watched Spencer play with the bubbles.

Derek scooted closer before putting his hand on Spencer’s forehead to protect his eyes, “I’m gonna wash your hair now, lean your head back so nothing gets on your face baby.”

Spencer felt mixed emotions about the pet name. He liked it, it made him feel really small, made him feel safe, made him feel loved and special. He had never felt small and safe, special had never been felt complimentary, and love with his family was complicated.

However it was scary because it was bringing such new feelings and was countering the views he’s had on ever regressing near someone.

He never thought it could be like this yet he was haunted by the obvious fact that Derek wasn’t completely doing this by choice. He was the most available capable caregiver to watch him and he wouldn’t say no because he did love Reid and he wasn’t cruel.

That doesn’t mean he wants to be doing this though.

Derek tried to read Spencer’s face but outside of a blush and a small smile that disappeared not long after he had little to go on.

Spencer leaned his head back as Derek poured water on his greasy lightly tangled hair, he could feel his head getting heavier as his hair soaked up the water.

Both of them had little to do besides think as Derek silently shampooed and conditioned Spencer’s longer hair. Spencer enjoyed the light head scratching and the soothing motion letting out near-silent hums.

Derek had turned the water off as it had gotten full, occasionally turning it on to re-fill the cup, so the only sound was the occasional noise of water splashing as Spencer moved around.

Derek watched as Spencer began to relax once he was done washing his hair, able to sit back up right to avoid burning eyes with shampoo.

Spencer re-arranged as Derek washed him with the rag attempting to make it easier for him while enjoying that he didn’t have to do the work himself. While he was still stressed, for once he had every excuse to not carry the world on his shoulders.

Spencer didn’t look sleepy necessarily but his eyes were half-lidded and he was balancing his head on his knees while breathing deeply and calmly adding to the water noises.

Derek smiled at him, able to see him sink deeper into his regression. He had thought about earlier when he pondered if Spencer was completely regressed. Now watching him he can conclude he hasn’t been.

Even stuck between headspaces Spencer was too little to take care of himself clearly which confirmed a lot of his and his team’s worries.

He could claim certifiably that his repression is based on trauma of some sort. Not based on the recognizable anxiety and hesitance but because Spencer has proven to be a very sweet and easy little to take care of.

Not that a little’s behavior is any reason for them not to deserve a caregiver it was just based on preference. A louder playful little would be better suited to a caregiver who enjoys playing and harder activities that a younger little couldn’t do.

There was no shortage of caregivers looking for a young little even if they weren’t the most playful. Spencer was heartwarming, even now clingy to his side and gave very precious smiles. He didn’t need much to hold his attention or to curb boredom, Spencer just wanted affection.

Derek could hear Spencer lightly humming underneath his breath as Derek rinsed the soap off.
Derek finished and held the towel up so Spencer could step into it before wrapping it around him and sitting him on the toilet.

The hairdryer would likely be too overwhelming so he took a second towel and dried his hair off. Luckily washing it first gave it some time to airdry and by bedtime it shouldn’t be damp. It began to form small waves especially at his nape.

Derek helped Spencer dry off and get into some of his comfy pajamas, they were oversized on Spencer’s more lean frame but that wasn’t a bad thing.

He pulled the sweater over Spencer’s head and helped him get his arms through before kneeling down, having crinkled one leg of the sweatpants up. He got Spencer to lift his leg up and put his foot in before doing the same with the other, pulling them up letting Spencer hold his shoulders for stability.

He tied the sweatpants waistband, that he usually left loose so they didn’t fall off his waist, before Spencer sat back down. The sweater wasn’t scratchy on the inside, just a soft large long-sleeve trapping the warm heat.

Spencer’s body was lax from the warm water relaxing his muscles and regressing further as he grew more comfortable realizing he was safe to let someone else take care of him.

Derek bent down a bit and lifted Spencer up carefully without hurting his back and held him to his chest as Spencer didn’t respond to his question, “Do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you?”

He laid his head into the crease of Derek’s neck for the short distance from the bathroom to the living room couch.

The brownies were about to be done so he brushed Spencer’s hair back with his fingers, pushing it out of his face, and laid a blanket on Spencer’s lap as he stood up to check the timer.

Derek pulled the brownies out of the oven and put them on the stovetop to cool off before pouring milk into Spencer’s bottle. He poured himself a drink, grabbed Spencer’s bottle, and the pacifier that had been left and walked to the living room so he could place them on the coffee table.

Spencer was curled up with the blanket covering him, one hand gripping his blanket to his chest and the other was being used in place of the binky. His index and middle finger were pressed against his tongue as he watched the tv sleepily.

He stared up at Derek as he moved to put their drinks down.
Derek pulled his fingers out and put the pacifier in their place before running his hand over Spencer’s face.

He grabbed a plate and put a few for both him and Spencer before double checking the stove was off and turning the lights off behind him as he hurried back.

He sat down and pulled Spencer into his lap, the blanket draping over both of them but not touching the plate Derek had put on the opposite side so he wouldn’t jostle Spencer reaching over too much.

Derek took a bite of one to make sure they weren’t too hot before stabbing a bite onto a fork for Spencer who let out a hum of appreciation at the chocolate before putting the bottle in his mouth as he waited for another piece.

Derek shook his knee gently, rocking Spencer lightly, as he fed himself taking turns.

By time they were both finished Spencer was clearly tired with his eyelids drooping and mouth unconsciously sipping on the bottle which was now empty.

He laid Spencer down aware that he might fall asleep before getting up and putting the dishes away. He grabbed the other bottle and filled it with water before placing it on his bedside table.

He pulled the blankets back and turned the warmly lit light lamp on so the bright light wouldn’t hurt Spencer’s eyes.

He went back into the living room and turned the tv off before grabbing the pacifier on the table and carefully lifting Spencer off the couch.

Spencer rubbed his face into Derek’s chest as he was woken up and grumbled. He felt himself being sat upright, his face furrowing in confusion as his hands were pressed against a cold counter.

Derek pulled his chin telling Spencer to open his mouth accompanied by the sound of running water helping Spencer recognize where he was. Derek brushed Spencer’s teeth carefully with the bathroom lights off, the hallway light giving him enough vision before having him rinse. Then he brushed his own.

He picked him up again this time holding him on his hip with Spencer’s limbs wrapped around him as opposed to a bridal carry before laying him in the bed.

Spencer whined as Derek grabbed his wrist before he could suck his thumb but was comforted as a bottle was placed in his mouth. Derek sat down on the bed and put Spencer’s head in his lap at a slightly upright angle and held the bottle for him.

He smiled as Spencer let out a deep exhale and a whimper sound full of relief and comfort.

Spencer enjoyed the warmth surrounding him as well as the quiet, only able to hear breathing and the sound of him drinking. He could feel Derek raking his hand through his hair.

Had Spencer been even slightly close to awake his eyes would have welled with tears and emotion not able to clearly remember any other memory where he felt the way he felt. Safe, care-free with his brain empty from any thought, and light without any responsibility on his shoulders.

Spencer fell asleep quickly so Derek turned the little lamp off and replaced the bottle with the pacifier. He shifted Spencer to lay comfortably and laid his blanket in his arms before falling asleep quickly next to him tired but happy.

He felt a pride in making sure Spencer was well taken care of and happy. Of course he would have felt it taking care of any little but something about it being Spencer made it special. It was perfect and he felt at ease despite all the stress they had endured in the last two days.

That night Spencer didn’t twitch or mumble the way he so usually did having a dreamless unconscious sleep. He saw nothing but the shadow reflecting off the closed eyelid. He didn't wake once to feel the cozy blankets around him or the pair of arms, until he did.

When Derek woke up his arms were empty and so was the right side of his bed. There was a very slight heat left behind in Spencer’s place but no other sign to show he had been there besides the pacifier on the bedside.

Derek stretched as he stood up, bones tight from encircling someone the whole night. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes which he would prefer to still be closed.

He walked into the living room but saw no Spencer. Just a living room the same as he had left it, Spencer’s dirty clothes were still in his hamper and his go-bag was still in Derek’s car.

There was no letter left on the table addressing him and no text ever addressing his stay. The only difference was Spencer and his blanket’s absence.

Derek could feel his heart picking up speed at Reid’s disappearance.

Clearly Reid was embarrassed. This wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for as it confirmed that Spencer wouldn’t be regressing around him anytime soon. It was ridiculous but Derek had already grown attached.

Morgan paced considering what he should do. He didn’t want to overwhelm Reid who was without a doubt already overwhelmed not just by the regression and everyone finding out but being kidnapped.

He didn’t leave any message which was a signal he probably didn’t want to talk to anyone and he should respect that. Just to give him alone time to think it all over.

Maybe it wasn’t actually him repressing further, maybe he just needed to consider everything that happened and how he feels about it.

The rest of the team had been trying to keep their minds off the situation needing clear-heads however it was hard to detach yourself emotionally from someone you cared so much about. They had only been going off what little information Garcia had told them.

She had informed them that Morgan was taking good care of him and that he was quite little. He was a bit shy but seemed to be doing okay which had brought relief to all of them.

JJ had been coddling her children when home, Rossi had been cooking and bringing some for everyone, Hotch had been a bit nicer with his orders, Emily had been less focused.

Hotch was surprised to be getting a phone call on the team's day off but pulled his phone out of his pocket anyway, answering it quickly when he saw it was Morgan.

“How is Reid doing?” Hotch asked before Morgan could get his words out.

“He left, I woke up and he was gone,” Morgan informed.

Hotch was silent for a few seconds, “That doesn’t sound like good news.”

Morgan sighed and rubbed his hand over his forehead, “Hopefully he’s just taking time to process. He didn’t leave a note though and I don't want to suffocate him after all that’s happened in the last few days, not to mention he’s not good with change.”

“Hopefully,” Hotch grumbled, “guess we will see how he’s doing at work tomorrow if he shows.”

Morgan kept his mind busy by doing chores such as washing dirty laundry including outfits belonging to Reid. He had left in the pajamas Morgan had lent to him.

The day seemed to pass by slower without Reid as he had no one to focus his attention on. He went back and forth on whether he should reach out to Reid or not.

He gathered the supplies left behind in a bag hoping Spencer would be back again and need them. He hid the second pacifier that had been in the pack in Reid’s bag under the clothes he had left behind.

Derek read back over some of Narnia not really absorbing the small words on the page but looking them over considering if he had any options.

When he went to bed that night he felt the frown appear on his face becoming aware of the empty space next to him in the bed and the lack of nasally breathing.

Even Reid’s grumbling and turning he did in motels that disrupted his sleep would have been more comforting than the lonely stillness of unwrinkled sheets.

The traffic was worse than usual for Emily as she was stuck behind parents driving to drop miserable kids off for school, all brooding as they thought about how heavy their bags would be returning home. She had been running behind as she didn’t predict how long her breakfast would take to make correctly.

She parked and walked in a fast stride to make her way to the bullpen hoping she wouldn’t get scolded.

Emily walked in to see JJ looking distraught with Garcia comforting her. Morgan and Hotch were talking off to the side with Morgan making hand gestures meanwhile Hotch kept his stoic face as usual. Rossi seemed to be analyzing as were a few other people in the room and Reid was nowhere to be seen.

Emily made her way to Rossi once he made eye contact with her figuring it best to stay out of the other’s way.

“What happened,” Emily scoffed, setting her bags down and taking a seat in the separate room with glass walls.

Reid had gotten there early and was sat at his desk without much to do as Morgan had his bag. His phone laid on the desk not having checked any messages, pretending for the moment none of it was real.

If he dissociated from the memory or more appropriately worded experience, he wouldn’t have to come to a conclusion on his feelings and nothing would change.

It was hard to do that with the repetitious stares being thrown his way. It was hard to do that when he now had a memory making him aware of what he was refusing to give in too.

Hotch hadn’t really said anything as he had walked in, looked him over before saying, “You’re here a bit early.”

Reid nodded and Hotch let it go, Reid wasn’t the only one to burry themselves in work to distract from their personal issues. Everyone on the team did it.

Garcia had smiled at him and waved which was typical behavior however had made Reid blush today as he remembered how she had seen him. Then remembering how they had all seen him.

Morgan had walked in as she sat in her seat and had placed Reid’s bag on the floor, “all your stuff is in there, I washed the clothes as well.” He kept it simple, less than what was said on a typical day.

Rossi was much the same knowing pressuring Reid wouldn’t help in this situation but only make him feel more exposed and vulnerable.

JJ and Reid had always been close, they were closer in age than most on the team and both undermined based on appearances. JJ had been particularly interested in him as he was unusual and fun to be around. Reid had felt comfortable being himself.

While she was never the 'weird kid' going through grief made her feel detached from others in her school. Now that she was older and got a taste of the judgment you could receive for being an outlier she empathized better. She hated being undermined because she's a woman and she can only imagine how Spence feels.

This made it much harder to act like it was any other workday. She had spent his whole absence thinking about every case he had been targeted in, his issues with addiction, the bullying he had faced and felt guilt as though she failed to protect him.

It was too much for any person and yet so much shit happened to one so gentle-hearted and nerdy and little.

She thought about all the times she watched him ramble joyfully, saw him empathize with people despite his underdeveloped social skills and her heart broke when she smiled at those memories. Because then all she could see was his face.

His body heaving as he unabashedly wailed looking at them desperately trying to soothe himself but pleading for rescue.

It wasn’t that the rest of the team weren’t plagued by similar thoughts but that JJ was having a much harder time compartmentalizing.

She didn’t run up to Reid and pinch at his cheeks but her eyes couldn’t seem to part for more than a few seconds at a time. She had greeted him when she walked in and said she was happy to see him he had smiled back.

Reid could feel his shoulders bearing down at the weight of her gaze and he could feel the others' purposeful ignoration eating as his guts and spilling them out. He couldn’t hear his own thoughts past the sound of their silence.

Seeing a pacifier in his bag tucked away clearly meant for him to discover later when he went to grab paperwork had cracked the cat and mouse game they were all playing as he began to feel he was the prey.

He truly had everyone’s eyes drawn on him as he stood up and turned towards JJ, “Quit staring at me!”
While it sounded quite polite without context it sucked the air out of the room as it was rare to hear Reid raise his voice in such a way and shocking to see it pointed at JJ of all people. It had startled everyone having come out of nowhere leaving them all astounded.

It echoed off the walls as Reid got up and walked to the bathroom to recollect himself while JJ felt her heart drop having upset Spence.

She felt guilty but it wasn’t her fault, she just wanted to make sure he was okay. The thing was that Reid did appreciate her caring but he was emotionally disastrous and willing to drop the weight where he could.

Garcia went over to comfort her as JJ’s face dropped into a frown. Hotch and Morgan began talking, unable to be read by Rossi who watched the whole altercation with his eyebrows raised taken aback.

It had only been a few seconds later that Emily walked in. Hotch had been waiting for her so he could sit the whole team together and go over the case but now they had to wait for Reid as well.

Reid was taking deep breaths as he started into the mirror and tried to ground himself. He could already feel regret creeping over him but his self-pity was too strong to let it come to the forefront.

“Well Reid raised his voice at JJ for staring at her, told her to quit staring. I think it’s more related to how off everyone is acting this morning though,” Rossi disclosed.

Emily nodded, “did he leave?”

Rossi shook his head and told her he walked to the bathroom. Emily sat down and grabbed everything she needed out of her bag attempting to create a sense of normality in the room.

Her and Rossi made some small talk before Morgan joined them. Hotch had went to check on JJ and ask if she was alright or if she needed a moment as both him and Garcia consoled her and rationalized that Spencer wasn’t actually angry at her.

He was angry that everyone saw him at his most defenseless exposed moment. She just got the brunt of it as he took her worried stares as analyzing which gave him an outlet.

It was a much more childish way of expressing difficult emotions than Reid typically exhibited.

Morgan took a seat but didn’t say anything since it was better to wait for the rest of them to join so he didn’t have to repeat himself. When the three others took their seats as well and hesitantly avoided looking at Morgan not wanting to pressure information out of him, he began talking.

“He stayed at mine and left yesterday morning without any note. He did well while he was over, he’s either falling back into ignoring it or he just needs to take time and consider everything that happened and his emotions.”

He didn’t want to divulge too much information, it was too personal to tell them how Spencer sat on the counter and helped him bake brownies, how he hummed while having his hair washed, how he snuggled back nudging deeper into Derek’s arms after he had fallen asleep.

Those were their memories.

Garcia had kept her memory close as well having just told them he was a sweetheart. Only giving them enough so they could release the deep breath that had been locked in their chest.

They all nodded unsure what else to say or do. It wasn’t time to step in, Reid wasn’t ready for a direct ‘wake-up’ call yet, it would feel all too much like a lecture and as a result scare Reid further as he would feel like a child being chided.

They all got their work set out on the desk and JJ gave Garcia the case folder having already discussed it previously.

When Reid appeared Morgan began making small talk and his eyes widened as a very hidden gesture to influence the rest of them to copy him so Reid wouldn’t panic. Walking into a silent room would only fuel the belief they were talking about, which to be fair wouldn’t be inaccurate but would only build his anxiety and resentment.

The resentment seemed to be towards the team, he sulked as the team imparted details and ruminated. His face was clearly moody and he was silent. His eyes were red and had small eye-bags forming, the tip of his noise was pink from rubbing it, and his almost shoulder-length hair had been ruffled by his hands. None of it would be noticeable to anyone except his teammates and maybe his mother on a day where she was clear-headed. His lips stuck together, a contrast to the loose-lipped rambles that usually met their ears.

The resentment was actually internal, feeling disappointed in himself for not being stronger. He embarrassed himself and made the case harder for his team. He was a burden on them and then worsened it by relying on them for simple tasks.

They were flying to New Mexico investigating three women who had been kidnapped from their homes. They bore no physical resemblance outside of the fact they were all pretty. All in their twenties and single.
The unsub had left pomegranate seeds on the beds where he had grabbed them.

Reid considered in his head what symbolic meaning could be interpreted from the unsub’s signature but stayed silent not wanting to throw a lead out without more certainty.

He couldn’t mess up this case.

They all grabbed their go-bags and made their way to the jet after Garcia said goodbye to them all. Reid could feel his heart picking up as he felt the carpet under his shoes.

He buckled in as required for take-off and grabbed his book out of his bag. He was re-reading Proust, who his mother loved to read to him. Most of his memories with his mom where he remembered positively getting real quality time with her and not feeling like the parent but like the child were when she read to him.

He found the book comforting just holding it despite the nerves he felt as he sat in the plane with his co-workers he was blanking out.

Once they were in the air he made himself comfortable on the couch as they continued to go over the case and make plans on where to start once landing.

It was currently nine o clock and the flight was just over three hours and thirty minutes. However New Mexico’s time zone was two hours behind so it would be around ten thirty when they arrived which gave them time to check in and put bags away at the hotel.

“Garcia said there was no obvious connection. Different jobs, colleges, friends including online, they all lived in separate neighborhoods,” Emily noted.

He listened to their conversing. Instead of finding a connection between the girls they needed to find the connection between them, the unsub, and how he found them. If his motive was to capture girls that reminded him of someone, or if it was related to rejection.

“The unsub is organized and targeting low-risk victims,” Rossi declared.

They began building the profile as Reid continued to ponder on his signature. Pomegranates had an overall common symbolism however a rich history and therefore differences depending on context and more importantly if the unsub was fueled by religion.

In christianity pomegranates often represent fertility and beauty however can also represent a closeness to God and life’s abundance. Many beliefs of ancient christianity beliefs pomegranates to be the first fruit made and placed in the garden of Eden.

Many cultures see it as a symbol of abundance and belief in it having good luck bring properties especially surrounding fertility.

However his main correlation was to Greek mythology in which they’re seen as the ‘fruit of the dead’ both due to it being created by the death of Adonis and the more known story of Hades and Persephone.

Reid had been wearing his warm sweaters the last few weeks as winter began to approach. According to mythology Persephone, having been trapped with Hades through her consumption of pomegranate seeds, was in the underworld leaving her mother in despair to express it through the weather.

Warm sweaters were his favorite. While he got cold easy he loved when the time of year came around in which it was socially acceptable to wear the soft fabric that swamped him. They made his power naps on the jet much more cozy.

Morgan watched him sleep, tossing occasionally and making noises. Restless instead of still and heavy. He sat across from Rossi but not in silence, they didn’t speak but their eyes said enough.

Emily slept not too far from Reid. In all honesty she was the only one Reid felt comfortable being with at the moment. They had a special connection. Not that everyone on the team didn't.

Reid trusted Emily to not invade and force a conversation until absolutely necessary. She had been through a lot and much of it was similar to his experiences. Although she put up a much colder front they both used a mask to protect themselves more intensely than the rest of the team.

She understood needing space and while she felt the urge to be protective over him she shifted it into making him feel comfortable in her presence. Nothing needed to change between them.

Reid put his intelligence and silliness up as a front both being defense mechanisms. Without an over-display of his genius he would never be taken seriously but he had often been the joke without knowing it, a result of his lacking social cues. He tried to use what he had often been made fun of for as a joke so he could get in on it before others laughed without him.

Emily came off as serious and intense in a way, you knew from talking to her that she wasn’t the type to sit back and take anyone’s bullshit. She was able to remain level-headed unless the mask came off. When her emotions got in the way she was driven and refused to back down especially for those she loved. She always listens to him even when his longwinded rant isn't useful or of interest to her, enjoying the stimulating conversation.

Coming from a complicated family background in which she moved a lot with no stability or parental guidance she had learned how to fend for herself and keep her heart stable in her chest. Despite that she did as a child always crave a family connection like the kids at her schools had. Spencer loved his mom but could relate and understand her struggle.

The team had found a family in each other.

Chapter Text

The whole team went to the hotel to drop off the baggage that would weigh them down, only bringing what was needed for the case. They grabbed breakfast while they were there and ate it on the way taking two different vans which they had rented.

It was obvious Reid was avoiding Morgan, JJ, and Hotch as he followed close behind Emily in the hotel and put his bag in the same room.

Emily and JJ always slept in the same room as it was typical for them to keep rooms separated by gender on most teams but nobody was going to say anything. Emily showed no signs of being uncomfortable and they had much more significant ‘battles’ to pick and choose from.

Not to mention all the team trusted her with Reid. Emily wasn’t a caregiver, she wasn’t the most bubbly, but she was protective.

Reid remembers vividly when they were undercover at that cult where they ended up being held hostage. He remembers her face, her voice, his heart thumping in an attempt to burst out of his skin.

Emily had watched as the man who towered over both of them demanded to be told which one of them was the agent. Reid had stuttered when asking him what he meant trying to not blow their cover. His hair was pushed behind his ears and his hands were fiddling.

Reid was bambi-eyed, wide and full of fear as he made eye contact with her more than once which was unusual for him. She watched him as he looked to her for guidance, unsure of how to proceed, clearly nervous as the man held a gun to his head.

Reid remembers the suffocating terror as the cold metal pressed to him. Maybe it never actually touched him, either way he could still feel the sensation.

When he looked to Emily unsure of what to do he saw her mouth gaping looking back and forth trying to keep up with fast-pace of events.

Emily was quick to take the blame not questioning her decision even as she was dragged by her hair and thrown around. She could feel the burn on her scalp, her legs dragging across the ground, and she was already able to picture the bruises that would mark her pale skin.

She used her eyes to tell Reid to stay back as he made an attempt to help her despite his fear but was met with another gun pointed towards him.

She used her words to both comfort Reid but mainly to tell the team she was okay as well. Reid had acted off the whole time they were there, his voice softer in a way. She chalked it up to the anxiety anyone would feel in their situation.

She was only more grateful of her decision knowing what she knows now.

She can’t imagine how awful it would’ve been had Reid regressed in that situation and with her unavailable to take care of him.

Reid had felt unbearably guilty for weeks letting her take the pain. Unable to get his mouth to form any words as panic gripped him and his legs felt shaky as he attempted to stand. He felt most guilty for the overwhelming relief he felt when she told them it was her.

He wondered if she would still trust him the way he trusted her so deeply.

She told him blatantly that it was her decision and not to blame himself. She told him she would do it again. He believed her but he would never not question if the trust was one-sided or if she knew that he would do all he could to protect her as well.

Wondered if she knew that he wanted to own up but couldn’t get any words out of his constricting throat or tears would well up and fall down his cheeks relentlessly.

JJ followed Morgan without complaint and sat her bags down near the window as Morgan let her choose which bed she would prefer.

They both shared a look and were able to recognize the others thoughts instantly. JJ and Morgan both wishing Reid had picked to isolate himself with themselves. Yearning for the clear reassurance that he wasn't upset with them.

Reid, Emily, and Rossi were in the same van making their way to the precinct. While Reid tended to go on tangents he could appreciate a comfortable silence especially before a case just like the other two.

He could let his brain take in the calming sensory input such as the sounds of the car and the heating as it blew warm air towards him. He was sitting in the back so he had plenty of space but his hands were wrapped around himself absorbing warmth from his sweater.

Emily looked over files in the front and Rossi followed the car in front of them where the three others switched between silent sulking and concerned discussion.

JJ couldn’t say her feelings were not hurt after Reid blew up at her and then chose to stay with Emily over her. She just had to not let it show, keeping her disappointment unexpressed as it would only make him feel guilty which wouldn’t help the problem at hand.

Morgan and Hotch felt useless being unable to help in any way. A few questions and statements got thrown around on the twenty minute drive that was prolonged from early morning traffic.

“How come he didn’t regress when he was kidnapped by Hankel,” JJ built up the courage to ask, having pondered over it a few times.

“He did somewhat I believe. He acted differently at the hospital and when Gideon and I got into the van I was aware that he was slipping. I had no clue how he repressed it the whole time he was kidnapped. I had guessed he had taken his suppressant recently or that he had regressed prior and was clear-headed enough to resist. I think he stayed at Gideon’s that night. I never asked, while it is my business as it could affect the team and it was odd that he, I assumed at the time, took care of him when little despite him not being a caregiver I didn’t see it as my boundary to cross. I didn’t have enough information to think it called for a discussion. Although now I don't believe it was a re-occuring thing.”

They nodded wondering more on what Reid and Gideon’s situation was like.

Reid had been angry when Gideon had left him with nothing but a letter to say goodbye despite being the only one to get a letter. All of them wondered if Reid's regression played into this in some way or if it was due to a fear of parental abandonment or rejection.

Hotch introduced the team to the local officers as they entered the building. The head officer informed them they had the families and the friends who reported the women as missing ready to talk with them.

The tall man showed them to the cleared-out area and told them to make themselves comfortable as Emily put the paperwork onto the table they sat around. The building was average, an almost exact replica of every department they had visited.

“We have three single women all taken from their homes with no connection to each other. Jane Bell was taken from her home two weeks ago. She had just gotten home from her part time-job at a cafe and was taken between midnight and two am. No signs of force, no broken windows or doors, no neighbors reported screaming. A friend reported her missing after going to check on her and the cops found pomegranate seeds on her pillow. Ava Foster had just gotten home from her job at a pharmacy and her mother called two days after reporting her missing. She was taken a week ago. Both her and Riley Barnes' homes were found the same way as Bell’s. Riley didn’t show up to her university courses yesterday,” Hotch gestured frequently to photos they had on a board as he went over the case with the local police listening. He wanted to analyze the case more intensely before speaking with the victims family and friends.

“None of these women worked anywhere similar nor seemed to have any shared friends. They all lived within a 5 mile radius from one another so we know the unsub is confident in this area. He’s likely around the same age and in decent shape to be able to abduct these women from their homes. The common denominator so far seems to be that they’re young pretty women. ” Rossi adds on.

A local officer cut in, “Why the fruit seeds? What message is he trying to give?”

A few seconds slid by as the team waited expecting to hear Reid give them all the answers. Reid was waiting for someone else to speak until the stares became too much and he hesitantly suggested possibilities, “It depends on his personal beliefs and religious views as pomegranate seeds have been used symbolically in many ways over the years. If he’s Christian it could be a reference Eve, he might see the women as sinners as a lot of people actually think the fruit she ate was not an apple but a pomegranate. It could have to do with fertility as well. However it’s more commonly seen in Greek mythology and although there are different beliefs the one most common is that of Persephone and Hades. Hades kidnapped her and made and tried to persuade her into staying. He gifted her luxuriously to show love in the hopes she would return it. When that didn’t work he tricked her into eating pomegranate seeds which to summarize trapped her in the underworld for six months of the year. The winter is a result of her mother’s pain.”

His team kept discussing the case unphased by Reid’s spiels but he could feel the eyes on him coming from across the room making him self-conscious. Reid hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that everyone was seeing into his soul when their eyes so much as grazed over him.

Everyone would see how fragile he was. He was keeping himself sewn together through self-destructive actions. The thread was slowly wearing down as he tugged it tighter. His love for his team reminded him of how safe felt with them despite how defenseless he was, only encouraging him to push away. It would be easier to yank the thread until it snapped than to let it loosen and have his family help him mend it.

It would be harder to do alone now that he knew what it could be.

“So if we were to say that he is referencing Greek mythology what would his intention be?” Morgan queries directed at Reid.

“Hades wanted Persephone to love him so maybe he’s looking for love. If he’s sticking to the myth then he wouldn’t kill these women but kidnap them so there is hope that they’re still alive.”

Hotch separated them into teams and instructed them on what to do. He stared at Reid who had an uncomfortable look on his face and took mercy pairing him with Emily.

Hotch wanted to stay behind at the station just to keep a watchful eye for the moment so both him and JJ as well as Emily and Reid were going to talk with the loved ones the police brought in so it would go quicker. Morgan and Rossi were going to look over the crime scenes and talk to the neighbors.

Hotch told the local police to look through cases around twenty years old where cps was involved or in which a mother died when the son was younger. The unsub feels unloved which likely stems from something in his past, it could be that he never received love from his mother as a kid or that his mother was the only one who showed him love and kindness.

It’s a smaller town and the unsub seems confident so it’s possible he grew up close by. Overall it was a large leap but it was something useful the police could do that would keep them out of the way.

“We have another teammate named Garcia, she helps us find connections to the unsubs and victims. She wants one of you to try and give her a list of places within fifteen miles from the crime scenes where pomegranates are sold.”

They nodded and the head officer took over designating tasks for each member as the team began to separate.

The investigations with the families and friends of the victims provided them with very little helpful information. Jane Bell went to a college twenty minutes away from where she lived and was studying to be a veterinarian and worked part-time for money. She always locked the door.

Ava Foster was close with her family and had a consistent routine which did not involve partying or dating frequently. She had a mutual break-up a year ago and nobody would want to hurt her. She always locked the door.

Riley Barnes' friends came in as she wasn’t close with her family. She was a college student who worked part-time with a close group of friends and little social life. She always locked the door.

None of them had been to a party recently or gone on a date. They were all kind with no fall-outs. The unsub was finding them in some other way.

All four had felt their time had been wasted in terms of finding the women being used as therapists as opposed to F.B.I which while understandable strained them.

Morgan and Rossi agreed with the reports the police had drawn up, nothing seemed off about the houses. No signs of force. The rooms looked as if the girls had woken up in them that morning. Clothes were strewn sloppily, books left half read, tables covered barely showing the wood underneath.

The despair hung over them as they looked though the girl's room each decorated with love showing all the things they enjoyed. Such a desolate emotion for such a non-desolate room full of youth and life. Items that would be passed around to those they loved in their memory, if they had in-fact passed on, still lying as if the girls were still occupying the homes.

The neighbors all said they heard no sound except one. Riley Barnes' neighbor whose house was close by both of them living in a small apartment-like building said that her dog woke her up barking around two am. She reported her dog only barked when a car parked close by.

They both thanked her and made their way back to the station where the others considered their next choice of action. Hotch told Garcia to check any cameras within five minutes from Riley’s house on the night she was taken around two and write down any license plates.

They were given a list of the three places that sold pomegranates nearby. The seeds were all fresh especially for the last girl who was taken and reported in less than twenty four hours. This let them know they were recently bought which also likely meant he bought each one separately.

Emily and Reid continued to stick together as Hotch didn’t want to add a dispute to the list of issues and just decided to let him be. Them and Hotch would be going to two of the stores while the rest of the team went to another to ask for security camera footage or see if anyone remembered a man who fit the profile.

Reid was sat in the back staring out the window. The silence was a bit more tense than it had been with just Emily but not unbearable. He was getting a bit tired now having worn himself out talking to some of the families and consoling them while trying to read their body language.

He had been hyper focused on reading everyone's body language since this morning and his brain was beginning to feel the continuous strenuous effort.

He had trained himself to become hyper-aware having struggled with reading emotions for many years. In some ways he still lacked in social situations but in others he had taught himself too well, creating a painful amount of empathy.

The exhaustion was worsened by the constant stares as they were a reminder to the situation he was trying to ignore. He was finding it hard to focus when everyone kept unintentionally bringing his thoughts back to being kidnapped, the embarrassing jet ride, or to Morgan taking care of him.

Despite having stared out the window the whole drive he was surprised when they arrived being brought out of his overworking malfunctioning mind overloaded with thoughts by Hotch saying his name.

Hotch pretended he hadn’t said it once before and that he hadn’t been staring at him. Glancing in the mirror repeatedly while driving trying to catch glimpses of Reid’s face which was blank.

He wondered if this is how Reid felt trying to read people naturally without the effort. It was difficult to say the least. Not as difficult as it was to deal with the fact that he was oblivious to what was happening in his brain.

Emily pretended both that she wasn’t aware of Reid playing space cadet in the backseat as they drove and that she hadn’t noticed Hotch’s awareness. She stared out the window for a bit too and thought about how nice it could be to stay here if it wasn’t for such a morbid reason.

The whole team vacationing somewhere could be such fun. Not at the moment likely but once everyone got their heads back on.

While Emily had been putting her energy into sympathizing with Reid she can only imagine how agonizing it is for the others especially Hotch and Morgan who were hardwired to help him but weren’t allowed. Even if he wasn't a little they would still want to help him and make sure he was alright, they all loved Reid dearly.

She knew she needed to talk with JJ soon as she hadn’t gotten the chance to comfort her and she could see the hurt she was hiding.

Similar to the agony they felt was the agitation when talking to store owners who convinced themselves they were under investigation when all that was asked for was camera footage. Luckily for Hotch and Emily, Reid came off far less intimidating and was able to get the tape sent to Garcia with little push-back.

All three stores stated they hadn’t seen someone come in multiple times but clearly with people working different shifts they couldn't confirm anyhow. They all agreed to send footage from around the time they suggested.

Some just wanted to help and others felt important and significant to the case like they were the true heroes. Some workers were just horrified that they may have bagged fruit up for a kidnapper.

Having been in the food market brought Reid’s awareness to his stomach which was gnawing at itself hungrily not having eaten in a few hours.

The sun was beginning to go down and the sky was darker. It wasn’t too late but the winter season dimmed the bright yellow beams bringing attention to the cold weather.

Walking back to the van Reid could feel the cold wind nip at his fingertips and nose. It wasn’t as cold as Virginia but when he breathed in deep he could feel it in his lungs almost like mint.

The team all grabbed a snack to eat at the station when they got back. Hotch focused on dimming his headlights as he drove back while Emily communicated with Garcia and updated her on what they knew.

Reid was focusing on not falling asleep as the sun disappeared more and more. Hotch and Emily were backlit from the lights of other cars on the road behind them. His eyes were heavy and he swayed with the motion of the car.

His stomach was helping in his efforts as it begged for food and refused to let him get too comfortable against the cold leather seats that slowly were heating up.

When they arrived at the station they shared information back and forth with Garcia while the other officers listened in. She gave them a list of the plates she had seen drive by close within a reasonable time. The officers were told to check against any reports they had found.

They sent her the contact information for the video footage. It was a large task to look through multiple different cameras of three different shops over the course of almost three weeks so she knew it would be a long night and day for her tomorrow.

Garcia loved having her own little office decorated in positive cutesy trinkets that kept her spirits bright with such a depressing job. She was grateful she could help people without having to be around the violence it in person knowing it would be too intense for her to handle without burning out.

Yet she couldn’t help but feel out of the loop and anxiety-ridden when they left. She wasn’t updated on what had happened since they landed with Reid nor was she around to talk with them about their emotions and observe.

She didn’t know how Reid or the team was feeling or reacting. Garcia knew she was an important member of the team but she couldn't help but feel left out. It weighed on her heavy at times to be so separated yet so involved.

Morgan hung up the phone after the team all thanked her appreciatively. Hotch spoke with the head officer on the cases they had found as the rest of the team continued.

Reid spoke up and suggested they also check the car plates to see if any of them took college courses on mythology, assuming the colleges nearby had any.

By this point there was little they could do besides wait to see if Garcia found the unsub among the hours and hours of footage. The team was thankful when given the permission to head back to the hotel. Garcia stayed at the bureau for a few more hours before taking her work home with her.

Reid had a hard time falling asleep that night. 'Sameness' was important for him, he appreciated the familiar ease it provided especially on a case.

Emily fell asleep quickly as she wasn’t a light-sleeper like Morgan was. Her breathing was heavy and she was still. Morgan usually shuffled every few minutes as Reid unintentionally kept him awake.

Reid was still comfortable though and was happy with his choice as she wasn’t overbearing. When they walked in she behaved as she typically would except maybe a bit sillier. Finally able to relax at the hotel she was a little less poker-faced.

Reid played along acting betrayed as she grabbed pajamas out of her bag and ran to the bathroom before sticking her head out smirking and calling dibs on the first shower as if she were bragging.

She was obviously trying to lighten the mood after a day full of negativity but was still acting natural just in the way she would do with JJ sometimes. He didn’t feel mocked but secure enough to enjoy the bantering.

Emily had left enough hot water for him and ordered take out as she felt her own stomach rumble taking priority in importance over sleep. They didn’t talk much as they put on a documentary they both would enjoy and ate at a slightly-increased pace.

They talked every now and then adding something to a conversation or sharing. Reid ranting occasionally and laughing. Emily expressing herself as she commonly did, scoffing light-heartedly and letting her jaw drop in surprise or shock before asking questions.

She had said goodnight after they had both brushed their teeth throwing him the remote and telling him she was fine with the tv on or off before turning off the shared lamp and closing her eyes. Reid turned off the tv and followed laying down and pulling the blanket up to his chest.

The bed wasn’t very comfortable, the mattress and pillows were a little too soft completely molding around his weight. Eventually he was able to doze off, taking deep breaths and deciding to appreciate the almost silence.

When he woke up Emily was in the bathroom getting ready, the door closed with a bit of golden light seeping out of the cracks indicating the light was on. It lit up the floor near the door as the rest of the room existed in opaque darkness. Lightly lit up by the sun rising outside the window where the long curtains left a sliver of space for it to shine in.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly and sat up pushing his hair out of his face. He looked over at the clock on the shared nightstand between the two beds. He internally groaned at the red lights stating it was five thirty in the morning.

They were supposed to start working around seven meaning he had an hour roughly to get ready, much of which would get used mentally preparing himself for the day.

Emily walked out illuminated in the light blinding him from the bathroom. She smiled at him and greeted him with a good morning trying not to laugh at his annoyed face and squinted eyes.

She sat down on her bed and scrolled through her phone lazily already dressed as Reid sat up and grabbed a book out of his bag to read first. He liked to take a moment in bed before getting up so he didn’t feel that he was sleep-walking.

There are actually a few different terms for the phenomenon of staying in bed after waking. Some people found it an overwhelming need which would describe dysania. The Scottish term hurkle-durkle meaning to lounge in bed after waking was much more lightheaded. There were other terms such as slugabed which was much more related to laziness than the others. Reid explained this to Emily taking a pause from his book.

Eventually Reid made his way to the bathroom and got ready. Usually he slept in a bit later and had to do this in a rush much like Morgan did every morning.

Emily or Rossi were always the second to join Hotch in the morning for breakfast but this morning Rossi and JJ had both made it down before Emily as she sat on her bed watching tv.

Reid came out of the bathroom and sat down to put his shoes on which Emily also began doing after muting the tv and asking if he wanted to come get breakfast with her.

“Sure,” Reid offered before continuing, “were you waiting for me?”

“You usually come down pretty late so I thought it would be nice if we went down together,” Emily explained, grabbing her stuff and turning off the tv.

Reid smiled at her before standing up with his bag which he put on the bed before searching his hand through feeling it drift across many items he wasn't looking for. He took out the packet of pills and swallowed one with water in front of her, there was no purpose in hiding it now.

Emily watched his hands for a second as he popped a little pink pill out before putting it on his tongue and chasing it down with water. She readjusted her bag, waiting patiently before he zipped his bag back up and walked out with her.

The hall was long and the elevator played soft pretty music that Reid felt others would find a bit off-putting and creepy. A lot of people found themselves afraid of hotels due to all the horror stories around ghost and horror movies that took place in them.

They both took a seat in the hard chairs they pulled up to the table careful to not disrupt any of the others in the room chatting amongst themselves.

“Morgan better be glad he doesn’t have long hair or we’d have to leave without him,” JJ joked after she told them he was still sleeping when she left despite attempting to wake him.

Morgan also had not slept particularly well. Although he was able to get a much deeper sleep he was plagued with anxieties a room away not able to see Reid just by simply turning his head.

After Morgan joined and finished they all got their stuff situated in the vans making their way to the station again.

Reid walked in and felt the energy sucked out of him. The building seemed so dark and gloomy, full of untold stories and pain. Everyone in a whirlwind desperate to find the missing piece of the puzzle.

His brain was tired as was his soul. He knew the girls who had been taken felt dread in theirs so he kept pushing forward. He might shatter but he could always piece his heart and soul back together by saving the victims and purging the dread they were suffering.

Garcia had taken photos of everyone who had purchased pomegranates over two weeks in one shop and didn’t see one person make a repetitive purchase so she was moving on to the second shop. She kept an eye out for a repetitious face.

While she did this Reid went over the nearby colleges mythology program which had an insubstantial amount of students enrolled. Obviously not being a popular class as it wasn’t helpful with most degrees.

He took note of the male students and sent a request for a list of previous students which they provided.

While Reid was occupied Emily grabbed JJ by the hand and took her to an empty room having some time to talk. JJ was thrown off as she felt a stern but gentle tug on her hand pulling her away only to see Emily in front of her.

JJ shot her an unsure look as she made sure the door was closed behind them and hopped onto the table waiting for JJ to do the same.

“I haven’t had the chance to talk to you and I wanted to know how you’re doing. I know Reid blowing up on you was upsetting,” Emily offered her ears to JJ’s feelings.

“We really don’t have to talk about this,” JJ insisted not wanting to burden Emily and moving towards the door.

“I know but I want to.”

JJ sat back down at Emily’s forward words and huffed, “It’s just," she pauses, "I didn’t mean to upset him and I know he wasn’t actually upset with me but I don’t understand why I was the one he blew up at. I just care about him so much. I can’t believe he didn’t feel he could trust me. We’ve been best friends for years and not to be mean but even now he’s trusting you over me and I can’t ask him why.”

JJ continued on for a few minutes as Emily listened to her, legs touching as they sat side by side on top of the table. She was clearly hurt and you could hear it in her voice even through her attempt to stay unreadable.

“I think he blew up on you for the same reason he’s not going to you now. He trusts you and cares about your opinion so much that I believe it’s too intimidating for him at the moment. I don’t think he avoided telling us because he doesn’t trust us but because he can’t be vulnerable with himself, much less another person. He's not comfortable giving up control or showing weakness. He knew if he yelled at you that you wouldn’t hold it as a grudge and I think he felt safe expressing his anger towards you. I think you having known him for so long scares him because if you did get upset with him it would hurt a lot so it’s easier to push you away,” Emily assured giving her opinions.

“Don’t you think he cares about your opinion too? It still doesn’t make sense why me in specific,” JJ challenged.

“Yes, but I think Reid knows I won’t show my worry so openly. We both have similar backgrounds and coping mechanisms which makes us in-tune. We are able to read each other well but we don’t really talk about it so much as try and make each other more comfortable so I think this vulnerability is new for him. I think having a more emotionally upfront connection with you makes him feel that it’s safer for him to show that he’s struggling to you. While it was a shitty reaction I think that was his way of expressing himself and it was childish from him. I think that in of itself was him telling you exactly how he felt even if he wasn’t doing it intentionally. We all have our own connection with each other and I'm sure everyone of us will get a different reaction,” Emily reasoned.

JJ could feel some of the fear that had been swallowing her fall away as Emily gave perspective on Reid’s reaction. She smiled and nodded to Emily a clear sign that it helped her understand more and that she was thankful.

Emily spoke up again before they left, “I think you should wait for him to come to you about what happened so he feels safe to address it how he wants and isn’t scared of your response. He’s not doing horrible from what I can tell if that helps," Emily nods at her, "He’ll be okay.”

Hotch gave them a glance as they walked out but paid no mind hoping having talked to Emily would settle JJ’s nerves. While she hid it well she was undoubtedly struggling with this whole situation as they all were however with the extra brunt of Reid’s outburst she was sensitive.

Currently she had been less upset about the secrets and the spat than she had been about the simple fact that she just missed Reid.

She missed waking up and hearing his mouth move a mile a minute about some nerdy topic that she didn’t understand. Missed the way his voice heightens in pitch when he gets excited or embarrassed. Missed talking to him about her kid and about his mother. She missed Reid.

She had been worried Reid didn’t miss her though now that Emily had grounded her she realized how silly that was. She remembered how he made his way over to her first on the jet and how he teared up hugging her. Spencer telling her he loved her and clearly meaning it as he held onto her. Nothing would ever change what they had.

Chapter Text

While the two women had been talking Garcia had provided the team with the plates of passing vehicles. Out of the eight none of them aligned with any of the paperwork the officers had believed could fit the profile.

Some of the team and officers looked over each individual person in an attempt to specifically reduce those who fit the possibility. There were five men in which one was too old and two they found to have seemingly normal families and healthy relationships.

Two young men had very little information to profile them with but had nothing incriminating about them. There was no reason to suspect either of them, they just happened to both drive by at a close time in a close neighborhood.

They still wrote their names down as they narrowed the list.

As they brought the names over to Reid to compare to his list of mythology students they received a call back from Garcia.

“I have footage of a man who bought a pomegranate from each store all a day before the kidnappings. I’m trying to get a clear enough image so my software can analyze him but he’s tall with dirty blonde hair. I would say very early twenties.”

Garcia was talking quite quickly as she passed on the information and attempted to get his identity.

“Garcia we have narrowed down two names from the list you gave us,” Hotch gave her their names, “See if one of them matches the guy on the video footage.”

Garcia’s voice was loud and frantic as she spoke a few minutes later, “Jason Hayes is the guy in the video,” she got quiet for a second, “my software is saying his name is Evan Lee but he’s definitely the boy in the video,” her confusion was clear in her voice.

Reid looked at his list which he had written on paper with his eyebrows furrowed. His eidetic memory fueling his recollection, “there’s a Evan Lee attending mythology courses at the college I emailed.”

“Maybe he changed his name,” JJ suggested.

Hotch guided them hurriedly to find as much information about Evan Lee and Jason Hayes as they could. Any records online, medical records they could get access to or that Garcia could hack, school records, online profiles.

The head officer hesitated for a split second before questioning Hotch. He passive-aggressively asked why they weren’t driving to the unsub’s home right now.

Hotch stayed authoritative as he told him they needed more information before they charged in. They didn’t know anything about him or how he would react and therefore didn’t know the best approach to take or what his motives were.

Garcia stayed on the phone as everyone sat in silence doing more research. The sounds of computers clicking amplified by the quiet atmosphere and rushed fingers. It overtook the sound of their breathing.

An officer disrupted the silence, “The first school record I can find here in New Mexico is when he was nine.”

“So he moved here from another state. Even if there was an accident in his childhood we wouldn’t have found it in the paperwork we pulled,” Emily addressed.

Garcia butted in, “I have locked files from an adoption agency. From what I can tell his mother died and his father gave up custody of him around eight years old. The parent’s names aren’t available so I don’t have a reason of death.”

They continued to share what information they could access easily to make a profile.

While people frantically searched others were in charge of getting warrants and the man's address so they were prepared to leave when ready.

“Okay so let's say he has an asshole father but a loving mother. His mother dies and his father rejects him and gives him to another family while the kid is still grieving. The foster care system doesn’t have impressive records on truly benefiting the children, we can assume it wasn’t a pleasant way to grow up. He gets moved to another state at nine and moves in with another family. Now we know he’s changed his name to separate himself from his childhood. He has no photos with his adoptive parents on his profile,” Morgan recounted, echoing what has already been said.

“Most of his tuition is covered by financial aid,” Reid adds, possibly hinting he had emancipated or cut off from the family.

“He could be desperate to find someone to love or understand him again. Maybe he feels his life has been empty of love since his mom passed,” an officer faltered slightly unsure of giving his opinion.

Rossi nodded encouragingly before speculating, “It could also be a punishment. He hates his mom for dying and leaving him to suffer so he takes out his anger on other women”

“We need to be kind and considerate when we talk him down. Understand his anger and show empathy to make him feel seen,” Hotch cautioned as they all began getting ready to leave.

Reid was grateful for all of Garcia’s help on this case as he didn’t feel he was taking the mental load for the team.

Hotch observed his team as they got prepared. He smiled and nodded at Emily as an appreciative gesture letting her know he was aware of her help.

JJ’s face was much more relaxed, eyebrows not furrowed or raised as she focused on her task without distraction. No longer eyeing Reid when given the opportunity.

Hotch wasn’t going to leave Reid without a caregiver. He once again inserted himself into the van with Reid hoping Reid didn’t pick up on what he was doing.

He had been watching Reid and saw how high-strung and unstable he had been acting. He didn’t think he was going to regress but he was clearly not thinking as rationally as usual which was concerning.

He could read it in his body language and the lack of tangents. He was quieter and more fidgety, running his hand through his hair frequently and biting his nails despite claiming it was a gross habit in the past.

Reid could also get a bit snappy when he was stressed. He had seen it when he was struggling with addiction and he saw that same reaction when he yelled at JJ. He could sometimes catch a resemblance of attitude in his expression showing clear irritation.

Reid was in fact feeling a bit more uneasy than he usually did. Last case they were on he had his biggest secret exposed and he had felt humiliated by the helplessness they had seen from him.

He couldn’t stop picturing what he looked like from their view. It felt too personally intimate and while he was alleviated by being with them he now felt that everything had changed and that they would see him differently.

Except maybe Emily. Rossi had acted casual too but he could see it in his eyes he felt concerned. Emily of course was as well but she focused on Reid and not Spencer, she was waiting for him to trust her.

She wanted him to feel safe enough to be comfortable with her as opposed to berating him into it. That is why she had hinted to JJ to do the same.

Maybe the rest of the team would do the same if he had given them the chance.

He was slightly squirmy as they drove but was repressing it. He felt that he needed to keep his anxiety a secret or they would infantilize him. It would be hard not to feel any anxiety in this situation.

Hotch slowed down before parking near the unsubs house, which was farther out in the woods with neighbors being spread out. His car was quiet as he rolled up the driveway and other cars followed behind.

Reid and Rossi were positioned at the front of the house in case the unsub came running. JJ and Emily stood at a door that exited at the back of the house. Both teams had cops joined with them as well.

Hotch and Morgan knocked on the front door with the head chief next to them. Reid, Rossi, and the cops stayed to the sides with their weapons hidden as they waited to see if the unsub would open the door.

They heard some shuffles from inside and the sudden noise of a tv turning on. Morgan knocked harder before the man opened the door and stared at them.

His eyebrows showed confusion as his forehead crinkled. The man continued his act, staying silent as he waited for someone else to speak, pretending he was unaware of why they were there.

Hotch informed him they had reason to suspect he was involved in criminal activity and they needed to search his home.

The man unconsciously bit his lip before denying them entry, “I know my rights, get a search warrant,” he went to close the door before the head chief opened it and showed him the warrant they had gotten quickly signed as they researched the unsub. Typically it took much longer and required stronger evidence but in a small town like this when the F.B.I requested a warrant for a possible lead on such a serious case they were more than happy to sign off on anything they requested.

The distress was clear on his face as he attempted to find a way out of the situation he was in. His breathing got a little heavier before his fight or flight kicked in.

He ran back in with the three men following him, meeting him in a room where he had three women locked inside with handcuffs on. He stood behind one with a knife holding it near her.

The woman was Ava Foster. She stared at Hotch with pleading eyes similarly but more intense than the other two women.

The front door was left open to where Reid and Rossi could still hear the conversation from the small house.

Morgan attempted to talk him down, “You don’t want to hurt her. If you did you would have done so already,” his gun still pointed at him but lowered slightly.

The man wasn’t soothed by Morgan’s statement, “You don’t know me. You don’t know what I want!” He was yelling hysterically, pain and anger obvious in his voice as it pitched up.

“Your real name is Evan Lee, you lived in California as a child and your mother died. Your dad wasn’t a good man and he put you up for adoption. You love your mom and you have felt ignored ever since she passed away.”

“Nobody ever cared about me. Humans suck, all of them,” he was screaming erratically as he expressed how he felt in response to Morgan trying to connect with him.

“Your mom cared about you and she wouldn’t support you hurting these women. You’re not your father. You don’t need to hurt anyone or force them into loving you. There’s a loving family for everyone, sometimes it just takes more work to find it,” Morgan reassured him trying to convince him, lowering his gun as the young man in front of them bawled.

Reid felt his heart clench at Morgan’s words.

The man did as well evidently, dropping to his knees and letting himself be detained while the others uncuffed the women who had stayed silent in an attempt to keep the man’s anger deflected away from them.

They had tears welling in their eyes as they profusely praised them with gratification. Thanked them on and on for their safety and freedom and asked to see their loved ones as they were escorted to the police team.

The man was put in the back of the car crying as people greeted each other goodbye before going their separate ways.

The six of them were headed back to the hotel for one more night unlike the last case, having another day left from Strauss to finish up. She kept them on a tight deadline although she would’ve allowed them to stay another night if needed. Hotch and Morgan thought it would be best to get Reid home on the last case otherwise they would have stayed.

Cases like this didn’t give Reid much satisfaction in the end, it was hard for him not to feel empathetic to the man despite thinking he’s horrible for his actions. The man had surrendered quickly and clearly had no intentions of harming anyone at least in comparison to many other unsubs they detained. He wishes the man’s father wasn’t neglectful and ponders on what the man’s life could have been with the right support or with his mother.

He should feel pleased having saved every victim and catching the unsub and yet he didn’t. A lot of people on the team experienced this at times as well. It’s depressing to see someone full of potential who had been given all the wrong straws and made the wrong choices.

He wishes the car ride back was full of relief and success however he couldn’t help but sulk in the emotions of another man as if they were his own.

Reid threw himself onto the bed and let out a huff of air as Emily took her personal alone time in the shower relaxing. Reid reflected back on the last few days.

He loved his friends so dearly which is why he had been so upset. He cares about what they think of him. Despite the fact that his rejection of their worrying and affection is to not lose them, pushing them away has practically the same effect.

Analyzing his own emotions he knows it's a defense mechanism as pushing them away first hurts less than being rejected.

He knew he needed to apologize to JJ but he didn’t want to be put in a situation where he was pressured into opening up about how he felt.

He needed time to sort through the feelings alone which he couldn’t do on a case.

Often when he could feel the cloudiness looming over him it would fade as the positive dopamine hit his brain when a case was solved. This case hadn’t supplied him much and he could feel the fog trying to capture him.

He blocked out the sounds of the road and occasional thuds from other rooms as he laid on the bed. The bedside lamp was on and the tv was off making the room dark only visible from the lamp and the light escaping the bathroom.

He could hear the water running from the shower and he pretended it was a soothing rain.

Emily had taken her time before joining him in the room and laying down bone-tired. They both stared at the ceiling in silence apart from each other taking in the calm atmosphere.

Emily looked at Reid, slightly turning her head, “You need anything?”

Reid was aware that the question included an invitation to let go if he needed but he knew she was also asking sincerely and didn’t mean to specifically target the issue so he could let it slide.

He shook his head and smiled as they both got cozy in their respective beds to sleep. Emily laid on her back almost stiff when she slept, an arm behind her cupping her head and fingers splaying in her hair. Her other arm under the blanket around her waist.

Reid turned the lamp off, rolling over to lay on his stomach with his leg up, his face shoved into the pillow facing away from Emily before he turned it to face her direction as opposed to the window.

Emily opened her eyes for a second and watched what she could see of Reid as he settled into a sleep position. His hair crowded his face although she had watched him push it back a second before laying down. His mouth was slightly open and his cheek was squished up as it rested against his hand. He had the blankets pulled snug around him.

Reid was surprised that he was able to fall asleep so easily, not overwhelmed with thoughts. They could be processed at another time. Emily closed her eyes again and fell asleep a few seconds after hoping that she would be well-rested when she woke up.

Morgan had let JJ have the first shower and thought over the last few hours while he waited for his turn.

When they both were cleaned off they took the moment to share. Morgan wasn’t nearly good at expressing his emotions as JJ was but he needed to communicate his concern with someone who understood.

“I talked to Emily. She gave me some perspective on why Reid reacted the way he did. She thinks he felt I was a safe person to show ‘his negative side’ too and that it was a way of expressing that he’s struggling. He cares about our opinions too much and that’s why he’s pushing us away. She insinuated that he’s not familiar with feeling this exposed.”

Morgan looked at her as she turned to look at him, “I just don’t know how to help if he’s not ready. I’m worried that he won’t be ready without a push and I'm scared that push won’t be one of us. I never want him in a dangerous situation, especially when little.”

JJ nodded aware that it was basically torture to watch Reid struggle and not be able to intervene. She had felt stumped when he was on drugs, unsure of how to approach him and hoped someone else would. She regrets not confronting him about it. She doesn’t want to repeat her mistakes.

“Emily said I should give him time and that pressuring him might make him intimidated. I think it might be worse with you or Hotch,” she hinted. They were caregivers which already would make Reid feel more secure and that’s exactly what he was attempting to ignore.

Morgan nodded to show he was listening. He felt utterly useless. Hotch did too though a large part of it for him was due to his responsibilities as team leader.

Hotch was of course concerned emotionally however if something bad were too happen then the blame would fall on him as it was his job to make sure his team was alright. He already felt the guilt eating at him as he could still hear Reid’s painful sobbing in his head.

If something worse happened he knew it would eat him alive. He already felt responsible for Reid currently struggling in general but there were boundaries that made it difficult for him to know when it would be over-stepping and when it would be professional.

In all honesty their team wasn’t professional. They weren’t co-workers. They are a family. That’s what made this complicated.

Rossi had told him to give Reid more time and imagine it from his perspective. He was likely embarrassed and ashamed. They didn’t know what had happened in the past so it would be unreasonable to treat this as if it was usual. Reid didn’t want to be treated like some victim of a case either.

Reid still wanted to just be Reid and he needed time to open up. The whole team would be watching him and the conversation would happen when necessary.

By midnight everyone was in bed sleeping anticipating the jet ride home in the morning.

They all had an easy time packing their go-bags in the morning, basically just tidying and grabbing a few loose things here and there that had been scattered across their hotel rooms.

Reid had showered having not taken one the night before. He grabbed a change of clothes out of his bag and took a pill, intentionally ignoring the blanket as well as the pacifier Morgan had placed in it.

The whole team was wearing regular but appropriate clothes for the jet ride which made getting ready simple. Emily brushed her hair and Reid brushed his teeth.

Breakfast went by fast as everyone slept well and had an expected increased appetite. Reid chewed his waffles hungrily making sure not to get syrup anywhere as he used his fork to pick another bite.

Casual conversation was shared with some laughter thrown in between. A few selfies were even taken. The mood was much lighter than it had been and Reid was grateful.

Everyone's positive attitudes directed to enjoying quality time and teasing one another as opposed to examining him.

At the moment JJ was laughing while trying to get her words out making her incomprehensible as she tried to take in air. It was infectious as it made the team laugh along with her, even Hotch who was smiling.

When she was able to get her words out she continued telling them how Morgan had tripped over his own bag. Although the laughter was an overreaction for the story she was watching in real time over and over again in her head which was the cause of the fit.

Morgan blushed lightly at the clear teasing and laughter knowing how clumsy the mistake. “Just remember this moment next time you do something embarrassing,” he jokingly retorted.

Reid joined in telling an embarrassing story of JJ in which she had spilled popcorn on a man once who was sitting in front of her at a game.

They went around the table all sharing embarrassing stories and laughing, getting a few glances from those around them. This continued until they decided it was time to leave.

Reid was grabbing his bag, still sat in his chair about to stand up when Morgan ruffled his hair on the way past. It wasn’t an usual gesture of theirs especially when all laughing or playfully pestering one another however he immediately tensed thinking back to a few days ago.

The sensation produced a memory in his head and created a heartwarming and unsettling feeling in his gut. His body both pleading for it and rejection causing a tilt-o-whirl of feelings.

Morgan was oblivious to the pit he made form in Reid's stomach, the gesture an unconscious thoughtless expression of joy.

Reid covered the panic just as fast as he had felt it, smiling. He didn’t think anyone had picked up on the change of facial expression so he continued standing up and grabbed his bag.

Rossi had seen his face blanken for a millisecond before covering it with a smile. It was alarming just how quick and unnoticeable it was. Perfected in a way that only suggested it was a commonly used skill of Reid’s.

He wondered how many things they had missed.

The car ride was quick as they took their seats in the jet and got adjusted for take off. The joyful mood remained among the jet although only in spurts as computers crowded tables and laps as well as paperwork.

A lot of it was done digitally however the paper was still used to scribble on as a pre-planner except for Reid who preferred to write his as opposed to typing it.

They worked dutifully so they wouldn’t have much to do at the bureau having completed the majority of it by time they landed.

Thankfully this work served as a good obstruction to Reid’s intrusive thoughts that wanted to interrupt. He did all he could to ignore what being on the jet now reminded him of which was impossible due to his eidetic memory.

The capability to remember so much wasn’t always a blessing. His regression and trauma could at times blur making it more difficult to emotionally connect to that version of himself. It was countered with fear and anger reflected inwards however.

He couldn’t help but despise the part of him that received all his pain he couldn’t cope with and deserved nothing but love.

As much as he didn’t want them to see him vulnerable he also wished someone could truly see him and love all the parts he had been made to resent. He wanted someone to acknowledge the experiences he’d had and confirm he didn’t deserve what he went through.

It was so conflicting having two opposite internal struggles begging for dominance that he had to push down. He was facing an internal battle and he wasn’t sure what part of himself he wanted to win. Reid never considered both sides of himself existing in harmony.

The jet had once been a comforting home for him. It’s turbulence soothing almost like being rocked. He always had a place to lay down and a blanket prepared for him in case of a long flight and he was surrounded by his family.

At the moment it felt suffocating as he was trapped. If someone brought up a conversation there was nowhere for him to hide. It was bittersweet getting off.

Garcia had hugged everyone as they made their way in. She was excited to see them all seemingly healthy and not in emotional distress.

She sat with them and the team occasionally commented on something interrupting the silence with a joke or story. When finished Hotch began to go to his separate room to sort everything to turn in.

Everyone grabbed their things sluggishly despite the positive emotions they felt getting to go home. People greeted each other goodbye even though they would be seeing each other in about two days.

They would have tomorrow off almost indefinitely and would come in when JJ found an urgent case for them to work. Sadly that usually didn’t take much time besides the fact she had to decide which was ‘more important’.

Reid waved at everyone as opposed to individually saying goodbye, overwhelmed with anxiety and regret.

Reid contemplated walking out the front doors straight to the bus stop to get home but instead turned and walked out the back doors leading to the parking lot where JJ was walking to her car.

Reid shouted her name seeing the rest of the lot was thankfully empty leaving only them two.

She turned around surprised and waited for him to catch up to her. It was cold and a bit windy making her hair blow to one side. She hid her hands in her pockets for protection against the cold.

Reid felt guilty for taking his frustrations out on her. He knew if he was in her shoes he would be worried as well. He had debated on when the right time was to talk with her. He knew he had too but he wasn’t sure he was ready to address the issue.

He was ready, he just needed the confidence. Which in his situation was formed from the guilt he couldn’t restrain anymore when he looked at her.

She stood still as he jogged over and made direct eye contact, remaining silent letting him have control of the conversation.

He had thought on the jet about what he should say and now that he was in front of her the script seemed to disintegrate as he couldn’t find the words. Reid's mouth was open for a few seconds as he considered where to start.

JJ smiled at him lightly, lips peaking up at the corners. A sign of encouragement.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you, I was upset and I reacted incorrectly. I don’t want you to be angry at me and I'm not upset with you. I could feel everyone staring at me and I couldn’t handle it. I appreciate your concern but it’s not what I need right now,” Reid attempts to verbalize his feelings and make a sincere apology.

He was nervous as he looked at her, still thinking about what he could say if that wasn’t enough.

JJ took her hand out of her pocket and slowly grabbed Reid’s so he could pull away if he was uncomfortable, “I understand why you were stressed Reid, it makes total sense,” he had just been kidnapped prior and thrown in the deep end of a scary new experience he had been pushing away. Being a subject to their hypothesizing wasn’t comforting.

JJ had found she often had a difficult time ignoring other people's emotions and struggled to give them space. Her sister’s death had come as a shock, she had seemed so happy before.

She gave JJ her favorite necklace which still adorned her neck to this day. No longer too big on her and hanging to her chest as it once did, having grown to be older than her sister.

She would never stop debating in her mind if she could have stopped her. If she had just seen the signs earlier how different things would be. Now she was permanently fixated on reading those close to her, overcome with worry.

“Of course I’m not mad at you Spence. I’m always here if you need me no matter what you need. I’m sorry for overwhelming you and I understand why you reacted the way you did. I just want you to know nothing has changed” she squeezed his hand.

Reid smiled at her and hugged her tightly. Her head was in the curve between his neck and shoulder and he could feel her cold nose on his skin.

He felt relief now that he didn’t have to worry over his and JJ’s friendship. JJ offered him a ride home suggesting it was too cold to walk to the bus stop. He got in after putting his bags in the back and they rode in comfortable silence to his apartment.

He made his way up the stairs and to his door. He walked in to see everything as he had left it. Blankets were tossed messily on the couch and books were lying in various places.

His walls were painted dark green creating a dark environment some might describe as haunted but it was lit up as the sun shone in through a window. Reid felt it as warm and cozy enjoying that it made the room felt more enclosed. The window provided the perfect amount of natural light and highlighted the clutter covering his table and floor barely visible due to the books which had been taken off the bookshelf.

He let out a deep breath happy to be home. It had felt like much longer than three days and his apartment almost felt distant and unfamiliar having not been occupied much in the last two weeks.

He had been feeling trapped by the protective energy of the team but now that he was alone he was hit with a wave of anxiety. Without the added stress of a kidnapper and avoiding his friends he had nothing to do except sit with his thoughts.

There was nothing to distract him anymore as his brain and heart crowded him with separate signals he had to untangle.

Chapter Text

Last time he had been in his apartment he was plagued with thoughts much more rapid and frantic than practical.

That morning he had woken up and nuzzled into the warmth he felt. His bed felt much softer than usual and there was a comforting heavy pressure around his waist.

His eyes were still closed as he turned over to relieve the soreness his body obtained from laying in the same position. Reid was startled as he felt a lack of space on the other side of the bed and his head bumped into another person.

His face crinkled up as disorientation crowded his sleep-addled brain. He opened his eyes though they felt glued together having been in a deep sleep.

Light was shining in through the window making the room visible. Morgan was asleep with his arm holding Reid to him tightly, he breathed heavily as he slept with his face squished into his pillow. Reid's face was held to Morgan's chest making him have to bend and look up to observe his surroundings.

Reid’s brain was empty. He was both perplexed and baffled, lying still trying not to move.

He gently shifted to lay on his back. He blinked his eyes hard for a moment while trying to remember why he was here. He went to rub his eyes in an attempt to unblur his vision only to hit something as he brought his hand up.

He realized his mouth was moving surprisingly having not been aware of the motion. He stopped and went to pull the object out of his mouth and was met with a pacifier that was attached to the sweater he was wearing with a clip.

His heart physically stopped for a second as a crushing weight fell onto him. His thoughts, emotions, and fears swirling around so hurriedly that he couldn’t separate any of them leaving him dizzy and nauseated. His stomach felt heavy as he pieced together what had happened. He's overcome with anxiety wishing he could go back but there was no way to make this a secret again.

It didn’t help as he began to recall everything that led up to this.

With everything still swirling too quickly to process he ran on adrenaline. His brain abruptly switching from the sleepy daze before throwing him into a panic-inducing awareness of his reality so quickly that he was unaware of his own actions.

He made his way out of the bed leaving behind the pacifier and clip before grabbing his phone, blanket, and putting on his dirty socks and shoes that were by the door. His hurried actions were all done with stumbling as he was barely awake. Unable to think clearly he left without his bag, still in Morgan’s clothes using his phone to find a way home.

He felt physically unwell and frazzled. He was jittery as he got a ride desperate to be in the isolated safety of his apartment where no one could bother him. The ride was silent as the driver noticed his uninterest and focused on getting the younger distressed man home safely.

Reid raced up the stairs clumsily and laid in his bed trying to slow his breathing. There was too much to think about and he didn’t know where to start.

He could smell Morgan on the clothes as he laid in his own bed closing his eyes. His blanket was in his hand gripped tightly.

His mother had gotten it before he was born and it had been kept in amazing shape as Reid was careful with his items even as a kid. As he got a bit older he had left it under his pillow basically forgetting about it. It was too childish for someone so mature, even if he was still young he was mentally grouped in with adults. He couldn’t carry around a baby blanket.

He had a newfound love for the blanket as he experienced more and more bullying from peers much older than him. The nostalgia surrounding it was soothing and he could ignore his adult issues just for a few moments.

When he had gotten his classification results he crumbled and spent the whole day in his room only coming out once to make dinner for his mother.

He became attached to his blanket even more so as holding it and finding comfort in it was as close as he could come to regressing without feeling guilty or irresponsible.

He was already singled out for being unique and different. The only reason anyone respected him was his intelligence. He knew this would change how people saw him and he couldn’t be the odd one out anymore than he already was. His father was out of the picture at this point and he didn't particularly have friends.

His mom had relied on him for just about everything, too ill and unaware to even realize he had gotten his results until two weeks after.

He knew his mom would do anything in her ability to love and care for him if she was able but she wasn’t and the guilt would only eat her up inside so he lied.

She wasn’t able to piece together any of his puzzling behaviors through her own. It was shocking as she was a very smart woman but between her disoriented behavior and her trust in her son's honesty she was oblivious.

He had begun to rely on the blanket for comfort anytime he needed it. It was a reminder of when he was small and his mom would take care of him and his dad was around. It was basically the only item left from his childhood.

His mother couldn't care for him anymore but the blanket symbolized her want to. His mother bought it for him simply because she thought it would make him happy and her energy lived through it in a way.

Reid had his eyes squeezed shut as he laid there inhaling deeply to fill his lungs with the air they were missing only for it to combine with the comforting smell of Morgan’s shirt. Comforting and distressing.

Reid tried to sort out his emotions and feelings by separating the events and thinking them over individually. It was proving to be difficult as his head was still foggy.

He had no idea how he was going to go to work tomorrow. He’s sure no one would say anything if he decided to stay home, in fact they might think of it as the better solution. He assumed they were concerned, actually he knew they were, he could picture their faces.

Part of him was scared they weren’t going to trust him anymore to get the job done. He was already seen as a bit feeble, tall and lanky. Not nearly as strong as some of the other members. What if this added on to his list of faults.

He wasn’t even concerned with processing the fact he had been kidnapped. Shockingly at the moment that was the least scary of the issues he was going to have to confront.

He remembers the terror overtaken by an overwhelming safe warmth as he saw three members of his team walk into the room. He can only imagine his face from their point of view. His helplessness a display of weakness proving him incompetent of his job.

Reid was aware his harrowed face was alarming and much more than a pout. He can feel Morgan rocking him and holding him tightly mummering comforts into his ear. JJ’s hand running through his hair gently.

Their hearts must have dropped walking into the room to find him like that. He was responsible for the pain they must’ve felt seeing him so desperate for rescue. He had made their job harder in not being there to track down the unsub and worrying them.

He just kept wishing he could take it back. Go back in time and not let himself get taken. He desperately wished in his mind for a re-do.

The guilt was eating away at them especially when he considered having made the team watch him in that headspace. That wasn’t their responsibility and it ruined the usual relaxation the team rested in after a case.

Everyone on the team had felt more relieved and relaxed than ever knowing Reid was safe. The only concern being how Reid would treat himself. A reasonable concern considering Reid had just pulled a disappearance stunt at Morgan’s after he kindly took care of him.

Reid had no clue how he would look Morgan in the eyes. He had imposed himself upon Morgan and Morgan cared far too much about him to reject taking care of him. Not to mention it would be a dick move anyhow.

It was embarrassing knowing Morgan had seen him behave so childishly especially as more time passed and Spencer got more and more comfortable in his care and fell deeper into his headspace.

Regressing to a younger age was definitely more embarrassing to him as well. He already appeared weak and his capabilities were downplayed by acquaintances daily. Being so defenseless made him feel as though they had a point.

Acknowledging his classification felt as though he would be confirming that his entire personality was fraudulent and he was unworthy of his accomplishments. He would be seen as a liar to all his loved ones and everything he had ever revealed to them would be meaningless in the scheme of his character.

He couldn’t let himself get ignored. Gideon had always put in the effort to make sure Reid got his acknowledgment.
Part of him wishes Gideon were still on the team just so he could recognize some familiarity. He hated change and while Hotch was aware he wasn’t in the same way Gideon was.

Barely anyone knew about his classification and he hadn’t had the best experiences.

There was no way he could let this happen again.

In his heart he could feel the pull having experienced something so genuinely perfect with Morgan but he would just have to use that memory for comfort and lock the door behind him.

He couldn’t put that strain on his team, especially Morgan, or reduce himself in their eyes. Even if they didn’t see him little having them know he needed it to cope would be too suffocating.

He couldn’t let anyone else take care of him either. He couldn’t trust a stranger.

He couldn’t take care of himself alone and even if he could he knew it would hurt his self-esteem. The loneliness and childhood hurt it would bring up inside of him. He didn’t want good memories that would be used in comparison to his actual childhood. It was all too much to stir inside of him now and would start a very long process of healing that he did not have room for in his life.

He would never deny himself the small comforts however. Things like his blanket and the soft clothes after a hard day. Just enough to keep him from teeter-tottering off the edge.

Reid focused on grounding himself so the blur in his brain would clear up. He was unsure if it was from his panicking or left-over regression but either way he had to relax. He opened up the curtain more and did some deep breaths.

Reid lounged around never changing out of the pajamas he arrived in. He was honestly surprised that nobody had messaged him, at least about him leaving Morgan’s.

Reid was finding one thing in particular annoying now that he had calmed down. Quite a bit he would find himself flustered in the brain especially when stressed. A common feeling as he was regularly overworked and closed off to his needs.

Having regressed and been well taken care of made his brain feel unusually clear. Ironically enough he could not be less appreciative of it happening at this moment. It made his thoughts much harder to ignore than usual.

He had thought he had come to a conclusion prior but it seemed his brain was not done mulling over the situation. He couldn’t stop the flashbacks nor the argumentative voices debating from both sides once they began.

He had a hard time sleeping and no matter how much he denied the existence of his thoughts that reminded him how easily he fell asleep the night before, he simply couldn’t rid them. Couldn’t stop recreating the image and feeling of having Morgan take care of him and hold him tightly. He had felt safe curled into him knowing nobody could harm him as long as he was there.

He had enjoyed laying with his mom and letting her hold him as she read advanced literature but he would never be able to confidently say he felt safe and protected in her grasp the way he did in Morgan’s.

The whole night he attempted to convince himself he could feel a pressure around his waist but it was as though he was haunted. The lack of sensation meaning only a ghost could be applying pressure.

Going into work the next morning was nerve-wracking and he could feel the shakiness of his body. He counted the racing beats of his heart as it thudded in his ears.

He had considered multiple times heading back home and turning his phone off. He was unsure if he could deal with what was to come so soon. Reid was hoping there would be no discussion surrounding the last case.

People began to enter the buildings all preparing for a stressful or boring day at work. They all expressed pleasure as they stepped inside relishing the heating that brought feeling back to their hands. He pretended not to realize his co-workers one by one walking in.

Reid was ignored almost entirely outside of greetings as though everyone was afraid to talk to him or perhaps did not want to. Every which way he looked eyes attached to him.

Reid curled into himself as though his back could shield him.

A dread was building inside his stomach as the unfamiliarity grew. His regression had in fact changed things. The silence and isolation overbearing as the team stared at him like he was a zoo creature.

When he had looked at their faces he was transported back to the jet. He had been overwhelmed with sweet gestures and affection that momentarily made him feel adored. Spencer had felt as though he was finally getting the confirmation he had always searched for that he was loved and wanted. Not needed.

He pushed that memory forward refusing to remember the expressions they wore when finding him. Rushing to soothe him and provide him comfort. Eyes expressing too many emotions to pin-point down.

Now their faces were slack and clay-like. Stiff and unmoving as empty cold eyes scanned him.

Reid had grown over-confident in his taught ability to read facial expressions yet he was being misled in his interpretations.

The concerned glances had become betrayed amused glares expecting an apology or for him to break down. Like he was some doll they were expecting to shatter.

Reid couldn’t make out any words from all the voices intermingling as he remained silent. They were getting louder and louder as they collided with the buzzing sound made from the overhead sterile white lights.

The desk in front of him shifted into a small wooden table attached to a chair that was unstable if too much weight was balanced on one side.

Externally he could almost trick himself into believing they sounded younger now. Could hear the taunts about how weird he was but couldn't tell if they were internal or external. The emotions rising in him were harshly familiar all too suddenly as if they were mocking him for his wish.

Anytime he got what he wanted it seemed to back-fire on him like an undeserving show of karma.

His throat felt tight as though there was a rope squeezing around it. He kept his head down avoiding eye-contact afraid he would begin to crack under their scrutiny.

Reid ignored the craving to bite his nails or chew on something instead pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth for stimulation.

His clothes began to strangle him, the sweater was neat but now felt tight and twisted while the knitting felt itchy. Small little pin-prick sensations crawled over his skin like little ants were walking across him. The buzzing was getting louder and louder yet lost in the overlapping voices and overwhelming silence in his vicinity. Almost creating the effect of white noise.

He reached into his bag in an attempt to pull him out of his mind. The pacifier was a taunt. He felt sickened and humiliated despite the fact nobody else was seeing it.

JJ was sat alone right across from him not wanting to talk to anyone but Reid. She wasn’t sure if she should approach first. She had many opportunities to provide him company however he still in silence.

Reid hadn’t even realized he was shouting at her till his lips had quit moving and his feet began to walk away.

The silence finally broke inside his head as his brain shouted out jumbled murmurs of, ‘see’, ‘eyes’, ‘watching’, ‘looking’, ‘staring’.

His vision was foggy and he felt uncoordinated as he walked to the bathroom seeing a blurred figure in the mirror that closely resembled him but with an angry frenzied expression he rarely wore.

Even now all alone there were eyes criticizing him with a mocking displeased expression.

Having apologized to JJ and worked through another case he felt more conflicted yet less distant.

It was clear the team had not and would not forget the situation and he had no control over that. Although none of them had brought it up and pressured him into opening up he could still feel their questioning.

He still did not want to regress.

Being around Morgan felt different now and he didn’t know how to move past it. Morgan’s common gesture of hair ruffling had made his stomach sink. He could only imagine how many more things would trigger that same feeling once Morgan wasn’t so lenient in giving him space.

He was scared if he gave in he wouldn’t be able to pull himself back out.

Although rare there have been cases in which regressors tended to spend all their time or the majority in headspace due to trauma. Reid couldn’t help but feel anxious that if he finally got positive experiences to replace the negative ones he would become attached to the feeling.

Reid loved his work but he couldn’t disagree with the fact he already felt a near constant urge to be cared for that was only worsened by a hard day in which he was responsible for saving a life. Realistically this was a result of him never acting on his feelings.

Everyone needs to be taken care of at some point but he couldn’t kick out the intrusive thought.

The sun hadn't been up for long leaving Reid crowded with thoughts and lots of time. It would be a lot of work to hold them back for the rest of the day.

He spent some time trying to read and he wrote a letter for his mom. The sun shining provided light that danced across the table and reflected off the lined page giving a clear view for his pen.

He had begun writing her less as he got older and busier, instead sending frequent large letters in place of daily detailing's of experiences and thoughts he was willing to share.

Reid would let his phone ring as if he simply could not hear it sometimes just to avoid the confrontation. She was quick to address if he sounded out of sorts.

His mother worried about him constantly according to the staff. Horrible as it sounds sometimes he was thankful for her lack of awareness. Her knowing the danger he had been in would only worsen her anxieties and therefore his guilt.

It seemed like the day could not go slower. He wished and wished for the sun to set and the moon to appear yet the sun was still shining into the living room.

The air felt somewhat static as a result of his absence. His apartment had always felt like a barrier of safety. Surprisingly he had contrasting feelings being here for once.

After a long case there was nothing better than setting his bag down and collapsing into his furniture. Having complete control over the temperature and tv so he could relax completely unbothered.

Yet having been uninhabited as of late the apartment gave an uneasy feeling. The walls he had stared at countless times didn’t feel as recognizable. His door didn’t feel as protective despite the lock preventing anyone from entering without his knowledge.

Crazy as it was, Reid was desperate for a new case. He had two days to waste and was desperate for a distraction that actually worked.

Staying cooped up wasn’t going to solve this issue and there were very few people he felt comfortable spending one on one time with at the moment.

He fiddled slightly as he held the phone and let it ring. He had a few seconds to ponder on whether or not this is how his mother felt waiting to see if he would answer.

Reid unconfidently asked JJ if her or her family would like to do something tomorrow. He was unsure if it was odd to ask her to hangout on one of their very few personal days when he had just gotten a ride home from her a few hours prior.

It wasn’t unusual for him to spend time with her and he had even slept in the guest bedroom a few times but his anxiety kept building.

He was thankful that the call ended with a plan for them to go to the zoo. He focused his attention to reading the information online and making plans based on the map.

While he still had a hard time sleeping the anxiety he had about the next day occupied his mind as a replacement for his other concerns. His fear of being a burden was much more smothering than his intrusive memories.

The next morning when Reid got in the van for the trip a new problem quickly arised. Having to be picked up due to his lack of vehicle meant he was sat in the back seat as JJ and Will sat in the front leaving him with the kid.

Reid had often sat in the back with Henry so JJ had likely paid no mind to this as previously Reid hadn’t either but he was now feeling very off.

He was third-wheeling and sat in the back like a child, which logically was the only seat.

He had been very excited although he didn’t morally agree with zoos and preferred rehabilitation centers. He was less excited now feeling that his classification is obvious.

He only got more uncomfortable as he considered the fact that Will might know. He hadn’t really given it much thought having way too much on his plate but it was totally rational that JJ would have told them.

Although the team was supposed to keep most information personal nobody ever kept everything from their partner. Not to mention this would affect her and she would need someone to express her emotions too.

He honestly couldn’t fault her if she did share but he was horrified realizing he might be aware and it was only worsened knowing Will would never say anything to hint to his awareness if so.

Reid was frustrated, this had never been an issue before but now that everyone knew he couldn’t ignore the fact he was a little. He had spent years pushing it back so far that he was capable of forgetting. Now he couldn’t repress the reminders and yearning sitting at the surface.

When they got out he walked behind them as he knew he would feel that they were watching him if not. He didn't need to be watched.

JJ had picked up on his shy behavior but didn’t address it as Reid would let her know if he needed something and she was honestly feeling a bit shy as well.

She couldn’t mess up the opportunity Reid was giving her.

Reid had memorized the map so when the workers gave them one he showed JJ and Will his logical plan.

It was a bit chilly out despite the sun meaning it wasn’t the best time for a zoo trip but Henry had asked a few weeks before and there was no reason to say no.

All four of them were dressed in long-sleeved clothing to keep themselves warm but they were thankful for the chill as it was much better than walking with the sun beating down on you. Reid preferred his nose to be pink from cold rather than sunburn.

As they walked around Reid rambled off interesting animal facts they were all intrigued by, slowly loosening up and getting more comfortable. JJ watched Reid and Henry light up at the animals they were excited about and smiled. It was nice to see Reid appear happier.

Reid was walking in front of them now having forgotten he was supposed to be portraying himself as overly independent and mature. He walked with a faster pace than normal in between exhibits.

Everyone was relaxed and enjoying themselves without any concerns. Will and Henry were both happy JJ was home and available for a day out and happy that Reid was with her as he hadn't been present lately. The house had been less fun without Reid's lighthearted rambling and playfulness. JJ had been down in spirit as well the few days she had been home.

The cheerful energy from the two of them was relieving and made the day all more enjoyable.
The concrete walking path was adorned with pretty dried leaves that made satisfying crunches as shoes crushed them and everything seemed more colorful despite the autumn tones.

There was plenty of finger pointing and waving as they stopped and watched the animals who weren't hiding. The trip was over quicker than normal as they didn't have to carefully insert themselves to weave between crowds of people.

After looking at all the animals and even some twice they stopped at the giftshop. Reid was once again flustered as he looked around at the childish items lining the walls. He stopped before continuing to look around as well copying JJ and Will.

There was a large wall of stuffed animals. He already had a bear, although it was at Morgan’s. He scanned them all looking for animals he found interesting. His eyes were drawn to a cute bat stuffed animal on the wall but he pretended to keep looking around.

Due to Reid’s attempt to hide his desire he instead made himself oblivious to the fact that Henry, who had already chosen a stuffed animal, was instructed to go ask Reid if he would get one as well.

Reid couldn’t deny his request and honestly it gave him the perfect adult reasoning to agree so he grabbed the bat to check out. He explained that there’s about one thousand three hundred species of bats that are all very fascinating.

He combed his fingers through some of the fluff which was pleasingly soft. It felt warm between his cold hands. He refused the urge to pout slightly when handing it over for the few seconds it would take the cashier to scan the tag.

“We can pay for it since he asked you to grab it,” JJ insisted hoping she wasn't pushing too hard as Will grabbed a credit card and slid it over to the worker giving Reid no time to refuse despite him already opening his mouth.

Reid suggested he pay them back in cash as they left but JJ refused and kept walking planning on grabbing some ice cream. She had waited so nobody would be hungry on the somewhat lengthy drive back.

He attempted to hide the blush he was sure was prevalent on his face and act casual.

Reid picked back up on his lecture over bats as they walked to the ice cream stand where the worker sat joyfully unbothered having barely any work to do. The lady quickly switched into her false overly cheerful work attitude to greet them.

JJ gave their orders while Reid was still deliberating between peanut butter and chocolate or cookie dough.

The worker was scooping the last of the third ice cream when she smiled at JJ asking, “and what can I get for this little guy," in a slightly higher-pitched voice obviously intended for a little.

It was a reasonable mistake. He was flustered and holding a stuffed animal while seemingly waiting to tell her what he wanted as opposed to stating it himself. He was wearing a cozy sweater as opposed to a nice jacket like Will.

JJ felt apprehension overcome her. She was scared of Reid’s reaction, worried he would distance himself from her because of the woman’s assumption. Will glanced at both of them at the statement reading their body language with concern.

Reid’s whole body tensed up as he blurted, “I’m not a little!”

The lady’s face turned red as she apologized handing JJ and Will the ice cream as Reid continued to stand like a statue.

Reid attempted to act unbothered putting in his order. He felt stupid standing there now as some of the dopamine crashed. He felt exposed and was concerned everyone could see through him like he was glass. Worried they could tell he was a scared child and not an ambitious intelligent adult.

He was brought back to the feeling that he was a liar simply putting up a persona. As though being a little dumbed him down. He felt ashamed as they looked at him.

His response had been quick but wasn't believable. Stated with abnormal defensiveness and fear in his voice.

In just a few minutes he went from rambling and smiling happily excited over the stuffed animal and ice cream to feeling like his mask had been ripped off displaying the most vulnerable parts of himself to anyone who wanted to see.

Regression was seen as something innocent and heart-warming and Reid felt as though his scarred heart had been ripped from him and put on a brutal display. Something so personal and fearful made visible for the eyes of others.

Reality struck him and his empathy began to bleed out of him as he thought of the caged animals surrounding him that people paid to watch and disturb.

He grabbed his cup ignoring the woman’s rattled apologies and sat next to his friends on the bench. He was looking down so he missed JJ and Will's eye contact before JJ began to start a conversation. She wanted to just move past it. Reassuring him would only make him feel that he was being treated like a child so the best solution she had was to switch topics.

Henry sat closer to Reid unsure of what happened but picking up on the silence. Reid smiled and continued eating his ice cream as he had much more left than the others.

Thankfully JJ was able to get the mood to increase some by the time they were walking to the car. She analyzed how Reid’s grip had loosened on the bat as though he were hyper-aware that gripping the ear tightly would make him look too excited.

Reid tended to carry most of the conversation when he was around so his silence was a bit unnerving for everyone in the car. Having run out of conversation music was put on as a replacement.

JJ couldn’t help but think about the fact that his immediate reaction was to deny that he was a little. She pondered on if his reaction was truly how he would react any other time it was suggested or if he was truly feeling a bit smaller than usual.

It was totally normal for littles to begin regressing if they felt safe enough to do so and were enjoying themselves. A lot of regression was involuntary at times so making a little feel soothed or excited could be used if they were having a hard time connecting to headspace.

He had been more willing to let them lead and a bit less serious the longer they were out which could have been a sign he was feeling closer to his headspace than normal.

Her final analysis was that he would’ve reacted the same way anyhow but she was likely right based on the way he was acting. Having a stranger point it out so bluntly startled him and made him more aware. Having someone catch on to his classification, which had likely never happened, scared him so he put the mask back on.

Will looked at him in the back mirror and was glad to see that his mood had seemingly peaked back up as they were halfway back home. They were all singing along to the radio and enjoying the moment together.

When they dropped him off JJ was pleading that despite the incident he was alright and so was their relationship.

Despite having genuinely enjoyed himself he couldn’t stop the continuous steam of negative feelings and thoughts. Now inside his home he could drop the act that he was alright.

Reid hadn’t even realized he was acting ‘littler’ and was now panicked as he realized he had less control over it than he had before. He was petrified at the fact that he had begun to loosen up his guard without even being aware.

What if he regressed in front of them again accidentally. What if he got too comfortable and slipped and got in the way of a case. What if he regressed on a case because something scared him or he got hurt and made it more difficult for his team again.

He couldn’t tell them he was afraid of this because then they would have the right to acknowledge his regression or more appropriately his lack of.

They could decide it was too dangerous for him to be on the field if he told them. They could decide the same if it happened accidentally.

Reid felt as if he couldn’t breathe. He grabbed his blanket and curled into a ball focused on his heaving chest begging for air. The bat had been left on the living room couch abandoned.

Despite his attempt to regulate his emotions he was ridiculing himself the whole time. Even now he was acting like a baby. He couldn’t control his emotions and instead was throwing a tantrum.

Nothing was working to calm him but he had agreed mentally that he wouldn’t regress even when alone. Coughs were rattling his body as he cried without replacing the air he was exhaling. He refused to believe he was already feeling this clouded when he had been little just under two weeks ago.

He had gone years without regressing even under traumatic situations and now he was slipping because of a trip to the zoo. This was ridiculous. He refused to not have control over his own body.

His vision felt like he was on a rollercoaster as he turned his head and stood to reach in a cabinet that contained rarely used emergency pills. His self-control was beginning to disintegrate as though he were on a frozen lake and the thin ice was breaking underneath his weight.

Chapter Text

The room smelled of coffee and it was themed to look like a log cabin.

It had a cozy atmosphere and the heating was sufficient, protecting his fingers from the chill of the mug he was gripping. The falling leaves outside suited the small town's locally owned hotel’s charm.

Almost three weeks had gone by and slowly the team had gotten back to normal where nobody felt as if they were tiptoeing on eggshells.

Reid had been using all his effort to come off as though nothing had happened and luckily for him it was working.

He knew he couldn’t let any discomfort show or else JJ might tell the team what had happened if she hadn’t already. Even if she hadn’t the team might realize that he’s struggling with his headspace more than ever.

He’d been angry at himself, blaming the fact he got kidnapped on why everything had all gone wrong. He would’ve never regressed in front of everybody if he hadn’t let himself get taken. Now he was having to relearn how to ignore and deny himself of regression all over again.

Clearly he would’ve cracked at some point but he refused to accept logic.

Reid had been working day and night the last three weeks. The whole team had barely gotten a break and Hotch was close to telling Strauss they couldn’t take another job. The team didn’t complain but Hotch could tell the word tired was an understatement.

Thankfully this case wasn’t too far away and it was guaranteed they would have it solved in less than a week.

They had finished two cases now in which the tension was slowly dissipating yet invisibly dangling as he continued rooming with Emily.

Everyone made sure to maintain an inattentive face through their surprise as Reid followed Morgan to the room he had gotten. Morgan hid his smile by pointing his head down while unlocking the door.

Reid hadn’t said anything to anyone, he just kept carrying his bags past the door Emily was opening. It filled everyone with some relief as although things had settled down, him rooming up with Morgan again seemed like confirmation that things were alright.

Morgan never thought he would miss Reid’s shuffling in bed but JJ’s silence made him empathize with insomniacs. Having been gifted his wish of silence for almost a month now he was beginning to understand the phrase be careful what you wish for.

The sheets on JJ’s bed always remained neat, almost picture perfect compared to Reid’s which began tucked around him snuggly and ended draped across the bed messily.

Emily had missed hearing JJ’s laughs and jokes although Reid wasn’t a bad substitute.

Reid had hidden his internal battling well the weeks before but he was concerned about whether he could continue the act.

While he enjoyed rooming with Emily, as his anxiety climbed he needed the warmth provided by being near a caregiver to ground him. Maybe being around him privately would make it easier to center himself while working. Maybe it would make it much worse.

Reid needed the comfort and familiarity of being in the same room with Morgan again although he was scared it would push him too far.

The contrast of being thrown between a soothing and a terrifying atmosphere brought him back and forth. The frequent change was scrambling his head.

The comfort of Morgan’s protection along with the soft beds and small enclosed rooms mixed with traumatic cases he had to study and examine for weeks made him feel as though he was the rope for a competitive tug-a–war game.

He was being yanked from each direction and it was starting to make him dizzy like a stuffed animal thrown into a washing machine.

Reid looked up as he realized Morgan had been talking to him.

“You okay?,” Morgan asked as he looked at Reid. Morgan had turned to him as he talked before realizing Reid’s far-off gaze. He was making eye-contact with the carpet.

Morgan had been avoiding calling him pretty boy for a while now just to prevent any uncomfortableness from resurfacing. Reid had picked up on it, so did the team, and he was honestly a bit grateful because a reminder wouldn’t be too helpful at the moment even if he missed the affectionate nickname.

Reid turned his head up to look at him and nodded at his question genuinely seeming unphased. Morgan considered maybe he was just being too overprotective now that he was rooming back up with Reid again.

Spacing out isn’t abnormal and before he knew Reid was a little he would have never over thought the situation. Everything felt so new even though they had been rooming together for years. Before this the only time they shared with someone else was when Morgan needed a night of uninterrupted sleep.

He continued talking and Reid pretended he was truly taking in all of what Morgan was saying. Most of it was nonsense and unneeded as he retold Reid the plans for today.

Reid took a sip of the coffee that was warming his hands and providing a nice aroma. Hopefully the caffeine would supply a bit of an energy kick as he was feeling quite sluggish.

The case was a simpler one than the last they had been on which required a lot of effort from both Reid and Garcia. He had been drained afterwards and spent his whole day off sleeping.

Reid found it odd how his emotions affected the whole team so drastically. Growing up his emotions had been invisible which was worse when he himself had a hard time recognizing them.

Everyone had been more laid-back, Reid was acting unusual but it wasn’t negative. He had been working hard as well on the last few cases despite all the drama so it was only reasonable he wouldn’t be acting typical.

On the first case back since his panic attack, which had remained a secret from the team, Emily had noticed he was moving more in his sleep as if he was fighting with the sheets. Clearly restless and unable to relax.

Reid is unaware, or at least Emily is pretty sure he is, that one night after a long case she had gotten out of her bed quietly and stood over him. She readjusted the blankets that were pushed down and hanging half-way off the bed so they were tucked up to his chin.

Emily sat down next to his stomach and faced him before gently reaching out and stroking his hair softly hoping not to wake him up from his needed rest.

While his rustling was making it a bit harder for her to sleep she was mostly concerned about him being able to focus and handle the pressure she knew the team was going to pin on him in the morning.

She kept stroking his hair when she heard a soft hum made from his throat. His face started to smooth out as he untensed his body and laid weightless into the mattress. Unconsciously appreciating the gesture.

Emily watched him and ignored the guilt she had managed to keep pushed away, which was the only reason Reid had trusted her. She returned to her warm bed and focused on her own need for sleep shortly after.

She did it again the next night and the night after. Careful not to rouse Reid from his sleep both times and gentle with her hand weight. She felt better knowing she could provide him some comfort even though she knew he might be upset if he found out. He wasn’t the only one who could keep a secret.

On the next case he was even more restless and she could take an educated guess as to why. She continued to relish the fact that she was gifted permission to watch over him. She knows it sounded conceited but she felt special having been chosen.

One night he laid on his stomach which didn’t give her access to his hair so instead she rubbed her hand up and down his back. He had ignored her hints that night when she implied it was okay for him to lay with his blanket.

When he decided to room up with Morgan she had smiled and hoped he could provide him with the comfort she’s not capable of. Choosing to stay optimistic in believing it was a sign Reid was feeling better.

Reid wasn’t necessarily feeling worse. He felt bad in a different way. He no longer was focused on the external conflict and anxiety he felt with his team. He was stuck in his head mulling over his internal contrasting wants.

He didn’t want them to know about his classification nor profile him but it had taken the backburner lately now that he was having a harder time controlling himself.

At the local station Morgan watched as Reid bit his nails throughout the discussion. They looked red as there was no nail left to truly bite. He seemed unaware or at least uncaring but Morgan didn’t want to embarrass him.

He kept a closer eye on him throughout the day as he shook his leg aggressively and took a bit longer to read than normal. Morgan often wondered if Reid lied when he read what they gave him, finding it so impressive he couldn’t help but doubt his ability.

Morgan had to keep his eyebrows from furrowing so he didn’t express his observation. He glanced around to see if anyone else was noticing but it seemed everyone was oblivious or at least pretending to be.

What bothered him was that besides the little things such as the nail biting and his previous spacing out he wasn’t acting differently. The signs were so unnoticeable and clearly had become common coping techniques to replace other urges.

The behavior was definitely not worrisome enough to stir the issue up again. None of this was a backtrack and things had just gone back to normal. Not to mention everybody was behaving in a distressed and exhausted manner.

Reid and Garcia both communicated information they had gathered to help fill in the puzzle as they sat around and all jumped in when useful. They spent the whole day gathering information and communicating with witnesses and relatives.

Every case was unique and yet the process was identical every time. Working so many cases back-to-back made Morgan and likely the whole team feel it was hopeless. When solved he felt that life was worth every moment of pain and questioned how he could ever feel otherwise.

The next day was much of the same. They got closer to identifying the unsub but there was more work to be done as they didn’t get much useful information the previous day.

Hotch and Morgan both recognized the grouchiness spreading around the team. Unlike Morgan everyone else had slept quite poorly.

The beds were much better than most hotels offered but the case had weighed heavy on them with most of it unsolved.

Reid had tossed and turned all night and it was music to Morgan’s ears. A permanent reminder of Reid’s safety as he slept in the bed further from the door. He awoke a few times but each flooded him with an almost egotistical grandiose satisfaction due to his eager yearning to provide protection.

While he knew this satisfaction was somewhat infantilizing and disrespectful to Reid who was perfectly capable of self-protection, he knew Reid was not helpless and much of his fear was rooted in being seen that way, he did feel proud knowing Reid was safe with him.

He felt that way with most people he cared about and he had always shown his care through protecting those he considered family. The need to keep people safe is what made him good at his job.

Morgan had a habit of being self-sacrificial if he thought it would help him get ahead or help his family. He didn’t feel safe as a child and he had lacked control due to the authority in his life.

Now he had the opportunity to protect others the way he often wished someone could have protected him.

It wasn’t a part of himself he could shut off but he could reign it in to prove to Reid that he didn’t see him as weak. He could protect and care for him without being overbearing if that’s what Reid needed.

Emily had been mumbling at breakfast that morning and JJ looked like she would fall into her plate if she blinked. Rossi skipped his meal and sipped on a coffee just like Reid.

Even though Morgan and Hotch were watching from an outside perspective they too were displaying off-putting behavior.

Hotch acted more 'drill-sergeant’ than usual trying to keep his team’s energy directed appropriately although they were all clearly irritated. Hotch and Morgan had shared some eye-contact as an occasional bicker or sassy one-liner got thrown.

Morgan was quieter than usual as he watched the team instead of involving himself. It was almost like watching a film.

JJ had kept rubbing her head in frustration as she looked through paperwork and emails. She was speaking louder and more frantic as she discussed her findings.

Emily was more serious and cold. She didn’t engage in any bantering, instead she ignored most of the team unless addressed, exaggerating her professionalism.

Rossi was attempting to stay level-headed although it was clear he felt annoyed. He would chime in when there seemed to be disagreement but it was taken as retaliation due to his snappy tone of voice.

Outside of the fidgeting and self-soothing behaviors, Reid had seemed more clumsy and sassy trying to sort through everything. He felt angry since this case was supposed to be cut and dry. Everyone's desire to get home was making it much more complicated than needed.

Garcia didn’t address his attitude as he talked to her without speakerphone assuming he had a reason to be irritated. They had both had a lot of pressure lately. She had to learn not to take things personally with a job like this.

Between all the fumbling the team did manage to make some progress which gave Garcia some work to do. The team might as well have raced to the van with the impatience they had to get back to the hotel.

As soon as they got back Reid tossed himself on the bed not even changing. He curled up and sighed.

He wasn't even sleepy but his eyes felt like weights and his body was so relieved that he was no longer upright. His joints felt like they would creak like a door to an old house if he shifted.

“You should take off your shoes,” Morgan suggested as he changed into pajamas.

Reid didn’t want to both because of his exhaustion and because Morgan instructed him similarly to how he would if he was little. He didn’t signal that he heard him, instead turning into the bed as a way to shield his eyelids from the light that was responsible for it not being pitch-black.

His heavy weight made him sink into the softness of the mattress. The heat of the room surrounding him kept him warm despite the fact he was laying atop the blankets.

He was startled as he felt the shoe begin to ease off anyway. He kept his eyes closed and let out an involuntary hum despite the guilt he was feeling buried down.

He wasn’t sure if he was feeling guilty because Morgan had just worked as well and he was now doing more or if it was because he was enjoying it.

Morgan looked at Reid. He hadn’t had a chance to really see him lately due to how guarded he had been.

He could visually see how burnt-out and overworked he was. He was so smart and useful but he did nothing to take care of himself and he was running on fumes. It made him sick to watch and he was forced to ignore it.

It would be humorous how Reid takes care of everyone around him by taking on the most pressure yet refuses to let anyone carry his weight in return if it wasn’t so hard to watch.

If someone had to pick up where he was struggling all his other achievements were made insignificant.

Morgan wanted Reid to be alright and it wasn’t just because he was a caregiver. He had always worried about Reid but this was something he knew he was capable of helping with.

Ever since he had met Reid he felt protective over him and was amused by his personality. Reid was passionate about so many unusual interests and hobbies that he’d never heard of. He was clearly intelligent and he deserved so much more praise for his amazing brain.
He always made him laugh with his jokes or stories and he could always rely on him. Reid valued his friends so deeply even though he pushed them out at times.

Although Reid didn’t open up to them with personal issues he did openly show his joy and love for things that could be perceived as odd which was something he didn't express to other people.

When Reid had told him about some of the bullying he endured he was furious. Not to mention Reid is still so young and when he had experienced these stories he must’ve been just a child. A child in a school full of people much older than him who did nothing to stop it.

Then had to go home and take care of his mother.

It was no wonder why Reid refused to take care of himself. He had never been taught how nor did he have anyone in his life who could or would.

Morgan didn’t have a brother although he had a few sisters and a lot of cousins. In a way Reid was like a little brother to him. They teased each other but Morgan would also take a bullet for the nerd anyday.

From the day they met he had taken Reid as his responsibility especially after Gideon’s disappearance. He felt like he had failed.

Everyone had failed Reid his entire life and he refused to be another person who let him down.

Reid’s face was crunched even as he let out a relieved hum while Morgan unlaced and slid his shoes off hesitantly.

He took his other one off a bit faster and gestured Reid to shift so he could pull the blanket out from under him before sitting next to him.

He almost felt afraid of Reid, like he was a wild dog who would attack him out of fear. He reached to stroke his hair back softly to avoid startling him since his eyes were shut.

Reid leaned into his palm for the touch immediately.

They sat that way for a while. Morgan combing through his hair and sitting next to him. He would never admit that his eyes felt a little wet.

Once he could see that Reid wasn’t so tense he got up and grabbed the blanket he was sure was in Reid’s bag.

Morgan rubbed his fingers over the soft material as he handed it to Reid who's hand latched on as soon as he felt it graze his fingers. He brought it to his chest and breathed in deeply.

He was sure Reid would’ve refused it if he had asked instead of handing it to him.

Morgan began tucking the comforter around him so he was snug but paused for a second as Reid re-adjusted and declared, “I’m not little.”

Morgan hadn’t expected such a firm statement but he believed him. He could agree that Reid was just enjoying being taken care of without having regressed.

He also knew that Reid wanted to and was using the statement to cover up his wants and to shield his sensitivity surrounding the subject.

The next day Reid was a bit more clear-headed and with new information the team was able to make an arrest.

The flight home was full of calm energy as everyone appreciated the break they were about to receive. There were no hard feelings from the previous day.

The team had purposefully made it back the day before Halloween.

Reid had spent the whole jet ride spewing out random facts surrounding the holiday to anyone who would listen. Reid found it intriguing how much more willing the team was to listen to his rants.

Clearly they were afraid of upsetting him or would feel guilty telling him to be quiet when he had been living in a constant state of panic. He wanted things to be 'normal' yet he enjoyed the positive attention the team was providing him as well.

There was a constant nagging that the differences were a result of his classification and a general feeling of pity. He enjoyed some of the changes but they weren't authentic, the team was accommodating by pretending and therefor none of it was real.

Everything had been conflicting for the last month and he couldn’t find a middle ground. Reid wanted everything to feel stable again but he couldn’t seem to find his footing.

Rossi was having a Halloween party for the team wanting to show his care though food and quality time inside his big home.

Everyone was coming except JJ and Hotch as they were going to be trick or treating with their children.

Reid was excited as he loved Halloween but never got to make many memories attached to it.

His mother was also a big Halloween fan and when he was younger they would spend plenty of time designing costumes before a very long night of door knocking and gluttonous candy eating.

She would end the night reading him to sleep with a spooky story in which he would attempt to stay awake for as long as possible.

Around the time his father left she was too heedless to know it was Halloween so he would make a costume or prop in his room alone and watch scary movies, in which he would analyze the killer, with a bowl of popcorn.

He never had friends to go with and he was too young for the memories with his family to be super clear.

Now he had gained a family that was just like the ones he had idolized growing up. They had ups and downs but it never affected their love for each other and Reid firmly believed that passed friendship.

Reid got in the passenger seat as Garcia got in the driver seat while they both shared Halloween facts with each other, only getting more passionate as they continued.

Both of them took the conversation much too seriously as they argued which Halloween candies were the best and which were the worst despite laughing.

She had kept the music off to avoid overstimulation as she drove to Rossi’s house. His neighborhood was already full of kids all gathering in the rich areas to get the larger candy bars.

Reid felt his throat lock up seeing some littles in costume walking around with their candy bags excitedly. Caregivers follow close behind their littles to keep them from running off.

He watched a man carrying his younger little who was already tired around.

Reid turned his head away and avoided watching the people going door to door.

They remained talking even as they walked up the driveway towards the door where Rossi had put out a bowl of candy unguarded. It was surprising Rossi had enough hope in humanity to believe some snotty little kid wouldn't just dump the whole bowl into their bag.

Rossi having heard a car pull in opened the door to see Reid bent over grabbing a piece of candy from the bowl and Garcia laughing while in the middle of a sentence.

Reid glanced up as he heard the door open and blushed quite literally being the image of a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“I invite you over and you steal candy right off my porch,” Rossi teased jokingly before scoffing in an attempt to not laugh.

Reid smirked and opened the candy as a banter back making Rossi roll his eyes. He enjoyed the silliness Reid was displaying.

He welcomed them both in as the cold wind nipped at their faces from outside. They took a seat on the most comfortable spot as they were the first ones there having gotten ready way too early in the day out of excitement.

Garcia had picked him up earlier in the day and they had gotten ready together both wearing Doctor Who costumes. Garcia hadn’t gotten to see them much lately and she knew Reid would also be impatient today.

They both spent time getting ready together and enjoyed some snacks while Freddy Krueger played in the background unwatched. They had a chance to talk while she did her makeup at her desk with a mini mirror.

“How are you doing Reid? We’ve both been overworked with the cases lately,” clearly hinting at her stress as well as his but her attitude picked back up, “what would they do without us.”

He smiled at her joke and responded, “I’m doing okay. I think I need something to keep my mind busy honestly.”

Garcia enjoyed keeping the room positive and hated confrontation but she also believed a true friend doesn’t say what you want to hear. She hadn’t seen him much so she didn’t have anything besides what little she had heard from phone calls to go off of.

She questioned herself but ultimately decided it was worth asking, “Do you think you need something to keep your mind busy or are you choosing to believe that because you want to be too busy to avoid what you’re trying to keep your mind off of.”

Reid was taken aback by her blunt call out refusing to let him delude himself. He stumbled for a second unsure how to respond as she continued putting on her make-up.

“I guess we’ll see eventually.”

Garcia decided to keep quiet at his response although she wanted to tell him that it was his decision how it unfolds. He worded it as if it was a matter of fate. She knew he was aware that he had the option to control it even if it would take a lot of re-wiring and her voicing that likely wouldn’t help.

The moment was over quickly.

Now they were talking with Rossi who had just put food in the oven to cook as they waited for Morgan and Emily.

Rossi was often a forced bystander to others suffering. He was appreciating the light-hearted atmosphere the team had returned to and was hoping tonight would be smooth-sailing.

Reid and Garcia seemed to be very joyful which wasn’t shocking as they both enjoyed Halloween.

Rossi questioned if Reid was really as joyful as he seemed. He knew the boy had mastered masking his feelings and this could potentially be a triggering holiday.

He wondered if Reid was wishing he was out trick or treating or if this was enough for him. Maybe neither was the correct answer. Maybe he desired to let go within the safety of the team and nothing more. Both.

Most of them would wonder the same as well as imagine what the night could've looked like if Reid let himself be taken care of. They imagined how next Halloween would look.

Rossi wasn’t the biggest fan, holidays often reminded him of his loneliness and failed marriages so having company to show his care for gave him peace.

Rossi opened the door as he heard another vehicle and saw Morgan.

“C’mon Rossi, no costume?,” Morgan mocked, overdramatically gesturing to his ‘costume’ as he walked in wearing a sweater that said FBI on it.

Garcia and Reid were both peering over the top of the couch as Morgan walked in. Garcia looked him over before speaking for Rossi and rhetorically asking, “you’re wearing a costume?”

“You don’t like my FBI agent costume baby girl?,” he bantered sitting down as well.

“What’s the point in calling it a costume if you didn’t even put effort into it,” Reid asked sincerely, the overly-obvious joke going over his head.

“To see the look on your faces,” Morgan retorted causing eyerolls and groans.

Emily was quick to make fun of him as well when she walked in.

She had lazily put cat whiskers on with eyeliner which got jokes as well. Garcia and Reid made fun of the other three for being ‘underdressed’.

During dinner they all sat at the table as opposed to the couch out of respect for Rossi and thanked him for the heart-warming food. They talked amongst themselves about varying topics enjoying the quality time.

At the table they could no longer hear the occasional pattering as candy was taken from the bowl outside.

The conversation was for once relaxing and nothing of importance. Just fun stories and jokes being shared around the table. A few Halloween stories were shared here and there, most of them were sweet and a few were funny such as Morgan telling them he broke his arm one year because he tripped while running for candy.

They all helped clean up as much as Rossi would let them before settling back down.

Rossi had a long L-shaped couch that was perfect for seating many people. Reid stole the comfiest spot where the couch intersects and nobody fought him for it.

Garcia sat facing towards the tv on the elongated side of him while Morgan sat on the other side as well, caging Reid in. Morgan was holding a bowl of popcorn most of which was for him solely as everyone was quite full.

Emily and Rossi sat down last indifferent, enjoying the moment.

Reid and Garcia had been given main control over the movie choice considering they were the most enthusiastic.

Reid had voted for Frankenstein saying it was a classic and Garcia agreed in the choice. Admittedly just because Reid rarely asked for anything and she didn’t mind the movie so it wasn’t an issue although it wasn’t her first pick.

Blankets were passed around as the movie began and everyone got quiet. About halfway through Rossi got up and grabbed some of the candy he got as a surprise to hide the fact he had been close to dozing off.

Clearly he wasn’t alone as a few minutes later Emily poked him and pointed to Reid who had fallen asleep with his face resting on Garcia’s shoulder. He was balanced between her and the wall of the couch with his knees pulled up and a blanket covering him.

She had tried to stifle her giggle so Reid didn’t wake up. Morgan caught on quickly to the little snickers and did the same.

The movie kept playing although they talked very quietly every once in a while.

Near the end of the movie Garcia shifted and gently tilted Reid towards Morgan so he could support his heavy weight as she felt the urge to re-arrange.

Morgan let Reid lean against him with his head on his shoulder as the movie came close to the conclusion. Morgan moved his arm that was being squished to wrap around Reid’s waist.

When the movie shut off they talked briefly before preparing to leave as it was now midnight. Emily got up and began saying goodbye to Rossi while Morgan began to jostle Reid awake.

Reid furrowed his eyebrows unsure why he was being woken up and looked up at Morgan who was holding him. His brows only tensed more as he looked around in confusion before realizing where he was and grunting.

He rubbed his eyes as he focused on Morgan’s voice who was pulling away.

“The movie ended and it’s late so we’re about to go home,” Morgan stated trying to clear up the confusion since Reid’s brain was still processing that he was no longer asleep.

Reid nodded and looked over to Garcia who was smiling at him and standing up. She folded the blanket she was using and placed it nicely onto the couch how she found it before doing the same to Reid’s.

Reid stood up as well saying goodbye to Morgan and turning to Garcia as Morgan waved bye to Rossi and left.

Garcia and him both thanked Rossi and took some of the candy he offered them.

The streets were devoid of people as they all were in their beds now with a stomach full of candy. Many cars still occupied the roads as teenagers and adults drove home.

Reid slept soundly that night in his own bed now with a loving memory to attach to his favorite holiday.

Chapter Text

Hotch was able to get them a week work-free which had been very nice for the whole team.

Reid had spent his week reading and watching documentaries on his couch where a little plush bat joined him propped up near his feet, enjoying the quiet solitude.

It was the first week in a while where he had a good day prior and could enjoy his time-off.

Reid was conflicted on how he felt when Hotch told them their next case was in Las Vegas.

He had been peppy when he walked into the bureau. It felt like a clean slate now that he could relax around his team again.

However now knowing he would have to see his mom he carried some anxiety.

While he loved his mom seeing her could be uncomfortable. She was inconsistent in her attitude and he never knew what to expect from their visits.

He hadn’t been writing as much since he was consumed in work and personal troubles. Reid knew his mother would recognize his distance and stress if she was of stable mind.

If she wasn’t in a headspace where he could truly communicate with her it would leave him feeling sick. It often brought back feelings of hopelessness as he was transported back into the tiny shoes he filled growing up.

He hadn’t known how to properly take care of her despite his research and there was only so much he was capable of at his age. Only so much he could manage if he intended to fulfill his own life.

The guilt of putting her into a home clawed at him endlessly. He remembers her eyes begging him, full of betrayal as she was removed from her home.

She had done the best she could and put every drop of effort she had into her son.

His mom was intelligent and she was one of the few people who could keep up in conversation with him. Sometimes he was the only one who could keep up in conversation with her.

Her love for him was the worst weapon anyone could wield.

The strength of her love and care for him could easily be turned into aggression and nothing could hurt him worse than her words.

Reid knew pain would be following him no matter what state his mother was in.

He knew love would suffocate him as well which is why he couldn’t refuse to see her either. His shared love for his mother would not let him ignore her.

It was reassuring to know he was more stable than he was the previous weeks plus he had time to prepare.

Once they had landed in Las Vegas they began the usual process of working with the local authorities and figuring out where to begin.

This case was urgent as they had two children kidnapped and the longer it took to find the unsub the less chance of finding the children alive.

JJ worked on addressing the press as a few camera men stood around by kindly denying them any information and demanding them to leave.

Morgan and Rossi talked with the families to get more information on the families and learn more about the children. There was no obvious link between the families but the kids had both been playing outside alone and went to the same school.

It was a gated neighborhood making it high risk however the unsub likely was familiar with this area making him more confident. It was a guarantee he lived close by or did previously.

They asked the parents if the children ever talked to any adult within the area proposing a possibility that the kids knew the man.

Reid and Hotch walked while discussing with the local police. They inspected possible locations in which the unsub took them hoping for a clue.

Hotch had already requested the police to send over any camera footage to Garcia.

Later that afternoon there was little to do besides deeper analysis into information Garcia could provide and the clues hidden within the scenes.

Hotch gave Reid permission to leave early as he had done most of the hard work earlier and Reid never called out or used his sick days.

He was hoping Reid seeing his mother would have a positive impact and not negatively disrupt him from his work. The sooner he could see his mother the sooner he would be able to calm his predictions.

Reid hadn’t called first because of his nerves. His hands were shaking a little as he opened the door. The handle was freezing to the touch as he wrapped his fingers around it.

The warmth of the building flooded him with immediate relief as his breath no longer left visible exhales through the air.

He glanced around for his mother’s face in the crowd as he walked to the front desk.

Although he hadn’t been much in recent years and his letters had slowed the desk lady was quick to recognize him. She greeted him kindly and although he knew the gist she repeated what was necessary for the sake of her job.

Before walking him to her room she updated Reid on his mom’s behavior.

“She’s been doing well on the new medicine we put her on so she’s much more aware of reality than she was on your last visit. Occasionally we can see her revert to her delusions and paranoia but it’s been less frequent in the last month. She’s been a bit more snappy now that she’s grounded but far less aggressive since her paranoia has reduced,” she smiled the whole time as if it was exciting news.

“She will come to the shared space and play games on her good days. When you send her a letter she’ll share a little with us. She’ll tell us where you went and ramble on about how amazing her son is. She shares stories, she told us you were stubborn but she knew that meant you were headed for great things.”

It should be good news but knowing his mother was guaranteed to need help for the rest of her life didn’t have ‘good’ news.

Reid couldn’t help but flush a little hearing his mother praised him to the others. Knowing his mother rambled about him made his stomach bubble.

He beat himself up in his head acknowledging he should visit more despite the fact he left unsettled every time.

He thanked the woman before walking to the separate room. Reid had transferred her to a nicer home once he had the money so she was able to have her own space with her beloved items.

An attempt to replace the home she once had by providing her a smaller replica.

Reid knocked politely waiting for permission to enter.

“Who is it? I’m reading,” she asked. Her tone wasn’t rude but displayed her want to not be bothered very clearly.

He smiled as he walked in hoping his presence would cheer her up instantly.

His mom held her hands to her mouth as she dropped the book on the table in front of her and let out a gasp. She got out of her chair and walked over pulling him into a hug.

His head was held to her neck as he bent down letting her hold him and wrap her arms around him as if he was still small enough to fit in her embrace.

He stayed there a bit longer than what was typically a normal greeting appreciating her tight grasp around him. She smelled of laundry detergent and light perfume.

“Spencer,” she exclaimed, astonished by his unanticipated appearance.

He squeezed her tight before she pulled away and pushed his hair out of his eyes.

They both took a seat making themselves comfortable.

“Your notes have been very sparsely detailed lately,” She implied, hinting to his secretiveness.

“I’ve been busy and a lot of it you wouldn’t want to hear,” Reid told her. Technically it wasn’t a lie. He had been busy and unveiling what had occurred would make her permanently stressed and worried.

She hummed in reply as she set up a game of chess for them to play. She didn’t like his job and she had made him aware of that. He had a brain much too great to risk a bullet occupying it.

Reid deflected by asking her how she had been. They continued playing chess as she went over the gossip within the building.

Her telling stories from other patients was relaxing. He felt relieved knowing her biggest issues were with the others as opposed to the caregiving staff.

Listening to her complain over mundane things was a fresh breath of air.

She told him about one patient who always complained about the tv being too loud but would turn the volume all the way up when her show came on. A man who would bake a lot and hand them out yet was a jackass most of the time.

One lady would always refuse pudding suggesting she hated pudding only to try and steal other people's cups when they were distracted. His mother suggested a diagnosis of kleptomania for her.

Eventually after including him on all the drama she politely asked if he was on a case although the answer was clear. He nodded and told her a little about it before switching topics back for her comfort.

“I spent Halloween with some of the team. Me and Garcia dressed up together and then at Rossi’s we all watched Dracula. JJ and Hotch couldn’t make it since they were trick or treating.”

“How had Morgan been, you haven’t mentioned him as frequently in your last few letters,” she questioned curiously.

“He’s been the same as usual. We’ve all been working a lot so there hasn’t been many fun anecdotes worth sharing.”

She looked at him trying to read his face not sure whether she believed him or not.

She didn’t respond, instead moving a pawn on the board and asking how much longer he’ll be in town for.

Reid told her he’d come by again before leaving to reassure her, knowing her intention in asking.

He asked about her Halloween since he had shared.

“We had a movie night but I didn’t care much for the staff’s choice. We’re not allowed to watch anything ‘scary’,” she uses finger quotes as she mocks the rule with a disbelieving tone, “I mean it’s Halloween, the holiday is scary. Ridiculous” She scoffed.

Reid tried not to laugh at her ranting instead grinning lightly.

“I just read instead of watching the movie. One of the ladies made some nice desserts though so at least we had the bare minimum.”

Reid nodded and continued the conversation, both of them going back and forth off of each other’s sentences. It was nice to hear her voice clearly again, not muffled through the phone.

He enjoyed her presence and was pleasantly surprised that the visit was going so well. The conversation was light and humorous as she let him dodge all the conversations he ignored by giving short responses.

Reid beat his mother at their game of chess on his next turn. He did a fake boast at his successful win and she faked irritation to hide her pride.

Meanwhile the team worked on finding hidden elements and sharing what information they had gotten separately.

Hotch asked Morgan to grab Reid’s paperwork for the case which was in Reid’s bag that had been left in his empty chair.

He wanted to get some of it filled out for Reid and be productive while they let Reid finally get some quality time with his mother.

The team all knew his relationship with his mother was more complex than most. They had all been taken aback when they learned his mom was schizophrenic and that he had been taking care of her since he was little.

When they met Diana they could all recognize that despite her delusions she cared for Reid with her entire being. Both of them suffered but love was never absent in their home. It overflowed and if Reid hadn’t felt that she would crumble if he informed her of his suffering she might’ve been able to provide more.

Everyone was sitting around the table typing as Morgan got up and put Reid’s bag on the table. Some of his stuff was settled on the top having been thrown in there last minute. He carelessly grabbed the miscellaneous items and put them atop the table.

When he pulled his hand back and got a glimpse his body froze and he stood still. The air felt as if it had copied him, becoming stale.

Everyone looked up as Morgan went from careless sloppy movements to statue like stillness.

A chapstick rolled across the glass table creating a light sound. Some headphones laid sloppily across the small blanket Reid slept with and carried around for comfort.

The blanket in his bag was similar to a child clutching a comfort item tightly in their hand everywhere they go. Reid’s need to bring it with him a clear signal of his inability to self-soothe correctly.

Alongside a pack of gum laid two packets of medication.

They weren’t in a pill bottle like his prescribed suppressants meant for frequent use. They were in a package, the pills in little bubbles you pushed down on so they popped out.

One was empty and the other had a whole row missing. It was a recognizable pill that everyone knew at first glance.

Garcia was on facetime with the team and was now curiously looking away from her work as silent static took over. She couldn’t see what was happening on the other end, only that Emily and Rossi looked concerningly shocked.

Morgan slowly went to pick it up to confirm if the pills were emergency suppressants. All the hidden stress overcame him and he felt furious.

He was mad at Reid.

Mad was putting it lightly.

He didn’t understand why Reid would torture himself like this when he had plenty of people willing and wanting to help. He was being provided all the resources and wouldn’t take the offer.

The team stayed silent, all of them were horrified but Morgan’s silent anger made them all unsure about vocalizing their feelings.

Reid had gone through a whole pack that was meant to last year's minimum. Most people wouldn’t ever even need to take one and if they did the usage was rare.

Everyone knew these were recently taken as well meaning it was within the last few weeks. He had been taking them almost daily. The whole time they thought he was finally adjusting and feeling secure enough to be around them he had been dangerously medicating himself.

Morgan and Emily were both confused as when they roomed with him he was still having to put effort into fighting himself meaning the medicine was barely working.

Taking those pills was like building a dam, each one a stick stacked on the others overtime. They weren’t going to be strong enough to hold back the flood of water that was building and weighing on the fortress.

He was guaranteed to crash and burn.

Reid was smiling as he walked into the room devoid of officers, all having been given directions elsewhere under Hotch’s authority earlier that day, suddenly putting him suddenly on edge.

It was quiet, almost dream-like in its underwhelming sensory input.

When he opened the door he could feel the awkward tension running through the room.

Hotch was stood about to redirect Morgan’s barely contained feelings when Reid appeared in front of them.

He was met with Morgan’s angry and distressed face and Hotch’s eyes were full of disappointment. He felt small under their disapproving glares.

He felt the need to cower or shrink to avoid their judgment even though he was clueless as to why they were looking at him in such a way.

The rest of them looked sad from the small glances he got of their faces. He scanned his eyes across the room and noticed his blanket laying atop the table in front of everyone. He felt exposed but most of his focus was brought to his pills which Morgan was holding up aggressively.

Reid tongue refused to move as his brain tried to find what to say. He couldn’t get his jaw to lower as he stood there with everyone’s eyes on him.

He wanted to move but his limbs felt detached from his body. His foot didn’t feel as if it was his own and when he tried to walk all he could manage was worsening his posture, sinking into himself.

It was unexpected when Hotch spoke first, calm-mannered but stern. “Reid, you know how dangerous these are. Have you been taking these daily? You are putting yourself in danger working on these.”

Reid knew he was scolding him and it was partially due to it putting the team in danger as well.

Hotch would never suggest that unless absolutely necessary. It would make Reid blame himself and feel he needs to protect the team therefore pushing him in the opposite direction.

His main concern was how much harm Reid was enduring to refuse what he obviously desperately was needing.

Reid knew though. He was smart and it cut like a knife. He would never want to distract his team and if someone got injured because of him he would never forgive himself. He hadn't for what happened with Emily.

Despite wanting to answer he couldn’t spit his words out. There was no way to explain himself.

Reid wasn’t aware of his head nodding at Hotch’s question. He was running on auto-pilot due to his adrenaline.

Hotch was debating on how to react. He wasn’t sure if he needed to step in and lead Reid out of the room or not. It was hard to tell if Reid was regressing but his stance and uncertainty made him question Reid's headspace.

Reid's fingers were fidgeting as if he was suppressing the urge to stim clearly struggling with the unpredicted overstimulation.

Emily made eye-contact with him attempting to give him a push of encouragement which Hotch began to act on trusting her instinct.

He made a few steps before Morgan interrupted deciding he couldn’t be quiet anymore.

“You have six people all willing to help you and yet you keep refusing help! You know better so why are you doing this to yourself!” Morgan yelled at him.

Every emotion Reid had ever felt but couldn’t express built up in him and he was overcome with rage and despair.

“It’s selfish! How do you think we feel having to watch you hurt yourself when we have offered help. How can I trust you to work with killers when you can’t even go anywhere without a baby blanket!” His words were ramping up in intensity.

Hotch opened his mouth to tell Morgan off as it was not his place to decide what Reid could do workwise. Multiple of the other team members began to hunch over their seats considering standing up and getting involved at Morgan’s last dig.

“One day you or someone else is going to get hurt because you refuse to let anyone help you or take control and it will be your fault. What else could I possibly do?”

All his pain exploded out of him masked by fury. Reid was yelling at Morgan in such a way everyone felt sick at how distraught Reid was.

It seemed so aggressive compared to the sassy comments he typically made when angry or irritable. He was no longer hiding that he was still suffering from all the stresses he had endured lately.

Reid gestured with his hands up as he shouted “you’ll never understand Morgan! You don’t get it and none of you will ever be able to understand how it feels!”

Nobody could argue with that although it didn’t change their stance.

“Do you not get how terrifying it is to be completely vulnerable and have to trust someone else enough to give them complete control! You have a hard time even letting Hotch instruct you on the field because you hate authoritative men!”

Morgan closed his open mouth at the returned personal attack.

“Almost every experience has been involuntary and distressing. Why would I want to regress when almost every experience has put me in danger! I already struggled with it before you found out and then I got fucking kidnapped, I was petrified Morgan. Why are any of you expecting me to recover from that so quickly!”

Reid’s voice ranged in volume as he went back and forth between feeling betrayed and equally angry at Morgan’s anger. Everyone felt shame build in them and their body language showed it even though he wasn’t addressing them..

“You think I’m unaware they’re unhealthy? I need them to keep it together right now. I’m doing everything I can to help the team so you don't have the right to be angry at me Morgan!” his eyebrows were furrowed and his expression almost suggested a ‘are you stupid’ disbelieving exasperated look.

Morgan retaliated, having calmed down unnerved by Reid’s aggression, “I know that Reid but why can’t you just let us help you for once.”

Morgan made an outward reach with his hand in a show of comfort but Reid scowled at the gesture and only got angrier.

“It’s not that easy Morgan, what are you not understanding? I can’t!”

Morgan was irritated by Reid’s inability to accept help although he also felt an immense amount of empathy. With Reid shouting at him he was beginning to feel oddly defensive as opposed to expressing a caregiver's sense of comforting.

He wasn’t understanding that it was more than just a fear of help but years of resistance Reid didn’t know how to push back against and still function normally.

He matched Reid’s volume, “Why! Why is it not that easy to trust me Reid! I know you’ve had bad experiences in the past but I’m not them. You know I would never hurt you or see you different.”

Everyone was beginning to feel uneasy as they got louder. Morgan was being too rough and Reid was clearly overwhelmed, both too hot-headed to express their feelings accurately.

The team wanted to back away unsure of how to help but also wanting to protect Reid. Hotch didn't want Reid to have to defend himself but he didn't want to take away Reid's opportunity to say what he wanted.

Morgan was correct, Reid needed help. However Reid’s outburst was incredibly gut-punching and reasonable.

“It’s not about you Morgan. Quit being self-obsessed. Do you even want me to regress because of my mental health or because you want a little!”

Morgan tried to cut in and deny his claim but was overlapped by Reid.

“I can’t regress because if I enjoy it I won’t be able to refuse it when I’m stressed. I have no practice managing it! How could I work this job and not slip into headspace when I’m needed most. It’s not plausible,” Reid took a deep breath winded.

“I want to take care of you Reid but even if you don’t want me to you have to take care of yourself! Look at all that’s happening lately! What you’re doing isn’t working. You couldn’t even undress yourself on the last case Reid!”

Everyone looked at Reid, who felt ridiculed by Morgan’s sharing, surprised by the alarming information but also hoping Morgan expressing his care would seep through the anger.

Morgan continued before Reid could make a rebuttal, “Once you start regressing healthily you’ll be able to control it better. You’re just putting yourself at more risk by working with involuntary stress based regression that you can’t control! I’ll always be with you, you would learn how to balance it.”

Reid hated that Morgan was right but it didn’t make Reid’s feelings wrong. “You can’t guarantee that Morgan! Every time I regress I can barely find my way back out. I’m dangerous to the team. I’m not your responsibility nor theirs,” he gestured to everyone else, “you can’t promise it would just be us. You can’t control that and I won't be able to either, it wouldn’t be okay for me to burden you or the team.”

JJ tried to deescalate, “Reid we love you. We don’t want you to hide from us. We all would be happy to take care of you.”

Reid internally was grateful JJ’s kind declaration, an implied offer that the entire team was happy to care for him but his attention was moved back to Morgan.

“A lot of the issues you’re describing are a result of your repression, Reid. I know you’re scared but you seemed so much more calm when I took care of you.”

Morgan had done good taking care of him but Reid was still very stressed about doing the wrong thing. Scared to act too little or not act little in the right way. He didn’t want to tell Morgan that though as it wasn’t his fault and it would only crush him.

“Hotch take me home.”

Hotch was shocked at Reid’s request too say the least.

Morgan's mouth snapped shut at Reid's gentle quiet plea.

It was the last thing they were expecting Reid to say in return.

Morgan couldn't help but feel jealous but it was also a wake-up call to how he had handled the situation. The shame and embarrassment had been shifted.

Hotch nodded and grabbed his stuff as Reid grabbed his things staying quiet. He placed his blanket in his bag with less force than his other throw about belongings. Hotch made a nod to the team suggesting they start grabbing their items soon as well.

He turned the heat on quickly when they were in the van as Reid was visibly chilly when exiting the building.

Hotch felt irritation with everyone at the moment.

He was upset that Reid was struggling and that it was partially Reid's own fault. He felt angry that Morgan pushed him as hard as he did when he was already scared instead of taking the moment to take him out of the room and soothe him.

He was mad at himself for not stepping in before this ever became an issue and waiting for Morgan to take the given opportunity instead of doing what needed to be done. However he kept finding himself in the same situation of wanting to speak up but it being the worst possible time to have ‘the’ conversation.

He hated knowing he was going to be doing all the damage control in the morning between the team.

When they walked to their rooms Reid made his way into his and Morgan’s room but didn’t shut the door behind him. He grabbed his bags and stepped back out before taking a few steps to another door.

The door was to Emily’s room which caused a problem considering she was presumably still at the station with everyone else and neither him nor Hotch had a key.

Hotch didn’t make any motion or guide him as he wanted Reid to choose whatever made him most comfortable.

Reid would rather sleep outside than have to ask Emily if they could share a room in front of everyone and have JJ drag all her bags out of her room to Morgan’s.

He knew Morgan's was going to be full of regret when he saw him absent again and he couldn’t handle his troubled face at the moment. Reid refused to watch Morgan beat himself up in the bed beside him and feel guilt for his own feelings.

Morgan wouldn’t ever intentionally make him feel guilty for being upset but that would be the outcome.

So the only practical option was to accept defeat and accompany Hotch to his room.

Hotch opened his door as Reid walked over and let him step in first before suggesting he take a shower.

Reid agreed giving Hotch a divergence to message Rossi and place his bags outside the door right before they arrived.

Hotch didn’t wait for their arrival, also not wanting to see Morgan’s sad expression having his plate full with one hurt boy.

Reid didn’t even realize Rossi’s things weren’t in the room as he turned the lights off and immediately laid down in the bed opposite of the one Hotch laid in. If it wasn’t for his shower the skin under his eyes would have felt raw from wiping away his tears.

His day had been so intense and he knew tomorrow wouldn’t be much different.

Hotch felt unbearably stiff as he laid in his own bed. His tension went away as he heard a sniffle and was replaced with the most uncertainty he had ever felt.

He had rarely found himself clueless on what to do. His job had prepared him for almost every circumstantial problem. Yet now he felt stuck.

He wanted to rush over and take care of Reid. Hold him and rock him to sleep. Wipe away his tears.

Ever since Reid became apart of the team he had watched over him more intensely than anyone else. It wasn't because of his classification despite that being natural.

Reid was passionate and occasionally naive. He was a blinding blaze of fire and Hotch would do anything in his capability to protect it from getting blown out. Reid was rare and irreplaceable not just as a value to the team but as a person.

Hotch loved all his teammates but he felt personally responsible for making sure Reid didn’t burn out.

He refused to let anyone, including those they worked with, break Reid. After learning about his genetic link of schizophrenia and watching him overcome drug addiction he had only begun to take it more seriously realizing how awfully he was failing.

It was a hard job as Reid didn’t have the odds stacked in his favor.

He knew attempting to comfort Reid could make the way he was feeling worse. He knew Reid internally wanted affection but he didn’t want to only receive it because of his regression.

This left Hotch in a conflicting spot as a caregiver, a friend, and a boss.

Reid’s sniffles didn’t dissipate so he slowly made his way out of his bed before taking a seat on Reid’s against the hard headboard.

Reid made an attempt to stifle his noises but was just as unsuccessful as he was before Hotch got out of bed.

Hotch placed his hand on Reid’s shoulder and rubbed gently. Reid was turned away from him. After a minute or so went by Hotch pulled him lightly by his shoulder requesting for him to turn around.

Reid hesitated for a few seconds before conceding and laying his head in Hotch’s lap.

Hotch resisted the urge to let out a deep exhale, feeling that he had some control.

Reid was too anguished to resist the physical affection that Hotch was offering.

Reid was laying on his side as Hotch took a hand and rubbed up and down his back repetitively.

“Everything’s going to be okay. I’ll be with you in the morning. Sleep now,” Hotch reassured him.

Reid had to fight back the urge to cry again at Hotch’s comforting words.

He wrapped his arm around Hotch’s leg making himself more cozy and giving Hotch better access to his back.

Hotch felt warmer than he did in his own bed as Reid wrapped around his legs.

Hotch readjusted the blanket and continued the calming motion as Reid began to breathe deeper and his features relaxed. Hotch was so grateful that his affection and reassurances seemed to be successful in tranquilizing the boy's mind.

Spencer gave a light squeeze as an attempted thanks to Hotch before he drifted asleep.

Hotch’s hand applied pressure where it stilled not having stopped the soothing gesture until he himself drifted off.

Chapter Text

Morgan wasn’t met with a night as gentle as Reid’s.

Garcia was quick to lecture him in place of his other co-workers and she did so without any sugar-coating.

Rossi left to shower at the sound of Morgan’s phone ringing, dismissing himself from the conversation. More accurately the tongue-lashing Garcia had prepared for him on the ride back which had been the most uncomfortable silence he had ever experienced.

He wondered if this was how Reid felt when their behavior towards him had shifted.

It wouldn’t be comparable even so since Reid had done nothing deserving of invisibility and stares unlike Morgan who was guilty of a wrongdoing.

All of the team was refusing to give him attention knowing they wouldn’t be able to handle their frustration if someone initiated the conversation.

Morgan could imagine cartoon expressions of anger surrounding his co-workers as they mulled over what they should say if anything.

Words weren’t needed to express their dismay.

However neither hidden words nor silence were the main culprit of the regret eating him.

Even if they were to comfort him as he sank into his self-pity nothing they had to say could dissolve the guilt carving itself into his body as if it resided there.

The longer he sat with this feeling the heavier the guilt got making him aware of what Reid had been feeling. He doesn’t think it was guilt Reid had felt but maybe he was wrong, either way he knew it had to feel somewhat similar.

Reid had told him he could never understand which was honest but he felt he was a bit closer now.

Every breath sounded amplified throughout the van. The energy swamping them making the oxygen feel void. Morgan was unsure if his lungs were pulling in air as he held his breath typical to how he does on a case making sure not to signal his presence.

The drive wasn’t very long yet Morgan’s thoughts on how to apologize were cut short as he questioned if they were ever going to make it back to the hotel.

When the car finally arrived to a stop Morgan interrupted the silence as they reached for their door handles, “I’m going to apologize to him tomorrow.”

Everybody stalled for a second at his announcement before continuing their movements.

“You better,” Emily deadpanned.

The phone call had a similar apathy as Garcia challenged him to defend Reid. She declared how angry and disappointed she was in him. Her bluntness struck a chord as her usual bubbly tone was absent. He hated that the tone of voice he was hearing was a result of his actions.

The only way he would have hated it more is if it had come from Reid.

Her unending stream continued for quite a while, purposefully not letting him voice his perspective until she was done.

He abruptly told her of his plans to apologize which was a hint that he wanted her help.

Garcia gave suggestions but overall she demanded he only do it if he meant it otherwise it was pathetic.

Morgan nodded although she couldn’t see him and agreed with her listening to the advice she gave hoping he could show Reid how genuinely sorry he was and that he was willing to listen.

Everything had reminded him of Reid that night.

His stomach felt sunken and hot as he dared think about what Reid was doing at the moment. He desperately hoped he wasn’t crying.

He hoped Hotch was taking care of him despite a slight nagging that it should be him in Hotch’s place. It wasn’t right for him to feel jealousy when he was the reason Reid needed caring at the moment.

He tossed and turned over and over unable to stop all the thoughts he wished he’d had just hours prior.

The sounds the bed made due to his shifting was a harsh reminder that Reid wasn’t with him and therefor Reid wasn’t the cause of the shuffling.

Rossi was tired of the movement as it got later and later into the night. Old men need their sleep and Morgan had already raised his blood pressure and was now ruining his rest.

Rossi understood Morgan’s point, everyone did, but the only empathy he felt was logical.

“You can apologize in the morning. He needs to sleep so he can work tomorrow as do we. Go to bed,” Rossi directs rationally before turning onto his side and making himself more comfortable.

Morgan was quick to settle into the bed at that. He already felt as though he were on thin ice and he didn’t want to cause any more disturbance.

The morning air was uncomfortable and most of the staring had been returned to Reid as the team tried to read him so they could act accordingly.

Hotch had woken up with a heavy weight across his lap and a sore back. He squeezed his already closed eyes in confusion before opening them to look for the source of his abnormal sleeping position.

His eyes were heavy with sleep and he had to wipe the dry feeling out of them to see well in the dimly lit room.

Reid was laying with his head in Hotch’s lap letting out a quiet wheeze as he breathed.

Hotch looked over to check the clock which lit up the room red where the curtains blocked out the sun. It was five thirty in the morning meaning he had woken at the perfect time.

Hotch was careful as he slid out from underneath the sleeping man trying not to wake him.

He went about his morning routine calmly. Usually Rossi woke at the same time as him and although they kept their morning’s quiet it was nice for his footsteps not to be doubled, the only sound a light snore.

He made coffee and sat down with paperwork at the little table. His brain was operating at a slower pace having interpreted the gentle pressure alongside him in the bed as meaning he was home and off the case.

Hotch heard a door across from them open and close for the first time ever as he wasn’t the first to make his way downstairs. He moved his eyes to observe the younger man.

Reid was on his stomach now sleeping soundly where Hotch had previously laid.

After Hotch had gotten dressed quietly he prepared himself to wake Reid but was lucky enough to find him already up yawning and stretching in the bed.

He didn’t have the option to analyze him as he padded to the shower upon waking.

Most of his anger had faded overnight having finally expressed how he had been feeling. Although not how he had envisioned it.

He wanted a moment to go over the argument in his head before he had to work with his teammates considering lives are at stake.

Morgan was correct in the fact that what he was doing wasn’t working well for him but he didn't know what the other options were.

He knew that to be a lie despite telling himself otherwise.

He couldn’t keep ignoring it or someone would end up hurt and if that someone wasn’t him he couldn’t deal with the consequences.

He was scared having his caregiver around at all times would over-trigger his regression especially with his lack of experience and control. Hotch and Morgan were the only caregivers he would tryst to watch over him therefor he would have the only two caregivers around constantly.

So where did that leave him.

He’d debated this over and over and yet the cycle wasn’t ending.

Reid was so exhausted of difficult choices and his inability to follow through.

He couldn’t admit that it would be so relieving if someone would make choices for him when he felt so overwhelmed like this.

Besides his uncertainty surrounding a solution he felt embarrassed that they all knew about the pills. He didn’t believe they were going to be mad at him especially after the argument but he was nervous anyhow.

He didn’t want to have a conversation with his team about them either. However lying or avoiding his teams concerns hadn’t gotten him anywhere good in the past.

Wishing that he had hidden them better in his bag and being mad at himself for it was pointless as it was only a matter of time before something crumbled.

While he didn’t feel furious anymore he did feel hurt that Morgan thought his actions were selfish.

Nothing he had done had any selfish intention. Internally he felt it was the best choice to protect himself and his family. Regressing would be a disadvantage and even off duty he felt it would be selfish to force them into that situation.

It wasn’t as cut and dry as Morgan made it seem and Reid just wanted him to understand that.

Reid took a deep breath as he got out of the shower to dry off and get dressed.

Hotch had remained in the room which was unusual behavior from him.

Nobody on the team would be upset if he made a late appearance for breakfast. It was his job as the boss to gauge his team’s mental state.

Reid appeared to be doing much better than Hotch had braced for as he walked out of the bathroom.

Overtaken with his protective senses he was unable to think logically when Reid took a pill from his bag and swallowed it down in front of him like it wasn’t of issue.

When Reid looked back up and saw Hotch who was laying across his bed arching his eyebrow with a look of disappointment he was surprised.

“Unless you’re going to stay and take care of me I have to take it if we’re working,” Reid stated confidently hinting to Hotch that quitting would cause small symptoms of withdraw.

Reid watched as Hotch picked up on his implication and relaxed.

Reid hesitated for a moment after they both grabbed their items and began walking to the door. He tapped on Hotch’s shoulder signaling for him to turn around and face him.

Hotch looked confused as he turned around unsure of what Reid needed. He was met with a gentle hug.

He was taken aback but wrapped his arm around Reid gently enjoying the moment.

He was taken back in time as Reid muttered “I knew you’d understand.”

Hotch squeezed him tighter as he was flooded with so much appreciation and love.

It brought Hotch back about two years as deja vu reminded him of another time he felt an odd relief surrounding Reid and his regression.

As unexpected as it may sound he almost felt he was battling Gideon at times to keep Reid separated from depending on him. He had no confirmation that Gideon was aware but his instincts suggested so.

He had known Gideon a long time but he didn’t trust him with protecting Reid’s fragility. He might’ve protected Reid by keeping others in check in regards to not undermining him but Hotch often felt as though he were using Reid as his own personal weapon or discovery.

Unlike him Reid put all his trust in the man having rarely been given such support. Hotch was surprised when Gideon walked away from the job but he couldn’t say he didn’t feel better knowing Reid would look to him instead.

Gideons cared for him surely but he saw Reid as a prodigy while Hotch saw him as a son, a part of his family.

Morgan had his issues, as did the whole team, but he knew Morgan didn’t see him as a prop for personal gain or to replace a missing space in his life.

Reid let go and made his way to the door while asking Hotch to catch him up on any information he had missed.

Reid couldn’t name the emotions he felt as he saw Morgan who was sat next to Rossi at the table sipping on a black coffee. He looked a bit rough and his appetite was clearly impacted as a result of their argument.

Reid followed the trend of routine breaking that was occurring today and made himself an actual breakfast.

Everyone held their breaths as he sat down next to Emily and JJ. They all had their backs up preparing for an argument to start. It was silent for a hair too long as everyone flickered their eyes from Reid to Morgan.

“These pancakes taste like they were made from a box,” Rossi criticized the food picking at it with his fork as an interruption.

“They probably are,” Hotch confirmed.

“The fruit’s okay,” JJ suggested gesturing to her apple.

“Well it’s kind of hard to mess up an apple,” Emily ribbed.

JJ acted annoyed for the joke as everyone agreed with Emily but laughed along.

The humorous banter was a nice surprise and it continued throughout the meal.

Hotch couldn’t be more thankful for a team that came together with love even under crushing pressure. It seemed they were all learning from the previous incidents.

Once they had cleaned up the table and grabbed their belongings they separated into two vans. Both were quiet as some took the time to get their heads on straight and others to scan over paperwork.

Emily heard Reid’s bag shuffling halfway through the ride after he had bent down to grasp it and pull it into his lap. She spied from the corner of her eye before refocusing her attention out the window as he reorganized some items.

He was taking advantage of the rarely used zip-up compartment for once placing the pills and blanket in it.

He put the strap on his shoulder before exiting the van as they entered the precinct and settled down.

Having been absent yesterday most of the team had planned to ask about his visit with his mother when he made it back. This had been forgotten when rapidly replaced with a much more concerning issue.

Reid had gotten the space to express how he felt with no criticism and yet it had replaced the space for him to be vulnerable and talk about his feelings on a situation he actually wanted to talk about unattached to the team’s emotions and solely his own.

JJ couldn’t help the pity she felt recognizing that almost every action of Reid’s was examined by the team and their feelings had to be involved. It was already infantilizing and if she were in his shoes she would feel untrusted.

It would be difficult to confide in needing help when his team already intruded as if they assumed he couldn’t make decisions for himself.

She noted the thought to ask him about his visit later when they weren’t pre-occupied.

With some of the case already sorted through and Reid’s brain power it was progressing a bit faster. Everybody was working in tandem including the local officials, except Morgan.

Morgan had been expecting much more tension in the air and yet everyone was acting as if nothing had happened. Perhaps that was because nothing had actually happened with them, he was the one in trouble.

Throughout the day he was awaiting his consequence. Morgan waited for Hotch to lecture him but it never came. In fact besides Garcia nobody had addressed it with him at all which was much scarier.

Hotch wanted Morgan to fix the issue on his own without his input. An apology would be disingenuous otherwise and Reid deserved better and Morgan deserved the chance to fix and heal their relationship.

Hotch split them into two groups halfway through the day so the team could have a short lunch break while the other worked. He couldn’t expect full concentration with an empty stomach.

Reid was eating a snack when Morgan approached him, slowly pulling out the chair across from him giving Reid time to reject his company.

Emily was sat at another desk in clear view of Reid purposefully. She perked up seeing Morgan take a seat and listened in discreetly prepared to step in.

Hotch glanced at them through the window but returned his attention to the rest of the team.

Morgan didn’t say anything as he sat down incase Reid had something to say first. Reid waited patiently with food in his mouth.

“I’m sorry Reid.”

Reid hadn’t been expecting such a simple straight forward apology. It might’ve been rude to presume that he would apologize to take the blame off himself but with how mad he had been he wasn’t unprepared for it.

“I’ve been really concerned about you and I should’ve talked to you about beforehand. I shouldn’t of yelled at you. I should have asked why so I can understand instead better.”

Reid had quit eating so he could give Morgan his full attention.

Morgan was wringing his hands slightly, “I said you were being selfish and I realized that I have been being selfish in putting my own feelings before yours. I think I understand more how you feel now and I’m sorry that it took an argument for me to get it. Despite how wrong my reaction was I do know you’re not okay and my anger is from the fact I know you’re having a hard time and I can’t fix it for you. I know that doesn’t make it right but I want you to know that.”

Reid had a million thoughts and so many different possible responses to choose from.

“So you didn’t get much sleep last night then huh,” Reid joked smirking.

Morgan looked up startled by Reid’s playful reply. He had braced himself unsure of how Reid would respond but this certainly hadn’t been his expectation.

He smiled at Reid’s proud smirk and rolled his eyes, “now, that I may blame you for,” he teased back.

Reid knew Morgan enjoyed their silly moments the most so a joke was the best way for him to show forgiveness. It sucked the seriousness out of the air and it felt normal again.

Morgan began eating as well in Reid’s company but they remained quiet enjoying each other’s presence.

Neither of them had noticed Emily’s small smile.

When it was time to swap out Reid stood next to Morgan and spoke quietly, just above a whisper, “thank you for caring Derek.”

Morgan flushed at the thanks.

He hadn’t been called Derek since Reid had regressed. He wasn’t sure if that was intentional or if he was getting his hopes up that from here on out it would be uphill.

Hotch nodded at Morgan when they made eye-contact glad he didn’t have to direct the man.

The energy had picked up afterwards signaling to everyone that there had been some resolution. With all spirits boosted a renewed energy began to rise as they all over-worked themselves.

By the end of the night they began to feel themselves crashing as a result. Everyone was mentally exhausted and anxiety was beginning to set in as they were still working from inside the building and not on the field.

All of the team itched with the urge to continue working but it was already midnight and Hotch could see the sleep-drunk drowsiness beginning to set in.

Reid felt like the answer was at his fingertips but he just couldn’t grasp what he was searching for leaving him irritated.

Reid had been frantically scanning pages with no real thought process. The pages lived only in his brain as the moon wasn’t bright enough to make them visible in the almost pitch-black van.

The team’s exhaustion was only overruled by hunger as they were all audibly thankful when the fast-food was passed around. Everyone began eating on the way back besides Hotch and Emily who were both driving.

Once they all began entering the hotel he realized he was conflicted on where he wanted to sleep tonight.

If he continued rooming with Hotch then Morgan would be upset and he wasn’t sure how Rossi would feel about that if it wasn’t necessary.

He felt nervous that rooming with Morgan would make him forgetful of the fact that Reid still need time to figure things out.

He felt mainly indifferent though all things considered which made him indecisive. He was too worn out to make a decision.

Reid was unsure if Rossi had somehow picked up on his uncertainty but was relieved to hear Rossi declare, “I’m not rooming with Morgan unless you’d prefer me cranky.”

Rossi would room with anyone if Reid felt he needed to stay with Hotch however he absolutely would prefer it to be someone less restless. Hotch looked to him for direction but Reid’s face was blank.

If Reid wasn’t craving to room back up with Morgan immediately then he would rather them have a bit more space. He looked towards Emily in the hopes she would understand him.

“Hotch and Rossi can room together and I’ll room with Morgan,” Emily stated grabbing her bags unbothered.

Everyone looked around to see if anyone had objection but even Morgan appeared to be comfortable with the arrangements.

They all worked together to get bags switched from room to room. Reid smiled at Emily when their paths crossed and was happy to receive one back.

He said goodnight to Morgan as well before closing the door to the room he was sharing with JJ.

JJ showered as soon as she entered the room and Reid kept himself glued to his work which was proving to be useless as he had memorized all the information available and hadn’t found a mistake.

He sighed and put the paperwork down as he heard the water shut off from the bathroom. She hadn’t been in there long, she was ready to get off her feet and under the warm blankets.

JJ looked worn out. She had a lot on her mind worthy of worrying about.

She was anxious about the missing kids, her own kids, how she would discuss with the parents if they were too late, how she would address it to the public, her irritation with Morgan, her stress with Reid.

Far too much consumed her at the moment and she was drained.

As she pulled the comforter over herself she could only imagine how thankful she would be to be in her own bed. It seemed like this case was never ending and the ongoing drama wasn’t any help.

Reid took his turn afterwards. The room was still damp with steam from the warm shower causing the large mirrors to condensate.

Her stuff was littering the bathroom, a mess for another day.

He let the water warm him as he washed his hair. The water got cold fast leaving cold droplets running down his face. He quickly dried his skin off with the towel as the chill air burned him.

He was surprisingly for once in the bed closest to the door which was where Emily had slept the night prior.

He questioned for a few seconds if Hotch sleeps closest to the door when him and Rossi room up. He wondered if Emily would be sleeping further from the door. Maybe the rest of the team didn’t have a usual schedule and just grabbed whatever they were closest too.

JJ had the tv playing at a low volume so it wasn’t overstimulating.

He looked over at her. The room would be dark if it wasn’t for the two lamps lighting up the room from the shared nightstand between the beds.

Her hair was in a ponytail and she was in a knitted white sweater.

When he had first met JJ she had been one of the first people who was genuinely kind to him. She might’ve thought he was quirky but she never had any malice behind her curiosity and had only grown to adore him.

He had an admiration for her. She was the first girl of a similar age to have real care for him and display it openly. Especially a pretty one.

Her face was sharper now and her hair a little longer. She matured and had grown into her facial features now.

He assumed if she were to analyze him it would identical, his features sharpened and his hair longer.

He doesn’t look as young and fragile anymore.

Or maybe he does.

Maybe he is.

He’d like to believe if eyes could be shared with others and they could see themselves through the eyes of those they love words wouldn’t be uttered as any declaration would feel empty in comparison.

He wonders if he would even recognize himself from before he started at the BAU. That version of himself seemed a distant memory now.

He had thought he knew so much and yet he knew so little at that time. It only brought to his attention that there was so much he didn’t know currently.

So many opportunities were to come and there were so many choices he could make that would alter the course of his life. He had so much power at his fingertips and so much hesitation.

Time had passed so suddenly and he hadn’t noticed how different his life had become since he started this job. Yet everyday time passed so slowly that he felt he had spent an eternity with the family they’d become.

Reid had rushed his entire life trying to make one worth living and now it wouldn’t slow down.

The entire team had grown and changed with him. All naive and having only started what felt like the end goal.

JJ turned her head as she felt his stare. He smiled at her with his lips closed and she returned it surprised by the sweet moment.

“How was your visit with your mom?”

Reid had honestly forgotten that he hadn’t gotten to talk about his mother with how chaotic it had been since he saw her. He couldn’t help but smile at the fact that she had remembered and thought it worth asking about.

“Better than I thought it would go honestly! She’s doing well from what I saw and what the doctors said. I’m going to go see her again before we leave,” He informed her.

“That’s great Reid,” she replied genuinely.

“Are you doing alright? You seem a little more down than usual,” Reid shared the branch.

“Just ready for this case to be solved so I can be back in bed and see my family,” she sighed but lips turned up as she thought about them, already able to picture it.

“I’m sure you’ll be back home before you know it,” Reid offered, hoping he was telling the truth and not giving her false hope.

“Goodnight Spence, we can talk in the morning,” she smiled, turning her light off and curling up on her side.

He turned his light off as well and moved to rest on his stomach. He listened to the sound of the heater and JJ’s very light breathing.

The next day was full of field work and stress but Reid was correct as the case was solved without a single death and the unsub was taken into custody.

They only had one more night to spend in Vegas before their eight am flight the upcoming morning.

Emily and Morgan used the remaining time to party ignoring that tomorrow was destined to be miserable between the jet ride and a hang-over.

The other three did reports on their computers so they would have little to do the next day giving themselves time to relax.

Room arrangements went back to normal that night except for the fact that Morgan had his room to himself.

Reid knocked on the door to his mother’s room.

It was getting late so he was unsure if she would be particularly pleasant to be around.

“Who is it?” Her voice met his ears, sounding of curiosity as opposed to irritation.

He opened the door slowly peeking his head in and smiling at her.

She put her book down and greeted him with a hug.

She took a deep breath enjoying his presence knowing he would be leaving soon and she wasn’t going to see him again for a while.

While she wished she saw him more often she couldn’t blame him. She was always glad to see him walk through the door safe.

They talked randomly on and off about what had occurred the last few days in sparse detail.

Reid was telling her a story but was interrupted, “so you and Morgan solved the issue.”

She smirked a little teasing him as she proposed it. It was a very loud way to hint that a mother’s instinct was never wrong and she knew more than she let on.

Reid fought back the urge to roll his eyes and grin at her teasing but the corners of his lips quirked up anyway making a small dimple next to his lip.

He pointed his head down not giving her the pleasure of knowing she was correct.

He shook his head still smiling a little before pursing his lips slightly trying not to laugh as he retorted, “Hmmm? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Diana didn’t fight back and enjoyed that her son still gave into his silly little antics and didn’t let all the trouble he handled ruin his playful personality.

She was glad that whatever issue was fixed as she had grown attached to Morgan despite only having met him once. From the letters Reid wrote she felt like she had known him all of her life.

She felt the same with all his co-workers but she trusted Morgan to protect her son in a way that she couldn’t.

He sat next to her bed as she continued talking to him ignoring her body’s need for rest. He leaned over still speaking as her eyes got heavier and heavier.

He might’ve thought he protected her but his safety would always be her first priority.

Once she was asleep he grabbed the blankets and pillows that the staff had given him so he could set up a makeshift bed on the couch. He snuggled up on his side rearranging himself to the least uncomfortable position before joining her.

Chapter Text

Reid kicked the bed sheets off him violently as they consumed him creating a damp heat to settle on his skin. Much like his hair which was sticking to his neck agitating him.

His tongue felt heavy and hot in his mouth as he smacked it open feeling the ache in his jaw.

The sun was shining through his curtains forcing him to turn the other way, his eyes shut tightly so he could fall back asleep.

Despite his desperation the nagging of his bladder wouldn’t let him rest.

He was disoriented as he sat up in the bed feeling like he would wobble over as the room switched from horizontal to diagonal. He pried one eye open and let the other stay closed as he hadn’t rubbed them to remove the glued together sensation that was common after waking from such a deep sleep.

His fingers trailed his scratched tables and walls as he clumsily made his way to the bathroom and back before dropping himself into bed exhaustedly.

His bedside was cluttered with water bottles that had all been consumed within the last two days.

Hotch had been able to squeeze some time off for his team although with Christmas being just over a month away it wasn’t as simple as it sounded. There would always be more cases but if his team wasn’t functioning at its best assigning them on a case wasn’t of much benefit.

Everyone was ordered to have their phones on at all times and their go-bags packed in case they weren’t given a choice. Reid had suspected that they would be given at least a week with how many hours the BAU had worked in the last two months.

While doing his paperwork on the jet he had thought over his options, keeping two streams of consciousness running through his head.

Caught up in all the mundane activities and work duties Hotch hadn’t considered Reid would stop his pills cold turkey without any mentioning. Although considering recent events it shouldn’t be surprising.

Reid had tried his best to prepare everything so he wouldn’t have to bother his team with the nasty withdrawal symptoms. He had been through withdrawal before and had managed it alone so he presumed he could again.

His water bottles and bagged trashcan were doing little to care for him though his sickness however.

He should’ve anticipated his yearning for his blanket but with it tucked in his bag next to the neglected pills he hadn’t thought to grab it.

The day before he wasn’t struggling with simple task such as getting out of bed but now he was realizing he was in for a much harder time than he thought. Reid wasn’t sure what time it was but he guessed it had been around twelve hours since he last ate.

He had positioned himself back into his bed perfectly, restless without movement as he was too fatigued to fight his body into a healthy arrangment. His knees ached as they were curled into his sternum with his muscles begging to be stretched. An itch sat in his calf, a warning signaling if he were to extend his leg his muscles would spasm.

His throat was beginning to feel parched as he externally sighed from annoyance. He hoped his walls muffled enough of his whining but the apartment complex didn’t even have adequate heating so it was unlikely.

With his frequent bouts of absence he doubted anyone would complain as he was never a bother to those on the opposite side of him.

His body wasn’t considerate of his hydration as his fever kept rising making him sweat out the copious amount of water he had hours prior.

Reid began to question if he had much too high expectations of himself. He debated on asking for help. While he knew nobody would be upset with him he didn’t want to trap anyone into dealing with this on their time off.

Reid’s head was swimming as the neighbors noise began to jumble into his sweaty fever dream making him confused on what was real. He was awaking and dozing off not even aware of when he had actually been conscious as reality and fantasy melded together.

Similar to waking up, closing your eyes, and imagining that you had gotten ready only to realize it was a dream.

As he sulked unable to surrender to sleep due to his suffering he let his body move without his permission as it decided that he would have to lick his wounds later and accept help.

His muscles elongated as he stretched out his arm which had been held to his chest and bent at the wrist to fit under his chin.

His vision was too blurry to read the time but his thumb was scrolling through his contacts and clicking call. He hoped that his action was not one of delirious imagination as he wasn’t sure he contained bravery to call ‘twice’ and make it a conscious decision.

The ringing sounded loud in his ears as it carried on for what felt like far too long. He held his breath, considering hanging up as his heart thumped increasingly faster wanting to escape the cage it was trapped within.

He heard a voice exit the speaker letting him finally exhale. Reid couldn’t remember what he had said to her, only that she said she would be there as fast as he could say her name. She was correct technically as he didn’t attempt to disprove her.

When he heard his doorknob jangle he almost panicked with adrenaline having forgotten someone was on their way but luckily it gave him the boost of energy she needed from him as she instructionally guided him to unlock the door.

Garcia was standing there with a bag in hand and a smile as she grabbed him by the upper arm and walked him further inside so she could shut the door behind them.

“Hey Reid, let’s take a seat here so we can get you some soup,” she steered him to the couch as he seemed unaware of what he was being told to do.

She hadn’t expected the call nor for him to be this sweaty in such cold temperature. She was thankful it hadn’t begun to snow otherwise she wasn’t sure how she would have gotten here.

He had given her very few words to describe what he needed but they were all very insightful having mumbled “sick, food n’ water please?”

She attempted to get more out of him but it was unsuccessful.

Garcia walked over to him with the warm soup and some toasted bread that she had picked up on the way over and put it on the table so it could cool.

She grabbed a water and some napkins before joining him on the couch moving a small plush bat to the corner so she wouldn't squish it.

He had his eyes closed but he seemed to be awake as he responded to her company. He looked over at her before making a dopy contagious smile, an attempt to show thankfulness, which seemed ill-fitting with the state he was in.

She was able to see him clearly as the sunbeams entering from the window hit his skin. Small particles could be seen floating in the light where it shone over the table. No doubt dust from his neglected books and furniture.

Garcia smiled back at him before re-mentioning that she had food for him. He hummed before sitting up slightly and taking the bowl in his hands but making no attempt to eat any.

Garcia wasn’t sure if he was just too out of it to really comprehend what was going on or if maybe he had regressed.

He didn’t seem as shy as he did when she had seen him little at Morgan’s but perhaps that was because he hadn’t been delirious then. He hadn’t spoken much but he wasn’t showing any signs that couldn’t be explained sickness.

Garcia helped him eat the soup but stopped at one point as he almost fell asleep sitting up. His head tilting forward into his chest. She reached her hand out to feel his forehead, pushing his head back up, having to part his sweaty hair.

“Holy crap Reid, you’re burning up,” she exclaimed mainly to herself fumbling off the couch.

She put the bowl down before making her way to the bathroom in search of a fever-reducer. It felt like an invasion of privacy but he had called her for help so that was her main priority. She found some ibuprofen and shook out the appropriate amount to give Reid before helping him swallow it down with some water that he drank thirstily.

Once the bowl of soup was gone he yawned before curling into himself with the attempt to go back to sleep. Garica stopped him before he could get too comfortable and helped him to his room.

She assumed he had been sick yesterday since it was only lunch time and there were enough empty bottles for an army. There was a small trashcan with a bag in it informing her that he has been feeling nauseous.

She was glad he had a little of his appetite back and she optimistically hoped the soup would stay where it was.

Garcia pulled his blankets over him watching as he drifted off instantly. She threw away some of the trash and shut the curtains so he could get an uninterrupted nap.

Garcia made herself comfortable on the couch before calling her neighbor and asking if she would watch her cat while she was gone for the night. After having confirmation Garcia lowered the volume and put the tv on.

She looked back over at the little bat stuffed animal before picking it up. “Well aren’t you cute,” making sure to keep her voice unenthusiastically quiet and setting it back down.

Garcia focused her attention on the tv for a few hours but little of what she was watching was actually being absorbed. She was having a hard time separating the noise of his neighbors in their afternoon lounging from Reid’s restlessness.

Garcia heard him stumble and got up to see what Reid was attempting. She was able to understand his incoherent mumbling that was a product of his annoyance having to give in to normal bodily functions.

Helping him walk to the bathroom gave her a better understanding of why people compared shaky legs to jelly.

Once he was back in the bed his face showed immediate relief as standing alone wore him out. She could see he was more coherent now as his eyes were less glazed over and he made more direct eye-contact.

After asking if he needed anything she returned to the couch coming to terms with the fact that she was in for a very boring night. She picked up one of his books and began reading it finding the scent familiar as apparently the old book smell had imprinted itself on Reid.

She put it down after reading two pages and flipping through unnecessarily. Thankfully she was able to find something she enjoyed watching on his tv soon after, helping the slow hours pass by a little quicker.

Reid wasn’t shuffling as much anymore, finally able to fall into a deep sleep without disturbance.

He was bundled up in his blanket as his body fought internally between freezing heat and burning cold. His room was chilly which was nice on his clammy skin. He would have preferred if it were from air flow but his room did not occupy a fan nor a vent.

Garcia grabbed a throw blanket and made herself at home figuring she wouldn’t have to move for a while. The sun had dimmed significantly when her stomach began to protest at the lack of dinner. She scanned Reid’s kitchen but found nothing of value to eat leaving her to order online.

With more soup of a different flavor placed on the table she woke Reid up having left him to sleep almost the entire day away. It was dark outside, streetlights lit up for those chattering on the sidewalk having just left their houses for a fun night out.

Spencer helped her by carrying some of his own weight to the couch but turned his head to the side at Garcia’s spoonful. The smell was warm and inviting, clearly made with love from a family-owned restaurant.

His stomach did a somersault and his mouth increased its spit production as it got closer to his mouth. He caved into eating a few bites as Garcia begged knowing it was the best way to bribe him.

She didn’t pressure him into eating too much, just enough to help settle the medicine she gave him as it wasn’t good on an empty stomach. She rhetorically requested for him to continue sitting upright on the couch so the food had a better chance of digesting.

When an adequate amount of time had passed she hovered by the bathroom door in case he needed help getting ready for bed. She pulled the blanket up to his neck before rubbing her thumb lovingly over his shoulder.

Garcia returned to the well-loved couch which was soft and easy for her to nestle into, being second-hand when Reid had gotten it. She hadn’t meant to have fallen asleep as quickly as she did but between the boredom and concern she was out like a light.

Noise from beyond the apartment and the rooms over didn’t interfere with her sleep. When she woke up she could sense the sun shining in from behind her eyelids. A small flurry of colors dancing in its place before she jerked upright.

The sound of retching had her rushing into the bedroom. Reid was leaning over the bed heaving. His stomach containing too little for anything to be spit out besides water.

She sat on the bed next to him and began to rub up and down his back while offering comforting words desperately attempting to console him. She let him remain hutched over for a minute before pulling him to lay back down and checking his temperature with the back of her hand.

She stood up to grab some more ibuprofen when she heard him mumble, “blanket.” He did little more than mouth the words, leaving it unpronounced.

“Want me to tuck it in?” Garcia inquired.

He shook his head no before pointing, eyes closed, to where he assumed his bag laid on the floor.

Garcia nodded even though he wasn’t looking at her before reaching into the bag and feeling for the blanket. She looked inside of it after grazing nothing but rough books and papers.

She unzipped the visible pocket and pulled out the small blanket before noticing underneath it was his packet of pills. They were pushed to the bottom having been hidden away.

She dropped the bag softly before looking up at Reid and turning around, blanket still in hand.

“Reid, did you quit your suppressants?” She strived to keep her voice quiet but her discomposure seeped through.

Reid wasn’t following the conversation, only nodding at her question ignorant to the issue.

Garcia felt her face drop as she sat back down on the bed and handed him the small blanket which he latched on too from inclination, no thoughts put behind the action.

Garcia ran her hand over his face which he leaned into subtly. Her cold hand felt wonderful compared to his scolding skin.

Garcia was hesitating as she wavered on what she should do next. His behavior was making much clearer sense than before now that she was piecing the situation together.

On one hand he had called her specifically and she could admit it felt nice to be his first choice. She didn’t want to take away the control he had over this situation and betray his trust.

On the other hand, even though she would willingly take care of him she didn’t feel she could take care of Reid the way he needed if it got any worse. She wasn’t the best suited for this situation out of those who were available.

She went to grab some medicine ignoring Reid’s disappointed whine as her hand left his face.

She was teetering indecisively when her phone began ringing.

When she saw Hotch’s name across the screen she felt a similar pain in her stomach to what she expected Reid was experiencing. A sense of relief flooded her equally as the responsibility of divulging that Reid had quit his suppressants would now be necessary and was taken out of her hands.

“Strauss gave us an urgent case. I’ll need you at the office within the hour. I couldn’t get ahold of Reid, could you give him a call?” Hotch rambled in a hurry to get out the door, expecting nothing less than a peppy yes.

“Sir, that’s going to be an issue,” She faltered. Although she had to tell Hotch she felt guilty. Guilty mostly for being so grateful she has to let the cat out the bag. Reid would understand.

Hotch stayed silent waiting for her explanation.

“So. I’m actually kind of at Reid’s right now and we have a small issue,” She reported trying to keep it lighthearted and avoiding getting to the point.

“Garcia, what is it?” Hotch rushed her remaining calm.

“Well he called me yesterday saying he was sick and I got here and he had a fever. I’ve been taking care of him but,” she halted thinking how to word the situation, “I kind of figured out that it might be because he quit taking the suppressants.”

Garcia didn’t want Reid to get in trouble so her words came off unintentionally defensive. Not that Hotch would be angry at him but his concern can come off a bit harsh.

Hotch took a moment processing the bomb she just dropped on him. They were about to be two men down.

He was happy Reid was quitting but he wished Reid would’ve told somebody so there could be multiple helping hands if needed.

Garcia could hear him sigh through the phone. It wasn’t agitated but she could hear his stress.

“Okay, what would you say his behavior is like?” Hotch’s true question was implied. He needed to know the exact predicament so he could figure out what they were going to do.

“It’s kind of hard to say. He’s been a bit delirious so it’s hard to tell if he’s just too sick to really be present or if he’s regressing. If I were to guess I'd say he’s not but that he’s getting closer every few hours,” Garcia explained.

Before Hotch could respond she continued, “Like for example when I got here he couldn’t eat by himself but he wasn’t really being overly affectionate. But just now when he woke up he asked for his blanket and was acting a bit touch-starved.”

“Alright, I’ll call you back. Keep your phone on for me,” Hotch ordered before hanging up.

Garcia tilted her head up and rolled her eyes as she breathed in before returning to her previous action.

She tapped Reid on his shoulder and got him to sit up a little so he could take a sip of water with the pill. He looked up at her and tried to give a small smile. Garcia sat with him while she waited so he didn’t feel alone.

She left the room when her phone began to vibrate in her pocket.

“Morgan is going to come over and take care of him. After we get off the phone I want you to call him and tell him anything you think he might need. Then when he gets there, get home and shower, then if you can make your way to the office.” Hotch instructed.

Garcia was worried that Morgan coming over would upset Reid but the team wasn’t allowed to work without Hotch present meaning he was the only trustworthy option.

“I know you want to watch him but it’s going to get worse and Morgan can make sure Reid gets everything he needs,” Hotch softened to relieve her guilt. His tone also expressing his appreciation for her having stayed with Reid anyhow.

Hotch was glad he had at least called someone. It was a step in the right direction especially since he hadn’t regressed yet.

Garcia agreed before calling Morgan who was sat in his car shaking his leg impatiently staring at his phone.

Morgan had been getting ready to race into headquarters when his phone went off. His brows furrowed having just gotten off the phone with Hotch ten minutes prior.

“Hey Hotch, what is it?” Morgan was interrupted by Hotch’s overlapped speaking and the background noise of the man’s car.

“You’re not working today. Reid quit taking his suppressants and he’s sick,” Morgan froze as he pictured him alone and ill. Panic was taking hold of him until Hotch continued. “I need you to watch him, Garcia’s with him at the moment and I will have her call you,” Hotch rattled off.

Morgan knew it wasn’t an actual order to watch Reid. That would be extremely inappropriate but Hotch knew he would want to. Although Reid would undoubtedly hate his wording.

He used his nerves to prepare his home for company in a matter of minutes including making sure the bag he had stuffed with Reid’s things was easily accessible.

The phone ringing for once was the most beautiful sound.
“How is he doing,” Morgan spat out before he was even positive the call had connected.

Garcia went over what she had already told Hotch.
“He isn’t really holding food and water down well but there’s nothing to eat here so you need to grab some food that’s easy on his stomach.”

“I’m going to bring him back over to my house. It’s quieter and the insolation is better at my home.” Garcia could agree with that. She hadn’t taken her jacket off the entire time she had been here.

They spoke some more before hanging up, giving Morgan time to stop and grab a few things to eat while Garcia discussed what was happening with Reid.

Reid gave an annoyed groan as Garcia repeated her nagging attempts to wake him.

“Reid, c’mon wake up, I need to talk to you,” She pleaded with him.

He looked up at her with tired eyes waiting for her to spill so he could return to unconsciousness.

“Hotch needs me so Morgan is going to come over and take care of you,” She disclosed hesitantly. She watched him carefully for a reaction but his expression gave no signs to how he was feeling.

Before Reid had gotten sick he had acknowledged this was a possibility and tried to come to terms with it.

He didn’t want to put pressure on Garcia anyhow and he knew it was a matter of time but he felt nervous. Garcia could hand him off or reject him without any judgment and Morgan couldn’t. He didn’t want to be someone’s burden and he couldn’t get that idea out of his head.

It would be close to impossible to try and act how he believed Morgan would want him too as well, on top of the fact that being sick wouldn’t be much fun of an experience. If it went bad Morgan might realize watching him isn’t what he had expected and might change his mind.

Reid was ruminating as he stared at Garcia mutely while she patiently waited for a response.

He nodded his head slightly showing a bit of uncertainty but still agreeing.

When Morgan arrived he hastily made his way up the steps even skipping a few.

Waiting for Garcia to open the door felt impossible. Seconds went by as she left Reid’s bedside where she had stayed, supplying affectionate gestures, to unlatch the door.

She wasn’t surprised by his lack of thorough greeting as he made his way in and began walking to the bedroom after thanking her off-handedly.

Reid was curled up with his blanket to his chest and the actual covers on his bed at his feet having been kicked off of him. The room was chilly but he could smell the sickness in the air as if it was a hot summer.

He didn’t appear to be aware of Morgan’s arrival as he made no movement. Garcia took his spot in the doorway as he moved to sit next to Reid on the bed gently not to startle him.

Reid let out a small hum too unobservant to realize the dip in his mattress was different than it had been previously.

When he felt a hand swipe the hair that was stuck to his forehead back he jerked weakly and opened his eyes. The reaction was similar to the falling sensation that sometimes happened right before falling asleep.

Unhealthy sleep schedules are a known trigger for what people often refer to as hypnic jerks but are properly named as sleep myoclonus. The actual reason for it being involuntary muscle movements that occur when transitioning from one sleep phase to another. Reid was no stranger to them.

He smiled back somewhat embarrassed when he saw Morgan smiling at him, leaning over to be in view. While facial expressions were hard to read at times the smile was full of nothing but reassurance which eased him for the moment.

“Hey pretty boy, me and Garcia are gonna pack you a small bag and you can stay with me till you’re feeling better,” Morgan announced softly. He didn’t want it to feel forced so while he insisted he kept a soothing tone of voice.

Morgan was examining him. Him and Garcia had discussed it over the phone and while he agreed with her belief that he hadn’t regressed yet he could tell he wasn’t but a few pushes away.

Reid hummed before closing his eyes again so they could get him ready.

Morgan’s nickname didn’t slip past him but he wasn’t bothered. He wasn’t big enough for it to have made him feel flustered or that it was used improperly nor was he little enough to be oblivious to what Morgan’s intention was in using it.

Morgan stood up and helped Garcia in grabbing a few things. There wasn’t much that needed to be packed since Reid’s regression items had been left at his home. They walked around to make sure everything was off such as his tv and bathroom light before going to wake him.

Reid grumbled as he sat up using his hand for balance and keeping his eyes shut.

Garcia held back some giggles at his grumpiness while Morgan grabbed some shoes that were easy to get on. When they had been laced he stood back up and put his hand on Reid’s lower back to support him as he led him to stand up, “C’mon, time to go.”

“I got you,” encouraging him as he wobbled unsteadily.

They walked slowly out of Reid’s apartment. The complex was old and not up to standards on disability laws having no elevator. At this rate they were never making it down the stairs.

Garcia double checked that the door was locked while Morgan made a plan in his head.

“Okay pretty boy, we have to go down the stairs,” Reid groaned irritatedly interrupting Morgan. “I know, I’m going to pick you up now okay?”

Morgan had already begun to place his hand on Reid’s back so he could lift him. He was wearily anticipating a refusal but when none came he hoisted him up.

He held him to his chest as his hips wouldn’t be stable enough to carry the boy down so many stairs. Legs were wrapped around his waist securely and Reid’s head was laying on his shoulder.

The staircase was dimly lit like something form an old fashioned horror movie. The carpeted stairs showed the buildings history as it was stained and tattered from frequent use. The wood underneath creaking under their weight.

While Spencer’s apartment wasn’t the fanciest the cozy room he resided in was a stark contrast to the haunting outside.

As they approached the bottom of the stairs Reid was hit with a sudden burst of alertness. He squeezed the blanket that had remained clutched in his fist and blurted out a “stop.”

It was quiet but assertive. Morgan stopped and pulled his head back so he could see Reid.

Reid’s cheeks were pink and not as a result of his fever. He looked uncomfortable for the first time since Morgan had arrived. Reid turned his head around and Morgan realized he was anxious about being carried into the lobby that did have a few stragglers, a few of which Reid might know.

While he had been upset with Reid for having kept it a secret he would understand and support Reid if he decided he wanted to keep it secret permanently to the public considering their job. He might even prefer it himself as it would avoid putting a target on Reid’s back.

He helped Reid down carefully before quickly lifting him back up again as the boy began to lose balance. Reid was relieved at Morgan’s fast pace of action preventing him from falling as vertigo hit him. His vision was still swaying as he buried his head into Morgan.

Reid took deep inhales trying to soothe his stomach which felt like he had swallowed an ocean.

Morgan didn’t know how to handle this bump in the road. He looked at Garcia but she just stared back at him, face full of sympathy.

Garcia walked in front of them to see how many people they’d have to pass.

Spencer began to grip Derek desperately to shield himself as he felt him start walking.

Derek used the arm underneath Spencer to jostle him comfortingly as he felt his shirt crumple up in Spencer’s empty hand. The more he walked the closer Spencer squeezed himself inwards as if he could burrow himself inside of Derek where no one could ever see this part of him.

Derek was distressed upsetting Spencer but there wasn’t another option. He relaxed as he was able to reassure him that nobody had been looking their way as Garcia led them out. The boy loosened his strangulating grip but the tension was still noticeable.

Derek got Spencer settled in the passenger side buckling him in before closing the car door that Garcia had opened for him.

She put Spencer’s bag in the back seat before hugging Morgan goodbye and offering her help if needed when she was off work.

She opened Spencer’s side door and leaned in to give him a side hug before getting into her own vehicle and driving away.

Derek walked around to the driver’s side and started the car. He reached into the back where he had grabbed a small trashcan in case Spencer got carsick. He put it by Spencer’s feet in easy reach.

Derek was letting the car warm up some putting the heat on low as to not bother Spencer who had closed his eyes having exhausted himself.

His fingers were rubbing the edge of the blanket as he adjusted to his surroundings and drop from high emotions.

Derek reached over and tucked Spencer’s hair behind his ear before rubbing his hand over the side of his head to aid in adding more positive stimulation which he was obviously searching for in his rubbing of the blanket. Only stopping when he felt Spencer’s stimming slowed and the car had warmed.

Chapter Text

I’m moving to a new account!
I still plan to update this but I’ll probably rewrite it partially and delete this account in the next two weeks or so! If you still are waiting for a new chapter go subscribe to my new page until it’s posted there
It’s Soft_Sammy. Go to the comments and click on the user from there!
I might post other fics there (different fandoms) as well so if you subscribe and get notifications for those just give it a little bit and I’ll at least post the first chapter so you can subscribe to the fic in particular to avoid other notifs!
The fic will have the same name however so no pressure, just didn’t want anyone to lose this while I shift accounts since I’ll be deleting it!
Thanks!!!