Chapter Text
Eli was 19 when he arrived at the manor.
Young and guided by love, he came to the manor for its prize so he could afford a wedding with his beloved fiance, Gertrude. Yet, the darkness of the manor dragged his hopes and morales down day by day. Endless gruesome challenges… Endless injuries… Endless bed-ridden nights… What were they all for? For a victory that lasts for a day until they were thrown into another game again? Will he ever escape this bloody cycle and return to his beloved?
When he came, he was gloomy and mysterious. He only spoke Welsh and had a hard time communicating with just about anyone. He only conversed with Fiona, apparently his sister, who acted as a translator for him and the other survivors. But he never personally interact with other survivors all that much, preferring to lounge in the library all day to master the language or to read any other things that piqued his interest. Other survivors thought he was in his thirties for his tall figure and dark voice, and his ability to see the future gave him an air of maturity. With a mask over his eyes, no one could tell that the weight of the game was increasing his shoulders day by day…
Well, almost no one.
As an ex-soldier, Naib Subedar recognizes the signs of depression. He felt it from the seer, strangely, even with nearly his entire body covered. He could tell from the slouch of his shoulder, the way his deep voice hid a hint of exhaustion, and how he only ever talked to his owl in a sort of sadness he had never shown to other people. Naib felt like he understood what he was going through.
So he did what he never thought he’d do. He’d engage the seer in conversations late at night when they passed by, and slowly found him to be a pleasant man. They’d share their past life, laugh about match mishaps, and even confide in each other about their troubles: The seer was afraid that he’d never return to his fiance again, and Naib shared the same sentiment with his mother. He managed to dig into a layer of him that no one else did through all the nightmare comforts and the smoke breaks. He was probably the first person Naib has ever gotten close to, unlike the casual friendship he had with William or Martha.
He’d even admitted to the seer about his attraction to males, to which the seer responded with his usual quips with a smile he doesn't often show to others, “I’m not surprised. Well, I did foresee it.”
Naib almost felt like it was due to fate that they were in the manor together, that Eli was meant to meet Naib. With how much he can connect to him, Naib would never have imagined his real age.
“You’re 21? So that means when you came here… you were 19??”
The seer awkwardly scratched his chin, “Ah… Yes. I’m sorry for not letting that be known.”
It was a shock to the mercenary. So the person he felt so close to, the person he felt understood him most, was just a young man Yet he had such an air of maturity and wisdom, something Naib found comforting. Two years he’d known him, known his favourite kind of tea, memorized the sound of his rare puffs of laughter… Yet he never knew his real age.
“That’s alright, you’re well in your rights. Everyone seemed shocked, but I guess we cannot blame them. You give off more of an uncle vibe than a teen.” Naib joked. The seer noticed that Naib didn’t often like to joke around other people.
“How dare you.” The seer chuckled.
If the seer were honest, he didn’t mind that everyone else was much older than him. Everyone came with different purposes and different backgrounds. Whether it was for money, knowledge, or escapism, in the end, everyone suffered the same. He didn’t understand why this retired soldier took so much interest in him when he first came, but he did foresee that it was going to be the case. The seer had figured he probably needed someone to rely on, and the seer happily fulfilled that role. Plus, the man gave him much-needed distraction and entertainment from their predicament.
As months passed, the pain and sadness of leaving Gertrude gnawed at him harder and harder every day. The ex-soldier filled the hold in his chest, and after a while, he accepted him as his comfort. As the days went by, and visions upon visions about nothing but their games and their violence, he slowly accepted that he might never return to her ever again.
There was a period when he had to distance himself from the mercenary to ponder on that realization. When he was ready to face his only close friend in the manor again, he found that Naib had been waiting patiently for him all this time, brewing the same tea every night for himself in case Eli ever joined him, and smoking cigars in their usual spot. What was that English phrase? ‘When a door closes, a window opens’? Perhaps this is what it meant.
He didn’t want to tell the mercenary about the possibility that he might never meet his mother again. He didn’t want him to experience the despair he’s been suffering, so they continued their nightly routine of chatting over a smoke session, enjoying tea at night, or accompanying the other in their bedroom whenever one of them had a rough nightmare. Eli hoped it stayed like that forever.
One day, however, the mercenary finally asked him.
“Hey… Eli. Do you think we’ll ever return to our families, your fiance?”
“We got to. I have a feeling that we will get what was promised.”
The mercenary smiled, knowing that the seer’s feeling was never wrong.
“I don’t know… I’ve been in these games longer than you. Sometimes I feel like we might never get what the manor owner promised us, and we might be trapped to play this damned game forever.”
“I’m glad I’m playing it with you then.”
That was the only thing the seer could say to steer the mercenary away from the discussion he knew would ensue. The mercenary looked at him, a little bit of hope seeped into his bright blue-green eyes. Eli had always wondered how a Nepali soldier would have such beautiful bright eyes since Naib never talked about anyone but his native Nepali mother, but his face heated up as he stared at them through Brooke’s eyes. He was just glad his mask could hide his blush.
“I’m glad, too. Couldn’t ask for another better partner in these trying times.” Naib supplied, his smile never faltering.
The seer watched him calmly as he put the cigar back into his lips. Now he can protect Naib from the truth. But… he felt Naib might mean even more than a ‘partner in the game’ to him.
They still enjoyed the talks, and they synergized seamlessly during matches. As his feelings for the ex-soldier grew, so did his guilt for Naib. He knew he wasn’t going to go back to Gertrude; Eli kept looking to the future for an opportunity that can lead him out of this purgatory but nothing like that existed. He believed he was there in the first place to repent, to spend the rest of his life here because of what he did. He served his sentences, he shouldn’t be yearning for more.
Isn’t it ok to start anew with him? Aren’t you never leaving the manor anyway? So why are you clinging to her?
Brooke’s voice sounded in his head repeatedly as he lay awake on his bed one night. He couldn’t answer her despite being the “all-knowing seer”. He’s been losing sleep like this for days, other survivors have complained about his belated protection via Brooke and refused to team with him, all but Naib. But he found it hard to even look Naib in the eye anymore, so he isolated himself whenever possible. He knew this can’t keep up, but what could he do?
Knock knock. A knock on the door. He knew it was Naib; he didn’t need to open the door to know that. He hoped that if he stayed quiet Naib would just go away.
Answer him.
Eli sighed, cursing at the owl talking in his head before begrudgingly leaving the bed to open the door.
The air was slightly awkward as the mercenary asked if he was alright. He tried to hold it in, tried to hide the pain so that the man he loved didn’t have to feel it. But something about the sight of his worried face and those beautiful blue-green eyes made him weak. He found himself choking slightly, then the next thing he knew, his throat warmed and tears rolled down quickly.
“I-I’m sorry, I’m just- I know what you’re going to say already. I love you, too! I’ve had feelings for you for a while, too! I… But I can’t, I don’t deserve to love you when I-” It was an explosion of emotion. Anger, grief, despair, joy. It was overwhelming. "I keep looking for a path in the future that'll lead me out of this god-forsaken place! Yet I walked in here willingly, knowing that I will never get out of here! I yearn for her, yet... Yet... I left her, of my own accord... Am I selfish?! Selfish for foolishly clinging onto that memory of her?! It scares me that I do not have the answer!”
He let out a strangled sob and leaned into the mercenary’s chest abruptly. Although startled, Naib still brought a hand up to Eli’s back and pressed down, trying to soothe him through his swirling emotions.
"All I want is her happiness. If she is happy, then I am too... If she has found happiness right now... That is all I can ask for... Clinging to these feelings will not do me any good... We will be..." Eli stopped himself. He still didn’t want Naib to know their fate. He’d keep that secret until the day they both perished from the world.
Naib was silent, letting the seer cry as loud and long as he needed, and they stayed like that for nearly half an hour. After Eli calmed down, he found himself being gently led back into his room by Naib, who laid them both on his bed and let Eli bury his face onto his chest.
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll wait as long as you still hold feelings for her,” Naib whispered a promise. “For now, I think you needed this.”
Suddenly, the roles were reversed. It was no longer the seer being more mature than Naib, but it was Naib being the caretaker to him. It’s been so long since Eli felt like that. It felt… nice…
As Eli dozed off to Naib’s earthy scent, tired from the crying and cosy from the warmth radiating from the ex-soldier, the seer decided he was not going to let another person he loved wait for him.