Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Regulus

_

In some places, time is stagnant.

Nothing grows but the grass, which dies as soon as it pokes out of the cracked dirt. The sun is merciless, and it comes day after day. Beating down, an unrelenting force. Time, as Regulus has learned, doesn’t always ease the sting. It still burns, creeping up his throat. And sometimes, he tilts his head up to the sky. Forces himself to look up at the sun, letting the full force of its brightness paint spots in his vision. It’s a masochistic pastime, like poking a bruise to feel it ache.

“Hey, pretty boy.”

“Hi, Susanna, cigarettes?” Regulus asked her even though he knew the answer. She’d been telling people she was quitting, so he figured he at least ought to pretend.

“My usual," she nodded. "And twenty on pump two. Though, I guess I don’t gotta tell you which pump, seeing as you only have one working,” she scoffed.

“Yeah, yeah,” Regulus muttered, scanning the three packs of cigarettes she always bought. He slid them across the counter. “I’m working on it.”

“Your daddy would've had it fixed by now,” she said crossing her arms.

“Unfortunately,” Regulus rolled his eyes, “I’m all you’ve got, so you’re gonna have to deal.”

“I had to wait ten minutes for Johnny Mackman to fill up that gigantic eyesore of a truck,” she complained.

“Tough luck.”

Susanna eyed him for a moment before huffing out a sigh. “Someone’s going to fix that little attitude of yours one day.”

“They can try. Go pump your gas, Susanna, before I have the next person in here complaining because you took too long.”

Susanna practically tossed her cash at him before turning sharply. Regulus watched the woman go, the bell jingling as the door shut behind her. He wasn’t worried, no doubt she’d be back in a few days and they’d go through the same script.

In a few weeks, he’d finally get the pump fixed and in a matter of time, something else would break. The door or pump one. Maybe the bathroom if God was feeling particularly vindictive. Whatever it was, everyone would complain about it and Regulus would tell them to suck it up. Things didn’t change. Or at least, it’d been a long time since they had.

Sure enough, a few minutes later the door opened. Gideon, the local mechanic stalked in unhappily.

“That woman is taking forever,” he complained leaning over the counter to glare at Regulus.

“I know.”

“You’ve gotta get your pump fixed.”

“I know.” Regulus’ attitude was not new to anyone and Gideon was entirely unbothered by his glare.

“So, how’ve you been, Regulus?” Gideon asked. He cast one more annoyed look to where Susanna was pumping her gas, admittedly, taking her sweet time. He sighed and turned back to Regulus.

“Nothing new," Regulus said simply.

“Eh, when is there ever? You seen Remus?”

“This morning, yeah.”

“If you see him tonight, tell him I’ll be down to look at that truck of his tomorrow. Alright?”

“Can't you just tell him it’s beyond repair?” Regulus asked hopefully.

“We’ll see,” Gideon shrugged. “I hope you didn’t sabotage it just because you hate that thing. It's a good truck, only a little on the old side, but aren’t they usually?”

“Except for Johnny’s, apparently.”

Gideon’s face twisted in disgust. “Gosh, I don’t know where he even got the money for that monstrosity. If you’re going to buy a fancy brand-new pickup, why choose something that ugly?”

“I hear he had some affair. He knocked the girl up and her dad paid him big money to keep quiet.”

“Damn,” Gideon’s eyebrows shot up. “Guess it didn’t work if you heard, huh?”

“In this place?” Regulus scoffed. “Of course not.”

Outside, Susanna finally pulled out of the parking lot and Gideon straightened up. "Shit, I better get my gas before another one of these fuckers beats me to it. See you, Reg. Tell Remus I’ll be down on my lunch break tomorrow. But if that thing keeps breaking, no more favors!”

“I’ll tell him.”

The rest of the day passed as always. More people complained, Regulus rolled his eyes at them. Life crawled by. 

Alice, one of his few other employees came in two minutes late, as she always did. As usual, Regulus threatened to fire her, but they both knew he wouldn’t. When he pulled his truck down the gravel driveway to his house, the night was warm. He jumped out and slammed the door, no doubt alerting the house's occupants to his presence. He could hear the bugs singing, a gentle song in the cool blue of dusk. His eyes caught on the tire swing at the far end of the yard. It swayed faintly in the breeze. Regulus blinked away the ghosts that lingered there.

The porch light was on, and the screen door propped open. Warm light from the house filtered into the night, leaving a strip of brightness on the lawn. Regulus climbed up the porch steps. He skipped the second step out of instinct. It had caved during a storm last year and had never been fixed. God, if his parents could see the state of the house, they’d lose their shit. Unfortunately for them, they were dead, so that wasn’t really Regulus’ problem anymore. He didn't take joy in causing them to roll in their graves, but he’d reprioritized a little.

Regulus shut the screen door. He paused in the entryway to peel off a sharp grass sticker that’d stuck to the bottom of his pants. The grass had begun to grow wild, and Regulus swore the blasted stickers wound up on every inch of him.

“We need to mow the lawn,” Regulus complained as he stepped into the warm kitchen.

“I think I said that last week,” Remus commented from the kitchen table. He barely looked up from his book as Regulus came in. “There’s dinner on the stove.”

“Boxed mac and cheese?” Regulus asked scooting around Remus’s chair to peer into the pot. “I’m surprised Luna didn’t inhale it all.”

“She tried, I rescued you some,” a soft voice said from the doorway.

“Thanks, Pandora,” Regulus told her, glancing towards the doorway. He grabbed a fork from the drawer, taking a bite right from the pot.

“Get a bowl, Reg,” Remus complained. He grabbed a random envelope from the table, using it to mark his page before snapping the book closed.

Regulus ignored him, continuing to eat at the stove as Pandora pulled out chair. She sat down with a tired sigh. 

“Are the little monsters asleep?” Regulus asked her.

“Finally,” Pandora nodded. “You’d think preschool would tire Luna out, but if anything, she comes home with more energy than ever.”

“She’s three,” Remus pointed out. “I think that’s the prime years for too much energy.”

“Better than the terrible twos,” Regulus muttered before hungrily taking another bite.

“That’s true,” Pandora grimaced. They sat in silence for a moment, no doubt remembering the horrifying, awful year that had been the terrible twos. Luna had grown out of the tantrums, thankfully. Now she was generally, a pretty quiet kid, but she also had more energy and awe for the world than most. She was very curious. This meant Regulus was often forced to answer a string of strange questions.

“Gideon says he’ll come see your truck tomorrow,” Regulus said taking another bite and swallowing before dropping his fork in the pot.

“Good,” Remus said tiredly. “I’m sorry, Reg, I cannot have you drive me to work one more time. You are the most horrid driver I’ve ever met.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck yourself.”

Pandora ignored this exchange. She propped her feet onto Regulus’s unoccupied chair as he leaned back against the stove. “You need anyone to pick up a shift this Sunday?” she asked Remus. “Molly Weasley invited the kids over. I guess Arthur got a raise and they bought a little pool. As long as you’re good with that, Reg, I figured we can let Molly have them for the day.”

“Fine with me, gives me a day to catch up on some shit for the store,” Regulus shrugged.

“Is it warm enough for the pool?” Remus raised his eyebrows. “Summer isn’t quite here yet.”

“They’re kids. Once it’s above sixty degrees they’re ready for the water. Don’t you remember how you boys used to be down by the creek as soon as winter was gone?” Pandora questioned.

Regulus didn’t flinch at "you boys" it’d been a long time since he had. Instead, he pretended that she only meant Regulus and Remus. He remembered it in a vacuum. Regulus pretended he only remembered Remus at the creek. Teaching him to skip stones, wading up to their knees, nothing more.

Remus rose from his seat, and Regulus watched as he winced, rolling his neck. He wondered if Remus pretended too, that wasn’t really something they talked about.

“Well, I can put you on the schedule, it never hurts to have another server. Especially on Sunday, when everyone comes in after church,” Remus said reaching past Regulus to grab the pot.

“Thanks, Remus,” Pandora smiled. “You’re the best.”

“Course,” he muttered. “You gonna finish this, Reg?”

Regulus snatched the fork out of the pot, taking another bite of the mac and cheese while Remus shook his head in disapproval. “Now I’m done.”

“If only everyone knew you’re an absolute heathen,” Remus shook his head, removing the pot from Regulus’s reach.

“I think they do,” Regulus shrugged.

From the other room, the phone began to ring and Remus sighed.

“I’ve got it,” Regulus told him. “And sit back down, I’ll take care of the pot.”

Remus listened, only because he knew by now how terribly stubborn Regulus was. Arguing would be pointless.

Regulus stepped into the hallway. He picked up the phone, tucking it between his cheek and shoulder. “Hello?” he asked as he headed back into the kitchen grabbing a Tupperware to scrape the leftovers into.

There was a moment of silence and Regulus was about to hang up, figuring it was a prank call or something. Then, there was a crackle on the other end of the line.

“Re-lus?” The voice was distorted over the phone, the middle of the word cutting out. Regulus frowned. Even with the fuzzy quality, it was incredibly familiar.

“Yeah, this is Regulus speaking. Who’s this?”

There was another crackle and suddenly, the sound became clearer. “It’s me.”

Regulus froze. “Sirius?”

There was a sudden bang as Remus turned so sharply, he knocked his glass of water over in shock. Pandora quickly stood, grabbing the glass before it could roll away. She ripped a paper towel from the roll on the table, leaning down to mop up the mess before it could spread. Remus just looked at Regulus eyes wide.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“I—” Regulus swallowed thickly. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I mean, no… kind of. Um, I assume news hasn’t reached town yet, but Effie died a few weeks ago.”

“Effie’s dead?” Regulus repeated, suddenly remembering the soft woman. How kind she had always been. Regulus hadn’t thought about her in a long time, not since the Potters had left town.

“Yeah, the cancer finally got the best of her. I guess even the fancy East Coast doctors can only do so much. Though, it's still better than anything she would have gotten back there.” Sirius said there, referring to their hometown—Regulus’ home—as if it were a curse word.

“What do you want?” Regulus snapped and Sirius was silent for a long moment.

“I’m not trying to fight Reggie, I just want to talk.”

“We haven’t talked in six years,” Regulus scoffed. “With all due respect, Effie was great, but I don’t see why you think I care enough to call.”

“Firstly, you never tried to call me either, and secondly, you do care.” Sirius insisted. “I know you always loved her—”

“She wasn’t my mother,” Regulus scoffed. “Cut to the fucking chase.”

Regulus expected Sirius to snap at him or hang up the phone and that would be that. No more Black brothers, no Sirius and Regulus, just as it’d been since Regulus was seventeen. But much to his surprise, Sirius huffed out a long breath as if he was trying to steady himself. He didn’t curse Regulus out or hang up the phone.

“The Potters still own their house, Effie always wanted to go back if she—” Sirius broke off. “Well, you know. But obviously, that didn’t happen so now that house is sitting empty. I think they’ve been paying Augusta Longbottom to upkeep it, but it’s time to sell it. It's got to be emptied out though, so we were going to be coming down for a few weeks to get things in order.”

“We?” Regulus repeated, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah, James and I,” Sirius said as if ‘we’ couldn’t possibly mean something else. Really, it didn’t, Regulus wasn’t sure why he’d even asked. There was no Sirius without James, and no James without Sirius.

“You’re coming here?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Okay, great, whatever. I don’t see what that has to do with me.”

“I- I wanted to see you.”

“No,” Regulus said instantly.

“Reggie—”

“No! No, absolutely not. You do not get to call me up after six fucking years and then act like you want to… what? Reconnect? No way. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to see you. You made your bed, so lie in it.” Regulus hung up the phone before Sirius could say anything else. Anything that would drive the jagged blade any deeper. It had been rusting in his chest for six years. It remained there, a sharp reminder with every exhale.

“Reg?” Pandora questioned softly into the silence that followed.

Regulus just stood there, heart twisting in knots. “Stupid, fucking inconsiderate, piece of absolute—”

“Daddy?”

Regulus broke off suddenly, spinning to face the doorway, softening instantly. “Why are you up?” he asked gently.

Blinking with wide eyes, the little boy just stood there for a moment. His black curls were sticking up in the back and Regulus sighed, holding out a hand to beckon him forward. “C’mere, Cassie.”

Smiling, he bounded forward launching himself into Regulus’s arms. “I missed you!”

“I saw you this morning Cassiopeia,” Regulus pointed out. He pressed a kiss to the boy's forehead anyway as he lifted him up.

“That was far away ago.”

It was a mark of how shocked Remus still was by the phone conversation that had taken place that he didn't say a word. Normally, he would have tried to kindly correct Cassie’s grammar, but now he was silent, fists clenched tightly.

A part of Regulus wanted to scream.

How dare you still be in love with him.

But really, that’d be a little hypocritical.

“Let’s get you to bed, you have school in the morning," Regulus murmured. he swallowed the scream that itched at the back of his throat. The taste of blood was heavy on his tongue.

“Will you read me a story?” Cassie asked hopefully.

“I bet you ten bucks, that Auntie Pandora already read you and Luna a story.”

“Daddy,” Cassie frowned. “I have one dollar.”

“Don’t worry, you can keep it,” Regulus told him gently. Any conflicting feelings he had about hanging up on Sirius were suddenly gone. He knew his priorities; he wasn’t about to disrupt his carefully balanced life for a brother who had never wanted him anyway.

Remus

_

It wasn’t that Remus never thought of Sirius Black. That was probably an impossible feat. Especially, seeing as every inch of town was painted with reminders.

Sirius was the kind of person who had never existed quietly. Everything about him drew attention, even when he was a child it was like he was born to shine. Remus had always been entranced by him. The first time they’d met, Remus had been four. He was sitting at the counter of his parent’s diner, scribbling on a piece of paper while his mother worked. Then, a toddler had come running over. He’d looked up at Remus with wide eyes. At a whole four years, old, Remus thought the little boy was a baby, not like himself. He’d looked around for the boy’s parents, but no parents came. Instead, another boy had appeared over, grabbing the toddler by the hand.

“No, Reggie! Come on, Reggie,” the second boy said. “Papa is waiting.

“Is that your brother?” Remus asked. At the time, he’d been longing for a baby sibling, and he looked at the pair with wide eyes.

“His name is Reggie,” Sirius had told him seriously. “We gotta go. Papa is waiting.”

“What’s your name?”

“Sirius.”

“Sir-i-us…” Remus said slowly, trying out the syllables.

“What’s your name?” Sirius asked.

“Remus.”

“That’s a funny name.”

Remus frowned unhappily. Who was this kid to speak? Sirius was a funny name too!

Before Remus could tell him so, a tall man appeared taking the boys by the arm and ushering them out of the diner. That had been that. Except, when they started school that fall, Sirius plopped down next to Remus. He'd started talking as if they were already friends. As if it were nothing. After that, Remus became Sirius’. To that day, even in his mid-twenties, somehow, he still was.

Everything felt like Sirius, even the diner. The only thing that had always belonged more to Remus.

“I can come by on my break,” Regulus said with a frown as Remus began to lay out some crayons on the counter.

“You’re fretting,” Remus rolled his eyes. “Stop that.”

Regulus somehow managed to frown harder. “I’m serious, Rem, I feel terrible for dumping him on you—”

“Nope,” Remus held up a hand. “Enough of that. It’s better to have a kid here than at the gas station. I spent tons of time at the diner as a kid. Cass will color, I’ll keep an eye on him. All my staff will come over to coo over how precious he is and not do their jobs. You know the drill. Go to work so poor Alice can go home. If you have time to come by on your break, then great. If not, Cassie and I are fine.”

Regulus took a deep breath, a deep frown still painting his lips. “I just hate this. I never work Saturdays, that’s the one day I get with him. If Evan is still sick next week I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“He has a cold,” Remus pointed out. “They don’t last that long. For today this is fine. Sure, it’d be better if you didn’t have to work, but you have to cover Evan’s shift. With Pandora out of town today, there’s nothing else to be done. We’re fine, so get the fuck out of my diner.”

“Fine,” Regulus shook his head. “Cassiopeia, I’m going.”

Cassie was already happily absorbed in trying to make his crayons stand up straight. He paused just long enough to let his father kiss him on the cheek before turning back to his task.

“See,” Remus raised his eyebrows. “Cass doesn’t even need you.”

Regulus punched Remus lightly on the arm as he headed towards the door. “Fuck you, Lupin!”

“Fuck you!” Remus called as Regulus disappeared, finally removing himself and his incessant worrying from Remus’ diner.

Remus had Luna and Cassie in the diner often. It was a hazard of having kids. They struggled to find childcare, even when they were technically a three-parent household. They were lucky that Remus and Regulus had both inherited businesses from their parents. Pandora hadn’t been so lucky. When she’d gotten pregnant, she had been floating from job to job. She was still so young. She had nothing to her name and in the past, was estranged from her family. As Regulus had decided, the logical conclusion was to move in together.

Remus had been living with Regulus since he’d called him up at eighteen. Regulus had been in a frantic panic, saying that he’d gotten a girl pregnant and now had a baby. Remus had gone over that night, and they’d read over every book they could find about raising a child. At the time, it only made things more confusing. A day later Pandora showed up. As a former babysitter, she had the most knowledge of children. Slowly, as a team, they began to piece things together. Pandora had practically lived there since then, so it wasn’t a big shift when she became a permanent member of the household.

Together, while unconventional, the three of them had built a life, a routine. Remus knew that most of the town was convinced Pandora and Regulus were in a relationship. They let people believe it. With their combined incomes, they were able to live as comfortably as possible. Of course, good times came and went, but combined, they kept shit together. There had been a year when a twister had damaged the diner so extensively, they’d been closed for seven months. Remus was grateful every day. If it weren’t for Regulus and Pandora, he would have ended up broke, on the streets, or maybe in the same trailer park he’d been born in.

He knew he’d made it this far because of the people around him. It’d been his parents' years of saving and hard work that meant Remus didn’t have to grow up the same way they did. Instead, he’d lived in an actual house since he was ten. And even the days in the trailer when the diner had first started out, meant Remus never had to go to bed hungry.

So sometimes, Remus felt guilty. Like he hadn’t earned any of the things he had. The diner was his because his mother had died, and his father couldn't bear to set foot in the place any longer. Remus didn’t deserve it. He'd ended up doing well enough for himself. No surprise teen pregnancies at least. So, Remus wanted to watch Cassie when it was needed or secretly pay Pandora’s part of a bill whenever he could. Both of his friends had children, and Remus only had himself, so he was happy to help out. he wanted to help them lessen their load however possible.

It didn’t hurt that Remus absolutely adored Luna and Cass. He’d always believed he didn’t like children, and he never thought he’d have them anyway. Remus Lupin had known he was gay from the time he was in preschool. He had no interest in marrying a girl he couldn’t love. That was a death sentence for his prospects of having a family. One might think, but, Remus, you could adopt. Yeah, no. Might as well slap a red sign on his forehead reading: I'M GAY.

You didn’t come out in his hometown, not that far south. He was sure many people guessed he was gay as he’d never so much as had a girlfriend, but there was a certain kind of code. As long as he never said anything and never got caught kissing a boy, it was fine. He kept his respect and his business. That was that. Coming out… was a New York or California kind of thing. Not for Remus, not for the middle of fucking nowhere.

Remus didn’t really mind anyway. He was out to the few people closest to him, and that was good enough. A lot of people wanted more, bigger, elsewhere… not Remus Lupin, thank you very much. He was happy where he was. He had Regulus, Pandora, the kids, and his diner. Remus didn’t need more.

“Hi, excuse me?”

Regulus turned. The first thing he registered was the shocking fact that he didn’t recognize the woman. Occasionally, they got people traveling through, but even many of those, he tended to recognize. There was a family that road-tripped through every summer. They would always stop at the diner and the same truckers popped up every once in a while. An entirely unrecognizable newcomer was rare, especially as the woman didn’t seem like a truck driver.

“Yes?” Remus asked as the woman smiled pushing her long red hair.

“I just wanted to know if I’m able to order something to-go?” She questioned. “My friends are on their way over.”

“Course, did you need to wait a minute for them?”

“Please,” she said and everything about her screamed that she wasn’t from around. She was far too tanned for how early in the summer it still was— unless she were a farmer, but then Remus would recognize her. Her ears were pierced in multiple places, dainty gold earrings hanging off them. The earrings glinted prettily, and they looked expensive and delicate. Not to mention she had bright red hair. The only redheads Remus knew were the Weasleys, and she didn’t look like a Weasley.

“Let me get you a menu to look over,” Remus said, turning to the other side of the counter to grab one for her. Cass was still seated happily at the counter, doing some drawing that included a lot of yellow crayon and scribbling. So far as Remus had expected, the little boy was well-behaved. Earlier in the day, he'd gotten antsy and they’d had to go for a walk. Now, he seemed content, drawing and munching on the french fries Remus had given him.

The door opened. Out of the corner of his eye Remus saw the redhead turn with a greeting, but paid no mind. For some reason, none of the menus were where they belonged, and he had to dig around to find a stray one.

“Moony, Moony!” he heard Cass call from the counter.

“Hold on, baby.”

“Uncle Moony! Please look!”

Remus straightened with a sigh finally finding a menu. “Cassie, remember we talked about the fact that I’m working—" Remus stopped dead, as suddenly he was face-to-face with Sirius fucking Black.

They blinked at each other for a minute both staring in shock before Sirius’s lips (as perfect and pretty as always, goddamnit) twisted in confusion. “You’re not supposed to be here.” Sirius said blankly.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Remus muttered.

“I heard this place was under new management.”

“Yeah, mine.”

“Oh.”

“Uh, hi, Remus?”

Remus tore his gaze from Sirius’s face. He tried not to think about the fact that his hair was longer now, and he was wearing fucking leather. There, standing next to the redhead, was James Potter. Because God had apparently forsaken Remus. Shit.

Technically, he’d known Sirius and James would be back in town since Sirius had called a few weeks earlier. However, knowing and seeing them standing there in his diner, were two different things.

Remus squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath before opening them again. “Hi, James," he said flatly.

“Uncle Moony?” Cassie was looking between them eyes wide and yellow crayon held aloft as he scrutinized the newcomers.

“Sorry, Cassie, what was it you wanted?” Cassie was still frowning, and Remus reached across the counter to gently pull on one of his curls. “Hey, it’s okay. Did you want to show me your drawing?”

Cassie frowned for a second longer before nodding seriously. He pushed it towards Remus. “Look, it’s our family.”

“Oh wow, that’s very nice.” Remus smiled, even though he couldn’t make out a single person-shaped figure amongst the scribbles.

“That’s Daddy,” Cassie nodded, pausing as he pointed to a section of scribbles. “Well, he’s under there. I gave him a blanket. And then there’s Auntie Pandora, and you, and Luna. See I did her hair.” Ah, so that’s what the yellow had been for.

Remus couldn’t help but smile even though he could feel Sirius’ gaze drilling a hole right through him. “That’s very nice, I like all the yellow,” Remus said gently.

“Thank you! Can I have more fries, please?”

“Nope, your dad will be mad at me. You’ll have dinner soon.”

“Can we have fries for dinner?”

“You can ask Dad, but he’ll say no.”

Cassie huffed out a sigh, peering down into his empty container of fries and then back to his drawing. He leaned forward, adding a bit more yellow to the monster that was Luna’s hair.

Remus shook his head, turning back to his customers— because that’s what they were, regardless of who they’d been in the past.

“Did you still want to place a to-go order?”

“Sure…” the woman said uncertainly. Sirius just continued to stare and James shifted uncomfortably. “I’m Lily, by the way.”

Remus blinked at her for a moment before pushing the menu he was still holding toward her. “Remus.”

“Nice to meet you, Remus.”

“I’d say likewise, but really, y’all are ruining my night here.”

The door opened and Remus held back a sigh. He was thankful to have another customer or something to focus on. Anything besides the way Sirius’ bright eyes were on Remus like he physically couldn’t look away.

Instead, the person who walked in was the only one who could make the situation more uncomfortable.

“Sorry, Rem, I tried to get out earlier, but Alice came in late—” Regulus stopped dead in his tracks. Remus tried to contain his wince, but he couldn’t help it as both James and Sirius looked at Regulus. Remus felt the tension in the diner increase a tenfold.

“Daddy!” Cassie tried to scramble down from his stool. Instantly, Regulus was pushing past the guests, catching the little boy before he could topple over.

“Jesus, Cassiopeia,” Regulus frowned. “We’ve talked about this, if you can’t be careful on the stools you can’t sit on them.”

“Daddy, can we have fries for dinner?”

“We have food at home, where’s your bag?” Cassie pointed to the corner behind the host stand and Regulus put Cassie safely on the ground. “Okay, go grab it please.”

As Cassie ran off to the corner, Regulus’ gaze flicked to Remus, and they held each other's eyes for a second. Regulus mimed hold a gun to his head in a silent gesture and Remus swatted at him from across the counter.

“You know I don’t appreciate your suicide jokes,” Remus scolded under his breath.

Regulus rolled his eyes. “I figured this once I’d get a pass,” he muttered. His eyes flicked over to Sirius and James, before back to Remus, almost like he was afraid to look.

“That’s your kid? You- you have a son, Regulus?”

Regulus turned to his brother, mouth twisting. “That’s not any of your business.”

Remus could see it, the exact moment Lily seemed to realize that the two were brothers. Her gaze switching between them as they stared off. The two bore a lot of similarities. Though lessened now that they both seemed to have found freedom in themselves. Still, under the differences in their styles and the way they held themselves, the resemblance was striking. Even more so as Cassie ran back over, his bag in hand. He attached himself to Regulus’s leg and Remus watched as all of them— Lily, Sirius, and James all looked down at him. Remus tried to imagine he didn’t know Cassie as if he were his own son. To imagine how he might look to someone who was seeing him now, for the first time.

Cass was Regulus’s spitting image in most aspects. His dark curls were exact, as was the swoop of his nose and the tilt of his lips. He had the same freckles across his cheeks and the same long lashes. The only difference was their skin and eyes. Cassie wasn’t quite as pale, his skin had a little more color than his father's. As for their eyes, Regulus’s eyes were dark grey and icy while Cassie’s were warm. A soft amber, that he’d no doubt inherited from his mother.

“Regulus—”

“No, no don’t even bother. I was clear that I didn’t want to talk to you, and I don’t need you butting into my life.” Regulus voice was beginning to rise, and Remus was thankful the diner was empty. The last thing they needed was an audience. Though he was sure the news of Sirius and James’ return would spread in record time anyway.

“Daddy?” Even though Cass had no idea what was going on, he was old enough to register the rising tension. He looked to at Regulus worriedly, eyes wide.

Instantly, every line of Regulus softened. The clench of his jaw and sharp burn of his glare melted away as he turned to his son. “Hey, little star…” he murmured crouching down to take Cassie’s face in his hand.

“Are you mad?”

“No, no. I’m Sorry, Cassiopeia,” he whispered leaning close. “I’m not mad at you.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die. C’mon, do I ever yell at you?”

Cassie shook his head, frowning deeply before throwing his arms around Regulus’s neck. Regulus lifted the little boy up, grabbing his bag with one hand and rising to his feet.

“I can’t do this,” Regulus said stiffly, looking to Sirius and then to Remus. He noticed that Regulus didn’t even look in James’s direction. Not for the first time, Remus could help but wonder what the fuck had happened between them. They’d all been friends, but James and Regulus had become, very close during high school. Remus couldn’t imagine what had gone down that caused Regulus to be unable to even look James in the eye. Not when he could stare down the brother who had abandoned him.

“I’ll see you at home?” Remus asked softly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Regulus said softly. “Cassie, say bye to Remus.” He held Cassie over the counter and Remus leaned over to give him a kiss.

“Bye, Moony!”

“Bye baby, I’ll see you tonight.” Cassie smiled at that, his worry seemingly forgotten. Remus just patted him fondly on the cheek. “Make something decent for dinner Reg, love you.”

“Go fuck yourself, It’s Pandora’s turn to cook.”

“No, it’s not, don’t lie to me. And even if it were, you know how she folds for Luna. If you let her cook, we’ll eat more mac and cheese, and I cannot do that another day this week.”

“Fine,” Regulus sighed. “Bye, Rem.”

“Bye, I love you, Moony!” Cassie yelled, waving over Regulus’s shoulders. Regulus pushed past James, Sirius, and Lily, not even sparing them a glance.

Remus waved and the door shut behind them, leaving Remus alone with the visiting group. He wanted to blow his brains out or beg Regulus to come back, so at least they’d be a team, but that was selfish. Regulus had far more to lose, and he was right to remove himself and Cassie from the situation.

“My brother has a child,” Sirius whispered, almost more to himself. He watched out the window as Regulus and Cass pulled out of the parking lot.

“Sirius,” James said softly, putting a hand on his friend’s shoulder. Remus realized, much to his surprise; it was only the second time James had spoken through the encounter. James had never been someone who kept quiet, and Remus couldn’t help but study him. There was something different, something completely out of place. It was ill-fitting on James Potter’s shoulders. Remus couldn’t quite place it. Was it grief? He’d just lost his mother, that was a feeling Remus knew well.

“He has a kid,” Sirius said again, still in quite a state of shock. Then he was turning to Remus. “How old is he?”

“I don’t think I should tell you that,” Remus said stiffly.

Sirius didn’t respond immediately. He just blinked as if he were somehow surprised that he was looking at Remus despite turning towards him. Sirius’s eyes scanned Remus’s face before swallowing. “You’ve been here this whole time? You- you’ve been with Regulus?”

“Somebody had to.”

Not only did Sirius stiffen at that, but James flinched too.

“I didn’t know… I- I had to leave—”

“Spare me,” Remus said coolly.

“You made your decisions the same as I made mine,” Sirius bit out.

“Yeah, but I can live with mine.”

“So can I.”

“Then what are you doing?” Remus threw a hand in the air. “Leave Regulus alone, leave me alone. We have a life, and you aren’t part of it. Don’t pry into Regulus’ history. If he wanted you to know, you would have. But you left him. You left him here to rot, so his son and our family are not your business.”

“Our,” Sirius repeated, his mouth twisting bitterly. “What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t ever remember you and Reggie being so buddy-buddy.”

“First of all,” Remus scoffed crossing his arms. “I’ve known Regulus just as long as I’ve known you, which is oh, you know, my entire life. Secondly, we didn’t have anyone else. So yes, our family. Me and Regulus because I have been by his side every step of the way, and you were nowhere to be found.”

“Funny that you’re conveniently forgetting the details. Oh, boo-hoo, I’m the villain for leaving. You left too.”

Remus scowled ready to tear into Sirius but James spoke first.

“Sirius,” James cut in. “I think we should just go.”

“Prongs—”

“No, please,” James said, and god, Remus really was curious about the pleading ache in his voice.

Because Sirius’ changes made complete sense. The stupid leather jacket, the earrings, the hint of tattoo ink poking out from his sleeve. It was all so Sirius. He’d always been that underneath the plain t-shirts and jeans. He had always shone through so brightly. Bright enough, Remus thought he’d always see Sirius imprinted on the backs of his eyelids every time he blinked.

James was different than Sirius. His brightness had never been beaten down. He spilled over with every bit of his warmth, and his parents had always encouraged it. He’d always had a little bit of humbling and maturing to do, but Remus had known exactly who he’d be when it happened. James Potter was one of the best people Remus had known, there was no bad blood between them. Losing James had only ever been a hazard of losing Sirius.

And sure, Remus had missed James, missed the person who had been one of his best friends his entire life. He’d missed Peter too. Peter Pettigrew, who had grown up in the house next door with his blonde hair and constant nervous energy. Remus didn’t talk to him anymore either. Even though he knew Peter didn't speak to James and Sirius either. Because that was an ugly, twisted symptom of growing up. Or maybe, it was just being Remus Lupin.

The only person he’d ever kept was the last one he expected, Regulus Black.

And Regulus? He’d been ruined by James, by whatever happened. So, Remus couldn’t let himself ponder James’ difference. They were not friends anymore, Remus’s curiosity aside. But sometimes, he found himself aching for that James Potter smile. Sometimes he thought James would know what to do when the world got too heavy. Sometimes he’d look back. He’d wonder if Peter still bounced on the balls of his feet when he was nervous. If he hated them all just as much as Remus hated Sirius.

Because if there was one thing Remus had found, it was that you can’t hate anyone more than someone who used to love you. Someone who used to know you, hold your soul in their hands. God, if he could take it back, rip that knowledge, from Sirius, James, even Peter… he would. Because to be known was to allow yourself to be ruined. That’s probably what happened to Regulus. It’s what happened to Pandora.

It was the three of them, tangled up together, left behind. Known and then discarded.

So Remus didn’t say a word as James took Sirius by the shoulder forcing him out the door. Lily turned back for only a second to look at him apologetically.

“Sorry about this, probably best to get food somewhere else.”

“Probably,” was all Remus said instead of asking who she was and how she knew James and Sirius. Instead of what happened to James. Instead of bring Sirius back in here right now and ask him how the hell he ever believed I would end up anywhere else.

Remus watched her go, long red curls glinting in the setting sun as the door swung shut behind her. He wished he could be unknown.

But some people are made to be known. Stagnant, rooted.

Remus was made to be born and die in this place, disintegrating back into the same dirt he came from.

Regulus

__

The thing about Regulus Black was that he was born with a hole in his chest.

The thing about Regulus Black, was that when he came home from the hospital, his father frowned at the price tag on the car seat and asked:

Did we really need another child?

In the end, the answer was yes. Because if Regulus had a hole, Sirius had whatever he was missing.

Some people were just like that. Filled up to the brim, spilling over. But each day, Regulus’s fingers scraped the bottom, fingernails dragging, breath catching. He tried and tried and tried. But he couldn’t fill himself up. It didn’t work when someone else tried either.

Because the other thing, the James Potter thing, was that he’d never met a space he didn’t want to fill. And he tried, he’d really tried. Regulus didn’t fault him for failing. He did fault him for continuing to give, even when there was nothing in Regulus but dust as ash. As useless as the cigarette butts dropped on curbs and street corners.

“Don’t you want to get out, be somebody?” Sirius had asked, his eyes alight with the possibilities, the entire night sky shining in them. He had so much to give, so much to offer.

“I guess,” Regulus had shrugged instead of the truth. Instead of I’ve never wanted anything in my life. I think there’s something fundamentally wrong with me. I think I’m supposed to want things or have dreams, but I’m not sure I’ve ever felt a thing.

Instead of I think you took that from me.

Regulus didn’t have time to become a father. One day he wasn’t and then he was. Regulus didn’t have much of a say in the matter. If he had, he wouldn’t have chosen to. Regulus was rotten and empty. If his parents were proof of anything, it was that cold, rotting individuals, should not have children.

So, Regulus, Regulus Black who was surely just like them, should not have had a child.

Except…

He’d looked at his son, the first time Cassie had felt safe enough to fall asleep in Regulus’ arms. He had examined the soft curve of his baby cheek, his tiny little fingers, and wisps of hair, already coming in dark. For the first time, Regulus had seen himself and hadn’t been able to hate it.

That was when he’d known that he wasn’t like his parents after all. Because he’d looked at his beautiful little baby, and he’d known he would die before he ever hurt him. He’d been sick with the thought that his parents had ever held him like this, and still, been able to hurt him.

So, they were not alike. But there was still a hole. Regulus spent every day trying to cover it, so none of that emptiness would ever leak out and touch his son.

Really, he thought he did a rather good job.

Because he drove home, he put on dinner and late-night cartoons on the old crackling TV. He gently braided Luna’s hair while the food was simmering. He listened to Pandora rant about her mother and the slow mending of their relationship. He propped open the screen door so that some of the unbearable heat might escape the house. He put some food aside for Remus, then, Regulus and Pandora put the kids to bed.

And all the while, there was a hole caving in inside his chest. Gaping, full of a sickness that screamed in Regulus’s ears. The world was spinning and his anger and bitterness fought their way up his throat. And Regulus? He swallowed around it. His voice stayed soft, his hands stayed gentle.

Regulus was angry and drowning in a numbness he never figured out how to stop feeling. But Luna and Cassie would never learn to flinch away from it. They wouldn’t fear it. Regulus would never let it touch them.

So, he left a light on in the kitchen for Remus and he climbed the stairs. He skipped the top step on instinct because it creaked. It had always creaked, since Regulus was a child. Sometimes he still didn’t feel like he was allowed to exist in the house.

But Regulus existed. He was still here.

He decided to drown out the ravenous hole with music. He turned on the CD player Remus got Regulus for his birthday last year, letting it take his focus.

The music wasn’t really enough, but Regulus decided to pretend it was. He collapsed on his bed still fully dressed in his clothes from the day, closing his eyes.

It didn’t feel like much time passed, but then Regulus heard his door open and felt the bed dip. He knew it must have been hours. The CD had finished going through its tracklist. Regulus was too heavy, to get up and restart it, his bones full of lead.

“Move over,” Remus muttered. Regulus didn’t, so of course, Remus didn’t bother to wait. He just shoved Regulus unceremoniously until he could fit on the bed as well.

They lay there for a long time, Regulus still didn’t open his eyes, the house was quiet.

Eventually, he felt Remus roll over, pressing his face into the side of Regulus’ arm. It was a quiet point of contact, a little whisper of affection.

Once, Regulus hadn’t known he could love a person that much. Not in the way he loved Remus at least. Because yes, Regulus had loved Sirius with every single bleeding, aching bit of his heart. Yes, he had been willing to cut himself open, to break off his ribs and place the jagged pieces in James’s hands. But you heard about those things.

The poets wrote their stanzas and the world’s heart beat for those sorts of love… familial, romantic. No one told Regulus he could love a friend like they were the untarnished half of his rotten soul.

Remus Lupin was probably more of Regulus’ soulmate than his brother or the love of his life would or could ever be.

“Today hurt,” Regulus whispered into the silence. That was an understatement.

It wasn’t hurt. It was going through years of painstaking, agonizing, treatment to heal a wound, only for it to be ripped back open, deeper than before. It was watching Sirius’ retreating back, collapsing on the other side of the door. It was the look on James Potter’s face, disgust and horror like he was seeing Regulus for the first time.

“Maybe I am whatever disgusting person you think I am. But if I’m going to hell, then you have to know I’ll see you down there.”

And Regulus had snapped, anger raging, glass shattering on the wall. James had flinched.

They’d never spoken again.

“It did,” Remus said softly, even though they both knew hurt didn’t cover it.

Even though Sirius probably stained Remus’s what-ifs and nightmares.

Regulus had always believed in God. These days, that belief only scared him.

Because if there was a god, he was cruel. He was a terrible, vindictive being. He had made Sirius and Remus for each other and then dropped them in a world where they’d never quite catch each other.

Sometimes Pandora would turn on the news, or she’d bring home a magazine and she’d say: Look! Look how progressive! Look, some places are different. Look, you know they have parades? It’s normal for people to be like that.

Except, the words “normal” and “like that” painted a clear picture of otherness.

She never said: I know what you are. She didn’t need to. They all knew.

And maybe, in some places, it was okay, or even normal, but they were too far south. The dirt was too cracked, and the faces were too familiar. If it was okay, it wasn’t here.

If it was okay, Regulus was pretty sure it wouldn’t hurt this much.

“I love you,” Regulus whispered. Remus didn’t respond but Regulus knew he’d heard it. It was a careful thing when Regulus dared to speak the words aloud. He said it freely to Luna and Cassie, but it was harder with Remus, Pandora, and anyone else. Anyone who knew that for Regulus, love was a curse.

“I love you too,” Remus muttered and that was that.

It couldn’t be acknowledged too deeply. Because Remus would say it in passing. When Regulus was leaving for work or sometimes, after a particularly bad argument, but Regulus rarely said it back. They knew it, but knowing it and speaking it out into the universe were two very different things.

“James seems different.”

Regulus froze, his breath catching in his throat. “Does he?” he forced out, trying to sound casual. He didn't, but Remus didn’t ask, even though Regulus knew he’d always been curious about what had happened.

Remus hummed in response. “I’m not really sure what it is, though. He was quiet, it’s not really like him. He seems weird.”

“Or, you just don’t know him anymore.”

“No,” Remus said instantly. “No… I guess some people you can unknow, but not us. Not James, not Sirius, or Pete…” he trailed off, taking a deep breath. “Anyway, what do you think, that woman Lily, could she be James’s girlfriend?”

Regulus’s stomach flipped. “Could be.” Because if she was anyone’s girlfriend, it wasn’t Sirius’, and why else would she be there? Did casual friends accompany you to your hometown?

“Maybe we won’t have to see them again,” Remus said hopefully. Regulus just nodded.

Perhaps, Regulus would be allowed to have this one thing… but he couldn’t feel too hopeful.

Regulus was fairly sure he was being punished.