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I.
Hu Tao prides herself in knowing everything there is to know about her friends and their relationships. She knew Chongyun and Xingxiu liked each other before they did. She knew her brother Xiao had the biggest crush on Venti and she also knew that Venti knew. She knew that the random Snezhnayan who somehow wiggled himself into their life was planning to propose to her dad.
The problem is, she can’t tell what Mister Kaveh’s relationship with Mister Alhaitham is at all. Usually, it’s obvious who has a crush on who and who’s dating who. Like, Childe has a crush on her dad. It was apparent based on the way he would look at him. Xiao has a crush on Venti. She was able to tell fairly quickly when he offered to help a seemingly random person in his course.
But Kaveh and Alhaitham don’t act like that. They argue at all times, claiming they don’t like each other, yet they have lunch together every other day and constantly bring up the other.
Sulking, she sips on her bubble tea. “Hey, old man,” she kicks her feet, “If two people fight all the time, but they’re always together, what does that mean?”
Zhongli sighs and sets his teacup down. “I miss when you used to call me Baba.”
Hu Tao smiles sweetly, “Never. Ganyu-jiejie brainwashed me.”
Zhongli chuckles and shakes his head, “As long as one of you is still respectful.”
He slides a small cupcake in front of her, “To answer your question, it depends on the people—”
“It’s Mister Kaveh and Mister Alhaitham,” she pipes up.
“Then for them, it’s a form of flirting of sorts. Foreplay, if you will.”
“Zhongli-xiansheng, is… that an okay topic to discuss with your daughter?”
Hu Tao brightens up at the welcome disturbance making his way toward their table.
“Oh don’t worry, I’m not asking about his sex life!” Both men sputter, an embarrassed flush making its way onto their faces.
The college student wrinkles her nose as her dad’s boyfriend gives him a quick peck on the lips.
Childe sits beside Zhongli, waving at Hu Tao, “Who were you talking about then?”
Zhongli picks up his tea cup, “Alhaitham and Kaveh. Someone is sticking her nose in other people’s business instead of focusing on the funeral parlor.”
His daughter shrugs, her pigtails swaying slightly, “The parlor’s great. I’m thinking of introducing 2-for-1 coupons.”
“Please don’t.”
Hu Tao brightens at the voice, something that doesn’t escape her dad’s eye.
“Yanfei! What are you doing all the way here?”
The law student smiles and waves at the family, “I’m on my way to my internship. But my boss’s… roommate? Asked me to deliver his lunch to him.”
The brunette sits straighter, “By any chance is your boss Mister Alhaitham??”
Hesitant, Yanfei nods. A smirk grows on the director’s face, “So Mister Kaveh made the lunch?”
At this point, Yanfei stiffens. Ah ha!
“I apologize Yanfei, for my daughter’s, ahem, curiosity .”
Yanfei waves her hand dismissively, “It’s alright Master Zhongli. I do have to go now, so I’ll see you three later!”
As soon as she leaves, Hu Tao turns slowly, grinning at her dad like the cat who caught the canary.
Zhongli feels a headache coming in, “ No .”
“I’m not saying anything~”
“You’re thinking it.”
“I do no such thing!”
“I know.”
Hu Tao gapes as her dad laughs at her.
“Um, not to butt in but,” Childe slugs an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders, “Hu Tao, don’t you have a class starting soon?”
The college student rolls her eyes but stands up regardless, “Just say you want my dad to yourself, jeez.”
Childe sticks his tongue out at the teen, who mirrors his expression.
“Headaches, both of you.”
“You love us,” Childe and Hu Tao deadpan.
Zhongli smiles as Hu Tao presses a quick kiss against his cheek.
“Bye, Old Man~! I’m off to play Cupid~!”
The consultant deflates as his daughter skips out of the restaurant, laughing.
“You do realize she’s gonna try to get Alhaitham and Kaveh together right?” Childe asks, watching as the teen runs toward her class.
Zhongli hums, “I know, but it’s either she tries to get an engaged couple together or she slams every door open when you come over.”
Childe freezes.
“You know what, she can go terrorize someone else for a bit.”
Zhongli laughs and squeezes his boyfriend’s hand underneath the table.
II.
Hu Tao, once again, finds herself third-wheeling another unofficial couple.
She’s lying on Xiao’s bed, watching as he and Venti do a collab stream. Every so often she comments on Xiao’s builds, something that she knows annoys her older brother.
Well, nothing annoys him more than her teasing him about Venti. Speaking of…
“Xiao-gege~ Venti says he’s cold~”
She watches her brother’s eye twitch. His chat goes crazy at her innocent comment. Venti tries to stifle his laughter but gives up when Xiao glares at him.
“What?! She has a point, I am cold!” Venti grins lopsidedly, making Xiao blush.
“Wow, I can feel the heat from here,” his little sister whistles, fanning her face.
“You two– Ugh never mind.”
The streamer throws his cardigan onto the other’s lap. And then, he grabs the plushie Venti was playing with and throws it at his sister.
Hu Tao cackles as she catches the plushie but remains quiet for the rest of the stream.
As soon as Xiao ends it, she sits up. Her brother cautiously turns to look at her, “What?”
“I have an idea.”
“And I don’t support it.”
“Xiaoooo!”
“I think I prefer the Tao who used to use honorifics.”
“That’s because Jiejie would make me!! Why does everyone keep bringing that up anyway??” She asks, exasperated. Receiving no answer, she flops back down on his bed.
Venti clicks his tongue and stands up, ignoring Xiao’s small noise protest. He throws himself next to the teen, pulling the other’s cardigan over himself.
“Venti-gege, are Mister Alhaitham and Mister Kaveh dating?” She asks, smile growing when she hears Xiao groan.
“Mmm,” Venti taps his chin in thought, “I’d say they’ve probably fucked at least once.”
“VENTI!” The music theory major blanches as a controller flies past his face.
Terrified, his head whips around to face Xiao, “What was that for?!”
“Don’t speculate on people’s sex life?!”
Venti shrugs happily, “It’s not like we haven’t talked about whether or not they’re together before. We bet on it last year, remember? Plus, who am I to deny your sister an answer~?”
He has to dodge another controller.
“ANYWAYS!” The teen gathers the controllers-turned-weapons, “How would you two like to assist me in getting Mister Kaveh and Mister Alhaitham together? The dates we bet on already passed, so it’s not like we’re trying to get the money from it.”
Venti smirks, “I’m in.”
Hu Tao nods, “Perfect. That means Xiao is in.”
“Do I not get a say in this?”
“Nope.”
“No~!”
III.
Xiao has his eyes closed, basking in the sunlight. He’s carding his fingers through Venti’s hair, the other humming any and every tune that comes to his mind.
It would’ve been peaceful, except his phone chirped, alerting him that his pesty little sister was on her way over to his apartment.
“We should get up,” Xiao mumbles drowsily.
Venti simply burrows his face into the streamer’s stomach, making the other chuckle.
“Ventiii, Tao’s gonna come any minute.” Xiao tries to push the other off of him. Venti simply tightens his hold.
“Let. Go.”
“Make me~”
“Okay.”
“Okay?? Wha—”
It happens so quickly that Venti didn’t see it coming. He blinks. One moment he was cuddling with Xiao, the next he’s sitting on the floor.
Xiao snorts from his bed. He leans down, smirking at the other.
“Should’ve let go.”
“You didn’t have to throw me off??”
“Venti… it was my last resort.”
His bedroom door swings open.
His sister’s pigtails practically float as she skips into his room. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything~”
Xiao rolls his eyes but nonetheless accepts the hug in greeting, “ No , you didn’t interrupt anything.”
“It’s not like anything could happen,” Venti grumbles as he lies on the floor.
“Uh huh… Anyways! Guess what this is~” The teen rocks back and forth on her heels, holding out two slips of paper.
Xiao narrows his eyes at her, “If it’s another 2-for-1 coupon I will strangle you. No sane person would offer that at a funeral parlor.”
His sister rolls her eyes, “Don’t worry I had three people talk me out of it.” She shoves the slips in front of his eyes, “It’s a coupon for the Wanmin Restaurant! I had Xiangling give me two.”
Venti sits up and rests his chin on Xiao’s thigh, “Ouuu can we have one?”
Hu Tao nods, “Of course. Anything for Venti-gege and Xiao-gege.”
Xiao was already reaching for the coupon but the moment he hears the honorific he retracts his hand. “What’s the catch?”
The brunette’s eyes shine with amusement, “I’m so glad you’ve learned to ask.”
She sits down on the bed, “One coupon is for us—”
“Us?!”
“Yes, now don’t interrupt. The other coupon is for Mister Kaveh and Mister Alhaitham~!”
She received… varying emotions.
Venti clapped lightly while Xiao’s eye twitched. Oh well, as long as Venti agrees Xiao will go along with it.
And that’s exactly why Xiao finds himself sitting across from his little sister and tailing two men in their late twenties.
“How exactly did you get them to come here?” Xiao questions, glaring at the menace in front of him. Said menace is happily gobbling up fried squid she isn’t paying for.
“Oh, that part was easy. I had Yanfei give the coupon to Mister Alhaitham during their lunch together. And because luck is forever on my side, Mister Alhaitham asked Mister Kaveh out for dinner!”
“Lower your voice,” Xiao hisses, sinking into his seat as the targets sit down on the table behind Hu Tao.
Luckily, they don’t even glance at the siblings.
They do, however, look at Venti as he walks in. He smiles at the couple before taking his seat next to Xiao.
“You’re late.” He frowns.
Venti smiles apologetically, “Sorry. I didn’t think splicing the audio I recorded yesterday would take so long.”
“No matter, you’re here now.”
They had been leaning towards each other during their conversation and were made aware by a little giggle coming across the table.
Hu Tao kicks her feet and rests her chin on her hands. The corner of her eyes crinkle as she smiles at her older brother, “Don’t mind me~ You can keep doing whatever you need to do~”
“I will end you.”
“Try it emo.”
Venti chokes on his water at the teen’s comeback. She grins as she watches Xiao frantically pat the other's back.
She would’ve kept teasing them but sharp voices from the table behind her called for her attention.
She shifts further back and is able to catch the start of what seems to be an argument.
“I just don’t see why that’s necessary—”
“It’s for the aesthetic Haitham, not that you’d understand.”
“Really? I think I have quite the eye for certain aesthetics.”
“That— I—”
Hu Tao groans. So much for a nice date.
Oh well, she turns back to her brother and his crush. At least someone got a nice date tonight.
Unbeknownst to her, Alhaitham and Kaveh were smiling at each other the whole time. The lawyer’s hand gently held the detective’s in his, their engagement rings secured between them.
IV.
Zhongli eyes his youngest daughter with thinly veiled suspicion. Usually, she’s bouncing around the rooms or talking his ear off. Or she’s off with her older brother, causing him trouble. But right now? She’s calmly seated on the couch with him, writing what appears to be a letter. He doesn’t trust this.
“Tao?”
“Yeah, Old Man?”
“You’re not doing anything… illegal, are you?”
His daughter wrinkles her nose, “No. I would never.”
“Okay.” That answer doesn’t make him feel any better.
A knock at the door distracts him from his child.
“Heya, Zhongli-xiansheng,” Childe smiles at Zhongli, completely smitten with the man.
“Childe, what a pleasant surprise,” The older man hums happily, leaning down to kiss his boyfriend.
A noise of disgust is heard from the living room. Laughing, Childe wraps his arms around the other’s waist.
“You weren’t even looking!” The ginger yells into the house.
“I don’t care!!” came the childish reply.
Childe rolls his eyes before standing straighter, “Ah, I forgot! I brought a guest!”
He stands to the side, allowing the young lady to step closer.
“Hi Baba,” she smiles warmly.
“Ganyu!” He pulls his eldest into a hug, “I thought you wouldn’t be able to come until next month.”
She laughs airily, “Lady Ningguang let all of us out early since we finished the assignment pretty quickly.”
“Oi Old Man you better not be sucking tongue— JIEJIE!!”
A flurry of red and brown launches herself at Ganyu before she can steady herself.
Both girls tumble down. Hu Tao giggles and wraps her arms around her older sister’s neck, “You came back early!!”
Ganyu laughs and kisses her baby sister’s cheek, “I wanted to surprise you and Xiao.” Zhongli steps forward, extending his hands out for each girl to take. With his help, they’re back on their feet.
Zhongli watches as his younger daughter leads his eldest into the living room, excitedly chattering her ear off. Childe hugs him from behind, resting his chin on the other’s shoulder, “All you’re missing is Xiao, and the gang is back together.” The consultant chuckles and intertwines their fingers together, “He should be coming by soon. Don’t open the door when he comes. I’ll send Ganyu.”
The ginger did not, in fact, listen. That much was evident when he limps behind Xiao (and by extension, Venti), his face scrunched up in pain.
Zhongli sighs and helps his boyfriend towards the nearest couch.
“He kicked you?”
“I blocked him.”
“Really? With what?”
“… With my shin?”
He shakes his head fondly, “At least it wasn’t your—”
He pauses as he takes in the scene before him.
Ganyu’s clutching two sheets of paper, her cheeks growing redder by the minute,
“The… the innuendos…”
Venti has his phone out, gleefully recording the other two siblings in what seems to be a catfight.
“YOU CAN'T WRITE THAT!”
“I'M NOT WRITING IT FOR MYSELF!”
“THAT’S WORSE?!?!”
“BABA!”
“BABA!”
The urge to run away is strong, but Zhongli firmly plants his feet on the ground. Stiffly smiling, he grabs Xiao and Hu Tao by the back of their collars. After a bit of a struggle, he manages to separate the two.
Ganyu hands him the letters Hu Tao had spent her morning writing. He feels the back of his neck heat up as he reads.
“...Tao?”
“Yes, Baba?”
“What were you going to do with these letters?”
“Give them to Mister Kaveh and Mister Alhaitham?”
“No, you’re not.”
“No, I’m not.”
Nodding, he hands the letters back to Hu Tao and instructs her to burn them. Surprisingly, she agrees without much resistance.
It’s not until they’re all discussing what they should have for dinner that Childe points out something very important.
No one’s seen Hu Tao in the past hour…
…They find her trying to convince Yanfei to hand over the letters to her boss.
Luckily, Childe’s able to haul her back home before she causes any more damage.
V.
Today, Hu Tao decides, is the day she speaks to Mister Kaveh directly. He takes her out to brunch at least once a week to catch up on gossip, so she knows he’s super friendly!
Usually, he’s on a random bench sketching or he’s out and about with Mister Heizou. Today though, she can’t seem to find him anywhere.
“Hu Tao!”
The teen turns and smiles at the high schooler rapidly approaching her.
“Hiya, Xiangling!”
Her space buns bounce as she stops in front of Hu Tao, “Wanna come over to the restaurant? My Baba’s letting me choose the daily special today!”
“Sure!” It’s not like she’s going to find Kaveh right now anyway.
Xiangling beams and leads the way to her family’s restaurant. They talk about school and their coursework until the tables in front of the Wanmin Restaurant come into view.
Hu Tao freezes as a familiar laugh is accompanied by an unknown voice. She watches as the detective leans into the other man’s space, eyes sparkling. Her eyes find themselves drifting to their hands and– oh no.
There are two shining gold bands on their ring fingers.
Mister Kaveh’s companion’s ear twitches, and he turns to face her. Ah, he must have noticed her openly gaping at him.
“Hey, Xiangling?”
“Yeah?”
“Who’s that next to Mister Kaveh?”
“Oh! That’s Master Tighnari! Apparently, he and Kaveh have known each other since they were kids!”
“And he’s wearing a ring?”
“Newly engaged! We gave the couple a free dessert as a congratulations!”
Immediately, all her energy oozes out of her. “He’s engaged?!”
Xiangling nods happily, “Yup! According to Mister Kaveh, it took forever for the engagement to happen!”
“Xiangling… my efforts have been in vain…”
“Um…??”
+1.
Yanfei finds Hu Tao sulking on a random bench.
“Hey Tao!”
Hu Tao looks up, “Hi Yanfei! What’s up?”
The law student sits beside the other, “I was going to ask you that. Why do seem so… sad?”
At the mention of her mood, Hu Tao slumps onto the bench, “I just found out Mister Kaveh’s engaged.”
“Yes?”
“...Why aren’t you surprised?”
“Because he’s been engaged for the past three months?”
“WHAT?!”
Yanfei jumps back as Hu Tao’s face completely drops, “Yeah. They were dating for several years and finally got engaged.”
“That’s why Kaveh said the engagement was a long time coming?”
“He said that?”
“Yeah?”
Hu Tao groans and grabs her head in her hands, “My efforts… wasted.”
Out of nowhere, she grabs Yanfei’s shoulders, “Why is your boss so slow???? WHY DIDN’T HE CONFESS?!?!”
Now Yanfei was confused. “Wait wait wait–”
She grabs Hu Tao’s shoulders, “Tao… who do you think Kaveh is engaged to?”
A blink. “...Master Tighnari?”
“Hu Tao… Master Tighnari is Kaveh’s best friend. Kaveh’s engaged to Alhaitham .”
“WHAT?!?!”
Hu Tao bursts into her brother’s room, “YOU WON’T BELIEVE–”
She pauses, taking in the scene.
Venti’s leaning against Xiao’s chest his hands tangled in her older brother’s hair. Xiao has his hands loosely wrapped around the other’s waist. Both their lips are bruised, their cheeks slightly tinted maroon.
A beat.
Then both siblings scream and Hu Tao runs out of his room. A couple of minutes later, Xiao and Venti emerge, red with embarrassment.
Xiao sits in front of his little sister, refusing to meet her eyes.
“I–”
The teen throws her hands out, immediately stopping his words, “Before we get into… that, I just found out that Mister Alhaitham and Mister Kaveh were already engaged!”
Venti’s eyes light up as he leans forward excitedly, “I thought they were barely getting over the sexual tension!”
Hu Tao shakes her head, “Nope~! Turns out they had been together for six years !”
They talk a bit before silence takes over.
“So,” Hu Tao smirks, “It seems like you two finally got over your tension~”
Instead of getting flustered, Xiao actually frowns.
“Tao, we’ve been dating for the past year .”
Her smile freezes on her face. Venti giggles at her expression.
Hu Tao inhales sharply, “Why…
WHY DOES NO ONE TELL ME THESE THINGS?!?!”