Chapter Text
Lissiah walked quickly through the halls of the Akademiya, hiding the way her hands were clenched into fists with the voluminous sleeves of her scholar's robes. She kept her expression pleasant, nodding blandly to the others she passed until she could get out of sight.
It took almost everything she had not to simply scream the moment that no eyes were upon her.
How dare he?
How dare he?
The so-called Acting Grand Sage? That uppity, unbelievable Scribe?
Breathing hard through her nose, she paced the width and breadth of the room she'd escaped into.
She'd worked so hard, worked for years to worm her way into the graces of the other sages, to catch the ear of the Grand Sage, Azar, himself. She'd been the perfect fawning sycophant, she'd made every sacrifice to make sure that she would find her way to power, to funding, to prestige.
She couldn't care less about the truth of the Sages' ambitions. She'd turned a blind eye to the imprisonment of the more soft hearted Sages, eyeing their positions greedily. She'd even had a meeting scheduled with Azar to discuss her future before the coup had happened.
Lissiah had been understandably blind sided by everything that had happened. You would be hard pressed to find many scholars that had been expecting this change.
But Lissiah had always been a resourceful woman. She'd always known how to adapt her plans.
So adapt she had. She was no stranger to playing the long game, even if she wanted to scream with frustration at the way all her work to this point had come to naught.
She waited for things to settle, gritting her teeth against the indignity of working for Alhaitham of all people.
She didn't have much love for Azar either but the Scribe had always unsettled her, his personality grating on her nerves like nails on a chalkboard. Privately, she often rooted for the Light of Ksharewar in their very public arguments.
But Alhaitham had the ear of the Lesser Lord Kusanali now and that was something Lissiah couldn't bring herself to ignore. She'd begun her process all over again, moving slowly, moving closer.
She'd managed to get a few secretaries to like her, her previous works serving to ease her way back into the enormous offices of the Grand Sage once more, a place that was even more difficult to get into than it had ever been in the past.
It seemed that even a position of leadership wasn't enough to get through Alhaitham's distaste of the necessity of social interaction. His secretaries were as effective as a wall themselves and it had taken far more time than Lissiah liked to get past them.
She ignored the rumors that spoke of the Light of Ksharewar waltzing past the secretaries without even a second glance.
It was public knowledge that the two of them hated each other. She didn't need the Akasha to see that. There couldn’t be anything more to them than that.
She paused in her pacing to heave a few deep breaths, trying to at least mitigate the inferno of her temper at the memory of her ill fated meeting with the Acting Grand Sage.
Each breath did little more than fan the flames, the memory of that curt and sharp dismissal making her grit her teeth so hard that her jaw creaked.
He'd called her out almost immediately, bland gaze not even bothering to look up from the paperwork in front of me.
"I have no use or interest in the company of a sycophantic scholar. You'd be better suited using your abilities for something other than clawing for power. You will find no hand holds here."
A half hysterical laugh ripped itself from her throat and she gripped the front of her robes so tightly the threads threatened to snap.
She'd worked far, far too hard to give up on her ambitions now. She paused as a new thought pierced the haze of anger in her mind.
…overthrowing the Grand Sage had worked out so well for Alhaitham, who's to say it wouldn't work out well for her too?
The first nascent breaths of a plan began to fill her mind and she smiled, some of the tension finally leaching from her shoulders.
So he had no interest in helping her? She would find no handhold in his favor?
Then he would serve as a rung on the ladder and no more.
She needed to get started.
~~~~
Kaveh startled when he heard the front door slam, nearly ruining the blueprint in front of him with a stray line before he lifted his quill from the page. He glared in the direction of the front door and heaved a heavy sigh.
His back popped loudly when he took the opportunity to sit up straight and he frowned deeply.
How long had it been since he'd last taken a break? Sure this was a somewhat time sensitive project but he couldn't have been working for that long.
"Mehrak, what time is it?"
The little construct beeped cheerfully from her place on her charging dock, the display with her expression briefly disappearing to showcase the time.
He grimaced at the numbers that greeted him before he crept over to his bedroom door, peering out to where Alhaitham was pulling off those ridiculous boots, his impractical coat already hung on the hooks beside the front door.
He looked exhausted.
It might not be immediately obvious to someone unfamiliar with the former Scribe but Kaveh had known Alhaitham long before he'd mastered his infamous poker face.
He knew where to look.
It was written in the tense line of his shoulders, the furrow of his eyebrows, the way his usually sharp gaze was glazed. Given the stiffness in the way he was holding his head, he was probably in the beginning stages of a migraine.
It made Kaveh's bleeding heart ache.
He wanted to be able to take care of Alhaitham when these things happened, to be able to guide him to rest.
But it wasn't to be.
No matter how much he wanted. No matter how well he could read Alhaitham, their years of friendship giving him the key to break the code of Althaitham’s behaviors.
He was a burden on his once friend and though he was trying hard to fix their current situation, it was a slow climb.
Steeling himself, he walked from the room and gave his roommate a somewhat dismissive once over. "You look awful."
Alhaitham only gave him a flat look, finishing his task of setting those ridiculous boots next to Kaveh's more sensible flats.
"An astute observation, oh great Light of Ksharewar," he responded, even his voice sounding tired, "I remain ever in awe of the insights you feel the need to grace us with."
Despite his best efforts, Kaveh couldn't restrain the way his temper flared at Alhaitham's drawled response. "Far be it for me to be concerned about you," He snapped, stomping past into the kitchen, slamming a few of the cabinets as he started grabbing ingredients to start dinner.
"I didn't ask for your concern."
"That isn't how these things work, Alhaitham. You don't ask for concern."
"It's unnecessary."
"Your attitude is unnecessary."
He might not like it but Kaveh would at least feed the ungrateful lout. He set the pan on the stove a little harder than he'd intended and turned on his heel, mouth open but stopped when he caught the way his roommate's impeccable poker face had broken in a wince, hand halfway to the controls on his headphones.
Abruptly, his anger went cold, a tendril of shame curling through him. He'd noticed the signs earlier but he'd still let Alhaitham rile him up. Letting that righteous indignation melt away, he sighed. "You really do bring the worst out in me, you know that?" He murmured, voice softer in deference to Alhaitham's discomfort, "Go rest. I'll come get you when dinner is ready, I know you haven't been eating properly."
There was a peculiar expression on Alhaitham's face before it was swallowed up by neutrality. “You have no room to lecture me on not taking care of myself, Kaveh,” Alhaitham replied, something almost fond in his words, “Are you sure you won’t take the opportunity to poison me?”
Kaveh snorted at the thought, turning back to the pan in front of him. “Poison you? If I was going to kill you, Haitham, I wouldn’t try to be subtle.”
“I know.”
Kaveh ignored the way Althaitham sounded almost amused at that, his quiet footsteps disappearing into the living room. He could hear him fussing with something on the shelves before the noises of movement in the other room went quiet. It didn’t take a genius to guess that he’d probably found another book to bury his nose in and Kaveh resisted the urge to march in there and try to make him at least take a nap.
It would be a fruitless endeavor and would probably lead to yet another argument.
Things were nice here when they weren’t arguing, when their sharp words didn’t drag back memories of another fight. There were times when he actually did enjoy his debates with Alhaitham but anymore…
He felt like a burden and every argument seemed to come back around to it.
Kaveh bit at his lip as he started to gather some ingredients for dinner, looking at the sad state of their pantry with a frown.
…neither of them had been particularly good at taking care of themselves recently, huh?
He flicked his eyes over to where he knew Alhaitham to be resting in the best way he could before glancing back at the sad pantry. He was almost done with this most recent commission. Maybe he could hold off on taking a few more to try and take care of his stubborn roommate for a bit?
It would put him back on his moving out plans but it hurt to see Alhaitham worn down like this. He cared far too much to just sit back and watch it happen. He knew Alhaitham would never ask it of him, he'd even scoff if he knew Kaveh was having these thoughts.
But it was one way to repay the kindness he'd been given, even if he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even if he still couldn't make himself thank Alhaitham to his face. There was still a part of him that wondered exactly what Alhaitham was getting out of this.
The man he'd once called his best friend didn't just do things out of the goodness of his heart. There were layers to the things he did and while Kaveh knew Alhaitham to be kind, he didn't put himself out to show kindness to others…not the way Kaveh did.
His body worked largely on autopilot as he put their dinner together, Mehrak occasionally chirping and beeping to remind him to take the food off the heat. He put it together nicely on the table before walking quietly into the living room, his heart lurching at the way Alhaitham had fallen asleep on the divan, head tilted back over the top, a furrow between his eyebrows.
Kaveh’s feet moved before his mind gave the command and he stood behind the divan, looking down at the sleeping Alhaitham. He actually looked his age when he was asleep like this, his face looking young and innocent without his piercing unique gaze. His eyes always seemed so much older, even when they were back in the Akademiya.
Granted, his gaze had been softer then.
Kaveh couldn’t stop his hand from reaching out, brushing his bangs out of his face even as he ignored the traitorous pound of his heart. This wasn’t for him.
He wouldn’t bring his special brand of bad luck to Alhaitham by allowing himself to love him. He couldn't act on the affection he kept caged in his heart.
But he wasn’t quite strong enough to keep himself from caring entirely. He couldn’t sit back and watch Alhaitham suffer, even when the Scribe’s sharp words cut his heart to ribbons.
His calloused fingers brushed across darker silver brows, stroking along them and watching with a smile when that furrow between them began to relax. It reminded him of easier times, of Alhaitham falling asleep in his lap when they were students.
He’d done this to him then too, an old memory of his mother doing this to lull him to sleep driving him.
As much as he’d like to put his roommate entirely to sleep, the stubborn brute needed to eat.
He tapped the side of the headphones still covering Althaitham’s ears, letting sound come back at a quieter volume before he gently cleared his throat, moving his hands away from his roommate.
When the former Scribe didn’t stir, he gently shook one shoulder, trying not to jump at the way Althaitham jerked awake, hand closing around Kaveh’s wrist hard. He swallowed down a bit of worry at the somewhat wild look on his face before schooling his expression. “Haitham. It's time to eat.”
It was usually a bit amusing to watch Alhaitham boot up in the morning, watching his eyes squint at things in an effort to make sense of the world before he finally got enough coffee to kickstart that machine in his head he called a brain.
This…wasn’t quite as amusing.
Ever since dreams had returned to Sumeru, they’d both fallen prey to more than their fair share of nightmares and unsettling dreams. They’d patently avoided talking about the ways Kaveh had woken them both with his screams and the times Kaveh had caught Alhaitham in the kitchen late at night, covered in a cold sweat and deep in a thousand yard stare.
“Haitham?”
At the second call of his nickname, Alhaitham blinked, cognizance returning to teal and orange and he let Kaveh go almost reluctantly, fingers lingering when Kaveh pulled his arm back to his side. “Food?”
For a moment, Kaveh thought he’d refuse before moving to rise from the divan, previous mask pulled back over that moment of vulnerability he’d just witnessed. “You managed not to burn the kitchen down. I suppose I have Mehrak to thank?”
A huff of a quiet laugh left Kaveh at that and he led the way into the kitchen. “I’ll have you know that I have never once set a kitchen on fire,” Kaveh sniffed, “Unlike someone else in this house.”
“I think we are wildly misremembering that incident,” Alhaitham said dryly, “As I recall, that was entirely your doing.”
Kaveh threw a dark look over his shoulder, sitting down on his side of the table. “Perhaps that knock to your head a few weeks ago is changing things,” He huffed, “I had nothing to do with that.”
“Must have been some other Kshahrewar scholar trying to optimize the stove top then.”
“I got it the next time,” Kaveh mumbled under his breath, “It isn’t my fault they gave us such sub-par options.”
There was a somewhat smug smirk on Alhaitham’s face and uncharacteristically, Kaveh simply sighed and let it go. It wasn’t hard to see how much that little nap hadn’t done enough for Alhaitham and as much as the younger man liked to poke and prod, Kaveh wasn’t going to bicker simply for the sake of it.
Alhaitham looked almost grateful when Kaveh didn’t continue the conversation, the two of them tucking into the food. It was the most peaceful night they’d had in some time and Kaveh took a moment to just bask in it.
And then someone knocked on the front door.
There was an immediate war in Kaveh’s mind between not wanting anyone to know he was here and wanting to make sure that someone didn’t try to give Alhaitham more work. He could see the way his roommate was beginning to withdraw back behind his mask of neutrality, preparing himself once again to interact with whomever was at the door.
“I’ll get it.”
Kaveh watched as Alhaitham walked for the door, his shoulders still so drawn up, his steps less sure and sharp. There were quiet voices beyond the hall, Alhaitham’s tone sharp and dismissive. When he returned at last, he was holding a wrapped box and papers and wearing a mildly frustrated expression.
He strode past Kaveh towards the trash but paused when Kaveh stood to look at the box. “What is it?”
“Just someone trying to bribe me once again,” Alhaitham growled, looking at the box with distaste, “This is becoming excessive and I have no use for such things.”
"A bribe? Someone honestly thought a bribe would work on you?" Kaveh laughed, "Maybe your previous strategy of avoidance worked too well, they don't know you at all."
"I prefer it that way," he said tiredly, looking between the box and the trash once more.
"Aren't you going to at least open it?" Kaveh asked, taking a moment to admire the well wrapped package, "...how did they know where you live?"
"They didn't," Alhaitham growled, "One of those secretaries followed me to drop off more paperwork. Said this was part of it."
"How do you know it's a bribe? Maybe you have an admirer?" Kaveh chuckled to himself, "It's as unlikely as a monsoon in the desert but as scholars we must consider all angles?"
He frowned at the pile of paperwork Alhaitham put on the table as they both looked at the box. There was exhaustion and distaste in Alhaitham's face, even if there was the smallest smirk at Kaveh’s baiting. "I've had more than my fair share of gifts from admirers. But I see no use in them either. It's a waste of their mora and is a poor way to try and get someone's attention."
"You don't have a romantic bone in your body, do you?" Kaveh sighed, looking at the box, "Well, bribe or gift, at least open it. I'm curious what someone has wasted their mora on."
It was a testament to how exhausted Alhaitham was that he didn’t bother to fight him on that, dexterous hands unwrapping the box with ease. They both looked at the contents in confusion, the clearly hand made chocolates sitting innocuous in the box. The younger man sighed and looked at Kaveh blankly. “Satisfied?”
He moved for the trash once more but Kaveh reached out and grabbed the box. “You can’t just throw them away! Someone spent a lot of time on this!”
One gray brow lifted in silent incredulity, the rest of Alhaitham’s face remaining passive. “I am not going to eat them. I have no interest in eating them. Therefore, I am not going to let them simply take up space in my house.”
Kaveh resisted the urge to flinch at that. He never thought he’d relate to some chocolates.
“Well, if you have no interest in them, I’ll eat them!”
Before Alhaitham could stop him, he popped one of them into his mouth and began to chew rapidly.
They weren’t bad, clearly made by an amateur but with enough care put in that they did have an interesting taste to them. He was so caught up in analyzing the taste that he didn’t realize how pale Alhaitham had gone until the younger man had grabbed his arm once more. “Spit it out.”
Temper rising again, Kaveh made a point to swallow it audibly, heart pounding at the fear he saw flash across Alhaitham’s face. “What are you so worried about?”
“I know that it has been some time since you’d last walked the halls of the Akademiya, Senior,” Alhaitham said harshly, “But did you entirely lose your sense of caution since then?”
The sweet taste of the chocolate on his tongue soured slightly as Alhaitham’s words sunk in, the flash of fear making an abrupt amount of sense before his brain brushed away the obvious sign of care from his neutral roommate. “You don’t have to pretend to be worried. I’m fine. They’re just amateur chocolates,” Kaveh replied tightly, “Not everything is a plot.”
“I’m not pretending.”
Kaveh felt his breath catch in his chest once more before he looked away. “Go get some rest. You’re practically dead on your feet, Haitham.”
“Kaveh.”
He ignored the soft tone of Alhaitham’s voice, just as he stalwartly ignored every little marker of care, of affection so far.
And there had been many. But he couldn’t read into them, couldn’t believe that Alhaitham’s “care” was genuine. It had to be another one of his ploys, that other shoe waiting to drop.
“Kaveh, look at me.”
If he looked at him, he’d have to admit that this might actually be real and Kaveh didn’t get to keep nice things. He didn’t get to keep the things he loved.
But even the unstoppable force of his fear and self loathing was nothing in the face of the immovable object that was Alhaitham when he wanted something.
Kaveh felt his chin gently guided back to look at his roommate and felt his heart squeeze at the naked affection he could see in Alhaitham’s gaze. “I am tired of seeing you have so little care for yourself,” Alhaitham murmured, “How long are we going to keep doing this?"
Throat constricting harshly, Kaveh met Alhaitham's exhausted, soft gaze. When his heart couldn't stand it any longer, he closed his eyes, tilting into the hand that had slid up along his jaw. "Haitham…I…"
"You've told me twice now. One more time please."
Kaveh's eyes flew open at that and he let out a half hysterical laugh. "What?"
The look on Alhaitham's face was half exasperation, half dead serious intent. "You've told me you love me twice now. Granted, you were so drunk you couldn't stand so I waited until you were clear of mind. Was it only the alcohol talking or were you leaning on the liquid courage to finally be truthful?"
His heart began to pound painfully in his chest and Kaveh resisted the urge to flee. He was so scared, so terrified that he was going to ruin this.
And then he felt the way Alhaitham's hand gave a barely there tremble against his face and he looked back up in surprise, some of his own panic abating at the way fear was creeping back into Alhaitham's eyes.
….the younger man was taking a risk, a risk that he actually hadn't thought into an early grave.
Was Alhaitham also nervous about it?
As indomitable as his junior seemed, it often slipped past people that he was just as human as anyone else with the full gamut of fears and emotions. Alhaitham was not immune to the fear of not being loved back, no matter how he tried to hide it.
“I never intended to tell you.”
Some of the vulnerability in Alhaitham’s face shuttered, the emotions being hidden behind his neutral facade. “Given it only occurred when you had been drinking, I had gathered as much. Why?”
Kaveh huffed in frustration, not quite strong enough to pull away from the warmth of Alhaitham’s hand on his cheek. “It’s a personal matter.”
“You being in love with me strikes me as something that also involves me.”
There was something sharp about Alhaitham’s words but his hand remained gentle, thumb brushing against cheekbone.
“Alhaitham, its late-”
“Stop running.”
The words were barely a whisper but Kaveh couldn’t help his eyes widening at how close it was to a plea from his roommate. “I didn’t intend to act on my feelings, Haitham…I can’t.”
“Why?” Alhaitham continued, those tired eyes searching Kaveh’s face.
Leave it to Alhaitham to finally look at the wall that had been between them and decide to tear it entirely to shreds, analyzing each piece he destroyed.
Kaveh could feel the heat behind his eyes begin to overflow, one trail of tears brushed away by the thumb resting on his cheekbone. “I’m already taking so much. You invited me to live here. You pay for my alcohol and all the other furniture and things I buy. I try to pay the rent but even when I’m late you don’t complain. I don’t know what you want from me. I don’t know what you’re getting out of all of this.”
“Is it so bizarre that I might have simply invited you to live with me because I wanted you here?”
“You never do anything that would disrupt your ideal life, Alhaitham.” Kaveh murmured, “What am I if not a constant disruption?”
“I also do not hesitate to remove things that are a disruption to my life,” Alhaitham countered, “I helped overthrow the sages to protect my way of life. Do you really think I wouldn’t find a way to kick you out if I didn’t want you here?”
Alhaitham’s other hand came to the other side of Kaveh’s face, the full force of dual colored gaze locked on Kaveh. “You aren’t taking anything more than I’m willing to give, Kaveh.”
Kaveh couldn’t get the words to come, his throat clicking as he swallowed hard. “You mean that.”
Alhaitham didn’t respond, only looking at him intently, his attention taking a sledgehammer to the walls Kaveh had erected around his heart. Slowly, almost as if worried that he’d pull his hands back, Kaveh covered one of Alhaitham’s hands with his own, turning his face into it to place a kiss on his partially gloved palm.
He could see the way Alhaitham startled at that but there was a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Well?”
Kaveh blinked for a moment before he realized that Alhaitham was still waiting for his apparent third confession. He felt his own lips curl into a smirk before he chuckled.
“Give me three days,” Kaveh asked softly, “Apparently I’ve simply blurted it out twice. Let me do it correctly this time.”
Alhaitham frowned, the expression the closest thing Kaveh had seen to a pout since their Akademiya years. “Correctly.”
“Yes. Correctly.”
“And what does correctly entail, precisely?”
For a moment Kaveh wanted to copy his frown, his temper slightly stirred by Alhaitham’s words before he took another moment to look the younger man over.
Alhaitham wasn’t making fun of him. He was impatient.
“I think I’ll keep it a surprise,” Kaveh teased, “You might not have an appreciation for romance and beauty but I certainly do. I want to do it right.”
“Hmmph.”
Despite the disgruntled noise, there was a tiny curve at one corner of his lips and Kaveh didn’t quite fight the urge to kiss it quite as hard. He still didn’t act upon the urge but he didn’t immediately dismiss it, his mind beginning to whirl with ideas of a perfect confession.
It would also take him that time to begin to come to terms with Alhaitham’s words. It would put some things into a different context and he wanted time to get his head straight.
“Give me the three days, Haitham. I promise it will be worth it.”
At that Alhaitham nodded, his thumb stroking over Kaveh’s cheekbone once more before he took his hands back. “You are worth it.”
Those simple words made Kaveh’s face flame and he took a brief moment to roughly scrub the remainder of his tears away before turning to screech at Alhaitham’s back. “You can’t just say things like that!”
“Why not?”
“Because!”
“Eloquent as ever, Senior.” Alhaitham said dryly as he made his way to his bedroom door, stopping briefly to look back over his shoulder towards the stack of paperwork he’d left on the counter.
Before he could move to take it, Kaveh slapped his hand down on it, daring Alhaitham to come and take it. “Absolutely not. Go to bed.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I need to do that first. The sooner I get all of this done, the sooner they can find someone else to be the Grand Sage.”
“You tendered your resignation weeks ago, they still haven’t replaced you?”
“Lesser Lord Kusanali made a very compelling case about seeing things through to the end.”
“So she baited you into finishing things.”
“You are making assumptions.”
Kaveh couldn’t believe he’d ignored the way Alhaitham would begin to smile when they bantered back and forth like this. It tore another chunk of that wall away from his heart and sighed. “I believe you are very fond of reminding people that your office hours are posted within the Akademiya. And would you look at that? It appears to be past your office hours. Guess they’ll have to wait.”
“Kaveh.”
“Alhaitham.”
The silence was broken by Alhaitham’s sighing tiredly, some of the fight leaving him. It did still hurt Kaveh to see him looking so tired. “Go sleep, Haitham. We both know I’m going to be up for a while yet. I’ll look over it.”
“Do you still…”
“Yeah, I remember how to forge your signature, go.”
“That’s terribly illegal.”
“So is overthrowing the government.”
That pulled a tired laugh from Alhaitham and he conceded with a heavy breath. “I’ll come check on you in a couple hours.”
“Mehrak, block the door when he goes to sleep.”
“What is she going to be able to do?” Alhaitham asked flatly, “Beep at me?”
Kaveh gasped, placing a hand on his briefcase where Mehrak floated beside him. “Don’t listen to him, Mehrak. You’re doing a wonderful job.”
The briefcase made a happy little trill and Kaveh could see the moment that Alhaitham decided to concede. “Very well. Do your worst. If I have to re-sign them again, I suppose that just means the Kshahrewar funding gets delayed once more.”
“Go to bed.”
The soft click of a door closing was the only response Kaveh got and he turned his eyes back to the papers in front of him.
He pulled the chocolates closer and gathered his hair into a tail at the base of his neck before settling down to get to work. He wasn’t going to let Alhaitham down.