Chapter Text
Shred heard a knock on his door and looked up from the food he was preparing for dinner. He wasn’t expecting anyone, but he was always up for surprise visitors. He opened the door and felt his stomach do a flip when he saw that it was Frank standing in front of him. Frank was wearing a button down blue plaid shirt and tie under his jacket, and his beard and hair were even more perfectly done than usual. Shred was used to seeing Frank in his uniform, and he was shocked by how good he looked dressed in his date clothes. Shred knew Frank was hot, but looking at him in this outfit with his face illuminated by the porch light, Frank had to be the hottest man Shred had ever seen in person.
“Frank? Shouldn’t you be on a date with the hot vet?”
Frank was just as shocked to see Shred as Shred was to see Frank. He’d spent even longer than he usually did making sure his hair looked just right and his beard was perfectly trimmed. He knew he looked good in almost anything he wore, but he’d been told this shirt matched his eyes and it was also just tight enough to show off the muscles he worked so hard on.
“I thought…” Frank started. He had no idea what was going on or why he was looking at Shred instead of Collette. “Hot Vet doesn’t live here, does she?”
“No, she doesn’t live here, Frank. I think you would know if I lived with her," Shred said without a hint of annoyance.
Shred invited Frank inside and led him into the kitchen where he was in the middle of preparing his dinner.
Frank just stared straight ahead looking confused while he tried to figure everything out. He wasn't sure how to feel, but he landed on suspicion. “Is something going on with you and Hot Vet, Shred? I thought you said you weren’t interested. There must be a reason she has your address.”
“There’s definitely nothing going on with us, Frank, and I don’t know why she has my address. Why don’t you just call her?”
Frank called the number he’d been texting with and figured out that it was Victoria pretending to be Collette as a prank.
After he got off the phone with Victoria, Frank sat back down in Shred’s kitchen. “So it turns out it was just Victoria pranking me that whole time. Sorry you got mixed up in it, Shred.”
“It’s fine," Shred insisted, waving his hand. "Do you want some of this pasta? I made four servings, so there's probably enough for both of us."
"Sure, it actually smells pretty good," Frank said, genuinely surprised.
Shred eyed the bottle of wine that Frank had sitting in front of him. "How about this: I'll share my dinner with you if you share that bottle of wine with me."
Frank hesitated as he thought about it. "I don't know, Shred. This is the most expensive wine I've bought in a while. And you already offered to share your dinner with me. You can't take it back."
Shred leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “Are you really going to sit there with that expensive bottle of wine and not share it with me, Frank?”
“Well now you’re making me feel like an asshole. I guess you can have one glass,” Frank said, pushing the bottle toward Shred.
Shred smiled and then turned around and opened up his highest cupboard.
“If you get out a plastic cup, I’m not giving you any wine,” Frank said, completely sincerely.
“Give me some credit, Frank. I have wine glasses, I just have to—” Shred grunted as he grabbed a stool that he had stashed between the counter and the oven. He unfolded the stool and stood up on his toes, reaching into the back of the cupboard.
“That’s so sad,” Frank said, smiling with his head tilted to one side. His smile faded as he watched Shred from behind, noticing the shape of his ass under his sweatpants.
Shred grabbed two wine glasses and spun around to show Frank. Frank quickly shifted his gaze up to Shred’s face, looking slightly guilty.
Shred smirked and held up the two glasses. “I got one for you too, Frank.”
Shred put the glasses down in front of Frank and reached into a drawer to grab a bottle opener. He handed it to Frank and turned around to check on the pasta.
Frank focused on the wine glasses as he poured, and took a deep breath while he internally beat himself up for getting caught checking out Shred’s ass. Frank looked up at Shred when he had his back to him. It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed Shred’s hair; he was jealous of any man with hair thicker than his. But it wasn’t jealousy he was feeling-–he had a weird urge to run his fingers through it. He shook his head, embarrassed to be thinking about touching his dopey-looking work partner.
Shred turned around and saw Frank shaking his head as he carefully poured the wine, obviously being careful to pour the exact same amount in each glass.
Shred laughed silently watching Frank’s odd combination of obvious disappointment in himself, along with his insistence on precision with the wine glasses. Shred felt a warmth in his chest as he wondered how this sexy-as-hell middle-aged man could also be kind of adorable.
“Why are you shaking your head, Frank? Did you just experience a human emotion?” Shred asked mockingly.
“Fuck!” Frank jumped from the surprise of Shred breaking the silence. “You made me pour too much in your glass, Shred.”
Shred laughed again. “You can have the one with more wine, Frank. It really doesn’t have to be even.”
Frank poured a drop more into his glass and held them both up to make sure they were even as he handed one to Shred.
Shred grabbed the wine glass and started taking a sip before turning back around to check on his tomato sauce.
Frank realized that he hadn’t said anything in a while, so he did his best to make small talk while he drank the wine. At some point during their conversation, Frank started noticing that Shred actually had a pretty nice smile, which he’d never noticed before. There was something about the lighting in Shred’s kitchen, or maybe it was the wine, that made him look less goofy than usual. Frank picked up his glass to see how much he’d had to drink, hoping he could blame the wine for this weird voice in his head that kept telling him that his annoying, childish, short, way-too-happy, definitely temporary work partner was… hot? He could almost see why Emily and Hot Vet were into him.
When Shred turned around again to check the food on the stove, Frank found himself unable to stop looking at his ass. And when Shred turned back around to face Frank again, Frank still had his eyes in the same spot and was just staring at his…
“Frank. What the hell are you looking at? Did I spill some sauce or something?” Shred asked, looking down at his pants to see if they were stained.
Frank swallowed. “No, you didn’t spill anything.”
Shred looked up at the ceiling and sighed. “Dolores has been asking around about the frozen penis thing, hasn’t she? I don’t know how she even heard about it. I already told you it works just fine, okay Frank?”
Frank was relieved to hear Shred making that assumption. “No, I remember you telling me that. And I’ve seen it,” Frank said, lifting his glass.
Shred’s eyes grew wide and he leaned his head forward. “I’m sorry?”
“I saw it in the bathroom,” Frank said completely seriously.
“Why the hell were you looking at my dick in the bathroom?”
“I wanted to see if it looked normal after what happened,” Frank said, as if he didn’t think he needed to explain himself.
“You could’ve just asked, Frank. I would have shown you.” Shred put his hands on his hips and stood like a dorky superhero. “So what did you think?”
“It’s…” Frank paused and looked right at Shred. “...gorgeous.”
Shred sighed and dropped his hands to his sides. “You don’t have to give a sarcastic answer to everything, Frank.”
“I’m being sincere, Shred. It truly is a work of art. It’s just not fair.”
Shred looked confused and flattered. “I’m not really sure how to respond to that. I don’t think anyone has ever called my dick gorgeous. Or, you know, anyone else’s. I’m sure… yours is nice too?” Shred offered, shrugging.
Shred saw Frank looking at his hair and became self-conscious. “What? Is my hair messed up or something?”
“No, I just–-you know I’m jealous of your hair, Shred. Mine is so thin.”
“Yeah, it still looks really good though,” Shred said, trying to sound positive.
“Still? I’m not that old, Shred. Anyway, your hair isn’t messed up. I was just looking at it. This is weird…” Frank squinted. “...but can I feel it?”
“You want to feel my hair?” Shred laughed. “Or are we still talking about my dick?”
Frank ignored Shred’s last comment. “I don’t know. I just like how thick hair feels on my hands. If it’s too weird then just tell me to fuck off.”
“No, it’s not weird. You can feel whatever you want.” Shred looked directly at Frank and smiled as he walked toward him. Once he got close enough, Shred looked down to give Frank access to his hair.
Frank ran his fingers through Shred’s hair with both hands and leaned over, bringing his face closer and closing his eyes. “Smells good,” he whispered.
Frank started to smile as he continued feeling Shred’s hair. Shred looked up at Frank and stepped closer to him, glancing at his mouth. He figured Frank must have trimmed his beard more than usual because he never really noticed his lips before. They were deceptively luscious and Shred had never felt the urge to kiss someone stronger than he was feeling it in that moment.
Frank noticed Shred staring at his mouth and the surprise of it made him pause with his hands still in Shred's hair. After a few seconds of doubting himself, Frank decided to go for it. He leaned down, brought his face toward Shred’s, and then hesitated to see how Shred would react. Shred reached up, grabbed the back of Frank’s neck with one hand and kissed him, grabbing Frank's arm with his other hand. As Frank kissed Shred, he moved his hands to Shred’s face and tilted his head, slipping his tongue into Shred’s mouth. Shred pulled Frank in tighter to feel his muscular chest press against his own as he kissed him back. After several minutes of making out, Shred pulled away from Frank and asked him breathlessly, “Do you want to check out my bedroom, Frank?”
Frank kissed Shred in response and muttered an “mhm” and then started guiding him aimlessly to where he thought the bedroom might be. Shred pointed as they kissed and Frank steered them toward Shred’s room. They made their way inside the room and Shred managed to close the door behind him while continuing to kiss Frank.