Chapter Text
“I miss you deeply, unfathomably, senselessly, terribly.” - Franz Kafka
June 3
In more than one way, Kafka was a terrible girlfriend. To say she was unconventional is a severe understatement. She was calculating (to the point that one could call her manipulative ). She had a biting tongue and didn't hold back in the slightest when spitting venom. She had a twisted sense of humor and would often scare Himeko on purpose, just to get a jump or a scream out of her. She hid her emotions behind layers and layers of walls, and you had to pry them apart with your bare hands, just to get a glimpse of her true feelings.
She never overstepped a boundary, but god, did she enjoy testing its limits, poking and prodding until Himeko wanted to grind her teeth to dust in frustration.
That was Kafka. Beautiful, terrible, infuriating Kafka.
They weren't a picturesque couple. Far from it. When they fought, it was like two feral cats trapped in the same cage. There were many sleepless nights, nights when Himeko kicked her out of the bedroom - out of the house, even. Nights where she shed tears of pain and frustration from Kafka's words or actions. They screamed and broke things and even made threats.
How they managed to stay together for 7 years is close to a miracle.
But still, those years with Kafka were the happiest of Himeko's life. On their very first date, Kafka took her to some seedy bar, and then ended up breaking a beer bottle over a man's head when he decided that Himeko's low-cut dress was an invitation for his touch. She was appalled, of course, she never got into a bar fight or kicked out of an establishment before. And it resulted in some of the best sex she's ever had in her entire life.
They never said "I love you" or had a plan to marry. None of that "settling down" nonsense. The things a normal couple typically do. They were women who wanted something out of life, who had dreams and aspirations that went beyond the stars, and the willpower to make it happen. They could never settle, never stop moving. Maybe that's why they worked so well, for as long as it did.
It all came to an end when Himeko truly, truly could not take it anymore. When Kafka's worst quality shined the brightest.
Too many nights spent alone while Kafka was overseas and away for work, where Himeko's cruel imagination showed all the different ways Kafka would return in a body bag. One too many visits to the hospital to see those terrible wires strung up to her body, and her usual smug smile gone from her unconscious, pale face. The new scars that would occasionally decorate her skin (a grazed bullet here, and a fractured rib there).
Kafka's worst trait was her complete disregard for her own health and safety while on the job. What job specifically, Himeko never even knew. It was top secret, apparently, and they respected each other's boundaries like that. Himeko only knew that it was too dangerous, that no mission is worth getting blown to pieces over. Kafka always insisted that it was for the "greater good", and life? Well, one single, miserable, little life didn't matter in the "grand scheme" of things.
She finally had nothing to say when Himeko slapped her across the face, tears burning hot trails on her cheek.
That night, Himeko packed her things and left and never looked back. Kafka didn't chase after her either.
Three years since that fateful night and they both went on with their lives.
Himeko is not a sentimental person, she doesn't dwell on the past or relive memories for the sake of reliving them. But the funny thing about reminiscing, about lingering on old wounds and bad memories, is that it all feels so distant. So small and insignificant.
Especially when you're staring at a gravestone.