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The stars are brighter out here than anywhere else Jongdae has ever been. Maybe it's the fact that out here, there is almost no light pollution obscuring his view.
Maybe it's because he's never truly looked before.
-18 hours
Jongdae's mother pulls at the collar of his ironed and starched white church shirt. She always insists that he buttons it up all the way to the top, but it makes Jongdae feel as if he's suffocating.
Many things make Jongdae feel like he's suffocating.
The fact that he's 23 and hasn't ever been away from home for longer than the two-day sleepover trip into the mountains he took in fifth grade. The fact that his mom tracks his old, beat-up phone wherever he goes. The fact that his mom buttons up his top button, pinching his neck between her fingers by accident.
He flinches away from her touch and she swats his shoulder for it.
"Now you look proper. Off you go, your friends are waiting," his mom says, more of a command than it is a suggestion.
Jongdae turns and locks eyes with a kid he knows from bible class and a few other vaguely familiar faces.
None of them are people he'd necessarily call friends but that's not for him to decide.
He sighs. Nothing is.
So he trudges over to the kids his age , a finger hooked into his collar to keep it from digging into his neck too much.
They greet him politely and ask about his week in the most superficial way and Jongdae replies, always kind and courteous.
Conversation soon moves to other exciting topics (the sermon. Next week's sermon. Last week's sermon.) and Jongdae lets his gaze sweep over the crowd of people dressed in light colors, their sundresses and modest necklines, gelled back hair and patterned ties.
"Hey, JD! Long time no see, buddy."
The voice that just piped up next to him lets a rush of sudden excitement loose in Jongdae's body, both fear and elation mixing into a dangerous cocktail of agitation.
"Baekhyun," he carefully greets, eyeing the young man that had suddenly appeared right next to him.
He's in a shirt not dissimilar to Jongdae’s, light blue instead of white but he's obviously won the fight against his mom, top button popped, revealing a neck and a pointy bit of clavicle, a mole in the hollow of his throat.
In the cartilage of his left ear, a small silver ring glints in the sun.
Jongdae tears his eyes away from him, no matter how much he has to fight himself to do it.
Not here. Not now.
"Hey Matt, we're gonna go inside. You coming?" The kid from bible study asks, throwing Jongdae a concerned look.
Jongdae knows. Knows today he's supposed to be Matteo, knows he should stay far, far away from Baekhyun on the days he's supposed to be Matteo but he can't bring himself to do it.
"I'll stay out in the sun for another moment," he explains, "you go on ahead. I'll be there in a minute."
From the corner of his eye, he can see Baekhyun beaming and on his back, he feels the burning hot fury of his mom's gaze.
-17 hours
Baekhyun shoves Jongdae into the cupboard of the janitor's closet roughly, a heavy thump resonating through Jongdae's chest.
"Filial, god-fearing son, my ass," Baekhyun hisses and lunges at Jongdae.
They kiss, desperate and with clicking teeth and with so much force, the initial impact hurts. Jongdae clutches onto Baekhyun like a lifeline, hands fisted into his shirt, popping open another button.
"Fuck, Jongdae," Baekhyun gasps when he comes up for air, gasping right into Jongdae's face.
Jongdae just whines, pulls Baekhyun back into another kiss, Baekhyun's hands wrapped around his waist in an iron grip.
They struggle for dominance for a moment but Baekhyun wins, always does. Jongdae melts into him.
The door bangs open.
-16 hours
Baekhyun locks the doors to his beat-up old car he had driven to church. It had been his first big investment after dropping out of university, choosing to work instead.
Jongdae's mom bangs on the passenger side window, her head red like a lobster and detachedly, Jongdae thinks she looks kind of like the devil she's accusing him to be possessed by.
"GET OUT! OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR, OR SO HELP ME GOD!" she screams, screeches, roars.
She bangs on the window so hard, for a second Jongdae is scared she's going to crash her tiny fist through the glass.
A hand finds Jongdae's, squeezing his fingers hard. Then, Baekhyun lets go again, reaching up to the built-in radio. He clicks it on and Everybody Wants to Rule the World blares out of the tinny speakers.
Baekhyun peels out of the church parking lot. Jongdae only looks back to his old life through the rearview mirror.
The whole church congregation is watching them go.
Jongdae sets his eyes on the horizon.
-14 hours
Jongdae's church shirt needs to go, he decides. He can't breathe in it.
Baekhyun hands him a shirt, wide and baggy and too big in the shoulder area when Jongdae slips it over his undershirt in the gas station parking lot.
It's gray and smells like Baekhyun in the most primal sort of way. Like he picked it up from his floor this morning, having worn it a few days earlier.
Jongdae buries his nose into the collar, breathes him in.
He looks up at Baekhyun from under his lashes, studies him. Baekhyun studies him right back.
Baekhyun smiles, gently. He pats the hood of his car next to where he's sitting. Jongdae comes all too willingly.
"I'm so glad you came," Baekhyun murmurs. His eyes are droopy, as they always are, but there's such joy in them, Jongdae gets lost.
"Me too," he says.
They kiss. This time, there's no need to hide. There won't be, ever again.
-10 hours
The inn they check into is nondescript but has a cozy-looking dining area and the double bed doesn't have two small mattresses but one big one instead.
The clerk doesn't give them any weird looks and Jongdae's heart flutters.
He drops his messenger bag on the table in their room, fishes out all that he's brought.
A few important documents, his wallet, a picture of him and his brother. A picture of him and Baekhyun, on a school trip in fifth grade.
He plugs his old phone into the outlet and his screen lights up with missed calls and texts. The previews alone make his heart squeeze painfully in his chest.
Long, elegant fingers gently wrench his phone out of his hand, set it on the table, screen down.
They pick up the picture of Baekhyun and him instead, all wide grins with tooth gaps, eyes bright and happy.
"You and me. Destined to stick together, huh," Baekhyun asks, pointy chin hooked over Jongdae's shoulder.
He rubs a gentle thumb over Jongdae's face in the picture.
"Man, your ears were so ridiculous. I had such a crush on you."
"Says the right person," Jongdae laughs and he doesn't clarify if he's talking about ridiculous ears or crushes.
The answer is both and they know if.
He turns in the cage of Baekhyun's arms.
It's the first time he's been caged in but feels so free.
He touches gentle fingers to Baekhyun's cheek, studies his face.
There's no need to hurry here, no need to take what you can get. Jongdae savors the slowest, most delicious kiss they've ever shared. Presses another and another to Baekhyun's mouth, the corner of his lips, his jaw.
Baekhyun's hands smooth up Jongdae's waist and they lift his shirt up with them, baring his stomach to the heat of late summer.
He massages circles into Jongdae's sides with gentle thumbs, kisses back whenever Jongdae reaches his mouth again.
-7 hours
They're in bed ( together! No need to fear anything anymore ) just staring at each other. Their hands are loosely tangled between their bodies, fingers lightly interlocked.
Jongdae's eyes wander over Baekhyun's handsome features, the charming mole over his lip, another on the round apple of his cheek.
The sun is slowly setting, her low light illuminating the room in stark orange and harsh shadows. With her sets Jongdae's old life.
The wind carries the sea into their room, air fresher than Jongdae has ever tasted it.
It's sweet. It's free.
-1 hour
Jongdae watches Baekhyun sleep. His mouth is wide open, almost a perfect 'O'. He keeps twitching and making tiny puppy noises in his sleep. There's a tiny trail of drool running from the corner of his mouth.
Jongdae wants to kiss him so badly. He's never ached to love someone so desperately.
He used to think he only loved his family, only loved the lord. But their love pales in comparison to what he feels for this drooling boy with pillow wrinkles on his cheek. It pales and pales until it's the color of Jongdae's discarded white church shirt.
Jongdae can't sleep. He tries. Tosses. Turns. Snuggles into Baekhyun.
He sits up. He wants to see the stars.
Dawn
Jongdae, for the first time ever, buries his toes in the cold sand of the seaside and looks up.
The stars are brighter out here than anywhere else Jongdae has ever been. Maybe it's the fact that out here, there is almost no light pollution obscuring his view.
Maybe it's because he's never truly looked before.
Tiny gentle waves lap at his bare feet, tickling him. The stars glitter and glimmer above him, the moon huge and round over the black of the ocean.
Strong arms wrap around Jongdae's waist and he leans back into Baekhyun's sturdy broad chest.
He trusts him with his life. Baekhyun will hold him. Baekhyun will save him. With Baekhyun by his side, he can do anything.
They stand there in the sand, warming each other with their body heat, for once no need to say anything.
The sky slowly grows lighter and lighter, flushed orange and pink and purple, and tears well up in Jongdae's eyes. Another tear drops to his neck, Baekhyun's face buried there from behind.
It's the dawn of a new day. It's the dawn of their new life.
The sun greets them, warmly, brightly, blazingly.