Work Text:
You were crying.
A step up from earlier of course, where you’d been sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.
Your hair was at least out of your way, just oily enough to stay in place but not oily enough to be uncomfortable and cause you any more rage.
Your face was splotchy and wet from hot tears streaming down for more than an hour now, you knew it, and you were grateful Larissa was working a late night tonight (she always texts you immediately with apologies and heartfelt emojis to follow when such things happen.) so you didn't have to face the embarrassment of her seeing you like this.
You knew she wouldn’t mind, you knew she’d look at you with her warm blue eyes and take your face lovingly as she whispered heartfelt reassurance into your ears.
But that didn’t matter, because you were too easily embarrassed, too stubborn, too stupid.
Here we go again, stuck in a rut of self destructive thoughts.
Stupid, gross, lazy, unlovable, impossible.
A million voices rang through your head, none of them Larissa’s,
Stupid, gross, lazy, unlovable, weak, impossible, not good enough, not good enough not good eno-
“Dear?” A velvety voice had crept through the crack in the door. You still held your blanket over your mouth where it had been catching squeaks and silent sobs all evening but opened your eyes, unintentionally offering a deer-in-the-headlights expression to a nervous looking Larissa.
Larissa was peeking around the door, delicately, still done up from work. Her beauty made you feel even more awful as how you must look popped into your head.
No no no no no.
You craved her but didn't want her to have to see you like this, she’d worry too much, what if she had a bad day at work? What if-
“Oh sweetheart.” Her voice held such genuine concern it tugged at the knot in your throat, more tears fighting their way up.
She knelt beside you and held her hands up to your cheeks, cradling you as she pressed an array of soft kisses to your forehead.
“My sweet, sweet girl.” Her voice cracked and you saw the concern in her eyes through the sheen of her own tears. You felt both loved and mad at yourself for making her cry over you.
None of that mattered though, she pulled you gently into her, prompting you to meet her halfway and you curled right up into her embrace. You were now laying in her arms as she sat up straight on top of your bed, stroking your hair and cooing to you in the sweetest tone you’d only ever heard her use with you.
“You’re okay sweetheart you know that right? That you’re safe? I won’t let anything happen to you, you are just so precious to me.” She cooed in your ear as you sniffled and focussed on her warmth, nodding so she knew you heard and understood.
“Is this because I worked late? I know I’ve been gone more often I’m so sorr-“ she began but you looked up at her finally, shaking your head.
“No no,” you hiccuped and closed your eyes to compose yourself, opening them again you found nothing but patience lacing her features. “I just, I’m really trying I really am I promise and it's just so frustrating because I’m trying my best and it’s still not good enough-“ you hiccuped again trying to explain the best you could before the tears took control again.
She understood immediately, pulling your head back to her chest.
“Shh shh, you’re a good girl you know that? Such a good girl. You do such a good job and I wish I could let you see yourself through my eyes. You are so perfect, and so kind, and so hardworking sweetheart, you know that?” She cooed.
You held her tighter in response.
“Oh my sweet girl.” She repeated peppering your head with kissing, taking one of your hands and doing the same. “I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, you know that dear?”
“I love you too.” You responded and after a short pause added, “I’m sorry.”
“Oh my goodness darling don’t ever be sorry, you are always there for me, as well as everyone else in your life. You shouldn’t feel guilty for a second about feeling like this. Everyone does at some point or another and you of all people deserve the utmost care, and love and kindness and kisses when you do.”
She punctuated the last point with a more pointed kiss to your hairline followed by an array of small light ones across every inch of the top of your head and forehead she could reach.
You stayed like that for a while, sometimes she rocked you, sometimes she reassured you she was still there and told you how sweet you were, how good you were. She had one hand rubbing your back and holding you close to her while the other held one of your hands, her thumb rubbing soothing circles atop it, or periodically bringing it up for a kiss.
Slowly but surely your tears dried, and the energy they took from you left you feeling exhausted. You let her soft praise and gentle touch lull you to sleep. Her words echoing in your head as you finally drift off.
“You are safe, you are safe, you are safe…”