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[SFX: Armour clanking, boots on stone, sword unsheathes]
Ahhh. There he is, the prophesied one.
Destiny backs you up child, but experience tells me you’re nothing special.
You’re a farm boy in oversized armour, with a magic sword, and too much to prove.
Another hero, with nothing special about him but an inflated ego.
No matter what the rumours may say.
What does that make this?
The thirtieth, thirty-first, this year alone?
The last one fell after he passed the fortress’ gates. The one before that was cut down by my personal guard.
It’s very impressive that you made it this far.
But unfortunately, you’ll make it no further.
Unless, of course, you were to join me.
Weak as you are before me, you’d make a great general, a perfect subordinate to direct my hordes.
Think of it, you would have all that you desire.
Land, power, wealth, women.
Men too if that takes your fancy.
All of it and more could be yours, if you would but walk up these steps, take my hand, and swear fealty.
Join me, and together we will rule this-
-
What do you mean ‘okay’?
You’re not meant to just say ‘okay’.
I’m evil.
You’re at least meant to think about it first.
Then, if I’m being honest, you’re supposed to say no.
-
I… realise that an offer of unlimited power and wealth might be tempting for some hick, but…
You do realise that if I conquer your country, and I will by the way, there’s no negotiating here, it’ll be terrible for everyone else.
A thousand years of darkness, mankind broken into servitude?
The dead rising from their graves?
Beasts roaming the land in swathes of blood?
None of that bothers you?
-
Did you just shrug? I can’t help but feel like you’re not taking this seriously.
-
‘Fuck ‘em’?
Did you, seriously, just say to me, the dark mistress of all that is evil under heaven, ‘fuck ‘em’?
I worked my ass off to make this confrontation worthwhile.
You turned my elite guard into a pile of limbs not five minutes ago, and now you’re just… dropping it.
Don’t you have some beautiful princess back home waiting for you or something?
-
Just a… frigid elf woman who treats you like a child.
What about family, friends?
-
Oh… I killed them all when my minions burned down your village…
Don’t you want revenge, justice or something?
-
Everyone keeps telling you not to let revenge consume you?
That old chestnut. I say go for it, revenge is sweet.
-
I’m not trying to talk you back into fighting me, I’m just… trying to get my head around your motivations here.
Don’t get me wrong, but with you betraying your country, everyone you know, your family’s memories and all the countless people relying on you…
You don’t look like the most trustworthy ally right now.
[SFX: wind rushes past rapidly]
(she’s choked out)
Ah! What the hell are you doing?
-
No… that sword… that’s… not possible, it was destroyed an eon ago! Please don’t!
(she’s released)
[SFX: Shattering metal and crystal]
-
You… you broke it.
That was the one thing that could actually kill me and you just shattered it into a thousand pieces.
-
Yeah… I… suppose I do owe you now. It makes up for my guards at least.
-
Hey I care about my men. I might be the dark mistress of all evil but I still treat my minions well, yourself included.
-
Yes, minion.
-
Partners? My dear, you just destroyed the one thing that would’ve given you leverage over me.
-
Yes, you are still stronger than me, with all those hero of destiny powers, but I can outlast you. I’m immortal, and you’re not.
-
You can make it worth my while? What did you have in mind, pintsize?
-
(laughter)
My, my, you’re impetuous.
The little man thinks he can lay the dark queen of murder.
I know that bragging rights are important amongst you men-folk, but your bravado’s dragged you a bit far this time.
-
Worried I wouldn’t be able to keep up?
Oooh… Son…
You might’ve touched a nerve there.
I tell you what, if you can please me, and I mean really make me feel it, I’ll consider your request.
Fail me, and I’ll make it your life’s mission to make it up to me.
That’s the offer. Please me, and you may serve as my consort, the highest in the land but for myself.
Fail, and I will break you, keep you as a slave for my pleasure.
-
Sounds like a win-win?
Well, I must admire your attitude.
[SFX: Sword swings through air]
My chambers lie this way. Try to keep your eyes off my behind while you follow.
I don’t want you to finish before we even make it to my bed.
[SFX: Boots on flagstones, heavy old door swings open, then closed]
Here we are.
It’s a long staircase, I know, winding, uneven, without a handrail.
None of that bothers you, does it?
You’re not out of breath, unsteady, weak at the knees?
-
Good boy.
Now, I’m going to sit myself on the edge of my bed, and you can tell me what to do.
[SFX: Bed springs, gentle]
-
It’s your show, kid. You wanted to be my equal.
No orders.
You figure it out.
(chuckle)
No, I don’t have boots you can seductively take off and work your way up from.
I have hooves.
Didn’t you notice?
-
[SFX: Bed springs squeak]
Well you’ve made it to the bed, that’s more than I expected from you.
-
How’d I get the hooves?
My family’s a mashup of demonic marriage pacts, curses and ancient blood.
If there’s a demonism to be found in the world, it’s stewing in my genes.
My grandmother was a succubus. We got the hooves from her, and they’ve been in the family ever since.
The horns by my temples are from her too.
The ones growing out of the crown of my head come from…
I think my great-grandfather.
The claws, they’re newer, my mother enchanted them into the bloodline.
The black eyes and veins, well that’s just the dark magic coursing through me.
-
The pale skin?
We come from a primordial cavern. We don’t get much sun down there.
I hope none of this turns you off.
You asked to bed a monster after all.
-
You… you think I’m beautiful?
I have trouble believing that.
What about the horns, the claws, the eyes?
The have hooves and fur… how can you think I’m-
-
You mean that?
No one’s ever called me beautiful before.
-
I’m not blushing, I’m just… surprised.
-
Well… everyone I’ve been with before was either a slave or a monster.
There wasn’t exactly much time for flirting.
Whenever someone’s complemented my appearance it’s always been because they wanted something.
I don’t think anyone ever actually took the opportunity to be really attracted to me.
-
What’s a date?
-
Romance…
What kind of stuff do you do on a date?
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Dancing… evening meals… walks on the beach… picnics…
Picnics.
I… think I want to go on a picnic.
Can we go on a picnic?
-
No, no, there’s this nice spot I know, on the Karn Plateau.
You can see fields of golden grass stretching off into the horizon.
I fly there on dragonback when I need to think.
-
Yes, I have a dragon. We can take it there if you want.
-
Yeah. It’s a date.
-
Does this mean you win?
Well… I, erm…
This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
I thought you were just going to fuck me and call it a day.
But I guess a sex slave wouldn’t make much of a partner.
And I at least want to try that.
-
I… I suppose we can still... fuck, if you want to.
-
Make love?
Never heard someone call it that before.
Okay, what’s the big difference?
I know my way around sex, but how do we make it more lovey dovey?
(kissing, slow)
That’s… that’s new…
-
Yeah, I guess I am a little flustered.
Just… every time I’ve kissed someone, it’s been more frantic and less loving.
Maybe we should… take off the armour before we go any further?
[SFX: Armour clanking sounds]
Not bad for an upstart farmboy.
And… how do I look?
-
Fishing for complements?
I’ve got no idea what you mean.
Now tell me I’m pretty.
-
Thankyou.
I did hear that human men like large breasts, wide hips.
I suppose, in your colloquialisms, I’m what you’d call a ‘buxom wench’.
Don’t be shy with your hands.
Hmm. Running along my hips.
(making out)
You’re so tender.
I do love the feeling of your fingers sinking into my flesh.
Squeezing, grabbing, pinching.
Harder.
My firm, curvy ass has been criminally underappreciated this long age.
(making out)
Making your way up to my waist?
Just the right balance of muscle I think.
Trace the lines of my muscles with your fingers, feel my sculpted back and flat tummy.
Then… go up to my…
Push me onto the bed.
Please.
[SFX: Squeaky bed springs, body onto bedsheets]
Been meaning to have this thing replaced. I can’t turn in my sleep without it squeaking.
-
I suppose there’s some attraction in making a racket with it though.
How about it, want to let the whole fortress know what we’re up to?
-
Then get on top of me, and start playing with my breasts again.
[SFX: Bed again]
-
I was wondering when you’d pick up on how warm I am.
My heart’s wrapped in hellfire. I’d be toasty sitting naked in a blizzard.
Oh… you’re kissing my… neck…
It feels so… so…
No don’t stop...
(laughing) Don’t nibble my ear!
You little bastard!
Who taught you all this?
Playing with my breasts while you suck and bite at my neck…
Rubbing at my nipples while you trace your tongue over my lips…
It’s so… erotic…
Let me make my way up the bed, I want you to take me, now.
-
Fuck foreplay honey, I want to make love, like you said.
I want to hold your hands and feel you penetrate me.
I want to look you in the eyes and hear you tell me you love me.
[SFX: Shuffling across the bed, skin on skin]
I can feel your cock pressing against my lips.
I’m ready for you.
I want you to fuck me.
I want you to love me.
[SFX: Penetration]
That’s perfect, yes, like that!
[SFX: Slow, gentle thrusting]
[SFX: Bed springs squeak throughout]
I didn’t know I needed this.
-
What the fuck is the missionary position?
-
This is?
Then we’re doing missionary from now on.
I’m never going back to rapid fire jack-hammering with some mutant slave.
I want to be tenderly made love to forever and ever!
[SFX: Speeds up thrusting a touch]
I’ll match your rhythm honey, try and keep on pace.
I can feel every inch of your wonderful cock when it pushes into me…
It’s warm and wonderful, rubbing up against my walls and kissing the entrance to my womb.
I’m getting shivers.
Like icy cold hands stroking up and down my spine.
Hold my hands baby, I want you to look me in the eye.
See how much I love this.
My claws are digging into the backs of your hands.
I swear I’ll make it up to you, just keep loving me.
Never stop loving me.
If you do I’ll fucking kill you.
[SFX: Thrusting speeds up, more vigorous]
Oh that’s the spot.
Hit me deep honey, I still like it rough.
Drop down low, I’m wrapping my legs around you.
I’m going to hold you tight while you pump into my pussy.
I want you to cum inside the depths of evil itself.
The minute you do, the deal’s struck.
No backing out, we’re together, forever.
Yeah, sorry, didn’t mention that before.
Not that you care.
You’re not even trying to pull out.
Your cock’s starting to twitch deep inside me, and you’re not even slowing down.
You’re going to be my lovey dovey boyfriend and make me so fucking happy.
Look at me baby.
I love you.
I’ve never loved anything before, but I love you.
C’mon hero. Slay the monster.
Make a good woman out of me.
Make me-
Make me-
Fuck, I’m clenching up.
(improv, both orgasm)
[SFX: To match]
You… too… sweetie…
That… wasn’t the missionary position near the end there, was it?
-
A leg lock?
I’m gonna start taking notes, because we’re doing that again.
-
It’s used in… breeding?
I figured, what with the positioning of everything.
-
Oh don’t worry sweetie. You can’t get me pregnant… yet.
-
I’m not human enough. We’re not compatible.
Spend enough time with me though, and you’ll change.
A year of this and you’ll stop aging, you might even grown horns.
Eventually, when you’ve taken on enough of my aspects…
You could quite easily knock me up.
-
Yes… I suppose if you ended up immortal I’d lose me my one advantage over you.
I guess you could teach me some of your divine hero of fate stuff, re-even the playing field?
-
It’s a deal.
Tell me. When did you change your mind about all this?
-
As soon as you saw me…
Was it just attraction? My body… my curves?
-
But then something more.
I suppose that all of those haughty nobles and tough ‘I don’t like you really’ shieldmaiden types get dull after a while.
-
Go easy on them?
Well… if it’d make you happy. Maybe it doesn’t have to be a thousand years of darkness.
A century or two.
-
Hmm?
Is there a chance you’ll grow hooves?
I have no earthly idea. Sorry if you do, it’s just in my nature.
-
Nobody said immortality was free sweetie. Not having second thoughts are we?
-
I’m glad you think it’s worth it. I couldn’t agree more.
I think it’ll be fun, playing you up to the role.
We could get you some new armour in black and red, a big fur cape, an iron crown.
We could even have a throne installed next to mine.
Or… maybe I could sit on your lap, while we pass judgement on our enemies.
-
Who’s going to protest?
We’re the two most powerful things in this realm.
We could make love in front of my entire court and nobody would even bring it up.
Which just leaves...
What are we going to call you?
If we’re partners, there’s no room for you to take the title of dark lord as well.
You will be… my dear Overlord.