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Dirk wasn’t sure why he let himself get surprised anymore.
He had without a doubt, the weirdest friends ever and they all usually got involved in the dumbest shenanigans that anyone could even think of. And he was a willing participant in said shenanigans more often then he’d like to admit.
So when Roxy created an entire memo begging him to help her out after she “got Jake drunk” he shouldn’t have been surprised that it had even happened in the first place.
And he should be even less surprised that he agreed to help almost immediately.
He had been sitting in his room tinkering with one of his latest projects late one Saturday night when his AR sent him a message on his shades, something he usually didn’t do unless it was urgent.
He looked up from his workbench when he got a numerous amount of notifications from his computer he got up to find- a memo made by Roxy? His stomach sank, this definitely didn’t look good.
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] opened the memo “HLEP SOS”
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] added timaeusTestifield [TT] and gustyGumshoe [GG] to the memo “HLEP SOS”
TG: GUYS I HAVE MADE A HOIRBLE MISTAKE
TG: *HPORIBLE
TG: **HORRIBLE
gustyGumshoe [GG] joined the memo “HLEP SOS”
GG: Woah!
GG: What’s going on Roxy??
timaeusTestifield [TT] joined the memo “HLEP SOS”
TT: Are you dying?
TT: Do you need medical attention of any kind?
TT: Do I need to come over?
TT: Or contact the authorities?
TT: If you don’t respond in the next few minutes I will assume the worst and start heading over immediately.
TG: NO NO
TG: ITS NOFIN LIKE THAT
TG: ITS NOT LIFE OT DEATH
TG: I JUST MESSED YP
TG: RLLY BADLY
Dirk let out a sigh in relief, after taking a moment to compose himself he responded.
TT: Don’t worry me like that Rox.
TG: srry
GG: Ok well,
GG: I’m glad to hear it’s nothing life threatening.
GG: But let's all take a deep breath and calm down!
GG: I’m sure whatever the problem is we can solve it together! :B
TG: ur right janey
TG: so uh
TG: promis u wont get mad
TG: *promise
Dirk sighed again, this time in annoyance. Whenever Roxy made him and or Jane promise something like that it meant she did something seriously idiotic at best and genuinely dangerous at worst.
TT: Depends.
GG: What did you do?
TG: k so
TG: i may or may not
TG: have gotten jakey drunk
TG: drunk as in absolootly shitfaced
TG: ans uh
TG: ima need u 2 on standby
TG: till he sobers up
What.
Jake didn’t always make the smartest choices sometimes, Dirk would know as most of the time he would drag Dirk along for said bad decisions. But even Jake wouldn’t want to do something like teen drinking. His grandma often warned him against it, and he always listened to whatever his grandma said.
So this entire situation was setting off several red flag’s in Dirk’s head right away.
TT: Ok first of all
TT: What.
TG: i dunno shit just happened
TG: we were just talkin bout
TG: uh
TG: stuff
TG: and so i offered him a drimk and one thing led to another
TG: *drink
TG: and one thing led to another and now were bith drunk
TG: *both
TG: it took way more to get him there then i thought it would btw
TG: jakeys no lightweight
Dirk facepalmed.
TT: Oh my god.
GG: Ok I guess that makes sense
GG: What were you two even talking about that led to drinking of all things??
TG: dats not importint
TG: i just rlly need some help ovr here cause i dont trust meself to take care of him like this
TG: *myself
TG: dont want hom doin something stupid yknow
TG: *him
Roxy’s choice of words caused a pit to form in his stomach. First they were talking about something, presumably something serious; and now she was scared he was gonna do something stupid.
Something wasn’t right about this.
TT: What do you mean by something stupid?
TG: nothin srs dw
TG: he just climbd on the table earlyer
TG: *climbed
TG: *earlier
TG: yknow shit like that.
Dirk let out what was probably the fourth sigh of relief of the night.
He was glad it wasn’t anything serious, but he knew Roxy had a point. Jake made reckless choices sober, a drunk Jake was bound to be worse.
There was no way Roxy could handle him in the state she was in.
Dirk resigned himself to his fate.
TT: Alright, alright.
TT: I’ll be over in a few.
GG: I’m coming over too!
GG: I don’t think Dirk will want to deal with two drunk teens on his own.
GG: Not that I don’t think you could.
TT: Nah don’t worry I get it, I appreciate your help Jane.
TG: omg thank u both sm
TG: see u soon
timaeusTestifield [TT] left the memo “HLEP SOS”
Dirk sighed, he reluctantly grabbed his keys and slipped his favorite orange hoodie on over the tank top he was wearing before leaving his apartment.
Something told him tonight was going to be a long night.
~~~~~~~~
Dirk arrived at Roxy’s place soon enough, seeing as she only lived a few blocks away from his apartment.
He knocked on the door to Roxy’s and she opened it a moment later.
ROXY: hey distri.
JAKE: Dirk??
Jake’s voice rang out from behind Roxy. Dirk stepped inside and found out that Jake was sitting on Roxy’s couch, he visibly perked up from whatever he was doing before and stared at Dirk with such admiration you would think his eyes would sparkle like an anime character.
JAKE: Dirk!!!!
He sounded absolutely ecstatic at the sight of the blonde, he reached out his arms and made grabby hands at him, causing Dirk to awkwardly walk over.
Once he was in range Jake grabbed him and dragged him onto the couch, Jake wrapped his arms around Dirk, sitting so close he might as well be in his lap.
JAKE: I’m sooooo happy to see you!!
JAKE: *giggle*
JAKE: I missed you soooo much.
JAKE: Did ya miss me?
This was weird.
Dirk was very shocked by the sudden close contact. (not that he was complaining.) And he wasn’t sure what to make of it.
DIRK: Uh yeah.
DIRK: I missed you too bro.
Jake’s smile was bright enough to light up the sky.
Jake: *gaaaasp*
JAKE: yaaaay!!
Jake cheered like a child, giggling to himself as he nuzzled his face into the junction between Dirk’s neck and shoulder without shame.
Dirk took a deep breath and reminded himself Jake was drunk, there's no way he meant any of this.
It was at that moment that Jane came in.
She stopped in front of the couch, staring at Jake and Dirk like she wasn’t sure what to make of what she was seeing.
Roxy, who was standing next to her and surprisingly much more sober than they both expected, shrugged.
ROXY: He’s been clingin’ to Distri since he got here.
Jane just sighed and facepalmed, Dirk could relate to the sentiment.
JANE: Ok Jake, you’re clearly out of it.
JANE: So let’s get you to bed for now ok?
Jane took a step forward and reached towards Jake, Jake did an entire 180 in mood and instead of keeping himself against Dirk’s chest he held Jake close to his own chest and glared daggers at Jane.
JAKE: No!!
JAKE: I wanna stay with dirky!!
Dirky???? Usually only Roxy called Dirk Dirky so he wasn’t sure what to make of it.
He also wasn’t sure what to make of Jake holding him close in a death grip as though he were a child protecting his favorite toy.
JANE: I’m not saying you have to separate!
JANE: You could uh, go to bed together if that helps.
Jake did not seem satisfied with that answer, for whatever reason. And held Dirk closer. Dirk just decided to go with whatever was thrown at him, he probably wouldn’t have the chance to cuddle with Jake like this again.
He wrapped his arms around Jake’s middle, deciding to get comfortable. Jake gasped in excitement and planted a kiss on Dirk’s head- ok wait what the fuck???
Roxy and Jane seemed just as confused by this development. Jane shrugged off her confusion first and gave Dirk a small glare.
JANE: You’re not helping.
Dirk just shrugged, he was content where he was.
Jane just sighed and kneeled down in front of Jake who was still glaring daggers at her.
JAKE: *groooowl*
Dirk blinked in confusion, his mind not at all computing.
What the FUCK????
Jake had grown up on an island with his grandma for most of his childhood, until she got too old to handle it and took Jake to the states when he was around 13. Because of this Jake had a lot of certain… attributes that stuck around from his time on the island.
For example, he used to carry his guns around forever (it’s a miracle he wasn’t expelled when he pulled them out casually in the middle of class.) he didn’t bathe as much as he should for a while. (He didn’t unlearn that particular habit until Jane, Roxy, and Dirk barricaded him in the bathroom after getting tired of the smell)
But he had never done something as feral as growling. He had always acted too polite for something like that, but maybe Dirk needed to reevaluate his character.
Or maybe he just needed to stop overthinking it, Jake was drunk for fucks sake.
JANE: Jake…
Jane spoke to Jake as though she was trying to soothe a wild animal, which in a way she was the way he kept growling at her like one.
JANE: I’m not trying to… take Dirk away from you.
JANE: I’m just trying to get you to get some sleep.
JANE: You can cuddle Dirk once you’re in a proper bed, ok?
Jane extended her hand towards Jake cautiously, despite her best efforts Jake was not having it.
He lurched forward and bit Jane’s hand, causing her to recoil back and fall over in shock.
JANE: OW!!
ROXY: HOLY SHIT
ROXY: JANE ARE YOU OK!?
Roxy rushed to Jane’s side and kneeled beside her, checking on her hand. Dirk would be over there doing the same thing if Jake wasn’t holding him in such a death grip.
DIRK: Jake what the fuck??
DIRK: You can’t just bite people!!
JAKE: Why noooot?
DIRK: Because that hurts them.
JAKE: And?
Jane looked up from her hand and glared at Jake, Dirk tried really hard not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
DIRK: Why did you even bite Jane anyway??
Jake looked down at him, clearly pouting.
JAKE: I… I didn want her to take you.
Dirk sighed, reminding himself that Jake was drunk so he could not blame him for not thinking logically at the moment.
DIRK: She wasn’t trying to take me.
DIRK: She was trying to get you to go to bed.
DIRK: Which you need to do, you need to sleep this off.
DIRK: If it makes you feel better I’ll stay with you till you the whole time, ok?
Dirk’s compromise does not work, as Jake just whines and nuzzles into Dirk’s hair.
JAKE: I don wanna go to bed either.
DIRK: Why not?
JAKE: Cuz if I doooo tonight’ll be over
Before Dirk could question him further Roxy and Jane stood up from the ground.
ROXY: Ima take Janey to the bathroom to clean this.
JANE: Good luck with the dog over there.
Jane glared at Jake as Roxy led her upstairs. Dirk was certain Jake was going to have to do a lot to make it up to her after all of this was over.
After the girl’s left, Dirk turned his attention back to Jake, only to find he was shaking as he held onto Dirk like a lifeline.
DIRK: Woah hey.
Dirk: What’s wrong bro?
Dirk moved his head out from under Jake, causing him to let out a whine that made Dirk’s heart ache. He had been fine just a second ago. What happened?
JAKE: I don’t WANT tonight to be over!!
JAKE: I wanna stay here with you forever.
JAKE: Or… uh…
JAKE: What numbers after four?
DIRK: Five…?
JAKE: yeah!!
JAKE: I wanna stay with you fivever!
JAKE: which is a ssssssuuuuuper long time!
DIRK: Indeed it is.
Dirk would chuckle at Jake’s silliness if he hadn’t started literally crying. To say Dirk was worried would be an understatement.
DIRK: It’s gonna be ok though, don’t worry.
DIRK: We’ll see eachother tomorrow and shit.
DIRK: It’s not like I’m going to war overseas or some shit.
JAKE: You’re what!?
DIRK: No! No! Jake I’m not actually going anywhere, promise.
Jake seemed relieved at that, but he still held Dirk close with shaky hands. Which made it clear that they hadn’t gotten to the root of Jake’s problem yet.
DIRK: Seriously though, what's wrong?
JAKE: I don’t wanna go to bed.
JAKE: Cuz tomorrow when I get up.
JAKE: I won’t be brave anymore.
Dirk was taken aback by Jake’s answer, of everything Jake could’ve said, Dirk had expected that the least.
DIRK: What?
JAKE: Tmorrow when this… damn wine wears off.
JAKE: I’ll go back to being a coward.
JAKE: I’ll be too scared to give you hugs and kisses like I wanna.
JAKE: I wanna kiss you soooo much Dirk.
JAKE: And it hurts, cuz I’m scared.
JAKE: I don’t want chu to hate me cuz I feel like this.
Dirk was stunned, there was a lot they needed to talk about, tomorrow when Jake was in his right mind. But right now Jake needed Dirk to just be here, to hold him and let him know it was all ok.
Dirk cupped Jake’s cheek with his hand.
DIRK: Jake.
DIRK: Jake, look at me.
Jake looked down at Dirk, his eyes wet with tears and his nose running. Normal people would find this pretty gross, and… it was still pretty gross to be honest, but Dirk was too whipped to care.
DIRK: I could never leave you Jake.
DIRK: You mean so much to me, I don’t know what I’d do without you.
DIRK: Because the truth is, I-
Dirk was cut off when Jake leaned down and captured his lips in a kiss.
It was sloppy, and Dirk could taste the wine on Jake’s breath. But he wouldn’t trade it for the world.
The kiss ended as soon as it started. Afterwards Jake pressed Dirk back onto his chest, a giddy, drunken smile on his face.
JAKE: I love you Dirk~
Dirk’s heart skipped a beat. Jake had said it so easily, it probably would’ve given Dirk a heart attack if he didn’t know Jake was drunk out of his mind.
Dirk was snapped out of his thoughts by Jake’s loud snoring that started seconds later, Dirk chuckled in amusement and nuzzled into Jake’s chest, feeling just as happy as Jake looked.
DIRK: I love you too Jake.
Dirk mumbled his response as he fell unconscious.
~~~~~~~
The next morning Dirk woke up way before Jake, not that he was surprised considering last night’s events.
He wiggled out of Jake’s arms easy enough, considering how Jake was such a heavy sleeper he could sleep through the apocalypse.
Dirk smelled breakfast in the kitchen and followed the smell to find Jane making pancakes as Roxy sat with her head against the table, looking dead.
Dirk sat across from her and poked her head.
DIRK: You alive?
Roxy batted him off without malice.
JANE: You would think she would be used to this by now.
JANE: Considering how much she drinks and all.
Jane set two plates on the table across from Dirk and Roxy, Roxy imminently perked up at the sight and dug in, causing both Dirk and Jane to chuckle.
ROXY: You don’t get it Janey, my head’s poundin’ super hard.
ROXY: It feels like it’s gonna explode.
JANE: Oh hush!
JANE: The painkillers will kick in soon enough!
Jane walked back to the kitchen to continue cooking.
JANE: Dirk, would you mind waking sleeping beauty.
JANE: His breakfast is almost ready.
Dirk winced at the malice in her voice, he knew Jane would forgive Jake eventually. She could never stay mad at any of you long, but she was going to be very harsh towards Jake until she did.
That's what he got for literally biting her hand like a dog though.
Luckily for Dirk, he didn’t have to wake up Jake since he was already awake once he arrived.
He seemed much too distressed for breakfast though, as he sat up on the couch with his head in his hands as though contemplating all of his life choices that led him to that moment.
Dirk suppressed a chuckle. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or nervous that Jake seemed to remember everything for the most part.
DIRK: Sup English?
Jake just about jumped ten feet in the air when he heard Dirk’s voice, turning around and facing him with a panicked look in his eyes.
He let out a shaky breath when he saw it was him.
JAKE: Uh
JAKE: Hey…
They both stood in awkward silence for a moment, trying to think of what to say.
DIRK: Soo..
DIRK: How are you feeling?
JAKE: Like I got smacked in the face with a sack of bricks to be perfectly honest.
Jake chuckled humorlessly.
DIRK: Damn.
DIRK: Must be hell then.
DIRK: You were like 10 feet in the air when you fell.
DIRK: It’s a miracle you didn’t get a concussion from that.
JAKE: Yup it was certainly a doozy huh?
Both boys stayed in silence for another moment.
Unable to take it anymore, Dirk finally spoke up.
DIRK: Jane made breakfast.
With that he turned back around and left the room.
~~~~~
Breakfast was an awkward affair, with Jane glaring at Jake the moment he entered the room. If looks could kill that man would have disintegrated by now.
It didn’t help that Jake’s confession hung over the boys like a guillotine, making it so Jake was only comfortable talking to Roxy, but even then he didn’t say much.
After a moment of awkward silence Jake took a shaky breath and turned to Jane.
JAKE: Look Janey I’m really sorry-
Jane put a hand up, cutting him off before he could continue
JANE: It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.
Jane stood up and took her plate to the kitchen, leaving Jake sitting there looking like a kicked puppy.
Roxy sighed and stood up.
ROXY: Don’t beat yourself up over it, Jakey.
Based on her tone and the serious look on her face Dirk almost felt like she wasn’t just talking about what happened with Jane last night. But in the blink of an eye she was back to wearing her usual smile and she turned on her heel and followed Jane into the kitchen, leaving Dirk and Jake alone at the table.
The boy’s sat in silence for a while, Dirk decided to put Jake out of his misery and spoke up first.
DIRK: Is everything ok man?
Jake looked up from the plate he had been staring at to avoid eye contact.
JAKE: W-whatever do you mean?
DIRK: Dude.
DIRK: You went to Roxy’s house to talk about something and ended up getting absolutely wasted.
DIRK: And I’ve never seen you even entertain the thought of drinking.
DIRK: You’re so against it you put scandalized helicopter moms to shame.
DIRK: The type of mom that would clutch her pearls and drag the entire family to church for the entire week if she found out her little Timmy did some pre-marital hand holding.
DIRK: Ok that metaphor was one of my weaker ones.
DIRK: But the point is, it’s unlike you.
DIRK: So are you ok man?
Jake blinked twice as he looked over at Dirk, his hungover brain probably struggling to process what the fuck Dirk was saying.
After a moment he looked away again with a troubled sigh.
JAKE: I…
Jake opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly struggling to find the right words.
Dirk bit the bullet and grabbed Jake’s hand from across the table.
Jake tensed up for a moment and looked at Dirk, absolutely bewildered. Dirk did his best to offer what he hoped was a comforting smile.
DIRK: Hey take your time, it’s all good.
Jake gave Dirk a shaky smile and gave his hand a squeeze.
He took a deep breath and spoke up quietly.
JAKE: Roxy and I…
JAKE: I had been “airing out some dirty laundry” so to speak.
Dirk: meaning…?
JAKE: She was helping me figure out some… private matters.
Dirk’s eyes widened behind his shades as he started putting the pieces together.
JAKE: I didn’t mean for things to get out of hand, honest!
JAKE: I just wanted to get the edge off of things.
JAKE: One thing just led to another and…
Jake slammed his head on the table hard enough to make Dirk wince.
JAKE: And now I’ve gone and made a real mess of everything, haven’t I?
DIRK: Jake.
DIRK: Look at me.
Jake slowly lifted his head enough where the two could get eye contact, Dirk accepted it as the best he was going to get for now.
After a moment of brief deliberation he slipped his shades off his face and placed them on the table beside him.
He heard Jake’s breath hitch as he turned back to look him in the eye.
DIRK: It’s ok, seriously.
DIRK: No one’s mad at you about what happened last night, it was all kind of funny to be honest.
DIRK: And if you’re worried about the kiss then-
JAKE: THE WHAT-
Jake stood up from his chair so fast it fell down behind him. His eyes were comically wide and he looked like he wanted to cry and or hyperventilate.
Was… that not what this is about?
DIRK: Is this not about the kiss…?
JAKE: NO!?
JAKE: I DON’T REMEMBER ANYTHING PAST BITING JANEY!!
JAKE: OH JIMINY CHRISTMAS IS THAT WHY YOU’VE BEEN SO CROSS WITH ME!?
DIRK: What?? No, I’m not mad at you- what gave you that idea??
JAKE: YOU’VE BEEN ACTING OFF ALL MORNING!!
DIRK: Yeah?? Because I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk about the confession or not…
Dirk trailed off as Jake froze, his face going pale.
JAKE: Oh my god…
Jake began to pace back and forth.
Dirk should’ve known that mentioning the confession would just make things worse, since he clearly didn’t remember it.
DIRK: Jake listen it’s-
JAKE: I can’t believe it.
Jake: I mean,I’ve always been a bloody idiot but this just takes the cake!
DIRK: Jake-
JAKE: Oh gadzooks Dirk! No wonder you’ve been acting so awkward, can't be easy to reject someone while they’re drunk as a sailor.
DIRK: Jake-
Jake: I swear I’ll get over it, I don’t want something like this to get between our bro-ship… that is if we’re still friends after this, Oh good golly, I’ve really screwed everything up! I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to-
DIRK: JAKE.
Jake stopped pacing and turned to face Dirk, very clearly on the verge of tears. Dirk stood up from the table and crossed over to him.
Jake looked like a deer in headlights, like he wanted nothing more than to run away and never look back. But he didn’t and instead held his breath and waited for Dirk to finish approaching.
Dirk, in a rare moment of bravery cupped Jake’s cheeks with his hands. Jake flinched away from the touch at first before leaning into it.
DIRK: It’s ok dude.
DIRK: Breathe, it’s gonna be ok.
Dirk knew his comforting skills were pretty shit, but it seemed to help regardless, Jake took a couple deep breathes and calmed down.
Dirk took a deep breath of his own; he hated being vulnerable, but that's what Jake needed from him. So he did it anyway.
DIRK: First of all, I would never leave you for something like this. You mean a lot to me.
Jake opened his mouth to reply but Dirk cut him off.
DIRK: Let me finish.
DIRK: Second of all…
Dirk took another deep breath.
DIRK: I… feel the same way dude.
Jake’s eyes widened comically.
JAKE: Y…You do?
DIRK: Yup. one-hundred percent sincerity here, not ironic in the slightest.
Jake smiled giddy, resting his forehead against Dirk’s.
JAKE: Oh, jeeze…
JAKE: Now I just feel like a real bloke for freaking out like that.
DIRK: Nah I get it.
DIRK: I would probably do the same thing if I were in your shoes, to be honest.
Jake giggled lightly at that and Dirk found himself chuckling alongside him, unable to hide his unbridled joy.
JAKE: Wow, you really like me… thats… wow.
JAKE: Would you uh… maybe wanna go out sometime?
DIRK: Yea… I think I’d like that a lot.
The boys stayed like that until Roxy and Jane came back into the room, neither of them noticed the girls come in so when Jane cleared her throat they both jumped away from each other as though burned.
Even if Roxy and surprisingly Jane teased them endlessly for the rest of the day, it was still probably the best day of Dirk’s life.
~~~~~
Years down the line, long after the pair had graduated high school and even college; Dirk would remember that fateful night at Roxy’s as he carried Jake into the house after a night out, where he had a little too much to drink.
After Dirk laid him down on their bed, he wasn’t surprised when Jake whined when he tried to move away, nor when he yanked Dirk into bed to cuddle with him.
Dirk chuckled as Jake pulled him down and nuzzled into his chest with a big smile on his face.
JAKE: I love you Dirk~
Dirk smiled and kissed Jake’s chin.
DIRK: Love you too, Jake.