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The low rumble of the Impala’s engine shuts off with a soft clicking noise. Dean rests his head on the steering wheel with a deep sigh. He wants nothing more than to go inside, wash off this shit show of a day and snuggle up with Cas, order take out and watch shit TV. He can't believe he stormed out of the house this morning without saying anything. Shit, he barely acknowledged Castiel's existence, for that matter. Last night's fight is still at the forefront of his mind.
He knows Cas is right. Cas is always right, but he barely had any time to process his feelings about this whole thing before Cas came home. They have been together going on 12 years now, 6 of those they have been happily married. Sure they've had fights, no couple hasn't, but the one that always comes back around, John fucking Winchester. This time in the form of a letter letting him know that he's one year sober and wants to see his son and make amends blah blah blah. Dean has heard it all before. This isn't the first time John has been sober, and he's certain he will relapse again.
They have talked about this the whole time they have been together. Cas just wants Dean to finally be free of him, but Dean being Dean, he can't seem to make the final break. He has no logical reason to keep this up. He hasn't actually spoken to his father in over three years now. The last time ended with harsh words and fists being thrown because according to John, “it's time for you to stop fucking around, Dean. You had your fun playing house with that queer boy. You need to grow up and be a real man.” That night Cas had cleaned him up and held him as he sobbed, telling him that no matter what, even in the darkest of times, he will be the light that shows him the way out of the darkness. It seems to have fallen into a cycle, every time John-related issues arise, Dean spirals and Cas is there to pick up the broken pieces.
Cas had told Dean to sit down with John and finally put everything to rest, tell him to fuck off and never talk to him again.” It's been 11 years, Dean, of the same back and forth. Every time He comes around, you turn into someone I don't even recognize. I can't do this anymore. Enough is enough! I'm tired of coming home and finding my husband drinking himself into oblivion over the same son of a bitch that has tried and succeeded in making your life hell at every available opportunity”. Dean, drunk off his ass, his emotions on display, had lashed out blaming Cas even though they both knew none of this was his fault. Cas has been the only one there for everything. Cas retreated to their bedroom with no more words spoken, just resigned to fight about this again when the next letter came.
Dean sighed again, opening the door to the Impala. He needs to talk to Cas, and apologize for lashing out. More than that, he needs Cas to know that he deserves happiness just as much, if not more, than Dean himself. He's been dealing with the after-effects of John Winchester for their entire relationship. He deserves to be free of him. If Dean won't do it for himself, he sure as fuck can do it for Cas.
Opening the front door, and stepping into the glorious A/C after spending the day repairing a roof in the blistering summer heat, Dean sees no sign of Cas.
“Cas, Sweetheart, you home?” Dean calls out as he unlaces his boots by the front door.
walking through the house, finding the living room and Kitchen both Casless. “Cas?”
Dean catches a glimpse of light shining off one of Cas’ gardening tools as he walks up to the sliding glass door. The sight that greets him is one that he feels unworthy of on his best days. Cas kneeling in the dirt in his favorite pair of old worn jeans with Dean’s AC/DC shirt that he's had since he was 16. Dean could go out there, could just get everything off his chest right now. Instead, he just watches.
He watches as Cas sets aside his hand shovel, grabs his newest baby, what looks like a vibrant Zinnia (what, he pays attention to Cas’ rants about his garden, he's adorable, sue him) with bright pink petals and a yellow center. He watches as Cas brings the flower to his nose, taking in the scent as he brushes a thumb ever so delicately over one of the petals. As Dean continues to watch he has a brilliant idea. He pulls out his phone and connects it to the bluetooth speakers that surround the backyard. He cues up a cover song that he came across earlier today when listening to one of Cas’ playlists.
He can see the moment Cas hears the first opening notes, and then watches him looking around to see what could be causing this. Dean steps through the sliding Glass door, walks across the patio down the stairs, and makes his way to stand directly in front of Cas.
Looking up, blocking the sunlight with a hand hovered over his eyes, Cas offers a soft smile that doesn't fully reach his eyes, “Hello, Dean.”
“Dance with me, Cas,” Dean says as he holds a hand out, just as the beginning lyrics start flowing from the speakers.
Clock strikes upon the hour
And the sun begins to fade
Still enough time to figure out
How to chase my blues away
Dean is studying Cas’ face as he begins to sway them back and forth. “You look beautiful like this,” Dean says, pulling him closer by wrapping both arms around his waist.
“What, covered in dirt, wearing your old ratty clothes and also smelling like the inside of a dumpster?” Cas says, not meeting Dean's eyes.
“You are beautiful every hour of every day, Cas. Even if you smell like a dumpster, even if you are wearing the most ridiculous clothes or when you are stuffing your face full of burgers but, you are especially beautiful out here in the golden sun surrounded by your bees and your flowers.”
“Dean,” Cas starts, ocean blues boring into emerald greens. “I’m sorry for pushing so hard, I just hate seeing you in so much pain.”
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me
Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel that heat with somebody
“Cas, please don't apologize for wanting me to be happy. I know this is just as hard for you as it is for me, and the way I treated you was completely unfair.” Dean says as he continues to hold Cas as close as possible, swaying with the music.
“You're right, ya know, I should have done this years ago. I put both of us through so much just because I couldn't sort out my shit and cut ties with a person who's never given a single shit about me or my happiness.”
“Dean- '' Cas starts, but Dean just plows right on through. “No, Cas, I know what you're gonna say, that it isn't about you, and you're right, it's about us. Everything you've done, you've done for us, for ME, and I repay you with having to deal with a grown ass man that can't man up to his dad because I’m what? Afraid of what he might say or do? I refuse to let him continue to have this hold over me, to come between us again and again. You don't deserve this, Cas.”
On a love that burns hot enough to last
So when the night falls
My lonely heart calls
I wanna dance with somebody
“Dean, you don't deserve this either. I know better than anyone how hard this has been for you, and I shouldn't have pushed the way I did, especially knowing how on edge you were in the moment, and for that, my love, I am truly sorry,” Cas says, arms wrapped tight around Dean's shoulders, their faces only a breath away from each other.
“I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. It's not your fault. None of this bullshit is your fault. You were just caught in the crossfire, and I couldn't stow my shit long enough to see how much this has hurt you too. I'm sorry.” Dean says, bringing a hand to Cas’ face and rubbing a thumb over his cheek, the stubble rough on the tip of his finger.
Dean stops swaying, putting both hands on Cas’ face, lifting his chin enough so he looks up, and they make eye contact. “I'm gonna call him, set up a time and place and get this done. I can't do this without you though, Cas, I know that's unfair to ask this of you-”
“Dean, there is nowhere I would rather be than by your side for whatever comes our way.” Cas says, leaning in to rest his forehead against Deans. “I'm here, my love, and nothing and no one could take me away from you. It's been 12 years, Dean. It's gonna take a lot more than John Winchester to get rid of me. In fact, there is no scenario in which you could possibly do so. It's in the terms and conditions, babe.” a small smirk plays at his lips to let Dean know he's very pleased with himself.
“Oh, fuck you,” Dean says, letting out a small chuckle as The last notes of the song fade out.
“I really am sorry, Dean-” Cas starts, but Dean is not going to let Cas continue to apologize for this. He cuts him off by leaning forward, sealing their lips together. “No more apologies outta you. We both know it's me that should be apologizing. Let me make it up to you.”
“What did you have in mind?” a smirk plays at Cas’ lips.
Dean, rolling his eyes, “You're such a perv. I was thinking you could go shower, I'll make us some dinner, and we can snuggle up on the couch and watch that bee documentary that you've been trying to get me to watch.”
Sneaking another kiss, Cas says, “That sounds like a great plan. I only have one issue.”
“Oh, yea? And what would that be?”
“That you think I'm not dragging you into that shower with me,” Cas says as he grabs Dean's hands, dragging him back towards the house, eyes sparkling with mischief.
Dean has a moment where he just gets lost in the sea of blue, a small smile on his lips, “Well, we are in a drought. It's good for the environment, saving water and all that,” he finishes with a full shit eating grin, like he thinks he's the funniest guy on the planet. However, the look Cas levels him with tells him that Cas is very much not amused.
They reach the house, Dean goes to disconnect his phone, then to the fridge to pull out a few things for dinner. Cas stops on the stairs leading up to their bedroom. “I'll be up in just a minute, go get started, and I'll be right behind you,” Dean says, tacking on a smile. Cas is looking at Dean like he knows exactly what is going on in his head right now. Which , fair, he probably does, but he just needs a minute. It's been a shitty few days, and he's feeling so many emotions. He feels splayed open, and vulnerable. He just needs a minute to get it together. Cas continues up the stairs, and Dean can hear when Cas turns the shower on.
Fuck, he can't believe he let John come between them. AGAIN. Everything is always going so well, and then John comes back and sends Dean spiralling. Always wondering why, why if he's so fucked up, if he's so unworthy of love, why does he keep coming back just to tell him all the things he already knows. It's a never ending cycle, and Cas, who deserves so much better than Dean, is always caught in the middle.
Even if he wasn't ready to do this for himself, he would do this for Cas. It's long overdue that he makes the final cut. He will no longer allow him to have this kind of control over Dean. Never again. Maybe he should call Missouri and set up an appointment. He stopped going to therapy about a year ago, but if he's going to do this, he's going to do it right.
Pulling his shit together, Dean makes his way up the stairs into their bedroom. Stripping on his way to the bathroom, he stops at the door, just admiring the sight that greets him. Dean has never been more thankful for putting in glass doors when they did a remodel a few years back.
There Cas is, in all his glory. Miles of toned, tanned skin glistening from the water running down his body.
Head leaned back under the spray exposing his throat and letting the water wash over him—even after all these years, Dean will never be able to stop his heart from beginning to beat faster at the sight of Cas like this. He strips quickly, then steps into the shower behind Cas and wraps his arms around Cas’ waist, running his hands over the toned muscles that Cas had built over the past few months of running.
“Hey, Sweetheart,” he murmurs into Cas’ ear, kissing down the side of his neck and tugging gently with his teeth at Cas’ ear.
Cas leans back into Dean’s chest contentedly and tips his head back to kiss Dean on the lips, then turns himself and tugs Dean close to his chest. “Hello, my love. Thank you for joining me.”
Dean smiles, then closes his eyes as Cas kisses down his cheek and nips at his jaw, his mind beginning to calm under the gentle touches. Cas pulls him forward under the warm spray of the shower, and he sighs as Cas turns him towards the wall and begins to massage his shoulders, pausing to kiss across his upper back, his strong hands running down to Dean’s ass, where he suddenly squeezes, causing Dean to jump a little and then chuckle.
“Feeling frisky, Cas?” He turns to smirk at Cas over his shoulder, but his breath catches in his throat as he locks eyes with Cas. The adoring, gentle smile curving Cas’ lips upward was breathtaking, and Dean drops his eyes, overwhelmed by the love shining in Cas’ blue eyes.
"Look at me, my love," Cas pulls them both out of the reach of the water, gently tilting Dean's chin up to look at him. "I love you, Dean. You are the best of men and the most dear to my heart."
Dean glances up at Cas, cheeks flushing. He pulls him into a kiss, gripping his ass and pulling him flush against him, moaning as their cocks rub together. "I love you too, sweetheart."
Cas runs a finger up Dean's cock, and Dean leans his head back against the shower wall, panting as Cas continues feather light touches up and down his cock. "What do you want, my love?" Cas leans into Dean and sucks a mark into his neck. Dean bucks up against Cas, gripping Cas by the hips and rutting against him.
"Fuck me, Cas, please," Dean whispers, desperate already and pleading against Cas' neck. He feels overcome with the feeling of needing Cas to take control and push into him, and he needs it now.
Cas, aware as always of what he needs, pulls him into a kiss, licking into his mouth as Dean moans louder, letting Cas' kisses take over and pull his brain into a comfortable fuzzy place. He feels Cas take him by the shoulder and turn him again into the wall, pressing his own body against Dean's, hard cock prodding at Dean's ass. Dean hears a lube bottle open and thanks his lucky stars that Cas insists on keeping a bottle in the shower. He opens his mouth to beg Cas to get a move on (politely, of course) when he feels Cas’ finger run across the tight muscle of his hole, then gently sink into him. He reaches down and grips his cock, running his hand up and down as Cas pushes in and suddenly brushes right up against the perfect spot. Dean sags against the shower wall.
“Cas, OH, do that again, please.” He begs, hand flying up and down his cock, breath hitching as Cas continues, finger brushing over Dean’s prostate gently. Dean pushes back, urging Cas to speed up and Cas grips his hip with his free hand, stilling his finger, and Dean lets out a whimper.
“Be patient, my love,” Cas whispers into his ear. “Let me make you feel good.” He kisses across Dean’s shoulders, gripping his arm and leaning against him for just a moment before pushing into Dean with another finger, then a third as he thoroughly opens him up. Dean’s head was thrown back, warm water pouring over them both, and he could feel himself getting lost in the pleasure of Cas’ long fingers pumping in and out of him, his head pleasantly fuzzy.
Cas suddenly pulls all his fingers out, and Dean breathes out, “Casssss,” legs trembling as he waits for Cas to push into him again. He barely registers the sound of the lube cap opening again, and then he sighs with relief as the head of Cas’ cock nudges at his hole, then pushes in and slides right up against his prostate, causing white-hot bursts of pleasure to run through Dean’s body. Cas grips his hips again and thrusts repeatedly as Dean gasps and lets himself get lost in the feeling of Cas slamming into him. He reaches down to grasp his own cock, but Cas reaches around and pushes his hand away.
“I want you to come on my cock. Don’t touch yourself.” Cas’ voice was low and commanding, and Dean gasps as Cas drove into him again. Pleasure builds through his whole body, then suddenly rolls completely over him, and he looks down in awe as his come hits the shower wall, his knees buckling as he loses control. Cas grasps him around the waist, continuing to thrust in as the last waves of pleasure wash over Dean. Suddenly, he lets out a moan and pulls out, biting down on Dean’s shoulder as his own orgasm hits, and Dean feels warm splashes of come hit his back.
Cas sags against him, murmuring, “Dean, I love you,” as he runs a finger through the mess on Dean’s back and rubs it in at the top of Dean’s ass. Dean chuckles.
“Marking me up, you kinky bastard?” He turns to look at Cas, whose eyes were somehow even brighter and bluer than normal.
Cas grins and pulls him into a kiss. “Yes. I like to see the remembrances of our love on your skin.”
“I didn’t think come could be made romantic, but I think you just managed to.” Dean laughs, and Cas chuckles in agreement as he turns to grab the body wash.
“You know me, full of surprises. Now turn around and let me wash you.”
They finish the shower, nice and slow, taking time to map each other's bodies with the soap. Pouring love and affection into each stroke, whispering soft “I love you’s” into soft clean skin.
After the shower, they get dressed together and head downstairs so Dean can get started on dinner. Dean is prepping to make a mean lasagna when he speaks.
“I’ve decided to go see Missouri,” Dean whispers to the veggies he’s currently chopping.
“Oh. That seems like a good idea. I'm very proud of you for making that decision on your own,” Cas says, and he comes up behind Dean, wrapping strong arms around his middle and squeezing. Fuck, Dean loves this man so much. They have gone through so much together, and Cas has never faltered. Always right there next to Dean, love as clear as the night sky written all over his face.
Dean finishes putting the lasagna together, pops it in the oven, and turns around to see Cas looking at him from where he has perched himself up on the island. Dean walks over, grabbing Cas’ face with both hands, staring into those ocean blues. He could get lost in those eyes forever and be a happy man. He leans forward, closing the space between them, pouring every ounce of love and affection into the kiss. Dean steps back, going over to pick up his phone. He takes a deep breath and one last look at Cas, who is looking at him with an adorably cute confused look on his face.
He quickly opens his messages, pulling up his father's info and shooting off a text with a time and a meeting spot. He closes the phone and throws it back on the counter, sauntering up to Cas once more who is still perched on the island. Cas opens his legs, so Dean can slide right in between, Cas wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him into a crushing hug. Dean dips his chin, putting his face in Cas’ neck and just lets himself be held.
“I won't let him come between us ever again,” Dean whispers into Cas’ neck. “I should have done this years ago, and I'm sorry it took this long.”
Cas pulls back to look at Dean, searching his face. “I want to tell you to stop apologizing, but I know you, so thank you, Dean. For doing this, for us, for me, but mostly for doing it for yourself. You are so incredibly strong, and I'm so proud of you.” Cas ends by pulling Dean in and kissing him within an inch of his life.
Dean breaks the kiss, resting his forehead on Cas’s. “I truly don't deserve you Cas, but I promise I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I want to be worthy of your love.”
“Oh, Dean, you deserve me and so much more, and I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how worthy you are,” Cas whispers into the space between them.
“I love you so much,” Dean says.
“I know,” and Dean can't really see his face, but he can hear the smirk plain as day. “Now, I believe I was promised food, cuddles and a riveting bee documentary,” Cas says, pulling back slightly. Dean chuckles, removing himself from between Cas’ legs.
“Yeah, yeah. Go set up the living room while I dish us up,” Cas perks up slightly, and Dean raises an eyebrow. Cas scrambles off the counter with a very suspicious look on his face, and Dean watches him go. He can hear him bustling about in the living room as he finishes plating up the lasagna with a side salad (Sam will never know) and garlic bread. Grabbing both plates, he makes his way into the living room, stopping dead in his tracks as he takes in the scene before him.
Cas has completely rearranged the living room and has built one of the best forts Dean has ever seen, and that's saying something because Dean is the king of fort building. How he managed to do this in fifteen minutes is truly a testament to his skills.
Dean goes to sit down in the middle of the fort with Cas, settling back against the pillows propped up against the couch, handing Cas his plate. He will never understand how he got so lucky, but he knows he will do everything in his power to never lose this. Cas queues up the documentary, pressing play and then immediately tucking into his dinner. Dean is just there, staring at him, taking all this in and vowing to be a better man, a man who is worthy of Cas’ love.
“What? I got something on my face?” Cas says, finally turning to look at Dean.
“Thank you for being you,” Dean says, leaning over to plant a kiss on Cas’ cheek. Cas gives him a small smile, one that is only for Dean.